ℒandmine 𝑇oko

Last account got deleted because Tumblr hates me and wants me to kill myself (used to be @jiraicon)

But anyways I'm Oktavia <3

˚₊‧꒰ა About Me ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

- I’m Oktavia

- I'm 20

- I'm a lesbian

- I'm nonbinary (she/they)

- I'm 5'3

- #1 Misandrist

- I'm really into jirai kei and I wanna get into yami kawaii/menhera kei

- I'm a lifestyle jirai

- I have BPD, clinical depression, and social anxiety

- I'm an attention whore so please send me asks 🙏

- I do tend to block people under 16, ageless blogs, bigots, proshippers, etc etc

˚₊‧꒰ა I like ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

DXM, cigarettes, Danganronpa, vtubers, TikTok, alcohol, cute things, sanrio, video games, women, vocaloid, money, Italian soda, vapes, drugs, cats, pink, pain (to an extent), music, rhythm games (I'm bad at them though)

˚₊‧꒰ა Socials ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Discord (please only add me if you're 18+): oktycantsleep

TikTok: jiraicon

Twitter: OktyCantSleep

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@jiraicon?si=whkNnAxtDOV4zoEx

“I’m so glad I matured and don’t really relate to THH Toko very much anymore! That could’ve been bad!” I say as I continue to self isolate, not talk to the people around me because I’m convinced they hate me and wanna kill me and fantasize about women who would absolutely hate me

I went to see the Backrooms movie !! I actually really liked it omg

Also my first time in a while trying to do pien makeup

- ⭐️💜

No I don’t usually get my dxm from NyQuil, it’s actually my least favorite way, and I use NyQuil pretty irregularly so I don’t know what issues the Acetaminophen would cause !

Dying on the hill that “narcissistic abuse” isn’t a fucking thing

There’s ZERO difference between “narcissistic abuse” and just regular abuse tactics, someone having a personality disorder doesn’t suddenly change the abuse or make it different 😭

If someone with BPD abused you you wouldn’t suddenly call it “borderline abuse” or some stupid shit like that

You weren’t narcissistically abused, you were just abused

Honestly dropping out was like the most useless thing I did. Yeah I was like, a month away from killing myself, but it’s not like I really went to my GED classes either. I went for like a month, before getting suddenly really depressed and super anxious, and then I just stopped going

I don’t have a life direction anyway tho, so it’s whatever I guess

Which, by the way, I JUST realized was 2 years ago, because the first day I tried dxm I took a picture and that picture is dated back to March of 2024- I DIDNT THINK ID BEEN DOING THIS FOR TWO YEARS VERY CONSISTENTLY

ITS ONLY FELT LIKE A FEW MONTHS

I LOATHE the possible day I have to tell my mom I may or may not have a dxm problem for two years

I’m pretty sure my mom took the NyQuil, and now I’m REALLY tweaking out

I know I’m not sober but I still FEEL sober smh 😭

Lately I’ve been contemplating and trying to think of ways of doing something really fucked to do to myself to get sent to hospital, so then they put me on something strong like Valium or something and if I’m lucky they’ll keep my prescribed on it for a while, so my drug horizons just keep broadening and broadening, do you see my vision??? Do you get it??

OR just the next time I go to the doctor I need a REALLY good excuse and reason for why they’d need to prescribe me something like Xanax

I always forget that taking a large amount of dxm will only make you want MORE dxm

But I definitely can’t have MORE NyQuil right now, because my mom just got the new bottle TODAY, and she was already hesitant to buy it, so if I down an entire bottle by myself in one day there will undoubtedly be questions and she will FOR SURE take me to the hospital, for good reason but I don’t wanna be inconvenienced

I might’ve downed too much NyQuil, my vision just went COMPLETELY blurry for a full minute holy 😭

Somebody convince me to throw away my vape 😭

It’s burnt as HELL and makes a popping sound whenever I hit it now and it really burns my throat (even aside from being sick) but I can’t bring myself to throw it away

> hating people being in my business and being self aware enough to know parasocialism is bad and concerning

> lowkey wishing for a slightly parasocial cult-like fanbase one day

Make it make sense