ofstoriesandstardust

“You’re a lifesaver kid.” He says as he squeezes your shoulder. “Wow, you got big.” 

You laugh. “How many years has it been? Haven’t seen you since what, 2003?” 

“Just about. You used to be the height of my knee and now look at ya.” You laugh again. “C’mon, I’ll give you a little tour of the lodge and hand you off to one of the counselors who can really show you around. Thank you again, by the way. I really wasn’t sure we’d find someone so last minute.” 

“Of course! I need the work, so I appreciate Mike reaching out.”

“Kiddos come in today so being short a counselor would have been less than ideal. One of ours had a family emergency that we found out about on Saturday, so we were scrambling. Tom and I were so relieved when Mike reached back out to us and said you’d do it.” He shoulders the front door the lodge open, letting you pass. “So this is the lodge. This is our main congregating area. We eat meals in here and through the backdoor is where we return dishes. The office is down this way.” He turns to the right and you follow. “This is our office, if you need anything from Tom or I during the day we’re usually in here.” 

A taller man stands as you enter, offering out his hand with a grin. “This is Javy, one of our veteran counselors. He’ll show you around and be one of your fellow counselors for this week.” 

“Pleasure to meet you.” He says, smile growing wider.

You return the smile. “Likewise.” 

At first look, Javy is not hard on the eyes by any means.

He’s got broad shoulders with defined arms, an easy smile complimenting his jawline and kind eyes. He exudes friendly energy and even the teal blue of the camp t-shirt he’s wearing suits him. 

Pete gives you a knowing look, almost as if he can hear your inner thoughts. “Javy can give you the tour and the lowdown on camp. Kids will roll in around 10:30, 11, depending on traffic so we’ll do a welcome  once they’re all here and then get some lunch. You guys are doing…” Pete trails off as he blindly searches for a paper on the cluttered desk. 

“Baking camp.” Javy finishes for him with a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Right.” Pete snaps. “I should really know that.” 

Javy snorts. “Yeah, you should. Come on, let’s get you the tour.” 

The two of you head out of the office and back down the hallway from which you came. “I’m sure Pete pointed out the dining area when you guys came in. Pete and Tom eat meals with us almost everyday which the kids love.” 

“How’d Pete get this place anyways?” 

“When Tom retired because of Pete’s accident, Pete had been driving Tom crazy and I guess they picked up this property for cheap. Pete got tossed around a lot as a kid after his Dad was killed in the service, so this is a safe place for military kids to go during the summer months if their parents don’t have childcare or are gone on deployment. We have a couple of kids we see a lot over the summer and it’s not unheard of to have kids stay through the weekend if both parents are in the service.” Javy turns to you as he pushes the back door of the lodge open. “Pete and Tom charge really low rates, if anything at all, so kids placement here is really dependent on need-based.”

“That’s actually so kind of them.” You muse as you pad down the steps after Javy. 

“Tell me about it. They mostly run this place through private donations and government grants.” Javy hums. “So this is our outside area. We’ll have kids hang out here after meals to sing songs or play games before we disperse for next activities. To the left is the pool. That’s Jake, who’s one of our counselors, but he’s also got lifeguard certification so he does that for us too.” 

You raise a hand in greeting as the blonde organizes things out by the pool. You follow the steps down the amphitheater where a few counselors sit around chatting. 

“Guys, this is our new counselor.” Javy calls as you reach the bottom. You wave at the group. “This is Avery, who will be our other counselor for camp this week.” 

“Wait, Pete and Tom actually found someone to fill Katie’s spot?” Avery asks. 

“Yeah, we have a mutual family friend from the service and he knew I had availability and counselor experience from Girl Scouts, so he reached out to me to see if I’d be interested in filling the position.” 

Avery puts her hands together and mutters a “Blessings.” 

“It’s a huge relief honestly.” The guy next to her says. “Camp gets busier every year and counselor positions just don’t fill like they used to.” 

“This is Bradley. He’s Pete’s godson.” Javy introduces. “This is Natasha, who goes by Nat, one of our other counselors, and then Mickey. Mickey is our token Boy Scout. We stole him from over there a few years ago.” Both Mickey and Natasha wave at you. You give them a smile as Javy turns back to Avery.

“Avs, do you have the roster?” Javy asks. The girl nods as Bradley stands. 

“Here, we’ll let you guys be. I’m gonna go check in with Jake and see if he needs anything.” 

Bradley heads back up the stairs, Nat and Mickey following. You sit down on the bench next to Avery, Javy sitting down on the other side of you. You tuck your feet under you as Avery hands you the roster. 

“Being the first week back, we actually have a small group this week. Only 16 kids. We only have one of our frequent flyers this round, Anderson.” Javy points out as your eyes flick over the page. 

“She’s a handful but a good kid.” Avery adds. “But she’s 6 and gets homesick pretty easily. Her Dad got a promotion late last summer so I expect to see her even more now. Lots of big feelings.” 

“Are all the camps co-ed?” 

“Mostly.” Javy answers. “But it just depends on the week and who’s around.” 

Javy sits for a minute as he mulls over if he has anything else to share. 

“Oh yeah, we all get walkies. We can grab yours when we pass by the office out to the cabins. Tom or Pete will trade off who has theirs at night but they’re both reachable at all hours. They’re great with the kids and always happy to help, even if we just need an extra set of hands for crafts.” Javy explains as you flip through the papers on the clipboard. “We can kinda take it easy for your first day as you get oriented to it all and Avery and I are here to answer any questions.”

“Honestly, I’m just kind of excited. It’s been a few years since I’ve been able to be a counselor so it’s good to be back.” 

Javy gives you a smile. “We’re glad to have you.” 

-

“Really, you didn’t have to carry my things all the way here.”

Javy shrugs as he opens the door. “I’m a gentleman.” He sets your duffel bag on the one empty bunk. “Anyways, we’ll share this with the counselors from the cabins up the hill. This week, that’s Callie and Bob and Jake, who have our horse riding camp.” 

“You guys have horses?!” You exclaim.

Javy laughs. “Pete has a friend who owns a ranch neighboring this property. They take the kids over there.” 

“Sign me up for that camp.” You say as you guys exit the cabin.

“You ride?”

“Used to as a kid growing up.” 

Javy hums. “Well, maybe you’ll have to show me sometime. See if you’ve still got those skills.” 

Your cheeks burn at the innuendo as Javy winks at you. “Okay now. None of that in front of the kids.” 

He smirks. “No promises. Can’t fault me when Pete and Tom hired such a pretty counselor.”

You’ll blame the redness on your cheeks from a sunburn, you decide, as you trek back down to the lodge. 

-

The volume in the dining hall is loud as kids find seats among their favorite counselors and friends. Avery pulls you to the side as Javy heads on in. 

“Miss Anderson, do you want to say hi to one of our new friends for this summer?”

The small girl tucks herself into Avery’s side, before giving you a shy wave. 

“Hi miss Anderson, it’s nice to meet you.” You say with a small wave. “Do you want to eat lunch with me and miss Avery today?” 

She glances at Avery before nodding, skipping to the table. Avery gives you a hopeful thumbs up as the two of you move further into the room. 

Anderson climbs into a space next to Javy at a table, her elbow flailing into his shoulder. 

He winces as the girl sits down none the wiser. You and Avery both laugh as you take seats at the table. 

“Hi Javy!” One of the kids yells, running past him. 

Javy leans back. “James! No running! You too Janie!” 

“Sorry!” Come back twin yells. 

Avery snorts into her glass of water. “No they aren’t.” 

-

Crickets sound against an inky sky as Javy gently pushes a door open. The giggling from inside gets cut off as they turn to you and Javy. 

“Alright Cabin 3, we’ve come to say goodnight.” 

A chorus of Aws sound through the room. 

“But Javy, we’re having so much fun!” One of the girls protests. 

“And you can have fun in the morning.” Javy promises them. “But for now, let’s get in our bunks.” 

A couple girls scramble up from the floor, the rest already in their sleeping bags. You and Javy split off, you taking the left side of the room. 

You pull yourself up to the top bunk, spotting Anderson fiddling with something. 

“Goodnight miss Anderson. See you in the morning.” You whisper.

“Wait, I have something for you!”. She whispers and you freeze, pulling yourself back up to eye level with her. She tugs on your left arm, slipping the friendship bracelet she’d made this afternoon on your wrist. 

And then, in a move you don’t see coming, throws her arms around your shoulders for a hug. 

“Goodnight.” She mumbles, before letting go. 

Stunned, you step down as you say goodnight to the other girls in the cabin.

You turn to Javy slowly as he shuts the door to the cabin.

“Did Anderson just give me a hug?” 

He grins at you, the soft glow of the light outside the cabin illuminating the features of his face. “She did. Quickest she’s ever taken to a counselor.” 

The two of you turn and trek up to the campfire area that sits up by some of the cabins. 

Pete and Tom are waiting for the counselors, Avery and Jake already chatting with them as Bradley stokes a log. 

Pete turns, catching sight of you. “Hey, how was the first day?”

Javy grins and picks up your wrist to show them the new bracelet sitting there. “Anderson made her a friendship bracelet and gave her a hug.” 

Avery’s eyebrows shoot up. “Okay, so you’re with Anderson for the rest of the summer.” 

Mickey appears at the fray of the group, the conversation shifting. 

You try not to think about the way your skin had buzzed when Javy had touched you. 

-

The dying fire crackles as Avery putts around behind you and Javy.

The atmosphere is comfortable, calm, as the smoky firewood permeates your senses. 

It’s late, later than you should be awake, as the sky turns black against the bright light of the stars. 

“You know, you’re kind of a natural at this.” 

You shrug, unsure of how to accept the genuine compliment. “Thanks, I guess.” 

“Was your first day at least good?” 

You nod. “Definitely. I’m mostly just glad to have a job but I don’t know, I think some part of me missed getting to do this. And it’s nice to not have to be working for Girl Scouts anymore.” 

“What’s the beef with the Girl Scouts anyways?”

“I don’t know, I just had a weird experience towards the end that I sort of became disillusioned with the mission of it. It’s supposed to be about empowering girls but all I really got was mean girls who excluded me from all the troop activities. This is nice, being here, because it doesn’t feel like that you know? Everyone’s sort of equal and there’s meaning to what I’m doing here.” 

Javy’s shoulder brushes yours as he squeezes in closer to you. “Well, we are all glad to have you here.” 

You look over at him, giving him a small smile, as you realize how close the two of you are. “Play your cards right and maybe I’ll come spend a second summer out here with you.” 

“Alright you two, wrap up the flirting.” Avery calls. You slide back on the bench, looking over to her as she fills a bucket of water to put out the fire. “We have a long day ahead of us.” 

-

“Can you do my hair?” Anderson asks as she skips up the dirt path. 

“Oh, do mine too!” Another little girl, Taylor, shouts.

You blink, sighing. “Yeah, come here girls. We have twenty minutes before we have to get down to breakfast so we can see whose we can do in that time.” 

Anderson sits down on the bench in front of you, holding out her brush. 

You run your fingers through the girl’s fine hair, listening to background noise of the campers rousing in the early morning air. 

“Morning campers.” Javy says as he sets his backpack down on a nearby table. “Are we all ready for the day?” 

“Hi mister Javy.” Anderson waves, wincing as you tug on a tangle. 

“Sorry Anderson.” You murmur. “Morning Javy.” 

He smiles at you and you swallow at the way he looks in the early morning sunlight. The pale light hits his eyes just right, bringing them to life and casts his skin aglow. 

You take a deep breath, refocusing.

“Anderson, do you want braids or a ponytail?” 

-

“Will you paint my nails?” 

You turn to Anderson as she approaches the table you and Javy are playing cards at. 

Your campers are chatting amongst themselves as they do different crafts in the lodge with Pete and Tom. 

You nod, setting your cards down as Anderson straddles the bench. She hands you the polish as Javy sets his cards down, watching intently. 

“Is pink your favorite color Anderson?” You ask as you gently take her fingers. 

“Yeah, my room at home is pink. Um, mister Javy will you get your nails painted too? We can match. Will you do Javy’s nails?” 

“Yeah, I’ll do Anderson’s and then yours.” You say, with a glance to Javy. 

He smiles. “I’d love to match with you Anderson.” 

To her credit, Anderson sits pretty still as you make quick but careful work of the job. 

Her eyes go wide as you put the final touches on, pulling back so she can look at them. 

“They’re so pretty!” 

“Why don’t you go show Pete and Tom while they dry?” She nods as she giggles, standing up from the bench. You pat her spot, jerking your head. “Come on over Mr. Machado.”

His grin grows, turning a little goofy, as he rounds the table. He throws his leg over the bench in a way that definitely doesn’t make your mouth water and sticks out his hands. 

You take his fingers, much longer than Anderson’s, and gently apply to the first coat. 

A comfortable quiet settles in between the two of you as you work, knees pressed up against each other, as he studies your face. 

“You’re not too bad at this.” He juts his head down to your work. 

“Got back into it during college. A painted set of nails always makes me feel better about myself.” 

He hums. “My sister used to always do hers growing up. She’d insist my brother and I come to her boutique and get our nails done so she could practice.” 

“A boutique, huh? Maybe I should open up a camp boutique.” You spy Anderson walking back over. “Hey Anderson, what do you say I open a camp boutique?” 

“What’s a boutique?” She asks as she presses up against your body to watch your work. 

“It’s like a beauty shop. I could paint nails, do hair…” 

“Ooo, yes!” She shouts. “Mister Pete, we’re gonna have a beauty salon!” She yells, darting back over to Pete. 

“I know I’ve said this before, but you’re really good at this.” He says, gesturing his head to the kids a bit ways away. “You’re really good with them.” 

Your cheeks burn with the weight of the praise. “I really appreciate you saying that. It doesn’t always feel that way.” 

“Well you are.” He says firmly, no room for argument in his tone. 

“Well, what about you? How’d you get into doing this?”

He shrugs as you blow on some of the nails. “My Dad served with Pete and my Mom thought it would be a good idea for me to start coming out here while I was in high school. Both my siblings were out of the house and my Mom wanted me to see and interact with more than just New Orleans.” 

“Southern boy, are we?”

“The charm didn’t give it away?”

“Should’ve known that’s what makes you and Jake friends.” 

He laughs in that easy, free way he does and it settles over your soul. You think you could stand to hear that laugh every day, always be content if you’re the one pulling it from him. 

“Anyways, I knew when I graduated high school, I still wanted to spend my summers out here so even though I’ve been at Tulane, I’ve made it a point to come work here every summer. I honestly…” He trails off. 

Your eyes flicker up to him as you let his hands go. “What?”

“I honestly don’t know what a future looks like without this, now that I’ve graduated. This was always my little piece of normal, my place where I could just be myself. And I love the kids, so transitioning out of this is gonna be a hard goodbye.” 

“I mean, do you have to leave this all behind just cause you’re not in school anymore? Bradley and Jake aren’t and Ava only does this part time.”

He shrugs. “Kind of hard to come back and do this next summer if I’m working some full time engineering gig out in Texas or Boston.” 

“But is that what you want for yourself though?” 

He doesn’t get to answer the question as Anderson’s body collides with his, squealing about Javy’s nails. As she drags him out of his seat to show Pete and Tom, your question stays branded at the front of his mind. 

It’ll be months before he’ll admit it to you, but your question was one he himself had contemplated for many sleepless nights, one he’d been turning over since he’d set foot onto camp grounds last summer. It’s one his sister had asked him when she’d visited him at Tulane during spring break and one his mother had asked him when he’d been home for Christmas. It’s one Jake had asked him about as they drank lukewarm beers after his graduation just a few weeks ago. 

It’s one Pete himself has posed many times in the last few years, over late night smores and dinners and early morning hikes, in raised eyebrows and questions about his availability for the next year. 

Tumbling off your lips though, is the first time he feels the real weight of it. 

You’d only know him a few days and yet you already known that the future his father had designed for him was a future that didn’t fit. Wasn’t a future he desired, wasn’t a future his heart was in. 

If you could see it so clearly — then maybe it truly was a future that didn’t belong to him. 

-

“So do I have to pass the swim test in order to go into the pool?” 

Jake snickers as he unlocks the gate. “Nah, if you start drowning, I’m sure Javy would love to be your savior.”

Javy rolls his eyes. “Passing up all the glory Seresin?” 

The blonde shrugs. “I’ll let you save the damsel in distress just this once.” 

-

Avery plops herself down next to you and you look up from the book you’re reading. 

Behind her, you can see the muscled figure of Javy dive into the clear blue water, the crisp sound of Bradley cannon balling in after him echoing. 

Avery pulls her sunglasses down to the bottom of her nose, raising her eyebrows. “Mm, well that answers that question.” 

You avert your gaze, feeling a flush spread across your chest that has nothing to do with the sun you’ve been laying in. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You mumble. 

Her eyebrows raise even higher, if that’s even possible, as she leans in closer. “No? Nothing about counselor Machado comes to mind?” 

You sigh, turning to face Avery. “It’s just-“ 

“Just what?” She says incredulously as she slides her sunglasses back up. “You guys spent every minute without kids this week flirting.” 

You shrug. “He’s my co-worker, I shouldn’t-“ 

“So?” Avery interrupts. “Pete and Tom don’t exactly care.” She says, with a vague gesture to Bradley and Jake at the end of the pool. 

“Yeah, but I like this job and I like everyone here and I’m not trying to have the rest of the summer go south if we throw off the vibe.” 

“You guys wouldn’t be the first counselors to have a summer fling, just saying.”

You sigh again, squinting at the trails that lead to the cabins away from the lodge next to you. 

“Yeah but that’s the thing. I don’t know- I don’t know that I could let it be just a summer thing. I get attached too easily and at the end of the summer, he’s back to New Orleans and me San Diego and it’s just…” You trail off. 

“Complicated, I get it.” 

“It wouldn’t stay the fun, flirty thing we’ve got going on right now.” 

She tilts her head, giving you a conceding nod. “Yeah, I guess that’s fair. I just-“ She shakes her head. “I don’t know, I just think-“ She cuts herself off again. “I’ve known Javy for a long time. Almost seven years now and he’s always been this charming guy that he is but much like Anderson, we’ve never seen him take to a counselor like he’s taken to you.” She shrugs her shoulders, reaching up to adjust the straps of her top. “I don’t know, might be something worth seeing through.” 

-

A droplet of water lands on your shoulder and then a few more on your forehead. 

You crack an eye open to see Javy crouching over you. You throw an arm up to shade your eyes, even with the sunglasses, as you squint up at him. 

“Can I help you?”

“So sleeping beauty does rise!” 

You make a face as more water from his shoulders drip down on to you. “You’re getting me all wet.” 

He snorts. “That’s what she said.” 

“Funny.” You comment dryly as he sits himself next to you. 

His legs are considerably cooler from the pool water, a temperature difference that makes your skin erupt in goosebumps from where his legs are pressed up against your hip and stomach. 

“What were you and Avery gossiping about over here?” You roll slightly to face him a little better, giving him a look. He holds a hand up to his a chest, feigning shock. “Moi?”

“So sure of yourself.” You mutter. “How do you know I was’t gossiping about Mickey?” 

It’s his turn to give you a look. “You guys were really over here ogling Garcia? Cause if so, I’ll back off.” He says, throwing his hands up in mock surrender. 

“Shut up.” You mumble, rolling back to your original position. You let your eyes close, a quiet falling between the two of you. 

The sounds of the mountains settle in around you as you feel your body settle back into the dozing sleep you had going before Javy had come over. 

You feel your body lean into Javy’s touch ever so slightly, letting your body press into his, as the sound of the counselors heading back into the lodge taper off. 

“Hey.” He says softly, poking your side. “Some of us are gonna go out for ice cream at this local place in town after dinner. Wanna come?” 

You hum. “Depends. You driving?” 

“I guess it depends on if you’ll be on aux.”

You crack an eye open, giving him a small smile. “I think I can manage that responsibility.” 

“Cool.” He says, giving you a lopsided grin in return and you snort, shaking your head as you let your eyes close again. 

A comfortable quiet settles in once more between the two of you. After a while, you feel Javy’s hand cautiously touch your knee, starting to draw out the shadow of the nearby tree leaves as the sun sets behind you. 

You can’t help the smile that creeps on to your face as he works, his touch light against your skin. 

The two of you sit there for a while more as you feel the sky darken above you, Javy continuing his artistry on your upper thigh, a breeze beginning to roll through the campgrounds. 

You shiver, pressing closer to him. He sighs and you hear him stand. “Come on, let’s go in. Pete grilled for us and you’re definitely going to want to try the pasta salad they make.” 

You sigh, opening your eyes. “I’m comfy here.” 

He rolls his eyes, holding out his hands. You groan, before reaching out to take them. Your knees crack as he pulls you, the momentum bringing you close to his chest. 

You swallow at the lack of distance, the feeling of your bathing suit clad body pressed into his shirtless chest. 

His hands don’t leave yours, almost tightening, as his eyes flicker down. 

“If the two of you don’t change and come inside, I’m gonna make you clean the pool.” Jake shouts from across the water. 

You pull back, stepping outside of Javy’s bubble. He lets you go as he frowns. 

“Fucking cockblock.” He grunts as you lean down to grab your towel. 

“And who says I would’ve kissed you?” 

You giggle about the way Javy’s jaw drops all the way into the lodge. 

-

You hold the door open for Avery as the two of you exit the cabin. 

The shower you had taken after dinner had washed you of the sunscreen and chlorine from the afternoon, the soft material of your sweatshirt comforting on your skin, but the tingling where Javy had touched you remained strong. 

“So what I’m hearing is you and Javy had a moment?” She asks lowly, aware of the counselors milling about. 

You shrug. “Who knows what would’ve happened. Jake interrupted it so-“

“Not unlike Jake to do that. He’s a little shit.” 

You laugh, the sound pulling a twin laugh from the girl next to you, as you shift into other conversation back to the lodge. 

The time passes quickly, as it always seems to in the mountains, and you reach the lodge where Nat and Javy await you in no time at all. 

“Is this all of us?” Avery asks as you reach the parking lot. 

Nat shrugs. “Everyone else said they were too tired from the pool to make the drive.” 

“Boo.” You say, giving a thumbs down. 

“Fake fans, for real.” Avery agrees. 

The three of you turn to Javy as he stands there in silence, eyes never leaving you. 

He blinks, realizing the attention is on him. “What?” 

“Whipped.” Avery mutters. 

-

The drive back to camp is silent, Natasha and Avery asleep in the back of Javy’s truck. 

“A half hour drive and they still couldn’t make it.” You say as you glance back at them. 

Javy’s quiet for a few minutes more before his eyes look up to the rearview mirror. 

“Think they’re really asleep?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“I wanna talk to you about something but I don’t wanna get shit from them about it later.” 

You frown, looking over to him. “Everything okay?” 

He sighs, flexing his hands on the steering wheel. “I just- I wanna say I’ve been responding to just- the chemistry and the vibe I get and we don’t have to define it or- or talk about anything, but I just wanna say that if I overstepped earlier with the touching and the-“ He cuts himself off, but you know what he’s referring to. 

The almost kiss. 

“Anyways, I just- wanna say I’m sorry. I’ll back off if that’s not- not the vibe. I’d hate to make you uncomfortable in any way.” His voice sounds a little pained, as if the thought of making you uncomfortable does genuinely hurt him. 

Words suddenly seem out of reach as you try to find a way to assure him without also upsetting the delicate balance of your new found friendship (flirtationship, as Avery would call it) with him. 

“Javy, I-“ You cut yourself off. 

It’s weird to compare this now nervous Javy to the Javy of even 45 minutes ago, who’d kept his body close to yours as the four of you had sat at a patio table outside the ice cream parlor.

“You haven’t made me uncomfortable. Anything- anything you’ve said has been reciprocated and anything you’ve done hasn’t been unwelcome. I promise.” 

His shoulders visibly relax, relief flooding his voice. “Good. Okay. Good.” 

Silence settles back into the car, the only sounds the breathing of your friends in the back. 

Your phone lights up with a text and you look down, surprised you still have service this close to the campgrounds. 

just put me and that poor boy out of our misery already and kiss him

Your eyes flicker up to the rearview mirror, finding Avery wide awake. 

-

It’s only two in the afternoon of your second Monday when screams let out from the cabin next to you. 

Your stomach drops from where you’re helping one of the girls tie her shoes and you shoot up, darting out of the cabin and into the next one. 

The girls are crowded around the door, with one of the older girls firmly holding it shut as Anderson starts to cry. 

Your panic rises as Anderson launches herself at you. “Okay, okay, girls what’s going?” 

Various cries about a big spider ring out and you feel your heart settle a little bit. 

A spider you could handle. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll get it out.” You say soothingly. “Anderson, can you let me go so I can get it out for you?” 

Tearfully she lets go and you wade through the seven other girls to get to the door. 

“Careful!” Charlotte yells, eyes wide. 

You put a hand out, placating her, as you open the cabin door. 

You peek your head around the door only to fly back and immediately shut it. 

Scurrying towards escape at you was the world’s largest tarantula. 

You keep your back pressed to the door, allowing yourself three deep breaths as the girls stare at you. 

You grab your radio from your waist, taking one more deep breath. 

“Can someone come take care of a spider at Cabin 1?”

“Scared of a little spider? Can’t kill it yourself?” Jake taunts. 

“Sorry, I tap out on tarantulas. That’s not in my contract.” You bite back. 

The next time the radio crackles to life it’s Javy. “Be there in three.”

True to his word, Javy appears a few minutes later and you’re quick to usher the girls into Cabin 2, as they make Javy promise to be careful. 

There’s nervous chatter from the girls for a few minutes as you resume tying Claudia’s shoe, trying to soothe the anxious girls around you. 

Finally, there’s a knock on the door, Javy poking his head in. 

“Alright girls, this is the all clear. Your cabin is free of all tarantulas, I promise.” You breathe a sigh of relief as you walk over to him. He gives you a cheeky grin. “You can thank me later.” 

“Oh my hero!” You say dramatically, pretending to fall back with a faint, the back of your hand on your forehead. “Oh how ever will I repay you!”

