cheese curds vs. willpower

I wanted to watch a horror movie but now the man who was supposed to protect me from the horror movie is very alseep and I'm strategizing about the best way to murder a ghost

One of the distinct emotional experiences of adulthood that I didn't anticipate is the feeling of driving out to the body shop to collect all of your random belongings and garbage out of your totaled car. There's this weird feeling of transition and finality, but also the definite knowledge that you're just gonna transfer all that garbage to your new car immediately

i hate working in an office we are having a halloween potluck and costume contest :) :) :) and like.. i do not want to be here and this is slowly squeezing every bit of joy out of my heart. by no means do i want to have the joy squeezed out of my heart while wearing a clever get-up and carrying a tray of tasteful hors d’ouevres fuck outta here