What Is Worse Than Hiding Who You Are?

And to make it one step worse, what’s expected of us constantly changes based on abuser’s mood, if abuser wants us to obey them out of pure terror, they want that terror to be seen on our face, it satisfies them, it reassures them they can control us, they don’t want us to be normal or safe in those moments, we have to display terror thru blind obedience. But then, in other situations, they want us to act as if we were a nice cozy family all along, like they never terrified us at all, to hug them and display natural shows of affection and love, to tell them how much we appreciate them and act for others as if they’re not scary at all. They want us to show trauma symptoms like strong self hatred, self blame, toxic shame and guilt, whenever they want to use it against us, but then at another moment have to figure out that now it’s the time to act as if nothing of this is happening and we’re happy and well adjusted, and any trauma symptom that reflects badly on them at this time, is forbidden.

One thing we are never, ever allowed to display, is our anger with them. Every attempt at showing anger or holding them accountable is met with punishment, violence, blaming and threats until they break us completely and make us feel helpless and hopeless. Because our anger is so on point, so righteous and gives us ability to dismantle our doubts, to know they’re to be held accountable, that they’re guilty and not us, it’s a big threat to all of the brainwashing and grooming, and they will go far out of their way to keep it repressed and directed at us instead.

Harry

Potter,

No, I don’t mind listening to your stories of Romania. I want to hear them all, and not just of Romania. You’re on vacation for fucks sake, turn that Saviour complex off for a bit. The world won’t fall down around you, I promise. 

You could have warned me about the flowers pressed in your previous letter, you know. A lapful of camellias is hardly what I expected when I sat down to decipher your illegible writing. Did you know camellias symbolise affection? Thank you, I loved them.

My house arrest ends tomorrow. Remember when you said you’d meet me at Kew Gardens when my sentence was up? You were drunk, I’m sure of it (were you really?), but the suggestion does have some merit. Mother and I have done our best to maintain the Manor gardens, but two people can only do so much. I’m positively itching for a scenic walk, and what better place to go to than a botanical garden? Although, I suppose the hills of Romania would give any garden a run for its money. How is Draco? I hope he’s living up to his namesake and annoying the fuck out of you. Does he remind you of me, or was that just a joke? Is Weasley making you earn your keep? He better be, it’s only fair after all. Are you two

Anyway. I wanted to thank you, Potter. Thank you for reaching out and writing to me throughout my sentence. Your words saved me, they gave me hope. My sentence is over now, or will be by the time this letter reaches you, so you needn’t feel compelled to reply. 

I wish you well.

Yours

Dra

D. L. M.

***

Draco,

I will admit that my first few letters to you were written out of a nagging sense of curiosity/responsibility, but that stopped being true a long time ago. I should have known I would have to spell it out for you, you idiot– I write to you because I want to. 

I came back from Romania two days ago. I’ll see you at Kew, between the daffodils and the forget-me-nots.

just like a folk song...

The future is trans people thriving. 💖

(1. That you exist is proof enough that you deserve to be here. Your presence alone is undeniable evidence that you belong in this world, that you are already worthy of a good life.

2) Your worth is inherent. Your worth isn't something that you can earn and it isn't something that can ever be stolen from you: your worth is, because you are.

3) Without your existence, the world would be lacking in something truly rare: because you are, you are necessary.

4) Your transness is beautiful and natural, sacred and magical. Your transness is powerful. Transness is merely another expression of the incredible diversity of human experience.

5) You were born absolutely perfect, without sin, and free. There are no predetermined fates, only an infinite number of possible futures from which you get to choose your own.

6) There are no biological destinies, only the brilliant blooming and breathtaking light of your own authenticity. There are no divine plans, only blank canvases of possibility.

7) You are your own creator and your own creation, you are both the artist and the art. Your gender is your own, your body is your own, your life is your own, your future is your own.