𝑴𝑰𝑹𝑹𝑶𝑹𝑩𝑨𝑳𝑳.

        SHE KNEW THAT SHE HAD TO DO IT, but cecilia was glad to hear it come from her sister’s mouth anyway, a confirmation of what she needed to hear. there’s a few weeks left in the semester  ( yikes this is old ) ,   and while it would be awkward to ignore him for the rest of her time on campus, cecilia would do it if she had to. but there’s only so many people she genuinely likes while at gallagher, it would be a shame to deprive her of that during all this. the only question is whether his feelings for her have changed at all instead.    “ yeah, i know, ”   she sighs, slowly nodding in agreement.   “ i just have to rip off the bandaid, i suppose. ”   whether he says anything to make her feel embarrassed or not, cecilia thinks the feeling is inevitable. but anya’s right :   she can’t put the past behind her until she puts it in front of her first. glancing down, she finds her sister’s hand resting on the bed, giving it a light squeeze.   “ thank you, again, ”   she swallows, brown eyes glancing up at anya. it hadn’t been easy to show up at anya’s door, but she’s glad she had done it. caledonia or not, THIS feels like a new start :   her and anya.   “ i’m... really glad to have you. ”

        EVEN AFTER WATCHING CALEDONIA GO UP IN SMOKE, it still feels wrong to talk about her mission in detail. loyalty isn’t something cecilia gives very often, so once it’s been administered it’s hard to unlearn it. it’s also just embarrassing talking about it, honestly, but she’ll grit her teeth in the name of trying to mend their sisterly relationship.   “ yes, but i recommended him for the position. ”   cecilia doesn’t see it as romantic -- she sees it as trying to drag him down with her.   “ you’re probably right, conor’s... too kind. ”   kinder than she deserves -- kind of like anya, in a way.   “ i just... don’t know how to face him, i suppose. ”   it’s a mixture of guilt and shame, two siblings battling for dominance in her head every time she thinks about him. yes, conor will probably forgive her, if not right away, then eventually. but she also knows his view of her will forever be tarnished, much like everyone at gallagher unable to see past the things she’s done. she’s already not returning next year to escape that identity ;   the last thing she wants is to have to run from it with him, too.   “ it’s all so embarrassing, ”   cecilia sniffs. feelings.

        ANYA’S RIGHT :  cecilia doesn’t want a sugarcoated answer from her. that doesn’t make what she’s saying any easier to hear, even if she did anticipate it.   “ i’m not surprised, ”   her lips purse, and the last thing she wants right now is to think about her conversation with conor in the sublevels,   “ we didn’t end the conversation on a high note. ”   she doubts anya will find that very surprising. the idea of conor caring about her enough for anya to notice makes her still for a second -- and again, it’s not something cecilia wasn’t already aware of. but it just makes her feel BAD after everything, when realistically there shouldn’t be anything bad about him caring for her.   “ i tried to recruit him, ”   she tells her, voice quiet.   “ for... caledonia. ”   that should explain enough.

        IT’S ONLY A VERBAL CONFIRMATION, but it’s a start. cecilia’s always been good at getting what she wants, so she’s not afraid to bully conor into buying a plane ticket to visit her in a few weeks, if it has to come to that.   “ perfect. ”   it’s sad that RELIEF is the first thing she feels when he says his family doesn’t know about her, because she doesn’t like that he has to keep things from them. but after everything that happened with conor’s dad, it’s hard to believe they’d be as forgiving towards her as he is. cecilia only nods slightly, lips pressing together, before she takes his hand.   “ alright, ”   she sighs, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.   “ now that you officially know all my secrets, i suppose let’s go back inside. ”

