Well Shit.

whenever a young kid joins our staff at work im just like huh. guess im a father now.

these kids will be like “can you drive me home? i don’t have gas money but-” and im already pullin out my keys and am like. sweetheart, you are a child. i am not charging a child gas money.

i literally almost lunged across the counter to throw hands with some old hag who yelled at and insulted one of our 16 y/o girls but instead i threw her sandwich at her and told her to never fucking come back

old dudes will flirt with our young girls too and i’ll be like ay man this is a truck stop, normal customer service rules dont apply here. i can and will call the cops on you.

im the only manager that actively tells them to steal food because these are teenagers and they are HUNGRY

You are the only valid manager

G.O.A.T

wtf

I love how he showed how many times he failed though, that’s inspirational for people out here trying to learn

i love that victory slide

Are we gonna pretend he didn’t just banish that helmet from this dimension on camera??

He sent it to the fucking shadow realm

I know I’ve reblogged this and commented before- but my favorite part is that immediately after this, Malcolm is like “so anyway I got you these” and hands Reese some pamphlets about accepting yourself as queer that he got from the guidance counselor, and Reese is like “oh, I got you these” and hands him a grocery bag full of gay porn.

let’s pour one out for all the janitors who clean and never get enough appreciation

Don’t they gotta clean up what we pour out

fuck stop it everyone the post is cancelled everyone please stop fuck what have I done

let’s clean one up for the janitors

Just found out sleeping does not erase all my problems. Shocked and upset

Genuinely just a good man. Wife adopts teenage witch that needs a place to stay in the city? Sure. Even though you got a kid on the way? That’s fine. Cat too? Love cats. 

why am i nostalgic for my teenage years bitch i didnt even have fun !!!

Yeah but your back didn’t hurt

THIS IS THE SMOOTHEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN HTE FRICK

IT’S BACK

I can’t stop watching

I don’t need 6 seconds of this I need 6 hours

sometimes i think i’m arrogant but then i remember that julius caesar was kidnapped by cicilian pirates and when they demanded a ransom of 620 kgs of silver he got mad because he thought he was worth more than that and made them raise it to 1550 kg

He has also recited his own poetry to them.

#dude this is why you got stabbed by all your friends

“lives in my head rent-free” is such a strange expression. Does anything in your head actually pay rent?

the little mouse who lives in my frontal lobe is my only source of income

pocky be like “share happiness!” and i eat it alone like a woodchipper