ᴘᴜᴛ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ

penelope drew back in confusion, eyebrows pulling together. donatella the problem? “what the fuck are you on about?” it hardly even came out as a question, and penelope tried to conjure up anything in her brain that would tell her why donatella would think she was a problem. “did you sleep with someone i liked or something? because i don’t give a shit about any of that.” well, okay, maybe she would care a little bit, but in the grand scheme of things that wouldn’t even be her issue. the issue was that donnie had just ghosted her, kicked her to the curb without a single word. penelope could forgive a whole lot, but she couldn’t forgive donatella for something she didn’t even know she did. “i’ve never had an issue with you. why would you think that?” she had a problem with donatella’s new best friend for sure, but that wasn’t donnie. her mom used to tell her that you were the company you kept. had she been wrong about her best friend this whole time? she couldn’t be, that would be stupid. donnie couldn’t fake who she was for that long, could she? 

“i want my best friend back.” that was it. that’s all she’d wanted this whole time. she didn’t react or say anything as donatella wiped up the hot chocolate she spilled, pushing her mug again to spill more just to be an asshole. “boo-fucking-hoo, donnie. you think i don’t know what death feels like? you were at my dad’s funeral.” she was still angry, and then she seemed to realize what donatella was saying. she reined in her attitude, running her fingers through her hair as she forced herself to take a deep breath. what had gone on in donnie’s life that had made her the way she was now? what had gone on in the time that her and penny weren’t talking? did penelope even want to know? “don… what happened? i’m not going to understand if you don’t just fucking spit it out.” maybe she wasn’t being the nicest about it, but she didn’t take kindly to donatella acting like she was being dramatic and unfair. “i’m here for you. even when you weren’t talking to me i’ve been here for you. you can tell me anything.” 

❝ did i... ? do you not remember i had a boyfriend back then ? a boyfriend i loved ? unless he was the ‘person you liked’, no i didn’t sleep with whomever that was. ❞ she couldn’t stop the scoff that left her lips -- of course penelope would act like she didn’t understand what donnie was talking about and would try to deflect, she was always the kindest one in their relationship. but even with penny’s denial, it was easy to realize that she was the reason for every bad thing that happened in their friendship -- she was the one who had ghosted her best friend and she was the one who wasn’t around when her melanie went missing ( and then declared dead by some random person ). she was the one who had been friends with the only suspect who had been arrested for it. when they still talked, donatella loved that about penny; now, it just made her feel like shit. like she had to, not only know she was a bitch, but admit it out loud too. but she was stubborn, so all that she said was, ❝ don’t you pretend you don’t know what i’m talking about. it doesn’t matter anymore, let it go. ❞

at penny’s words, she swallowed had. donnie would’ve loved to go back to how things had been before she graduated high school, but too much had happened -- it just wasn’t possible. ❝ she doesn’t exist anymore, penny. ❞ her tone was soft, the contrast with her words almost daunting to her. as penelope spilled even more hot chocolate on the table, she rolled her eyes. it was just typical of the younger girl; to act out harshly when things didn’t go as she had hoped. ❝ yeah. i recall. ❞ she replied, taking more napkins to wipe the mess penny had made; she was used to messes by now.  ❝ whatever happened doesn’t matter anymore -- it happened years ago. it’s over and done with. ❞ she regretted alluding to what happened with coco, she should’ve known penelope wouldn’t let it go; penny had always been too curious for her own good. it was too late now, she had to distract her ex friend somehow.  ❝ this is something you don’t need to understand. you can’t. so worry about your family, they’re your priority right now. ❞

                       THE BRAXTON FAMILY HOLIDAY PARTY is quite possibly the worst night of maverick’s year –– each year he tries to convince himself that it’ll get easier, that he’ll become more sure of himself, that he’ll finally be okay mentioning to the whole entire fucking world that he’s not interested in theatre anymore, that he’s pursuing philosophy now. that he has other dreams other than the ones his father planned for him. every year, he tries to muster up the confidence ( with the help of some liquid courage, as of recently ) to say something, but each time, he hits a wall. like the cold realization that lying his way through one more night is less of a task than destroying his family legacy. 

it’s hard –– fibbing about the classes he’s taking, the roles he’s preparing for, the playwrights he admires. he can’t even resort to more destructive tactics to keep himself afloat: it’s far too risky, the way he might spill his change of heart, if under the influence of something a little stronger than champagne. add on top of that, the looming question of melanie’s death –– the only thing maverick thinks is EASY to admit is that he’s hating every moment of this, his bowtie feels tighter and tighter around his neck every minute. 

and of course, locking eyes with his ex from across the room doesn’t do him any favors. in fact, it makes his heart sink. what’s she doing here ? his mind starts running, just as it always does –– doesn’t she know that this is the worst fucking night of my years ? doesn’t she know that the last time she was here, we were together ? doesn’t she know that i’m already confused out of my GODDAMNED mind ? he doesn’t find the courage to walk toward her, either, his feet tugging him the exact opposite way, in fact. that’s it, he tells himself. seeing her is the sign he needs to excuse himself from his social obligations –– i’ve done enough chatting for the night.

he excuses himself from the latest conversation ( something boring and dull, like inheritance taxes ), feeling absolutely sick to his stomach. he runs for a nearby bathroom; he’s choked up –– he doesn’t know what to say, his palms are sweating profusely, his chest hitching with every breath. it’s certainly EMBARRASSING that someone has the power to push him over the edge, to feel immediately out of control of his own emotions. their last conversation had left him confused as ever –- that they were able to go from yelling matches to comforting conversations in a blink of an eye. he had replayed her words in his head a dozen times: the way she seemed like she flirted with him, the way she complimented him, the way she encouraged him –– but also the way she dismissed him, the way she frustrated him, the way she berated him for being stubborn. it INFURIATES him, how much he’s let her dictate his wellbeing, even now, years after they had presumedly severed ties. 

