Oops! All Soups

Citing their ready availability and consistent quality, a report released Monday by the Brookings Institution confirmed that, as far as oyster crackers go, the nation is doing pretty good. “The United States is currently in a very respectable place in terms of oyster crackers, and at present, any existing oyster cracker–related concerns are minimal,” said the report’s lead researcher, Kevin Purcell, who offered the prevalence of oyster crackers in supermarkets, the rarity with which they are discovered broken, and the fact that packets of the crackers—often two at a time—are handed out free of charge with many soups and chowders as clear evidence that the country is in a solid spot, oyster cracker–wise.

With the water vapor causing condensation to form on the lenses and impair his vision, local man Patrick Whittle was reportedly forced Thursday by his fogged-up glasses to finish his soup using his other senses. “In my blinded state, I must rely on my other senses if I’m ever going to eat this soup,” said Whittle, explaining that the condensed moisture on his eyewear left him with no choice but to use his heightened sense of smell to guide himself toward the bowl of lobster bisque

Josh is feeling impatient, but with good reason. Soup weather is right around the corner, and as summer transitions into fall Josh can’t help but dream about all the delicious bowls in his future.

Unfortunately, this forward focus starts taking a toll on Josh’s present. He’s distant and irritable, unable to enjoy a night on the town with a friend until he receives a very important piece of advice: sometimes gratitude for the moment is the best way to bring about the future.

Suddenly, soup weather has arrived, and when Josh meets a handsome split pea and a beautiful minestrone, his waiting pays off in a way that will satisfy his hunger for food… and his hunger for ass.

This erotic tale is 4,000 words of sizzling human on bisexual soup action.

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