THE MISFORTUNE OF ME

“DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO LIVE WITH YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE COURAGE IT TOOK TO GOD DAMN ADMIT I LOVED YOU. YOU TREATED ME LIKE ABSOLUTE GARBAGE SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN. THE AMOUNT OF TIMES YOU SAID YOU HATED ME. AND FOR WHAT NOT BEING YOUR FUCKING PET OF A DAUGHTER. I GREW THE FUCK UP, DESPITE THE EVER LASTING FEELING OF CONSTANT TORMENT FROM YOU AND WANTING TO KILL MYSELF. I WAS TOLD TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON I WAS TOLD ITS ONLY BECAUSE OF YOUR TRAUMA YOU WERE LIKE THAT. I GAVE IT MY FUCKING ALL. YOU CUT ME OFF?? I KNEW IT WOULDN’T LAST I KNEW THIS CHARADE OF A PARENT CHILD RELATIONSHIP WOULDN’T BE FOREVER BUT I THOUHT IT WOULD BE ME WHO CUT YOUR TOXIC EXISTENCE OFF FOR MAYBE SOMETHING UNFORGIVABLE, INSTEAD YOU CUT ME OFF FOR WANTING TO SEE ONE OF YOUR OTHER CHILDREN JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T LIKE HIS WIFE. I FUCKING DESPISE YOU. YOU’RE THE MOST DESPICABLE PERSON I’VE EVER MET. YOU SAID YOU WISH YOU NEVER GAVE BIRTH TO ME, I WISH I WAS NEVER FUCKING BORN ESPECIALLY TO SOMEONE AS SELFISH AND TOXIC AND JUST OVERALL STUPID AS YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOUR PARENTS FOR FUCKING YOU UP SO BAD THAT YOU HAD KIDS YOU NEVER WANTED AND HAD TO TREAT SO BAD THAT THEY REGRET KNOWING YOU AND ARE EMBARRASSED THAT THEY HAVE YOUR FUCKING FILTHY BLOOD RUNNING THROUGH THEM. I’VE HATED YOU BEFORE AND I WAS TOLD THAT WAS JUST BECAUSE I WAS YOUNG AND IMMATURE THAT ONE DAY I WOULD REGRET BEING A “BAD” KID. I WAS RIGHT BUT BEING RIGHT MEANS NOTHING NOW BECAUSE I WAS DUMB TO LISTEN TO EVERYONE TELL ME TO KEEP GIVING YOU A CHANCE. I NEVER DID ANY OF THIS FOR ME IT WAS ALWAYS FOR SOMEONE ELSE. BUT IN THE END I FUCKING CARED ENOUGH TO WRITE THIS BULLSHIT EXCUSE OF A RANT BECAUSE YOU WONT GET OUT OF MY GOD DAMN HEAD. I DON’T HOPE YOU DIE I JUST HOPE YOU LIVE LIKE YOU NEVER HAD KIDS AND THAT WHEN YOU DO DIE YOU’LL BE PATHETIC AND MISERABLE LIKE YOU DESERVE. I DIDN’T REALIZE EVEN AFTER ADULTHOOD YOU COULD STILL TRAUMATIZE ME THIS MUCH. DON’T WORRY I WONT GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION OF KILLING MYSELF. I’LL LIVE ON SLOWLY HEALING AND CONTINUING TO LOVE MY FAMILY. YOU’LL NEVER HAVE THAT AND THAT ALREADY MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. ONCE AGAIN FUCK YOU.”