Welcome

Ooh I love it! (Biology nerd here)

Would iso be a good term for anyone who doesn’t feel either cis or trans, or for anyone who doesn’t feel cis?

(A connecting community like wlw/mlm/nblw/etc)

iLi, isoLiso, isogenderLisogender

A term to describe a relationship containing an isogender person loving another isogender person and/or an isogender individual who is interested in being with other isogender people.

Aporinity

[PT: Aporinity]

A quality for genders defined as being separate from male, female, and anything in between, while still being a strong and specific gendered feeling.

It can be both a specific quality or an umbrella term for qualities that are comgender and abinary.

It is not:

Feminine, masculine, epicene, femmuline or androgynous

A lack of gender

Beyond the concept of gender

Aporagender can be:

Comgender neutral (and when it's purely neutral is not outherine)

Relative to neutrality and other non-outherine abinary qualities

relative or comparable to femininity, masculinity, etc

Born of the combination of a brand new quality and a neutrality or of one of those with one of the main qualities.

Some specifically aporine genders are:

aporagender

Aporaique

Aproxora

Maverinity

[PT: Maverinity]

A quality for genders, like maverique (from which is derived) characterised by:

Gender autonomy

A strong sense of gender

The lack of any kind of connection to pre-existent qualities

It's not:

Xenine

Beyond the concept of gender

The lack of gender

A combination of genders

Derived from pre-existent midbinary or abinary concepts

Some maverine genders are:

Maverique

Gendermaverick

Maveresque

Mavraen

Proxveri

Autonominity or gender autonomy

[PT: Autonominity or gender autonomy]

This quality refers to genders characterised by:

Independent.

Self-determination.

Being defined by oneself, without the imposition of outside structures and authorities.

The re-definition of pre-existent qualities, gender and roles through a personal, individual lens.

In this last point lies the difference between this quality and maverinity; while maverinity is only itherine, autonominity/gender autonomy can be umbine or preterine too.

This can also be used as an umbrella term for all the qualities charaterised by autonomy, including maverine genders.

Some autonomine genders are:

Autonomique

Egogenders (autonine)

Maverine genders

Alithix (As it's defined by personal authenticity)

Ilyaginity

[PT: ilyaginity]

It refers to genders, like ilyagender (from which is based) with:

A tangible presence of gender

Fully disconnected from pre-existent qualities/concepts

Some ilyagine genders are:

Ilyagender

Proxilya

Ilyaen

Autoninity

[PT: Autoninity]

It referse to qualities an genders characterised by being exclusive of an individual person (or system)-

These genders are collectively called egogenders and are characterised by:

Complete autonomy from pre-existent concepts

Individuality and personal autheticity

Relation to one's personhood or systemhood.

Self-determination

Perainity

[PT: perainity]

A quality for genders characterised by:

A complete disconnection to the fem/masc/neu trinary

The presence of gender

The lack of confusion or apathy regarding one's gender.

It's not:

Feminine, masculine, neutral or any combination between them.

Agender or quoigender.

Some peraine genders are:

Péra or Peragender

Peraique

Proxpera

Atraeninity

[Pt: Atraeninity]

This quality exist in relation to both masculinity and femininity, but rather than existing in between or as a combination of them, as it's the case of androgyny, epicenity, effemininity or femmulinity; it exists in opposition and confrontation to/with them, as if forming a triangle.

Here a quick graphic I made visually explaining the relation between femininity, masculinity, androgyny, epicenity and altraeninity:

Altraeninity is characterised by:

Being midbinary.

Being described by a sense of "pure androgyny

A feeling that your gender "matches" femininity and masculinity or male and female, while not being derived in any way from them

A sense of gender

There are also qualities, like Ambiguity/ambiguinity, pandrogyny, ainulinity, aineminity, etc that can be considered ouherine or not. I'll put them in a different post.

Infighting only helps our oppressors.

Infighting only helps our oppressors.

Infighting only helps our oppressors.

“Nonbinary people/genders aren’t a monolith”, “all orientations include nonbinary people”, “nonbinary isn’t a third gender” is basically what it’s all turned into. Just those phrases thrown around in circles, barely elaborated on, despite the fact that none of them actually explain attraction to nonbinary people in any way.