         “ A MEDIATOR ? ”   she makes, the term used in a slightly mocking term. cecilia didn’t even know that was a job, but it sounds awfully cheesy, somehow right up his alley.   “ that makes it sound like you’re a professional older brother. ”   sal wasn’t a very good mediator, from what she remembered, but nico’s at least tried this past year with her and anya. it’s not his fault he wasn’t very good at it.   “ alright, rude, ”   cecilia gives him a look, trying to hide the way the corners of her lips twitch upwards.   “ don’t worry, i won’t start renting it out on airbnb. ”   she could though, technically, and it’d definitely make her some easy money. who wouldn’t want to stay in an italian villa ?   it’s nice that he tells her not to worry, and not to thank him, but parker’s mad if he thinks she’ll just be able to roll over and accept this gift without knowing the repercussions behind it. when cecilia had joined caledonia, they had offered her a chance for whatever she wanted as a sort of  ‘ signing bonus. ’  perhaps she should’ve known that any job offer that came with a wish straight out from a genie’s lamp would be too good to be true, but cecilia wouldn’t make that mistake again. she trusts parker -- something that’s not easy to admit -- but this isn’t a good deed she’ll be able to forget. you’ve taught me more than i can explain. cecilia gives a small snort, unable to help herself.   “ what’s that, not to trust so easily ? ”   she asks, because she can’t resist.  the last thing she wants is to take MORE handouts from parker, but she knows he’s sincere in his offer. and, well, she won’t forget it.   “ you too. if there’s anything i can do... ”   her voice trails off, because cecilia knows she doesn’t really have anything to offer him right now, as embarrassing as it is. at leas the youngest casiraghi has always known how to be resourceful.

        IT TAKES A FEW SECONDS FOR CECILIA TO REMEMBER how old anya actually is, having to do the math in her head. when was the last time she had celebrated her sister’s birthday ?   they won’t even get to this year, since anya will be back in gallagher by then.   “ you’re definitely not. if you were sal’s age, on the other hand... ”   she rolls her neck a bit, flashing her sister a playful smile.   “ thank you, anya. ”   a few months ago cecilia would’ve poked holes in her sister’s kindness, pointing out that she was probably just saying that to appease her. today she’ll take it at face value, because she doesn’t have much else to her name right now. the mention of conor has her glancing away from a moment, to try to mask the small frown on her lips.   “ eventually, yes, ”   she sighs, because that’s not a conversation she’s looking forward to.   “ i’m not really sure what i’ll say to him, but i’m sure i’ll figure it out. ”   brown eyes flicker back to anya curiously.   “ has he said anything about me ? ”

        CECILIA GIVES HIM A LOOK, because she doesn’t believe that for a second. parker is nothing if not chivalrous.   “ no, we’re not. ”   it seems a little silly of him to ask now, after she’s let him kiss her multiple times in a single conversation. cecilia doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do. his words are lost on her, eyebrows pushing together as she tries to understand it.   “ so, a lawyer, ”   she decides. is she wrong ?   “ it’s not often rich boys have a work ethic, ”   the brunette teases, smirking up at him. it’s an attractive quality, honestly, a hard worker.   “ you mean i can’t throw a party for all my italian friends ? ”   her words are heavy in sarcasm, because cecilia knows she’ll be returning to a country where she has no friends, and it’s not a pleasant thought. but she’s always been good at making friends.   “ if there’s anyone to expect, it’d just be anya. but i’ll let you know. ”   a pause, and her face sobers up a little.  “ i’ll never be able to repay you, you know, ”   she tells him, and cecilia isn’t just talking about money.   “ so... thank you. i’m really glad i’ve met you, parker. and not because of this. ”

         “ I WOULD TOO, ”   she smiles slightly at anya’s words, as she speaks about wanting to experience the world. it’s funny how cecilia had thought that running away would make her become more worldly, able to travel more and have new experiences that her family couldn’t have offered her. in reality, cecilia had spent nearly all her time in england -- first london, then oxford. going to america for caledonia had been her big international adventure, and look how that turned out.   “ but i’m sure you will, if you want to. there’s always a way. ”   if anya had money, she’d be able to travel ;   it’s hard for cecilia to ignore that little fact.   “ oh, i don’t know. i’d like to, but... there’s so much to figure out right now, that hardly seems important. ”   it’s not without some sadness for her to say that too, because there had once been a time where her art had been the most important thing to her. cecilia misses those days.

        HIS KISS MAKES HER LAUGH, peering up at him almost curiously.   “ you’re going to make my date jealous, ”   she warns him, although she really does hope conor wasn’t around to see that.   “ have you ever thought about being the person that changes laws ?   i could see you working in politics. ”   he has the face for it, at least, plus parker’s pretty charming when he wants to be.   “ are you the type that can’t stand still ? ”   cecilia could see that ;   as long as she’s somewhere comfortable, she can’t relate.   “ that sounds like fun. ”   she’s listening to what he’s saying, but also thinking of home, how lovely italy used to be in the summer. a smile grows on her lips when cecilia realizes she’ll be there in just a few days.   “ about your offer ?   i’ll probably have to, i’m sure they’ll want to know why i’m living in a house, ”   she laughs.   “ i’d like to ask anya to stay with me as well, since she’s only around for the summer. it’s the least i could do. ”   she’d invite nico too, but he’d be way too up in her business.