he needs to feel in CONTROL, needs something to get him through the night. he’s cursed himself for making his own terrible habits so accessible for himself –– and reaches into the inner pocket of his suit jacket to procure a small bag of fine white powder, and begins to create alluring lines with his credit card. he’s halfway through inhaling one when the door swings open, the chatter of the party streaming into the room –– along with one donatella navarro. “fuck.” he locks eyes with hers again, the second time that evening, and for a moment, he’s stunned.

but a split second later, maverick jumps from his hunched over position, immediately rushing to shut the door she had just opened. “you didn’t see anything,” he almost shouts as he slams the door and makes sure it’s locked this time. it’s as if she had just opened pandora’s box –– his secret habits nearly revealed to anyone who just happened to pass by. he supposes it could be worse –– she could have been his father, his mother, or any of the other guests at the party whose allegiance was with his parents, not him. he’d hoped, at least, that donnie wouldn’t say anything to them. if she still cared, she wouldn’t. 

his back and his palms lies flat against the door, like the weight of his body add another layer of protection against donnie re-entering the room. eyes flicker to the other white line, and he looks at it as if it’s the only thing that will bring him salvation now. and so he submits –– just as he’s not strong enough to stand up for himself, he’s not strong enough to admit he can persevere, especially not with talking to donnie, without a little help.

nothing could’ve prepared her for what she had just witnessed; she knew she wasn’t seeing things - she had had only one glass of champagne thus far. donatella hoped she had misunderstood the situation, but she knew that the white powder laid out next to his credit card on the bathroom counter top wasn’t baby powder or salt. not only that, but the way that maverick quickly left his spot to close the bathroom door again was very telling - he had always prized his privacy, that’s true, but the action had been urgent, DESPERATE. it seemed like he had been trying to hide his sins, but they were out in the open - at least to her. 

the sound of the door closing in front of her made her jump - if she hadn’t been caught of guard, she would’ve already been inside the bathroom once maverick locked the door. notes of classical music and polite chatter from the guests invaded the hallway, but it all seemed too distant - all her concentration was on the door that had been recently closed on her face. if she was being philosophical, the whole situation could’ve been seen as a metaphor; her ex was finally putting a stop to whatever they still were, telling her that she had no place seeing him vulnerable, kicking her out of his life once and for all. her eyes were starting to burn from not blinking - had anyone been around when she first tried to enter the bathroom ? she tried to remember the seconds that preceded that moment, but her mind was blank. all she could remember was maverick bending down, fine white powder disappearing from the counter. fuck. 

“is the bathroom in use ?” a voice asked from behind her, startling her out of her reverie. she turned to the person, eyes wild.  ❝ oh, yes. my friend ate something that’s not agreeing with his stomach, you might want to find another bathroom. ❞ she quickly said, surreptitiously looking around to check if she could see anyone else. no one. as the old lady scurried away, a disgusted look contorting her face, donnie caught sight of a waiter walking by. she quickly called him to her side, before taking two glasses of champagne and chugging the contents of one as if it was tequila, before putting the empty flute back on the tray.  ❝ my friend isn’t feeling very well right now. ❞ she started, pointing at the closed door behind her.  ❝ i need you to tell your boss that it’s advised that no one else gets into this hallway... the smell is probably not going to be pleasant. ❞ the brunette lied to the overwhelmed looking guy, before shooing him away. this was very, very bad. 

as the waiter left the hallway, taking him with him a drunk straggler, she turned back to the closed door. ok, so what now ? she had no clue how long she had been standing there - how long he had been locked inside with that powder taunting him, but she knew she had to do something. taking a sip of the champagne in her hand for courage, she knocked gently on the door.  ❝ maverick ? it’s just me. please open the door. ❞ she tried coaxing him to open the door even though she knew it was probably a lost cause. she swallowed hard, before getting even closer to the door, her forehead touching it lightly. this is not the time to act like you’re in a movie, you dumb bitch, her own voice echoed inside her mind, but she ignored it.  ❝ i... i didn’t see anything. ❞ donatella lied, remembering his words to her as slammed the door on her face.  ❝ i just really need to go to the bathroom and... you know... it’s been a... while since i’ve been here. i don’t remember where any other bathroom is. please... open the door. ❞ 

it had probably been a bad idea, casually speaking of the last time she had been to this same party as if it hadn’t been when they had been dating and in love - reminding him of a time in which this situation would’ve never occurred. but her words were now out in the universe, there was no do over. she briefly wondered what had triggered him into doing lines in the middle of a party in his parents house, but she didn’t really have to think too deep - this same party had always been the bane of his existence, one more thing that his parents used as leverage on him, another reason why he didn’t live up to their expectations in his mind. it was as if his inability to enjoy this circus justified the lack of emotional support coming from his parents, just another reason why they couldn’t let him know that they loved him just the way he was, that he was amazing. she felt tears prickle her eyes, at least he didn’t have to worry about her and her own problems anymore.

donnie couldn’t judge him for taking solace in the white powder, not when she had almost fallen victim to its ALLURE the night of the debate party - she knew if darcy hadn’t caught her buying the damn bag, she could’ve been the one on the other side of the door right now. she still had the incriminating white powder, lying hidden underneath her bed; she had been scared to do anything else with it and out of sight, out of mind, right ? but she hadn’t realized how bad it would’ve made her feel until she saw maverick snorting it like he needed it to survive, until she realized how LONELY the act was - there he was, one of the most sociable people she had ever met, hiding away in his own house, doing something he knew no one would approve.  ❝ i have seen you in every possible way by now, you know. nothing you’re doing right now would scare me or... whatever. ❞  the brunette gently tried the door knob with her unoccupied hand, but the door didn’t move. she had known he had locked it, she heard the click as soon as he closed the door, but she hoped that she had only imagined it. ❝ z... please... please, just let me in. ❞  her voice broke, but he probably couldn’t hear it from the other side of the wooden door.