He smirks, shaking his head. “Yeah, yeah, damsel in distress. I’m still the one who got rid of the spider.”

-

“Please tell me you’re seeing this.” Avery mutters to him and Jake glances over to where she’s looking. 

You’re across the lodge with Javy, getting ready to go out on a hike with your camp. 

Which is all fine and good, except for the fact that Javy isn’t working with you this week; Javy’s working with him and the CITs. 

That, and Javy’s hands are on your shoulders, rubbing sunscreen where the straps of your tank top make it difficult to reach. 

“Are you shitting me?”

The CIT next to him snickers. “You said a bad word.” 

Jake rolls his eyes. “You’re sixteen, not six Adrian. And go back outside, you’re not even supposed to be in here!”

The boy does as he’s told and he turns to Avery. She raises her eyebrows, giving him a pointed look. “Seriously, it’s been three weeks of this. What are we going to do with them?” 

His eyebrows furrow as he watches Javy watch you longingly, your back turned as direct your kids to fill up their water bottles. 

He mutters darkly, “Push them into the lake.” 

-

“Mister Javy, she got a boo boo.” 

Javy’s eyes fly down to the six year old tugging at his arm. He glances over to where Anderson is pointing, catching sight of where you’re sitting a few tables away, knee bleeding. 

He’s out of his seat before he even realizes it. 

“No, that’s fine, just leave Javy, not like we were talking about anything!” Jake calls after him but he ignores his best friend, weaving through the young kids to get to your bench. 

Avery clocks him as he approaches and stands, trading places with him. He sits down gently next to you, as your eyes flicker up at him from where you’re pressing the wet paper towel to your knee. 

His stomach flips a little at the way it immediately turns crimson. 

“I’m gonna get a game started with them to keep them busy for a little bit before dinner so just come join us whenever you’re all patched up.”

You give Avery a thumbs up and the girl corrals the kids further down into the lodge, pulling Jake and the CITs with her. 

He lets you work quietly for a minute, taking in your injury. 

There’s dried blood down your leg, caked into where your sock peeks out. Dirt is mixed in and you’re carefully nudging a few pieces of gravel out. 

“Are you okay?” He finally brings himself to ask as you wince. “What happened?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was talking to Avery and a couple of the girls as we came down the trail and wasn’t paying any attention. Totally ate it in front of the whole group, so that’s mortifying.” 

It’s as you go to put the paper towel down that he realizes you must have put your hands out to catch yourself, the palms of your hands all grazed and red. 

He sighs, taking the Neosporin out of your hands. “Let me do it, your hands have got to be hurting.” 

You sigh but let him anyways as Mickey and Bradley wander in to the lodge, their kids beelining it for the game Avery and Jake are playing. 

“Gnarly dude.” Mickey comments through a laugh. 

Bradley squints, unscrewing the cap to his waterbottle. “You’re not going to sue, right?” 

You huff. “Why would I sue? Sue for what, my own incompetence?” 

Javy feels irritation flare as the boys goof off like you’re not hurt and forces himself to take a breath through his nose. 

“Okay, can one of you please be useful and go get ice and another wet paper towel please?” He snaps. 

Mickey throws his hands up, walking towards the kitchen as Bradley stands over him, inspecting his work. 

“Having fun playing nurse Machado?” 

He briefly squeezes your ankle where his hand is holding it steady, his simmering irritation spiking again. “Can you piss off Bradshaw?” 

Bradley clicks his tongue, pulling a face, but does so, headed over to where all the kids are located.

You watch him gently place the Band-aid over your knee, smoothing it out with his thumb before you talk.  

“It’s a skinned knee, not a stab wound.”

Mickey returns with the paper towel and ice, undoubtedly taking the hint and wandering to the other end of the lodge. 

He wordlessly holds out the ice for your hands, choosing to ignore your words. 

You take it, but remain looking at him expectantly. 

He began to wipe the dried dirt and blood off your leg, determinedly not looking at the color the paper towels becomes. 

“Good as new.” He mutters, letting you go and sitting back. 

“See, I’m all fine.” You say in a cheery tone, giving him a bright smile. “No need for you to have worried.” 

He glances up at you. “I know, I just-“ He shrugs. “Don’t like seeing you hurt.” 

You sigh, scooching a little closer to him. “Yeah, but I have you here.” You say softly before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “And you fixed my boo boo and made it feel better.” 

He sighs as you stand putting your hand out for him to take. He glances at it, before looking down to your knee, and back up to your face. 

He takes your hand, pulling him to his feet, and you laugh as the two of you go to join the game of Down by the Banks.

-

“Funny now that I’m getting to play nurse.” You comment as he holds his hand out to you. “Hold still.” 

He complies, wincing as the tweezers have to dig up into his skin to get the stinger out. 

He’d only been helping get a bee off of one of their campers when the bee had turned on him, stinging him on the palm of his hand. 

“Well, Mr. Bee got you good. Why don’t you wash it and I can get you all fixed with a bandaid?” 

-

“Can you stop?” 

Avery’s harsh voice cuts through the air and he whirls around to spot her giving him an irritated look at the end of the table where she’s making a lanyard. 

Something must show on his face because  Avery’s irritation only grows. 

“Seriously, it’s driving me crazy. You are driving me crazy.” 

“What’d I do?!”

She fixes with him a look. “You’ve been staring at her all afternoon.” 

He sighs, turning back to the lake.

You’re in the water, sitting in a pool tube as you talk to Pete, who’s sat on the dock with his legs in the water. Your hair is wet from when you and Mickey had been cannon balling as laughter and happiness paints itself over your sun-kissed face. 

“Dude.” Avery groans and he turns back around to face her. “Just kiss her already, you’re fucking killing me.” 

He sighs, tearing his attention away from you and back to the girl sitting across from him. 

“I can’t—no, stop, trust me, I want to, but I can’t. I don’t- I don’t think she feels the same way.” 

Avery’s jaw drops, looking baffled. “I’m sorry, are we experiencing the same reality? Doesn’t feel the same way? When you took your shirt off today, the girl practically started drooling.” Avery shakes her head, turning back to her lanyard. “Doesn’t feel the same way my ass.” She mutters. 

He sighs, ignoring whatever pleased feeling it is that settles in his chest at the knowledge that you had been watching him earlier. Looking, even. He will never not relish in the fact that you find him attractive. “Avery-“ 

“No, as her camp best friend, I feel entitled to tell you-“ 

“That’s the problem, Avery.” He says, cutting off her impassioned rant. “Camp. This is only happening because we’re at camp. I wanna kiss her, that’s what I’ve wanted since day one, but-“ He sighs. “But I want more with her. And I think she just wants this to stay at camp.” 

Avery pulls at the strings of her lanyard, clearly letting some of her frustration bleed into the craft. 

“I think you both want the same thing, you’re just not using your words to achieve it.” Avery pauses for a moment. “She’s not using her words.” 

Avery is silent for a few minutes, clearly putting her thoughts together, and he lets her work through it as he listens to the laughter from the lake behind him. 

“I know you have said to her in the past that it’s okay if you don’t define it or talk about before the summer is over. But it’s clear that it has morphed into something more for both of you. And look, I’ve known you for a long time, I know this is something for you; we all do. But she doesn’t know you like that. And what she’s said to me, I- I think she’s afraid of getting hurt. So, my two cents you didn’t ask for is that you show her you’re all in.”

He looks back to the lake to find you already looking.

-

“You know what we should do?” Javy says one Saturday morning. 

June has come and gone through the Julian mountains, the sticky July heat settling in amongst the trees. 

Pete hums as he flips through plans for the upcoming week, biting into a piece of bacon. “What’s up?” 

“Movie night and sleepover in the lodge.” 

Pete tilts his head as he considers the thought. “I’d be open to it. We only have six kids staying over this weekend and only a few counselors off, so there’d be enough space for everyone. But you’d have to get everything set up and get everything cleaned up before lunch tomorrow.” 

“Done deal. I already have help.”

You frown as you take a bite of potatoes at Javy’s gesture to you. “Whoa now, hold on. How did I get roped into this?”

Javy gives you a goofy smile as Pete turns to you, an incredulous look on his face. 

“Don’t make me seriously answer that.” 

-

The lodge is bustling with noise. 

The scrapping of benches and tables being moved, Avery running back and forth from the kitchen with batches of popcorn, and Pete fiddling with the projector as everyone gets settled fills your ears. You make your way through the bodies, barely able to see over the blankets you’re holding in your arms. 

“Where are you going?”

You glance over to see Javy. “Tom gave me this blankets to bring to the Nichols brothers over there.” You say with a nod of your head. 

“Okay, but then you’re coming back, right? Saved you a spot and everything.” 

You huff at Javy’s cheeky grin. “Sure, then I’ll come back.” 

-

“You make sure they remember, forever, the night they played the Titans.”

Remember the Titans flickers on the wall of the lodge as Javy leans in closer to you, voice dropped to a whisper. 

“Did you know I used to play football in high school?” 

You give a low hum. “Doesn’t surprise me.” 

“Oh yeah, why’s that?” 

You let your eyes move over to his. “You got the body for it.” 

A smug smirk grows on his face as he shuffles closer. “You been looking at my body?” 

You’re thankful it’s dark as you feel your cheeks warm. “I love this movie, have I ever told you that?” 

“It’s one of my favorites. That’s why I picked it.” 

“Mine too. Except for the part where Gerry gets into an accident. I usually turn it off right at this part.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I don’t like sad endings.” 

-

The first thing to reach your senses is the chirping of the birds echoing in the lodge, a small sliver of sunlight reaching across your face. 

The second is the weight thrown across your waist, the soft fabric your head is tucked in against. 

The third is the gentle movement of fingers running through your hair. 

“Morning sleeping beauty.” Javy’s low voice rasps. 

You hum, shuffling closer to him as you try to cling to the dregs of sleep. Javy lets you, continuing his movements. 

“We gonna talk about it?” 

You shake your head in his chest. “I’d cuddle with Avery. You’re not special.” 

Javy’s hand flexes against your back as he starts to gently scratch against your back. 

“Not special, huh? Ouch.” 

“If it hurts your feelings that bad, you can stop at any time.” You murmur as you feel yourself began to doze. 

“Nah.” He whispers. “I like being right here.” 

-

Bradley eyes you across the table, eyes gleaming conspiratorially. 

“Out with it Bradshaw.” You say as you count out the number of plates you’ll need for dinner tonight. 

“So… you and Machado huh? Even Jake and I don’t get that cozy.” 

You roll your eyes. “It’s not anything.” 

“It’s something.”

“It’s not anything.” You say sharply. “It’s not anything because I don’t want it to be, okay?” 

Bradley sighs. “Really? You’re still sticking to your excuse you gave Avery like, what, a month and a half ago?” 

“It’s not an excuse. At the end of the summer, he goes back to New Orleans and I go back to San Diego. Fact. He is gonna be moving to work a real career job and I am going to be getting ready to go to grad school. Fact. We have no room in our lives for a relationship and I can’t afford to get more attached than I already am. Fact.” 

You push yourself up from the bench, moving into the kitchen to grab the silverware and put away the extra plates. Bradley follows, frowning. 

“But- I just think- Look, Machado loves a good slow burn, okay? But you’re killing the rest of us, watching you two dance around each other like this.”

“So then don’t watch.” 

He groans, barely catching the swinging door before it hits him. “Kid, come on. You’re gonna go the whole summer not even knowing what it’s like to kiss him?” 

“Bradley.” You say as you turn abruptly, the brunette nearly colliding with you in his haste to stop. “It’s none of your business.” 

“What are you guys doing?” Avery asks, eyeing the scene as she sets her waterbottle down. 

“Avs, tell her she’s being ridiculous.” 

“Ridiculous about…?”

“Machado.”

Avery sighs, her eyebrows pinching together. “I told you, I think you’re avoiding talking about it with him cause you’re scared.” 

“Scared of what?” You snort, setting the plates and silverware on tables. 

“I think you like him a lot more than you originally anticipated and it’s not just fun summer flirting. You want it to be something and you’re scared it can’t be.” 

“Because it can’t.” 

“Literally, says who!” Bradley huffs. “Says who?” 

You sigh, facing the two. “Says logic. Say reality. Says…” You scrunch your face, losing your train of thought. “Says I don’t know. I just know it can’t.” 

You turn to side step Bradley to return the silverware to the kitchen but he’s too fast, grabbing your shoulders. “You’re being ridiculous.” 

“So you’ve said.” 

“Give him one shot. Just the one.” 

“And when we can’t make it work in the real world, what then Bradshaw? When our real lives get in the way of what we had here, what then?” 

Bradley’s arms fall to his side, mouth open to respond, but clearly not able to find the words. 

“Just drop it, Bradshaw. It’s better for everyone involved.” 

-

You wake up to your shoulder being shaken and you groan, blinking your eyes open. 

“Stella?” You ask blearily, your sleep muddled brain thinking it’s your camper who’s too scared to go to the bathroom by herself and unwilling to wake anybody else to take a buddy. 

“Just me.” Floats Javy’s soft voice and you prop yourself up, scrubbing your eyes. 

“What’s up?” You whisper, letting your eyes adjust to the darkness. 

“Come on. Let’s go for a hike. Wanna show you something.” 

“At this hour?” You mumble, but swing your legs over the side of the bunk, ducking down to grab your socks and tennis shoes. 

You put them on, mindful of the sleeping figures of Nat and Callie from across from you. 

Finally, you stand and Javy is quick to stride over to the door, quietly letting you out. 

There’s a comfortable quiet for a few minutes between the two of you as the two of you set off.

Night in the mountains have an almost eerie calm to them, the only sounds coming from the nature wrapped around its evergreen trees. 

Javy’s hand brushes yours, your skin tingling each time it does. You flex your hands, itching to reach out and taking his hand. 

“So… what are we doing exactly?” 

He turns to you, a soft smile on his face. 

For a moment, you’re stunned at how beautiful he looks. It almost takes your breath away. 

The moonlight casts a clear silver light over his dark features, illuminating and highlighting them in the best ways. 

“You’re always complaining you never get to really see the stars cause you have Anderson and the younger kids who get to bed early.” 

“Yeah…” You confirm, confused as to where he’s going with this. 

“So, I thought it might be fun to, I don’t know, take a little night hike to see ‘em.” 

Your heart stutters in your chest as your mind falls blank, unsure of what to say back to such a thoughtful gesture. 

The rest of the hike passes with ease, soft conversation flowing between you. 

You finally reach the overlook and the sight stuns you. 

The Girl Scouts property had an overlook, but nothing compared to this. 

What was really a hidden gem should be the crown jewel of Pete’s Place.

You could see every inch of the Julian mountains, the stars dazzling overhead. 

When asked later about this night, it’ll be hard to put into words the clear awe you felt. 

Unbeknownst to you, Javy was behind you, also marveling. 

Not marveling at the stars and the night sky, but at you, at the childlike wonder you held. 

He hoped one day you’d look at him that way. 

-

“There was this one time when I was working at Girl Scouts that there was a supermoon. It lit up the night sky so bright we didn’t need our flashlights.”

Javy hums. “Back home, during the summer, the fireflies are my favorite part. They have a whole star system of their own and it’s just… I don’t know, there’s something about it.”

“Do you guys get fireflies in New Orleans?” 

He shakes his head. “New Orleans, no. But if you go farther out of the city, sometimes you can see whole fields of them.”

“I always feel like I don’t appreciate mother nature enough. I always think with living so close to the beach I do, but then I get up here, and I realize how people spend their whole lives in secluded forests and never want to leave.” 

It’s quiet for a minute as you look up to the sky, eyes darting around for one of the Dippers. 

Your eyes flicker over to Javy as you realize his eyes are not on the stars, but on you, your face growing warm. 

“What?”

He shakes his head, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Nothing, you just…” 

You think hear him mutter “Fuck it.” before his lips crash into yours. 

The kiss is soft, sweet, as his hands come up to cradle your cheeks.

You melt into the movement, hand reaching up to cup the back of his neck.

You don’t think about how this changes things or how you had just told Bradley this afternoon that you didn’t want to get attached; you’re not sure how you could when the feeling of his chapped lips up against yours feel so good.

-

Kissing Javy had been easy; talking about it with him had been another. 

Afterwards, Javy had pulled back, taking a moment to admire you. He’d then placed another chaste kiss on your lips before standing from the bench, holding out his hand for you, saying that campers would be there before you knew it in the morning and that it was best to get some sleep while you still could. 

You’d taken it, intertwining your fingers with his as you’d followed him back to the cabin, an easy silence sitting between the two of you as you’d leaned into him down the trail. 

The next morning is the usual hustle and bustle of a Monday morning and the two of you don’t get a minute alone until after breakfast as Pete is gathering everyone to go over the week’s schedule. 

Javy grabs your arm as you round the outside of the lodge, unlocking the shed. 

His hands slides down your arm, tugging at your fingers. 

The look in his eye is almost shy, nerves filled in those orbs of his eyes. 

“Is- was last night okay?” He asks softly, keeping his eyes downcast at where he’s playing with your fingers. 

“Yeah, it was.” You assure with an equally soft voice. 

“Can we- I don’t-“ He falters, clearly frustrated as he struggles to find the words. “We don’t have to talk about it or us but I- I don’t know. I want to keep whatever we have.” 

Your mind goes blank at the words, suddenly hit with just how unable you are to verbalize your anxieties and fears, and certainly not well enough in a manner for him to quell them in the few stolen moments you have right now. 

“Can we- can we just, keep doing this? Keep doing us and revisit at the end of the summer? I don’t-“ You cut yourself off, also frustrated that you don’t have the words. You take his fingers, intertwining them. “I want to keep doing this, see where it takes us, and talk about it for real at the end of the summer.” 

He nods as your radios come to life, Pete’s final call for everyone to come to lodge passing through. 

Javy follows you back into the lodge, his body pressed close to yours as you walk. He’s quick to take a seat next to you, shoving Jake over as you squeeze in between Avery and Jake. 

Jake rolls his eyes but doesn’t comment on the action, scooting in closer to Nat as Pete starts going over the packet of paper in front of you. 

“Okay, Javy and Jake, I’m putting you at kayaking camp this week. Nat and Callie, you’re at jewelry making.” Pete reads off. “You two,” He says, pointing at you and Avery. “are doing superhero camp.” 

You groan, slumping down. “Thirteen boys? Why can’t Javy do superhero camp?” 

“Well for starters, you guys have Anderson in addition to those 13 boys. And secondly, Javy has kayaking experience from past summers, which you do not.” 

“Are you doubting Avery’s skills?” Javy says with a smirk, knocking his knee with yours under the table. 

“No, I’m doubting mine.” 

Avery frowns, looking over the roster as well. “Okay, I also gotta say, I have some concerns about this. Some of these campers on here are some of our most rowdy repeat kids and all in one place with only two counselors makes me nervous.” 

Pete sighs. “I hear you. Let’s try it and see how it goes. We’re short this week with Ava, Brad, Bob, and Reuben all being out so we’ll just have to make do. Tom and I are happy to step in wherever needed, you know that.” 

Avery raises her eyebrows, eyes scanning down her roster again. “Gonna hold you to that.” 

Jake snickers as he looks over the roster. “You guys have a Maverick.” 

You glance at Javy.  “Why is that funny?” You whisper. 

“When Pete was in the Navy, his callsign was Maverick.” He quietly explains as your  friends start talking about Maverick’s previous summer here. 

“Last summer, he put his shoes on the wrong feet, and I offered to fix them but he told me it was more comfortable that way.” Nat says with a grin. 

“Yeah well, I certainly didn’t forget when he stuck a rock up his nose.” Mickey says through a laugh. 

Pete sighs, picking the bridge of his nose. “That was such a bad week.”

-

You sigh, looking up to Avery. 

It was just after lunch on Tuesday and the week had already been downhill chaos. 

There’d been crying, screaming, one of the boys trying to run off into the pool area, and more He touched me! then you could count. 

You’d softly complained to Javy last night as you’d brushed your teeth and he’d been sympathetic, rubbing the tension out of your neck as you stood in front of the sinks. 

Yet even the minute relaxation from his touch hadn’t prepared you for how bad today would be, wiping out all his work within a half hour of getting your campers out of bed and to the lodge for breakfast. 

One of the kids had pelted another kid with things of butter this morning during breakfast, a table of boys getting up and running around the lodge as they tried to use the pancakes as frisbees. 

What took the crap icing on the shit cake was how one of the boys, Andy, kept throwing cutie oranges at the wall near you and Avery’s head. 

Safe to say, you were losing your mind. 

She gives you an understanding look as she bends down to talk to one of the kids at the table next to yours as the kids are meant to be coloring. 

Anderson claps her hands over her ears, scrunching her face as Andy starts yelling, standing on the bench to walk over the kids art.

“Andy, friend, let’s get down from there. This isn’t nice superhero behavior.” 

“No!” The kid shouts. “You’re a bitch!” 

The comment stuns you as you stare at the kid, blinking. 

Avery, to her credit, immediately stands. “Hey! We do not use language like that, especially towards our counselors. Get down from there right now.” She snaps. 

“No!” The boy shouts, stomping his foot. 

Avery is quick to redirect the other kids sitting at the table, moving them to neighboring ones as Nat moves over from where her camp is further down in the lodge. 

She touches your shoulder as you startle, realizing you were still standing there in shock. “Go get Pete and Tom.” She says softly with a nod of her head to the office. “I’ll stay here with Avery.” 

You nod, crossing your arms as your brain whirs. You walk towards the office, tentatively knocking before opening the door. 

Pete is sat behind the desk, Tom leaned against it as they chat. 

“Hey, is everything okay?” Tom asks, frowning as they take you in. 

You take a shaky breath. “Um,” You falter, suddenly feeling your eyes sting. “No, not really.”

“Hey, what’s going on?” Pete asks softly, standing up from the desk. “Come in, shut the door.” 

You do, stepping in to the room. “Okay, honestly, Avery and I are really overwhelmed with the kids and I’m not too proud to admit I’m really out of my depth here, and um, especially cause Andy just called me a-“ You falter, feeling your face grow warm with embarrassment. “A bitch.” 

Tom’s jaw drop as Pete’s eyes widen. “I’m sorry, he called you what?” 

“Like I’m just- embarrassed, I guess. And I don’t- don’t totally know why I’m crying.” You say with a shaky heave, tears falling down your cheeks as you sit down in one of the chairs. “But I’m- yeah.” 

In that moment, all you can really focus on is how badly you want a hug. 

“Firstly, you have no reason to be embarrassed. None.” Tom assures. “This is a natural reaction to the frustration and overwhelmedness you’re experiencing and that’s completely okay.”

You nod as you lift your t-shirt up to wipe some of your tears away. 

“Okay, why don’t you take the afternoon? Tom and I will go out there and chat with Avery and let her know what’s happening and we’ll have a talk with your kids, okay? Take a walk, go for a nap, drive in to town to get some ice cream. We’ll regroup after dinner.” 

You nod. “Okay. I just- I would hate to be an inconveince or anything, like I’m fine-“

Pete shakes his head. “No. You’re not inconveniencing anything. I was already worried about you and Avery after seeing how they were at breakfast this morning and Andy is-“ Pete sighs, cutting himself off. “Andy is a kid we’ve had a lot of issues with in the past, so I’m not surprised.” 

“I was only asking him to get off the top of the table and to stop stepping on the other kids art, I just-“ You shake your head, feeling the tears coming back up. 

“He never should’ve called you that, regardless of what you asked him to do.” Tom says, reaching out to squeeze your shoulder. “And for the record, you did the right thing. In no world should he have been standing on the table.” 

You nod, not entirely convinced by their words. 

-

“Oh hey.” Jake drawls, squinting at you as he pulls his sunglasses down. “What are you doing here?” 

You give a tight smile as you trek up to the tables that sit by the cabins your camp and kayaking have been sharing for the week. 

Javy turns as you arrive at his shoulder, surprise lighting up his face. You give him a quick one armed hug around his shoulders before turning back to Jake. 

“Could ask you the same thing.” 

“We finished early, kids wanted to come back and have downtime before dinner. Girls are in their cabins making friendship bracelets and the boys are all off in the showers.” 

“You guys got the dream camp.” You say with a sigh as you keep your body pressed into Javy’s side, even as he stays seated.

They really had, with a small group of kids, only eight of them, from thirteen to sixteen and the most well behaved teenagers you’d seen in a long time. 

“Superhero camp that bad?” Jake asks with a teasing grin. 

“Pete had to uh, excuse me for the afternoon cause it got so bad.” Your face heats and you shake your head, letting your head fall into your hands. “I can’t talk about it or I’ll cry again.”

Javy snakes an arm around your waist and squeezes. One of their boys shouts out, trekking down the hill from their cabin with the other two in tow. 

Javy drops his arm as you quietly excuse yourself, headed down to the counselor cabin. 

Once inside, you’re quick to kick off your shoes and socks, climbing on top of your sleeping bag on your bunk. 

You lay down, feeling your tears resurface and you let them fall, feeling the true shame and embarrassment at what happened. 

The door of the cabin creaks open and Javy pokes his head in, face falling at the sight of you. He walks over to your bunk, kicking his own boots off before ducking into your bunk. He lays down next to you, quick to pull your back to his chest. 

You take a minute, breathing through the ache and the new tears surfacing at how good it feels just to be held. 

“Hey.” You say, voice watery. 

His fingers start gently combing through your hair. “Honey.” He croons. “What’s wrong?”

You sniff, looking at your fingernails as if they were of some sort of great interest to you. “Andy called me a bitch.” 

He lets out a sigh as you push yourself up to be seat, shifting so your body is facing his. “I don’t even know why I’m crying cause he’s like, eight. He probably doesn’t even know what it means. Like where the fuck did he even learn that word? But like- I’m embarrassed that he did that in front of an entire lodge of kids and I’m embarrassed that I totally froze and I’m embarrassed that I’m even embarrassed, honestly. Like at my grown age, I should be able to take it.”

Your voice is wet with tears, a little hysterical edge to it, as you wipe at your tears fruitlessly. 

