Noon 20+

PART I: Cold Front

The war didn’t wait for introductions.

Y/N barely had time to drop her duffel before she was pulled into the chaos of the forward camp. Blood, shouts, stretcher wheels grinding across concrete. She’d trained for trauma, for triage, for this kind of battlefield. But no amount of schooling prepared her for the way soldiers bled differently when they knew no one was coming to save them.

She pulled on gloves as a nurse ran a checklist beside her. “We lost two this morning. One’s still hanging on. Shrapnel to the chest.”

“And where’s the commanding officer?”

The nurse’s face faltered. “Captain Suh? You’ll know when you hear him.”

Y/N didn’t have to wait long.

“Out of the damn way!” came a clipped, steely bark from the far end of the tent. Heavy boots stormed across the floor like gunfire. “If he’s still breathing, he doesn’t need morphine yet.”

The voice matched the man. Tall, black fatigues soaked in blood and dust, expression carved in granite. Captain Johnny Suh didn’t speak so much as command the air around him. His eyes swept over her like a threat.

“You’re the new doctor.”

It wasn’t a question.

“I am.”

He didn’t offer a hand. “Stay out of my way, do your job, and don’t make promises to the dying. This isn’t a hospital. It’s a graveyard with lighting.”

With that, he turned on his heel and walked away.

Y/N stood in place, jaw tight.

So that was Johnny Suh.

The first week was hell.

Johnny barely acknowledged her unless it was to bark an order or correct her decision—always in front of others. He criticized her timing, questioned her triage priorities, and once rewrote an entire patient chart in front of her without so much as a word of explanation.

She hated the way he made her feel small.

Worse, she hated the way she noticed him when he wasn’t talking.

The precision of his movements. The unshakable calm in chaos. The bruises that bloomed under his jaw and disappeared before she ever got a chance to ask about them.

She tried not to care. She failed.

It came to a head during a night op.

A soldier was brought in—young, barely conscious, chest blown open. Y/N was already stitching through muscle when Johnny stormed into the room.

“Why the hell are you wasting sutures?” he snapped.

“He still has a pulse,” she shot back.

“Which won’t last long. He’s circling the drain.”

“I don’t abandon people just because they’re inconvenient.”

His eyes darkened. “This isn’t about your morals. It’s about resources.”

She stood, hands bloody. “You don’t get to decide who dies.”

He stepped closer, voice low. “Out here, someone has to.”

They were inches apart. Breathing hard. His eyes dropped to her mouth for half a second before he looked away like it stung.

“I’ll take responsibility for the call,” she said.

“You already have,” he muttered, and walked out.

The soldier lived.

Neither of them talked about it.

Weeks passed.

The insults softened. The silences stretched longer.

One night, she found him outside the med tent, sitting alone on an ammo crate, lighting a cigarette with shaking hands.

“You shouldn’t smoke that,” she said.

Johnny looked up. “You planning to write me up?”

“I’m not your enemy, Captain.”

He took a slow drag, eyes unreadable. “Then don’t try to be my friend.”

But she sat beside him anyway.

Neither of them spoke for a long time.

___________________________________________

PART II: Flashpoint

Rain hammered the tent roof like gunfire. It was late. Everyone else was asleep or pretending to be.

Y/N was in the infirmary finishing paperwork when the flap opened—and Johnny stepped in, soaked and bleeding from the temple.

“I’m fine,” he said, already brushing past her.

“You’re bleeding.”

“It’s a scratch.”

“Sit down.”

He hesitated—then did.

She cleaned the cut in silence. Close enough to smell leather, smoke, and the rain still clinging to his collar. His breath hitched once when her fingers brushed his jaw. She pretended not to notice. He didn’t pull away.

“You’re always alone,” she said quietly. “Even when you’re not.”

His eyes flicked up to hers. “So are you.”

The room suddenly felt too small.

He reached for her wrist, stopping her hand mid-motion. His voice was a whisper now—something more dangerous than shouting.

“You keep touching me like you don’t know what it does to me.”

Y/N’s heart pounded.

“Then tell me to stop.”

He didn’t.

Instead, he leaned in, breath warm against her mouth. His hand slipped to the back of her neck, tentative, then firm. She kissed him first—gentle at first, but it shattered quickly. Months of tension, denial, and quiet longing collided all at once.

He pushed her up against the infirmary wall, tongue slipping past her lips, hands greedy now. Hers tugged at the waistband of his fatigues, fingers trembling—not with fear, but with hunger.

It was desperate, messy, teeth and tongue and the kind of soft gasps you’d only make when you thought no one would ever hear them again.

His hands roamed beneath her shirt, slow but aching, reverent and needy at once.

“God, I hate how much I want this,” he whispered against her throat.

“Then don’t stop,” she breathed.

And he didn’t.

Not until they’d lost all reason and found something that, for once, didn’t feel like war...

___________________________________________

Everyone’s left, leaving just you and Yeonjun. You’re finishing up last minute stuff in the office, not sure where he is, but his bag is still inside, so he definitely hasn’t left. As you’re pinning up a sheet on the corkboard by the door of the schedule for the next week, you feel a presence behind you. It’s warm and you don’t even flinch when you feel hands on your hips. Yeonjun wraps his arms around you, holding his other wrist, so they rest right near your belly button. His cheek rests on your head, his mouth right by your ear.

"Looks like we're alone." His breath is hot on your ear, and you press back into him, your own hands coming to rest on his in front of you. You shift and he lets you go just enough that you can turn toward him, then his arms tighten again. He presses so close to you that you can feel the slight ridges of his stomach through both of your thin shirts. Your head has to tip back pretty far to look up at him at this distance. His hands unlink and surrounds your waist, his big hands easily covering a wide swath of your middle. Your own hands go to his upper chest near his shoulders, and slowly slide up to his jaw.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks, lips so close to yours they brush over each other with his words.

"I’ll be mad if you don’t-" He’s on you. Yeonjun’s lips are as soft as they look and you groan, tilting your head to instantly deepen the kiss. One of your hands runs up the nape of his neck into his hair, the other gripping his shirt over the right side of his chest. His own hands leave your waist and descend lower till they rest over your ass, and he puts his hands into your pockets. Somehow, he pulls you closer and you moan softly at feeling him completely surround you. He steps forward and your back hits the wall, the corkboard preventing you from bumping your head on the painted brick. Reluctantly, you both pull away for a breath, lips still hovering close.

"This okay, (Y/N)?" When his voice, raspy with desire, speaks your name you shudder. How can someone this beautiful really want you? Just a normal human, not someone who looks like they belong in a museum as an art piece.

"I’d let you do whatever to me." You admit and he groans, his brow furrowing and his lips seal to yours again. The force of the kiss makes you groan, and he takes the chance to slip his tongue in your mouth. Your head swims and you’ve never been so turned on just from kissing a guy before. His hands are all over you and you sigh when his fingers creep under your shirt and up your back. When you have to pull away again for air, a ribbon of saliva hangs between your lips, and you lick to break the connection.

"Whatever, huh?"

"Within reason." You’re both slightly out of breath still, your exhales mixing between you.

"What do you want to do?" you ask, your lips still so close they brush as you speak. One hand leaves your back, and he cups your jaw gently, his thumb rubbing over your throat.

"I want you to swallow my cock." His voice is quiet, worried he’s being too forward. You groan a bit, and he at first thinks you’re unwilling. However, the fact that you instantly sink to your knees, he can see you’re more than willing.

"Fuck (Y/N)." He gasps when your much smaller hands go to the waist band of his swim trunks, and you pull the garment off and away. His cock springs free, and he sighs in relief. Big and pretty, just likes him. Before he can say anything else, your mouth seals around the head, your tongue swirling around before taking him deeper.

"Shit~" His moans are pretty too, everything about him is so pretty… When the tip of his dick hits the back of your mouth, your eyes flit up to meets his. Yeonjun swears once again, resting his arm on the wall and then his forehead on his arm. Seeing you like that makes his cock twitch and a bead of pre hits your tongue. What he isn’t expecting you to do next is start inching him even deeper into your throat. He whines and you moan back, swallowing around him over and over to keep from gagging too bad. He said he wanted you to swallow his cock, so you do, burying him in your throat, your nose hitting the skin of his groin. His eyes clench shuts, teeth chewing on his bottom lip, trying not to move. When you notice his hips twitch slightly, you smile as best you can with your mouth full of Yeonjun's dick, and pull back till you can circle your tongue over the head again.

"Wanna move?" You offer and his eyes fly open to gape at you. When he sees your determined face and not a hint of reluctance in your tone of voice, he moans. You even sound excited.

"You sure?" And when you nod, his other hand strokes over your hair, lightly gripping it to hold you where he wants. It seems you have some experience with this kind of thing, because you shift your kneeling position so you can brace against the floor better. The head of his cock brushing past your lips again and he lets out a long whine as you let him get as deep as possible. When he asked for you to swallow his cock, he didn’t realize you were going to let him fuck your face. Just the thought alone is getting him close, let alone the perfect wet, hot vacuum your mouth creates.

"Fuck-" He groans, careful to watch when you suck air in through your nose, making sure he doesn’t cut your air off too much and for too long. Your panties are sticking to your folds already and you grind against the thick seam of your jean shorts. Splats of saliva and precum drip onto the floor as Yeonjun struggles to not ruin your throat, but his hips are hard to control the longer he goes.

"Gonna…cum-" He gasps, and your hands fly to his butt, holding him in place and he cums down your throat. The whines he lets out as his head tilts back in relief are literally orgasmic. Breathing hard as you pull off, you clean his still slightly hard cock off and sit back, grinning up at him.

"I…I wasn’t really prepared…" He drifts off and you nod in acknowledgement.

"I’m on the pill, don’t worry about it."

"You sure?"

"Yeonjun if you don’t get inside me soon, I might start begging. I'm already on the floor." You blink at him.

"I would like to see that, but a different day. Come up, pretty girl." He helps you stand and turns you around, so you facing the wall again. He presses another kiss to your cheek as his front presses to your back, his lips meeting your neck as he places kisses there, his fingers ghosting over your ribs. You can feel his cock hardening again in the cleft of your ass and you know he’ll fill you in the best way. As his tongue ghosts over the ridge of your ear, he wraps his arms around you entirely again, his right hand cupping your covered breast, the other resting on your stomach above the waistband of your shorts.

"That door locked?"

"They all are." You exhale, his hand slipping under your bra and tweaking at your nipple. His other hand deftly undoes the button and slides his hand into your shorts. You gasp as he rubs over your cunt through your underwear, the fabric already soaked.

"How long have you been like this, hm?" His voice in your ear makes your thoughts fuzzy.

"Fuck, since I first saw you." You admit and he groans, burying his nose into the crook of your neck.

"(Y/N), don’t say things like that…" He whines and you chuckle a bit, but you nearly choke on your own air when his hand buries in under your panties, a long finger pressing against your entrance. You exhale at the sensation, and you groan when his finger fills you up, deeper than you can ever get yourself.

"Your so wet, noona. Tight." His hips jump a bit, grinding his cock into your covered back side. You whine when he adds another finger, his palm grinding over your clit. He needs to get you more prepared to takes his cock. As his fingers scissor inside of you, you reach your own hand back and palm his dick to full hardness and Yeonjun grunts at the feeling.

"Get inside me, now, please." He complies and you pout at the loss of his arms around you, his hot skin pressed to yours. He maneuvers behind you; you can hear him take his shirt off as you do yourself. Before you can, he unhooks your bra and he cups your breasts with his hands, his bare chest against your back. Pressing against you, he steps forward till the cold wall hits your front, his hands shoving your shorts off. Feeling him bare behind you is thrilling, and while you really want to turn and look at him, ogle him, you need him inside fast. The soft sound of your shorts falling to the floor hits your ears and you whine when the head of his cock rubs through your folds.

