ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

need to be ripped apart and left like that for a few days i think

me vs the urge to add <3 or !! or extra letters or keyboard smashes to the end of everything to make sure it doesn’t seem passive aggressive

the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not

you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot

You should never forget the Tommy Gun

god today i ID’d an old dude buyin booze and he pulled out a fake ID with an elvis pic, then laughed and pulled out a matching one but with curly from three stooges on it, and im like okay please and he finally pulled out his real license and his legal name was steve sinner

that was the devil

theres so much drama we dont get to know about bc the fish live underwater

oh youre bi? why dont you "bi" me some time with a distraction while i crack this safe ya fuckin goon

you got it boss (makes out with the bank teller and his wife)

daily affirmations: at least im not 14 🙏❤️

I'm such a girl who lays in bed and doesn't want to get up

being in yr 20s is abt experiencing the worst thing you can imagine & then having to go to the grocery store

one fun thing about being a teacher in march 2023 is that chess is a literal epidemic among teens. we are starting to have meetings about how we can STOP teenagers from playing too much chess which is like if we were trying to figure out how to stop them from reading for fun. When i was in high school five years ago chess was nerd shit only but now it is transcending every social and language barrier and is absolutely rampant. kids aren’t on their phone texting in class anymore it’s ONLY chess.com. kids are playing chess on their phones while playing chess in real life. this is still better than tiktok because at least the kids are developing an attention span from this

the worst part of this is that they’re on chess dot com instead of getting an education. but the BEST part of this is watching high schoolers develop the weirdest goddamn strategies I’ve ever seen. One of my students invented something he calls the “evil advisor gambit” where he gets a third person to give out constant terrible advice to both teams hoping that his opponent falls for it straight-up or that his opponent thinks HE fell for it and will act accordingly thus worsening their own strategy. he has won every game he has been able to pull off a coordinated evil advisor gambit in. this is chess innovation never before seen in its 700 years on earth

the cunt who makes my life decisions (me) and the idiot who has to live with them (also me) somehow have diametrically opposed world views how am i supposed to live like this

I will be annoying about the media I enjoy consider this a promise

just got back from therapy. they diagnosed me as a sick individual who was born under a bad star. and theres nothing they can do except let my presence continue to be a plague upon the earth.

i think not having to work would fix me