“I feel so out of my depth with this job. Like you and Pete and everyone keeps saying I’m doing great, but I don’t feel like I’m doing great. I feel like I’m the worst counselor here and- and I feel like I will never get my footing. I feel so stupid, constantly, and I just-“ 

“Honey, you’re great at what you do. Anderson and the other kids have taken to you so quickly and you and Avery are the most dynamic duo in counselors-“

“You just have to say that cause I’m upset.” 

He shakes his head. “No. No, I’m not just saying it cause you’re upset.” He then also shifts, propping himself up on one arm to get better leverage to make eye contact with you. “First of all, Pete would have never hired you if he didn’t think you were more than qualified and capable of handling this job, so that speaks to how highly your family friend talked of you. And you are more than qualified and capable for this job, okay?” 

You shrug, looking back down to your fingernails. Javy pauses, but must decide this isn’t the most important of his points. 

“Secondly, you have no reason to feel embarrassed. It’s a hard week, with not all of the support you’d usually get, and some of the worst behaved kids we’ve seen in a while. Moreover, you are the only counselor besides me and Jake who hasn’t had at least a night off this summer and we are more then halfway through. At this point, I’m also a little weary and not on my A-game. You’re crying cause it’s a tough moment, and it’s been a long summer, and that shit hurts when it’s being thrown at you, even if the kid is eight and doesn’t really know what it means. And that’s okay.” 

When you don’t respond, he reaches out and shakes your knee. 

“Okay?” 

You shrug, wiping your tears away again. “I- I’m not saying I wholeheartedly believe you, but I- I hear you.” 

He squeezes your knee. “That’s all I want.” 

You two sit in silence for a few more minutes when both of your radios crackle to life. 

“Can counselors of kayaking, jewelry making, and superhero meet me and Tom in the office before dinner?” 

Various confirmations are heard over the line as Javy confirms for the both of you. 

You sigh as he puts the radio down. “I’m sorry I stole you away from your camp. You can go back there if you need to.” 

Javy waves a hand, dismissing the statement. “They’re fine - the boys wanted Jake to teach them how to play poker.” 

You make a face, pulling a laugh from Javy. “Oh that’s not gonna end well.” 

-

“What’s up?” Jake says, sitting down in a chair as Avery shuts the door behind her. 

Pete sighs, scrubbing his wrist over his forehead. “Okay, I know this is unusual, but after this afternoon, I’ve decided I’m moving some of you around.”

“What happened?” Jake asks curiously, probably the only counselor not filled in. 

“Andy called her a bitch.” Javy says softly and Jake lets out a low whistle. 

“I don’t tolerate that behavior from campers and I don’t ever want any of you think I’m going to leave you in a camp situation where it is actively hostile with one of the kids.” Pete says firmly, looking around the room. “So, that being said, Javy, I’m having you go to superhero camp. I think you’ll work well with the boys. Nat, I’m moving you over to kayaking because you have experience with the kayaks from last summer. And I’m moving you,” Pete says with a look in your direction. “To jewelry making with Callie.” 

“What about Anderson?” Avery asks. 

“I gave Anderson the choice to go with her to jewelry making if she wanted and she said yes. I don’t know why her Dad signed her up for superhero camp in the first place.” Pete says, mumbling the last bit to himself. “She’s already been bunking with the girls from jewelry making so the switch won’t be too bad.” 

“I feel bad.” You blurt out. “I feel like I’m being a huge inconvenience.” 

Various protests break out across the room, all disagreeing with you. 

“First of all, you’re not an inconvenience. You’re not asking to be moved, I am making the executive decision to do that. Second of all, we’ve had issues with Andy every summer he’s been here. I’m not gonna keep you in a camp with him for the sake of it, especially because it wouldn’t be healthy for you or conducive to the other campers.” 

“Andy’s parents and I have already had words and I made it clear this would be Andy’s last summer if he was this way to any of you ever again.” Tom says firmly. “These kids deal with a lot of stuff from their home life and this is a place for them to cope with it, but you are not their punching bags and I won’t let them treat you as such.”

You nod, others giving various words of affirmation. Pete and Tom dismiss you, letting you go to dinner. 

Once outside the office, Jake grabs your arm as you go to grab food and you look at him. 

He clears his throat, looking over your shoulder as he watches the other counselors head into the dining area. 

“So, uh, couldn’t help but notice you and Javy this afternoon, being all touchy and everything. Anything going on there?” 

You roll your eyes, pulling your arm out of his grasp.

“Oh fuck off.”

-

Maverick walks up to you, hugging your leg. The boy behind him, Sebastian, follows suit, holding out a piece of paper. 

“I made this for you. This is me and this is you and that’s us holding a heart.” 

Your heart clenches as your jaw drops. “This is so cute. Thank you Sebastian.” 

He smiles before climbing on the bus, Maverick waving up at you before following his friend. 

“Two days with them and you’re the only one who got art.” Avery mutters, throwing her hands up as she walks past, headed back to the lodge. 

Pete grins at you and you tilt your head. “What?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Nothing. I just think you should have more faith in yourself, s’all.” 

You frown, biting your lip as the other counselors trickle back to the lodge now that the buses are loaded and getting ready for departure. 

“I just-“

Pete reaches out, squeezing your elbow. “I think you need to give yourself more credit. You’ve done good here and it shows with things like this.” He says, noding down to the art. 

With that, Pete turns and falls in step with Nat, chatting to her as they go. 

-

The pool area is crowded as your camp gets ready to leave, Nat’s camp filtering in. 

Your name gets called from across the way and you look over, seeing Anderson wave you over. You bid goodbye to Natasha, headed her way. 

“What’s up Anderson?” You say, crouching down. 

She giggles into her hand. “Um, my friend Quinn has a question.” 

You recognize the girl next to her from Nat and Jake’s fairy camp they were overseeing this week. “Yes miss Quinn?” 

“Um, is- are you and Javy- like boyfriend girlfriend?” The girl asks with a giggle.  

Heat immediately floods your neck at the question but you shake your head. “No. Where did you hear a silly rumor like that?” 

Anderson giggles. “See, I told you Quinn. She’d never kiss a boy cause they’ve got cooties.” 

Quinn’s face falls. “But Jake said- he said you were!” The girl protests. 

“Jake said what?” The blonde asks as he ambles his way over to the bench. 

“You said Javy and I were boyfriend girlfriend but we’re not cause boys have cooties and are yucky.” You say, pulling a face at Anderson, who giggles. 

“Jake did not say that Quinn. Where did you hear that?” 

“But by the pool yesterday- you told miss Natasha!” The girl shouts, earning the attention of some of the other campers. You hold out your hand, which Anderson takes. 

You lean into Jake’s ear. “Word of advice: don’t gaslight your campers. You said it.” 

Jake gives you a look but you ignore it, walking back into the lodge with Anderson as she babbles. 

Javy crosses paths with you, frowning as he pauses. “Go wash your hands Tyson.” He says to the boy in front of him. “What?” 

You look down at Anderson. “Anderson, ask mister Javy what Quinn just asked me.” 

The girl looks up, squirming as she giggles. “Are you guys boyfriend girlfriend?” 

You give Javy a look, rolling your eyes. “Jake said.”

He shakes his head, rolling his own eyes as his camper returns from the bathroom. 

“Boys have cooties!” Anderson exclaims as Tyson pulls a face. 

“No they don’t!” Tyson argues back and Javy sighs. 

“Ty, go line up outside buddy.” 

The boy sighs but does so as Anderson watches the two of you. 

You give Javy a pointed look to which he shrugs, as if to say What do you want me to do?

You sigh, looking down at Anderson, who’s still holding your hand. 

“Come on Anderson, let’s go get ready for our party tonight. We have a Snow White costume to make!”

-

“Out with it.” Avery says, plopping down next to you on a bench at the amphitheater. “What’s up with you and Javy? You guys have been different since movie night two weekends ago.”

You glance behind her, at the theme party bustling inside the lodge, as you shrug. “I don’t know.” 

Avery rolls her eyes, taking a bite of her hot dog. “C’mon, tell me.” 

You sigh. “You can’t say anything, cause I think the only person who knows is Jake- and well maybe Nat, cause Anderson and Quinn were asking me-“ You cut yourself off, shaking your head and waving your hands. “I’m getting side tracked.” 

You lean in, cupping your hands around your mouth, whispering in to her ear. 

“Javy and I went for a night hike day the night after movie night and he kissed me.”

Her eyes go wide and your hands move down to tug on her arm, as you hiss, “Be normal, be normal!” 

Bob and Ava walk past, giving you two a wave as they go back inside the lodge. 

She nearly chokes on her hot dog as she studies you. “So- are you guys like- dating now?” You shake your head. “At least exclusive then?”

You shrug. “We haven’t talked about any of that. It’s like- more than flirting but not quite dating. We’re more dating than we were before but like- still not really I guess. I don’t know, he’s my camp boyfriend, not my real world boyfriend? Avery, I don’t know.” You groan. 

She shakes her head, taking another bite of her hot dog. 

“You guys give me a headache.” 

You take a deep breathe. “Avs, what am I gonna do? Camp ends in a less than a month. We have three more weeks and that’s it. And I’m- fuck, I’m attached.” You say, trailing off into a whisper. 

Avery sighs. “For what it’s worth, he really does care about you. Like any time Andy got out of line last week, he was-“ She snaps her fingers. “On him.”

“I just think that means he’s better as his job than I am.”

She shakes her head. “No, he was- he was really upset Andy called you that and made you cry. Was really livid about it.” She finishes her hot dog, brushing her hands off. “I mean, he had words with the kids the next day about expectations for the rest of the week, but he had words with Andy later about respect.” 

You raise an eyebrow at the news that Javy had come to your defense so staunchly. “I didn’t know that.”

Avery shrugs. “Look, I’m just saying, like- I don’t know if you guys can sustain this after camp, like I don’t have a crystal ball. I can’t say for sure. But you guys have everything going for you to set you up for something really good outside of camp. The physical chemistry, the friendship, that’s all there. He really cares about you and you him. So- maybe it could be something outside of camp and I think the more you keep telling yourself it can’t be, the more you fulfill your own prophecy.”

-

“Alright, kiddo.” Pete says. “You’re finally getting what you wanted. With Anderson gone this week, you’re doing horseback riding camp.” 

Your fists pump up in excitement, a “Yes!” leaving your mouth. 

Pete chuckles. “It’s a small camp, nine of them, and they’re eleven to fourteen so it’ll just be you and Jake.” 

Jake gives a thumbs up, confirming. 

“You know, you could’ve put me at horseback riding earlier in the summer. We didn’t have to wait for Anderson to be gone. And Avery and I don’t have to be at every camp for that matter.”

“Yeah, but then Anderson would’ve had a fit and honestly I didn’t want to deal with that.” Pete says, as he flips over to the next page. 

“How does it feel to be the favorite?” Ava says in a low whisper from your left. 

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown.” Avery comments quietly from your other side. 

You tilt your head in concession to the girls words as you tune back in to Pete. 

“And Javy, you leave Thursday morning, right?” 

Javy nods, confirming his words. 

“Cool. So we’ll have you, Avery, Ava, and Becky who is filling in this week, at dessert camp. The rest of you are doing camp olympics.” 

“Literally so glad that’s not me. I’d break a limb.” You mutter and Avery snickers, a smile peeking out from where her hand is propping up her chin. 

Tom quips back, “Yeah, that’s why you’re not doing it. You’re a liability.”

-

Jake does a headcount as your camp lines up outside the lodge to get on the van and go over to the ranch to meet the horses and do a walkthrough. 

Javy’s camp exits the lodge, following him down the pathway as he lines up next to you, waiting to take his campers to their cabins. 

“Everyone say hi Mr. Javy!” You call and your campers turn, echoing you. He grins, having his campers return the favor, making your smile grow even larger. 

Behind you, you hear Avery sigh. 

“I’m so tired of this.” She mutters as she nudges her stragglers towards her line. 

You snicker as she turns her displeased look on you. 

“Yeah, you say that, but then you keep bunking with me every week and asking for updates so…”

-

“Has it been like this all summer?” You hear Becky ask but you don’t spare her a glance. 

A summer thunderstorm has fallen over the Julian mountains, the sky letting open on the camp. 

Going to the ranch today would be a no-go, but thankfully for you and Jake, your campers were content to sit in the lodge and play board games with each other all day. 

The sticky and heavy humidity of the storm and the echoing of rain pelting down against the roof of the lodge made anything else feel near unbearable. 

So as Jake played the 18th round of Clue, you sat with Avery and Becky as Javy churned the ice cream for their camp, their kids standing around in wonder as he does it. 

It falls silent at the table so you look over to where they’re sitting next to each other with unimpressed looks on their faces. 

“What?” 

Avery shakes her head. “All summer. It’s been like this all summer.” 

Your eyebrows furrow. “Like what?” 

Avery tilts her head, as if to say Seriously?

You sigh, glancing back at him. He’s focused on his task, churning the handle of the manual ice cream maker. 

You’re also in optimal seating to watch his arms flex, the muscles of his upper arm rippling and tightening under his camp t-shirt. 

“Here she goes again!” 

-

Javy’s hip is pressed up into the sink as you brush your teeth, the bustling sound of counselors getting ready for bed around you. 

“So, are you gonna miss me this weekend?” He says with a cheeky grin.

You make a face, spitting your toothpaste out. “You mean I’m free of my velcro camper and my velcro counselor? I’m gonna throw a freaking party.”

Javy rolls his eyes at your words as Avery slings her arms around your shoulders. “Girls night this weekend?” 

“Down.” Nat says as she walks past. 

“It’s settled. Me, you, Becky, Ava, Nat, and Callie. Girls night for the counselors this weekend. One last final hurrah.” Avery says, still holding on to you.

Javy crosses his arms, looking less than pleased. 

Avery shakes her head, finally letting you go. “I don’t know why you’re looking at me like that. You’re the one who requested off for the last weekend.” 

With that, she walks off and you roll your eyes. 

“You didn’t actually tell me what you were going out of town for.” You comment, packing up your toiletries. 

Javy sighs. “I just have some stuff I have to take care of.” 

You make a face, zipping your bag shut. “Okay man of mystery. Could you be more vague?” 

He reaches a hand out, squeezing your shoulder. “C’mon you. Let’s go to bed.” 

“Buy a girl a drink first.” You mutter and he gives an exaggerated sigh.

“Let’s go to sleep.” He amends and you pout, looking up at him. 

“Excuse you, where’s my goodnight kiss?” 

He gives another exaggerated sigh, rolling his eyes, as his hands reach up to cup your cheeks. He gives you a chaste kiss before dropping his hands, taking a step back. 

“C’mon, let’s get back to the cabin. I gotta get up early tomorrow to drive outta here.”

You hum. “Guess we wouldn’t want you to miss a moment of your beauty sleep.”

-

Jake pulls his horse back to match you, letting the kids go ahead and follow Julia, the owner of the ranch, down the trail. 

“Hey, I’ve been wanting to talk to you.” 

You nod, looking over at him. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“So, you and Javy.”

“Yeah?”

Jake sits for a minute and you let him as your horses move down the dusty road. “Look, I’ve known the kid since he was 13 and first started coming to this camp the summer before he started high school. We’ve worked together every summer since we turned eighteen and he is one of my best friends.” Jake starts. “And you- you were a curveball I did not see coming.” 

“What do you mean?” 

He sighs. “Look, not to get all what are your intentions with my kid on you, but-“

“What are my intentions with your kid?” You say, a hint of amusement filling your tone. 

“Look, Javy doesn’t do this every summer. Okay, this isn’t like a thing for him, where he has a camp girlfriend every summer. You’re it.” Jake says firmly. “And it’s clear the two of you haven’t figured out where this goes after the summer is over and if you don’t see this going somewhere, I need you to tell him. Javy is too kind for his own good; you can string him along for the next year and it’ll hurt him like hell, but he’ll roll over and take it.” 

“I’m not gonna do that.” 

“You better not. Either you wanna see this go somewhere or you don’t — you have to make a choice. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Cause guess what. He might let it go, but I’m not gonna be so kind to you if you hurt him.” 

“Jake-“ 

He pulls his horse forward, pausing in front of you. “I’m being serious. If you don’t like him all that seriously, sure, it’ll hurt him but at least you were honest. But if you hurt him by dangling a carrot in front of him, living in this limbo for the next however long and a promise of something more someday with no real intention to take it somewhere, I’ll make damn sure you’re not welcome back at camp.” 

The comment stuns you. 

“Pete can hire you back but it’ll be the loneliest summer of your life and you’ll wish you never took the job. So I’d choose wisely.” 

Jake waits as you process his words, clearly waiting for an affirmative. 

“You know you could’ve gotten your point across without threatening me.” You finally land on. 

You can’t be sure because of his sunglasses but you’re pretty sure his eyebrows hike up at the response. 

“For the record, I don’t want to hurt him and the last thing I would do is string him along. You have to know that I’m protecting myself just as much as I am him here, okay? Because I know if we try after camp and it falls apart, I think it would kill me.” You take a deep breath. “Jake, I really like him. It’s never been like this with anyone and I’ve never felt so at ease with someone like I’ve been with him here. So- yeah, you’re right. I gotta make a choice. But I’ve only been putting it off because I’m terrified of what happens next. I want to stay here in this bubble forever, even though I know I can’t.” 

Jake’s stature softens considerably as you talk, shoulder deflating from their hiked position. His hand flexes around the reigns, moving his horse back to the trail. Your horse, Blackberry, follows Jake’s movements and the two of you fall into step again. 

“Javy cares about you.” Jake says finally, voice much softer. “One hell of a lot. And he’s willing to put in the work to keep you.” 

He’s willing to put in the work to keep you. 

-

Jake’s words stay with you through the rest of the day and in to the evening, sitting with you as you turn your feelings over in your head. 

You’re surprised you’re actually grateful Javy is gone, because it gives you a chance to process Jake’s words and your feelings in peace. 

You sit with your back to the wood of the wall your bunk is pushed up against, knees drawn in close to your chest. Avery lays on your bed, legs kicked out and propped up on one elbow as the two of you work on lanyards. 

Jake pushes the cabin door open, making his way from the shower. He putts around the room as you and Avery continue to quietly reminisce on the summer. 

“Hey, do you remember when Anderson licked the table?” She snickers. 

You let out a giggle as you pull on a string. “Remember when I had to ask Weston to stop smelling the markers and he stuck it up his nose?” 

That earns a laugh from Jake and you glance at him. He catches your eye, making his way over to you and Avery’s bunk. The girl stops her movement, looking up at him. He leans against the bunk, one arm outstretched to you as the other holds his weight. 

“We good?” 

You swallow at the sight of his hand, taking it. “Yeah Jake, we’re good.” 

He gives it a squeeze before he lets go, making his way back to his bed. Avery looks at you curiously, mouthing What was that about?

You wave Avery off, shaking your head, as Jake starts talking again. 

“I had a kid try to convince me he was actually older than his Dad.” 

-

“Okay, for the buses back this weekend, we’re gonna have you and Javy,” Pete says, pointing to you. “on bus A back to San Diego. Nat and Mickey are gonna be on bus B to Escondido. After all the kids get picked up, you’ll drive back up here. For the rest of you, once kids leave on Saturday, Tom and I will need your help with stuff around here. Saturday and Sunday, we’ll do some cleaning and organizing of leftover supplies and whatnot. Get this place in decent shape so there’s not a ton of heavy lifting in the spring.” 

“I have a question.” You say, raising your hand. Pete nods at you as he looks through his checklist. “Um, isn’t it usually like- a big fight for which counselor gets to be on the final bus back? Cause um, I don’t know any of the kids well enough to do that so like- I didn’t put my name in the drawing for that. So I’m confused.” 

“Anderson’s parents called and asked specifically. After Anderson went home last week while her Dad was in town, Anderson’s Dad called me personally to ask if you’d be there for final drop off.” 

“Um, am I in trouble?” 

Pete looks up at you, eyebrows furrowed, as Jake tosses you an incredulous look. “Why would you be in trouble?” 

You shrug, face going warm. “Well, I don’t know- what if she went home and was like there’s this terrible counselor I hate-“ 

Your sentence gets cut off as Nat reaches around you, covering your mouth with her hand. 

“We will be more than happy to do final drop off.”

-

“Well good morning.” 

You smile at Avery hugging you from behind as you braid Anderson’s hair. 

“Good morning miss Avery.” 

Bradley tosses a look at the two of you from where he’s corralling his campers into brushing their teeth. 

“It’s too early in the morning for the two of you to be so couple-y.” 

You smirk as you lean into your best friend’s body. “Well, Miss Avery and I are gonna run away together.” 

“You are?” Anderson asks, turning around. 

You shake your head. “No.” You say, turning Anderson’s head back around to continue braiding. 

Avery squeezes you before letting go and you look up, catching Javy watching you. 

“So unimpressed.”

-

“Look.” Javy says with a smug grin on his face as he shows Avery the fusion beads you’d made for him. 

You pretend not to listen as you continue to iron the fusion beads together for the kiddos, Anderson babbling away to Quinn in front of her. 

“She made me a heart.” 

Avery holds up her own. “Well, she made me a flower.” 

“Yeah, but I got the heart. That means she l-o-v-e-s me.” 

You can feel Avery’s eye roll, not even needing to look over to the girl. 

It falls quiet between them and you look up just in time to catch Avery coming to sit across from you. She shoos the girls away and they giggle as they do, off to join Javy’s game of hot potato. 

“So.” 

“Avery.” You warn.

“You l-o-v-e him.”

You toss the girl a dirty look, ignoring the way your heart flutters at the accusation. 

Making Javy the heart hadn’t been as intentional as he’d maybe think, but it hadn’t been as innocuous as you’d like to pretend either. 

“You’re not denying it.” 

“Avery.” You say sternly. “Can we not?”

She shrugs. “Just saying. It’s Wednesday of the last camp. You’re running out of time.” 

You huff, looking up at her. “Okay Avery, thank you for that pleasant reminder. Now, if I can remind you, I have a hot iron in my hand and I will use it.” 

Avery shrugs, standing up. 

“Suit yourself. Don’t come crying to me when you fumble him.” 

-

You watch Javy run his thumb over the heart for the umpteenth time as you pretend not to watch him as you read your book. 

“Javy.” You say softly. The boy looks up at you, an earnest, nervous grin on his face. 

“Yeah?

You sigh. “Look, I know- I know I said we could talk at the end of the summer and- and I meant it, but can we just- can we wait until after we don’t have any campers? Please- I need to get Anderson through drop off.” 

He nods. “Course.” 

And then he resumes running his thumb over your ankle, still looking at the heart.

Your heart clenches at the easy way he accepts your ask, the way he doesn’t question the excuse. 

Because honestly?

You were just trying to buy time. 

You had no idea what you were going to do or say, not a step closer to any kind of decision about what would happen after you left here on Sunday. 

Not when you had heard what he had joked to Avery about earlier, not when Avery had taken that tone with you. 

Not when you were afraid of your own feelings, so afraid of the four letter word that came to mind when you looked at the boy sat across from you. 

You didn’t dare think about what happened if he returned the four letter word. 

-

“Anderson, please, we have to get off the bus.” 

She shakes her head, clinging to you tighter. “No, I don’t want to leave you.” 

You sigh, glancing back at Javy who’s walked back on to the bus. 

The entire bus has been cleared with the exception of Anderson, who is fifty pounds of dead weight, clinging to your left arm as you try to get out of the seat. 

You sit back down next to her as Javy walks over to the both of you. 

You run a hand down her hair and rub her back. “C’mon Miss Anderson, I’ll see you again next summer.” 

She looks up at you with teary eyes. “No you won’t. What if you forget me?” 

You look up at Javy, heart clenching, as she starts to cry. “I won’t forget you miss Anderson. You were my most favorite part of camp.” 

She sniffles. “But what if next year someone else comes and they become your favorite camper?” 

Javy crouches down next to the two of you, gentle and easy as if he’s approaching a spooked animal.  “Miss Anderson, miss Quinn is leaving and looking for you. Don’t you want to go say goodbye?” 

Anderson looks at him, eyes rimmed red, before she looks to you. “Yeah Anderson, let’s go say goodbye to our friends, okay? I won’t leave before saying goodbye to you, okay? I promise.”

She sniffs again but nods, and you can finally stand up alongside Javy as she makes her way out of the row. 

The drop off area is nearly empty by this point and it’s easy to spot Anderson’s mom, the only person without a kid babbling to them. 

Anderson beelines to her, talking in fast words, before taking off again to hug Quinn. 

Javy nudges your arm, giving you a thumbs up, and you nod. He sets off to talk to another family as you walk over to Anderson’s mom. 

She’s younger than you thought she’d be, maybe only a few years older than you. Her smile is bright as she catches sight of you. 

“So you must be the counselor my daughter has raved about every weekend.” 

You return her smile. “Guess so. It’s very nice to meet you.” You say, as you reach out a hand. 

She shakes your hand. “Reagan. I’m so glad my husband was able to arrange for you to be at drop-off. I’m a nurse so usually my schedule isn’t super flexible and I can’t be here. Our babysitter or neighbor usually comes and picks her up.” 

“Well, I’m glad you were able to make it. Anderson was a joy to have at camp this year.” 

She smirks. “You’d be the first to think so.” 

You tilt your head. “How do you mean?” 

She shrugs. “Anderson is a handful. A cutie, but a handful.” 

“Um… she was always really good and listened to me.” 

Mirth fills Reagan’s eyes. “Again, you’d be the first.” 

Your eyes flicker over to Anderson, who has all but forgotten her tears as she and Quinn recount the story of the marshmallow that had set on fire last night. 

“So, um, maybe it’s weird to ask but are you looking for a job now that the summer is over?” 

You look back at Reagan. “Kind of? I’m starting grad school and I have one part time gig so my schedule is a bit all over the place but um, why?”

“Well, honestly, our babysitter is moving to Nebraska to be with her partner at the end of this year and with my shifts at the hospital, it’s hard to be at home with Anderson as much as I would like. And Davis is gone all the time so…” Reagan’s cheeks bloom red. “Would you be interesting babysitting for Anderson?” 

Your eyebrows jump up. “Um-“ 

“Honestly, Anderson raves about you and when Davis talked to Pete about you last week, he had nothing but wonderful things to say. So if you’re local and willing, would you be interested? Even just once a week or anything!” 