"Oh, god," you gasp as he starts to press in. He groans as your wet, raw heat surrounds him. Yeonjun’s dick stretches your walls with a delightful burn and your nails scratch against the wall futilely, rising onto your tip toes.

"Oh, so good." He groans once he’s inside you all the way. It feels like he’s in your throat, he fits inside so deep.

"Fuck, Yeonjun!" You exhale harshly trying not to clench around him too much, but he feels so good, and hasn’t even moved yet. Honestly, even if he just stayed like that, you’d probably eventually cum from him filling you alone. His arms loop around you again, but his hold is more possessive than before. One arm wedges between your breasts, his hand holding the base of your throat. Gently, though, just to secure you. You wouldn’t even mind if his grip tightened a bit…The other arm lays lower, his right hand resting on your left hip, and you brace yourself against the wall with your hands.

"Move, please." You mewl and he takes a slow first thrust, the office so quiet that you hear a drop of your wet hit the floor underneath you. Hopefully, you remember to clean that up later…

"C-can I? I don’t think I can go slow." His nose rests behind your ear, nuzzling it.

"Then don’t. Just fuck me, Yeonjun." You breathe the words out before his next thrust takes it away. Your eyes roll back as he snaps his hips hard, the thrust is shallow but hard. You throw your head back, resting back on his shoulder as he begins to rail you into the wall. Starting to lose strength in your legs, they begin to shake, your calves burning from holding yourself to be the right height in that position. He must notice because he lets you go so you can readjust. You end up bent at the waist, making a ninety-degree angle. Your hands still holding you up against the wall and his hands instead go to your hips. He has to thrust down some, changing the angle at which his cock batters the back walls of your cunt. The head of his dick rubs over your sweet spot over and over and his thrusts get harder, faster. You want to scream from the feeling of him nearly leaving you empty before filling you entirely with a quick snap of his hips. Your head is bowed, your arms above your head, nails digging into the painted brick, chipping it off in some places. Sweat drips from your forehead, hitting the floor along with the drops from your slick cunt. Yeonjun’s thrusts get sloppier, hard but shallow, his own hands resting on the wall about yours.

"I’m going to cum noona." He grunts and you’re close yourself.

"S-s-same-" You manage to get out.

"Ah, fuck!" He’s letting out little whines along with you. With one more hard thrust, he sets off your orgasm, your walls clenching his cock so hard he falls over as well. You mewl as he pumps you full, your stomach hot, but you want more. If he doesn’t keep going, you’ll have to go home and dig your vibrator out to charge it.

"Shit, sorry!" He apologizes, pulling out. You nearly collapse, your legs like jelly, and he wraps an arm around you to catch you, then helps you stand straighter. More drops hit the concrete floor, most likely your combined release falling from your still pulsing cunt. Glancing over to him at your side you finally see him fully. God, he’s absolutely divine…and still half hard.

"I can keep going, but I can’t keep standing." You pant, resting your forearm on the wall, then your forehead on your arm.

"Are you sure?" He leans in and nibbles over your ear as he whispers into it.

"Fuck, yes, please." You nearly whine and he huffs, before wrapping his other arm under your legs and picking you up. You squeak as he turns around to lay you on the table. The cold plastic is not the most comfortable perch, but you know that it’ll be easier to clean than the couch in the break room. Finally, you can fully see him, your eyes drawn to his cock that’s quickly getting fully hard. Honestly, you’re glad he keeps his shirt on lifeguarding because you’d have jumped him otherwise. He’s so gorgeous, his body proportions absolutely perfect along with his face.

"You need a break or are you ready?" His hands cup your thighs, pulling them up so you can wrap your legs around his waist.

"I’m ready, hurry up!" You insist and he laughs, his cock meeting your pussy again. Unlike before where he eased into you, he fucks into you hard immediately and your shoulders twitch, back arching.

"Yeonjun~" You feel your mind going numb, the pleasure tingling through your body. He smirks at your decreasing sanity, proud that he’s the one doing it to you. You yelp when he pulls you closer to him, farther down the table. He leans over you, his hands meeting yours over your head, holding them in his. Yeonjun’s lips finds yours again and he swallows every little moan you make. Whining again as his lips leave yours, you want to complain, but he lays kisses from your cheek to your jaw, then your neck. He wants to leave a mark or three but with the heat and working outside, you wouldn’t be able to hide them. Another time. He slows his thrusts suddenly and you’re about to protest, but his hands loop over your thighs again and he forces a squeal out of you when he folds your legs up, your ankles by his ears. He smirks and you’re glad for your flexibility. His hips begin to pummel yours, the table shaking under you. When his eyes leave your cunt, swallowing his fat cock, and go to your face he chuckles. You’re gone, cock drunk and drooling. He had no idea you’d get that far gone, not with your confident and bold personality. You’re going to drive him crazy.

"Feel good, pretty girl?" Yeonjun stands back up straight, your legs coming off his shoulders so he can notch your knees over his elbows. Each roll of his hips allows his pelvis to hit your clit, and he grinds hard into you as deep as he can each time. Your moans get louder, your walls pulsing and clenching again; he can tell you’re nearly there.

"Yesss~"

"My cock really that good?"

"Oh, fuck, yes!"

"Couldn’t wait for me to fuck you, huh noona?" His words go straight to your head and cunt, but you aren’t able to say much back but ‘yes’ and nonsense babbling.

"I should always take second shift, wait till everyone else leaves, then fuck you on every surface in here~" He sighs with a slight moan as your pussy flutters around his cock.

"You’d like that, huh noona?"

"Fuck, yes!" You mewl and his thumb meets your clit and with one stroke you fall apart again.

"Ah, ‘Jun~!" You clench him tight, and he feels your cunt overflow and drip from your release. He wants to hold back, but you feel so good, he’s a goner when your legs wrap tighter around him, not letting go.

"Fuck, I’m gonna cum again." Yeonjun groans, pumping his hips hard two more times and spilling inside of you again. He falls forward, catching himself on his hands by your head. As your highs come down you ponder how you’re going to get home with your shaky and numb legs.

"I’ll-" he chuckles, "I’ll help you clean up." He pulls out of you, and you cry out at the loss.

"Stay there a sec." He goes and gets some paper towels and cleans himself before putting his shorts back on. You close your eyes, breathing hard and you flinch when he brings a damp towel to your core.

"I make a mess?" You laugh, nearly sounding drunk.

"Pfft, no I did." Yeonjun chuckles and when he decides you’re properly cleaned up, he helps you sit up on the table. You wobble a bit sleepily and he brings you your discarded clothing.

"You’re so sweet." You coo which makes him smile, then he places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"We also made a mess on the floor over there…" He grimaces jokingly and you laugh yourself. Despite your shaky muscles, you’re able to get dressed and help him clean. You disinfect just in case since it’s a public area. It’s nearly eleven by the time you’re ready to lock up and leave and he stands beside you as you lock the gate.

"(Y/N)?" His voice is soft, and you turn to look at him.

"I just…I understand if you don’t want like…" He licks his lips, nervous, "I won’t just stop talking to you now that you let me- I mean-" He’s stammering, his face red and you think it’s incredibly endearing. He literally just rearranged your insides and is now bashfully rambling. Stepping closer, you grab his hand where it’s fiddling with his bag strap.

"Yeonjun, you are so sweet. Do you want to just stay friends?"

"No! I mean…I want more but if you don't… don't push yourself." He clears his throat, looking intensely at your linked hands.

"I'm not pushing myself." You smile up at him and his nerves fly away, his lips pulling into a smile himself.

"Thank God."

He cleans the carriage quickly. He’s well practiced now, in getting it exactly as it should be for your return. You don’t deserve to come back just to see him in his usual sorry state. You deserve Jeonghan’s best. So he sweeps, and washes the pile of dishes, and changes the sheets. Lights a scented candle to make sure you can’t smell the cigarettes. He laughs, a little melancholy, because even in death you don’t let him wallow. In the sink he washes up, makes sure his hair is brushed and his teeth are clean, and hopes the bags under his eyes won’t look so bad in the morning light. In a few short hours you’ll be here, and God– God, he hopes sleep will come quickly tonight, to bring you close to him once again. 

1. Bargaining

Tonight it could be different. Jeonghan always does something different. And maybe it’s some desperate, pathetic attempt to change the course of this godforsaken groundhog day, but that doesn’t stop him trying. There’s that saying, isn’t there, something about butterfly wings causing a hurricane on the other side of the world. He’s wondered if it’s like that, some tiny, insignificant detail he needs to get right, so at the end of the day you can be freed from this nightmare. Him, too. He’s wondered if there’s some specific order to it all, a puzzle to be solved. Tonight could be it. He could have performed exactly as he was meant to, in exactly the right order, said all the right things, and perhaps he could wake with you next to him again, tomorrow morning. 

You’ve been so alive this time. Hears it in the lightness of your laugh, feels it in the way your warm hand cups his cheek, sees it in the sparkle in your eyes when you look at your ring and then to him. To you, it’s brand new. To him, it’s something he’s carried for what feels like forever, even though in truth it’s only been a few months. 

After lunch you’d marveled over your ring. How he’d got it just perfect. You talk about the future– ask Jeonghan what he wants your wedding to be like (anything you want, baby) and if he wants to get married in summer or autumn (autumn. Me too!) and if he’s happy (of course baby). How could he not be happy with you here?

It’s almost time. Jeonghan has refused to look at the clock all day. Instead he has watched you– tallied the steady beats of your heart as he held you, tracked your measured breaths while you flicked through magazines curled into the armchair tucked in the corner of the carriage, kissed the tips of your fingers, one by one, as he made love to you in the amber light of the afternoon. Now, you loosen your body in the same way you always have, and he watches, counting your stretches. Jeonghan loves the way you move. All elegance and grace and measured precision. He’s not clock watching, but he’s been counting anyway. 

“Shouldn’t you be working?” you murmur, moving over to climb into his lap. 

He hums against your shoulder. “Worship’s a kind of work.”

His thumb traces the curve of your jaw, and you angle your head away, laughing that he’ll mess up your make up, so he opts for your waist instead, holding you tight as if to anchor you there. Presses kisses to your sternum instead. There isn’t much he can say anymore– only knows if it’ll be different in a few minutes time, but he’s hoping. God, he’s hoping. 

You’re pulling yourself up from his lap but Jeonghan tugs you back, peppers his lips up your chest and over your neck and you’re giggling and he’s holding on to hope so fucking hard that he fears he’s breaking it. Trails frantic lips over your jaw, behind your ear, down your neck, but you’re tearing away and he’s saying please, baby. Please stay with me so desperately. Of course you don’t understand. 

You chastise him gently for his neediness. Almost time for the show, my love. Press loving lips against his hairline and he can’t stop the tears that prick at the corners of his eyes. Blinks them away before you can see. It’s a recurring torture, the way you leave him. 

“Angel,” he pleads into your shoulder. “Five more minutes.”

You sigh, smiling soft. “Five minutes.”

You settle back into his lap, knees bracketing his hips. The shift draws a soft sound from him, half sigh, half something more fragile– the contact itself almost too much to bear. His hands slide up your stockinged legs until he finds the top of your  thighs, bare beneath your skirt, warms the flesh with his hands. 

Neither of you speak. The warm lamplight flickers behind him, painting gold across your face. Your breath skitters across his ear as he works his mouth over your collarbone, drags his thumb across the hem of your underwear.

“Be quick, Hannie.”

He presses his forehead to your chest, and breathes in your scent, slow and desperate. He whimpers as you roll your hips against him, and you suck air through your teeth at the drag of your core against his clothed, hard length. “You don’t know what you do to me,” he murmurs. 

Your fingers slide through his hair, down to the nape of his neck. “You’re shaking,” you whisper. When he finally lifts his head, his eyes meet yours– wet, and wrecked with feeling.

