lonely bishie

It’s all pretty simple. The lesbian track star is actually a ghost because of an accident as a test pilot but the moon gorilla made her a shirt that turns her solid and lets her travel through time. Toblerone is literally a dwarf from Sweden who’s really bitter that all the killer robots he built killed so many people. Also he has like two dozen kids; his oldest daughter just joined the game as the sidekick of the ten foot tall old man with a rocket propelled hammer who frequently hallucinates himself in various fantasy adventures. Soldier 69 and his edgelord boyfriend used to be in charge after they saved the world from the aforementioned killer robots, but they had a fight that accidentally destroyed their base and killed them both and made them into two completely different kinds of zombies, so they aren’t allowed to be in charge of anything anymore. Hanzo is a Yakuza assassin with a bow who magically summons and controls dragons who murdered his little brother because he wanted to play video games instead of assassinating people for the yakuza, so his little brother got rebuilt as a cyborg ninja by the half angel lady who has a thing for raising the dead, and now he assassinates the yakuza. Grandma sniper is the mother of the half Egyptian half native American lady with the flying power armor and the rocket launcher; everybody thought she was dead for a while but really she just took a vacation because her eyeball got shot out by the blue lady (who’s the brainwashed ex-wife of one of grandma sniper’s dead pals). Junkrat is an average Australian citizen.

Official ominous lack

The flies are building a drive-in cinema.

oh honey they are fully dead

No but Toph was a professional earthbending wrestler with the power to feel the whole human body at once through vibrations with enough accuracy to tell lies. She knows exactly how much pressure the human body can take before important things start breaking or I’ll go buy a hat for the sole purpose of eating it.

oh, sure. she doesn't care though. she's 12 and she's thriving and she loves to murder

Sucks that 'womanizer' is a word used to refer to misogynistic men cause it sounds like what Dr Doofenshmirtz would call estrogen shots

I lied I don’t like sex. Put your clothes back on. Let’s discuss Dostoevsky.