“I’d love to.” You say honestly, feeling something release in your body that your goodbye with Anderson tonight may not be the last. “I’d- yeah, I’d really love that.” 

-

“Anderson was your favorite part of camp?” 

You frown as you walk over to Javy’s truck. Laughter lines his eyes as he teases you. 

“Shut up and drive me to In-N-Out.” 

-

The drive back to Julian is filled with radio hits and silence as the pavement of the road passes beneath the tires of Javy’s black truck. 

It’s only once the straight freeways turn into dirt roads, not yet quite windy or narrow, but much more filled with nature and life, that Javy breaks the reverie. 

His hands flex around the steering wheel, readjusting before he reaches out to turn down the radio volume, the car going quiet. 

You look over at him, confused. His shoulders are tense as he keeps his hands wrapped firmly around the wheel. 

“Everything okay?” You ask.

“I want to talk. About us.” 

You swallow, nodding. 

As much as you’d like to pretend, to hide, forever, time didn’t work that way. 

You could only stave off the inevitable for so long it seems. 

You take a deep breath, steeling yourself. 

“I- I want- If this is our last weekend, I want to know it. I want to be able to soak it up, knowing it’s the last.” He says. “Look- Look, if this was just a summer thing to you, I understand.” 

He glances over at you, meeting your eyes, and it’s at this point that you realize you haven’t made a decision. 

You’d hoped he’d come out, choose to say let’s leave it here, and you wouldn’t have to be the one to break hearts. 

But he didn’t and isn’t, and in light of that, you realize you’d been banking on him making the choice to cut the cord. Now that the choice is on you, you’re not sure what to do with yourself. 

In your silence, Javy’s nerves must grow, because he picks up talking once more, and it’s nothing short of rambling. 

“Fuck, I’ll play my hand, if that’s what it takes. I really fucking like you, okay? And I- I want this to be something. I want to introduce you to everyone as my girlfriend, and tell them about this great summer we had, how every good memory I take with me has you in it. I want to tell them about how I- I found myself-“ He cuts himself off. 

“Found yourself what?” You ask, urgency in your tone. 

You needed to know what he was gonna say. 

There’s just something that tells you that you need to hear it, that what it is could change everything. 

He takes a shaky breath. “That I found myself falling in love with you under the stars. But if you don’t feel that way- then- then that’s okay. I’ll accept that and I’ll- I’ll let you go.”

The words hit you then, the weight of this conversation. 

A deep ache appears in your chest as you think about what you’re gonna have to do, how badly it’s going to hurt to have to walk away from this.

Because shit, he’d gone and fallen in love with you and when you really let yourself think about it, hadn’t you done the same? 

But then Jake’s words come back to you, searing across the ache you feel. 

He’s willing to put in the work to keep you. 

You force yourself to take a deep breath around the ache and the hurt you’ve been stalling all summer. 

If he was willing to put in the work, so were you. And maybe all you had to do was ask. 

“Javy, it’s not- it’s not that I don’t feel that way about you. Because I do, okay? So take that out of it.” 

Javy nods, some of the tightness in his shoulders fading but you can tell he’s still nervous. 

“So- if it’s not that, then what is it?”

You sigh. “Javy, we live two completely different lives in places hundreds of miles apart from each other. Okay, I’ll admit that I’ve been the one dragging out this conversation all summer because at camp- it’s like a bubble right? We can live in there forever, but I knew one day that bubble would pop and we’d have to face the real world and it was gonna hurt like hell. And it’s not that I’m afraid to put in the work, cause I’m not. But-“ You cut yourself off, shaking your head. “When we try, and we fail, where does that leave me? Here, outside of camp, all the odds are stacked against us. And I think it would hurt me more to try and fail than not try at all.” 

It’s quiet as you let Javy process your words. You watch him mull them over, nerves shifting into something stronger. 

“So- it’s the distance? Essentially, that’s it?” 

You give a half shrug, watching him closely. “Yeah, in essence, I guess.” You say softly. 

He sighs. “Honestly, I think I’ve got my own confession to make about that.” 

“Yeah?”

“I’m moving to San Diego.” 

And suddenly your entire world spins. 

That had never been on the table. 

You’d never considered that as an option, as a possibility. Had never even dreamed of it. 

“What?” You blurt out after a minute of silence and Javy lets out a little laugh. 

“I’m uh, starting my teaching credential at SDSU in the fall in two weeks. It’s a two-year program so it’s safe to say I’ll be around for a while.” 

“Wait- what? You’ve never even mentioned this. I thought you were moving to get some hot shot engineering job in like, Houston or some shit.” 

Javy nods. “Yeah, I uh, I haven’t really told anybody about it. Nobody even knew I was committed until the last few weeks. A little known fact about me is that I actually double majored in Secondary Education. I don’t really tell people because- I guess it’s a more personal part of me. And last fall, my teachers were really recommending I think about education as a career and I’ve always loved California, always wanted to see more of the world than just Louisiana. So at the last minute, two days before the application deadline, I applied to SDSU’s credentialing program and then didn’t let myself think about it. Even after I got accepted and committed and went through the whole headache of getting my prereqs approved, I didn’t ever actually think I’d go. And then-“ He gives a shrug of his shoulders. “And then you showed up in my life and asked me if the future I thought I was supposed to follow was what I really wanted. And for the first time- it just felt different. I went back to that acceptance letter and really thought about what my life could be if I let myself have what it was that I wanted.” 

The comment stuns you as you recall that conversation with Javy from the very first week of the summer, as you’d made small talk in an attempt to get to know him. 

You’d had no idea that conversation had stayed with him when it had nearly slipped from your memory. 

“I told Jake about it not too long after. I needed to start finding a place to live and I knew he needed a room mate. And I told Pete too, cause uh- that’s what I needed to take off last weekend for. I was going to orientation.”

You take a deep breath, brain reeling. “Holy shit.” 

Javy gives a small laugh, eyes finally hopeful. 

“Look, what I want is you. If it’s the distance, that’s- that’s not a factor. Take it off the table.” He says, and you nod. “My life is about to change, a lot, and honestly- I want to take you with me into this new part of it. If you’ll have me.” 

“I love you.” You blurt out. Javy’s head swings over to you, eyes wide. “I- fuck, cards on the table that’s how I feel. And that’s- that’s why, I guess as Avery has said, I haven’t been using my words. I fell in love with you and was so scared of it. And I should’ve- should’ve just asked but- I’m so fucking proud of you for following your heart like this. And- fuck, yeah of course I want to see this through with you.” 

Javy gives you a small smile as he reaches his right hand over to your thigh, squeezing you. You take his hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, before lifting it up to kiss his knuckles. He squeezes your hand this time, smile turning more at ease. 

“Let’s make this weekend a good one then, yeah?” 

-

On the very last night of camp, the familiar and oh-so-comforting crackle of the fire pops in front of you as you tuck your head into Javy’s shoulder, clinging to his arm. Avery is pressed up on your other side, arms wrapped around your middle as your left arm lays across her back. 

You’ve all been reminiscing on the summer, sharing favorite memories and having laughs, giggling over moments with cute kids and poking fun at one another. 

Finally, Pete sighs. 

“Well, I would like to say that this is probably one of the best summers we’ve ever had up here and that’s been in no small part due to the work you guys have put in. You showed up for these kids when it was hard, when it wasn’t easy, come hell or high water. And it made all the difference. I’m so proud of each and every one of you and I’m so glad to call you all a little part of our family up here. Whether you come back to us next summer or this is your last night with us, I want you all to know Tom and I are here for whatever you need in the years to come. Just give us a holler. We’ll be here.”

“I hope that the seasons of life you all are walking into you are nothing short of full and rewarding. As Pete said, stay in touch. I know we’ll see some of you back in San Diego-“ Javy gives you a little jostle as Avery whoops. “for dinners around the house, but I also know some of you are headed back to your various homes outside of California. So again, don’t be a stranger. We’re always here.”

“Any last thoughts on the summer anyone wants to share?” 

You cautiously raise a hand and Pete nods, giving you the go ahead as he smiles at you. 

-

July 2010

The first thing you notice about your new city is the oppressive humidity as you pull the door of the car open, unsticking your legs from the leather of your Mom’s rental car. 

You let out a soft expression of pain as the solid oak of the front door to your new home swings open, revealing your Mom’s boyfriend. 

“You’re finally here!” He shouts. “Come, come. Let me show you around the place!” 

-

You wince as the window screeches and you pause, waiting to see if the conversation downstairs stills. When the raucous music and laughter continues, the friends and family of your Mom’s boyfriend welcoming her to the city with food and conversation, you push the window up in one fell swoop and duck out onto the roof. 

You shuffle your feet, hunched over as you climb to the top of the roof before reaching out for the large oak tree that sits out front. 

“Ow.” You mutter as a branch thwaps your face on the way down, pausing for a second to make sure you’re actually on solid ground.  

Once you’re sure you’re clear, you begin to walk away, giddy joy thrumming through you. The joy begins to propel you, turning from a fast walk to a skip to a run as you weave your way through foreign streets, eventually catching a streetcar into the French Quarter. 

The music beckons you further into the bustling city, the lights gleaming above you. It’s all you can do to not bump into other locals and tourists alike in the streets as you walk, in awe of the good cheer around you. 

You pause, watching a group of bachelorettes dance in the street. 

“First time?” 

You startle a bit, turning to your right to see a boy who can’t be much older than you standing not too far behind you. 

“That obvious?” 

He grins. “All the tourists got the same look, you know.” 

“Well, I’d better get rid of that quick. Gotta start blending in if I’m not gonna be mistaken for a tourist.” 

He jerks his head to a pathway covered by ivy that leads off the main road of Bourbon Street. “C’mon, I’ll show you where the real party is at.” 

“You know, this is how girls end up killed or trafficked.” 

He turns to face you, walking backwards as he grins. “And yet — you’re still following me.” 

“Guess I want to know where the real party is at- ah,” You pause, realizing you don’t know his name. 

“Javy.” He offers and you give him your name in return. He smiles at it, testing the name out on his tongue, before turning around as the two of you emerge on to a street. He offers you his hand, fingers wiggling as they wait for yours. You take it, being tugged in close to him as he intertwined his fingers with your own. 

“So, mystery tourist, where are you from?”  He asks as he weaves the two of you around a large group of college kids. 

You laugh. “San Diego. And I’m, uh, not a tourist. I just moved here actually.” 

“No shit, really? How come?” 

“My Mom’s boyfriend is a performer. Musician if you will. Got offered a gig playing one of these jazz spots.” You say as you happen to pass one on the cobbled road. “Mom moved out here to be with him and I wanted — needed — a fresh start.” Javy suddenly takes a sharp turn and you falter. “Um, okay, I was willing to follow you because you seem like a nice guy but this is the second alley you’ve taken me down and I’m starting to get the feeling that-”

He cuts your sentence off with a squeeze of his hand. “You want a real taste of the nightlife here?” 

“Yeah, but not at the cost of my life, so-”

He finally tugs you into a clearing, the sounds of jazz music suddenly overwhelming the courtyard. A table in the far back erupts into cheers at the sight of him and Javy flashes you a grin before tugging you along under the soft glow of the lights above. 

“Javy! You’re late!” Javy grins as someone jostles his shoulders. 

“I know James, I know, but I got caught up.” 

The girl next to James raises her eyebrows. “A girl? Javier, you are a player.” 

He rolls his eyes. “Ha ha.” His hands slide down your back before traveling back up to rest on your shoulders. It takes everything in you to not lean into his touch. “This is James, my older brother. He’s a sophomore-“

“Going to be a junior!” 

Javy rolls his eyes again. “Whatever. He’s gonna be a junior at LeMoyne-Owen in Memphis. And this is my cousin Lilly, who’s studying computer science out at University of Arkansas.” Lilly waggles her fingers in greeting as Javy’s fingertips press into your shoulder blades. He leans down so you can better hear him as the group moves on. “Want to dance?”

-

The night is filled with dancing, a warm buzz underneath your skin fueled by Javy’s infectious laughter and electrifying touch. Over the music you learn he’s going to be a senior this year, is on the football team, and his Dad is a captain in the Navy. You learn that his favorite animal are penguins and his favorite color is emerald green. You learn he wants to become a Navy pilot like his Dad and that his favorite thing to do is cook a good meal. 

You learn that you could be one hundred percent, wholeheartedly, head over heels in love with the kind and safe human that is Javy Machado. 

It’s only as the later hours creep in, Javy having excused himself to the bathroom, that you chance a glance at your watch. 

You curse softly tugging a hand through the hair falling over your shoulder, as you scan the crowd for Javy. He still hasn’t returned and you know every minute you spend waiting for him, is another minute you’ll earn yourself in a lecture. 

You swallow around the lump in your throat, looking around for him, once, twice, thrice more before you slip back down the alleyway from which you came. 

-

December 2021

“Are you okay?” Elli asks as Josh gets up to go to the bathroom from the dinner table. “We’re at like, one of the busiest restaurants in all of New Orleans with some of the best live music I’ve heard in a long time, and you’ve said like two words all night.” 

Your throat suddenly goes dry as you attempt to find a way to answer her question, only distantly cataloguing that Iain is approaching the table. 

“Hey guys!” 

You work to swallow as Elli glances up at your longtime friend, her face lighting up. Iain glances at you, eyebrows quirking. 

“Hey- are you okay?” 

You wave a hand, trying not to cringe at the way your voice scratches. “Fine. Dehydrated, I think. I had hoped the humidity would be better.” 

He nods, a bit disbelieving, a testament to his perceptive nature. “Right. Well, hey, we go on in an hour or so, and I was wondering if you wanted to come meet my buddy who set me up with these gigs?” 

Elli nods, already rising from the table. “Of course! Josh is in the bathroom, so he can just come find us when he gets back out here.” 

“Perfect.” 

You follow Elli and Iain to a table closer to the stage, the two of them chatting about the flight and Iain’s gig at the night art market tomorrow and where you think you might have dinner on Christmas. 

“Marcus!” 

-

July 2010

“3:38 A.M.!” Your mother shrieks as she slams a cabinet and you sigh, rubbing your temple. “That’s how late you were out last night!” 

“Mom, let it go.” 

“No! I had told you that you could either stay in your room or spend time with us and you chose your room! I can not believe you snuck out!”

The irony is not lost on you that your mother is more concerned with the fact that you disobeyed her rather than your safety and having spent the evening with strangers. 

“Mom, we’re in a brand new city. I wanted to get out, explore a bit! You only spent the whole drive through Texas telling me about how I should make the most of the move!” 

“You know, you really oughta respect your mother, you know.” Your Mom’s boyfriend, Derek, chides and you frown. 

“Thanks for your input dipshit.”

“That’s enough.” Your mother snaps. “I hope you had a good night exploring the city because that’s the last you’ll see of it until school starts.” 

“What- Mom, school doesn’t start until August.” You groan. 

“Better get really comfortable in your room then.” 

-

The rest of your summer passes in a monotonous humid haze, with late night dips into the pool behind your house and hours spent staring up at a ceiling fan that did little to alleviate the humidity in a bare room. 

“Let’s go, we’re gonna be late!” You sigh as you tug on your shoes, hearing your Mom shout up the stairway. 

“Mom, I’m coming!” You shout back as you pull the backpack onto your shoulder, padding down the stairs. She’s rummaging in her bag, glancing up at you. 

“Good. By the way, I’m going to Derek’s show tonight to help him get set up so you’ll have to walk home.” You splutter as you glance outside. 

“Mom, it’s raining! It’s quite literally a tropical storm.”

“It’s two miles, you’ll be fine!” 

-

“No, that’s not it.” You mutter to yourself, turning another corner. You spin behind you, eyes flickering to make sure you didn’t walk past it. “No, no.” You spin again as the warning bell rings, people jostling you as you feel panic creep up on you. 

“Hey, are you lost?” 

You turn, relief filling you at the sight of one Javy Machado. 

A smile grows on his face as he shuts his locker, walking the few paces over to you. “Well, hey stranger.” 

“Hey.” You breathe, finally letting the panic ease out of you. “I can’t find my classroom, and I’m- I’m totally freaking out. It says 212 but there’s no 212 on this floor and-“ 

“Hey, hey, breathe.” Javy says gently. “All odd numbered classrooms are on the second floor, even on the first. One hundreds on the left, two hundreds on right. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid numbering system.” He says in response to the face you pull. “Here, you’re looking for…” He glances at the paper you’re clutching in your hands. “Mr. Hayden’s classroom. APUSH. Watch out y’all, she’s got a brain!” Javy calls out to a few stray students and your cheeks warm. 

“Javy, stop. Just tell me where I’m going, please.”

“Down those stairs, first classroom on the right. Hey-“

The bell rings and you curse, already feeling yourself moving backwards. “I’m gonna be late, fuck.” You turn to run down the stairs, tossing a “Thanks Javy!” over your shoulder. 

You miss the way his shoulders deflate at your retreat, face falling. 

-

“This is ridiculous.” You mutter to yourself, taking another left turn down a street you don’t recognize. 

The streets of New Orleans are empty, save for a stray pedestrian who would dart down the road, protected by the downpour by an umbrella. An umbrella your California mother had insisted you didn’t need. 

It wasn’t going to rain that hard after all. It’ll rain itself out by the time it made its way inland, she had said. 

The street sign to a bakery waves in the wind and you pause. Maybe you could cut inside for a snack and re-orient yourself? You tug through your backpack pockets, letting out a soft groan when you realize your cash had been spent buying yourself lunch at the cafeteria today. Just directions would have to do. 

The bell jingles above you as you walk in, all too aware of the dripping puddle you’re creating in the bakery’s entryway. The welcoming aroma of freshly baked bread and cinnamon greets you as the cashier hurriedly stands up. 

“Hey, welcome to Dia’s Goods, how can I- oh.” 

The universe hated you. 

The universe hated you and you knew this to be true because not only were you late to your first period and reamed out by your new teacher in front of twenty of your new classmates, not only had you eaten lunch hidden in a hallway because no one had asked you to sit at their table, not only had you slipped on the stairs outside of the school, pain now radiating through your ankle, you were lost yet again and soaked to the bone and standing in front of Javy Machado.

“I thought you had football.” You say dumbly, brain scrambling as embarrassment floods you. 

“This is my Mom’s place, I help here sometimes when I don’t have practice. Which got canceled cause of the rain.” He says, gesturing around him. “Probably works out for you because you look like you’re in need of directions. Again.” 

“Javy? Did I hear someone come in?” Someone calls and an older woman appears from the back, wearing an apron covered in flour. 

“Uh, this is my Mom, Lydia. Mom, this is the new girl from school.” 

Her eyes land on you, eyebrows furrowing. “Oh dear, you’re soaked through! Here, sit down. We might have some towels in the office, Javy would you go check?” 

“Better yet, I actually have a spare set of clothes in my practice bag. I’ll go grab them.” 

“In the meantime, can I get you something to eat?” Lydia asks as Javy disappears down the hallway before you protest. 

“Oh, I, uh-” Your cheeks heat up. “No, I uh, wouldn’t be able to pay. Thank you though. I really just need directions, I’m all kinds of turned around.” 

“Nonsense, sweetie. On the house. Where are you living?” You repeat your new address to her and she looks up as she pulls a slice of chocolate cake from the case. “Oh, you’re in the Meyers old house! Where are you from?” 

“Uh, San Diego.” 

Javy comes back into the dining area as his Mom snaps her fingers. “Javy, you know who’s living in San Diego?” 

“Yes Mom, the Bradshaws, I know. Friends of my Dad’s from the service.” He adds softly as he holds the clothes out to you. 

“I should call Carole, see how their boy Bradley is doing…”

“I’ll just take the sweatshirt, I think my jeans are going to need to be peeled off with a shoe horn.” 

Javy grins as he points you in the direction of the bathroom, and you’re quick to follow, shutting the door behind you to shed your shirt. 

You tug Javy’s sweatshirt over your head, noting the faded Saints print on the front. It smells like pine trees and chocolate, a certain comfort falling over you as you look at yourself in the mirror. 

You tug the sleeves down as you exit the bathroom, noticing Javy’s Mom had laid you both up a spread of pastries from the bakery and a steaming cup. Javy perks back up at the sight of you, motioning you over. “Hey, you gotta come try this new apple pastry we’ve been doing, give Mom and I all your thoughts.” 

“Javy?” 

“Yeah Mom?” He calls back as you hesitantly sit down across from him. 

“I think we should close up early for the day, given the storm? Mind taking her home on your way back to the house?” 

“Oh, that’s very kind of you, but you don’t have to do that.” 

“It’s no trouble at all, you’re only two blocks from us-“

“California, you don’t even have an umbrella.” Javy says bluntly and you glance down at a muffin on your plate in embarrassment. “How are you ever gonna survive hurricane season?” 

Your eyes shoot back up at him. “Wait, hold on now - no one said anything about hurricanes!” 

-

“Well, this is me.” You say softly as Javy rolls to a stop in front of the house. You clutch the bag of leftovers Lydia had sent you off with and the piece of scrap paper with their house number on it, in case you ever needed anything. “Thanks for the ride.” 

“No problem California.” 

You pull the door open, reaching down to grab your bag when you remember his sweatshirt. “Oh. Your shirt. If you wanted to wait, I could go inside and change-“ 

Javy waves you off. “Don’t worry about it. You gotta start embracing New Orleans life now that you’re here. Plus, you look good in it.” 

You feel yourself blush under his praise, ducking your head. “Well, um, I’ll see you?” He nods and you step out of the car, offering him a hand in departure. He waits for you to get inside the heavy oak before  pulling back into the road. 

It takes an unspeakable amount of time for you to finally shed your jeans and once you’re finally clad in Javy’s sweatshirt and a pair of shorts, you take note of the time. 

You glance at the bare pantry, pulling open the doors of the fridge to be greeted with the sight you’d left this morning. 

I just don’t have the money to go grocery shopping right now. You’re gonna have to figure it out. 

Your Moms dismissive words echoed in your head as you lean your head against the refrigerator door with a sigh. 

Some things never did change, did they? 

-

The bell dismisses you for lunch and you heave your books up with a sigh. You walk down the hallway, coming to a stop in front of your locker as you shove your stuff in, eyes flickering to the cafeteria doors every few seconds as classmates chatter around you eagerly. 

You’ve been fiddling with your lock for a few minutes when a sharp whistle comes across the hallway. You turn, spotting Javy. 

“You coming?” He says, gesturing to the cafeteria. You heave a breath, letting go of the lock as you step closer to him. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.” 

“You buying lunch?” You shake your head and he frowns. “I don’t see you with a lunchbox, what are you having?” 

You shrug. “Air.” 

He pauses, frown growing. “You aren’t eating?”

“Can’t afford it.” 

He sighs. “C’mon, on me.”

Panic rips through you, protests immediately leaving your mouth as Javy ushers you into the line. He leans over your shoulder, setting down a tray in front of you. “Listen, my parents are not hard up for money. That bakery you saw? That was the condition my Mom set if my Dad was to take the last promotion. They pay out of pocket for all of my brother’s college tuition. Private school tuition. They’re paying his rent. It’s not a big deal that I buy lunch a few times for people who can’t afford it.” 

“Yeah, but I’m not your charity case. I don’t take handouts.” 

“You’re not a charity case. You’re my friend.” 

“Are we friends Javy?”

“Are we not friends California?” He asks with a quirk of his eyebrows. 

You sigh. “Javy-“

“Anyways. It’s not a handout. It’s a friend treating a friend to lunch. Granted that lunch is soggy chili fries but…” You sigh as you move down the line, Javy getting his wallet out. 

“Fine. Just this once, okay?”

Javy smirks as he pays the cafeteria lady, grabbing a fry off the plate. “Whatever you say, pretty lady.” 

-

“So study hall is like… what, just a free period?”

Javy squints at you over his textbook. “It’s in the name.” 

You huff. “Well, sorry, we don’t have study halls at my old school. Nor block schedule. I’ve literally never heard of A and B days until I got here.”

“Are you sure your old school was actually accredited?” 

“Considering kids used to purposefully start fights in front of the accreditation people…”

“You’re kidding, right?” 

You glance at Javy’s concerned look. “Yeah.” You assure him before muttering “Sort of…” under your breath. 

The chair next to Javy’s squeaks and you both look up. Javy’s face lights up. 

“Marcus!” 

“Hows it going, Machado?” The boy exclaims, eyes ghosting over you. “And who’s the girl?”

“This is the new girl.”

“The one from California? Heard a lot about you already.” 

Javy gives you a bashful grin. “This is my best friend Marcus. He’s captain of the football team and our quarterback.” 

“Say, you coming to the game on Friday new girl?” 

You shake your head. “I’m not really into football.” 

Marcus scoffs. “Not into football? Sweetheart, ball is life down here.” 

“What, are you guys in a cult or something?” 

Javy nudges you. “You should come. What else do you have going on on Friday?” 

You think of your bed, an endless binge of Roseanne reruns awaiting you. 

“I could think of plenty better things to do with my Friday evening, yeah.” 

“C’mon, don’t you want to watch me play?”

“Not particularly.” Javy gives you a pleading look and you sigh. “Javy, I went to two games at my last high school and I only went because I was trying to get the attention of one of the JV players. I don’t even understand the rules of the game.” 

His face falls even further. “Come on, you can hang out with Marcus’ girlfriend Madison and her friends. She’s super sweet and they’d totally explain everything to you. Don’t you want to put yourself out there? Wasn’t that the whole point of your fresh start?” 

You eye the boy for a few minutes, turning the words over in your head. 

“Fine. Fine. I’ll go. One game, you hear me?” 

Marcus chuckles. “Famous last words.”

-

December 2021

Your heart sinks at the all-too familiar name, pace slowing. 

Iain grins, clapping the boy on the shoulders. 

Well, he’s not really a boy anymore. Not that bulky quarterback you’d known at 16, but properly a man. A grown adult, one who probably doesn’t still eat corn dogs while drunk, only to throw it all up again less than an hour later. Probably. 

Iain introduces you and Elli, introducing Marcus to the two of you. Marcus gives Elli a warm smile, reaching out to shake her hand, the smile falling when his eyes reach you. 