“Stay,” he breathes, voice cracking on the word. It’s not command, it’s a plea. 

You cradle his face in both hands. “I’m not going anywhere,” you say. A promise you don’t know you’ll break. You gasp when he tugs your underwear to the side, slips his fingers over your clit. Moves in slow, agonising circles. Loves the way you keen for him, loves looking for the adoration in your eyes, giving way to hunger. Loves the sounds you make when you’re needy, strung out gasps, all high and breathy, panted in his ear. Loves the way you clutch at his shoulders, digging crescent moons into his skin, when he slips his fingers inside your tight, wet heat. You feel so alive, tonight.

Jeonghan crooks his fingers just so, pulls a noise so obscene from you it makes him impossibly hard, needs to bury himself inside you before it’s too late but he wants you like this, first. God, he misses when you felt permanent, when you had all the time in the world. Drags his wet fingers out just to toy with your clit again, over and over and over until you’re gasping, stringing out his name in a whine. “Close, Jeonghan. So close.”

“Yeah?” he grunts. Feels his neglected, aching cock leaking into his underwear at the sight of your thighs trembling over his, but he swallows his desire down. “Gonna come for me, angel?”

You pull at his trousers. “Want you in me,” you sob. “Please, please– I–”

He coos in your ear. “So needy, baby.” Slips his fingers back inside just to pull gasps from you, lets loose one of his own as you palm at his crotch.

“Who’s needy now?” 

You have your way, as you always do. Jeonghan would never begrudge you what you want, and tonight that’s tugging his cock free, guiding him into your body, wrapping your arms around each other, and rocking him into this fervoured state. It drives him half-mad, your walls around him, the way you won’t let him kiss you lest he ruin your make-up, the way you moan as he grabs at your ass to drag you harder against him, to fuck you deeper. Makes him insane, the way he trails his wet mouth down your chest, and you pull your breasts free for him to drag his teeth over them, leave little nips over the skin, leave one nipple spit-slick and puckered while you play with the other. 

Jeonghan used to think of hauntings and ghosts as unwanted visitors. As faceless things that bring nothing but trauma. This is something else. This is you, feeling completely whole and not at the same time. This is you, the love of his life, saying you love him too. At the end of it all he’s thrown to the wayside, only thinking of you and the unexpected way you haunt him.

Your cunt clenches him impossibly tight when he fucks up into you. Feels his end hurtling close as your grinds turn hurried and clumsy. Feels his cock get insanely wet, slick with you, as you pant his name something desperate. Coming, baby– fuck fuck fuck, feels sooo– fuck. Heat coils in his belly, brows pinching as he tries to hold on long enough to drag out your orgasm, but he’s spilling into you regardless, whimpering your name on a curse. Your smile is saccharine sweet, even when you drag your fingers over where you join, through his sticky release and the mess he’s made of you– sweeter still when you bring your fingers to his mouth for him to taste. “Taste us, baby,” you command. Jeonghan drags his tongue over them, he won’t ever refuse you. 

When he kisses you, it’s slow. Not the kind of kiss that demands, but the kind that begs– a prayer wrapped in tenderness, all the things he can’t say without breaking.

“Please,” he begs against your skin, his voice shaking. “Don’t go.”

You rest your forehead to his. “I’m never leaving you, Hannie,” you say.

“I love you, angel,” he whispers, lips featherlight on your collarbone.

“Love you too, Hannie,” you whisper back, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. You pull back, letting him slip from your body with a disgruntled sound, and you admonish him the second you catch sight of your face in the mirror– your smeared make up. 

He sighs, swallows the ache in his chest. “I’m sorry.”

Your eyes slide over to him in the mirror, and you soften. “It’s okay, my love. Don’t pout.”

He’s not sorry in the way you take it. Making a mess of you, maybe. Holding you up, not at all. He’d keep you late forever, if he could. To kiss you anytime, anywhere, anyplace. He’s sorry for pretending to be happy when he’s breaking. He’s sorry for missing you in all the mornings that follow.

Beyond the curtain, there’s the sound of the crowd, humming like a living thing. Jeonghan can feel it, even from here– the entire tent vibrating with energy. You rush over to peak through the gap, eager as always to be adored. Jeonghan wishes his adoration was enough. You adjust your stockings one last time, fluff up the lace of your underskirt, fix your hair. And then, with a kiss to his cheek, you’re gone. 

Jeonghan slips out to watch you climb. He was never bothered before, but lately heights have been making him sick. Can feel the burn of the bile rising in his throat but he can’t look away, because he knows you’ll search for him when you reach the top. 

You climb the ladder, the sequins of your corset catching the spotlight, a thousand tiny glimmers dance over the draping darkness of the tent. You glance over to him once you reach the platform, the same way you always do, a little tilt of your chin and that beautiful smile of yours that feels like salvation and ruin all at once.

He forces himself to smile back. Forces his lungs to work through what’s to come, forces his fingers to unclench where they’ve knotted themselves in the thick fabric of the curtain.

You blow him a kiss.

He catches it, the same ritual for every night he’s ever known you, presses it to his lips. It’s a soft superstition, feels a little something like a prayer now.

The music starts. Something grand, something you’d picked on that fateful night offhand, because you said it made you feel like flying. Jeonghan never cared to know the name of this funeral march. Much less now.

You step out, and Jeonghan lights his cigarette, the way he always does, thumb trembling against the flint. The first drag burns, as always. He wonders if it’s the tightness in his body that makes it feel so much worse than all the other cigarettes he’s smoked since you’ve been gone. 

God, you’re beautiful. The way you almost skate across the wire is something to behold. It’s like a dance, in its exquisite precision, the way your leg arches backwards over your head, and the way you turn yourself over in slow motion with your hands. The tent is filled with the sound of applause, and you shine in it. Halfway across the wire, the crowd goes silent with bated breath. At least, to Jeonghaon, that’s how it feels. Like he’s sinking underwater, his body both weightless and immobile from the pressure. He closes his eyes. He begs. 

Please. Please please please–

Jeonghan knows nothing has changed with the way the air goes still. 

The first gasp is yours. The first scream was his, but now belongs to a woman, a stranger, somewhere far removed in the crowd. He always thinks it’s strange, the way these unfamiliar, faceless people cry out for you, like they know you, like they’re someone your death affects. Like they know what it’s like to have been loved by you, and haunted by your last hours. 

And then the audience panics, like a wave breaking– the tent fills with shouts, the clamour of people running, the crying of small children and the attempted hush from their mothers– there’s chaos filling the hollow where your presence used to be.

Jeonghan moves back behind the curtain. He knows what it looks like by now– the wire is empty, the gold speckled dust floating beneath the stage lights. The floor below is clean, untouched. He sits at your vanity, cigarette dangling from his lips as he tidies away your make up, and he just listens until the noise dies down, until the dust settles and there’s more gasps as they realise there’s no body splayed on the ground as there was that first time you left him, assuming it’s simply part of the act. And then comes the applause, the cheering– wild and relieved and so fucking cruel.

He smokes the rest of the cigarette down to the butt, the paper burning his fingers, before dowsing it in your half-empty glass of water. Jeonghan knows better than to go looking for you now. You’re gone until next time. He doesn’t know if it’ll be tomorrow, or the next city, or the one after that, or weeks from now. There’s no rhyme or reason to the way you visit him, but he hopes it won’t be long. He hopes you keep coming until he can figure out how to make you stay. 

Jeonghan waits long after the crowd has filed out, long after the laughter fades, until only the sound of the wind whipping the tent remains– until it feels like the whole world has folded in on itself and left him behind. He stands in the centre of the tent, finds your ring among the dust and rubs it clean with the hem of his shirt and, once satisfied, tucks it back in his pocket. At least the ring is a promise you were really there, that this isn’t a figment of his imagination.

By the time he returns to the carriage, the candle has burned low, the sheets are still smooth from when you made it earlier. He doesn’t bother with all that when you’re not here. Doesn’t really see the point. He kneels at the edge of the bed, reminiscent of the way he had you earlier, this time pulling the chest under it where he keeps the whiskey. Jeonghan likes the kind that burns. 

Outside, the lights are being put out, leaving the sky an inky black. There’s the low hum of chatter from the few staff that stay up later than the rest. Jeonghan can’t sleep, but he can’t talk either, so he sits in front of the dying fire, nursing his fast-emptying bottle and rolling out the crick in his neck.  

And Jeonghan doesn’t know it, but you’re still here somewhere in the space between the living and the dead, watching him as you wait to wake again. You’ve tried crying out for him before, touching him, writing messages in the fogged glass. Nothing works. 

All you can do is watch as he sinks, tears fogging your vision as he loses the light in his eyes. He doesn’t know how you hold him as he sleeps, how you watch the hair fall from his beautiful face when he turns restless, and you tsk over the dark circles you find under his eyes. He can’t see you, can’t hear you, can’t feel you. The only times he can are when you make it back to him, but what good is that when you can’t remember what you’re going back for?

2. Anger

Mood swings are a natural part of grief, especially outbursts of anger. They’re an indication of how deeply you loved, how much you’ve lost. You may ask yourself: why is this happening? You may place blame on other people, on circumstances, on yourself, or the very person you lost. This is normal. Allow the anger to surface, but then direct it to something healthy. Move your body. Breathe deeply. Seek safe release in order to–

Jeonghan clicks the tape off, and the carriage falls silent save for the pounding of blood in his ears. He doesn’t want ‘safe release’. He doesn’t need fucking answers. He wants you. He wants your life together, exactly as you imagined it would be. He wants to know what perfume you’d have worn on your wedding day. That honeymoon you’d have taken, on a boat down a lazy river in warmer places. He wants to know what your children would’ve looked like, and if you’d have ever gotten around to finishing that jumper you started knitting months before, the one with the moons and stars. 

Everything seems to be in his way tonight. He stumbles across the room, knocks into the corner of the bed, stubs his toe on the ottoman, knocks over a bottle of oil he’d used to fix the squeak in your chair earlier. And in his haste to mop up the spill, he knocks your favourite mug off the counter, the one you’d painted with constellations (yours and his), and it cracks on the floor before he can register what’s happening. He watches the fragments scatter. There is his anger. It bursts out of him in a yell, all jagged and sharp edged. Simmering in his gut in your presence, but erupts out of him when you’re gone.

He’ll never have it. What he has is the hollow in his chest, the wretched twist in the pit of his stomach, the heat of his blood in his veins. Where’s yours? Where are you but turned to ash, kept in the confines of a jar, in your favourite shade of blue? You don’t deserve that. You deserve to be in your favourite places, all those ones you’d told him about but he never got to see. He can’t even go without you, because what if you’re tied to this place? What if he leaves and you come back just to find him gone? What if he can’t ever get you back? 

His sob is choked back as he’s reminded once again that he’s not only been robbed of a future with you, but of one without you too. He is stuck in this awful, static, existence. Of living and not. Jeonghan is dying slow, hardly breathing in this haunted place.

Loving you is a constant, but sometimes he hates you. Today he hates you. Been weeks since he last held your body against his and the sun is already on her way up, a cool blue washing over the dark sky– another day confirmed he’ll spend alone. He checks his pocket again, just in case, but it’s still there, taunting him. 

He sweeps the floor mechanically. Changes the sheets and stuffs the bottles in the chest under the bed. You’re not coming, he knows that, but maybe tomorrow? He can’t sleep like this anyway because the worst of it all is the waiting. So he picks up the mirror and brushes out the knots in his hair until it falls into place, washes his face, but the dark circles under his eyes still betray the mess within. Sometimes you comment on it, his sallow skin, his cracked lips, ask if he’s feeling alright (no) and if he might be coming down with something. He feigns a headache, a cold– whatever. It’s not so far off the truth. 

