the one thing i want

jack & cas & dean // dear theodosia by regina spektor feat. ben folds

my father wasn’t around

my father wasn’t around

i swear that i’ll be around for you

i’ll do whatever it takes

i’ll make a million mistakes

i’ll make the world safe and sound for you

i think that would be very fun though homophobic (but in a fun way!). however, i think that (based on the way cas responds to grief throughout the show) his response made sense of just sinking into himself and a depression. i honestly think he should’ve been even worse, just unable to function and completely shaken because the man you have loved and trusted and held up as the pinnacle of human goodness and nobility for the past eleven years has done something so abominable (to your child no less) and there’s really no excuse and he won’t say sorry and keeps acting like he has the high ground. like that’s so fucking destabilizing! dean is both not admitting that he did anything wrong AND barely even admitting that jack ever existed at all, just completely pretending cas isn’t in any pain. i don’t know how cas even a LITTLE reckoned that with his world view because, again, for like a DECADE he has been functioning with dean as his moral center and cas as the person who has to prove himself worthy and good enough for him. dean is always in the right, cas is always in his debt. suddenly, that’s not the case but dean is pretending like it still is. 

i think my ONLY issue with the divorce arc (which i love) is that it focuses too much on dean’s forgiveness and ability to let cas back in and there could’ve been more of a focus on cas’s forgiveness of dean (and less on him being given permission to stay). this is why the rupture scene is so perfect because it’s like dean won’t even acknowledge why cas might want to leave because he’s just blatantly glossing over any of the grief and pain he has put cas through (because nothing can be worse than his OWN grief and pain over his mother) and cas is like “i’m not going to stay and be your punching bag anymore because this time YOU hurt me and until you acknowledge that and what happened, i can’t come back.” i think this gets touched on in the trap but not as fully as i would like. however, i still love the divorce arc it’s close to perfect for me.