ｖｅｒｔｉｇｏ

location: humanities building atrium 

date: four nineteen pm, december twentieth

with: shiloh ( @ofshilch )

when everything was going to shit, there was always one thing that made ella feel better: writing. whenever she felt like all she wanted to do was scream and cuss, all she needed to do was write, was bleed onto the sheet, and she always felt better. to see all of her thoughts staring back at her on the page, out of the unmanageable jumble that was her brain, made her feel more… in control. but sometimes… sometimes everything happening in her brain was too much. sometimes ella looked at the blank page and all she could think to fill it with was fuck fuck fuck fucK FUCK FUCK - . sometimes it was impossible to make her misery poetic. 

alone in the atrium, she shut her laptop, feeling her fingers start to shake. how could she put all of this… uncertainty, this fear into words? ella leaned her head against the back of the couch, looking up for the first time in an hour, to see shiloh also in the room. she sat herself up properly, sliding her laptop onto the couch next to her. “hey, uh… i haven’t, i haven’t seen you since finals started. how are you? i mean…” ella shuts her eyes, trying to sort out her brain enough to speak. “bad question, but… just, yeah. i hope you’re… you’re okay.” when written words were hard, spoken words were nearly impossible. 

shiloh had needed to get out of her room for a bit, having been cooped up there for the entire day. it was hard to find something to do when there wasn’t anything to do. she had been wandering aimlessly through the school, marveling at the quiet, when she had stumbled on ella huddled in front of her laptop. “hi,” she greeted, a soft smile playing on her lips. she always liked seeing the other girl. ella morris was so different from her, but in the most positive way. her gentle disposition always brought up a side of shiloh’s personality that she liked to experience – a kinder, more attentive side. “sorry – i didn’t mean to startle you. you seemed very focused on whatever you were doing, i didn’t want to be a bother.”

she sat down on the couch next to ella, sliding the laptop so it now rested between the two of them. “thanks for helping me with those pesky finals, by the way. i aced that research methodology exam you helped me with. i didn’t do so well in western art, but hey – you win some, you lose some.” she knew she was avoiding the real question; she knew that ella wasn’t simply asking about her academic success. she also knew her feelings about melanie were very different from ella’s, so she decided on the most neutral answer she could think of. “i’m – i’m holding up. how are you?” while tiptoeing around a subject wasn’t something she was particularly good at, she cared enough about the other girl to at least give it a shot. besides, ella had always seemed a bit… fragile to the other girl. she was sure melanie’s disappearance was putting enough strain on her without shiloh running her mouth.

once upon a time, it had been easy pretending to be clueless, to act as if she didn’t realize how much her actions affected the people around her. the people that once cared about her. but like everything in her life, things only got more complicated as the years went by. and now just wasn’t sure if the consequences of her actions were worth it. she understood very well why people hated her, why they talked shit about her behind her back everyday. why she had so many foes around covington. it was taking more energy than she had in her small frame to ignore the fact that she was a monster and everyone knew it. sometimes, she thought she should just embrace it, it would be easier. but donatella was never known for her brains, so while that would have been the preferred course of action, she just kept pushing. even if she knew that, one day, she would just explode and do some kind of stupid shit she would regret a few seconds later.

it was surreal watching the change in shiloh’s countenance, it almost looked like she was preparing for battle. and maybe she was, maybe she was about to behead the feared dragon and finally bring peace to the people of hemlock. and even if she knew that it was necessary, she wouldn’t take it lying down. ❝ ah, of course. my first thought as i went through the worst months of my life was to get my phone and sent you a motherfucking text message. ❞ she couldn’t help the bitter reply that escaped her lips. ❝ i don’t know if you remember, but i reached out after a while and you decided you were above me. so please don’t give me that sob story because this one is on you. ❞

shiloh took a deep breath, forcing herself to remain calm. ( absent-mindedly, she wondered if their pictures were done yet. she also wondered if any of the other stranded students were planning on developing their own photographs today. if someone should walk in on them, the situation would look quite bizarre – two girls yelling at each other in the dark over childhood slights. ) as much as the advice to count to ten had become a cliché, it was something that occasionally worked for shiloh. one, two, three…

she knew donnie tended to lash out when she was hurt, and that taking her words to heart was pointless. most of the time, shiloh was the exact opposite – when she got hurt, she made herself small, choosing silence over confrontation. growing up with a fight with her parents constantly a hair’s breadth away, she had learned to hold her breath long enough for the waves to wash over her, rather than to drown in her own anger and hurt. it was why, instead of responding to the accusation donnie flung her way, she could zero in on the words that didn’t make any sense to her. …eight, nine, ten. ❝ worst months of your life ? what are you talking about ? you told me you were visiting a family member in la. ❞