When the morning light comes, relentless in its mockery, he will wake and you won’t be there– smiling, alive, and radiant. He’ll drink the morning away until it’s time to set up. And once the crowds of people he so resents disappears, he’ll come back here and wait for you again until the early hours. When you’re here he can pretend it’s all okay. Sometimes he doesn’t even have to pretend he’s happy because you’re there. Right now, he’s alone. And alone, his anger coils. But he’d rather have this half-formed life than nothing at all.

It’s days later when you finally show. 

He wakes to the sound of rain on the tin roof, the kind that blurs the edges of the world. For once he fell asleep early– all those nights spent waiting finally caught up, that tightness in his body wound so taut it’ll surely snap. He’s resigned to another day, until he feels some weight against him. Until he rolls over and finds you there, curled onto your side, breathing evenly.

Your face turned into your pillow, your hand rests palm-up in front of him, like you’re waiting for him to take it. Jeonghan doesn’t move. He stares, memorises the contours of your face. God, he wishes he could capture the way you look when you sleep so he’d at least have something to hold on to when you’re not here. Feels something claw up from the pit of his stomach– relief maybe? But it twists so fast it barely registers– burns into anger so raw it punches the air right out his lungs. 

His traitorous hands tremble as they reach for you, fingers ghosting over your arm, your shoulder, your neck. You’re warm. Soft. You’re finally here and it’s almost too much for him to bear.

His lips finds your temple before he can think. Peppers frantic, chaste kisses down your face, into your hair and you stir with a quiet sound, half-awake, murmuring his name in a soft, questioning tone. He rolls you onto your back, trying to swallow the ache whole, and leans in to capture your lips in a kiss so desperate it hurts. Your lips part for him without hesitation, something like instinct by now, and he kisses you harder. Kisses you angry and needy, the kind of kiss that tastes like metal and all the things he wouldn’t know how to put into words, even if he could.

You gasp when he shifts over you, drawing your legs up and over his hips. He’s shaking when his hands find the curves of your waist, grips your hips and hold them in place. It’s not desire, not exactly, but you can’t tell the difference yet.

“Jeonghan,” you whisper, breathless, eyes fluttering open. “What’s gotten into you?”

He doesn’t answer. He mouths at your throat, your jaw, desperate, clumsy, and you laugh a little, soft and sleepy, thinking it’s love. Thinking he missed you. Which he did but it’s more than that. How can he tell you he’s livid when, to you, it’s the night after he asked you to marry him? How can he tell you he can’t bear the way you leave him for weeks, when in your mind, you’ve never been gone? How can he tell you that you’re torturing him, the way your presence brings him the slightest glimmer of hope only to dash it away every time you fall? It’s sick. He’s sick. 

It’s only when he drags his mouth back to yours, rough and uncoordinated, that you taste the tears. 

You touch his cheek. “Hannie,” you murmur. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head, too quickly, like the question itself burns. “Nothing,” he snaps. He kisses you again. It’s messy now, all hot breath and trembling hands sliding up your middle. You push at his chest gently, confused.

“Why are you sad?” you whisper. 

He laughs then, a broken sound that cracks at the edges. He can’t tell you that he’s so far past sadness. Can’t say he’s angry because you left him again, because you keep leaving, because he’s the only one who remembers the way you die. He can’t tell you he’s angry at the world, at himself, at this loop he can’t escape. So he shakes his head again, presses his face to your stomach instead, tears streaking your nightdress.

The sobs start with one, choked and tiny. Another, that rasps his throat and stings his eyes. Another that wracks through him, and then he can’t stop. He’s gasping against your skin, shaking with the pain of it.

You freeze. You’re confused, he knows that, and it just makes it all so much worse. You thread your fingers through his hair and whisper his name, soft and soothing. “Hey, hey. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay.”

He nods into your stomach, but his grip on your waist tightens, desperate, like he’s trying to keep you from fading right out of his arms.

“Are you–” you start, hesitating. “Are you having second thoughts–”

He shakes his head immediately, chokes out a sound that’s somewhere between a sob and a laugh. “No,” he insists, voice hoarse, scrambling for an explanation. “No, never. Just– just a dream. A nightmare. I couldn’t wake up.”

You smooth your hand over his hair again, thumb tracing the shell of his ear, the curve of his cheek. You hush him quietly. “It’s okay, darling. I’m with you.”

And he cries harder, because that’s the cruelest part– that you believe it. That you think this is real, that you think you’re real. 

Eventually the sobs fade to little tremors, his breath evening out against your body. You stroke the hair from his eyes, and he glances up to see you already watching him, frowning faintly, confused by the heaviness in his body, the exhaustion in his expression. You’ve never seen him like this before, and it’s all his fault. He shouldn’t have let this get the better of him, because you don’t know what haunts him, or why he looks at you sometimes like he’s counting the seconds. 

But you hold him until he stills, whispering his name into the half-light, and when you finally drift off again, Jeonghan closes his eyes too, thankful you don’t see the tears still clinging to his lashes. Tonight you’ll leave him again, for an untold time. 

Outside, the rain keeps falling.

3. Denial

His coworkers, once friends, don’t want to be around him, lately. He overheard a few of them talking to the ringmaster a week before, after your last visit. We hear him talking, they’d said. Always about her, or to her. He sounds half mad. At first he thought they’d been concerned for his wellbeing, but given they won’t acknowledge him as they pitch tents and set up the stages, but he watches the way they avoid his eye, the way they shiver as he enters a tent, and he realises they’re so cautious around him, and guarded. 

Jeonghan figured if he must have been talking to himself, he had been drinking a little too much lately, but now wonders if they can’t see you when you’re here. It fucks with him a little. A lot. If they don’t know you’re here, do the crowd see you when you perform? What are they seeing that he can’t?

He knows you’re here, of course, because the sheets are still warm from where your ghost laid. You’re out there now, foraging blackberries to have with breakfast. You’ll come back with juice stained lips and he’ll kiss it away. He loves the way you could never wait. There’s your cup of coffee cooling beside the sink, abandoned in your haste to rush out the door. Can’t they see you? When you greet your old friends, do they reply? Do you even notice?

He laughs, quiet, and frustrated, like he’s kept out of a secret. The kind of laugh people let out for jokes they don’t understand. 

“Maybe I’m crazy,” he says to no one. “Maybe you’re not even here. Maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t–” He cuts himself off with a sharp inhale. In truth he doesn’t know a thing. “Stop it,” he mutters under his breath. Then louder. “Stop it!” The sound ricochets through the carriage, echoes back at him in your voice, soft and surprised.

He freezes.

“Jeonghan?” you whisper, turns to find you there, black fruit piled in the sag of your apron, that you hold up in a makeshift basket, berry stained lips pursed in worry. “Stop what?”

He sinks to the bed, presses his palms to his eyes until the colours bloom behind them. “Is it you?” he says, voice high and thin.

You laugh, confused. “Who else would it be?”

It’s you. You you you you. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

In the morning light, the circus is a strange, sleeping thing. The fabric of the tents flutters in the wind. Train carriages whisper with the low breaths of their slumbering occupants. The Ferris wheel creaks the same as it does while in motion. Jeonghan drifts through the gaps in canvas and guideropes until he find Jun– the medium– sitting cross-legged by the fire on a blanket outside his tent, cards spread out before him, a map of someone’s fate. The wind whips at his hair, and his eyes flick up, like he feels Jeonghan’s presence. 

“Good morning,” he says. 

Jun sighs. “You shouldn’t be here.”

Jeonghan frowns. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispers. “I think I’m losing it–”

Jun’s gaze drops back to his cards. “This is just part of the process.”

“The process of what? Grieving? Don’t you think it’s been too long?”

“There’s no timeline for this, Jeonghan,” Jun murmurs. The fire pops. Jun gathers the cards one by one, his movements slow and deliberate. “You’re ready when you’re ready. It can’t be rushed.”

“You said that before,” Jeonghan presses, desperation seeping out of his skin. “You said that the last time. I can’t– Jun, I can’t keep doing this. I see her everywhere, even when she’s not here. I hear her when I sleep. This is killing me.”

“You have to let it,” Jun says firmly. “It’s part of it.”

“Can I talk to her?” His heart sinks as Jun shakes his head.

“Doesn’t work like that, my friend,” he says sadly. “She has to come to you.”

“Then can you get a message to her?”

Jun looks up at him again, eyes full of pity and something else Jeonghan can’t put his finger on. “And tell her what, Jeonghan? That she’s making you miserable? That you can’t move on? Do you think she’d understand that you’re stuck?” 

Jeonghan’s protests die on his lips. He watches as Jun stands, tosses a handful of powder into the flames, and the fire flares a strange grey before settling into it’s comforting crackle of orange again. “What does that mean?”

There’s a beat of silences before Jun says, “You need to stop clinging on.” 

“To what? To her?” His mind whirrs. 

“To this narrative,” Jun says. “You’ll never move on if you can’t look past it.” 

Jeonghan doesn’t understand. He never does. Jun’s cryptic fucking bullshit time and time again doesn’t help like he’d hoped. When he looks down, his hands are shaking. He doesn’t feel the cold deep like he used to, not truly, but he still feels the bite of it, an endless ache. He turns back toward the path to his carriage, feels Jun’s eyes on his back as he goes. 

Later, he sits curled into your chair, the tape crackles.

The mind will often protect itself from unbearable pain by refusing to accept the loss. This is denial. You may find yourself believing your loved one is still alive, hearing their voice in the next room, or sensing their presence in familiar places. This stage is not delusion– it is the heart’s attempt to shield itself while the mind adjusts to a new reality. Remember: it takes time to let go of what we cannot bear to lose.

Jeonghan doesn’t click it off this time. He leans forward, elbows pressed into his knees, cigarette burning low between his fingers. The voice on the tape drones on– purposefully too soft, almost clinical, like it’s trying to hypnotise him into sanity– but it only makes the world feel thinner.

4. Depression

Depression may feel like emptiness, like exhaustion that no amount of rest can fix. You may feel isolated, detached, or unable to find meaning in the things that once brought you joy. It’s important to know that these feelings are natural– though they may seem endless, they are part of the process of healing. Take each day one step at a time. Try to eat regular meals, sleep when you can, and let others care for you until you can care for yourself again.

The tape sputters, then clicks off on its own. Jeonghan doesn’t bother rewinding it anymore. The tape player has started doing things like that– stopping, rewinding, whirring quietly when he’s nowhere near it. Faulty wiring. A loose connection. If he could bring himself to care, he’d fix it, but everything seems to be coming loose these days.

It’s been an age since he last saw you. The trees are falling bare, and there’s an almost permanent layer of frost on the ground. Jeonghan used to wonder why you’d never seem to notice the change in seasons, now he’s figured your reality must differ from his. 

The bed has taken the shape of him. The dent in the mattress dips deep enough that sometimes he wakes and feels like he’s sinking. He used to pull the sheets tight each morning, smoothing the creases, a game of pretend that orderliness might save him. Now he just lies there, tracing patterns into your pillow, where he would’ve traced them into your skin.

He hasn’t properly eaten in days, or maybe weeks. It’s hard to tell time now he’s stopped bothering to open the curtains. Sometimes he thinks the circus has stopped travelling altogether. He never hears the engines anymore. Never feels the rumble under the floorboards when the carriages move from town to town. When he steps outside, the air always smells the same– a stale sweetness, old popcorn, and cigarettes and cheap whiskey. Maybe the last two are just him.

The bottles under the bed have multiplied. Their faint clinking keeps him company in the quiet hours. He started finding comfort in the sound. Jeonghan drags himself up once or twice a day to run water over his face. The tap always runs cold. He can’t remember if he ever fixed the heater. His reflection has started to look strange– edges too sharp, colour drained from his sallow skin, bedraggled hair, and deep hollows under his red-rimmed eyes. Looks something macarbe.

