𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞.

⌠ PAUL MESCAL, TWENTY-TWO, CIS MALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, CONOR EDWARDS! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION + KNIFE FIGHTING SKILLS, SWORD TRAINING, PRECISION SHOOTING, FIREARMS, & SWAT TRAINING; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a disheveled tie, a bored expression, and a pile of leather bound classics). when it’s the (capricorn)’s birthday on 12/31/1997, they always request their BOXTY from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿

“ excuse me? ” nico hisses, trying his best to contain his anger. the image of conor and anya was enough trauma to last a lifetime, but cecilia … no. she has standards. she’s an artist – that has got to count for something. “ what are you trying to achieve here, connor? is it a reaction you’re after? do you want me to EXPLODE? ” he suddenly yells the last word, bursting from the belly, voice echoing throughout the dining hall, hands in the air mimicking a volcano eruption. “ because i’m trying my best to keep it together- ” voice rapidly rises, you know, like he’s exploding, “ -but using my sisters against me is crossing !! the !! line !! why even bother to act like you care if you’re going to do this? what is it you want? do you want to tussle and scuffle and fight to the death like a pair of brutes in ancient rome?! ” he catches his breath, and then in a less ear-piercing tone: “  i am a modern man, conor, but i will channel my ancestors’ barbaric ways if i have to. ”

        “ SORRY, I SHOULDN’T GET MUSHY, ”   she jokes with a small smile when she’s met with his warm blue eyes, because cecilia can see her own sadness reflected back at her through him. arms staying tucked around him, she huffs dramatically, trying to lighten the mood.   “ is tomorrow too soon ? ”   she asks, before her lips break out into a wider smile.   “ i’m kidding. i’m sure your mum and sinead are excited to see you, and i have to figure out where i’m bloody staying for the summer. ”   by now parker’s already offered to buy her a house, but she’ll choose to leave that little fact out.   “ but maybe in a few weeks ?   before july. ”   she doesn’t want to go too long without seeing him, if it’s possible. cecilia wishes she had the money to travel right now, because she’d love to have their greek vacation, or even get to see his family.   “ did you tell your family about me ? ”   the thought only just occurs to her that people beyond gallagher’s walls might know what she’s done.

there’s a hard roll of the eyes at conor’s response. he’s over it, for the most part. because anya had told him that conor was seeing someone else which meant he wasn’t involved with either of his sisters. “ for lying, ” he says in a clipped tone, a sharp gaze landing on conor. “ you lied. that evening. when we were playing that game. ” he sounds like a seven year old but whatever. “ anya told me the truth. ”

           IT WASN’T A SMALL THING TO TELL CONOR THE TRUTH ABOUT HER PARENTS, because while she hadn’t done anything completely incriminating while working for caledonia  ( no burn book, no leaked tapes ) ,   THIS is something that can paint her as a villain. she didn’t have reason to screw her parents over other than seventeen years worth of hostility, and the desire to get the last laugh – and she hadn’t just screwed them over, but her three older siblings as well. so for conor to smile at her as if it means nothing is more validating than cecilia cares to admit, especially when he tells her that he can’t BLAME her for doing for it. she had only blamed herself in the most recent weeks, feeling guilty because of nico and anya, so for conor to put those fears to rest means more than he could ever probably understand. she’s not sure what to really say either, so instead she wraps her arms around him and presses herself against him, resting her chin against his shoulder. words of how much she cares about him – how much she loves him – are on the tip of her tongue, but they’re not words that come out easily for her, so instead they die there.   “ i’m going to miss you so much, ”   she whispers instead, eyes squeezing tight until she pulls away a little to look up at him.   “ you’ll come visit, won’t you ? ”

         “ YOU’RE SORRY ? ”   she laughs, because conor always have a habit of apologizing when she’s the one at fault.   “ there’s nothing to be sorry about. i mean, i’m sorry for laying this on you. i just… i had to tell someone, ”   cecilia admits, tugging on her bottom lip with her teeth.   “ i don’t think there’s any way they could find out, no. i’m not completely sure. ”   it’s not like caledonia wasn’t shady, apparently. if gallagher spies are still going through caledonia’s records, part of her is afraid her parents’ arrest will get traced back to them too. she’s still watching him, trying to figure out how he feels about it all – if he’s tired of her continually doing shady things.

“Liar, if I told you that no one would care if you left early, you’d be out of here in a second.” But people did care. She cared, and she was going to make everyone in her circle stay for the party. “Rude. I’m not five.” Stuck her tongue out at him, “I don’t trust a single person here to not bump into me.” The shattered glasses kicked to the sides of the ballroom proved her point. “Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to, I do… I mean it.” She’d suffer through the accents and everything. “Italy…? You’ve never mentioned Italy, and your Italian sucks.” No it didn’t. “Ohmigosh, because of your date?” A dramatic, very non-hushed whisper.

