N Ross

An entire day in Bukidnon.

Once, our guests from Norway asked us: Are roadtrips to neighboring provinces/municipalities a common way to hang out for us Kagay-anons? For the three full days they were in town, we opted for quick trips around the city before heading to trips in Bukidnon and Medina. We did not know where else in the city to bring them, except for a look at Plaza Divisoria, St. Augustine's Cathedral, and Divine Mercy Shrine, a dinner at High-Ridge for a comprehensive skyline view - I couldn't think of anything else more tatak-Kagayan than these. I guess this draws us to visit neighboring destinations, and show them more of the mountains and beaches around.

Words are so powerful. They influence how you think and how you'll behave. I have been in this situation, and reframing my thoughts and my words has helped me get through the tunnels I had to pass through - combined with physical work, of course. As early as now, I believe that I will achieve the dreams I have longed for: to become a licensed medical professional and a host, along with being a good daughter, sister, friend, colleague, and even a romantic partner. I dream of a comfortable life that still challenges me to see, feel, and experience the real world. I am a work in progress, and the work I am doing at the moment will lead me to these at the right time.

Throwback.

There goes another missed opportunity to make things better. I already knew from the start that it was something that I had to do, but I neglected it. I thought I could do it on my own. I did not learn from my mistake. What a bummer.

I feel like I am hanging by a thread. The past five months have not been the best; in fact, they have not been good. I cannot seem to understand why a great amount of effort does not equate to something good coming out of it, especially when changes have been made to pull oneself out of a dark pit.

Like in any commitment, I am in the phase of consciously choosing the same thing over and over again - regardless of whatever happiness or sadness it has brought me in the past. However, I have suddenly felt the exhaustion of choosing but not being chosen back. The absence of reciprocation leaves me on the brink of letting go - feeling unwanted by an element I have consciously chosen to commit.

Nonetheless, there's me, still smiling despite all the frustration. How did I fall into this dark hole when I could have avoided it in the first place?! Are things even worth pursuing when waking up makes you feel more dead than alive?

At some point, I thought my outfit mirror selfies would end after college with Ateneo having no uniforms - but lo and behold! I manage, and am managing, to get mirror selfies from time to time without me in a uniform!

Stressing over a lot of decision-making that has to be done. Is this resonant of the phrase, "Blessed to be stressed"? Crazy.