Life in a Moment

i get so offended when my body decides we’re gonna get sick like i fed you a VEGETABLE last week how DARE you betray me like this. ungrateful 

my future husband is going to have the coolest wife lol u go dude

People who use the word “literally“ for something that can’t be literal is the reason I want man kind to be extinct.

nothings real dude not even grammer we made it up man go outside

me: has absolutely no idea what size an acre is in real people language

i have no idea what i just watched but i love it

ITSFUCKING TIME BITCH YES MY FUVKING SONG IS U P A GAIN FUVK ME HALLOWEEN

this is literally how teenagers talk irl

This literally sounds like a voice-acted recreation of a group chat

Mmm… Delicioso.

😭 he speaks in italics. Perfect.

Guys really be out here thinking I won’t smash a wine bottle over their head

I recommend a beer bottle or a glass tumbler. Wine bottles are very hard to shatter, and you’re more likely to split a man’s skull open and cause permanent “attempted murder”-type brain damage, and you want to teach them a lesson not, like, become a convicted felon.

Nice, Thanks for the tip! I’m not a pussy and i can bury a body, but this could help someone else!

i hope you all fall in love with someone who never stops choosing you and i hope you feel at home when you look at them

Date someone who will date you

Need me a freak like that

I feel like getting my college degree will be simultaneously a relief and extremely underwhelming

DID HE JUST RUN ALL THE WAY TO THE SEATS TO CLAP FOR HIS TEAM OMFG

When your hair is wavy/curly sometimes there is a fine line between “messy romantic waves” and “evil witch who lives in the woods.”

When your hair is fine and straight there’s a fine line between “sleek and elegant” and “weasel dipped in grease”

When you’re hair is thick there’s a fine line between “gorgeous vibrant bounce” and “holy fuck it’s Hagrid”

@smashcut

she lets them feel her biceps

Game developers please take notes: when you allow for ‘muscular’ options for women, please give us arms that are at least this size! Not that dainty shit you keep pawning off on us.

…yeah, there’s something kinda hot about a woman who could rip you in half.

You can see the gay panic setting in on the one with the black skirt after she feels the bicep.

Omg