Temporary Hearts Beneath Bitter Ciggerates

Do you not notice the tears in my eyes? The ones you’ve caused.

I’ve gone so far without you. Yet, it’s still not far enough.

Our memories continue to haunt me. The bags under my eyes, shows how little I’ve slept due to the pain you’ve caused.

I want you to know that my feelings for you have changed. I’ve learned that you weren’t who you said you were.

And I’m not that little girl anymore. The one who could be fed lies.

I used to think that you could do no wrong, You were perfect in my eyes.

Can you blame me? For wanting more? For wanting to be loved?

I try my best to understand. And as much as I try, I can’t.

I don’t get how you could just walk out. Did you expect me to wait? How selfish of you to think I would.

I did my best. But now it’s just too late. I’ve moved on.

Can’t you see how much happier I am? So do me a favor, Walk back out the way you’ve done before

When I met you, You gave me my life, The one I never thought I deserved.

I thought I had finally found some happiness. Only for it to be torn away from me The moment you walked away.

I’ve come to realize that I’m nothing without you. I lost everything. I lost the ability to feel.

“When I got the news…my life fell apart. All I could think about was how you weren’t gonna be here for me. I was no longer longer going to see the face of someone who meant the world to me. Not for one moment did I ever think of all the shitty things you’ve done.” There was a moment of silence as he thought over everything that’s happened to him since the death of his wife.

“After you died, everything I loved was torn away from me. Do you have any idea of the amount of people who came to me…to tell me all about the lies you’ve ever told. I could have forgiven it all…really I could have. I could have forgiven you for not loving me the way you said you did. Hell, I could have even forgiven you for cheating on me. But there’s one thing I’ll never be able to forgive you for.” He took a moment to collect his thoughts.

“I’ll never be able to forgive you for lying to me about my child. That baby was everything for me. That baby was proof to me that you actually loved me. I thought that the baby was gonna be our savior. I thought that we would finally be the family that I always wanted. Do you know how much it hurt? Of course you don’t.” He let out a small humorless chuckle and closed his eyes. When he reopened them he realized how late it had gotten.

“I honestly didn’t come here to yell at you. I just came to tell you that Luke is with his dad. His wife and him are gonna be the parents that Luke deserves. The parents that I guess we never would have been able to be. I also came to tell you that I’m moving far away from here. I need to get away from all this drama and just…I just need to move on.”

I see the way you look at me. A beautiful regret. One you wish you never made, Yet eternally grateful you did.

There’s a pain in your eyes. You’re slowly falling apart Holding on to whatever you can. Wishing you can go back to the days where everything was alright.

You smile at me. You love me, I know you do. I hold your greatest love. At the same time, I hold your biggest regrets. I’m the memories you’ll never forget.

“I love you.” “I can’t do this no more.” Words flowing out, From lips that were once kissed From the one who you deemed forever.

So you move on. Hoping for something better, Knowing you’ll never get it.

I wanted to tell you how much you leaving actually affected me. I know that it’s been so long and I should move on and forgive you. You have no idea how much I try to forget everything and start new. I know I should give you a fresh start, a new page, but I can’t.

I have so much pent up rage for you that sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to look at you straight on, and say the words that I’m sure you’ve been dying to hear, “I forgive you.” But I can’t. You’ve damaged me. You made me someone that I hate being. Someone who can’t feel. Someone who no matter how much they try to feel love, cant.

Emotions are something I’ve never truly been able to understand because of you. It’s sad because I have all these people who care about me…but for some reason I don’t feel anything. I read so many books and listen to so much music that describes how all these emotions feel…emotions I’ve never felt before. I’ve become detached because of you.

I’m lying. I do feel. Anger. All I am is a person filled with anger. It’s all anyone ever tells me. “Why are you so angry?” I’m angry because no one seems to understand. Everyone thinks that I’m cold. It’s not that I’m a cold hearted bitch. I’m just broken. Broken by someone that should have been there for me. I’m angry because I hate who I am. Angry because there’s nothing I can do to change this.

Her: No. I'm over you. I'm done making excuses for you. I'm done pretending you don't hurt me. I'm done letting you come back. I'm especially done with you taking advantage of my love for you.

Him: Babe, can you just listen to me? I never meant for that to happen. I love you. She...it wasn't supposed to happen. I love you....really. I only love you. Just stay.

Her: If you actually cared for me, you wouldn't have done it. I don't understand why you want me to stay with you if you go out and do stupid shit like this.

Him: Please babe. I need you. I don't know what I would do without you. You're the only one who's ever been there for me.

Her: If it's over, you can go and do whatever the fuck you want. You wouldn't have to worry about me finding out or having to come up with pathetic excuses whenever I do.

Him: I'm sorry. I just...I thought you wouldn't find out. She wasn't supposed to tell you!

Her: Fuck you. You think I wouldn't notice my best friend acting differently? You think I wouldn't notice her suddenly avoiding me? For fucks sake. At least she had the decency to tell me that the man who's supposed to be marrying me is fucking other girls and getting them pregnant.

Him: She's...she's pregnant? She...she can't...

Avelynn: I can't. I'm busy.

Jaxon: What could be more important than me?

Avelynn: Jax. Babe, you know I love you. But right now I'm really busy. I have to get this ready for tomorrow.

Jaxon: Can't you just forget about that? I'm tired. And you know I can't sleep without you.

Avelynn: Yes you can. You just choose not to. I don't understand why you can't just go to sleep without me. Its only one night. Its not like its gonna kill you.

Jaxon: Yes it is! I can't sleep without you by my side.

Avelynn: Why do you always have to be so needy?

Jaxon: I'm only needy for you. But seriously come to bed. Its not the same without you by my side. I hate going to sleep without you. I hate not being able to reach out to you and hold you. Whenever you don't sleep next to me I feel like I'm incomplete. I know this sounds cheesy but it's true. I love you and I just want to hold you all night. I want to know that you're there and that it's not just a dream. Because that's what it feels like whenever I'm with you...like a dream. A dream that I can wake up from and lose you. And if I lose you then I have no reason to exist.

Avelynn: Dammit. Why do you always do that! I'll be there in a minute

Jaxon: A minute's not good enough.

Avelynn: Jax! Put me down!

Jaxon: Sure. Once we get to bed.

Avelynn: I hate you.