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- my neighbors telling all their friends and family about my landscaping and woodland restoration. I have never discussed this with my neighbors! But hearing last night that it’s been positively noticed and they are so appreciative really did make me feel Quite Good. They also wanted to use my yard for photos because of all my native plant blooms lol and they can’t wait for winter for me to clear out more vines and bramble. The part that really made my heart sing was that everyone said they noticed a distinct increase in fireflies this year compared to last.

- a mom and her smol daughter are introducing themselves to me. Daughter gives me a very English sounding name, mom says something under her breath like “that’s not your name!” And I say to the smol girl “My Anglicized name is ____, but my real name, my Hebrew name, is ____. Do you want me to call you by your real name? Because I’d like to call you by your real name. I can pronounce it, I promise.” And both mom and smol daughter LIGHT UP and immediately ditch their English names.

- all 16 families give speeches about the high school grad and then suddenly I am also asked to give a speech about this girl I know only in passing. Made a joke, crushed it. I am the Cool Neighbor now.

- having Very Bad Scotch with all the men outside discussing Immigration, the Economy, and Agriculture. They were fascinated that I am the one who does all things outdoorsy, that I am the landscaper and gardener and farmer, not my cishet spouse. I give many facts about bats, I have convinced many to invest in saving bats by citing how much money they save Society in crop pest control annually. I give many impassioned talks about the prairies and learn a tremendous amount about rubber trees and rubber tree plantations in India.

- I have been over to their house a few times before this and there’s never ever been any alcohol so I assumed none of them drank but then this One Guy shows up and I am informed that he is The Guy. Next thing I know I have three drinks in my hand of three different liquors and I am thinking to myself “oh OKAY you guys party hard actually”

- when I am inside dancing with all the 50+ year old women, they are Impressed that I am picking up the moves so quickly and I say something off hand jokingly like “my people love to dance too” and then they stop the music and ask me to put on MY people’s music. Imagine it if you will, this Lone Jew, teaching 20 Indian women how to do the hora.

⊹ standing too close. like just barely not touching. why are their shoulders breathing on each other??

⊹ conversations that sound normal but feel like foreplay. “pass the salt” has never been so loaded.

⊹ one of them says something flirty and the other freezes for 0.2 seconds like “oh.”

⊹ eyes dropping to lips and then—back up. with effort.

⊹ holding eye contact just a little too long. like... are they gonna kiss or duel??

⊹ unintentional physical contact that lasts one second too long and now they’re both broken

⊹ a hand on the small of the back. that’s it. that’s the tweet.

⊹ tension so thick that other characters start noticing like “hey are you two okay?” (they are not)

⊹ “accidental” sleepovers. “oh no there’s only one bed.” yeah. suuuure.

⊹ biting back a smile. biting back a moan. biting anything really.

⊹ one of them walks away and the other has to physically restrain themselves from watching the hips