His hand lingers awkwardly in the air for a minute before he lets it fall to rest on the table. His eyes flicker to Madison and James, coughing awkwardly and shifting as he does.

Madison, with evermore grace than her boyfriend could muster, gives you a kind, if not disbelieving, smile. “Hey stranger.” 

Elli looks from you to them and back to you again. 

“You guys know each other?” 

“We went to high school together.” Madison responds, clasping her hands together. “And she dated James’s little brother.” She says, gesturing to the man next to you.

“No shit, you lived in New Orleans? When?” Iain asks. 

“Um, for just a year. Ten months actually. My junior year.” 

Elli bumps your elbow. “Why didn’t you ever tell me this?” 

You glance at her. “Um, if I’m honest El- it wasn’t a great year for me. I wouldn’t exactly call it a good time in my life.” 

James scoffs at that, rolling his eyes. “Please.” He mutters under his breath. 

“It- it wasn’t, James!” 

He shakes his head. “You had my little brother wrapped around your finger. He would’ve gone anywhere, done anything, for you. And you broke his heart and then disappeared. Don’t fucking sit here and say it wasn’t a good year for you. You had everything.”

Bewilderment floods your body at James hostility. 

You knew the risk of seeing these people again by coming back here, but you never thought that you’d be met by such hatred in James. 

It had been nearly a decade after all. A painful decade, but a decade nonetheless. 

“Wha- I was miserable! I was completely and utterly miserable in a way that- that no one knew about!” 

He scoffs again. “Give me a break! You- you had everything you could ever want. You lived in a stunning home in the Lower Garden District, you had all the friends in the world, a boyfriend who loved you more than anything, a Mom who let you go anywhere and do anything you wanted-“ 

“That’s not true!” You nearly shout, catching the attention of nearby tables. You flush, skin prickling at his misconceptions of your life. You take a breath, forcing yourself to remember where you are. “That’s not true, James. You have no idea about what was going on in the behind the scenes of my life.” 

“I know my brother almost gave up the Naval Academy for you.” 

You falter, mouth suddenly dry. “What- he got in? I thought- he told me-”

“Yeah, well he lied.” 

“James.” Madison admonishes quietly under her breath as Josh approaches the group. “You know we’re not supposed to bring that up-“ 

“Hey- hey, is everything okay?” He says, taking in the tension at the table. 

“Yeah, I’m- It’s fine.” You say to the lanky man. “I- These are some friends of mine from when I went to high school here. I just- We had a falling out before I left so I guess this is- this is ten years of drama catching up to me. But we’re here for Iain, so- so that’s bigger than this. I’ll squash it, I’m sorry.” 

Iain waves a hand. “It’s no worries. No worse than anything you and Lia used to put me through at work, right?” 

The half hearted attempt at a joke pulls a weak laugh from you, Elli’s more genuine. 

“So um- how do you guys-“ Marcus begins to ask but the screeching of James’s chair stops him. You all watch James stalk off, muttering under his breath as he goes. “Should we-“ Marcus begins to ask his- his wife, you finally having noted the rings on their fingers. 

Madison shakes her head. “Let him go. He can walk back to the Machado’s for all I care.” 

Your heart clenches at the name as you take one of the empty seats at the table. 

Marcus laughs. “Fair enough. Maybe he’ll find ration along the way.” 

“Now that’s just hoping for too much.” 

-

September 2010

The sound of the band greets you as you slide out of the front seat of the car, bidding your Mom goodbye. 

Growing up in California, where high school sports and particularly football, was an afterthought, nothing could’ve prepared you for the massive crowd you find yourself trying to weave through. 

“Hey new girl!” You startle at the feel of someone’s hand on your shoulders, glancing up to see Javy’s childhood best friend Kai. 

“Fuck, you scared me.” 

He gives you a smile, a bit sympathetic and teasing. “Sorry. You just looked a bit overwhelmed.” 

“I feel overwhelmed.” You say back, having to raise your voice as a group of rowdy college-age boys pass you. 

“Not your scene?” 

“You have no idea.” 

His sympathetic smile turns more genuine. “Fuck, yeah Javy mentioned you guys didn’t really do football where you’re from.” You shake your head as he begins to steer you through the crowd. “I’m under strict instructions to make sure you get to the student section and into Madi’s care before I take off. I’d sit with you guys but since it’s my school that’s playing y’all, it feels a bit too treasonous.” 

He walks you down the steps of the bleachers before a girl’s head pops up over the crowd, waving you both over. “Hey Kai.” 

“Madison. Marianne.” Kai greets Marcus’s girlfriend and her twin sister. “Alright, you’ve been safely delivered to your seat, give me a five-star rating when Javy asks later. I’m off.” 

You bid the boy goodbye as you squeeze in next to Madison. “Is it always like this?”

“Like what?” She asks as a kid from your Math class squeezes past the two of you and down the row to his friends. 

“Like… this.” You say, gesturing to the environment around you. “Loud. Chaotic. I’m pretty sure I saw a tailgate in the parking lot.” 

She snorts. “Shit, yeah. Maybe not this big, since this is the first game of the season, but this is just normal Fridays for us. I do remember Marcus had said you didn’t really know football.”

Marianne turns her head. “Have you ever even been to a game?” 

“Twice at my old school, but I was only going because I had a crush on one of the JV players and then he got taken out mid-season because of an injury so that was the end of that. I think maybe I went to a Chargers game growing up, but we definitely didn’t even stay through the whole thing.” 

Marianne snorts. “So you’ve got your work cut out for you sis.” 

Madison groans. “Javy so owes me.” 

-

You laugh as you watch Madison and her sister push through the crowd, off to greet their friends on the field in the light of the school’s big win. The crowd around you chatters, either headed for the parking lot or down to the field, off to see their friends or kids. 

“Um, excuse me.” You say to a passing parent, who turns. “Do you happen to have the time? I don’t have a watch or anything on me.” 

He nods. “Uh, yeah. It’s uh…” He trails off, glancing at his wrist. “10:36.” 

Fuck.

“Thanks.” You say, forcing a smile to the man as you immediately turn for the exit. 

Fuck. 

You’d assured your Mom the game would be over by 10, as that’s the latest she’d pick you up for her to even let you go to the game tonight, but between the school’s lengthy halftime and the overtime the game went into, it was well past the time you thought you’d be finished. You could already hear the lecture about the disrespect of her time. 

“Hey- hey!” 

You turn, catching sight of Javy jogging towards the chain link fence separating the bleachers and the field. He’s carrying his helmet in one hand, dirt smeared over the back of his jersey from when he’d gone down in the third quarter. 

“Where you off to?” 

“Home?” 

“Well, some of us are gonna get food or something, celebrate the big win. You wanna come with? I’ll drive.” 

“Ah…” Your stomach drops as you walk closer to him. “No, I can’t. I’m so sorry. My Mom’s already waiting for me and I know she’s gonna be pissed that the game got over late. And she’s really weird about letting me hang out with people she doesn’t know, tonight is not the night to test my luck.” 

He frowns. “Well… damn. Okay. I don’t want you to get in trouble. You wanna come over tomorrow or Sunday and work on French?” 

“Um, maybe? Look, can I just- like call you tomorrow morning, or something? I really do need to leave, she’s got this big thing about waiting around for me.” 

He nods. “Yeah, no. I get it. Call me when you get a chance. Thanks for coming to the game. It means a lot.” 

You nod before he throws a hand up in departure, turning around to jog back to his friends, who were watching from the 50 yard line. 

As you trudged back up the stairs of the bleachers, you couldn’t help the disappointment in your gut that you’d moved your whole life to a new city just for nothing to really change at all. 

-

“Game so terrible you had to resort to leaving without saying goodbye?” 

You shut your locker, turning to face Marcus and Javy. 

Javy groans. “Marcus please.” 

“It wasn’t bad, I just had to get home.” 

“Was your Mom pissed?” Javy asks. 

“Yeah, a little.” You admit. 

“Shit, I’m sorry.” 

You shrug. “What can you do?” 

“So you wanna come to the away game on Friday? Mari and Madi are carpooling with Indi, that girl from my English class. Extra seat in the car with your name on it.” Marcus offers. 

“I don’t know. I’d have to talk to my Mom. She’s got this thing about me being out with people doesn’t know.” You say as the three of you turn to walk down the hallway. 

“Shit, you’ve got one of those helicopter parents?” 

“You have no idea.” 

“Why don’t you just sneak out?” 

“First of all, I already tried that this summer and I got caught and grounded for two months. I don’t wish to repeat it. Second of all, she already thinks I’m up to a bunch of shady shit behind her back, like drugs and shit, so I’m not trying to give her more ammo.” 

“Are you?” Marcus asks. “Up to a bunch of shady shit? Drugs and shit?” 

You and Javy both give the boy a look. 

“No. And considering I don’t do pot, which is what everyone at my old high school did, she should count herself lucky the worst I did was sneak out to go dancing in the French Quarter.” 

Marcus snorts. “Well, this is me. See y’all in study period.” 

You bid Marcus goodbye as he disappears into his Math classroom and you and Javy turn to walk up the stairs. 

“You okay?” You ask Javy, as you squeeze past a group of freshmen. “You just let me have a whole conversation with Marcus without any input from you.” 

He shakes his head. “Nah, I’m fine. Didn’t sleep good last night. My Dad came home from his work trip and it always makes the vibe in the house tense.” 

“I’m sorry.” You say, ducking into the French classroom. 

He shrugs. “It’s better now that James is at school, the fighting is way less. But still weird.” Your backpacks drop onto your table, the French teacher chattering away at Marianne in rapid fire French you can’t follow. 

You frown as Javy scribbles the date onto his notebook. “Well- since you guys had morning practice today, wanna come over and go in the pool and then work on our French project? Assuming you want to be my partner for this.” You say, jutting your head out towards the instructions on the whiteboard. 

He smiles, knocking your shoulder. “You know it.” 

-

December 2021

“I have something I need to tell you. And you’re not going to like it.” 

His neck nearly cracks with how fast it flies up, his brother suddenly standing in the kitchen. 

“What- where the hell did you come from? I thought you were crashing at Marcus and Mads tonight after the gig.” 

His brother’s chest is heaving, like he- 

“Did you walk here?” 

“Javy, Javy- I gotta tell you something.” 

“We can-“ Bradley mumbles, nudging his godfather. They both move from the dining table, making to stand. He waves them off, approaching his brother. 

“What the hell is going on James?” 

“I- I saw your ex-girlfriend while out tonight.” 

He frowns, confusion tugging at his chest. “Which one? I’ve- I’ve dated my fair share of girls throughout my life James.” 

“Which one do you think?” 

“Well, it’s either Amber-” His brother cringes at the mention of his ex-fiancée, shaking his head. “Or-“ 

He pauses. 

“You- No way. No way you actually saw her.” 

He now understands why James is breathing like his chest caved in because that’s what his feels like, stumbling back and dropping stupidly into one of the dining room chairs. 

“Javy? You okay?” Pete asks softly. 

“I-“ He shakes his head, more in an effort to clear the confusion and guilt clouding his brain than anything. “I dated this girl for a year in high school. She wasn’t local to around here, she- her Mom moved her here her junior year. My senior year. I- I was desperately in love with her and she- she broke up with me pretty suddenly towards the end of the year. I didn’t see much of her around after that and I found out after I got home from my first semester at the Naval Academy that she- she had basically all but disappeared. Her and her Mom sold the house pretty suddenly and- and you said you saw her? Are you sure?” 

James nods, taking the seat next to him. “Yeah, I- I feel a bit bad. I laid into her, hard and fast. I told her about how you nearly gave up the Naval Academy for her.”

He meets his brother’s eyes. “James!”

His brother groans, rolling his shoulders. “I’m sorry Javy, you just- you just should’ve seen the look of bewilderment on her friend’s faces. They had no idea she lived here or had a life here, and she was being so snotty, saying she was miserable and that you didn’t really love her- I couldn’t take it!” 

His breath becomes shallow at the way his chest constricts. “She- she said that?” 

James just nods. Pete lets out a soft groan, reaching out to squeeze his forearm. “I’m sorry, Javy.” 

“All these years- I felt so bad about the way things ended.” He admits softly. “Guilty, even.”

“How come?” Bradley asks. “Why the guilt?” 

He shrugs. “She never let on, never said a word to me, but her home life was-” He lets out a whistle. “Rocky at best, abusive at worst. She wouldn’t say cause I- I don’t think she wanted me to know. But when the abuse runs that deep, the cracks start to show. And I- I just- all these years thought maybe I could’ve done more for her. Like- like she disappeared and no one knew where she went. And I just-”

“Worried.” Pete finishes. “But Javy, you couldn’t have saved her from that. Especially if it’s like it sounds to me, that her Mom had a lot of that control, you couldn’t have saved her from that.” 

He shakes his head, eyes unseeing. “Maybe. But I could’ve at least tried.”

-

“Dude, Jesus. It’s too early for that.” 

Javy runs a hand over his face, pushing himself off of the chair he’d been leaning on as he peered over Bradley’s shoulder. 

“Where did you even get that stuff?” 

He shrugs, gently flipping a page. “Asked your Mom before she left to go to work.” He looks at the beverage Javy hands him as he moves to sit down across from him at the table. “Dude, beer for breakfast? Are we college frat bros now or something?” 

Javy spread his arms as if to say And yet- and well, Bradley concedes that to him with a tip of his beer before taking a swig and flipping another page. 

They sit in a not-uncomfortable silence for a while, Javy taking long drags of his beer as if the bottom of the bottle might hold the key to ending what Bradley can only assume has haunted him since James came back from the bar last night. 

He passed through the pages, images of Javy’s childhood lining every one. 

He’s watching one of his best friends grow up before his eyes. Literally. 

Javy finally finishes his beer, and unsatisfied with whatever he found, reaches over for Bradley’s mostly untouched one. 

“Why’d you get those out Bradshaw?” Javy asks with a resigned sigh. 

“Is it weird to you?” Bradley asks, after one final glance over the page. “How our parents knew each other and yet-”

His friend sighs. 

The Machados had known Goose and Carole Bradshaw — intimately. Javy had always heard about their boy Bradley and how proud they had been of him. How much Carole had cherished him when Nick passed. 

When Carole had passed and Bradley had left, their families lost contact and it would be a few years before Javy and Bradley would finally meet, not as Javy Machado and Bradley Bradshaw and not as their parents kids. 

But as hungry, cocky Top Gun pilots Coyote and Rooster. 

“You want me to talk about her.” Javy says, setting the bottle down on the table. “This ain’t about our parents, Bradshaw. You didn’t take a trip down my memory lane to learn more about my childhood. You want to know about her.” 

Bradley stares down at the Christmas pictures that look back up at him. 

A teenage version of his friend, matching ugly Christmas sweater to the young girl next to him. Javy’s got his arm wrapped about this young girl as they both smile at the camera, hers not quite reaching her eyes. 

“Do you miss her?” 

Javy huffs a bitter laugh. “You even need to ask?” 

He looks up to meet Javy’s eye. “You tell me.”

Javy sighs. “Yeah, Bradley. I miss her. I’ve missed her every day since she’s left and I’ve looked for her in every corner of the world. Every deployment, every new port, every new assignment, I’ve looked. And when James came home last night and said he saw her out, it- none of it mattered to me what she said to him. All I could think of was that I’ve spent ten years searching for her and here she is, somehow back in my own city.” 

He looks back down to the picture, eyes now focused on the younger version of his friend. The little she’s shared to him about her high school years, what her parents put her through. The year that brought her to New Orleans and gave her so much; the year that also took too much. The boy she used to love, the one she left behind. 

That boy is sitting across from him, drowning his melancholic longing in cheap beer. 

His mind begins to move. 

-

September 2010

“So, do you wanna come over on Saturday? Snacks and Remember the Titans showing on me.” 

You sigh, shutting your locker as you follow Javy towards the exit of the building. “As much as I’d like to, I have something planned.” 

“Oh yeah? Anything good?” 

“Uh, well, I guess it depends. I’m going on a date.” 

“With who?” Javy asks, stopping abruptly. 

“Uh, do you know Frank Betterson? He’s in my APES class.” 

“Wha- He’s a senior.” 

You frown at Javy’s suddenly hostile tone. “Last time I checked, so are you.” 

Javy huffs, readjusting his grip on his backpack. “So- Well- Well, I’m pretty sure he’s a homophobic racist.” 

You squint at your friend. “What are you talking about?” 

“I don’t think you should go out with him. He’s bad news. Plus, how long have you known the guy really? Six weeks?” 

You cross your arms. “That’s just about how long I’ve known you.” 

“Yeah, but that’s- different.” 

You turn, walking away from Javy and back towards the exit of the school. 

“Oh, c’mon, hey, where are you going?” 

You pad down the stairs, catching the attention of Marcus, who raises a hand in greeting as he chats with his girlfriend and a few of he and Javy’s other friends. You move past the group, walking down towards the street to walk home. 

“Hey!” 

Javy tugs on your arm, turning you to face him. You pull it out of his grip, stepping back. “Back off Machado.” 

“Where are you going? I was supposed to drive you home, remember?” 

“I’ll walk.” You snap, moving to walk past him again.  

“Really? All this because I have opinions about who you’re going on a date with?” 

“Why should you get opinions on who I go on dates with? You’re not my mother.” 

“Yeah, and she’s cool with you spending a Saturday night with a boy she doesn’t know and has never met? Cause unless you have suddenly brought Frank Betterson home and I don’t know about it-”

“She’s going out of town. Derek has a gig in Chicago this weekend and she’s going with him.” 

“So, if I hadn’t asked, you’d have just gone on this date and no one would've known where you were? Do you know how unsafe that is?” 

You wave a hand. “Disregarding the fact that you’re way out of line for thinking you need to know where I am at all times-”

“That’s not what I said-”

“Why do you care so much? He’s a nice enough guy, who’s decently attractive, who wants to go on a date with me. I- I don’t know if you’ve noticed Javy, but the Homecoming dance is coming up next week and I don’t exactly have guys lining up to take me. Why can’t you just be happy for me? Why can’t you just say ‘That’s great. I hope you have a great time. Call me on Sunday and let me know how it goes.’ Why can’t you manage that Javy?” 

Javy gapes at you, mouth opening and closing a few times as Marcus approaches, the rest of the group trailing behind him. 

“I think it’s great you have a date.” He says weakly. “Call me on Sunday and let me know how it goes. Can I please still drive you home?” 

You shake your head. “Nah. I’m sure Marcus would love to hear all your opinions about my date though.” 

Javy just sighs as you walk down the street.

-

Your skin feels hot, embarrassment and panic flooding through your body as the payphone rings, calling the only Louisiana number you have memorized. 

Thank God you’d remembered your wallet, just on the off-chance Frank Betterson was one of those assholes who didn’t pay on the first date. 

Turns out, he was an asshole, just not the kind who didn’t pay. 

“Machado residence.” 

Your heart sinks even further at Javy’s voice over the line. 

“Uh- hey, Javy, is your Mom around?” 

“No, she’s out of town this weekend visiting my Aunt in Virginia.”

“Damn- okay. I kind of needed a trusted adult, but I’ll- I’ll figure it out.” You say, trying to perk your voice up through the disappointment and sheer panic you feel doused in. 

You know you’ve missed nonchalant by several miles when Javy’s voice goes firm, asking “Is everything okay?” 

You sigh. “I- no. No. I-” Your panic starts to overwhelm you as tears start to sting at your eyes, making it suddenly difficult to talk. “No, Frank- Frank left me in this neighborhood and I don’t know where I am and- it’s starting to get really dark and there were already some sketchy guys eyeing me a few blocks over and I-” Your breath hitches. “I am really scared, Javy.” 

“Okay. Okay.” Javy soothes, voice calm. “Okay, I will come find you. Are there any street signs, any identifying landmarks?”

“Uh, I- I don’t know. I’m standing in the parking lot of some 7/11.” 

He pauses. “Is there a rundown white house across the street with a shed in the front that looks like it’s one good rainfall away from caving in?” 

You swallow, looking up at the house in front of you. “Yeah.” 

“Okay, I know exactly where you are. I’m coming to get you right now. It shouldn’t take me more than 20 minutes, but I’ll try to make it less than that. Do not move, do you understand me?” 

You sniff, nodding. “Okay.” 

The next 20 minutes drags on for what feels like an hour but eventually, the headlights of Javy’s inherited truck turn down the pot-filled road. He brings the car to a slow stop and you’re quick to throw the passenger side door open and climb in. 

You sniffle again, pulling your seatbelt on. “Thanks.” 

“Of course.” He says softly. “Are you okay? Did you eat? We can stop and get food or something.” 

You shake your head. “No, it’s fine. I don’t want to take up any more of your time.” 

“You- you’re not. I was just sitting at home.” You don’t respond and after a few minutes, he pulls out of the parking lot. The jazz music softly croons through the radio as the two of you glide through the night streets of New Orleans. “What even happened?” 

“He- I thought he was gonna take me home after dinner but he- he kept driving. We ended up out here and he told me that- that if I wanted a ride home, he needed a kiss. And I- I’ve never kissed anyone before.” You say softly, embarrassment prickling. “And I didn’t- I didn’t want to kiss him, not then at least, not like that, and he told me if I wouldn’t do it, I could find my own way home. He kicked me out next to the alleyway by some bar around here and I- I was standing there, but there were some guys standing outside the bar that were giving me the heebie jeebies. So- So I decided to walk and try and see if I could find my way, but I ended up getting even more lost, and eventually found that pay phone. Your- your house number is the only Louisiana number I have memorized.” 

“Son of a bitch.” Javy mutters. 

“You can tell me I told you so.” 

He glances at you, taking in the defeated way you’re slumped against the seat. “I’m not going to do that. You’ve been through enough tonight at least. That neighborhood isn’t far from where I grew up before Katrina. It’s not the greatest, so I’m glad you called me. And I’m glad you’re safe.” 

You don’t say anything, leaning your head against the window. 

“Do you wanna sleep at my house tonight? I’ve got the place to myself, if you don’t want to be alone. We can stop at your house and pick up clothes and stuff.”

You look over at him. “Yeah. I’d like that.” 

-

“Thanks for last night Javy.” 

The two of you had gone to his house, where he’d fed you day-old almond croissants from the bakery and cold pizza, watching Scooby-Doo re-runs until the two of you fell asleep under the glow of the TV light. 

He waves a hand as he parks the car in front of your Mom’s. “Always, you know that.” 

“I mean it, really. Especially cause I know I had just gotten done yelling at you.” 

He shrugs. “Maybe I deserved it.” 

“Even though you ended up being right?” He shrugs again, but doesn’t say anything more. You sigh. “Well, thanks again. I owe you. See you Monday. Or, well, tomorrow I guess.” 

You climb out of the car and shut the door, turning to walk up the pathway towards the front door. You’re pulling your keys out of the Saints hoodie that had become yours when the front door of the truck slams. You turn, catching Javy round the vehicle and walk towards you. 

“Everything okay?” 

He sighs. “I’m sorry.” 

You frown. “You’re sorry?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry. You had every right to get mad at me. I was being a dick.” 

“Javy, I mean- clearly you ended up being right-” 

He sighs, taking another step closer to you. “Well, yeah, and I don’t love that. But I didn’t say all those things cause I really thought he’d sink that low. Betterson is an ass, sure, but I never thought he’d get to that level. I- I only said that stuff cause I was- I was jealous.” 

You stare at him, dumbfounded. 

“What?” 

He swallows. “I- I was jealous. I- I’d been planning to ask you to the dance. When you said a bunch of guys weren’t lining up to take you, I- I wanted to tell you that I was. But- but we’re friends and I like being friends with you and I didn’t know what you’d say if I asked and- and I said all that stuff cause I panicked that I had lost my shot. And I know it’s probably not that great to hear this on the heels of what went down last night, so I’m not- I’m not expecting anything here. I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I was out of line and I won’t- I won’t do it again.” 

You stare at him for a few minutes, the silence stretching between the two of you. “So- are you asking?” 

Now it’s his turn to stare at you. 

“What?” 

“The dance. Are you- is this you asking me to the dance?” 

“God no- I’d do it way better first of all, flowers at the very least-” 

“Cause I’d say yes.” 

“What?” 

“If you were asking me to the dance, I’d say yes. But since you’re not-” 

“No! No. I- Do you wanna go to the dance with me?” 

You give him a small smile. “Yeah. I’d like nothing more actually.” 

He gives you a shy smile in return. “Great. I’ll drive.” 

-

December 2021

The market bustles around you, the live music floating out through the air. The chill of the winter air is abated by the mass of people around you and the warm cheer in patrons and vendors alike. 

“Find anything good?” You muse, approaching Elli as she stands at a table. 

The glass of wine she’d had before leaving the hotel paints her cheeks red as she grins at you. “So much. I got this painting I’m going to hang in Josh and I’s apartment.” She says, showing you a peek inside the brown paper bag. It’s a small canvas, hand painted with a street view of Bourbon at night. 

“Love.” 

“Yeah, and I got Josh’s Mom this handwoven watch band cause she’s worn hers to a threadbare, but she’ll never replace it. And I got Josh’s Dad this custom made New Orleans pin.” You hum as Elli lifts two pairs of earrings from the table. “And I need help deciding which ones of these I should get.” 

You look at the earrings, one silver intertwined with emerald, the other gold with amethyst stones, as she turns them in the streetlight. 

“Silver. Definitely silver. They suit your face shape more and the green matches your eyes.” 

She hugs, setting the gold down. “Yeah, I agree. Hey, have you seen Josh? I feel like we should tell Iain bye before we head to our dinner reservation.”

“No, I haven’t- Whoa-”

“Jesus-”

You cling to Elli’s lanky figure as another body stumbles into you. You turn, already hearing apologies stream from the probably too-drunk man’s mouth. 

“-I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to push you at all-”

The man’s hands, which he’d put out as he’d stumbled into you to avoid bumping the table, freeze on your shoulder. 

Your breath catches. 

“I am- I am so sorry.” Javy says, his hand flexing as it travels down your bicep. “I really didn’t mean to push you- I-”

You swallow. “I- It’s okay.” 

