Oh how the mind wanders...

You either anticipate it or gauge the pattern in which it happens just to be secure only to be called paranoid.

In person they want something, an explanation; tracking that is very draining because then its either your mood vs the gossip train.

Now I am not saint yet I getting a feeling for the room. Honestly foodie is what I am for at times and my face when I am in thought is highly misleading.

Over the years of going into self preservation to being open to seeing a friend or someone in the romance pool, there was a lot I learned about myself which led to this thought:

My mind is in the moment in the heightened times of stress.

I say this becauee the guy I gravitate towards keeps my attention and stimulates me to where yeah, they are a good friend that shows up.

That's the part that makes me love and appreciate them, leaving the confusion of when I will make it weird by letting him know I love them.

I haven't felt the urge to hide from a lot of people that are actually active in my life. I love it because its what I needed.

So I am pretty sure I'm sick from my roommate not washing his dishes, leaving trash on the ground rather than just hitting the dollar store. Mind you he has been treating me like a live in maid out of the blue and when I stepped up to defend myself, I am considered a victim & writing my own narrative. Yet each night I come home and close my door with the lock like my old habit.

I can't talk to you to where you understand. I feel alienated in the worst sexually objected way that I hoped for a change. Even with me but turns out I was horribly wrong about my intent. In my mind and heart, flings happen and even if they decide to mainly try while you're drunk and not sober. Showing face really is a turn off.

*sniffle from a possible cold* because if I don't do it then it won't get done. Asking kindly or not.

I still feel so illuminated that this opportunity may slip away due to my careless reaction to get leveled in any way possible. How could I ever be loved?

Most energy I come across almost agrees I should have gone out for my stupid behavior with my DUI.

I don't always want to be here.

Yet the people that stay make it almost worthwhile. Healing takes a lot of fucking time. Whether you create, organize, engineer, fight, make peace, or take a stand in diplomacy; that's the energy that will shape the world we live in.

I just wanted peace for this time here.

I truly just want the veil over my eyes to be lifted.

I don't care how much I am paid nor my position, I am old school in a way that would make your head spin.

Still into thr depths of romance; I wait.

Wait for what has yet to be written or sung to a different soul.

Should I be worried?

When I spoke it I already knew the answer, yet I expected honesty because I pin point the intent based on response.

Then what is seen will become the reaction after thinkinf it over.

If a person tries to hand you alcohol without you ever seeing them pour it when they usually never drink with you, be catious.

I would come out of my room with random drinking and my room mate would offer a random drink out of no where. It weired me out.

No was always the answer yet it kept going.

Call it fantasy or a dream,

The world will fill it self to the tip and become more than it seems.

Broken down between the line its all so tempting everytime,

Wasting away to throw the blame.

With everything you say needs sympathy.

You want the love from a thousand miles yet forget the times you were wild and free.

What is the limitation of your joy,

Do you just seek the hate that you deploy?

Embrace the preservation, give into sensation

Cause you are so much more than I dreamed.

Thinking of nothing but animosity,