penny wasn’t sure what she wanted donnie to say, but it wasn’t that. maybe she just wanted someone to prove her wrong, tell her with certainty that her sister was fine somewhere, that she was really in mexico with their abuelita sipping on horchata and laughing at the fact that everyone missed her. maybe someone had really spoken to her in secret, or maybe penelope would get a call from a phone booth in santa fe, and melanie would be on the other end saying she was glad to be free of the pressure to be perfect and that she was fine. instead, all she got was donatella essentially agreeing with her. “yeah.” her reply was short, unable to say anything else. if she talked about the fucking shovel, or that aurelia had been donnie’s friend and she’d been arrested… she didn’t want to face that conversation. it made her hot with anxiety.

she didn’t know what she’d been expecting. it wasn’t like donatella had ever tried to reach out to her and fix things; no birthday texts, no phone calls, no flowers thrown onto the stage from the audience, no dropping by to say hello or check-in. donatella has given her nothing, and she was still giving her nothing. she wanted to cry, but if donatella was going to be that way she was done shedding tears in front of her. her leg bounced underneath the table, suddenly getting angry. “why not?” she’d never gotten an explanation why. it’d been years of not even getting left on read, her messages never opened. going to all the places she used to go with donatella and seeing her there with someone else. “fuck you, donnie.” she fumed, expression tight as she pushed her hot chocolate away from her so hard some of it sloshed out of the mug. “what did i do? i’m sorry but i literally don’t know so tell me. fucking do something for me for once and tell me.” not only was donnie not going to tell but she was going to deprive her of hearing the one thing she knew penelope wanted to hear? “my fucking sister is probably in a ditch somewhere and you fucking hope for my happiness? fuck you.” 

it was easy for donnie to realize when she had fucked up -- she did it so often now, that she could recognize the signals in other people’s stances in a second. the disappointment penny felt at her reply was almost palpable. still, she couldn’t bring herself to apologize, to do anything other than keep her facade up. if she was being honest with herself, it’s not like she had anything of substance to tell penelope — her friend had just been arrested for melanie’s... whatever and she had never liked the missing ( murdered ? ) girl anyway. so when penny only agreed with her, she only took another sip of her hot chocolate. still didn’t burn her tongue. maybe she should ask for someone to reheat it.

but, suddenly, penny was screaming at her, her own hot chocolate spilling out in the table. she always knew her ex best friend wouldn’t just keep taking it — that she would, someday, explode on her. and she deserved it, se really did, so she just took it. ❝ people change, penelope. ❞ she started, her tone quieter than the other girls — there was enough attention on them because of the extenuating circumstances. it wasn’t of any help, penny was already too far gone. ❝ nothing ! you didn’t do anything ! have you ever stopped to think that maybe i’m the real problem. ❞ her voice was higher than intended, but when as soon as she realized it, she took a deep breath to contain herself. 

❝ look. i’m sorry about melanie, i really am. ❞ more than you’ll ever know ❝ but i’m not sure what you want from me right now. it’s been...  years, penny. ❞ she said, taking some napkins to wipe down the mess penelope had made. ❝ so yeah. scream at me just how much you fucking want to, but i’m tired of this shit. i’m EXHAUSTED. the way you’re feeling right now ? that’s how i’ve been feeling for years, only worse because for me it’s d e f i n i t i v e. so maybe you can fuck off right now.  ❞ she probably shouldn’t have hinted about what happened in la, not to someone who had no idea about coco, but she was done pretending. she was over it.

“hey.” penelope didn’t have the energy to truly question donatella. this whole time all she’d wanted were answers, some explanation, some reasoning as to why donatella had cut her off, but she wondered if donna knew her better than she knew herself. maybe penelope didn’t want to know why, maybe it would hurt her feelings, or dredge up something she didn’t want to think about anymore, and maybe donna was sparing her. was that it? or was it just about donatella? didn’t she know that she could tell penny anything? that she shouldn’t feel the need to hide anything because penny was going to love her no matter what? she remembered reading the instructions on a box of tampons in confusion when donatella had been the first of them to get their period, sitting in the bathtub in their bathing suits and shaving each other’s legs when they realized it wasn’t cool to have leg hair, sitting in front of donatella’s mirror as they tried to straighten penny’s hair with a too-old flat iron. 

“yeah. shit’s crazy.” was that all donatella could come up with to say? at least she wasn’t trying to push the conversation to end immediately like she normally did, or just straight up get up and leave penny high and dry. “uhm-…” she swiped a finger through her whipped cream, sucking it from her index finger as she thought about what to say. “… i don’t think she’s coming back.” she hadn’t admitted that out loud yet, that she had a bad feeling that something bad had happened to her sister. she’d been trying to stay optimistic, trying to put those vibes out into the universe so that whoever or whatever could pick it up and make her prayers true. but-… if melanie was dead there was no coming back from it, and no amount of praying was going to make her rise from wherever she’d ended up. “and uh…” she hesitated more, eyebrows drawn together as she thought. “i just wanted you to know that even if we never come back from whatever happened between us, i love you. that’s probably dramatic, but i…” she hadn’t gotten a resolution with melanie, but she could still let donatella know. make sure that if something were to happen to her tomorrow, or to donatella, that her old best friend would know that.