We aren’t a monolith, but there’s also no way to neatly divide nonbinary people into any mutually exclusive gender categories. Which means if you aren’t attracted to all genders, you have to figure out if your orientation is defined by who you are or who you aren’t attracted to. If you know you’re attracted to binary men and not binary women, would you be attracted to someone who is both a man and a woman? What about someone who presents or maybe even identifies as masculine, but also isn’t a man? Someone who presents or aligns as feminine, but who’s a nonbinary man?

All orientations include nonbinary people, but not necessarily all orientations include all nonbinary people. If you aren’t attracted to all genders, you have to think about what nonbinary people you might be attracted to. Is there a line where someone isn’t woman enough? Is too man? Is the line different for nonbinary people who are, say, woman and agender?

Nonbinary isn’t a third gender, except for those of us for whom it is. You better be damn careful that your effort to find language for nonbinary inclusion in attraction isn’t just shoehorning us into the binary categories of masculine or feminine. Some of us are both or neither or something else or nothing or all of the above. If you know you like men and women, what about people with no gender? What about people who define their gender in a way you don’t and maybe can’t understand? What about people who are multiple genders and don’t identify with any one of them over the others?

I also think it's cool if a cis man goes on estrogen, or gets breast augmentation for aesthetic/affirmation reasons, or even gets a vaginoplasty.

I saw a reference on the internet to even low doses of testosterone helping with joint stability- and therefor preventing or slowing joint damage. I brought it up to my doctor tentatively, wondering if it was anything more than gossip. She agreed readily that this was well known and there were studies to back it up.

I asked her WHY, in the years she’d been treating me, she NEVER brought this up. She confided that there were Side Effects. I listed the effects I’d seen on my friends who’d been on testosterone for years, and she nodded along. I waited for her to add something more dangerous that might apply to me.

She had nothing.

She really believed it was such a sure thing that I would rather have chronic pain and potentially reduced mobility than having a lower voice and some extra hair.

As it happens I’m agender and don’t give a shit. But even if I wasn’t- I was loosing jobs and in daily pain!!!!

Binary gender expectations, lack of respect for bodily autonomy and misogyny can fuck you up in ways you didn’t even realize were possible.

Almost exactly 1 year in on low dose testosterone gel and not only do I have GLORIOUS muscles. Seriously my arms are fantastic. But my pain hasn’t been lower in probably 15 years and I’ve stopped worrying about mobility loss. Every part of my health is improved.

Like, I'm not intersex AFAIK, and I'm no expert. But before I Go Off, I'm gonna just say this:

PCOS is a hormonal intersex variation.

Many cis women with PCOS have to deal with:

being treated like they're never going to be "woman enough,"

like they're not "real women,"

shaving their faces daily or multiple times daily to "pass,"

being harassed in public for not passing as cis,

being pressured into taking estrogen/progesterone,

being pressured into continuing to take it even when it negatively affects their mental health,

being body-shamed by medical practitioners and told that losing weight will "cure" them,

And, of course, in the wonderful world of sports, being misgendered, demonized, subjected to drug testing and hormone testing, and being banned from participating.

And as with other intersex people, medical practitioners will do anything to avoid using the "i" word, and frequently hide their diagnoses from them entirely. Which makes it easier to isolate them and control their choices.

(There's a whole thread there, it's extremely worth a read.)

the medical system's refusal to even acknowledge that testosterone is AN option with PCOS is a prime example of how deeply entrenched it is in policing gender and controlling ALL marginalized bodies.

It's just frustrating. I learned this shit within the trans community in the 90s. THE 90S.

Legend has it that at some point along the way, TERFs managed to drive the trans and intersex communities apart. All I know is that at some point, bigots managed to make a whole lot of people think that "trans" is short for "transition" and is the current-day equivalent of what "transsexual" uses to mean... leaving not much space for anybody else.

(Actually, while looking for examples above, I found this horrific TERF site with their usual "autistic 'females' shouldn't transition and are just Misled and it's Bad For Them" nonsense... but which leads with the claim that "PCOS and high testosterone aren't 'disorders of sexual development.'" And then claims that "proper treatment" is "to reduce testosterone."

And why are they even bringing this up? So that they can not only link it to autism, but ALSO claim that it "might cause mental health problems in females."