    it was too hard to even think what this was doing to her moms - having she and cordy both stuck on campus, especially with how closely involved melanie had been in their lives for so long. she felt anxious, restless… shiloh was one of the only people who had managed to put peyton at ease, feeling better about the situation and less paranoid at every second. maybe it’s because they had so much in common, a fact that was revealed more and more slowly as the spent time together. it felt fitting that the two had similar coping mechanisms and reactions to this most recent source of stress. being alone right now was something pey both craved and feared. 

 scared it’s gonna be me. why did peyton feel the exact same way? she figured it was mostly due to her very vicarious bout of underage drinking. or maybe - well, there were nasty words said both at the party and beforehand, when it came to melanie. peyton grimaced, hiding it with a deep swig from the bottle, gagging as she swollen. “same. and like, you don’t know what others have been saying, you know?” peyton sighed. this had gotten dark, and she felt a little bad. she hadn’t meant to let it get this somber. it was just hard to ignore. fortunately, shiloh’s theory was exactly what the pair needed, and peyton giggled. “fuck, you are so right! i seriously wouldn’t put it past her. i always thought she had more adoring fans than enemies but… it really looks the opposite now, huh?” it was a pretty bad time to be on this end of the melanie anti-fanclub. though, it was nice to know they weren’t alone in their dislike, despite the way it incriminated them. “what did you even say when they asked about her? like, how do you even answer that anyway.”

    “right? like, i was kinda drunk that night – not wasted or anything like that, but what if i did or said something weird or incriminating and i just can’t remember? i’ve seen too many documentaries about the crooked legal system not to worry that they’ll try to pin this on one of us somehow.” despite the cynical nature of her words, they were also hopeful – she didn’t think any of them actually had it in them to do anything to harm another human being, even a human being as hopelessly annoying as melanie rivera. still, a gnawing feeling told her that a person could never really know another person. she pushed the thought aside, deciding it was better left for another day. for now, she wanted to form a cohesive unit with the others as much as possible.

    she smiled wryly at peyton’s words, thinking about the moments she spotted melanie walking through the school’s hallways. it was always with a strange mixture of envy, pity and anger. she did always seem like covington’s bright shining star, like nothing could touch her. with the madness of the current investigation, shiloh did not dare to say it aloud, but it was a little bit gratifying to watch that veneer disappear. “i just told them the truth, man. well, most of it anyway. i figured it would be worse if they caught me in a lie than if i admitted we weren’t the best of pals. i mean, shit, i dislike a lot of people. doesn’t mean i would... do anything to them.” the word ‘murder’ was something she couldn’t bear to say. it would make all of this feel too real. besides, it was just morbid gossip anyway. the police hadn’t confirmed anything... yet. they would tell them if something had come up, wouldn’t they?

it was almost comic how shiloh didn’t just keep her distance emotionally, she kept it physically too. donatella almost felt like a wild animal, hunting their prey. ready to attack and take everything she needed, leaving the poor animal there, defenseless. maybe it was a metaphor for her life, how she only took, and took, until everyone else was bleeding on the ground. but actually seeing the consequences were harrowing, she’d end up alone and it would all be her own fault.

she remembered how shiloh used to look up to her when they were both in high school, but time had passed. she wasn’t the same person she was back then and she could see that - everyone could see that, but it seemed that the girl­ in front of her had no qualms in letting her know that everything had changed right along with her.

❝ i’m not pretending anything. i always liked talking to you while we developed pictures, didn’t know it was a crime to still do it. ❞ her brows furrowed in confusion, where did that come from ? she knew that they weren’t friends anymore, but it wasn’t like there was a big fight. they just drifted apart. or pushed themselves apart. after a beat, she remembered the last part of shiloh’s sentence and felt even more confused. was she really that bad that people thought she didn’t want them around ? that she thought she had any say in anything they did ?  ❝ and why the fuck would i wish you hadn’t enrolled in the first place ? i wasn’t aware there was so much contempt between us. ❞

it was a lie, of course. she had noticed that shiloh turned back everytime she saw her all to avoid acknowledging her. and while that hurt, she never really had a reason to reach out to ask why exactly she went out of her way to evade her.  ❝ if talking to me is that much of an inconvenience, i’ll stay silent. don’t worry about it. ❞ she said after a while, her tone was obviously bitter. she didn’t have the energy to mask her feelings right now. she’d be back at it tomorrow, but right now she’d just let herself feel for a change.