if there was something that this whole situation with melanie had taught her, it was that people tended to forget social norms - if it could be called that - when tragedies struck. normally, she wouldn’t be sitting in front of penelope at one in the morning drinking hot chocolate as if the past two years hadn’t happened, but she just didn’t have it in her to send the younger girl away - not when the person missing was her sister. so she just sipped on her beverage, looking at anywhere but her ex best friend. those last few days hadn’t been easy to her, who had never been melanie’s biggest fan, she couldn’t imagine how difficult it must have been to penny and to their mother. she recalled how it had been when her father had passed away, how lost and sad her friend had been. how she had gone to donnie’s house as if to look for any semblance of normalcy, and cried herself to sleep every day she slept over. 

how donatella had decided, one day, that her friend deserved to know she would always be by her side, so they talked about anything and everything until five in the morning - how that was the first day that penelope didn’t cry herself to sleep after what happened to her father.

she recalled the last time they had talked, when penelope told her she didn’t have anyone to talk to - she had been that person for her, right alongside melanie. now they were both gone. donnie would’ve liked to be able to go back, to still be the person her friend needed her to be, but too much time had passed. there was no coming back, anymore. when the other girl started talking, she almost forced herself to keep her eyes away, to pretend that she didn’t care, but she couldn’t. she owed it to penny to listen, to care. even if it was just for a night.  ❝ it must be... difficult to come to this realization. i’m sorry. ❞ she replied, awkwardly. she wanted to tell penelope that everything would be ok, but she couldn’t lie. not right now.  ❝ oh. yeah, um... we are two different people now, i don’t think... we could ever go back. ❞ her tone of voice was gentle, even if her words weren’t. she knew she should’ve just told penny that she would always love her too, to accept those words and comfort her friend the way she could, but giving her hope of a impossible future would’ve been too cruel.  ❝ i still... hope for your happiness, though. you should know that. ❞ 

bean me up was both a blessing and a curse. on one hand, caffeine. on the other… caffeine. austin had been there multiple times a day at this point, a fact they weren’t proud of, but not anything they’d taken the initiative to actually put a stop to. their energy levels were already cranked up to an eleven on a normal day, but between all the coffee in their system and a nearly empty campus, they were restless. every inch of the campus had been explored by them within the first 24 hours, at least they thought so, so these trips back and forth to bean me up were mostly to kill time. besides, there was always someone worth talking to.

except this time, apparently. they’d just gotten their coffee and were turning to leave when the familiar voice caught their attention. turning slowly, austin considered their options. being respectful and decent was out for them, it usually was no matter the case, but this was reinforced especially with donnie. as laidback as they could be, austin was known to have a temper, and hold some serious rage. the only two people who were unfortunate enough to fall victim to this side of them were their own father, and donatella “christ, you’re like a fucking rash.” it wasn’t that anything about her personally set them off, at one point austin would consider her one of their favorite people. but if you mess with one braxton, you mess with all of them “you know, i’m not surprised you’re stuck here.”

donnie should’ve just stayed quiet, but her need for attention surpassed her self-love. austin, once upon a time, had been like a little sibling to her. now, they were just one more person that couldn’t stand being in her presence. it was almost ironic how she understood the younger braxton - if she had a choice, she wouldn’t want to be around herself either. nonetheless, it still hurt to see the disgust on their face when they saw her; she deserved it, of course, considering how things went down with austin’s brother. and later with their friend, at the debate party. still, she wasn’t about to let them see how much she missed having a normal conversation with them, so she readied herself for the slaughtering she was about to receive.

being compared to a rash, however, wasn’t the most insulting thing she had ever been called before. in fact, it was funny. ❝ yes, and you should probably walk around with an ointment around, i have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of each other for a while. ❞ she agreed, amusement clear on her face. she felt her eyebrow raise at austin’s declaration - it was a clear attempt of saving face, considering everyone knew how she felt about melanie.  ❝ oh ? ❞ the brunette asked, trying to seem nonchalant. turning around briefly to pay for her coffee, she continued,  ❝ and why exactly is that ? ❞

date: december 24th, 8:30 p.m.

location: the braxton’s annual holiday party .

donatella didn’t know what she was doing at the braxton’s mansion. perhaps it was the false sense of security her last encounter with her ex had gave her, perhaps it was the masochist in her that made her show up, but for the first time in two years she stood there. as she looked up to its grandiose stature, the brunette realized that the last time she had been to their annual holiday party, she had been maverick’s girlfriend - she had been welcomed. now, she was probably persona non grata by the whole family. she hoped that none of the braxton siblings decided to do something rash, like kick her out - that would be humiliating. 

taking a deep breath, she walked in, high heels clicking on the foyer. the familiarity of the event, even after not attending for the last two years, was HAUNTING. she remembered how maverick had hated having to take part in it, how he dreaded the event for months before. it occurred to her that maybe that was the reason why she was really there - the last time she had talked to maverick, it had been... interesting. for a while, it had felt like they were back together and that everything would be fine. but their encounter had also left her worried about his well being - something about his expression that day and the begs under his eyes had spooked her. 

she had convinced herself that she wouldn’t actually talk to him at the party, just make sure he was alright and leave. well, maybe drink a few glasses of champagne and then leave. so when she noticed him, mere minutes of entering the ballroom, she didn’t really know what to do. maybe she should just assess his appearance and ignore him for the rest of the time she was there. yes, good plan. 