He lays in bed, hasn’t touched your favourite mug, half-full of coffee, left weeks ago on your nightstand. He blinks. Could it have been more recently? Wonders if the drink has muddled time for him. Maybe it was just yesterday? Maybe that’s why your scent still clings to the curtains, faint and so distinctly you.

There’s a sharp rap at the door that startles him out of his contemplation. When he opens it, there’s no one there. Just a thin mist rolling low over the grass. Jeonghan calls out, but his voice feels too quiet, like it doesn’t quite carry. No answer.

Back inside, he tries to listen for the others, the usual morning commotion– the rumble of footsteps, the laughter, the distant music from the rehearsal tents. Nothing. Only the faint creak of the floorboards when he moves, like the wood itself is sighing.

They’ve been giving him ‘space’– more like a wide berth. Jeonghan tell himself that’s just what people do when they don’t know what to say to the grieving. And still, when he does venture out, no one looks at him. He walks straight through clusters of stagehands tightening ropes, performers adjusting costumes, and not one of them turns. He stands close enough to smell the chalk on their hands, to hear their idle chatter, and they seem to shift away from him almost automatically. But they’re busy. Focused. No time to be distracted by someone else’s sadness.

Jun doesn’t meet his eye anymore either. The medium sits by the fire as always, cards fanned out like wings, but when Jeonghan stops by, Jun’s hand hovers above the deck, frozen. 

“Do you want me to draw for you?” he asks quietly.

Jeonghan opens his mouth to speak, but Jun is already plucking cards. He sinks beside him on the floor. The Moon. The Tower, reversed. The Hanged Man. Ten of Swords.

There’s a long silence. Jun doesn’t explain what lays in front of them, but then he never does with Jeonghan. He just sits, hands clasped in his lap, working his bottom lip between his teeth. “You’re almost ready. When it’s time, stand in her place.”

Jeonghan blinks. “What does that mean? Stand in her place?”

Jun rolls his shoulders, stretching the ache of sitting out of them. “You’ll know when it’s time.” 

Months ago, anger would have sparked in his gut at Jun’s deliberate obscurity, now he just feels nothing but flat, a dull resignation in his bones. 

Back in the carriage, the air feels heavy with dust and stale smoke. He lies back down, the ceiling pressing close above him. The world feels so much dimmer without you, the edges blurring like an old photograph. He remembers the sound of your voice still, but it’s distorted. Only the rhythm of it rings true, the shape your laughter, and the crinkles around your eyes when you smile.

He closes his eyes, thinks of the way you’d climb the ladder before every show, all shimmer and grace, suspended above him. Thinks about how the lights caught on the sequins, turning you into something celestial. Thinks about how he could never watch you fall since the first time. Not the moment itself. Always the before, always the after, always looking away during the thick of it.

He wonders, distantly, when he started hating heights. The thought drifts away before he can follow it because he’s pressing his palm over his chest pocket again. It’s still there.

The room grows quieter, until even the ticking of the clock stops. He listens for his heartbeat and realises he can’t hear it. Maybe he’s just tired. He turns onto his side, facing the empty space where you should be, and pleads, “Tomorrow. Come back tomorrow.”

5. Acceptance

Another perfect day with you– waking wrapped in arms and sheets, and eventually hot coffee pressed into your hands to stave off the crisp of the morning. Didn’t bother telling you that it’s spring now, that two years have passed since you fell, because that won’t make sense to you, and he’s long since learned not to try. The last time he told you the truth, you’d gone ashen and practically catatonic, and the next morning you were gone for weeks. Went so badly that now he just keeps up the pretense. Keeps wearing his mask. Keeps his heartbreak next to your ring in a locked chest under the bed.

Things aren’t better, but they’re bearable. He’s drinking less– some days not at all. The past few weeks, he’s taken to twirling a pencil between his fingers instead of a cigarette. The smell of smoke still lingers in the carriage, but it’s faint now, diluted by the scented oil you once loved, that he keeps burning over a candle. The mirror stays clean. The sheets get washed more often. You still disappear, but you always come back. He’s learned to make peace with his curse. He’s learned that grief can be lived with, even if it never really leaves.

You hum softly while washing your face in the mirror, backlit by the pale morning light, and Jeonghan watches you with quiet fondness. You glance at him through the reflection, smiling gentle. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he says. “You’re beautiful.”

You roll your eyes and laugh, the sound like warm rain. “You always say that.”

“Doesn’t make it less true.”

Jeonghan is softer now. The bitterness has faded into something else– a kind of resignation, maybe, or something close to gratitude. He can’t replace the light he’s lost in you, but you’re here. That’s enough. He’ll love your shadow still.

The day drifts by easily, like silk slipping between fingers. You practice, barefoot in the grass outside the tent, your body stretching and folding with the same grace that first stole his breath. Jeonghan lays on his stomach, sketching lazily in a half-filled notebook, pencil tapping rhythmically against the page. He draws the curve of your spine, the line of your jaw, the shimmer of sunlight on your sweat-sheened skin. You tease him for staring, but he only smiles. “Can’t help it,” he says. “You’re the love of my life.”

By nightfall, the air hums with the usual pre-show energy– music tuning, canvas rustling, laughter echoing through the narrow walkways. You take his hand and pull him inside the carriage before your time comes.

“Five minutes,” you whisper, tugging him close.

“Ten,” he counters.

You laugh, and it lights him up. “Fifteen?”

“Mm.” He kisses the corner of your mouth, and you walk him backwards to the bed. “Twenty.”

It’s slow, this time. Unhurried and reverent. His fingers trace your spine, gentle as your breath on his skin. When he slides into you, his vision clouds. You whisper loving against his skin– half-formed words, promises that can’t be kept. Before, it’d break him, but now it’s okay. He’ll live like this, with his waiting a thankless gift. 

His blood is pounding in his ears when you whisper, “You’re so close.”

He’s at the end of this tender rhythm, and he nods, breathless. “Yeah, angel,” he murmurs. “Yeah, almost.”

But your eyes are soft, fixed on something beyond as you press your lips to his neck. “So close,” you murmur against the shell of his ear. “We’re almost there, baby.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Jeonghan stands by the opening in the curtain, hands in his pockets, practicing the same ritual. You’re already nearing the platform, sequins flashing like stars against the dark. You glance over your shoulder when you reach the top, blow him a kiss. He catches it, presses it to his lips. The same as always.

Except this time, he finds Jun standing beside him. Jeonghan looks at him, a hundred questions whirring through his mind. 

“Are you ready to see it yet?” Jun asks quietly.

Jeonghan frowns, confused, but before he can answer, the music swells.

You step out onto the wire.

And everything snaps. The air thickens around him. He’s not now but two, ten, twenty years prior, more, maybe. All of these years happening at the same time, the timeline pulled taut together by the force of his awakening. Jun isn’t the young man he once was, but decades older. The spotlight burns white instead of orange. He sees it all. He sees it for what it is. The frayed end of the line, the knot that slipped. His knot. His hands. His fault. Distracted by you and your kisses and the night of your engagement and promise of what could be. The moment that rewound itself over and over until it rewrote him.

You fall.

This time, Jeonghan watches.

The gasp that tears from his throat never audible for anyone but him, and maybe Jun. The audience blurs into light and movement, the tent dissolving around him until there’s nothing left but the echo of the rope whipping through air. And in that sound, he remembers the rest.

He remembers the listlessness he slipped into after your body turned to ash. Remembers how he drank himself stupid to cope with his mess of a life without you, and the night he climbed the ladder, and how the dizzying height made him swallow back down the bile in his throat. He remembers the brief silence that followed his body hitting the floor, no crowd to watch him fall.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Now, he climbs again. The rungs are cold beneath his palms. The platform creaks gently, steady enough but it still sends nerves right through him. Below, the tent is silent. He looks over to find Jun, who nods, offers a half smile, and leaves without saying goodbye. 

Jeonghan doesn’t need this, anymore. Knows whatever life this has been wasn’t meant to be, that he’s been stuck in this endless cycle, and now he understands that all this time you’ve been trying to help him see. 

Stepping out is easier, the second time. And for a moment, it feels like flying. Dying, or rather dying twice doesn’t hurt, but the tears fall anyway, a sort of relief maybe, as he realises you haven’t been in pain the way he has. 

All at once it goes quiet, and a fog settles over his eyes. 

Acceptance is a misunderstood thing. It does not mean you stop missing the one you’ve lost, or that the pain has vanished. It means you begin to make room for the loss– to live alongside it, instead of within it. In time, you may find that your days hold moments of calm again. You may find yourself smiling at moments that once only made you ache. You may catch yourself laughing, or thinking of them without the familiar sting. This is not a betrayal of the person you lost. It is the mind’s way of learning to breathe again. It allows you to carry what was lost in a way that no longer crushes you.

Acceptance isn’t a finish line. It drifts in and out, the way light moves through a room when clouds pass. Do not be concerned if it seems fragile. Acceptance can come and go like the tide. This is normal. Remember that love does not end when life does. It simply changes form. And if you listen closely, you may find that it still speaks, quietly, in the spaces your person once filled.

The ground doesn’t feel cold like he thought it might. Doesn’t feel like anything but constant, steady. He doesn’t know where he’s going from here. But it’s okay. He’ll be okay.

“Jeonghan?” 

He turns toward the sound. After all this time, is it you or your ghost?

“Angel?” · · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

thank you for reading! if you like it, please consider reblogging and letting me know your thoughts!

your jaw dropped and he just laughed again, pulling you in, telling you how cute you are when you panic.

then lately, he wasn't even wearing shirts to bed anymore.

some nights he was too lazy he just wear boxers that in the mornings you feel him pressed against your ass or thighs, hard and twitching through thin fabric.

you don't say anything but… it stuck in your head, your heart always race and your body becoming more curious.

what does it really looks like when he's turned on?

how big is it, really?

will he feel good just from being touched?

and ni-ki's all over you again, his bare chest against your back, face in your neck, breathing soft and sleepy. his hand were already resting on your waist under your shirt... you'd gotten so used to the way his crotch pressed against you at night—but tonight, you feel him getting harder again.

you turned slightly to face him, "you're hard again…"

your boyfriend let out a sleepy chuckle. "well, sorry. i love being this close to my girlfriend so much that it turns me on…"

you pouted into the pillow. "so you're just gonna sleep it away?"

he laughed softly and groaned into your neck. "babe, why are you so concerned about my dick?"

"i'm not! i mean—" you turned to look at him, flustered. "i'm concerned about you."

ni-ki opened one eye, "well, i'm not gonna die because of it, you know?"

you sighed heavily and kept thinking about it. he's right there. too close… and part of you just really wants to— "…can i touch it?"

his eyes opened and his sleepy expression vanished in an instant, "what?"

you met his gaze, more nervous now. "uhh, can i… touch it?"

"o– of course…"

you reached down carefully, hand sliding beneath the waistband of his boxers, you felt ni-ki's whole body shuddered.

he let out a low, breathy moan and leaned in to start kissing you slow and needy. your touch had completely jolted him wide awake. "oh, fuck… baby…"

your fingers wrapped around him, eyes widening slightly. "it's big."

ni-ki smirked against your lips, his voice got deeper now. "hmm, really? it's not even that hard yet."

you didn't have time to reply, he took your hand, and before you could process it, he actually spit into your palm.

"riki—?!"

"shh, trust me." he laced his fingers with yours and wrapped your slicked-up hand around his length, groaning as he helped you stroke him.

his cock hardened so quickly it startled you. it got even bigger, practically pulsing in your grip that your one hand wasn't enough anymore.

you looked down. "it's… not fitting."

ni-ki laughed breathlessly. "it's okay, you're doing so good. ahm, fuck, that feels good."

"do you want to suck it too?"

your lips parted. "i– i don't know how…"

he bit his lip before he kissed your jaw, his breath felt hot on your skin, practically warming you too. "i'll teach you."

he shifted both of you on the bed, ni-ki leaned back against the headboard as you positioned yourself between his legs. his boxers were halfway down already, his cock flushed and glistened in the low light...

ni-ki trailed his thumb across your cheek down to your lips.

