🐙🐘 @olliexphant - Tumblr Blog

You see, Perry the Platypus, when Vanessa was a little girl, she wanted to take estrogen. Of course, I said yes. And since then she’s always been my little girl. Well recently, Vanessa’s school deadnamed her on her reports! Can you believe that!? I mean we live in a fairly progressive area and—hey, isn’t that not allowed in public schools??

Anyway, that’s when I got the idea for THIS! The deadname-eraser-inator! That way, not only will Vanessa no longer be deadnamed, but EVERY OTHER TRANS PERSON IN THE TRI! STATE! AREA!

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madqueensarah

If you’re an adult, do the stuff you couldn’t as a kid.

Like, me and my sister went to a museum, and they had an extra exhibit of butterflies. But it cost £3. So we sighed, walked past, then stopped. We each had £3. We could see the butterflies. And we did it was great. We followed it up with an ice-cream as well because Mum and Dad weren’t there to say no.

I was driving back from a work trip with 2 other people in their early 20s, and we drove past a MacDonalds. One of the others went “Aww man, I’d love a McFlurry.” And the guy driving pulled in to the drive through. It was wild. But it was great.

I went to a park over the weekend and I was thinking “Man, I’d love to hire one of those bikes and cycle round the park.” It took me a few minutes to go “Wait, I can hire one of those bikes!”

I guess what I’m saying is, those impulsive things you wanted to do as a kid - see the dinosaur exhibit, play in the fountains with the other kids, lie in the shade for 2 hours - you can do when you’re an adult. You have to deal with a whole lot of other bull, but at least you can indulge your inner 8 year-old.

one-time-i-dreamt

I adore this

thickness-protection-program

Ngl I think most jobs should be illegal

thickness-protection-program

"be able to stand for 12 hours"

"overtime required"

"must show up 10 minutes before scheduled clock in time"

"11 hour shifts with 30 minute break"

Die die die die die diediediediedie

b4bysitter-deactivated20210208

shout out to ace and aro kids who are constantly bombarded with the opinion that sex and romantic love are directly connected to living a happy life.

b4bysitter-deactivated20210208

Y’all are just reblogging this at the speed of sound tonight

beaniebaneenie

Since it’s almost valentines day, and this message is about to get hammered in even more, reblogging this again.

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Just ate an entire pear that was so good and so juicy i started gnawing on it with both hands like an animal and the face my supervisor made when he passed by my desk while I was absolutely consumed by my pear fueled bacchanal was Something i have never seen someone look so tired and also so upset and also also so envious

thealphapigeon

Had another pear today it was even JUICIER than the pear I had yesterday and had to eat over my trashcan so I didn't get juice all over myself and while I was hunched over lost in the sauce I heard the deepest sigh and when I looked up my supervisor was standing over me like

thealphapigeon

Called out in the company group chat

selfhealingmoments

at the end of the day it’s just you and your silly little life. so go on, enjoy it, be the person you want to be.

birthdaysongs

hate whenever mfs in horror media are like “what was that noise…” bro you and i both know its creatures

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qqueenofhades

Just took psychic damage from reading the words "a quarter of a century ago in 1996," and if I have to suffer, so do you.

hanpancakes

Stupid dumb little comic

prokopetz

New rule: for every dick that’s removed from a depiction of a classic work of art so as to render it palatable for public consumption, a different classic work of art must gain one in order to balance the scales. No dick on Michaelangelo’s David? Now there’s a dick on Edvard Munch’s The Scream. This is what you have wrought.

undeadentropy

Add the dick to female artwork to really piss them off, and make our day

headspace-hotel

Is there rules about where the dick needs to go

tiredkitten123

saul-tortellini

This is perhaps my new favorite video

transmechanicus

I would like to state for the record i’ve ignored this post the last 50 times i’ve seen it bc i thought it would be some hyper cutsie anime girl voice and i’m overjoyed to report it is instead Weapons Grade Miku complete with war horns that fuck

unrelenting-usurper

Sign at my local movie theater that feels like a desperate warning

shitposting-extraordinaire

Sonic 3 poster

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kunosoura

my number one woman behavior is saying i’m fine with any pronouns and silently ranking people in my regard based on what they do with that information

deirdreskye

This is George Costanza behavior

windex-for-blood

GEORGE, at a function: Pronouns? Oh, you know, anything. Anything fine. It’s the twenty-first century, right?

-Cut, establishing shot of Jerry’s apartment, bass riff.-

GEORGE: He/him, Jerry!

JERRY: No, they just him’d you?

GEORGE: HE. HIM! I gave them a BUFFET, and they went for plain white bread. Genders as far as the eye could see! Something with an X in it!

JERRY: The X ones are fun…

theygender

GEORGE: If they can’t appreciate a good xie or ey… Then that’s it. I’m swearing off pronouns for good. No more pronouns for George Costanza!

JERRY: No pronouns?

GEORGE: No pronouns.

JERRY: No-nouns?

GEORGE: No-nouns.

JERRY: Alright, well, if that’s what you want…

GEORGE: Oh, it is! I’m living the pronoun-free life, starting now. The buffet is CLOSED, Jerry. From here on out I am George and only George!

-George storms out of the apartment and into the hallway. Enter Elaine, baffled and unaware of the conversation that just took place.-

ELAINE: What’s his problem?

-Muffled screaming is heard from the hallway.-

homo-sex-shoe-whale

As a Jewish person who suffers from bipolar disorder, I have no sympathy for Kanye West. Bipolar disorder turned me into an apathetic, irresponsible person, sure, but it never turned me into a fucking Nazi. There is no manic episode that could make me shout racist slurs, or spew such vile things. When I was manic, I turned into a promiscuous alcoholic, not a bigot. Turning into a Nazi isn't in the DSM5, I can assure you.

Kanye West has more followers on Twitter than there are Jews worldwide. He is one of the most famous people on earth. The fact he can go on an antisemitic rampage without consequences is terrifying. If you're not a Jew, your Jewish friends need your allyship more than ever right now.

Kanye West isn't an asshole because he's bipolar. He's a racist, antisemitic asshole who happens to be bipolar.

homo-sex-shoe-whale

Bipolar people who didn't turn into raging bigots because of their bipolar disorder:

Me

Mariah Carey

Pete Wentz

Kurt Cobain

Amy Winehouse

Carrie Fisher

Halsey

Selena Gomez

And millions of other bipolar people worldwide who are battling this mental illness without going on bigoted rampages

metalheadsagainstfascism

Mania doesn't make you a bigot.

It lowers your impulse control.

Which means that Kanye has always been a bigot. It's just his mental health makes it harder to hold that bigotry back.

I sense the modern populace who are clutching their pearls would have a fucking stroke after learning how many people are secretly thinking the same thing, but held back from stating it due to impulse control.

His mental health doesn't make him a Nazi. It just makes it extordinarily hard to hide the fact that he's a Nazi.

To clarify. This means that his mental health doesn't make him a Nazi. It just makes him a very vocal Nazi.

-fae

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