Literally anything to say that the trans people they DO think are women should not have bodily autonomy, because they can't handle those kinds of Big Decisions with their Weak Little Brains. It's so, SO radically feminist of them!)

I literally saw somebody on Twitter last week insisting that aces, trans men, and intersex, bi, and nonbinary people aren't marginalized, like WTF?! you literally just listed five of the six groups with the worst outcomes in the QUILTBAG there, buddy.

Its name reclaims a slur because the point is to say, “I am different, but that’s not a bad thing.” The queer movement is about upholding the right of all people to deviate from an oppressive cisgender, heterosexual, patriarchal norm. Broadening the spectrum of acceptable diversity; questioning and dismantling the social pressures that police and punish deviance. Changing not just our own lives, but how our entire society thinks about sex and gender.

That’s why “queer” embraces so many different groups. It’s not trying to erase their differences, but to try to coherently understand the complex overlapping pressures that affect each of them, and to extend our reach beyond the LGBT+ community. It’s about the right of lesbians to live without men and the right of trans and nonbinary people to be who they are, the right of asexuals to define for themselves what’s significant in their lives, the right of straight men to be vulnerable and emotional and nonviolent. When the great queering project is done, you will see the changes everywhere, not just in small LGBT+ enclaves.

For everyone who’s like “Whoa, I was with you until you threw straight men in there”:

Homophobia is a huge part of how all men are policed. If a man isn’t strong, tough, aggressive, and dominant? He gets called gay. So this isn’t “Soft straight men are totally LGBT+ and belong in your gay support group!” but it is “Part of the work of disassembling homophobia is changing how it affects straight men.”

It’s the same way that men aren’t the primary intended beneficiaries of feminism, but part of the work of feminism is addressing and changing toxic masculinity. If you’re effective enough at changing the system, you change it for everyone.

Queer is a coalition, not a demographic.

The purpose of the queer coalition is to end the practice of, “you must have [X list of traits] to participate in these parts of society.”

Can cishet men be queer?

Why does it matter?

Being queer isn’t about what specific identity or traits you have. It’s about saying, “HEY! Average isn’t the pinnacle of human existence! We didn’t build this world so everyone could strive to be just like their neighbors! People can be different and we can celebrate that difference, not shun it!”

Can a cishet man “be queer?” I dunno. I don’t think that’s important.

Can a cishet man “live a queer life?” Hell yes he can.

Can a cishet woman “be queer?” Wrong question.

Can a cishet woman “live a queer life?” Hell yes.

These aren’t “straight people appropriating queer culture.” They’re not taking it away from us, not picking and choosing bits of it to share with their cis het friends. These are people joining queer culture.

I really wanna thank socksfur on TikTok for pointing this out - last year (2021), there were REALLY strong “NO KINK AT PRIDE” movements. It really latched onto the more vanilla and younger audiences in the queer community. Here’s the thing that y’all might not know…

Anti kink views in general are extremely rooted in radical feminism (aka “rad fem”), puritanical values (”Sex needs to be for the sole purpose of reproduction only, no fun or bonding!”), and the outright denial that LGBTQ and Kink/Fetish/BDSM have had numerous intersectional groups throughout history (Old Guard are WW2 gay leather vets. Samois was a leather enthusiast lesbian group, just to name a few). 

In no way shape or form am I advocating for kink/fetish/BDSM to engage in penetrative sex acts at PRIDE parades or too hot/heavy PDA, but for the love of God y’all, you’re the screaming white women in church clutching their pearls in horror. 

Heck, even playful roleplaying, costuming, or the use of “light” bondage (like handcuffs or ankle ties) constitutes as kink and fetish. Y’all gotta get over yourselves. Kink, fetish, and BDSM are a totally natural part of human sexuality.

Hey @cardigan-lesbian! I’m going to answer your questions here because the other post is getting super long and personally I’m tired of it.

@robotbisexual you might be able to answer this better than I can, but I’m going to try.

So I know a few bi people who like one binary gender (either men or women), and nonbinary genders, but not the other binary gender.

And they have said that if they think they’re attracted to someone and then are told that person is of the binary gender they don’t like, those feelings go away and they stop feeling attraction.