"you sure, baby?"

you hesitated, heart pounding as your eyes flicked between his face and what was between his thighs.

"you don't have to," he added softly, other hand brushing your hair back. "we can stop here—seriously."

"no, i really want to." you replied, making ni-ki smile proudly.

you stared at his cock slightly twitching in the air, its tip flushed red, already glistening with his pre-cum. you'd felt it under his boxers before but seeing it like this, in front of you...

it made your mouth dry.

you swallowed, moving your fingers before your brain could catch up. your wrapped one hand around the base then adding your second hand just above it.

not enough.

there was too much of him to hold. his cock is too thick, long, and the pre-cum spills from the tip was making your palms even more slippery.

you gave him a slow stroke, then another. your hands moved tentatively, sliding up and down in clumsy rhythm. the wet slick sounds between your palms made your face heat up and your pussy clench. so erotic.

n-ki groaned low, his hips twitching slightly just from your touches. "oh, baby…"

you looked up at him, face burning even more. "i really don't know what i'm doing."

he reached for you instantly, stroking your cheek with the backs of his fingers. his touch was tender, ni-ki murmured. "you don't have to be good... just want you, you're already making me crazy here."

you stroked him again, faster this time, watching the way his face twisted in your grip. his tip leaked steadily, slick smearing across your knuckles.

"you can keep using both of your hands," ni-ki whispered shakily. "but… i think i'm gonna lose it the second you put your mouth on me."

"i wanna try."

your lips parted slowly as you leaned forward, tongue flicking out, licking to taste him first.

"shit—" he hissed, jaw clenched, head tipping back against the headboard. "y/n..."

you took him in a little deeper but your throat tightened immediately—you gagged, pulling back with a choked breath.

"it's okay. just go slow," he chuckled, panting as his hand gently rested at the back of your head. "don't push yourself too deep." though the deeper you went, the better it felt for ni-ki.

you nodded, trying again. your lips stretched wider, jaw already aching. spit gathered at the corners of your mouth as you bobbed your head fast. you wrapped one hand around what couldn't fit. he was burning hot in your mouth, heavy against your tongue, twitching with every movement.

god, i'm probably so bad at this…

his fingers curled in your hair now. voice breaking as he whispered through his gritted teeth.

"you're doing so good," he groaned. "your mouth feels so good..."

you tried to breathe through your nose. your eyes stung with tears.

his cock throbbed against your throat. salty, warm, very new to taste but his moans were so fucking addictive too that you just couldn't stop even if you wanted too.

you adjusted your angle, trying to breathe—but your throat flexed without meaning to, swallowing around him.

ni-ki's eyes widened, choking on a moan.

"f–fuck—baby, that—what you just did—"

you blinked up at him confused, still messy and teary, holding him steady in your mouth.

you did it again. let your throat flex around him, tighten your lips, letting him feel just how snug you were inside.

his thighs tensed instantly, hand clenching on your hair tightly, "…shit, i'm close."

you swallowed again, a whimper caught in your throat as your lips slid down further, his cock twitched violently in response, suddenly getting even bigger. he gasped, "wait—baby, almost there—don't stop."

you started to pull back, overwhelmed—but his hand stayed at the back of your head desperately.

"don't pull away—please," he gasped. "let me—let me finish in your mouth—i can't hold it— y/n"

you nodded and started sucking harder, bobbing your head faster.

ni-ki came with a loud, broken moan, hips jerking uncontrollably as thick spurts of cum spilled into your mouth. you gagged again from the volume, the heat, the unfamiliar taste—it's so much—but you swallowed all of it, trying to keep up.

you were shaking too now. your jaw hurts, your hands were messy and slippery, and your eyes were wet and full with tears—but you didn't stop until he was done and empty.

ni-ki couldn't stop groaning, whispering your name as he brushed your hair out of your face with the most wrecked look you'd ever seen.

it's second period. your teacher kept talking about something — but you're not hearing none of it.

your mouth had been on him less than twelve hours ago and all ni-ki can think about is the way you'd looked at him then — all soft, nervous, and curious, like he was something you wanted to figure out.

you're sitting a few rows ahead of him. head is bowed low, playing with pen in hand, pretending to take notes,

he knows you're not listening either.

your shoulders are a little tense, lips kept parting every time your mind wander. he saw you smiling to yourself — shy, spaced-out, those little smiles makes his stomach tighten.

you must be thinking about it too.

you have to be.

ni-ki adjusts in his seat, subtly shifting his legs under the desk, feeling his pants feel tighter than they should. and it's not like he's that hard-hard... almost. it's hard enough to feel it. enough to make him want to sneak away, press his forehead to a locker, and groan while palming himself.

he's been like this for a week. every class. every time he looks at you.

you've been giving him blowjobs for a week now and the flashbacks hits like static electricity.

the sound of you choking just a little, the sight of your eyes, glassy and wet, you're hurting but still looking up at him.

the heat of your mouth, the press of your throat, the way your hands trembles slightly as you touch him.

you made him fall apart.

and now he can't stop thinking about you, how would you fall apart for him too.

ni-ki's fingers tighten around his pen. his jaw flexes slightly.

he shouldn't think about it here. oh he shouldn't picture the way you'd sound if he had his mouth between your thighs, kissing, making out with your pussy, licking, sucking on your clit until you couldn't even speak—

"riki," the teacher calls.

he jolts slightly.

"y– yes?"

"do you know what group you're assigned to?"

his mind went absolutely blank.

"…uh, no."

the whole class shook their heads. ni-ki swallowed, tries to find a safe answer but fails.

"listen carefully next time," the teacher warned. "you're on group two."

you glanced over your shoulder and met his eyes. your face goes red immediately.

you're both so, so bad at hiding it.

later, during break, you catch each other by the lockers. ni-ki leans close, arms crossed as he towers over you, trying to be casual — and failing completely.

"baby... you were zoning out the whole time," you murmured. "what's got you so distracted, huh?"

his eyes flick down to your lips just for a second.

"you," he said, honest as ever.

you blushed and smacked his arm. "shut up."

"…i keep thinking about last night," ni-ki whispered, making your heart dangerously stutters.

"yeah?" you breathed.

he nodded slowly, eyes dropping back to your mouth, your neck, your body. he swallowed thickly, quiet but you can now practically hear the words he's holding back.

"i wanna make you feel good too."

"w-what…?"

"i just… i think about it. a lot." he pouted, eyes soft but looked stormy at the same time. "i can't be the only one who cums every night."

"not here, riki—!"

he grinned and bit his lip to stop himself. he held your wrist gently, seeking more connection, more of you.

the bell finally rang.

you step back reluctantly, adjusting your skirt and trying to breathe like you weren't just fantasizing about your boyfriend in a school hallway.

ni-ki stays leaning against the lockers, watching you walk away, hand slipping into his pocket. he pulls out your phone that you'd left at your desk this morning.

[cycle tracker] you're ovulating today!

"oh?"

a/n: random fic. just want to get some drafts out. this was supposed to be for a bad boy!ni-ki but it was too long so i had to shorten and throw away the plot TT i have so much in my drafts, i just might delete all of it. part two soon :p

Jaehyun: Heey…

Not a minute later another message came.

Jaehyun: What r u doin this weekend?

You opened the message absentmindedly and replied.

‘I’m busy’ 

Jaehyun: oh ok

Jaehyun: no big deal

You should have finished the conversation there instead of asking…

‘why what’s up?

Jaehyun: nah its okay if youre busy

And now you felt like shit. Jaehyun had been an amazing friend to you for years and you had  just lied to him because you were too embarrassed to face him and the rest of his pack after what had happened with Jisung. 

‘No, Jae´

‘What do you need?’

´Tell me´

You bit your lip and waited but his answer never came, and being a huge overthinker, you found yourself dialing his number. He picked up after a few seconds.

“Hello?” You hadn’t heard his voice in a while. It caught you by surprise.

“H-hey!” you croaked, your own voice hoarse due to the lack of use. When was the last time you had actually talked out loud?

“Hey, you!” you could hear his smile even if you couldn’t see it, and it was contagious. “How have you been? It’s been a while…”

“I’m good,” you lied. “Just busy…and you?”

“I’m alright…” he said but he didn’t sound too great. There was a hint of tiredness in his voice, and maybe worry? You knew each other so well you just knew he wasn’t okay. 

“Jae… what’s going on?” you asked.

“I don’t know. You tell me,”  he breathed out. “What’s going on?”

“...What do you mean?” you murmured, but you had an idea of where this was going.

“Well, you stopped showing up for movie nights like a month ago,” he started what felt like would be a long list of complaints. “Then Jisung disappeared for a couple of days, which he apparently spent with you, and when he came back he was a fully presented alpha-”

“Fuck…,” you sighed, because this was going exactly where you thought it would.

“And he looked so happy,” Jaehyun continued. You heard a can being opened and him gulping down a couple of sips of whatever liquid was inside that can. “Calm and collected, like he had suddenly figured out his entire life. He even smirked at me like he was mocking me, so I assumed… I thought that you two- you know…”

“I’m sorry, Jae…,” you finally said.

“Why?” he asked after a few seconds waiting for you to continue. “Why are you sorry?”

“I shouldn’t-fuck,” you sighed, frustrated. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

You heard Jaehyun take a few more sips of his drink on the other side of the line.

“...So, you two-?” 

“Yeah,” you admitted. “We spent his first rut together. I’m sorry.”

“Again, why are you sorry?!” he raised his voice only slightly, and then as if he could see you flinching, he lowered his tone again in a calming manner. “What’s there to be sorry for?”

When you didn’t reply for what could have been an entire minute, he spoke again. “Let me see you. We can talk properly then.”

“Jae-” 

“Y/N, please?” he pleaded. “I haven’t seen you in so long- I miss my best friend…”

“I miss you too…” you said.

“Then let’s hang out. Just the two of us, if you don’t feel comfortable meeting the others yet.” he offered. 

You smiled. That seemed reasonable. 

“We can do that,” you accepted. “You wanna come over?”

“Mmm… I’ll tell you what,” he countered cheekily. “Since you always complain about me making a mess and not helping you clean up when I show up, let’s get an airbnb for the weekend.”

“Jae.”

“Y/N.”

“That’s such a waste of money,” you deadpanned. “Just come over and help me clean. It won’t kill you to pick up a broom once in a while.”

“Can’t hear you, I’m booking an apartment,” he declared.

“Jaehyun!”

“Booked!”

You gasped and then groaned. “What the fuck, Jaehyun?”

“Stop whining and have a movie weekend with me. You owe me for leaving me abandoned in this cruel house full of men,” he reproached. “I’m bored, and I miss you, so I’ll see you at 8PM.”

 And he hung up just like that. Leaving you wide eyed and with less than an hour to get ready and go to the address he sent you. Quickly, you took a shower, without even bothering to dry your hair and wore the most comfortable pair of shorts and hoodie you found, grabbing some extra clothes and putting them in your backpack before getting going. The airbnb wasn’t too far from your place, and you mentally thanked Jaehyun for being considerate, but all gratitude was gone when he opened the place and greeted you impolitely. 

“You look like shit,” typical Jaehyun. 

“Fuck off,” you said, walking past him to get in the cozy apartment he had unnecessarily rented. You probably did look like shit, to be fair; dark circles under your eyes, your skin looking dull and your wet hair sticking to your forehead and neck, you probably weren’t looking your best. But he didn’t have to say it like that.

You had barely stepped into the living room when you felt Jaehyun’s arms wrapping around you from behind, catching you off guard. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said before you had the chance to ask why the sudden hug.

“It’s fine, I’m not mad. I know I look like shi-”

“No, not because of that,” he interrupted you and you heard him sigh behind you. “I was the one who told you Jisung had imprinted on you.” 

