oh fuck

yeah sorry I couldn’t hear you over the hour long rant my friends mom once delivered about how she really supported gay rights but couldn’t stand bi people while i sat in the backseat of her car nearly in tears because the parent of someone I loved was throwing hate speech at me.

yeah I can’t hear you over the minimal representation  I receive in television which is usually just a sassy assistant making a remark about her “lesbian phase” and how in one of the most progressive queer shows that’s ever received critical acclaim the words ‘bi or pan’ are never used once.

yeah I can’t hear you over my ex calling me a slut after finding out I was bi and saying all I am is an indecisive whore.

i can’t fucking hear you over mono queer people mocking me and jeering at my desire for representation, calling me ‘not queer enough’, and ‘laughing hollowly’ over my attempts to explain my struggles as a bisexual woman.

yeah im sorry i can’t hear you over my friends long rant about how she didn’t think she could keep dating her bi boyfriend because he would probably cheat on her, and her eye rolls when i told her what she was saying was offensive.

Sorry, can’t hear you over the mono queer folks who try to bar me from queer spaces.

Sorry, can’t hear you over the straight men who only see my attraction to women as entertainment or an attempt to get their attention.

Harry Potter definitely started as a children-oriented series, but it matured GREATLY as the books went along, growing up with the characters and the original audience. Themes introduced in greater detail include: death, torture, racism/classism, dangerous political practices, and some truly horrifying ideas/concepts (remember the “Magic is Might” statue, featuring the naked bodies of Muggles forming a throne for wizards?). After all, that, a little expression of sexuality would hardly be the most shocking thing.

And in fact, there IS some sexual content in the books. In Deathly Hallows, the locket horcrux spawns up an image of Harry and Hermione, entwined and kissing and very specifically taunting Ron with sexual imagery/insinuation. The implication is that Ron harbors sexual feelings for Hermione, which the horcrux exploited (or, in an alternate, ace!Ron interpretation, you could also say that the horcrux was suggesting that Harry could give Hermione something Ron could not; either way, it’s a sexual scene).

We’re not saying there should have been full-on porn in these books, obviously. We’re just saying that some hints at sexual interest, or even at physical intimacy in general, would be expected for a teenage boy in such a series, whereas Harry seems to value other parts of his relationships and tends to have other things on his mind. It’s notable.

The Thinking Asexual defines relationship anarchy as such:

relationship anarchy – This is a relationship philosophy which goes one step further than polyamory and generally dismisses any preconceived ideas about relationship structures, drawing clear lines of separation between “friendship” and “romantic-sexual relationships,” relationship hierarchy, or categorizing relationships according to their behavioral and/or emotional qualities. Relationship anarchy rejects monogamy and the idea of love being finite or limited, in the same way that polyamory rejects that paradigm. Relationship anarchy, however, seeks to dissolve rigid emotional distinctions between sexual and nonsexual relationships, romantic love and friendship, in a way that polyamory usually does not. Relationship anarchy rejects emotional hierarchies of relationships: both the ranking of one romantic-sexual relationship over another and the ranking of romantic-sexual relationships over nonsexual and/or nonromantic relationships.

You can read more at the Relationship Anarchy Manifesto.

To me, relationship anarchy is about consent and explicit negotiation. Not just consent in sexual relationships, but consent in the boundaries of the relationship itself. When I have a relationship with someone, even if they don’t identify as a relationship anarchist, I make sure to ask them exactly what they expect out of the relationship, how they experience attraction and affection, and what kind of boundaries they want to set. And further, it is an open and evolving process of negotiation, so I often check in to make sure everyone is happy with where the relationship is. I think everyone can practice this as relationship anarchy about treating others ethically and with respect and acceptance. My relationship with Rel has been hugely enriched since we began to negotiate our relationship on these terms. Further, it adds a new layer of depth and consideration to each and every relationship I hold, whether or not you would call that relationship a “friendship”, a “romance”, a sexual partnership, or whatever. To me i don’t have different categories of relationships that mediate my experience of other people, but rather, I experience people directly. Like all anarchy, relationship anarchy isn’t about being against structures; rather, structures of relationship (like boundaries and labels, for example) are explicitly negotiated and consented to.To me, my coming to relationship anarchy has to do with my romantic orientation, which makes it difficult for me to distinguish between different kinds of affection. However, I also consider it an excellent model for ethical relationships in general, and I encourage all people to take these principles to heart whether or not they choose to identify as a relationship anarchist. To me it’s more about what you do, and the most important thing to do is respect others and their boundaries.

I hope this helps,