★☆☆☆☆

Kermit going: “However-“ and immediately firing a pistol repeatedly is fantastic and my new favorite clap back for literally anything

the app crashed three times trying to reblog this post

once you learn enough about evolutionary biology you start seeing ghosts everywhere

This really might be the finest 4th wall joke ever pulled off.

T shirt that says “I ❤️ getting laid” & then on the back it says “to REST” with a photo of a coffin + the name & phone number for a local cemetery. Please follow for more advertising ideas

They just don’t release the hounds like they used to

in my day someone just let the dogs out. never did know who.

to me demons are like cats just doing whatever they want causing problems on purpose, while angels are like hares theyre painfully aware of their place in this world theyve seen the end

now, pecker means penis. and wood means boner. so of course you would make assumptions about the term woodpecker. but no. the bird

have you noticed that everything depends on various factors

Creature

they really don't make Bigass Cabinet For Computer anymore. we were at the used furniture warehouse the other day & they had so many. that's the way things should be. lock away that wretched machine when you're done looking at it

*describing some learned fellow i'm acquainted with* he's very articulate *remembers when he crossed me* i mean verbose