“Jae, what-” you tried to turn around but he hugged you tighter, so you stayed still. You knew how awkward he was when it came to apologizing, so he probably wanted to avoid eye contact until he was done speaking.

“Because of what I said you felt pressured into spending his rut with him,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s my fault that things got awkward-”

“Jaehyun, no,” you stopped before he could spill any more nonsense and grabbed his hands firmly but gently, motioning for him to let go of you before you turned around. “This is not your fault.”

“You’re my best friend,” he said, lowering his eyes in guilt. “And I misread the signs. I thought you had feelings for him-”

“You were right,” you admitted, gently lifting his face. “I feel something for Jisung.”

 Jaehyun blinked a few times, then his brows furrowed as he tried to process what you had just said.“Then why are you avoiding him?!”

“It’s…,” you sighed and turned away, walking towards the kitchen. “It’s a lot to take in…”

“...Go on,” he encouraged you as he helped you reach some plates from the upper cabinet and placed them on the counter. 

You sighed. “Why don’t we eat first?”

“I’m not hungry,” he argued, but he didn’t sound convincing. He was always hungry, so you just raised a brow and stared at him until he gave in. “Fine, I’m a little bit hungry, but we still have to talk after we eat.Should we order something?”

“What are you in the mood for?” you giggled.

“Uh… pizza? Chicken?” he asked, seemingly deep in thought. “Both?”

You laughed out loud and nodded. “Both it is,” you agreed. “No need to order, though.”

“Wha-?” he looked away from his phone where he was already opening the delivery app and his attention was directed towards a dim light surrounding your hands. In a matter of seconds, the plates in front of you were filled with a variety of delicious-looking food that had Jaehyun stuttering incredulously. “No way! When d-did you…? Wow! I thought you could only materialize liquids!”

“I’ve been practicing,” you said coyly. 

 Jaehyun immediately grabbed a slice of pizza and shoved it into his mouth,closing his eyes and  moaning dramatically. “Marry me, Y/N, I swear-” his offering got interrupted when he choked on the food he was so excited to eat, coughing while you patted his back,

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jaehyun!” you nagged him playfully as he finally calmed down. “You still have to meet your mate, so stop asking random people to marry you.”

“I don’t just ask random people!” he defended himself, before eating another piece of pizza like he wasn’t choking seconds ago. He just didn’t learn. Zero survival instinct. “I asked you! I trust you! You literally made food appear like Jesus-”

“Jesus multiplied food, he didn’t just materialize it,” you were laughing hysterically now. 

“You’re even better than Jesus then!” he continued, glad he was making you laugh after so long without seeing each other. 

“I’m not gonna marry you, Jaehyun,” you finally said when you were able to control your laugh. “I’m Jisung’s-,” you gasped and quickly covered your mouth when you processed what you had just said. 

Jaehyun smiled knowingly. “I can see that,” he said pointing at the mark that your hoodie failed to hide. “Seems like it’s official.”

You blushed and let out a frustrated sigh. “I really fucked up.”

“I still don’t get it, Y/N. You two like each other-more than just like, actually- so why are you acting like this?” he asked you softly. 

“I feel-...I feel like I t-took advantage of him, Jaehyun,” you said, staring at the food that was getting cold. “It was his first rut. He couldn’t control himself.”

Jaehyun snorted and you glared at him, wanting to know what was so funny.

“Look, Y/N… with or without rut, I’m sure he loved fucking you- Hold on! Put that down! Hear me out!” he yelped when you grabbed an empty plate and aimed at him threateningly, your expression unamused at his crude choice of words. “Y/N, he’s wanted you since I first introduced you to the others years ago. I know it. All of us know it.”

“How can you be so sure?” you asked slowly, putting the plate down.

“Well, I-... I have seen things.” he said.

“What type of things?

“Remember that shirt you left behind the first time you stayed at my place for the night? The pink one with a small heart on it? I was gonna wash it and give it back to you.”

“I liked that shirt…” you mumbled, slowly picturing the mental image of the forgotten shirt. “But you said you couldn’t find it, that it wasn’t at your place.”

“I lied,” he admitted. Normally he would avoid eye contact in situations like these, but now he was staring right into your eyes, like he wanted- needed- you to listen to him carefully, to understand, to take his words seriously. “Jisung has it.”

 You opened your mouth, but no words came out. 

“After you left, I asked the pack if they had seen the shirt and I described it in detail, but everyone said they hadn’t seen it. Jisung’s face was red as a tomato, staring at the floor and squirming in his seat..I didn’t think much of it at first, but when I found  the shirt under his pillow weeks later…” Jaehyun let out a soft chuckle and shook his head at what he thought was a funny memory. “I knew if he didn’t find it where he left it, he would panic at the thought of someone discovering his secret. I didn’t want to embarrass him so I left the shirt right there and didn’t say anything.”

“Maybe Chenle put my shirt there as a joke,” you argued, but deep down you knew Jisung himself had willingly kept your shirt.

“That’s not all I’ve seen. I see how he looks at you; his pupils dilate while following your every fucking move like he’s on drugs. I’ve seen him smelling your hair when you aren’t paying attention, licking his lips while looking at yours-”

“Jaehyun-”

“I’ve heard things too,” he bit his lips and raised his eyebrows suggestively, hoping you would get it, but you just stared back at him blankly. “I’ve heard him moaning your name late at night more times than I can count.”

“Oh my god, Jaehyun! Shut up!” you hissed, scandalized.

“It’s not like I want to hear, Y/N,” he hissed back, imitating your tone. “Werewolves just happen to have incredibly good hearing. If I heard it, then trust me, the entire pack heard it. He wants you like crazy, Y/N. The rut just gave him the courage to act on it.”

 You felt yourself blushing and your heart beating faster at the newfound information. Part of you was happy to know that it hadn’t just been his rut, but that didn’t solve everything.

 “He’s too young. It’s just wrong,” you argued exhaustedly.

“...Seriously? That’s what made you run away from the poor guy?” Jaehyun asked incredulously. “His age?”

“He’s not ready to make a lifetime decision like that-”

“No, Y/N. Stop babying him,” Jaehyun wasn’t going to accept that as an argument. “Yeah, he’s a bit younger than you, but so what?! He is an adult! And he presented as an alpha-”

“He just presented-”

“What difference does it make? Whether he presented yesterday, last month, or last year doesn’t change who he is. He is a man, Y/N and he knows what he wants.”

 You gulped and cleared your throat awkwardly. Jaehyun normally wasn’t this stubborn; he always let you have it your way and win every argument, but he wasn’t backing down now. You didn’t want to continue this conversation anymore.

“Jaehyun, I came here to see you. I don’t want to fight,” your voice shook slightly as you spoke. “Can we just watch a movie together?”

Jaehyun didn’t want to fight either. And he especially didn’t want to make you cry, he just wanted the best for you and Jisung, but he could tell the conversation wasn’t going anywhere. He would have to find another way to help you.

“Let’s watch Barbie,” he proposed, hoping to make you laugh again. You rolled your eyes and suppressed a smile, which was enough for him. You spent the evening joking, laughing and watching movies, complaining about the characters and the plot holes while cuddling like in the old times. You felt comfortable in your friend’s arms and soon started falling asleep while he caressed your hair. Jaehyun was whispering something, but you were too tired to pay attention.

“Forgive me,” you thought you heard him say before you surrendered to sleep. 

When you woke up a couple of hours later, Jaehyun wasn’t next to you; his side of the bed was cold and the TV screen displayed that Netflix message asking if you wanted to continue watching. Everything was in silence.

“Jaehyun?” you called out sleepily. 

“He is not here,” that voice did not belong to Jaehyun. You jumped slightly and looked around trying to find the source of that voice, your eyes slowly adapting to the darkness around you. 

“J-jisung?!” you breathed out when you finally spotted him sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, his features barely distinguishable under the little rays of moonlight that managed to enter the room.

 He just stared back at you tiredly. Like you, he looked like he hadn’t slept well in a while. 

“W-where is Jaehyun?How did y-you get in?” you asked nervously. 

Jisung’s gaze darkened, his fingertips digged harshly into his knees and he clenched his jaw before reaching for his phone in his pocket and unlocking it. After scrolling down a couple of times, he stood up and walked around the bed, making you squirm cautiously at his behavior. He stopped next to you and showed you the screen of his phone, the light hurting your eyes slightly. 

 There it was: a message from Jaehyun with the exact address you were in and the code he needed to open the door, followed by the words ‘she is here.’

 “W-what…?” you mumbled dumbly, reaching for your own phone and finding a message for you too.

Jaehyun: sorry Y/N but u 2 need to talk

You scoffed incredulously. “Fucking traitor.”

You slammed your phone on the nightstand and sighed, your eyes meeting Jisung’s once again. His unreadable expression made you incredibly nervous.

“W-when did you get here?” You were the first to break the silence.

“An hour ago… or maybe two,” Jisung replied, dark eyes still boring into yours.

“Oh,” you shifted awkwardly on the bed. That meant he had been watching you sleep the entire time. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I didn’t want to scare you,” he mumbled, his fingertips playing with the hem of his hoodie. “I’m not dumb. I know you’re avoiding me. I just wanted to look at you a bit longer and then leave before you woke up,” his voice got smaller as he reached the end of that sentence. 

 The way he was showing himself in such a vulnerable and hesitant state made all the negative feelings you had been feeling the last couple of weeks come back stronger than ever; guilt, shame, anxiety and fear. Jaehyun was right; you had to at least have the decency to talk to Jisung and solve this issue once and for all.

“Jisung,” you called out, making him flinch slightly. “There’s something I have to tell you-”

“Could you take a shower first?” he suddenly blurted out, like he had been holding it in for a while. “You reek of him,” he quickly explained when you gave him a perplexed look. 

 Your first instinct was to argue back; to tell him that he had to get over it and that this conversation was more important than his wolf being possessive. But after a moment of thinking, you decided to fulfill  his request. You had already done enough damage, and you were about to hurt him even more, so the least you could do was make it a bit more comfortable for him. 

“Sure,” you said as you got up from the bed and made your way to the bathroom, grabbing some clothes from your backpack as you walked past him. “See you in a bit.”

 He let out a soft ‘ok’ before you closed the bathroom door and leaned against it, your legs shaking slightly. You had forgotten how alluring his voice was, how pretty his eyes were and how soft his lips looked. As you felt hot water run down your skin for the second time that day, part of you wanted to just beg for his forgiveness and kiss him until your lips were swollen, but then again, that little voice in your head told you you shouldn’t and that you had to end things with him. Or at least that was what you intended when you exited the bathroom and joined him in the living room. 

“Put this on,” he offered you the hoodie he was wearing earlier as soon as he saw you. Suddenly a cold shiver ran down your spine and you finally noticed that Jisung had opened all the windows- probably in an attempt to get rid of Jaehyun’s scent. 

“I’ll just go get my own hoodie,” you replied, but he quickly shook his head.

“No. This one,” he insisted, practically shoving the hoodie into your arms. “Please,” he added when he sensed your hesitation. You sighed, and put it on, again telling yourself it was the least you could do for him. 

“Listen, Ji-” you started saying, but as soon as you finished putting the large hoodie on Jisung’s arms were around your waist, bringing you incredibly close to him as he rested his head on your shoulder, nuzzling into the crook of your neck affectionately. An unintentional  pang of pleasure clouded your mind when he rubbed the mark on your neck slightly and you couldn’t help the way your body relaxed, baring your neck for him.  Jisung hummed appreciatively and gave your neck a long lick that made you whimper before you remembered what you were going to say. “J-jisung-”

“Hmm?” he acknowledged with a kiss on your neck before he got back to scenting you.. 

“I’m-” you bit your lip and gathered the courage you needed before speaking again. “I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you.”

