a bunch of kids are playing out side my house and they have a really intense story going on and i just heard a 6 year old say, panting, in pretend agony “I should have killed you when i had the chance” 

“miss piggy could do better than kermit” and you know what? she probably could! miss piggy is a catch. she’s a businesswoman, supermodel, actor, singer, she knows fucking karate. she’s extraordinarily by all counts. anyone would be happy to have her. but you know what. kermit makes her happy. kermit plays straight man to all of her hilarious endevours. kermit loves her. and she loves kermit. she doesn’t WANT better. she wants KERMIT.

we need to respect a beautiful womans choice to have the most wonderful cringefail husband in the world. ok.

one time a guy i know whose girlfriend was heavily pregnant didn’t tweet anything for a whole day so i texted him ‘congrats on your baby’ and made him think i had some kind of baby precognition 

i will NEVER stop being emotional about how much cassian andor cares about people. like he’s ruthless, yes. down to murder. but he tells his mother to turn the heater on. he visits his friends in the middle of the night just to see them. he tries to keep ulaf from being punished when ulaf can’t be on program. he stays with him as he dies. he encourages kino to speak to the prisoners because he knows that’s kino’s strength. he lifts people and moves them along and tries to help as many people escape as he can. he notices something’s wrong with kino when everyone is escaping, and doesn’t get the chance to help. he is so stone cold and so compassionate. how does one man fit all that in his soul. tf

Deleting my dating apps to find love the old fashioned way (cross a desert with a tiny panda to a foreign country in search of immortality, fall in love with the idea of a guy, meet him, hate his guts, and fall for his brother who is a soul bonded to a suit of armor)

“Sorry this chapter is late!! I spent the last few days trying to find a laptop charger in the zombie horde wastelands, you know how it is. Anyway, as always, betaed by sasukesass52, who spent all her designated wifi time in the bunker screaming at me on discord, so I know all of you will love this chapter and the next. Enjoy~”

Whatever *succumbs*