Your eyes flicker down to his hand, which prompts him to glance down. He swallows, letting his hand fall. 

“I- Sorry, again. I had no idea you were standing right there, my friend pushed me-” Javy turns, pointing to the vacant spot behind him. He gapes, eyes flying up and searching the bustling market. “Where- where the hell did he go?” 

Worry flickers in your gut. “Javy, are you okay?” 

He looks down at you. “I- I mean aside, from seeing you again, I- yeah. I swear he was right here.” 

Your heart clenches at his comment. “I- sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean to crash your night. Um, we’ll go. Elli, let’s go find Josh-” 

“No! No- no, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighs. “I- sorry. Can we start over?” 

Probably about ten years too late for that, you want to say. 

“Um, hi.” Elli says, Javy startling like it’s the first time he’s realized she’s been standing there. 

“Where are my manners? Hi, I’m Javy.” He says, extending a hand as a smile returns his face. 

“I’m Elli. Uh, Javy as in… Javy the ex-boyfriend? The one whose brother yelled at you last night? What was his name?” 

Javy’s face pinches. “James. I am so sorry about him.” 

The three of you stand there in awkward silence for a minute before Elli looks down at the earrings still in her hand. 

“Well, why don’t I finish paying for these and then we can go see if we can find Josh, or your- friend.” 

Javy lets out a half-laugh. “I promise he’s real.” 

“Yet to be seen.” She comments, turning to the vendor. 

Javy sticks his hands into the pockets of his jacket, turning to you. 

It’s the first time you get to take him in. 

The last ten years had been kind to him, his shoulders and arms even more defined and filled out then when he’d been playing football and working Saturday afternoons at his Mom’s bakery. His charming smile is still the same, and it seems his easy-going sense of style has remained. 

The piercings are new.

“You look good.” He breaths. “If you don’t mind me saying.” 

You feel your neck flush. “So do you.” 

“So- what have you been up to?” 

Elli stands from the table, thanking the vendor. “Let’s go find my boyfriend, shall we?” 

Javy clears his throat, nodding. “Yeah. For sure.” 

“So, uh, Javy, tell me about yourself. Since I didn’t know you existed until 24 hours ago.” 

“Elli.” You warn under your breath, shooting the girl a look. 

“Oh, please, just a little?” She asks, eyes alight. 

“Ah, as much as I’d love to-” He breaks off, reaching a cluster of tables in the back. “Bradshaw!”

The brunette winces as Javy’s hand smacks the back of his head. “What the hell Machado?”

“What the hell to you, Bradshaw? You just going around pushing people now?”

Bradley’s eyes flicker over his friend’s shoulder, grinning as he stands up from his chair. “Well- I’ll be.”

Bradley’s arms engulf you in a tight hug. You wrap your arms around his broad frame, confusion flooding your body. 

He pulls away but remains close, hands on your shoulders. “What the hell are you doing here kid? What a small world huh?” 

You frown, confusion growing. “What are you talking about? I told you I’d be in New Orleans for Christmas.” 

He mirrors your frown. “You did? When?” 

“Like, two months ago.” 

A groan leaves his lips. “Ugh, you must’ve told me while I was training for the detachment. Between that and the concussion, some of the small things have slipped.” 

You cock your head. 

You’d known Bradley Bradshaw for nearly three years now. You’d moved into the rundown house next to the Bradshaw home in the Rolando Village just two months after your graduation from your master’s program. He’d been on leave, having just returned home from deployment, and having seen you struggling to move your desk out of the back of your car, came over. Although you insisted to him you could do it yourself, he’d pulled off his gardening gloves and helped you carry the rest of your furniture and boxes. 

You’d returned to his house three days later, once you’d finally unearthed your measuring cups and baking dishes from where they had been thrown in with your clothes and American Girl dolls, to bring him the homemade snickerdoodles you were known for. 

Claiming he’d hadn’t ones that good since his Mom passed, he’d invited you in and the next thing you knew, it was two in the morning and you had become fast friends.

You knew Bradley. 

You picked up his mail and packages while he was on deployment. Tended the garden Carole Bradshaw had once been so proud of, and always made sure he had a home-cooked meal when he came home from wherever in the world the Navy had sent him. 

He sent you postcards from wherever he was stationed for your card wall in the office. When he was home, he’d bring you pins from the places he’d traveled to. He’d been there when your landlord offered to sell the house to you, fulfilling your dream of owning your own property. He’d taken to fixing things around the house whenever he was stateside since then and brought you a bottle of wine and balloons to celebrate closing. 

He’d told you about his parents and Pete and his papers. In exchange, you’d told him about New Orleans and your Mom and Javy. 

You two were good friends, and you both were probably the other’s most stable friendship. You felt you’d learned a good deal about Bradley Bradshaw over the last few years. Learned his ticks, his quirks, his hot takes and gimmicks. 

And in all the years you’d known Bradley, you’d never known him to forget something. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Bradley asks, laughing a little. “You look like I grew two heads or something.” 

“I’ve never known you to forget anything. Ever.” You say, dropping your arms from his frame. “You are one of the most detail-oriented people I’ve ever met, and you remember everything that’s ever come out of my mouth, down to that one time two years ago I had told you I had put surfing on my bucket list. What the hell do you mean you don’t remember me telling you I was coming to New Orleans? I told you twice.” 

He sighs. “Kid, the last few months have been chaotic, with the detachment and the concussion and moving my life back to San Diego permanently. I must’ve- I must’ve just forgot. I’m sorry.” 

“Uh huh.” You click your tongue. “Just like you forgot to tell me you’d be in New Orleans for the holidays with your estranged godfather?” 

Bradley’s eyes fly to Pete. “I- uh-” 

“Bradley’s Dad and mine used to serve together.” Javy says quietly, cutting through the tension. “And Bradley and I served together under Pete on that- on that detachment he’s talking about. So they came out with me for the holidays since we got some time off from the Navy until the New Year- You remember how my Mom mentioned Carole and their boy Bradley? Your first time at the bakery?” 

You falter, turning to Javy. “Wait- Really? Their boy Bradley is- is that Bradley?” 

Javy nods. “Blew my mind too. Mom finally got ahold of one of Nick’s friends not long after I graduated. I guess Nick passed away some time before that and then-”

“And then Carole passed away.” 

“Yeah.” He nods. “Bradley was already in his like, junior year, at UVA by the time Mom got in touch with Ron. But I mean- Can you believe it? Bradley and I served so many deployments together with our friend Nat and I never- never had any idea. Not until Pete made the connection for us a few weeks back.” 

“Hey.” You startle at the sound of Josh’s voice. “I was looking for you guys! I swore I saw Elli at that jewelers table and then I turned around, talking to the guy selling those hand carved frames — super cool shit by the way — and you were gone! Do- What- Why are you guys all the way back here?” 

Elli turns to her partner, a bewildered grin on her face. “Josh, you’ll never believe it. This is Javy. And apparently, that’s Bradley. Bradley’s- well, I don’t know how the hell she knows Bradley. Javy’s the-”

“The ex-boyfriend. No shit! How do we keep running into so many people you know? What are the odds?”

Elli laughs. “You know what? Yeah. I was willing to let last night be a freak coincidence but with the some few hundred thousand people who live here, I’m starting to feel like maybe there’s some higher power or something conspiring against you.” 

Your eyes flicker back to Bradley, who’s quick to look away. 

“Right.” 

-

October 2010

“You want a sip?” 

You glance down as Marcus sticks the flask across the center console, Javy’s hand reaching back and grabbing it. 

“First of all, stop trying to get my date drunk. Second of all, what have I said about bringing alcohol into my car?” 

“To not to.” Marcus mutters, slumping back in his seat. 

“I wouldn’t drink it anyway. I think after my short-lived beer venture, I’m good.”

Javy smirks at the memory of his birthday, when they’d corralled you into trying beer for the first time, only for you to gag and say it tasted like wheat and sadness. 

Javy sniffs the flask before screwing it shut and sticking it in the console. “It’ll taste like gasoline and sadness, if I’m right that this is the cheap shit he put in here.” He cranes his neck back once the three of you arrive at a stop light, nearing the school. “I want you to know I’m gonna dump it when we get there.” 

“Javy, why do you have to waste my alcohol?” Marcus groans. “My brother worked very hard to illicitly obtain that for me.” 

“Dixon isn’t 21 either, so I don’t want to know how he got it. And I don’t really give a fuck what poor choices you make, but you know I don’t want alcohol in here and to risk getting pulled over. And especially not while my date is with us.” 

“You’re such a Mom.” 

-

Javy sighs, unimpressed as Marcus leans over into a bush, his girlfriend rubbing a hand down his back sympathetically. 

“Can I leave him with you?” 

Madison nods. “Yeah, Mari drove and we have extended curfew. I’ll deal with… this.” 

Javy holds out a hand for you, and you take it, intertwining your fingers with his. 

“I seriously don’t understand him. He knows his limit, and that limit is zero, and yet he still does it.” 

You snort. “Well, your best friend is many things, but no one ever claimed one of those things was smart.” 

Javy lets out a laugh, tightening his grip on your hand as he does. “Oh that was fucking awesome. Oh, I am totally using that.” 

The car drive is quiet, comfortable, Javy reaching out to squeeze your knee at every stoplight as you do. He pulls up to the house, letting the car idle for a minute before shutting it off. 

The silence is comfortable, neither of you quite willing to move. 

“Thanks for coming with me.” He says with a sigh. 

“Thanks for asking me. And thanks for getting me a corsage. I’ve never had one before.” 

“Course.” He props his arm on the center console, shifting his body to face you. 

The tension in the car shifts, butterflies suddenly erupting in your stomach as the air feels electric. 

“Are you going to kiss me?” You ask softly. 

“If you want. If you’re okay with it.” He says, cupping your cheek. “I’m still going to ask you to be my girlfriend afterwards, regardless.” 

“Yeah?” You say, feeling your nerves travel up to your chest as his other hand slides across your knee. 

“Yeah. And I won’t kick you out of the car if you don’t want to.”

“I want you to.” 

He smiles. “You’re gonna have to breathe first.” 

That breaks a giggle out of you, disrupting some of your nerves, as you breathe. “Sorry, you make me nervous!” 

“Do I?” 

“Yeah, especially when you’re looking at me like that.” 

He hums. “Hm, good.” 

The kiss he presses to your lips is soft and sweet, everything you’d dreamed of for a first kiss. Your heart races at the feeling of his lips pressed against yours, so hard you think he might be able to feel it. 

You swallow hard when he pulls away, breathless once again. 

“Holy shit.” 

He smiles. “In a good way?” 

You sigh. “Yeah. Do it again.” 

He lets out a short laugh. “Just one.”  

This kiss is chaste, but no less relieving of your desire. He pulls away, smiling at you as he gives you a moment. 

“Still want to be my girlfriend?” 

“And get a lifetime of that? Yeah.”

He snorts. “Alright, well, I can manage that, I think. Come on, my girlfriend has a curfew she’s got to make.” 

Your fingers spend the rest of the night, ghosting over the edges of your lips, in pure disbelief that a guy like Javier Machado would want a girl like you. 

-

December 2021

The door to the upstairs balcony of the AirBnB you’re staying in opens, and you glance over your shoulder to catch sight of Elli. 

“Hey.” You greet as she steps out under the shelter from the New Orleans drizzle. 

“Morning.”

“Where’s Josh?”

“Out trying to find me a RedBull.”

You snort, setting your phone on the table as you grab your mug. “It baffles me you’ll drink RedBull but not coffee.”

“Coffee makes me all jittery but RedBull doesn’t have the same effect on me, I swear!” She claims, earning laughter from the both of you. 

You shake your head as she sits across from you. “Classic.”  

It’s quiet for a minute as you listen to the streets of the city just below. 

“Hey, there’s this good local market a couple blocks from here and I was thinking about going in a little bit. They have some really good ground coffee and tea, if you want to come with me?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You sigh. “Elli-” 

“No. Seriously, I’ve let you off the hook for two days now. We’ve been good friends for almost five years, and you’ve never once breathed a word about living here. About having a life here. I see the way you look at this place, the way you still know every street corner and local market place.”

“Elli-” You sigh, breaking off again. “Elli, I- it’s so hard to explain because so much of it has to do with my Mom.” 

“And I wouldn’t know what that’s like?” 

And there it is. 

The core of your friendship with the tall blonde sitting across from you. The girl who was also avoiding home for the holidays. The girl who has intimately understood your own family dynamics from the very beginning. 

You swallow. “Okay. Yeah, that’s fair. It’s just- painful. And I-” You glance out at the street, watching pedestrians dart in and out of the street cover. “And more than I’ve been afraid of that pain, I’ve been more scared to talk about it because of how desperately I wanted people to ask me about it. To ask me about him, and the nights we’d sit on someone’s rooftop and drink beers and how I went to bed missing him even when he smelled like cigarette smoke. I wanted people to ask me about the food I’d eat, and the friends I had, and my favorite place to get pastries. And if I told people about it, and they didn’t understand the pain, or they- they got too scared of the weight of the memories, if they didn’t ask me about it, I- I didn’t know if I could take it.” 

The door to the balcony opens, revealing Josh with a RedBull and an iced coffee in hand. “For my lady,” he says warmly, handing the RedBull to Elli. “And for my lady’s best lady friend.” 

You snort, taking the coffee from him. “Thanks Josh.” 

He waves you off, sitting down next to Elli. “Whatcha chatting about out here?” 

You share a look with Elli. 

You’d know Elli longer than she’d been with Josh, and had really gotten to see her blossom into this relationship. The way she was more settled, less frenetic, with him. The way all her daily anxieties and past trauma, not unlike your own, seemed to quiet with him around. They’d grown together in the last four years, seen multiple versions of the other, which meant Josh was no stranger to the family Elli came from. 

And while they’d usually spend the holidays with his, his parent’s anniversary trip to Spain had left him searching for other plans. And it wasn’t like seeing hers was an option. 

They all knew too well how’d that story end. 

So Josh knew your past too. He’d heard the bar conversations and dinners and girls nights where you and Elli had swapped stories, where she’d sympathize with you when you were undergoing what you had dubbed your “I Need A Mom But Not My Mom” moments. 

So if you were going to share this part of your past with Elli, it was only fair you share it with Josh too. 

“We’re talking about when I lived here.” 

Josh shifts. “Yeah?” 

You nod. “Yeah.” 

So you tell them. 

You tell them about how once your parents settled the custody agreement, your Mom had announced her departure to New Orleans to be closer to the boyfriend she’d picked up during the divorce. How you’d been so depressed and unhappy that your parents had agreed a fresh start would be good for you. A new school, new house, new friends. The newness could be just what you needed.

And maybe in theory it would’ve been. Maybe if what went on in your brain was a result of your educational environment and not a result of what went on at home. 

You tell them about the house in the Lower Garden District, the one you were never quite sure how you were affording and the one that never quite felt like a home. You tell them about the boy you met on the streets of New Orleans, of how’d you danced together under lights as his brother and cousins all watched. You tell them about how you’d fallen in love with him, of the amber eyes and the way the bakery lingered just right in the Saints hoodie. You tell them about Dia’s Goods, and how any afternoon could find you in their cafe, just hanging out with his Mom. 

You tell them about the football games and those backyard parties. The way Marcus had made everyone go on a gator tour for his birthday, and Javy’s childhood best friend Kai had gotten so scared he’d peed his pants. 

And you tell them that without your Dad around to keep her in check, your Mom got meaner, less present, more selfish. How the closer you got to the Machados, the more flighty and rash she got. 

You tell them about your own brain, how unkind it was to you. How the thoughts about how better off they’d all be without you around got loud. The way you were so afraid of losing Javy that you’d convinced yourself he’d leave you anyways. 

You tell them about how you ended it with him when your Mom decided to leave New Orleans for good. About how you were so scared to ask for help that you’d suffocated in your home and brain to let him be. 

“So why not come back for college?” 

You sigh, shrugging. “I floated the idea of applying to Tulane once. Before we moved. My Mom lost her mind. I think it was the catalyst for us moving back.” 

She screws her face together, clearly struggling to follow the reasoning behind that decision. “Because what? You casually thought about applying to college here? God forbid.” 

You shrug again, reaching up to tug at the drawstrings of your hoodie as you avoid her eyes. “I was too comfortable here. If I was comfortable, if I was spending all this time at other’s people’s houses and learning to confide in them, what was I repeating about my home life? What narrative had I spun that she couldn’t control?” You work around the lump in your throat before being able to continue. “And I guess I could’ve really done whatever I wanted when I was 18, but I was so sick with grief for this place and those people that the thought of coming back once I left felt too hard. I spent years in the intermountain west trying to relieve it and another few years back in California trying to bury it.” 

A beat passes as your friends look on, unable to save you from the grey misery of your history. 

“I have so much regret.” You whisper. “And I don’t- I’ve never been able to figure out if I regret letting my Mom have so much control I never asked for the help I needed or if I regret letting my fear win. I wonder if maybe I just really regret meeting him, letting myself fall in love with him. Maybe I regret ever moving here at all. Who would I have been if this place had never become such a haunted part of my past?”

-

July 2010

The first thing you notice about your new city is the oppressive humidity as you pull the door of the car open, unsticking your legs from the leather of your Mom’s rental car. 

You let out a soft expression of pain as the solid oak of the front door to your new home swings open, revealing your Mom’s boyfriend. 

“You’re finally here!” He shouts. “Come, come. Let me show you around the place!” 

-

You wince as the window screeches and you pause, waiting to see if the conversation downstairs stills. When the raucous music and laughter continues, the friends and family of your Mom’s boyfriend welcoming her to the city with food and conversation, you push the window up in one fell swoop and duck out onto the roof. 

You shuffle your feet, hunched over as you climb to the top of the roof before reaching out for the large oak tree that sits out front. 

“Ow.” You mutter as a branch thwaps your face on the way down, pausing for a second to make sure you’re actually on solid ground.  

Once you’re sure you’re clear, you begin to walk away, giddy joy thrumming through you. The joy begins to propel you, turning from a fast walk to a skip to a run as you weave your way through foreign streets, eventually catching a streetcar into the French Quarter. 

The music beckons you further into the bustling city, the lights gleaming above you. It’s all you can do to not bump into other locals and tourists alike in the streets as you walk, in awe of the good cheer around you. 

You pause, watching a group of bachelorettes dance in the street. 

“First time?” 

You startle a bit, turning to your right to see a boy who can’t be much older than you standing not too far behind you. 

“That obvious?” 

He grins. “All the tourists got the same look, you know.” 

“Well, I’d better get rid of that quick. Gotta start blending in if I’m not gonna be mistaken for a tourist.” 

He jerks his head to a pathway covered by ivy that leads off the main road of Bourbon Street. “C’mon, I’ll show you where the real party is at.” 

“You know, this is how girls end up killed or trafficked.” 

He turns to face you, walking backwards as he grins. “And yet — you’re still following me.” 

“Guess I want to know where the real party is at- ah,” You pause, realizing you don’t know his name. 

“Javy.” He offers and you give him your name in return. He smiles at it, testing the name out on his tongue, before turning around as the two of you emerge on to a street. He offers you his hand, fingers wiggling as they wait for yours. You take it, being tugged in close to him as he intertwined his fingers with your own. 

“So, mystery tourist, where are you from?”  He asks as he weaves the two of you around a large group of college kids. 

You laugh. “San Diego. And I’m, uh, not a tourist. I just moved here actually.” 

“No shit, really? How come?” 

“My Mom’s boyfriend is a performer. Musician if you will. Got offered a gig playing one of these jazz spots.” You say as you happen to pass one on the cobbled road. “Mom moved out here to be with him and I wanted — needed — a fresh start.” Javy suddenly takes a sharp turn and you falter. “Um, okay, I was willing to follow you because you seem like a nice guy but this is the second alley you’ve taken me down and I’m starting to get the feeling that-”

He cuts your sentence off with a squeeze of his hand. “You want a real taste of the nightlife here?” 

“Yeah, but not at the cost of my life, so-”

He finally tugs you into a clearing, the sounds of jazz music suddenly overwhelming the courtyard. A table in the far back erupts into cheers at the sight of him and Javy flashes you a grin before tugging you along under the soft glow of the lights above. 

“Javy! You’re late!” Javy grins as someone jostles his shoulders. 

“I know James, I know, but I got caught up.” 

The girl next to James raises her eyebrows. “A girl? Javier, you are a player.” 

He rolls his eyes. “Ha ha.” His hands slide down your back before traveling back up to rest on your shoulders. It takes everything in you to not lean into his touch. “This is James, my older brother. He’s a sophomore-“

“Going to be a junior!” 

Javy rolls his eyes again. “Whatever. He’s gonna be a junior at LeMoyne-Owen in Memphis. And this is my cousin Lilly, who’s studying computer science out at University of Arkansas.” Lilly waggles her fingers in greeting as Javy’s fingertips press into your shoulder blades. He leans down so you can better hear him as the group moves on. “Want to dance?”

-

The night is filled with dancing, a warm buzz underneath your skin fueled by Javy’s infectious laughter and electrifying touch. Over the music you learn he’s going to be a senior this year, is on the football team, and his Dad is a captain in the Navy. You learn that his favorite animal are penguins and his favorite color is emerald green. You learn he wants to become a Navy pilot like his Dad and that his favorite thing to do is cook a good meal. 

You learn that you could be one hundred percent, wholeheartedly, head over heels in love with the kind and safe human that is Javy Machado. 

It’s only as the later hours creep in, Javy having excused himself to the bathroom, that you chance a glance at your watch. 

You curse softly tugging a hand through the hair falling over your shoulder, as you scan the crowd for Javy. He still hasn’t returned and you know every minute you spend waiting for him, is another minute you’ll earn yourself in a lecture. 

You swallow around the lump in your throat, looking around for him, once, twice, thrice more before you slip back down the alleyway from which you came. 

-

December 2021

“Are you okay?” Elli asks as Josh gets up to go to the bathroom from the dinner table. “We’re at like, one of the busiest restaurants in all of New Orleans with some of the best live music I’ve heard in a long time, and you’ve said like two words all night.” 

Your throat suddenly goes dry as you attempt to find a way to answer her question, only distantly cataloguing that Iain is approaching the table. 

“Hey guys!” 

You work to swallow as Elli glances up at your longtime friend, her face lighting up. Iain glances at you, eyebrows quirking. 

“Hey- are you okay?” 

You wave a hand, trying not to cringe at the way your voice scratches. “Fine. Dehydrated, I think. I had hoped the humidity would be better.” 

He nods, a bit disbelieving, a testament to his perceptive nature. “Right. Well, hey, we go on in an hour or so, and I was wondering if you wanted to come meet my buddy who set me up with these gigs?” 

Elli nods, already rising from the table. “Of course! Josh is in the bathroom, so he can just come find us when he gets back out here.” 

“Perfect.” 

You follow Elli and Iain to a table closer to the stage, the two of them chatting about the flight and Iain’s gig at the night art market tomorrow and where you think you might have dinner on Christmas. 

“Marcus!” 

-

July 2010

“3:38 A.M.!” Your mother shrieks as she slams a cabinet and you sigh, rubbing your temple. “That’s how late you were out last night!” 

“Mom, let it go.” 

“No! I had told you that you could either stay in your room or spend time with us and you chose your room! I can not believe you snuck out!”

The irony is not lost on you that your mother is more concerned with the fact that you disobeyed her rather than your safety and having spent the evening with strangers. 

“Mom, we’re in a brand new city. I wanted to get out, explore a bit! You only spent the whole drive through Texas telling me about how I should make the most of the move!” 

“You know, you really oughta respect your mother, you know.” Your Mom’s boyfriend, Derek, chides and you frown. 

“Thanks for your input dipshit.”

“That’s enough.” Your mother snaps. “I hope you had a good night exploring the city because that’s the last you’ll see of it until school starts.” 

“What- Mom, school doesn’t start until August.” You groan. 

“Better get really comfortable in your room then.” 

-

The rest of your summer passes in a monotonous humid haze, with late night dips into the pool behind your house and hours spent staring up at a ceiling fan that did little to alleviate the humidity in a bare room. 

“Let’s go, we’re gonna be late!” You sigh as you tug on your shoes, hearing your Mom shout up the stairway. 

“Mom, I’m coming!” You shout back as you pull the backpack onto your shoulder, padding down the stairs. She’s rummaging in her bag, glancing up at you. 

“Good. By the way, I’m going to Derek’s show tonight to help him get set up so you’ll have to walk home.” You splutter as you glance outside. 

“Mom, it’s raining! It’s quite literally a tropical storm.”

“It’s two miles, you’ll be fine!” 

-

“No, that’s not it.” You mutter to yourself, turning another corner. You spin behind you, eyes flickering to make sure you didn’t walk past it. “No, no.” You spin again as the warning bell rings, people jostling you as you feel panic creep up on you. 

“Hey, are you lost?” 

You turn, relief filling you at the sight of one Javy Machado. 

A smile grows on his face as he shuts his locker, walking the few paces over to you. “Well, hey stranger.” 

“Hey.” You breathe, finally letting the panic ease out of you. “I can’t find my classroom, and I’m- I’m totally freaking out. It says 212 but there’s no 212 on this floor and-“ 

“Hey, hey, breathe.” Javy says gently. “All odd numbered classrooms are on the second floor, even on the first. One hundreds on the left, two hundreds on right. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid numbering system.” He says in response to the face you pull. “Here, you’re looking for…” He glances at the paper you’re clutching in your hands. “Mr. Hayden’s classroom. APUSH. Watch out y’all, she’s got a brain!” Javy calls out to a few stray students and your cheeks warm. 

“Javy, stop. Just tell me where I’m going, please.”

“Down those stairs, first classroom on the right. Hey-“

The bell rings and you curse, already feeling yourself moving backwards. “I’m gonna be late, fuck.” You turn to run down the stairs, tossing a “Thanks Javy!” over your shoulder. 

You miss the way his shoulders deflate at your retreat, face falling. 

-

“This is ridiculous.” You mutter to yourself, taking another left turn down a street you don’t recognize. 