“What does that attraction entail?” Well, that is a super complicated question that would be really hard to answer and actually isn’t relevant here. But to simplify matters, different people experience attraction in different ways. So some people might experience sexual attraction, some might experience romantic attraction, and some might experience both. It depends on the orientation of the person as well as the situation.

As someone who is pansexual, I fall for certain traits, yeah, and learning your gender won’t affect my feelings for you. If I like you, I’ll like you whether you’re a man or woman or genderqueer or anything else. It doesn’t matter. But for some people it really does.

For me finding out the person I like is actually a trans man would be okay. I like men. But for a lot of people, that wouldn’t be okay because they don’t like men, so they would stop being interested.

If they continue to be attracted to the man even though they don’t like men, it could mean that they actually do like men or that they don’t recognize him as a real man. Maybe it means something else. Maybe they think it’s attraction and it’s actually a different feeling. I don’t know. It depends on the situation and the person.

Fluid sexuality means “our understanding of ourselves grows through self-examination and it’s okay to become more or less comfortable with certain self-identifiers over time.”

Fluid sexuality means “we do not belong to labels just because we meet somebody else’s definition of them, we align ourselves with labels and their narratives as a conscious act of self-realization.”

“Ahistoric,” my ass. Its “ahistoric” because historically, trans people were stomped on and unrecognized, and we didn’t have labels for other genders.

(a) this is an imaginary dudebro,

(b) who you’re also just assuming is not actually bi,

© by deciding that these “afab and not very masculine” people are basically women.

I have tried and tried, and I can’t find a way of looking at this straw dudebro that people keep describing, that DOESN’T imply that the very real people creating him think that “afab not very masculine” people’s actual gender doesn’t matter.

To the dudebro, or to his sexual orientation, or to the community, or just in the world in general.

I also see slightly different descriptions, from each person, of just which nonbinary people’s genders don’t matter.

It’s always some variation on us “afab” people; that seems to be what really matters to folks. I’ve yet to see anybody say “attracted to cis women and transfeminine nb people,” which at least seems like it would make a tiny bit more sense.

I feel like - despite the inherent cissexist and intersexist assumptions about anatomy - everyone’s really saying, “my imaginary guy can’t be bi because he’s never encountered a dick!”

Like. This is a huge problem in the bi community, this thing where you have to prove to outsiders that you’re bi enough by meeting their high standards for how many genders and sets of genitals you’ve been with. It needs to stop.

To which I say: there is no possible crisis of conscience for Imaginary Dudebro to continue identifying as straight. There is no reason for him to stop identifying as straight.

There is no incentive to identify as bisexual. “Bisexual” is not a “get out of violence free” card. Ever. No matter how the word is defined. Pretending (yes, pretending) that bi people are straight does not immunize us against the heterosexist violence we face for being bi. Because—

get this—

non-straight people don’t get to decide what Straight looks like.

When you say, “you can’t be bi unless you’re attracted to people of your own gender,” you’re not only erasing real people’s lived experiences, you’re erasing violence against non-straight people, committed explicitly to uphold heterosexism. When you try to gatekeep the community, you give Real Straight People a free pass to commit violence against queer people. 

I mean, that’s exactly what it is. It’s… waitasec.

This just hit me, I haven’t examined it in-depth, but hear me out: It’s purity culture, except for gayness.

Do they really think that being trans/with trans people makes you less likely to experience violent bigotry?

Do they not see that they literally just said that trans people have no reason to be part of their “community?”

Bisexual Organizations:

http://www.biresource.net/BRC_Brochure_2010.pdf (Bisexual Resource Center: USA) “The BRC uses bisexual as an umbrella term for people who recognize and honor their potential for sexual and emotional attraction to more than one gender. We celebrate and affirm the diversity of identity and expression regardless of labels.” http://bisexual.org/am-i-bi/ (American Institute of Bisexuality) “A bi person has the capacity for romantic and/or sexual attraction to more than one gender.” http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/AmIBisexual (Bisexual Index: UK) “This is how we define it: A bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender. You might care about the gender of your partner a lot, a little, or not at all - but their gender doesn’t prevent you from being attracted to them.”

http://www.biuk.org/ (Bi UK)

