you're a wanker #9

okay so i will have to preface all my opinions with, I am truly trying to take my shipper heart out of this, I'm really trying to take the first movie and compare this as a cash-grab sequel (if I rated it as like, a regular, better movie, this would be a lot longer lol) im sure everyone who took part in this movie wanted to do something that would be fun, make money and not ruffle any feathers, I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

The main problem with this movie is it wants to give everyone a happy ending and everyone a sympathetic beat and we also cannot piss off people who want to give this movie money. no character has any stakes, nobody has any consequences. The solution to your problem is not this billionaire it's actually THIS billionaire. No, no, no, the women who betrayed your trust gets a complete pass, not even a tiny bit of a hard time and also I'm not gonna push back about that calorie comment you made at all and im STILL going to make fat jokes btw. Sure the hard ass boss wants her job but she has a loving husband who is supporting her and outside her job her life actually seems to be going pretty well, why am I rooting for her to get this job? especially when I have not seen why she is still needed in this industry? (I don't think we saw her being exceptionally GOOD at her job like the first movie, anyone with eyes could see that photoshoot brough up in the meeting was bad)

I think this still could have been a good cash-grab movie so im going to talk about the problems by suggesting changes i would have made to just improve the movie/character arcs and i’ll roughly break this up via character and then add on any random thoughts I had on at the end.

Plot tweeks: Miranda and Andy (maybe even Emily!) striking out on their own in something new for fashion, NOT preserving the dead corpse of runway. This is something I thought we WERE going to get when Andy and Emily find Miranda to tell them what they've done and Andy talk about how they're going to “save” runway and “preserve” it, I thought Miranda telling them that runways is on life support and already dead would have been a nice punch in the gut?

Miranda would use all her contacts, all her knowledge, shows she should STILL be in this space because there is something elusive that she has, that she gives, I wouldn't even be mad if they used Lucy liu’s money to do it, I think it could be a stark warning of, fuck, the only way is to have a patron with a vision, it's not the same as it was 20 years ago. publishing isn't the same.

Miranda tweeks: remove the husband, his plot points were to soften Miranda, give her a happy ending and let her have some moments of reflection. One, HER WORK IS HER HAPPY ENDING, that was the POINT of the first movie, her personal life was sacrificed for her job, did everyone working on the movie forget this??? The twins (and Andy) should have been here scenes of reflection, who should she have seen/spoken to before she knocked on andys door? her kids!!!! yes I loved that she said she loved to work, but i feel more interesting stakes could have been between her job and her kids, maybe since they’ve grown up more she felt she could have taken the job after really trying to mend the relationship with them. I would have loved some empty nest Miranda, she's tried to be there for the kids more and she has but now they have lives! and she has only her job again. I truly did not care when she was telling her husband “when do i know when i should stop” and he was like “you have me and the twins etc.” but im there like, yeah, she does, i dont really care if she gets the big job since all we’ve seen from her is just taking all the shit her job has thrown at her and not fighting back? It felt like it took SO LONG for miranda to WAKE UP that she was just rolling with the punches and not actually punching back (hi, seeing andy should have been more of a wake up to her past self??)

Andy tweeks: get rid of the boyfriend, yes I loved seeing more Tracie Toms in that plotline but you easily could have moved her to other scenes. He was fine, the scenes were cute, the banter and chemistry was great but truly added nothing but a “complete” happy ending for Andy (look she CAN have it all!) I could have seen some use if he tied in to andy’s work plot in literally anyway, the metaphor with the renovated building was fucking useless in the actual plot (nate was very critical in andy’s work plot with christian after all) you could have removed all the scenes involving him and nothing would have changed in the movie (a male sexy lamp if you will lol)

the one point he genuinely could have added was helping Andy have perspective on RUNWAY if the plotline of miranda striking out and making her OWN thing was applied. He reconfigured that building of apartments because it wasn't working in the current situation, while I don't think changing it into luxury apartments is exactly a noble cause or useful, (and andys snap at him I was kind of with her lol, a single crack of perspective from the film) the transformation narrative maybe could have shown her runway isn't working in the current time, the building was going to be pulled down.

Emily's villain rewrite: she should have actually been more on the advertisement side (advertising agency perhaps?), less on the fashion retail side, she should have used her connections to wrangle a leveraged buyout. This is a death sentence for any publication but would have at least put her in charge in the way she wanted for a bit, a very poisoned chalice for her, and ALSO hit Andy extra hard for the betrayal since that's defo how she lost her job. also, either no kids or, bad with her kids. having her be an extremely”good” mum felt like trying to soften her, she should be following Miranda footsteps!!! (deep down we know she's a dyke but that's a conversation for another time)

The meeting with Andy and Emily at the end really cheapened her betrayal, I do think Andy should have given her a slice of forgiveness but through a cutting remark and one where we understand they might be friends in 3-4 years time, but not yet (I think also this would go well with Emily joining Miranda and Andy on a new venture, she's allowed in but not 100% trusted yet, ideally she pulls a move at the very end to help runway be free of the buyout and allowed to be bought by Lucy liu)

Emily and miranda’s scene felt like it had more emotional connection then any of miranda and andy’s got, yes we had the car scene but idk it felt like they were trying to dodge the lesbianism so hard they forgot to give miranda or any any real connection. Andy’s scene where she comes to miranda’s house and miranda just dismisses her?? Hadn’t andy shown she cared about runway by that point, she was in the inner circle, she got the interview only she could get, miranda respected her and yet she was turned away instantly. Just…so boring?

Amari (Simone Ashley) was stunning but….what did she do in the plot…..both Charlie (Caleb Heron) + Amari’s roles should have been combined, even using budget cuts of Miranda can only have one assistant as a plot line. Charlie gave andy the interview idea, amari gave cute remarks but idk what for the plot.

TOO MANYYYY USELESS CALL BACKS. You can have one, you can have three, you can even have 10 but my god they have to be USEFUL EVENTUALLY or they just become wanky. For example call backs that were useless: milan fashion week montage, calling back to the paris fashion week montage but the point of that was Andy being seduced by the glamour of her job, wtf was the point of the milan montage other than calling back to the first movie and showing cameos, it felt far too long for a scene setting. Call backs that were cute: andy wearing the cerulean vest in the last scene.

Quick fire thoughts that if i expand on, i will literally just never answer this ask bc i dont have time:

Hated the entire script of miranda talking to nigel, yes the scene should have worked that way but oof the dialogue was just so clunky.

Lady gaga killed it OBVIOUSLY but felt like such a weird cameo that had nothing to do with the film or characters (real like or no) am i missing something? Honestly felt like Madonna would have been a more natural choice (not saying she would have done it but gaga felt a bit out of left field?)

Why did the fat jokes feel worse in this film.

MIRANDA WIG WAS BAD!!!!!!!!!! IT LOOKED LIKE A WIG!!! NO IT WASNT BC SHE HAS LESS VOLUMOUS HAIR AS SHE IS AGING LOOK AT THAT HAIRLINE AND THEN GO AND LOOK AT THE HAIRLINE OF DWP1

Cinematography was kinda boring BUT i was actually impressed by the colours and contrast, thought it was actually pretty and im looking forward to getting a HD version at home

Fuuuckkkk mirada looked so good in that suit at the funeral