The streets of New Orleans are empty, save for a stray pedestrian who would dart down the road, protected by the downpour by an umbrella. An umbrella your California mother had insisted you didn’t need. 

It wasn’t going to rain that hard after all. It’ll rain itself out by the time it made its way inland, she had said. 

The street sign to a bakery waves in the wind and you pause. Maybe you could cut inside for a snack and re-orient yourself? You tug through your backpack pockets, letting out a soft groan when you realize your cash had been spent buying yourself lunch at the cafeteria today. Just directions would have to do. 

The bell jingles above you as you walk in, all too aware of the dripping puddle you’re creating in the bakery’s entryway. The welcoming aroma of freshly baked bread and cinnamon greets you as the cashier hurriedly stands up. 

“Hey, welcome to Dia’s Goods, how can I- oh.” 

The universe hated you. 

The universe hated you and you knew this to be true because not only were you late to your first period and reamed out by your new teacher in front of twenty of your new classmates, not only had you eaten lunch hidden in a hallway because no one had asked you to sit at their table, not only had you slipped on the stairs outside of the school, pain now radiating through your ankle, you were lost yet again and soaked to the bone and standing in front of Javy Machado.

“I thought you had football.” You say dumbly, brain scrambling as embarrassment floods you. 

“This is my Mom’s place, I help here sometimes when I don’t have practice. Which got canceled cause of the rain.” He says, gesturing around him. “Probably works out for you because you look like you’re in need of directions. Again.” 

“Javy? Did I hear someone come in?” Someone calls and an older woman appears from the back, wearing an apron covered in flour. 

“Uh, this is my Mom, Lydia. Mom, this is the new girl from school.” 

Her eyes land on you, eyebrows furrowing. “Oh dear, you’re soaked through! Here, sit down. We might have some towels in the office, Javy would you go check?” 

“Better yet, I actually have a spare set of clothes in my practice bag. I’ll go grab them.” 

“In the meantime, can I get you something to eat?” Lydia asks as Javy disappears down the hallway before you protest. 

“Oh, I, uh-” Your cheeks heat up. “No, I uh, wouldn’t be able to pay. Thank you though. I really just need directions, I’m all kinds of turned around.” 

“Nonsense, sweetie. On the house. Where are you living?” You repeat your new address to her and she looks up as she pulls a slice of chocolate cake from the case. “Oh, you’re in the Meyers old house! Where are you from?” 

“Uh, San Diego.” 

Javy comes back into the dining area as his Mom snaps her fingers. “Javy, you know who’s living in San Diego?” 

“Yes Mom, the Bradshaws, I know. Friends of my Dad’s from the service.” He adds softly as he holds the clothes out to you. 

“I should call Carole, see how their boy Bradley is doing…”

“I’ll just take the sweatshirt, I think my jeans are going to need to be peeled off with a shoe horn.” 

Javy grins as he points you in the direction of the bathroom, and you’re quick to follow, shutting the door behind you to shed your shirt. 

You tug Javy’s sweatshirt over your head, noting the faded Saints print on the front. It smells like pine trees and chocolate, a certain comfort falling over you as you look at yourself in the mirror. 

You tug the sleeves down as you exit the bathroom, noticing Javy’s Mom had laid you both up a spread of pastries from the bakery and a steaming cup. Javy perks back up at the sight of you, motioning you over. “Hey, you gotta come try this new apple pastry we’ve been doing, give Mom and I all your thoughts.” 

“Javy?” 

“Yeah Mom?” He calls back as you hesitantly sit down across from him. 

“I think we should close up early for the day, given the storm? Mind taking her home on your way back to the house?” 

“Oh, that’s very kind of you, but you don’t have to do that.” 

“It’s no trouble at all, you’re only two blocks from us-“

“California, you don’t even have an umbrella.” Javy says bluntly and you glance down at a muffin on your plate in embarrassment. “How are you ever gonna survive hurricane season?” 

Your eyes shoot back up at him. “Wait, hold on now - no one said anything about hurricanes!” 

-

“Well, this is me.” You say softly as Javy rolls to a stop in front of the house. You clutch the bag of leftovers Lydia had sent you off with and the piece of scrap paper with their house number on it, in case you ever needed anything. “Thanks for the ride.” 

“No problem California.” 

You pull the door open, reaching down to grab your bag when you remember his sweatshirt. “Oh. Your shirt. If you wanted to wait, I could go inside and change-“ 

Javy waves you off. “Don’t worry about it. You gotta start embracing New Orleans life now that you’re here. Plus, you look good in it.” 

You feel yourself blush under his praise, ducking your head. “Well, um, I’ll see you?” He nods and you step out of the car, offering him a hand in departure. He waits for you to get inside the heavy oak before  pulling back into the road. 

It takes an unspeakable amount of time for you to finally shed your jeans and once you’re finally clad in Javy’s sweatshirt and a pair of shorts, you take note of the time. 

You glance at the bare pantry, pulling open the doors of the fridge to be greeted with the sight you’d left this morning. 

I just don’t have the money to go grocery shopping right now. You’re gonna have to figure it out. 

Your Moms dismissive words echoed in your head as you lean your head against the refrigerator door with a sigh. 

Some things never did change, did they? 

-

The bell dismisses you for lunch and you heave your books up with a sigh. You walk down the hallway, coming to a stop in front of your locker as you shove your stuff in, eyes flickering to the cafeteria doors every few seconds as classmates chatter around you eagerly. 

You’ve been fiddling with your lock for a few minutes when a sharp whistle comes across the hallway. You turn, spotting Javy. 

“You coming?” He says, gesturing to the cafeteria. You heave a breath, letting go of the lock as you step closer to him. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.” 

“You buying lunch?” You shake your head and he frowns. “I don’t see you with a lunchbox, what are you having?” 

You shrug. “Air.” 

He pauses, frown growing. “You aren’t eating?”

“Can’t afford it.” 

He sighs. “C’mon, on me.”

Panic rips through you, protests immediately leaving your mouth as Javy ushers you into the line. He leans over your shoulder, setting down a tray in front of you. “Listen, my parents are not hard up for money. That bakery you saw? That was the condition my Mom set if my Dad was to take the last promotion. They pay out of pocket for all of my brother’s college tuition. Private school tuition. They’re paying his rent. It’s not a big deal that I buy lunch a few times for people who can’t afford it.” 

“Yeah, but I’m not your charity case. I don’t take handouts.” 

“You’re not a charity case. You’re my friend.” 

“Are we friends Javy?”

“Are we not friends California?” He asks with a quirk of his eyebrows. 

You sigh. “Javy-“

“Anyways. It’s not a handout. It’s a friend treating a friend to lunch. Granted that lunch is soggy chili fries but…” You sigh as you move down the line, Javy getting his wallet out. 

“Fine. Just this once, okay?”

Javy smirks as he pays the cafeteria lady, grabbing a fry off the plate. “Whatever you say, pretty lady.” 

-

“So study hall is like… what, just a free period?”

Javy squints at you over his textbook. “It’s in the name.” 

You huff. “Well, sorry, we don’t have study halls at my old school. Nor block schedule. I’ve literally never heard of A and B days until I got here.”

“Are you sure your old school was actually accredited?” 

“Considering kids used to purposefully start fights in front of the accreditation people…”

“You’re kidding, right?” 

You glance at Javy’s concerned look. “Yeah.” You assure him before muttering “Sort of…” under your breath. 

The chair next to Javy’s squeaks and you both look up. Javy’s face lights up. 

“Marcus!” 

“Hows it going, Machado?” The boy exclaims, eyes ghosting over you. “And who’s the girl?”

“This is the new girl.”

“The one from California? Heard a lot about you already.” 

Javy gives you a bashful grin. “This is my best friend Marcus. He’s captain of the football team and our quarterback.” 

“Say, you coming to the game on Friday new girl?” 

You shake your head. “I’m not really into football.” 

Marcus scoffs. “Not into football? Sweetheart, ball is life down here.” 

“What, are you guys in a cult or something?” 

Javy nudges you. “You should come. What else do you have going on on Friday?” 

You think of your bed, an endless binge of Roseanne reruns awaiting you. 

“I could think of plenty better things to do with my Friday evening, yeah.” 

“C’mon, don’t you want to watch me play?”

“Not particularly.” Javy gives you a pleading look and you sigh. “Javy, I went to two games at my last high school and I only went because I was trying to get the attention of one of the JV players. I don’t even understand the rules of the game.” 

His face falls even further. “Come on, you can hang out with Marcus’ girlfriend Madison and her friends. She’s super sweet and they’d totally explain everything to you. Don’t you want to put yourself out there? Wasn’t that the whole point of your fresh start?” 

You eye the boy for a few minutes, turning the words over in your head. 

“Fine. Fine. I’ll go. One game, you hear me?” 

Marcus chuckles. “Famous last words.”

-

December 2021

Your heart sinks at the all-too familiar name, pace slowing. 

Iain grins, clapping the boy on the shoulders. 

Well, he’s not really a boy anymore. Not that bulky quarterback you’d known at 16, but properly a man. A grown adult, one who probably doesn’t still eat corn dogs while drunk, only to throw it all up again less than an hour later. Probably. 

Iain introduces you and Elli, introducing Marcus to the two of you. Marcus gives Elli a warm smile, reaching out to shake her hand, the smile falling when his eyes reach you. 

His hand lingers awkwardly in the air for a minute before he lets it fall to rest on the table. His eyes flicker to Madison and James, coughing awkwardly and shifting as he does.

Madison, with evermore grace than her boyfriend could muster, gives you a kind, if not disbelieving, smile. “Hey stranger.” 

Elli looks from you to them and back to you again. 

“You guys know each other?” 

“We went to high school together.” Madison responds, clasping her hands together. “And she dated James’s little brother.” She says, gesturing to the man next to you.

“No shit, you lived in New Orleans? When?” Iain asks. 

“Um, for just a year. Ten months actually. My junior year.” 

Elli bumps your elbow. “Why didn’t you ever tell me this?” 

You glance at her. “Um, if I’m honest El- it wasn’t a great year for me. I wouldn’t exactly call it a good time in my life.” 

James scoffs at that, rolling his eyes. “Please.” He mutters under his breath. 

“It- it wasn’t, James!” 

He shakes his head. “You had my little brother wrapped around your finger. He would’ve gone anywhere, done anything, for you. And you broke his heart and then disappeared. Don’t fucking sit here and say it wasn’t a good year for you. You had everything.”

Bewilderment floods your body at James hostility. 

You knew the risk of seeing these people again by coming back here, but you never thought that you’d be met by such hatred in James. 

It had been nearly a decade after all. A painful decade, but a decade nonetheless. 

“Wha- I was miserable! I was completely and utterly miserable in a way that- that no one knew about!” 

He scoffs again. “Give me a break! You- you had everything you could ever want. You lived in a stunning home in the Lower Garden District, you had all the friends in the world, a boyfriend who loved you more than anything, a Mom who let you go anywhere and do anything you wanted-“ 

“That’s not true!” You nearly shout, catching the attention of nearby tables. You flush, skin prickling at his misconceptions of your life. You take a breath, forcing yourself to remember where you are. “That’s not true, James. You have no idea about what was going on in the behind the scenes of my life.” 

“I know my brother almost gave up the Naval Academy for you.” 

You falter, mouth suddenly dry. “What- he got in? I thought- he told me-”

“Yeah, well he lied.” 

“James.” Madison admonishes quietly under her breath as Josh approaches the group. “You know we’re not supposed to bring that up-“ 

“Hey- hey, is everything okay?” He says, taking in the tension at the table. 

“Yeah, I’m- It’s fine.” You say to the lanky man. “I- These are some friends of mine from when I went to high school here. I just- We had a falling out before I left so I guess this is- this is ten years of drama catching up to me. But we’re here for Iain, so- so that’s bigger than this. I’ll squash it, I’m sorry.” 

Iain waves a hand. “It’s no worries. No worse than anything you and Lia used to put me through at work, right?” 

The half hearted attempt at a joke pulls a weak laugh from you, Elli’s more genuine. 

“So um- how do you guys-“ Marcus begins to ask but the screeching of James’s chair stops him. You all watch James stalk off, muttering under his breath as he goes. “Should we-“ Marcus begins to ask his- his wife, you finally having noted the rings on their fingers. 

Madison shakes her head. “Let him go. He can walk back to the Machado’s for all I care.” 

Your heart clenches at the name as you take one of the empty seats at the table. 

Marcus laughs. “Fair enough. Maybe he’ll find ration along the way.” 

“Now that’s just hoping for too much.” 

-

September 2010

The sound of the band greets you as you slide out of the front seat of the car, bidding your Mom goodbye. 

Growing up in California, where high school sports and particularly football, was an afterthought, nothing could’ve prepared you for the massive crowd you find yourself trying to weave through. 

“Hey new girl!” You startle at the feel of someone’s hand on your shoulders, glancing up to see Javy’s childhood best friend Kai. 

“Fuck, you scared me.” 

He gives you a smile, a bit sympathetic and teasing. “Sorry. You just looked a bit overwhelmed.” 

“I feel overwhelmed.” You say back, having to raise your voice as a group of rowdy college-age boys pass you. 

“Not your scene?” 

“You have no idea.” 

His sympathetic smile turns more genuine. “Fuck, yeah Javy mentioned you guys didn’t really do football where you’re from.” You shake your head as he begins to steer you through the crowd. “I’m under strict instructions to make sure you get to the student section and into Madi’s care before I take off. I’d sit with you guys but since it’s my school that’s playing y’all, it feels a bit too treasonous.” 

He walks you down the steps of the bleachers before a girl’s head pops up over the crowd, waving you both over. “Hey Kai.” 

“Madison. Marianne.” Kai greets Marcus’s girlfriend and her twin sister. “Alright, you’ve been safely delivered to your seat, give me a five-star rating when Javy asks later. I’m off.” 

You bid the boy goodbye as you squeeze in next to Madison. “Is it always like this?”

“Like what?” She asks as a kid from your Math class squeezes past the two of you and down the row to his friends. 

“Like… this.” You say, gesturing to the environment around you. “Loud. Chaotic. I’m pretty sure I saw a tailgate in the parking lot.” 

She snorts. “Shit, yeah. Maybe not this big, since this is the first game of the season, but this is just normal Fridays for us. I do remember Marcus had said you didn’t really know football.”

Marianne turns her head. “Have you ever even been to a game?” 

“Twice at my old school, but I was only going because I had a crush on one of the JV players and then he got taken out mid-season because of an injury so that was the end of that. I think maybe I went to a Chargers game growing up, but we definitely didn’t even stay through the whole thing.” 

Marianne snorts. “So you’ve got your work cut out for you sis.” 

Madison groans. “Javy so owes me.” 

-

You laugh as you watch Madison and her sister push through the crowd, off to greet their friends on the field in the light of the school’s big win. The crowd around you chatters, either headed for the parking lot or down to the field, off to see their friends or kids. 

“Um, excuse me.” You say to a passing parent, who turns. “Do you happen to have the time? I don’t have a watch or anything on me.” 

He nods. “Uh, yeah. It’s uh…” He trails off, glancing at his wrist. “10:36.” 

Fuck.

“Thanks.” You say, forcing a smile to the man as you immediately turn for the exit. 

Fuck. 

You’d assured your Mom the game would be over by 10, as that’s the latest she’d pick you up for her to even let you go to the game tonight, but between the school’s lengthy halftime and the overtime the game went into, it was well past the time you thought you’d be finished. You could already hear the lecture about the disrespect of her time. 

“Hey- hey!” 

You turn, catching sight of Javy jogging towards the chain link fence separating the bleachers and the field. He’s carrying his helmet in one hand, dirt smeared over the back of his jersey from when he’d gone down in the third quarter. 

“Where you off to?” 

“Home?” 

“Well, some of us are gonna get food or something, celebrate the big win. You wanna come with? I’ll drive.” 

“Ah…” Your stomach drops as you walk closer to him. “No, I can’t. I’m so sorry. My Mom’s already waiting for me and I know she’s gonna be pissed that the game got over late. And she’s really weird about letting me hang out with people she doesn’t know, tonight is not the night to test my luck.” 

He frowns. “Well… damn. Okay. I don’t want you to get in trouble. You wanna come over tomorrow or Sunday and work on French?” 

“Um, maybe? Look, can I just- like call you tomorrow morning, or something? I really do need to leave, she’s got this big thing about waiting around for me.” 

He nods. “Yeah, no. I get it. Call me when you get a chance. Thanks for coming to the game. It means a lot.” 

You nod before he throws a hand up in departure, turning around to jog back to his friends, who were watching from the 50 yard line. 

As you trudged back up the stairs of the bleachers, you couldn’t help the disappointment in your gut that you’d moved your whole life to a new city just for nothing to really change at all. 

-

“Game so terrible you had to resort to leaving without saying goodbye?” 

You shut your locker, turning to face Marcus and Javy. 

Javy groans. “Marcus please.” 

“It wasn’t bad, I just had to get home.” 

“Was your Mom pissed?” Javy asks. 

“Yeah, a little.” You admit. 

“Shit, I’m sorry.” 

You shrug. “What can you do?” 

“So you wanna come to the away game on Friday? Mari and Madi are carpooling with Indi, that girl from my English class. Extra seat in the car with your name on it.” Marcus offers. 

“I don’t know. I’d have to talk to my Mom. She’s got this thing about me being out with people doesn’t know.” You say as the three of you turn to walk down the hallway. 

“Shit, you’ve got one of those helicopter parents?” 

“You have no idea.” 

“Why don’t you just sneak out?” 

“First of all, I already tried that this summer and I got caught and grounded for two months. I don’t wish to repeat it. Second of all, she already thinks I’m up to a bunch of shady shit behind her back, like drugs and shit, so I’m not trying to give her more ammo.” 

“Are you?” Marcus asks. “Up to a bunch of shady shit? Drugs and shit?” 

You and Javy both give the boy a look. 

“No. And considering I don’t do pot, which is what everyone at my old high school did, she should count herself lucky the worst I did was sneak out to go dancing in the French Quarter.” 

Marcus snorts. “Well, this is me. See y’all in study period.” 

You bid Marcus goodbye as he disappears into his Math classroom and you and Javy turn to walk up the stairs. 

“You okay?” You ask Javy, as you squeeze past a group of freshmen. “You just let me have a whole conversation with Marcus without any input from you.” 

He shakes his head. “Nah, I’m fine. Didn’t sleep good last night. My Dad came home from his work trip and it always makes the vibe in the house tense.” 

“I’m sorry.” You say, ducking into the French classroom. 

He shrugs. “It’s better now that James is at school, the fighting is way less. But still weird.” Your backpacks drop onto your table, the French teacher chattering away at Marianne in rapid fire French you can’t follow. 

You frown as Javy scribbles the date onto his notebook. “Well- since you guys had morning practice today, wanna come over and go in the pool and then work on our French project? Assuming you want to be my partner for this.” You say, jutting your head out towards the instructions on the whiteboard. 

He smiles, knocking your shoulder. “You know it.” 

-

December 2021

“I have something I need to tell you. And you’re not going to like it.” 

His neck nearly cracks with how fast it flies up, his brother suddenly standing in the kitchen. 

“What- where the hell did you come from? I thought you were crashing at Marcus and Mads tonight after the gig.” 

His brother’s chest is heaving, like he- 

“Did you walk here?” 

“Javy, Javy- I gotta tell you something.” 

“We can-“ Bradley mumbles, nudging his godfather. They both move from the dining table, making to stand. He waves them off, approaching his brother. 

“What the hell is going on James?” 

“I- I saw your ex-girlfriend while out tonight.” 

He frowns, confusion tugging at his chest. “Which one? I’ve- I’ve dated my fair share of girls throughout my life James.” 

“Which one do you think?” 

“Well, it’s either Amber-” His brother cringes at the mention of his ex-fiancée, shaking his head. “Or-“ 

He pauses. 

“You- No way. No way you actually saw her.” 

He now understands why James is breathing like his chest caved in because that’s what his feels like, stumbling back and dropping stupidly into one of the dining room chairs. 

“Javy? You okay?” Pete asks softly. 

“I-“ He shakes his head, more in an effort to clear the confusion and guilt clouding his brain than anything. “I dated this girl for a year in high school. She wasn’t local to around here, she- her Mom moved her here her junior year. My senior year. I- I was desperately in love with her and she- she broke up with me pretty suddenly towards the end of the year. I didn’t see much of her around after that and I found out after I got home from my first semester at the Naval Academy that she- she had basically all but disappeared. Her and her Mom sold the house pretty suddenly and- and you said you saw her? Are you sure?” 

James nods, taking the seat next to him. “Yeah, I- I feel a bit bad. I laid into her, hard and fast. I told her about how you nearly gave up the Naval Academy for her.”

He meets his brother’s eyes. “James!”

His brother groans, rolling his shoulders. “I’m sorry Javy, you just- you just should’ve seen the look of bewilderment on her friend’s faces. They had no idea she lived here or had a life here, and she was being so snotty, saying she was miserable and that you didn’t really love her- I couldn’t take it!” 

His breath becomes shallow at the way his chest constricts. “She- she said that?” 

James just nods. Pete lets out a soft groan, reaching out to squeeze his forearm. “I’m sorry, Javy.” 

“All these years- I felt so bad about the way things ended.” He admits softly. “Guilty, even.”

“How come?” Bradley asks. “Why the guilt?” 

He shrugs. “She never let on, never said a word to me, but her home life was-” He lets out a whistle. “Rocky at best, abusive at worst. She wouldn’t say cause I- I don’t think she wanted me to know. But when the abuse runs that deep, the cracks start to show. And I- I just- all these years thought maybe I could’ve done more for her. Like- like she disappeared and no one knew where she went. And I just-”

“Worried.” Pete finishes. “But Javy, you couldn’t have saved her from that. Especially if it’s like it sounds to me, that her Mom had a lot of that control, you couldn’t have saved her from that.” 

He shakes his head, eyes unseeing. “Maybe. But I could’ve at least tried.”

-

“Dude, Jesus. It’s too early for that.” 

Javy runs a hand over his face, pushing himself off of the chair he’d been leaning on as he peered over Bradley’s shoulder. 

“Where did you even get that stuff?” 

He shrugs, gently flipping a page. “Asked your Mom before she left to go to work.” He looks at the beverage Javy hands him as he moves to sit down across from him at the table. “Dude, beer for breakfast? Are we college frat bros now or something?” 

Javy spread his arms as if to say And yet- and well, Bradley concedes that to him with a tip of his beer before taking a swig and flipping another page. 

They sit in a not-uncomfortable silence for a while, Javy taking long drags of his beer as if the bottom of the bottle might hold the key to ending what Bradley can only assume has haunted him since James came back from the bar last night. 

He passed through the pages, images of Javy’s childhood lining every one. 

He’s watching one of his best friends grow up before his eyes. Literally. 

Javy finally finishes his beer, and unsatisfied with whatever he found, reaches over for Bradley’s mostly untouched one. 

“Why’d you get those out Bradshaw?” Javy asks with a resigned sigh. 

“Is it weird to you?” Bradley asks, after one final glance over the page. “How our parents knew each other and yet-”

His friend sighs. 

The Machados had known Goose and Carole Bradshaw — intimately. Javy had always heard about their boy Bradley and how proud they had been of him. How much Carole had cherished him when Nick passed. 

When Carole had passed and Bradley had left, their families lost contact and it would be a few years before Javy and Bradley would finally meet, not as Javy Machado and Bradley Bradshaw and not as their parents kids. 

But as hungry, cocky Top Gun pilots Coyote and Rooster. 

“You want me to talk about her.” Javy says, setting the bottle down on the table. “This ain’t about our parents, Bradshaw. You didn’t take a trip down my memory lane to learn more about my childhood. You want to know about her.” 

Bradley stares down at the Christmas pictures that look back up at him. 

A teenage version of his friend, matching ugly Christmas sweater to the young girl next to him. Javy’s got his arm wrapped about this young girl as they both smile at the camera, hers not quite reaching her eyes. 

“Do you miss her?” 

Javy huffs a bitter laugh. “You even need to ask?” 

He looks up to meet Javy’s eye. “You tell me.”

Javy sighs. “Yeah, Bradley. I miss her. I’ve missed her every day since she’s left and I’ve looked for her in every corner of the world. Every deployment, every new port, every new assignment, I’ve looked. And when James came home last night and said he saw her out, it- none of it mattered to me what she said to him. All I could think of was that I’ve spent ten years searching for her and here she is, somehow back in my own city.” 

He looks back down to the picture, eyes now focused on the younger version of his friend. The little she’s shared to him about her high school years, what her parents put her through. The year that brought her to New Orleans and gave her so much; the year that also took too much. The boy she used to love, the one she left behind. 

That boy is sitting across from him, drowning his melancholic longing in cheap beer. 

His mind begins to move. 

-

September 2010

“So, do you wanna come over on Saturday? Snacks and Remember the Titans showing on me.” 

You sigh, shutting your locker as you follow Javy towards the exit of the building. “As much as I’d like to, I have something planned.” 

“Oh yeah? Anything good?” 

“Uh, well, I guess it depends. I’m going on a date.” 

“With who?” Javy asks, stopping abruptly. 

“Uh, do you know Frank Betterson? He’s in my APES class.” 

“Wha- He’s a senior.” 

You frown at Javy’s suddenly hostile tone. “Last time I checked, so are you.” 

Javy huffs, readjusting his grip on his backpack. “So- Well- Well, I’m pretty sure he’s a homophobic racist.” 

You squint at your friend. “What are you talking about?” 

“I don’t think you should go out with him. He’s bad news. Plus, how long have you known the guy really? Six weeks?” 

You cross your arms. “That’s just about how long I’ve known you.” 

“Yeah, but that’s- different.” 

You turn, walking away from Javy and back towards the exit of the school. 

“Oh, c’mon, hey, where are you going?” 

You pad down the stairs, catching the attention of Marcus, who raises a hand in greeting as he chats with his girlfriend and a few of he and Javy’s other friends. You move past the group, walking down towards the street to walk home. 

“Hey!” 

Javy tugs on your arm, turning you to face him. You pull it out of his grip, stepping back. “Back off Machado.” 

“Where are you going? I was supposed to drive you home, remember?” 