shiloh had never been one for facing things head-on. she was outspoken, sure – but if there was a way for her to get out of a tough conversation, she would always take it. it was easier to pretend that the hurt wasn’t there than to go through the arduous process of stitching up wounds. easier to simply cut off friendships then to talk out problems. it was why she had left hemlock without so much as a word said to many of the people she knew. she had told donnie that it was fine to go back to ignoring her existence out of the idea that it would make things easier, give them both a way out of the awkward small talk. instead, it seemed that she had only managed to erupt the volcano that was donatella navarro.

however, now that the dam had broken, she found herself unwilling to back down. her friendship with donnie ( or lack thereof ) had always been one big question mark in her life, and she wanted to find out where they stood once and for all. she dug her nails into the soft flesh of her palms, bracing herself for impact as she spit out the words that had been on her mind for so long. ❝ you weren’t aware there was contempt between us ? really, donnie ? i came back from my summer break and you were acting as if we barely knew each other. what the fuck was i supposed to think ? you were one of the few people i cared about in that shithole. i thought – ❞ her voice stuttered, quivered, gave out. i thought i somehow messed everything up. i thought you found friends you liked better and ditched me. she took a deep breath, hoped the other didn’t notice how deeply this still cut her. ❝ i just thought you felt the same way, is all. ❞

“so, how strict of a no leaving campus lockdown do you think we’re really on? like, do you think they have cops stationed at every exit?” it’s clear that there’s SUPPOSED to be an air of light-heartedness to cordelia’s words, but the hint of a nervous tremor to her words does little to aid in the delivery of it. as much as the quiet edge of panic has been creeping its way up her spine for the last few days, she remains unable to control it in any way. “usually i wouldn’t be opposed to having to take an extended leave of absence from work, but like… with the yule log lighting coming up, i’m genuinely afraid that susan will come hunt us down & drag us in by our ears,” she explains, rolling onto her stomach & casting a knowing look in shiloh’s direction. she KNOWS that the girl will understand — aside from the regular field trips from the local elementary school, the yule log lighting is one of the few times a year there’s any real traffic in the history museum & the preparation that goes into it is no joke. they do so many run-throughs leading up to the celebration that she’s pretty confident that the entirety of the history of the hemlock yule log guided tour will be burned into her memory FOREVER. “do we have to be the ones to call them? i feel like the police should do that for us, it’s their choice to detain all of us. susan can take up her issues with THEM instead of us.”

she felt awkward most of the time. 

every corner she turned, she bumped into someone she used to have some kind of positive relationship with. it was funny the amount of people she lost in just a couple of months, it almost felt like coco’s revenge. she couldn’t help her sister, so now no one could help her in return. 

some of the people she didn’t talk to anymore, she had actively pushed away. some she lost contact as a consequence of her own sorrow. the ones she didn’t mean to loose contact with hit her different, because they were the people she was expecting to fall back onto when she had no one. and when she finally started feeling human again after coming back from la and realized she had lost more than she bargained for, hopelessness set in.

so seeing how much shiloh didn’t want to talk to her was almost like reopening old wounds. the dark room used to be the place they felt the most comfortable in, and now they couldn’t even exchange a few words without it feeling strange, like maybe they were in a different universe and in this one they had never been friends before. ❝ oh. yea, um. not really thrilled about being stuck here, if i’m being honest. ❞ not that she really had holidays plans either, she’d just spend it with her father, their routine of uncomfortable silence dominating the room. ❝ so i kind of wish they’d let us go as soon as possible. ❞

shiloh put her arms around herself – a physical barrier between her and the other girl, something to keep old emotions from resurfacing. she had spent so long convincing herself that donatella hadn’t meant anything to her, that she must have made up most of the memories she had of them together, either out of loneliness or infatuation.

because how else could she explain that the person she looked up to more than anyone in the world barely deemed her important enough for a text message after a mere summer spent apart? the rumours she had heard around covington ( ‘ donatella navarro is a shallow bitch. you were friends with her? ’ ) only served to reinforce that the girl wasn’t anything at all like the girl of shiloh’s memories.

she had spent so long building up the villainous image of donatella in her head that to see her in the flesh was kind of a shock. she didn’t want to stand here talking to her as if they were friendly acquaintances, felt bile rising up her throat at the idea of making small talk with the person she once entrusted with her most intimate secrets. the thing she longed for more than anything was for her pictures to finish developing, and for her to walk out of here with that image of donatella navarro still intact. because while that donatella was in all likelihood as much of an illusion as the one shiloh once called a friend, being able to thrust the role of the villain upon her had been a comfort. after all, the alternative – the idea that she had somehow contributed to their current estrangement, that there was something about her that had stopped being worthy of attention or love… it was too much for the girl to bear.