“ no, conor, i don’t know that. your previous actions prove otherwise. ” obviously he remembers the events from their drinking game a lot more dramatically than what actually happened. as if conor had sipped to something much worse than sleeping with one of his sisters. he doesn’t think it’s cecilia, rather that conor had lied. “ don’t you think you should apologise? ”

“One day I’m going to get you to be fun Conor and you will enjoy it.” Was that a threat or a promise? The blonde decided he wasn’t going to take the appetizer and ate it herself. “Well, pasta is delicious but then you have to worry about stains, and god, bloating. Not for an event. Post-party pasta though… That sounds amazing.” Her mood was definitely elevated from most of the times she’d seen him lately. “Can I come visit you this summer?”

        HIS WORDS ARE MEANT TO BE COMFORTING, and cecilia offers him a small smile because of it – but she wonders what he’d say if she say that she’ll NEVER be ready for it. they’re in similar positions with parents in prison, but there’s one teensy detail that makes it completely different.   “ my parents were arrested because caledonia tipped the feds off. ”   her voice is quiet, gaze straight ahead, feeling the weight of the secret finally slip off her shoulders.   “ and i tipped caledonia off. it was part of how they recruited me. they wanted what i wanted, and i had wanted revenge. ”   cecilia takes a deep breath.   “ i don’t regret it either, except… well, i wasn’t really thinking about the consequences for the others. ”   she had a little bit, but it hadn’t been more than the satisfaction in knowing that she could still interrupt their lives without even being there. never did she expect to be heading back to italy with them, having to see their financial struggles. now being a part of that struggle.   “ they’d never forgive me if they knew. ”   which is why they’ll never know, but she didn’t want to carry this secret alone. cecilia finally glances up at him, braving herself to see his reaction.

“i don’t think it’s the first time someone used this theme,” she pointed out, her own eyes taking in the decor and moving around to those dressed up around them until they found conor again. “but after a year like we had, i don’t know if it would have been the theme i chose. it’s a little touchy.” she scrunched her nose in slight distaste. 

      “Hey, stranger.” // @ofedwrds

         “ CONOR, YOU LOOK SO GOOD. ”   blame the alcohol for the way her arms throw themselves around his shoulder, bringing him in for their first cousin hug. who knows when she’ll get to do it again ?    “ i’m going to miss you. but have a good summer, okay ?   and stay in touch. i still want to meet your sister and mom ! ”   pulling away, she offers him a small smile.   “ no, that’s okay, ”   she sniffs, shaking her head with a laugh.   “ but i appreciate the attempt. i’m okay, really. ”

         “ YES, FOR NOW. seeing sal will be interesting, and nico will be working for the family business, and part of me wonders if he’s going to ask me to be a part of it. ”   since she won’t have a job or anything when she returns.   “ and i just… i don’t want to get guilted into having to visit my parents. and it’s obvious at gallagher how shit the casiraghi reputation is – i can only imagine it’s worse in italy. ”   it’s hard to ignore that she’s the one responsible for it as well, and for the first time it affects her life. cecilia isn’t worried about distance ;   she’s worried about them finding out something that will make them look at her differently. and after the truth about caledonia, she’s already on thin ice. cecilia watches his smile, lips pressing together before saying,   “ i have to tell you something. but you can’t tell anyone, especially not anya – and it might make you think less of me. ”   it probably will.

“But would you really want to have to sit down and focus on eating a plate of food? That’s so distracting.” Picking up a tiny crostini, she held it out towards him, “Here. See, food.” Maybe she was already a little drunk, “Like pregame with food? That sounds fun. What food would you eat?”

         SHE CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON CONOR TO WANT TO LEAVE THE PARTY, cecilia thinks, though lately the gallagher student body has felt more suffocating than ever, so she can understand why he prefers it. letting go of his tie, instead she loops her arm around his and heads towards the exit, pushing her bangs out of her eyes when the wind attempts to whip them around.   “ yeah, i’m fine, ”   she tells him, before realizing she’s trying to be more honest.   “ well, i don’t know. i think i’m just getting a little nervous for going back to italy, to be honest. it’s not something i ever really thought i’d do, and… it kind of feels like i’m backsliding. ”   cecilia wants anya and nico back in her life – maybe even sal – but going back to her home is a giant leap to take.   “ you must be excited to go home, though, ”   she adds, looking up at him with a small smile, trying not to think about how she’ll miss him.