“Bisexuality (or bi) is commonly defined as being attracted to both men and women. However, many members of bisexual communities tend to prefer the definition: ‘a changeable sexual and emotional attraction to people of any sex, where gender may not be a defining factor’: the emphasis here is on being attracted to more than one gender or being attracted to people regardless of gender.” (under the FAQ link)

http://binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/03/binet-usa-bisexual-media-guide.html (BiNet USA) “Bisexual - A person whose enduring physical, romantic and/or emotional attraction is to other people of various sexes and/or gender identities. Individuals may experience this attraction in differing ways and degrees over their lifetime.” http://www.torontobinet.org/bi-culture.html (Toronto Bisexual Network) “Bisexuality is the potential to feel attracted to and to engage in sexual and/or romantic relationships with people of any sex or gender.”

Activists:

http://robynochs.com/quotes/ (Robyn Ochs; Bisexual Activist)

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted - romantically and/or sexually - to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

Other Organizations:

http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/glossary-of-terms (Human Rights Campaign)

“Bisexual | A person emotionally, romantically, sexually and relationally attracted to more than one sex and/or gender, though not necessarily simultaneously, in the same way or to the same degree.”

Community on Tumblr:

http://bifacts.tumblr.com/faq

“Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders, not necessarily to the same extent, not necessarily in the same way, not necessarily at the same time.”

http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/idingasbipolyorpan

“bisexuality is, broadly speaking, the attraction to two or more genders. bisexuality is not inherently or transphobic or exclusive of non binary genders—note that there are both binary and non-binary trans people who identify as bisexual. it is possible for bisexuals to be attracted to be attracted to anywhere from two to an infinite number of genders. many times, bisexuals will define their own sexuality as the attraction to both similar and different genders (which encompasses all genders). however, it is important to remember that bisexuals can be attracted to multiple genders without being attracted to people of their own gender. for example, an agender bi person may be attracted to women, bigender, and genderfluid people, or a bi woman might be attracted to men and agender people…..”

http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/definitions

“bisexual: the (sexual) attraction to two or more genders. sometimes defined as the attraction to same + different genders; however, this is not true of all bisexuals.”

http://biphobic-bisexual.tumblr.com/faq

“bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders”

http://bisexuality-is.tumblr.com/faq

“Bisexuals have been defining bisexuality as the attraction to two or more/same and other for decades. This isn’t some made-up tumblr joke. Words change meaning. Prefixes change meanings. We didn’t even give ourselves the term bisexual to begin with, doctors did.”

http://nonmono-perspective.tumblr.com/definitions

“bisexual- sexually attracted to your same/similar gender and other gender(s), OR sexually attracted to 2 or more genders. Some bisexuals feel that they experience different kinds or degrees of attraction to different genders/gender presentations.”

http://pinkpurplebluepride.tumblr.com/faq

“Bi: attracted to two or more genders. Some people will define it as “attracted to similar and different genders,” but this is slightly less inclusive than the above definition. I’m of the mind that “similar and different” evolved to satisfy bi=2 prescriptivists, but they are insatiable and forever gross.”

http://thesunnysideofbeingbi.tumblr.com/basics

“…being bi does not reinforce the gender binary. And some bi people are only attracted to men and women–and that’s ok! However, bi is not defined as the attraction to men and women, or two genders. It can be for an individual, but not for our entire community. That definition is not only false, but harmful. (This is not to imply that bi people can’t be transphobic!)

This also means that you don’t have to be sexually attracted to people to be bi. There are so many different kinds of attraction, and to just focus on bisexuality would be excluding a lot of people (e.g. being biromantic).”

http://bisexuwhale-pride.tumblr.com/faq

“What does bisexual mean?

Attraction to:

1. Two or more genders or

2. More than one gender.”

http://themeaningofbisexuality.tumblr.com/

“Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders”

http://soloontherocks.tumblr.com/post/104877455841/nothing-extraordinary-soloontherocks-got-it

“Bisexuality is not half gay and half straight. Bisexuality is not in between gay and straight. Bisexuality is not gay when dating the same gender and straight when dating a different gender. Bisexuality is not gay-ish or straight-ish.