it turned out to be a BAD plan, she realized as soon as she locked eyes with her ex. his eyes weren’t as empty as they were when she went to his apartment and the bags on his eyes weren’t visible from the distance, but there was no disguising his unwelcoming expression. donnie looked away after what seemed like centuries, an anxious feeling forming on the pit of her stomach. this is not good at all. snatching a champagne flute from the waiter that was passing by and turning around. she needs privacy. it took her a while to remember where the closest bathroom was, but she couldn’t help her sigh of relief when she finally found the door. drinking the remains of the drink in her hand, she entered the room - only to be surprised that she wasn’t alone.  ❝ oh, i’m sorry. i didn’t know there wa- maverick ? what are you doing ? ❞

penelope couldn’t sleep. she thought being home would help, but it really just made her feel melanie’s absence more. she felt awful for being sick of missing her sister, but to be fair it was mostly because she wanted her sister home, not because she wanted her to stay gone. she just wanted some kind of confirmation, some kind of sign that melanie was okay, or that she wasn’t okay. everything being up in the air was stressing her out more than she realized it would when melanie being missing went public. the holidays were already stressful, and having to deal with all of this just made everything worse. penelope always missed her dad more this time of year, missed him coming home from work to help decorate the tree, make cookies, drink a disgusting amount of eggnog with penelope. christmas had never felt the same without him but melanie had tried to keep the traditions alive with her, tried to help relieve the tenderness that they both felt every time christmas came around. and now penelope didn’t have her either.

she didn’t know if seeing donatella made her feel better or worse, as she sat at the bar of the diner and ordered a hot chocolate. clearly, neither of them could sleep if they were here at the stupidly late hour of one in the morning. she didn’t know if she would ever get melanie back, and with the way things were going it didn’t seem like she would. but donatella…? it was pretty clear that she didn’t want penelope in her life anymore, but penny was tired of losing people. she wanted her dad back, she wanted her sister back, she wanted her best friend back, and since it didn’t seem like she wasn’t going to get the first two…

against her better judgment she stood from her seat to join donatella where she was sitting in a booth, sliding in across from her and setting her hot chocolate with extra whipped cream on the table. she didn’t bother saying anything. penny knew they both weren’t doing too hot if they were both here. if donatella told her to leave she would, but she’d have to have the balls to tell penny without just hinting at it. 

donatella was going crazy - first it was the whole ‘where is melanie rivera ?’ situation, then the posters. now, aurelia choi had just been arrested; aurelia, her friend and the person she idolized. she couldn’t think, she couldn’t sleep. she didn’t really want to buy anything, and that was a real PROBLEM for her. the police had allowed the twenty something students to leave campus now, but for some reason she hadn’t gone home. she could’ve pretended she didn’t know why she had stayed, but she knew the exact reason why - she couldn’t bear the expression in her father’s why when he realized she wasn’t just the worst daughter he could ever have, but she was also a suspect in a murder case. 

the last time a development related to melanie’s case came out, she went to maverick’s house and spilled her guts to him - just one more thing she needed to add to her list of regrets. so when she started considering texting someone she definitely shouldn’t once again, she threw her phone across her bedroom and left her apartment - donnie didn’t know if eden had gone back home but she hoped she hadn’t, because she didn’t have her keys with her.  it also probably wasn’t advised for a vulnerable looking girl to be out at almost one in the morning, but she almost wanted to tempt fate. to be the next one go missing, because maybe after that other people’s lives would finally get better. maybe even melanie would show up again, alive and well. 

fortunately for her - or, if she was being totally honestly, unfortunately -, nothing really happened on her way to her favorite diner. the brunette smiled at the owner, before asking for a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and sitting at her favorite table. that had been her and penelope’s thing when they were still friends, but she couldn’t help but feel a little surprised when her favorite rivera sister sat in front of her. the last time they talked, it had been weird.  but she really couldn’t keep pretending that she didn’t miss her best friend, not right now.  ❝ hi, penny. ❞ she sighed, before taking a sip of her beverage. she hoped it burned her tongue, made her feel something other than hopeless and lost.  ❝ shit’s crazy, huh ? ❞

ella shot donnie a less queasy smile. she sounded… genuine, like she actually wanted this party to happen. “yeah, but we should… probably distract them, in that case. nothing too easily frustrating or difficult.” just hard enough to keep your brain occupied. thats the only way ella had survived high school, was by keeping busy at all times, with clubs and sports and academics. “maybe some christmas movies? i dunno.”

donnie’s suggestion of a scavenger hunt, though, that sounded really good. “i really like that. we could ask the janitors to open up some of the buildings for us, hide them in there. all around the theater and the library,” ella grinned at the prospect, pulling her phone out to write all this down. “thats a great idea, donna!” this really could work out to be a great party. “okay, lets see… we won’t be outside for too long, but we should still probably have like… hot chocolate and stuff for people afterwards. oh, and prizes! i don’t know what kind of prizes we could get, but… we could find something i’m sure.”

she looked back up at donna, smile faltering as she realized she was getting really, really excited in front of a woman she didn’t really know all that well; somehow, ella had become embarrassed about expressing emotion. she squeezes her lips together, staring back down at her phone. “and, uh, what, what would be in the surviving covington kit? alcohol, i’m presuming, but… would it be all alcohol?”