❝ we don’t have to do this, okay? it’s fine. you don’t have to pretend we’re friends. these pictures are almost done, and then you can just go back to wishing i never enrolled at this school in the first place. ❞ she wasn’t sure if the words said aloud made her feel better or worse.

   more often than not, peyton felt like it was a fluke, her being at covington. before the melanie bullshit, before that confusing party and the police — she’d been questioning her place there, but now it felt heavier than before. the dissonance she felt with the place. 

   being stuck on campus was definitely not doing good things for peyton. 

  no one wanted to talk about, or maybe no one felt as weird about the whole thing as peyton did. her thoughts, however, came as an echo when shiloh spoke. once again, they shared the same wavelength. “no, don’t apologize, it’s fine,” peyton thought about the police questioning. the disconnected clues. she felt sick. “um, they asked about the party. and melanie. they’re trying to figure out if anyone hurt her.”

   as she said it, peyton heard how strange the words sounded. the concept of it. “yeah, i… can’t even tell if i’m overreacting by being freaked out, or what, guess i can’t be too crazy if you feel it, too, right?” 

  shiloh nodded at peyton’s words, taking every bit of information in as if it would finally provide her with the answer that was going to make this entire situation make sense. it wasn’t anything she hadn’t heard from the officers themselves, but it was nice to have a confirmation that they weren’t specifically targeting her. growing up with parents who found a reason to blame anything that went wrong on their youngest daughter, it was easy to somehow believe that this was her fault, that she had made melanie disappear by sheer force of will. and sure, she wasn’t the biggest fan of the girl while she was around, but it’s not like she wanted anything to actually happen to her.

  she leaned her head on her knees, blowing a strand of hair away from her face. “fuck, don’t talk to me about overreacting. i just feel like – like they’re waiting for one of us to trip up and admit to something, and i’m scared it’s gonna be me, which is crazy because i – i haven’t even done anything.” she laughed again, rubbing her face with her hands slightly aggressively. “you know, my theory’s actually that she’s on a beach somewhere, drinking a cocktail and laughing about our winter break being ruined. she always seemed so perfect. that couldn’t have all been real. just look at how many people hated her guts. there was something... off there, y’know?”

   “god, fucking tell me about it,” peyton’s eyes rolled hard. the comfort that could be found in just complaining about something so normal surprised her. usually, academics were the last thing the blonde ever wanted to think of, much less discuss, but it sure beat the current elephant in the room. 

   thanks to maverick’s ever so kind helpfulness in supplying peyton with booze (almost on command) and other vices, she’d managed to stay fairly blitzed since the party. it wasn’t in character for her, but peyton was eager for the chance to just try and fade out the world while this madness continued. she knew she as innocent — eventually everyone else would, too. until then? 

   fuck the world. 

 “all the they have me doing in psychology is useless because i’m gonna fail my math, and, i don’t know, probably others. it’s ironic since the only thing i’m actually doing good in is what i want to do for work but they don’t care because i can’t algebra correctly. fucking over it. i just want out.” 

   “that fucking sucks, man. math is a fake subject anyway. nothing a computer won’t do for you.” shiloh nodded in solidarity. in a school that prided itself on its academics, coming across someone who didn’t have their nose stuck in a textbook for the majority of the day was a bit of a rarity. it was exactly for that reason that shiloh felt so comfortable in the presence of the other girl.

  shiloh shifted uncomfortably, her hand coming up to play with the necklace she put on that morning. “hey, are you doing like… okay? what did they – what’d they ask you?” she asked, trying not to sound too eager. ever since her interrogation she had been dying to know what the other students stuck on campus were going through, whether they were singling them out or really just ‘gathering information’, as one of the officers had told her. she laughed a breathy little laugh, realizing how paranoid she was getting. “sorry, i – i shouldn’t have asked. you shouldn’t even tell me, probably. it’s just that all of this is really fucking with my head. like, what the hell is going on?” despite her earlier resolution, the bottle she was holding was lifted to her mouth and she gulped a few mouthfuls of it down. there was no way she was doing this sober.

