Intro, I suppose. 21y/o, AuDHD, traumatized af and occasionally speaking my mind
I need to be alone but also I need to be surrounded by people who understand me. I need stimulation but also I need to stay still. I want to do everything by myself but also I need help with everything. I want to be known by the whole world but also I don't want to be seen because it puts me in hyper vigilance mode. I feel sickly absorbed by political/philosophical/social discussions but there's some sort of enjoyment on it and I also hate it. I also feel naturally inclined towards nonsense/pointless media and I hate myself for enjoying it but I can't deny it refreshes my soul. I want to be a creator of all sorts of ideas that come into my mind but I'm also afraid of what comes from my mind because it's somewhat part of me. I want to be a provider but I also want to be the one just supporting people. I want to be a hero but also I want to be saved. I want to be able to do everything but I also don't want to go too far from my main things. I want to be the strong, resilient one who everyone can trust but also I want to have someone who'd be okay with my flaws. I want to understand everyone but also I dislike being understood while also craving to be understood. I wish I could be with someone but the fear of being vulnerable scares me. I want to live but I'm also vulnerable to this world. I want to do everything I truly want but I'm also afraid of myself. I'm everything at the same time and at the same time I'm nothing. I'm my own slave and I'm my own master. I'm unstably stable and inconsistently consistent. I'm a living contradiction and the middle between two worlds but also none of both worlds.
Nice to meet you