she could do this, she knew she could. it had always been easy for donatella to ignore her feelings to make people happy, make them like her, or at least give her a modicum of attention. in this case, she knew that she didn’t need to go too far or do too much for it to happen, ella was a good person. she’d never make donnie feel ignored or unwanted - at least not on purpose. ❝ it’s not like i could make anything too difficult anyway. ❞ and she meant it, even if her tone was amused. ❝ i don’t know how interested most of us would be in christmas movies, but it’s a thought. i take it back, anything is better than these posters, people would actually show up.❞

it wasn’t always that people appreciated her ideas. in fact, everytime she dared to externalize them nowadays, she was met with instant disapproval. she was the first to admit that she wasn’t the brightest student around, she had to really dedicate herself to the sat’s to be able to enroll, and it had been two years since she didn’t feel judged at every word that left her lips. so ella being actually excited at something she sugested was EXHILARATING. a real smile graced her lips for the first time since this whole mess began, ❝ it is ? ❞ she asked, sounding almost surprised. ❝ i mean, i know it is. i just didn’t think you’d agree with me. ❞ she continued, not wanting ella to notice her insecurities. ❝ sure, hot chocolate is a good idea. but we could also have a little tequila to warm everybody too. ❞ it was funny just how different they were from each other. ❝ you know what, ella ? i only care about one possible prize… a ouija board. please. ❞

donatella could almost feel the whiplash coming with the amount of times that ella’s emotions had changed ever since she arrived. the brunette always prided herself in knowing how to read people, everyone needed her to be a different version of herself, and ella was proving to be a little harder to please. ❝ oh, absolutely. alcohol is a must. ❞ with the way things were going, donatella suspected alcohol was the only way to survive this quarantine like situation. ❝ we’re obviously including the ouija board, ❞ she started, not really giving ella the option to take it off the list. ❝ and your hot chocolate. maybe a little bath bomb or something ? we probably can have a little party after it too. ❞

                           HE LOOKS LIKE HE’D GOTTEN stuck in the path of a wind turbine while wrestling with a horse. perhaps not that disheveled, his completely ransacked mental state only exacerbated his disordered mood. he wouldn’t have cared — he’d spent the last week and a half with bed head and clothes so wrinkled his mother would have a field day if she’d seen him. but it dawns on him that donnie might be coming over, and he’s sent into a mindset filled with even more FRENZY.

maverick’s current array of feelings toward donnie were … COMPLEX, to say the least. these days, every time he’d see her, he’d just get HEATED, reminded of their previous conversation — or rather, argument. time and time again, he’d become more and more frustrated, and no closer to understanding her justification of how and why she’d become so mad at him, especially after they hadn’t even interacted in … months ? years ?

he didn’t have to be left guessing, he remembered the exact date when she had decided to give up on them — and kept arguing that maverick hadn’t made much of an effort to stay, either. maverick wishes he could remember everything they had said that night, but a mix of adrenaline, heartbreak, and his active pursuits in blocking out the pain from that night had muddled his memories. he’d remembered begging her to stay, to reconsider, to re-evaluate what she had in front of her. but it was all for nothing; at the end of the day, neither of them wanted to fight any longer.

he changes into a less-wrinkled shirt and jeans, partially because he’d be embarrassed to present himself in his previous wardrobe to her, partially because he, for whatever reason, feels the need to look more put together than he seems — particularly for donnie. it’s clear that maverick doesn’t exactly LIKE being vulnerable in front of others, his ex-girlfriend especially. for so long, he’d fought to get to a place where he both looked and felt fine without her. it’d taken him some time, a couple bad habits picked up along the way, but he could say he had gotten there thanks to a lot of self-reflection. still, she has the uncanny ability to draw emotion from him, these days only ones that are raw and sour.

he makes a promise to himself not to let such emotions get the best of him today — that is, if she even decides to come. he presumes she’s hurting, just as much as he is. confused, startled, vaguely aware and hyper-aware at everything all at once. she wouldn’t have texted him if she wasn’t feeling DEEP in some pit. donnie had too much pride.

maverick has to do a double-take when he hears raps on the door, and has to take a breather when he confirms it’s her through the peephole. he still has absolutely no GODDAMNED idea what he’s going to say to her, what she might want to say to him, but he sees his hand reaching out to unlock the door. “ hi, ” he responds, it’s almost like an exhale it’s so soft.

just as quickly as his blood used to boil at the sound of her voice, his heart begins to tear at its seams. he realizes he hasn’t seen her like this — that is, not completely put together, head held eye with heels clacking confidently across paved floors and lipstick perfectly applied — since … well, they were together, sharing moments with each other in the privacy of their rooms where they promised themselves they wouldn’t have to put on acts. it brings a sort of comfort to him, knowing that even donnie, one of the strongest people he knows, is still affected by … all this. it’s sadistic, it’s terrible, but to him, to someone who has been held to the highest standard of perfection his entire life, it puts him at ease, if only for a moment.

“ y-yeah, of course, ” he says, shaking his head as he blinks — he wonders how long he had been paused, taking in the entire situation once more, trying so hard to understand how she’d come to the conclusion of texting HIM, of all people, for comfort. HE, whomst she had seen only days, if not hours before, that had ended in another screaming match with no sense of closure. but circumstances change — a dead childhood friend is a change that no person can be emotionally prepared for. he shuts the door behind them, taking extra precautions to lock it, for safety. “ … are … you … i-i mean. of course you’re not okay. unless … i mean, if you are, then … um. i mean good for you, if you are. a-and not in a sarcastic way, i just … i don’t … ” he stops himself from rambling, something he hardly ever finds himself doing. he’s maverick cool as a cucumber braxton. but one look into donnie’s eyes and he’s just BROKEN again. “ … sorry. um … you said … you um … needed to talk ? ” his voice tries to have some air of strength, but by the way he mumbles, it’s clear that nerves still run through his body. he doesn’t know how to BE around her now, like this. it’s not their usual tension, there’s nowhere for him to run to if he can’t deal with their antics anymore.

it didn’t take long for donatella to regret being there - it never did with her. like a moth to a flame, she was drawn to making BAD DECISIONS. for years now, she had been the sole decision maker in her relationships, the only person responsible for hurting herself. and she’d do it all over again if it meant that the people she loved would get to thrive without her. but murders had a funny way of messing with one’s psyche, she realized. perhaps that was the reason why she kept standing there instead of apologizing for bothering him, for not telling him she knew this was a mistake before turning back around and leaving to her own apartment.

more than anything, she longed to feel happy again, to remember what it was like to have someone love and care about her, to love herself. ricardo was, maybe, the only person that ever made her feel better than her ex, but she couldn’t exactly seek SYMPATHY from her father right now, so she went to the next best thing. if she was coherent, she’d be able to hear her own voice echoing in her mind, asking her why is it fair to go after maverick, haven’t you done enough to mess his life up ? why can’t you just leave him alone ? but the chaos that inhabited her was greater than her conscience. it was selfish, to reach out to him as if things were still the same, as if their relationship hadn’t blown up on their faces. she knew she’d only leave once again, leaving a trail of mayhem in her wake.

she was like a hurricane, ready to destroy everything in her path just to make her way through life.

