STAY WILD

Gosh the amount of DETAIL they put into this

Flawless

wish I could show this to someone in 1905 and make them throw up

as a child i was always amazed by how fast adults could chop onions and then before you know it you’re chopping onions very fast and that’s it that’s life

when i was a freshman our RA’s name was Hunter but he was vegan so we ended up nicknaming him Gatherer and i still haven’t gotten over that lmao

During high school, some of us German students went on this exchange trip to Europe. One of the kids in our group was named Myles, and so we decided to call him Kilometers while we were staying in Europe

spuds at night. what’s better than this

ps6 graphics

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”

Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

well you did ask

Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN

Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.

plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.

Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.

Can old men stop flirting with teenage girls like go have a heart attack Please

“Muffins” backward is exactly what you want to do when you take them out the oven.

This gym is so weird. I started walking on the treadmill and the worker started screaming stuff like “get off the conveyor” and “this isn’t a gym, it’s a grocery store”

Felt like that when I found out

While verifying this I found out that Chelsea Peretti’s brother, Jonah Peretti, is the CEO of Buzzfeed