“I’ll walk.” You snap, moving to walk past him again.  

“Really? All this because I have opinions about who you’re going on a date with?” 

“Why should you get opinions on who I go on dates with? You’re not my mother.” 

“Yeah, and she’s cool with you spending a Saturday night with a boy she doesn’t know and has never met? Cause unless you have suddenly brought Frank Betterson home and I don’t know about it-”

“She’s going out of town. Derek has a gig in Chicago this weekend and she’s going with him.” 

“So, if I hadn’t asked, you’d have just gone on this date and no one would've known where you were? Do you know how unsafe that is?” 

You wave a hand. “Disregarding the fact that you’re way out of line for thinking you need to know where I am at all times-”

“That’s not what I said-”

“Why do you care so much? He’s a nice enough guy, who’s decently attractive, who wants to go on a date with me. I- I don’t know if you’ve noticed Javy, but the Homecoming dance is coming up next week and I don’t exactly have guys lining up to take me. Why can’t you just be happy for me? Why can’t you just say ‘That’s great. I hope you have a great time. Call me on Sunday and let me know how it goes.’ Why can’t you manage that Javy?” 

Javy gapes at you, mouth opening and closing a few times as Marcus approaches, the rest of the group trailing behind him. 

“I think it’s great you have a date.” He says weakly. “Call me on Sunday and let me know how it goes. Can I please still drive you home?” 

You shake your head. “Nah. I’m sure Marcus would love to hear all your opinions about my date though.” 

Javy just sighs as you walk down the street.

-

Your skin feels hot, embarrassment and panic flooding through your body as the payphone rings, calling the only Louisiana number you have memorized. 

Thank God you’d remembered your wallet, just on the off-chance Frank Betterson was one of those assholes who didn’t pay on the first date. 

Turns out, he was an asshole, just not the kind who didn’t pay. 

“Machado residence.” 

Your heart sinks even further at Javy’s voice over the line. 

“Uh- hey, Javy, is your Mom around?” 

“No, she’s out of town this weekend visiting my Aunt in Virginia.”

“Damn- okay. I kind of needed a trusted adult, but I’ll- I’ll figure it out.” You say, trying to perk your voice up through the disappointment and sheer panic you feel doused in. 

You know you’ve missed nonchalant by several miles when Javy’s voice goes firm, asking “Is everything okay?” 

You sigh. “I- no. No. I-” Your panic starts to overwhelm you as tears start to sting at your eyes, making it suddenly difficult to talk. “No, Frank- Frank left me in this neighborhood and I don’t know where I am and- it’s starting to get really dark and there were already some sketchy guys eyeing me a few blocks over and I-” Your breath hitches. “I am really scared, Javy.” 

“Okay. Okay.” Javy soothes, voice calm. “Okay, I will come find you. Are there any street signs, any identifying landmarks?”

“Uh, I- I don’t know. I’m standing in the parking lot of some 7/11.” 

He pauses. “Is there a rundown white house across the street with a shed in the front that looks like it’s one good rainfall away from caving in?” 

You swallow, looking up at the house in front of you. “Yeah.” 

“Okay, I know exactly where you are. I’m coming to get you right now. It shouldn’t take me more than 20 minutes, but I’ll try to make it less than that. Do not move, do you understand me?” 

You sniff, nodding. “Okay.” 

The next 20 minutes drags on for what feels like an hour but eventually, the headlights of Javy’s inherited truck turn down the pot-filled road. He brings the car to a slow stop and you’re quick to throw the passenger side door open and climb in. 

You sniffle again, pulling your seatbelt on. “Thanks.” 

“Of course.” He says softly. “Are you okay? Did you eat? We can stop and get food or something.” 

You shake your head. “No, it’s fine. I don’t want to take up any more of your time.” 

“You- you’re not. I was just sitting at home.” You don’t respond and after a few minutes, he pulls out of the parking lot. The jazz music softly croons through the radio as the two of you glide through the night streets of New Orleans. “What even happened?” 

“He- I thought he was gonna take me home after dinner but he- he kept driving. We ended up out here and he told me that- that if I wanted a ride home, he needed a kiss. And I- I’ve never kissed anyone before.” You say softly, embarrassment prickling. “And I didn’t- I didn’t want to kiss him, not then at least, not like that, and he told me if I wouldn’t do it, I could find my own way home. He kicked me out next to the alleyway by some bar around here and I- I was standing there, but there were some guys standing outside the bar that were giving me the heebie jeebies. So- So I decided to walk and try and see if I could find my way, but I ended up getting even more lost, and eventually found that pay phone. Your- your house number is the only Louisiana number I have memorized.” 

“Son of a bitch.” Javy mutters. 

“You can tell me I told you so.” 

He glances at you, taking in the defeated way you’re slumped against the seat. “I’m not going to do that. You’ve been through enough tonight at least. That neighborhood isn’t far from where I grew up before Katrina. It’s not the greatest, so I’m glad you called me. And I’m glad you’re safe.” 

You don’t say anything, leaning your head against the window. 

“Do you wanna sleep at my house tonight? I’ve got the place to myself, if you don’t want to be alone. We can stop at your house and pick up clothes and stuff.”

You look over at him. “Yeah. I’d like that.” 

-

“Thanks for last night Javy.” 

The two of you had gone to his house, where he’d fed you day-old almond croissants from the bakery and cold pizza, watching Scooby-Doo re-runs until the two of you fell asleep under the glow of the TV light. 

He waves a hand as he parks the car in front of your Mom’s. “Always, you know that.” 

“I mean it, really. Especially cause I know I had just gotten done yelling at you.” 

He shrugs. “Maybe I deserved it.” 

“Even though you ended up being right?” He shrugs again, but doesn’t say anything more. You sigh. “Well, thanks again. I owe you. See you Monday. Or, well, tomorrow I guess.” 

You climb out of the car and shut the door, turning to walk up the pathway towards the front door. You’re pulling your keys out of the Saints hoodie that had become yours when the front door of the truck slams. You turn, catching Javy round the vehicle and walk towards you. 

“Everything okay?” 

He sighs. “I’m sorry.” 

You frown. “You’re sorry?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry. You had every right to get mad at me. I was being a dick.” 

“Javy, I mean- clearly you ended up being right-” 

He sighs, taking another step closer to you. “Well, yeah, and I don’t love that. But I didn’t say all those things cause I really thought he’d sink that low. Betterson is an ass, sure, but I never thought he’d get to that level. I- I only said that stuff cause I was- I was jealous.” 

You stare at him, dumbfounded. 

“What?” 

He swallows. “I- I was jealous. I- I’d been planning to ask you to the dance. When you said a bunch of guys weren’t lining up to take you, I- I wanted to tell you that I was. But- but we’re friends and I like being friends with you and I didn’t know what you’d say if I asked and- and I said all that stuff cause I panicked that I had lost my shot. And I know it’s probably not that great to hear this on the heels of what went down last night, so I’m not- I’m not expecting anything here. I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I was out of line and I won’t- I won’t do it again.” 

You stare at him for a few minutes, the silence stretching between the two of you. “So- are you asking?” 

Now it’s his turn to stare at you. 

“What?” 

“The dance. Are you- is this you asking me to the dance?” 

“God no- I’d do it way better first of all, flowers at the very least-” 

“Cause I’d say yes.” 

“What?” 

“If you were asking me to the dance, I’d say yes. But since you’re not-” 

“No! No. I- Do you wanna go to the dance with me?” 

You give him a small smile. “Yeah. I’d like nothing more actually.” 

He gives you a shy smile in return. “Great. I’ll drive.” 

-

December 2021

The market bustles around you, the live music floating out through the air. The chill of the winter air is abated by the mass of people around you and the warm cheer in patrons and vendors alike. 

“Find anything good?” You muse, approaching Elli as she stands at a table. 

The glass of wine she’d had before leaving the hotel paints her cheeks red as she grins at you. “So much. I got this painting I’m going to hang in Josh and I’s apartment.” She says, showing you a peek inside the brown paper bag. It’s a small canvas, hand painted with a street view of Bourbon at night. 

“Love.” 

“Yeah, and I got Josh’s Mom this handwoven watch band cause she’s worn hers to a threadbare, but she’ll never replace it. And I got Josh’s Dad this custom made New Orleans pin.” You hum as Elli lifts two pairs of earrings from the table. “And I need help deciding which ones of these I should get.” 

You look at the earrings, one silver intertwined with emerald, the other gold with amethyst stones, as she turns them in the streetlight. 

“Silver. Definitely silver. They suit your face shape more and the green matches your eyes.” 

She hugs, setting the gold down. “Yeah, I agree. Hey, have you seen Josh? I feel like we should tell Iain bye before we head to our dinner reservation.”

“No, I haven’t- Whoa-”

“Jesus-”

You cling to Elli’s lanky figure as another body stumbles into you. You turn, already hearing apologies stream from the probably too-drunk man’s mouth. 

“-I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to push you at all-”

The man’s hands, which he’d put out as he’d stumbled into you to avoid bumping the table, freeze on your shoulder. 

Your breath catches. 

“I am- I am so sorry.” Javy says, his hand flexing as it travels down your bicep. “I really didn’t mean to push you- I-”

You swallow. “I- It’s okay.” 

Your eyes flicker down to his hand, which prompts him to glance down. He swallows, letting his hand fall. 

“I- Sorry, again. I had no idea you were standing right there, my friend pushed me-” Javy turns, pointing to the vacant spot behind him. He gapes, eyes flying up and searching the bustling market. “Where- where the hell did he go?” 

Worry flickers in your gut. “Javy, are you okay?” 

He looks down at you. “I- I mean aside, from seeing you again, I- yeah. I swear he was right here.” 

Your heart clenches at his comment. “I- sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean to crash your night. Um, we’ll go. Elli, let’s go find Josh-” 

“No! No- no, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighs. “I- sorry. Can we start over?” 

Probably about ten years too late for that, you want to say. 

“Um, hi.” Elli says, Javy startling like it’s the first time he’s realized she’s been standing there. 

“Where are my manners? Hi, I’m Javy.” He says, extending a hand as a smile returns his face. 

“I’m Elli. Uh, Javy as in… Javy the ex-boyfriend? The one whose brother yelled at you last night? What was his name?” 

Javy’s face pinches. “James. I am so sorry about him.” 

The three of you stand there in awkward silence for a minute before Elli looks down at the earrings still in her hand. 

“Well, why don’t I finish paying for these and then we can go see if we can find Josh, or your- friend.” 

Javy lets out a half-laugh. “I promise he’s real.” 

“Yet to be seen.” She comments, turning to the vendor. 

Javy sticks his hands into the pockets of his jacket, turning to you. 

It’s the first time you get to take him in. 

The last ten years had been kind to him, his shoulders and arms even more defined and filled out then when he’d been playing football and working Saturday afternoons at his Mom’s bakery. His charming smile is still the same, and it seems his easy-going sense of style has remained. 

The piercings are new.

“You look good.” He breaths. “If you don’t mind me saying.” 

You feel your neck flush. “So do you.” 

“So- what have you been up to?” 

Elli stands from the table, thanking the vendor. “Let’s go find my boyfriend, shall we?” 

Javy clears his throat, nodding. “Yeah. For sure.” 

“So, uh, Javy, tell me about yourself. Since I didn’t know you existed until 24 hours ago.” 

“Elli.” You warn under your breath, shooting the girl a look. 

“Oh, please, just a little?” She asks, eyes alight. 

“Ah, as much as I’d love to-” He breaks off, reaching a cluster of tables in the back. “Bradshaw!”

The brunette winces as Javy’s hand smacks the back of his head. “What the hell Machado?”

“What the hell to you, Bradshaw? You just going around pushing people now?”

Bradley’s eyes flicker over his friend’s shoulder, grinning as he stands up from his chair. “Well- I’ll be.”

Bradley’s arms engulf you in a tight hug. You wrap your arms around his broad frame, confusion flooding your body. 

He pulls away but remains close, hands on your shoulders. “What the hell are you doing here kid? What a small world huh?” 

You frown, confusion growing. “What are you talking about? I told you I’d be in New Orleans for Christmas.” 

He mirrors your frown. “You did? When?” 

“Like, two months ago.” 

A groan leaves his lips. “Ugh, you must’ve told me while I was training for the detachment. Between that and the concussion, some of the small things have slipped.” 

You cock your head. 

You’d known Bradley Bradshaw for nearly three years now. You’d moved into the rundown house next to the Bradshaw home in the Rolando Village just two months after your graduation from your master’s program. He’d been on leave, having just returned home from deployment, and having seen you struggling to move your desk out of the back of your car, came over. Although you insisted to him you could do it yourself, he’d pulled off his gardening gloves and helped you carry the rest of your furniture and boxes. 

You’d returned to his house three days later, once you’d finally unearthed your measuring cups and baking dishes from where they had been thrown in with your clothes and American Girl dolls, to bring him the homemade snickerdoodles you were known for. 

Claiming he’d hadn’t ones that good since his Mom passed, he’d invited you in and the next thing you knew, it was two in the morning and you had become fast friends.

You knew Bradley. 

You picked up his mail and packages while he was on deployment. Tended the garden Carole Bradshaw had once been so proud of, and always made sure he had a home-cooked meal when he came home from wherever in the world the Navy had sent him. 

He sent you postcards from wherever he was stationed for your card wall in the office. When he was home, he’d bring you pins from the places he’d traveled to. He’d been there when your landlord offered to sell the house to you, fulfilling your dream of owning your own property. He’d taken to fixing things around the house whenever he was stateside since then and brought you a bottle of wine and balloons to celebrate closing. 

He’d told you about his parents and Pete and his papers. In exchange, you’d told him about New Orleans and your Mom and Javy. 

You two were good friends, and you both were probably the other’s most stable friendship. You felt you’d learned a good deal about Bradley Bradshaw over the last few years. Learned his ticks, his quirks, his hot takes and gimmicks. 

And in all the years you’d known Bradley, you’d never known him to forget something. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Bradley asks, laughing a little. “You look like I grew two heads or something.” 

“I’ve never known you to forget anything. Ever.” You say, dropping your arms from his frame. “You are one of the most detail-oriented people I’ve ever met, and you remember everything that’s ever come out of my mouth, down to that one time two years ago I had told you I had put surfing on my bucket list. What the hell do you mean you don’t remember me telling you I was coming to New Orleans? I told you twice.” 

He sighs. “Kid, the last few months have been chaotic, with the detachment and the concussion and moving my life back to San Diego permanently. I must’ve- I must’ve just forgot. I’m sorry.” 

“Uh huh.” You click your tongue. “Just like you forgot to tell me you’d be in New Orleans for the holidays with your estranged godfather?” 

Bradley’s eyes fly to Pete. “I- uh-” 

“Bradley’s Dad and mine used to serve together.” Javy says quietly, cutting through the tension. “And Bradley and I served together under Pete on that- on that detachment he’s talking about. So they came out with me for the holidays since we got some time off from the Navy until the New Year- You remember how my Mom mentioned Carole and their boy Bradley? Your first time at the bakery?” 

You falter, turning to Javy. “Wait- Really? Their boy Bradley is- is that Bradley?” 

Javy nods. “Blew my mind too. Mom finally got ahold of one of Nick’s friends not long after I graduated. I guess Nick passed away some time before that and then-”

“And then Carole passed away.” 

“Yeah.” He nods. “Bradley was already in his like, junior year, at UVA by the time Mom got in touch with Ron. But I mean- Can you believe it? Bradley and I served so many deployments together with our friend Nat and I never- never had any idea. Not until Pete made the connection for us a few weeks back.” 

“Hey.” You startle at the sound of Josh’s voice. “I was looking for you guys! I swore I saw Elli at that jewelers table and then I turned around, talking to the guy selling those hand carved frames — super cool shit by the way — and you were gone! Do- What- Why are you guys all the way back here?” 

Elli turns to her partner, a bewildered grin on her face. “Josh, you’ll never believe it. This is Javy. And apparently, that’s Bradley. Bradley’s- well, I don’t know how the hell she knows Bradley. Javy’s the-”

“The ex-boyfriend. No shit! How do we keep running into so many people you know? What are the odds?”

Elli laughs. “You know what? Yeah. I was willing to let last night be a freak coincidence but with the some few hundred thousand people who live here, I’m starting to feel like maybe there’s some higher power or something conspiring against you.” 

Your eyes flicker back to Bradley, who’s quick to look away. 

“Right.” 

-

October 2010

“You want a sip?” 

You glance down as Marcus sticks the flask across the center console, Javy’s hand reaching back and grabbing it. 

“First of all, stop trying to get my date drunk. Second of all, what have I said about bringing alcohol into my car?” 

“To not to.” Marcus mutters, slumping back in his seat. 

“I wouldn’t drink it anyway. I think after my short-lived beer venture, I’m good.”

Javy smirks at the memory of his birthday, when they’d corralled you into trying beer for the first time, only for you to gag and say it tasted like wheat and sadness. 

Javy sniffs the flask before screwing it shut and sticking it in the console. “It’ll taste like gasoline and sadness, if I’m right that this is the cheap shit he put in here.” He cranes his neck back once the three of you arrive at a stop light, nearing the school. “I want you to know I’m gonna dump it when we get there.” 

“Javy, why do you have to waste my alcohol?” Marcus groans. “My brother worked very hard to illicitly obtain that for me.” 

“Dixon isn’t 21 either, so I don’t want to know how he got it. And I don’t really give a fuck what poor choices you make, but you know I don’t want alcohol in here and to risk getting pulled over. And especially not while my date is with us.” 

“You’re such a Mom.” 

-

Javy sighs, unimpressed as Marcus leans over into a bush, his girlfriend rubbing a hand down his back sympathetically. 

“Can I leave him with you?” 

Madison nods. “Yeah, Mari drove and we have extended curfew. I’ll deal with… this.” 

Javy holds out a hand for you, and you take it, intertwining your fingers with his. 

“I seriously don’t understand him. He knows his limit, and that limit is zero, and yet he still does it.” 

You snort. “Well, your best friend is many things, but no one ever claimed one of those things was smart.” 

Javy lets out a laugh, tightening his grip on your hand as he does. “Oh that was fucking awesome. Oh, I am totally using that.” 

The car drive is quiet, comfortable, Javy reaching out to squeeze your knee at every stoplight as you do. He pulls up to the house, letting the car idle for a minute before shutting it off. 

The silence is comfortable, neither of you quite willing to move. 

“Thanks for coming with me.” He says with a sigh. 

“Thanks for asking me. And thanks for getting me a corsage. I’ve never had one before.” 

“Course.” He props his arm on the center console, shifting his body to face you. 

The tension in the car shifts, butterflies suddenly erupting in your stomach as the air feels electric. 

“Are you going to kiss me?” You ask softly. 

“If you want. If you’re okay with it.” He says, cupping your cheek. “I’m still going to ask you to be my girlfriend afterwards, regardless.” 

“Yeah?” You say, feeling your nerves travel up to your chest as his other hand slides across your knee. 

“Yeah. And I won’t kick you out of the car if you don’t want to.”

“I want you to.” 

He smiles. “You’re gonna have to breathe first.” 

That breaks a giggle out of you, disrupting some of your nerves, as you breathe. “Sorry, you make me nervous!” 

“Do I?” 

“Yeah, especially when you’re looking at me like that.” 

He hums. “Hm, good.” 

The kiss he presses to your lips is soft and sweet, everything you’d dreamed of for a first kiss. Your heart races at the feeling of his lips pressed against yours, so hard you think he might be able to feel it. 

You swallow hard when he pulls away, breathless once again. 

“Holy shit.” 

He smiles. “In a good way?” 

You sigh. “Yeah. Do it again.” 

He lets out a short laugh. “Just one.”  

This kiss is chaste, but no less relieving of your desire. He pulls away, smiling at you as he gives you a moment. 

“Still want to be my girlfriend?” 

“And get a lifetime of that? Yeah.”

He snorts. “Alright, well, I can manage that, I think. Come on, my girlfriend has a curfew she’s got to make.” 

Your fingers spend the rest of the night, ghosting over the edges of your lips, in pure disbelief that a guy like Javier Machado would want a girl like you. 

-

December 2021

The door to the upstairs balcony of the AirBnB you’re staying in opens, and you glance over your shoulder to catch sight of Elli. 

“Hey.” You greet as she steps out under the shelter from the New Orleans drizzle. 

“Morning.”

“Where’s Josh?”

“Out trying to find me a RedBull.”

You snort, setting your phone on the table as you grab your mug. “It baffles me you’ll drink RedBull but not coffee.”

“Coffee makes me all jittery but RedBull doesn’t have the same effect on me, I swear!” She claims, earning laughter from the both of you. 

You shake your head as she sits across from you. “Classic.”  

It’s quiet for a minute as you listen to the streets of the city just below. 

“Hey, there’s this good local market a couple blocks from here and I was thinking about going in a little bit. They have some really good ground coffee and tea, if you want to come with me?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You sigh. “Elli-” 

“No. Seriously, I’ve let you off the hook for two days now. We’ve been good friends for almost five years, and you’ve never once breathed a word about living here. About having a life here. I see the way you look at this place, the way you still know every street corner and local market place.”

“Elli-” You sigh, breaking off again. “Elli, I- it’s so hard to explain because so much of it has to do with my Mom.” 

“And I wouldn’t know what that’s like?” 

And there it is. 

The core of your friendship with the tall blonde sitting across from you. The girl who was also avoiding home for the holidays. The girl who has intimately understood your own family dynamics from the very beginning. 

You swallow. “Okay. Yeah, that’s fair. It’s just- painful. And I-” You glance out at the street, watching pedestrians dart in and out of the street cover. “And more than I’ve been afraid of that pain, I’ve been more scared to talk about it because of how desperately I wanted people to ask me about it. To ask me about him, and the nights we’d sit on someone’s rooftop and drink beers and how I went to bed missing him even when he smelled like cigarette smoke. I wanted people to ask me about the food I’d eat, and the friends I had, and my favorite place to get pastries. And if I told people about it, and they didn’t understand the pain, or they- they got too scared of the weight of the memories, if they didn’t ask me about it, I- I didn’t know if I could take it.” 

The door to the balcony opens, revealing Josh with a RedBull and an iced coffee in hand. “For my lady,” he says warmly, handing the RedBull to Elli. “And for my lady’s best lady friend.” 

You snort, taking the coffee from him. “Thanks Josh.” 

He waves you off, sitting down next to Elli. “Whatcha chatting about out here?” 

You share a look with Elli. 

You’d know Elli longer than she’d been with Josh, and had really gotten to see her blossom into this relationship. The way she was more settled, less frenetic, with him. The way all her daily anxieties and past trauma, not unlike your own, seemed to quiet with him around. They’d grown together in the last four years, seen multiple versions of the other, which meant Josh was no stranger to the family Elli came from. 

And while they’d usually spend the holidays with his, his parent’s anniversary trip to Spain had left him searching for other plans. And it wasn’t like seeing hers was an option. 

They all knew too well how’d that story end. 

So Josh knew your past too. He’d heard the bar conversations and dinners and girls nights where you and Elli had swapped stories, where she’d sympathize with you when you were undergoing what you had dubbed your “I Need A Mom But Not My Mom” moments. 

So if you were going to share this part of your past with Elli, it was only fair you share it with Josh too. 

“We’re talking about when I lived here.” 

Josh shifts. “Yeah?” 

You nod. “Yeah.” 

So you tell them. 

You tell them about how once your parents settled the custody agreement, your Mom had announced her departure to New Orleans to be closer to the boyfriend she’d picked up during the divorce. How you’d been so depressed and unhappy that your parents had agreed a fresh start would be good for you. A new school, new house, new friends. The newness could be just what you needed.

And maybe in theory it would’ve been. Maybe if what went on in your brain was a result of your educational environment and not a result of what went on at home. 

You tell them about the house in the Lower Garden District, the one you were never quite sure how you were affording and the one that never quite felt like a home. You tell them about the boy you met on the streets of New Orleans, of how’d you danced together under lights as his brother and cousins all watched. You tell them about how you’d fallen in love with him, of the amber eyes and the way the bakery lingered just right in the Saints hoodie. You tell them about Dia’s Goods, and how any afternoon could find you in their cafe, just hanging out with his Mom. 

You tell them about the football games and those backyard parties. The way Marcus had made everyone go on a gator tour for his birthday, and Javy’s childhood best friend Kai had gotten so scared he’d peed his pants. 

And you tell them that without your Dad around to keep her in check, your Mom got meaner, less present, more selfish. How the closer you got to the Machados, the more flighty and rash she got. 

You tell them about your own brain, how unkind it was to you. How the thoughts about how better off they’d all be without you around got loud. The way you were so afraid of losing Javy that you’d convinced yourself he’d leave you anyways. 

You tell them about how you ended it with him when your Mom decided to leave New Orleans for good. About how you were so scared to ask for help that you’d suffocated in your home and brain to let him be. 

“So why not come back for college?” 

You sigh, shrugging. “I floated the idea of applying to Tulane once. Before we moved. My Mom lost her mind. I think it was the catalyst for us moving back.” 

She screws her face together, clearly struggling to follow the reasoning behind that decision. “Because what? You casually thought about applying to college here? God forbid.” 

You shrug again, reaching up to tug at the drawstrings of your hoodie as you avoid her eyes. “I was too comfortable here. If I was comfortable, if I was spending all this time at other’s people’s houses and learning to confide in them, what was I repeating about my home life? What narrative had I spun that she couldn’t control?” You work around the lump in your throat before being able to continue. “And I guess I could’ve really done whatever I wanted when I was 18, but I was so sick with grief for this place and those people that the thought of coming back once I left felt too hard. I spent years in the intermountain west trying to relieve it and another few years back in California trying to bury it.” 

A beat passes as your friends look on, unable to save you from the grey misery of your history. 

“I have so much regret.” You whisper. “And I don’t- I’ve never been able to figure out if I regret letting my Mom have so much control I never asked for the help I needed or if I regret letting my fear win. I wonder if maybe I just really regret meeting him, letting myself fall in love with him. Maybe I regret ever moving here at all. Who would I have been if this place had never become such a haunted part of my past?”