❝ i’m sorry you have to see me like this. i’m sure you were very glad when you… we broke up. to never have see this mess again had to be a relief. ❞ she started, joking about her disheveled appearance. while he was more put together than her, it’s not like she couldn’t see the bags under his eyes - she just wasn’t ready to acknowledge what they meant. donnie also knew it wasn’t right to bring up their past together to try to break the ice, but she was used to doing the wrong thing by now, so she continued. ❝ but… you know, the situation right now doesn’t allow me to actually worry about anything else. ❞ she shrugged, forcing a lightness she didn’t feel.

it was also awkward, standing there as he stared at her, probably wishing she’d disappear the next time he blinked. that he could just turn his back and leave once again. but at that moment, she couldn’t let him think too much, so she promptly moved when he invited her in. the brunette was looking around at the unfamiliar place as he locked the door, almost surprised that she could notice his touches in the decor; it had been years, but the way she could still recognize him in small details OVERWHELMED her. a few canvases piled in the corner caught her eyes, but her attention went back to him as soon as he started talking. later, she thought.

as the jumbled words left his lips she started searching for anything in his face signalizing that she shouldn’t do what she was about to do before reaching out to touch his arm; donnie hoped that the familiarity of her touch would make him stop overthinking, stop mincing his words. her touch was hesitant, but she wasn’t strong enough to stay away so she just kept her hands right where they were. ❝ i’m sorry i invited myself over like this, i… i just… ❞ but she couldn’t concentrate, not when she could feel his skin warm against his shirt, burning her hand. not when all she could wonder about was if- when he’d move away from her, demand her to leave him alone. maybe she should drop it before he asked, it would’ve hurt less. but she didn’t. selfishly, she realized that her hand probably wasn’t a comfort for him, not like it was for her. taking a deep breath to recompose herself, she started again. ❝ it’s funny, the first thing i thought when i saw the poster was “well, fuck. it’s real, now”. the second, was to text you. to see what you were... um, yeah. i don’t think i’m ok. are you ? ❞ she asked, her voice strained.

the truth is that she didn’t know exactly what she wanted to talk to him about, if she even wanted to talk. she shouldn’t let him know that she just needed his presence right now, though, because he would’ve been in his right mind to send her on her way if realized that was the case. so she let go of his arm, shuffling out of the entryway. that one corner called out to her, but she didn’t want to annoy him right from the beginning, so she ignored it once more.

❝ i wanted to believe, you know.  ❞ she started talking again after a few seconds in silence, her voice was lower than intended. ❝ that it was all a nightmare, that she’d show up like nothing happen. hell, i hoped ashton kutcher would be with her, and we’d all laugh in the end. that i’d just turn around and be able to call her an insufferable bitch and that everything would go back to normal. ❞ she was pacing by now, not really looking at him - she didn’t even know if he was even paying attention to her. ❝ but these posters, maverick. they got me fucked up. ❞ her voice broke and she stopped pacing, turning to look at him.

she could barely see, her eyes were starting to mist over. donatella tilted her head back to look at the ceiling, she couldn’t allow the tears to fall; not in front of him. it had been years since she had last let herself be vulnerable in front of someone, in front of maverick, it felt alien to do it now. she laughed, almost bitterly, before looking at him again. ❝ now i’m really sorry to be bothering you with this. i’m sure you have better things to do. ❞ better people to see and to comfort. ❝ so... nice weather, huh ? ❞

slender digits weave their way into her hair as she leans an elbow against the back of the couch. it was beginning to become more and more apparent that this wasn’t just going to be a short conversation in passing. her anger only stood in place of her discomfort with the topic. it’s as per usual when melanie rivera is brought back to the forefront of her mind. it’s as if the girl were her shadow. constantly looming over her with the only escape being the dead of night. and yet even then she somehow creeps into her thoughts. still..donatella had nothing to do with melanie or the torment the blonde endured all those years ago and so she must remind herself to bite down on some of her frustrations now. after all the brunette was probably just as scared as she and the rest of the covington twenty three.

“so…what you’re worried history is repeating itself?” as it so often did.. no hemlock’s history is chalk full of ugly truths… as was hers… having grown up there and seen what she had seen… experienced what’s she’s been through… and all that’s gone on behind those closed doors. symbolically the town must’ve been plagued and poisoned as it’s name would suggest. “you don’t have to remind me…” eden huffs, a touch of agitation re-entering her tone once more as she’s reminded of her past with the missing girl in question. donatella doesn’t exactly have to finish her question for the girl to understand what she was getting at though it still takes her a moment to process what’s been asked. “I don’t know…” she answers truthfully. “I don’t know if I should feel good right now..or…I don’t know… upset. and..yeah it’s okay but there’s nothing we can do right now. you’ve already gone in and talked to them right?”

it was difficult to think of a time in which she didn’t care about other people’s opinions - in fact, donatella was sure she always cared. there was a possibility that it was a consequence of her mother’s abandonment, but by now she just thought that it was something so inherently her, that it had nothing to do with the situations that had shaped her. some people were made for caring too much, she was just unfortunetely one of those. sometimes, she could pretend that she wansn’t that aware of what other people’s toughts, and she pretended so well that she almost believed it herself. this time, however, she wasn’t pretending not to notice how mad eden was at the subject, how she wished donnie would just let it go and just watch the movie - she just really had to have this conversation, even if it annoyed her best friend.

even if she decided she’d just leave her behind in the end.

