lupin smiled

He didn’t know what it was, he liked having Remus around— he did— it’s just that when he was around Sirius couldn’t sit the feeling of warmth and pink blush that rise to his cheeks. And when they somehow found themselves in a broom closet towards the ends of sixth year he finally allowed himself to feel and do what he’s been wanting to since he was fourteen.

“this fucking sucks.” Remus had groaned, Filtch was surely lurking the corridors accompanied by his stupid cat in look of the four marauders that had yet again set off something that he’d have to clean up.

“what? don’t fancy being stuck in here with me Moony?” Sirius smirked, that same old charm he always seemed to have. He was glad this closet was rather dark because if not he was sure Remus would see the horrible blush that rose to his pale skin.

“oh no, I definitely do. I just love being stuck in here with you, it’s one of the highlights of my week” Remus said, obvious sarcasm in his voice. Sirius laughed, “always so funny Moony”

and then he was leaning in, he didn’t know what made him do it but he did it. he didn’t feel any type of fear of rejection, he was just doing this and that was that. He didn’t even think how this could affect their friendship if Remus didn’t like it. But then again Sirius had always been reckless, hadn’t he?

His lips were on Remus’ and it was like everything went quite, his heart was beating quick but he couldn’t bring himself to his senses. Before he realized what he’d done Remus was kissing back. Soft and gentle at first but then hot and desperate.

Remus’ hands were on him now, cupping his jaw and pulling him closer. Sirius was shorter by a couple of inches and Remus took full advantage of that, he towered over him as he fulfilled his and Sirius’ needs. This kiss. That was their need.

Sirius moaned into his mouth and the they were pulling away, flushed cheeks and pink lips. “fucking finally” Remus sighed, his hands still on Sirius. Sirius sent him a confused smile, “what?”

“I’ve been wanting that to happen for a long fucking time” Remus said, brushing a strand of hair from Sirius’ face. “really?”

“yeah,” Remus leaned in again, this time pecking a small kiss to his lips. “I was waiting for you to make the first move”

Sirius smirked, “oh Moony,” he kissed his lips, “moony moony moony..”

Remus: What are you doing?

Sirius: Making you feel guilty....is it working?

Remus: No it's not- no it's not working- do you- do you see it working?

Sirius:...

Remus:...

Sirius:...

Remus: *to himself* No! No! Do not let him win!

Sirius:...

#SIRIUSBLACK:these boots are made for walkin'

and that's just what they'll do

Professor McGonagall never minded that the young Mr Black played it fast and loose with his interpretations of the school uniform. She looked the other way when he and Mr Lupin discussed things highly inappropriate for a classroom. On the whole, she considered herself a liberal (even somewhat lenient) teacher, but by the Gods, if Mr Black dared to show up to class one more time without sporting his house colours, she would be forced to write to his mother. 

(Version without text bubbles under the cut)

(also sorry you've been having a rough time 💙)

all right, this is what remus and sirius are like in bed ;)

despite running a few degrees hotter than sirius bc he's a werewolf, remus hogs the sheets. sirius doesn't really care at all because he adores remus. remus also sleeps on the left side of the bed pre-azkaban, right side of the bed post-azkaban. (left/right are from the pov of like. ur sitting up in bed.)

the left/right headcanons derive entirely from what i think the layout of their london flat & remus's cottage are and who sleeps closer to the door. i think sirius would sleep closer to the door pre-azkaban (which is to the right of the bed in their london flat floorplan that i have in my head) bc pre-azkaban his view of remus is very much like saviour complex I Can Fix Him, like here is this pathetic little large werewolf boy whom i will protect. and post-azkaban i lean towards remus sleeping closest to the door (which is also to the right of the bed in my mental floorplan of their cottage) bc after sirius being taken from him for 12 years he's a lil protective. but i could also see sirius still sleeping closest to the door post-azkaban bc i don't think remus has become like, active in pursuing his own happiness (including in protecting his loved ones) even after being reunited w sirius. learned helplessness basically.

i know that's reading way too much into it and most couples probably arbitrarily pick sides of the bed but i gotta psychoanalyse these fucked up middle aged men and their bed side preferences ok

remus spends the whole series speaking so cautiously, hesitating before he talks, choosing his words so carefully; something i think about a lot is the rarity with which he uses contractions in his speech, i.e. its always “he will” instead of he’ll,” etc. what that says to me is that he speaks slowly, he thinks before he talks, he is measured and careful in his speech. everything he says out loud he has already gone through in his head.

and there’s a reason for that, yeah? he does this on purpose, he does it because he has to maintain this exacted control or else people are going to be afraid. if he loses it, it is going to scare people. anger from remus – a raised voice, an aggressive movement, anything – is going to be perceived as corroboration of every stereotype and prejudice that he encourages people to resist with his constructed performance as a Good Werewolf. he can’t afford to trust that he can drop that emotional wall, because the reality of it is, maybe he can’t. maybe he drops it and people say “here it is, here is the proof that he is a monster, and now we must do what has to be done to monsters.” and so through the entire series, remus is characterized largely by his restraint: what he does not say, what he does not show, what he does not let himself feel.

twice harry (and the reader) sees remus lose control: when dumbledore dies (triggered by grief) and during their fight in grimmauld during deathly hallows (triggered by shame, fear, anger, self-loathing – a lot of things). extreme situations and emotions are the only things that shake him, right, thats when he breaks, that’s when he drops that shield: when he himself is so broken that he does not have the strength to keep it up any longer.

but here is the point in the long-winded rant where i wrap myself back around to the point:

whensirius says ‘you should hear remus talk about her,” there is (to me, anyway) a clear implication that when remus talks about umbridge, he’s pissed. he’s angry. he gives himself permission to be angry around sirius and that is important to me because it means that he trusts sirius. he trusts that sirius knows who he is, and he trusts that around sirius he does not have to maintain this constant charade of being a Good Werewolf. he can be angry, and sirius will think no less of him.  

there is trust there, and that’s important to me, to know that remus does trust sirius again. it’s not a shipping thing or whatever, it’s just, the fact of the matter is that remus does not perform this self-protective act around sirius. that means there is one person who remus trusts himself with, and he needs that, and he deserves that. and i’m glad that it was sirius, for a very short period of time. i’m glad that they had one another back again, that they both had somebody who understood them fully again.

Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

#lilgaypestotober

Sirius shows his love through actions more, whereas Remus shows his love more through words.

I think Sirius views his emotions as larger than life (and probably thinks he loves Remus more than he actually does tbh—same goes for platonic love like for James and Harry), but he also has trouble communicating these emotions verbally, so he just kind of tries to do the Most for his loved ones to try and physically manifest his love, sort of.

Remus is way too emotionally repressed to spontaneously do any grand acts of love (or announcements of love), but I think he kind of stews in his thoughts for a while, and if he says or does something, it's something he's been thinking about for a while. And he'll think about both what he wants to tell Sirius and what he wants Sirius to hear, and then he'll say what he has to say, whether he's picking a fight or licking wounds. I also think R&S have probably had a few fights along the lines of Sirius complaining about something Remus did or does, and Remus going, "but I love you though", and Sirius forgives him ofc, and Remus just keeps doing his thing.

Basically actions of love vs words of love