         she should know to expect an indifferent response by now. her proximity to shiloh, both due to them sharing a campus and sharing blood, has meant that their interactions are more frequent than aurelia would like. unlike shiloh, she always obeyed instructions and delivered exactly what was asked of her — if not more. aurelia grew up in an asphyxiating world of expectations, as atlas carrying the world of the world on her shoulders while keeping her body poised and her expression stoic.

         she should know to expect nothing but indifference, yet she’s still taken aback by shiloh’s dismissal of her vile attitude — and invitation to lunch. for a second, aurelia fumes. it feels almost disrespectful, as her venomous words are brushed off and disregarded without a second thought. aurelia knows she should be used to it by now. yet as features remain unfazed, something within her stings. she blinks in surprise a couple of times, parts her mouth — speechless, for once, but she masks it with a fake cough. ‘ i … suppose i have nothing better to do, ’ aurelia concedes, cursing her empty schedule and the lack of people on campus. despite everything, family is family. and she knows her parents would approve of her having lunch with shiloh. ‘ so. which five-star restaurant in campus are we having lunch at ? ’

         she feels a flutter in her chest, the beginning of a smile starting to form on her face before she promptly straightens it back into a neutral look. in truth, she’s always admired her cousin, and the girl wanting to spend time with her is something that’s precious to her — even if it’s something as silly and meaningless as a lunch date. yes, aurelia grew up with pressures that shiloh knew nothing of and is grateful she hasn’t experienced, but she is a success story in the most conventional sense of the word. she’s majoring in a perfectly respectable field, has exceeded the expectations of her family and will go on to grow their wealth. shiloh’s childhood was filled with a chorus of ‘ oh honey, if you could just try to be a little bit more like aurelia ’. while she knows she would never be happy being fitted into the same mold that aurelia was poured into, she feels a strange sense of nostalgia for a life she could have had if she had just … tried a little harder.          as she finishes carelessly dumping art supplies into her backpack, shiloh slings the bag over her shoulder and turns to aurelia. ‘ dealer’s choice. i’m personally a big fan of the dining hall in the main building. the food is so good that i can almost tell what dish they were trying to serve. ’

✦ * · ˚ 001. with shiloh → @ofshilch​ .

location: the dark room .

the thing with being a suspect of murder in this particular case, or whatever else they were, is that other people were stuck in covington too. and, most of the time, the people she bumped into, weren’t really the most welcoming. it’s not like donatella could complain about being not being liked, those were the consequences of her actions. she deserved it. 

she made her bed and, instead of lying in it, she just jumped until it broke and now she had a messy and broken bed to sleep in.

now, stuck in a dark room with shiloh, both of them in the middle of revealing some pictures, silence was deafening. ❝ so… you’re also stuck here, huh ? ❞ donnie tried breaking the ice. it wasn’t that they couldn’t leave covington, the most pressing matter right now is that they couldn’t even leave the room. ❝ did you have plans for the holliday ? ❞

if shiloh had known the dark room was occupied by a familiar face, she wouldn’t have even bothered to go in. she had come here specifically to avoid human interactions. the repetitive process of developing pictures kept her hands busy and soothed her hectic mind. by the time she realized the figure working next to her in the dark was donatella navarro, she was already half-way through the process - and anyway, ruining a perfectly good set of pictures to avoid an awkward conversation was just impractical. so she stayed; stubbornly deciding that she wasn’t going to be the first one to break the silence. she vividly remembered their time in their high school’s dark room, not a second gone to waste as they filled every moment with laughter and conversation. the memory evoked a pang of sadness.

stuck in her own thoughts, she only caught the tail end of what donatella was asking her. ❝ huh, what ? oh, yeah. yes. holiday, ❞ she fumbled, trying to remember how to form something resembling a normal sentence. the time in her life when she and donnie had been able to talk about anything seemed more distant than ever. ❝ uhm, no travel for me this winter, actually. my family’s being pretty insistent on me spending the holiday with them. so, you know – hell on earth. i’m actually kind of hoping this mess with melanie doesn’t get cleared up for another little while, which probably makes me a horrible person. you ? ❞

TASK 001 → ❛ interrogation . ❜

MENTIONED: @covingtonhqs​ @cagcdbirds​ @brickyellow​

hello pals ! i feel like i’ve introduced myself like twelve times for this rp by now but just in case you haven’t had the displeasure of meeting me yet, i’m mira (she/her), 22, gmt+1. i’ll be writing shiloh jeong, the twenty year old art history major aka the unwritten page. shiloh might be a messy bitch, but she’s trying her best and that’s what matters :((