        “ SORRY, I SHOULDN’T GET MUSHY, ”   she jokes with a small smile when she’s met with his warm blue eyes, because cecilia can see her own sadness reflected back at her through him. arms staying tucked around him, she huffs dramatically, trying to lighten the mood.   “ is tomorrow too soon ? ”   she asks, before her lips break out into a wider smile.   “ i’m kidding. i’m sure your mum and sinead are excited to see you, and i have to figure out where i’m bloody staying for the summer. ”   by now parker’s already offered to buy her a house, but she’ll choose to leave that little fact out.   “ but maybe in a few weeks ?   before july. ”   she doesn’t want to go too long without seeing him, if it’s possible. cecilia wishes she had the money to travel right now, because she’d love to have their greek vacation, or even get to see his family.   “ did you tell your family about me ? ”   the thought only just occurs to her that people beyond gallagher’s walls might know what she’s done.

        “ THEY’RE NOT MY FRIENDS, ”   she tells him, knowing it’s meant to be a drag. despite the roll of her eyes, cecilia doesn’t really take offense to it -- to her it just shows that she was a good spy.  ( double agent, but she doesn’t like to use that term. )   “ honestly. i could tell them i was jumping off the london bridge and they’d just tell me cool. ”   the last word was said in a stupid american accent.   “ let’s do shots ! ”   cecilia’s already motioning to the bartender to bring them two. 

       SHE SMILES BACK AT HIM, because for the first time all year, cecilia thinks they’re finally on the same terms. it’s a nice feeling, even if it won’t be lasting for very long, when they’re back in two different countries.   “ and which do you like better ?   knowing the laws, or bending them ? ”   she tilts her head a bit. law isn’t something she knows very much about, nor being a lawyer, so she’s not sure which of them would actually make him a lawyer. cecilia always figured lawyers did both.   “ good for you, you deserve a real vacation. is washington dc a lot of fun in the summer ? ”   it was a fun city to visit, but cecilia can’t imagine it gets too wild. it’s certainly no london. his offer make her smile, chin tilting a little to look up at him better.   “ how about in the beginning of june ?   i don’t think i can handle non-stop sibling time for very long. ”   she’ll want the house and the company of someone not casiraghi related.

        HE SAYS IT SO RIDICULOUSLY,  she almost wants to laugh. thankfully cecilia can control herself, so the corner of her mouth only twitches for a moment.   “ you know, if i wasn’t going home to my two brothers, i’d almost miss you. ”   he certainly annoys her in ways only a brother would. then again, nate is more annoying than nico.   “ glad you know what you’re doing with your summer, ”   she rolls her eyes. men are useless.   “ i’m going back to italy, with my siblings. going to lie low for awhile. i haven’t been there in four years. ”   and it’s definitely going to be an adjustment coming back to it. 

           IT WASN’T A SMALL THING TO TELL CONOR THE TRUTH ABOUT HER PARENTS, because while she hadn’t done anything completely incriminating while working for caledonia  ( no burn book, no leaked tapes ) ,   THIS is something that can paint her as a villain. she didn’t have reason to screw her parents over other than seventeen years worth of hostility, and the desire to get the last laugh -- and she hadn’t just screwed them over, but her three older siblings as well. so for conor to smile at her as if it means nothing is more validating than cecilia cares to admit, especially when he tells her that he can’t BLAME her for doing for it. she had only blamed herself in the most recent weeks, feeling guilty because of nico and anya, so for conor to put those fears to rest means more than he could ever probably understand. she’s not sure what to really say either, so instead she wraps her arms around him and presses herself against him, resting her chin against his shoulder. words of how much she cares about him -- how much she loves him -- are on the tip of her tongue, but they’re not words that come out easily for her, so instead they die there.   “ i’m going to miss you so much, ”   she whispers instead, eyes squeezing tight until she pulls away a little to look up at him.   “ you’ll come visit, won’t you ? ”