Bisexuality is its own fully independent self-contained complete orientation.”

http://bifaq.tumblr.com/post/124565262825/i-dont-find-bi-means-2-to-be-offensive-and-im

http://julietburgess.tumblr.com/post/17986625411/bisexual-is-not-oppressive-can-we-talk-about

Other things worth the read about the definition of bisexuality:

Bisexual Manifesto from 1990:

http://binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/01/1990-bi-manifesto.html

“We are tired of being analyzed, defined and represented by people other than ourselves, or worse yet, not considered at all. We are frustrated by the imposed isolation and invisibility that comes from being told or expected to choose either a homosexual or heterosexual identity.

Monosexuality is a heterosexist dictate used to oppress homosexuals and to negate the validity of bisexuality.

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit. Do not equate promiscuity, infidelity, or unsafe sexual behavior with bisexuality. Those are human traits that cross all sexual orientations. Nothing should be assumed about anyone’s sexuality, including your own.

We are angered by those who refuse to accept our existence; our issues; our contributions; our alliances; our voice. It is time for the bisexual voice to be heard“

https://lgbt.ucsd.edu/education/biphobia.html http://conditionallyaccepted.com/2015/07/14/bisexuality-part1/http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/bi-vs-pan/

http://www.thisisbiscuit.co.uk/but-bi-means-two-and-others-reason-why-we-should-change-the-conversation/

https://somewhatofsomethingother.wordpress.com/2011/03/27/being-bisexual-means-that-youre-only-attracted-to-two-genders-bi-means-two-two-genders/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/the-bad-b-word-a-need-for-bisexual-acceptance_b_1781589.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/bisexual-gender-binary_b_2425081.html

”Defining bisexuality, just like defining any identity label, can be complicated and controversial. My definition of the label “bisexual” is informed by the work of The Bisexual Organizing Project. It includes people who use labels such as “bisexual,” “non-monosexual,” “persexual,” “omnisexual,” “ambisexual,” “pansexual,” “queer” or any other term that people use to identify themselves as individuals who are emotionally, romantically or physically attracted to people of more than one sex, gender or gender identity. I also recognize that not everyone chooses to adopt a label to describe their sexual orientation, and I also include non-labeling people who see themselves as part of a queer, non-monosexual or bisexual community under my definition of “bisexual.”“

Reasons why the prefix/etymology argument is not a very good one against “bi = attraction to 2 or more”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etymological_fallacy

http://bisexual-dragons.tumblr.com/post/124749476996/i-love-doing-the-october-is-not-the-8th-month-of

http://bifaq.tumblr.com/post/124565262825/i-dont-find-bi-means-2-to-be-offensive-and-im

http://www.thisisbiscuit.co.uk/but-bi-means-two-and-others-reason-why-we-should-change-the-conversation/

https://somewhatofsomethingother.wordpress.com/2011/03/27/being-bisexual-means-that-youre-only-attracted-to-two-genders-bi-means-two-two-genders/

http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/post/88492965880/but-bi-means-two-fun-fact-did-u-know-we

http://freelgbtqpia.tumblr.com/post/112776160876/how-couldnt-but-bi-means-two-doesnt-it-its-the

http://ideas.ted.com/20-words-that-once-meant-something-very-different/

Yeah, if you’re a white woman. I am sick and tired of people dismissing the complicated relationships POC have to sexuality (in the “being sexual” sense, not the orientation sense, though that’s it’s own maze of complexity). And when we do talk about, it’s solely about hypersexualization, which is only half of the puzzle.

Brown and black people of all genders are also desexualized. That’s true overall, but I can only speak in detail about the experience of being a south asian brown woman. Me being non-sexual is NOT seen as pure and good. It’s seen as my default state. Even more so because I am not thin by any definition (fat people, and fat POC in particular, have that extra layer of desexualization to deal with). I am not “pure” when I don’t have sex and “dirty” when I do. Non-sexual is seen as my “natural” state of being. Having sexual desire/being sexual, for a brown fat girl, speeds right on past “dirty” and into “repulsive”. It’s not naughty or scandalous, it’s unnatural, gross, the abject.

Asexuality as an identity is already so much to try to grapple with when you have this history of colonialism and white supremacy defining what it means to be sexual. I don’t fucking need white lgbt people preaching to me about how society ~values~ lack of sexuality/sexual desire, when imposing that lack upon us has been one of the historical tools of white supremacy.