❝ it’s just… i heard so much about this place growing up, i know something bad happened. ❞ it was hard to remember how haunted this town was, how many tragedies it had been the center stage to. ❝ i think i always knew something would, i just figured i wouldn’t be around anymore. ❞ she confessed, uncomfortably. it had been one of the reasons she wanted to leave and never come back, before she has created roots. now she didn’t know if she’d ever leave. ❝ i’m sorry i asked. it’s just…you’re my best friend and i worry about your mental health. i’ve been kind of worried ever since the party. ❞ and it was true, eden was one of the people she had worried about the most ever since melanie went missing - her best friend had to be feeling some kind of turmoil. ❝ yes, it was… strange. almost like they didn’t know what they were looking for. what did you think about it ? ❞

ella tapped her fingers against the box, trying not to let her disappointment show on her face. this was, admittedly, a stupid plan, but it didn’t seem to be soliciting much of a response. now it was just… a stupid stationary box. “thank you.” ella slipped inside, putting the stationary box down on the table so she could untie her shoes and take them off. she looked up momentarily at the question, but looked back down at her shoes before replying, “well… a few things. i… i don’t think a secret santa would be a good idea, since we can’t leave campus, but…”

she shrugged, taking her shoes fully off before standing up. “i dunno, i was thinking… maybe a gingerbread house, if we can find the supplies. or a cookie decorating competition, or we could cook stuff together! there’s a grocery store just off campus.” it occured to ella that she sounded like a camp counselor instead of a college student, and she paused, self-conscious. “but i mean… i guess all we need is alcohol and we’ll have a good time, right? but i just…” she pushed her hands together in a distinctive motion, “i wanted to bring everyone together. we need each other right now, i think.” ella dropped her hands, shrugging, “i guess that’s why my brain went to, like, arts and crafts.”

if there was ever someone that deserved recognition for their acts of goodness around campus, that person was ella. even now, as the world seemed to be falling apart, the girl was trying to positively affect everyone else, boost morale. and while donatella could recognize the effort ella must’ve made not to appear as down as she probably was, she couldn’t really pretend she was happy at the moment - she was too drained, too freaked out for that. 

but ella is trying to do something right now. you owe it to her to help. 

so donnie swallowed her hesitation and smiled in the other girls’s direction. ❝ i’m happy you came to me, we can do this. ❞ she hoped her tone was encouraging, that her clear change in attitude would cheer her up again. ❝ and you never know, people get really creative in restrictive situations, but you’re right. people probably don’t want to think too hard right now. ❞ she didn’t want to think too hard right now. her mind was so consumed by melanie’s disappearance and all the circumstances surrounding it, that she wasn’t sure she’d even have any brain cells to spare. 

❝ i’m not sure if we have the necessary materials for the gingerbread house or the cooking competition, though.❞ the brunette rejected, kindly. she also didn’t think a lot of people would be interested on those activities, not while there were so many posters announcing melanie’s death all around campus. ❝ and they already told me that i couldn’t go to that grocery store even if i wanted to buy tampons. whatever we want to do, we have to use the supplies we already have around. alcohol is a good starting point. ❞ donnie almost laughed as she saw ella rubbing her hands together, the gesture reminded her of easier times. of a time in which a girl wasn’t missing. ❝ how about a little treasure hunt ? we can put a surviving covington kit together and think of some easy clues and... i don’t know, try to make people think about something other than these fucking posters that showed up out of nowhere. ❞ she suggested, hesitantly. it was an ambitious idea, but she knew ella would never judge her for it.

shiloh took a deep breath, forcing herself to remain calm. ( absent-mindedly, she wondered if their pictures were done yet. she also wondered if any of the other stranded students were planning on developing their own photographs today. if someone should walk in on them, the situation would look quite bizarre – two girls yelling at each other in the dark over childhood slights. ) as much as the advice to count to ten had become a cliché, it was something that occasionally worked for shiloh. one, two, three…

she knew donnie tended to lash out when she was hurt, and that taking her words to heart was pointless. most of the time, shiloh was the exact opposite – when she got hurt, she made herself small, choosing silence over confrontation. growing up with a fight with her parents constantly a hair’s breadth away, she had learned to hold her breath long enough for the waves to wash over her, rather than to drown in her own anger and hurt. it was why, instead of responding to the accusationdonnie flung her way, she could zero in on the words that didn’t make any sense to her. …eight, nine, ten. ❝ worst months of your life ? what are you talking about ? you told me you were visiting a family member in la. ❞

donatella was never one to tell too much, in fact, she was pretty mysterious about things. no one knew everything that had happened at la on the summer before her first year at covingnton. not her father, not her ex, not even her best friends - current and from the time. sometimes she even wondered if she knew everything she needed to know about the situation.

that aspect of her life wasn’t exclusive to la, no one knew her mind.

that’s how she knew she had said too much, she had forgotten to guard her secrets, to keep the façade. the whole thing with melanie was messing with her head. she wished more than ever that she could take her words back, that shiloh could pretend that she hadn’t said anything, but that was wishful thinking. ❝ didn’t you think it was weird i came back months before i had planned ? ❞ donnie asked, hoping she didn’t sound as defeated as she felt. ❝ look, that really doesn’t matter anymore. it never did. forget i even said anything. ❞