welcome to the shit show

Bounces on your bed like a child christmas morning WAKE UUUUP it's time to kill a dictator!!!!

me, last week: my favorite holiday is coming up :3c mom: ? easter? st patrick's day? me: no no, it's not a holiday as in 'you get time off work' me: me: unless you and your coworkers all do something really funny

Actually my favorite replacement for both 'kill myself' jokes and jokes about reacting violently to things/people that upset me is "I'm going to end up on the news" like it's versatile, it's vague, it's not going to get me in trouble with any censors or websites that take joke threats seriously, it's family friendly while still getting the point across, what's not to love???

i can't believe aliens abducted my sister, this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] join the fbi

I have no concept of tmi you should tell me everything

this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen

can someone put the die in diana I’m so sick of this two-faced bitch

false alarm he’s locked in a matrix again 😭 I still hate diana though

lesbian masculinity is literally one of the hottest and most attractive things in the world sorry.