He tightened the hold his arms had around you, fingers digging into your flesh. “It’s okay,” he assured you quickly through shaky breaths. “We’re okay.”

“It’s not okay,” you sighed and tried to put some distance between the two of you, but he didn’t budge. “I- I should have done this sooner-”

“I said we’re fine,” he repeated, this time his voice was firm. “We’re together now.”

“But we´re not- we shouldn’t b-be…fuck,” you groaned and took a deep breath. “What happened between us- it was a mistake.”

 There. You said it.

 The hug you were captive in loosened up and Jisung lifted his head, taking a hesitant step away from you. His brows furrowed in a puzzled expression that soon turned into one of anguish, his glossy eyes telling you that was the last thing he wanted to hear right now. You felt like absolute trash.

“...Why do you say that?” he asked, his voice cracking. 

You did your best to ignore the way your chest throbbed at the sight. “It w-was your first rut and I-”

“Fuck,” Jisung turned around and threw his head back, walking a few steps away before he hunkered down on the floor like he was in physicall pain. “FUUUCK!”

 You didn’t dare to move nor say anything else. It was the first time you had heard him raise his voice and it reminded you of the severity of the situation you were in. You  had fucked up badly. 

“Of course!” he said as he slowly stood up, facing you again, his face pure of torment. Heartbroken. “Of course you would never want to do all that with me,” he laughed bitterly. 

You clenched your eyes, his words hurting more than you anticipated. “Jisung, I-”

“You just felt sorry for the late presenter who was humping your pillow like a loser,” he spat angrily. 

“That’s not true-”

“And here I was thinking I had a chance with you,” he continued rambling,panting heavily. “That you may actually like me back-”

“I do!” you bursted out, finally catching his attention. “I do like you,” you admitted as tears rolled down your face. “I like you s-so much,” you ended your confession with a sob and covered your face with your hands. “I’m so sorry.”

For a whole minute the only noise that could be heard in the living room were your mournful sobs and Jisung’s heavy breathing. 

“...You lost me there,” Jisung finally broke the silence. “I don’t get it,” he walked towards you cautiously as you wiped your tears desperately. “If you and I feel the same, then why-... why are you saying it was a mistake?”

“B-because you-,” you tried to compose yourself and speak properly, but your body and heart simply weren’t in the mood to listen to your brain. “You’re too young and-”

“What?!” Jisung asked like you had just said he was a vampire. You tried to hide your face again but he grabbed both your wrists and pulled them to your sides, his eyes looking for yours. “I’m too what?!” he repeated.

“Too young…” you barely whispered, looking away.

“Too young for what?” he spoke through gritted teeth. “To date? To make my fucking choices? To fuck?!” he continued, slowly cornering you against the wall. “Too young for you, noona?”

 You inhaled sharply when your back bumped into the wall and he pinned your hands on each side of your head. “J-jisung, we s-shouldn’t-”

“Why?” 

“I just don’t w-wanna take a-advantage of yo-” before you could finish that sentence Jisung was kissing you firmly, soft lips moving against yours. Your heartbeat accelerated when he nibbled on your bottom lip softly, as if asking for permission and letting out a frustrated groan when you didn’t let him in. You turned your head to the side and spoke again. “Jisung I can’t-”

“Shut up,” Jisung growled, letting go of your hands to grab your jaw and forcefully make you face him, his other hand sneaking around your waist. “Just shut up. I don’t wanna hear any more nonsense,” he warned you and crashed his lips into yours again, nibbling and licking insistently for you to part your lips. When you refused to give in again, his hand went from your jaw to the back of your head, grabbing your hair and tugging enough to catch you by surprise, using the soft gasp he elicited from you as an opportunity to finally deepen the kiss. He moaned into the kiss and massaged your scalp gently as an apology,  and you felt your eyes roll to the back of your skull, finally daring to kiss him back, all will to fight slowly evaporating from your body. When he broke away from the kiss, you caught yourself feeling utterly disappointed. 

“Are you done being impossible?” he asked, pecking your lips softly. “Done making things unnecessarily difficult?” the next kiss lasted a bit longer, his hands finding their way to your hips. “Where did you even get that ridiculous idea, hm?” he pressed his hips into yours, immediately reminding you of his size. “You think I’m some innocent kid, is that it?” he challenged, rutting against you firmly. The effect was immediate: you felt yourself melt into a puddle at the touch you had been craving for weeks, letting out a soft moan, much to Jisung’s delight. “Yeah? You missed me?” he chuckled against your lips, pressing himself against you harder and making you whine desperately. “Then you should have picked up your phone, no? Texted me back? Opened the door when I showed up?” He kissed his way from your jaw to your neck, sucking harshly. “All because you felt guilty? Guilty for what? For making my biggest fantasy come true?” he growled against your neck, making you tremble.

“Jisung-,” you gulped when he grabbed your shorts and panties and pulled them down unceremoniously. “S-slow down. Let’s think-”

“Don’t wanna,” he simply said as he finished undressing your lower parts. “I’ve had plenty of time to think. I’ve been thinking about this for years, noona,” he pulled his sweatpants down along with his boxers only enough for his hardened cock to be released, bobbing and hitting his covered lower abdomen. “The more I think of it, the harder I get.”

 You could feel yourself drooling at the sight of Jisung slowly jacking off in front of you as he observed you with hooded eyes.

“You want it?”  he teased you, his hand circling the tip of his cock and squeezing slightly, hissing. You could only nod dumbly. “But you think it’s wrong, huh?” he quirked his eyebrows and you nodded again. He rolled his eyes and pressed his body close to yours again. “Because I’m too young?” he cooed. Again, you nodded, like it was the only thing you knew how to do. He hummed, not stopping the constant movement of his hand on his dick, while his other hand made its way between your legs, sliding two fingers along your pussy and spreading your wetness to your clit. “Then why are you this wet? Aren’t I too young to make you this wet, noona?”

 You closed your eyes, embarrassed. “J-jisung, please…” you begged, without being sure of what you were begging for. He slowly inserted both fingers into your entrance, both your jaw and his falling open; yours due to the stretch and his for the anticipation of being surrounded by you. He moved his fingers carefully inside of you, searching for that one spot he had found last time-

“AH! J-jisung oh g-god!”

Found it. He smirked and stole another kiss from you before quickly massaging that spot in a ´come here´ motion, along with stroking his cock lazily. 

“Jisung f-fuck, fuck oh-!” you didn’t know what to hold onto, and ended up pulling at his shirt with trembling hands. Sensing how close you were, he put his own pleasure aside, releasing his own member and using that hand to draw smooth circles on your clit. “JISUNG-” you gasped and threw your head back, surrendering to the intense orgasm Jisung had built up for you. You didn’t know if it was because of the mating mark, but only Jisung could make you feel like this. You worked on controlling your breathing as Jisung retracted his fingers from you gently, and opened your eyes right in time to see him bring his soaked fingers to his mouth, licking them wantonly and moaning in delight. For a second his eyes gleamed a reddish tone that made your blood run cold. 

“Don’t worry,” he said as if he knew what you were thinking. “It’s too soon for me to have another rut. Especially when my last one left me so…,” he licked his lips. “...Satisfied.”

“O-oh,” you replied, trying your best to form a coherent sound, but your legs chose that moment to give up on you and your body started sliding down the wall. Luckily, Jisung was fast enough to reach for you and hold you firmly against him. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice showing a hint of nervousness as he tried to look for an answer in your unfocussed eyes. 

“Feel weird-” you managed to answer, letting him lift your weak body and guide your legs around his waist, pressing you against the wall once again. When his hot cock rubbed against your sensitive pussy your entire body trembled and you moaned into his chest. 

“Noona,” he cupped your face with his palm, holding your weight with one arm like it was nothing. “Weird how? What do you feel?”

 You shook your head weakly. You didn’t know how to explain the way your body responded to Jisung, making your limbs weak, your chest warm, and every nerve tingling with pleasure, something in the back of your head telling you to submit to him. Jisung bit his lip before he decided to look for your neck, giving it experimental nuzzles and licks like a puppy trying to comfort its owner. You moaned out loud and bared your neck for him, giving him as much access as he wanted.

“A-alpha,” you moaned, shaking in his arms. Jisung’s eyes lit up with a hint of red again, and stared at you expectantly. “Make it b-better, alpha-,” you sobbed desperately.

 Something in Jisung snapped right in that moment, inhaling sharply and kissing you fiercely, his hips rutting against you roughly and creating a friction that had you gasping into the kiss. 

“It’s okay, noona,” he assured you while his hand slid between your bodies to line himself up against your entrance, pressing only slightly in an attempt to make you open up for him without forcing it, although it felt like torture for you. “Alpha will take care of you,” he declared before the head slid in, making both of you moan loudly. “Feels good, yeah? Feel how good alpha fills you up?” he panted when he managed to bury himself completely inside of you.

“S-so good,” you stuttered brainlessly, letting him bounce you on his cock and against the wall. 

“Still think this is wrong?” he asked in between kisses. “Still think I’m too young?”

 He slowed down his thrust to a stop when you didn’t reply, distancing his upper body from you enough to see your embarrassed face. “You do?!” he asked incredulously. You looked away and he scoffed. “Am I not enough of a man for you? Even after I marked your pretty neck as mine? Even when you can barely take my cock?” he thrusted into you sharply as to emphasize his question. “Get rid of that stupid thought, now,” he ordered you, his eyes showing a red hue again.

“I-I’m trying-,” you hiccupped with difficulty as he fucked you intently. “It’s n-not that e-easy-”

“Let me help you,” he hissed and just like that you suddenly didn’t feel the wall against your back anymore. You shrieked and hugged Jisung more tightly out of fear of falling on the floor now that you didn’t have the wall as support. Jisung walked a few steps back, with you clinging onto him like a koala,  before he grabbed your waist with both hands. “Let me show you how much of a man I can be.”

Before you could complain about the possibility of you being too heavy for this, or him losing balance, or all the ways this could end up badly, he silenced you by lifting you up and slamming you down back into his cock with ease, reaching deep enough to make you choke on your saliva. 

 “Could someone who is too young do this?” He snickered and kissed your neck before he started moving you up and down his cock with ease, as the muscles in his forearms tightened and his veins popped up attractively. You didn’t even know strength could turn you on like this, but when Jisung used you like you were nothing but a fleshlight you felt another orgasm approaching you fast. “Tell me, noona,” he hissed. “Am I n-not a man to you?” he fought the need to roll his eyes back in pleasure to see your wrecked face.

“Al- alpha,” you tried to reply as you felt your orgasm so close you could barely speak. “Y-you a-...you’re a m-man fuck, alpha, alph-AH!” you sobbed as your vision went blank and your walls clamped around him, making him moan and tremble, hugging you tightly against his chest, where you could feel his heart beating through the material of his shirt. 

“Say it again,” he demanded, his hard cock still inside of you contrasting the romantic nature of the way he was hugging you. 

“Y-you’re a man,” you admitted, feeling weak after the mindblowing orgasm.

“Say you’re mine,” he spoke again.

“I’m…,” you sighed as he kissed your mark softly. “I’m yours, alpha.”

“Now tell everyone,” he ordered, catching you off guard. Who was he talking about? Did he mean telling the other members of his pack? Telling your friends? Introducing him to your parents? As you were trying to understand what he meant, he started walking towards the balcony, walking past the window and standing there in the cold night, where all the neighbors could see you. “Now.”

“J-jisung, what are you doing?” you slapped his chest weakly until he put you down. You were glad his hoodie covered you past your thighs and he was fully dressed- except for his cock on full display- and tried to hurry him back inside before someone saw you both, but Jisung quickly grabbed your hips and turned you around against the balcony railing, pressing his body against you. “Jisung, n-not here!”

“I want the world to see,” he murmured like he was in a trance. “I want them to hear how good you are for alpha,” he purred, lifting the back of your hoodie just enough for his cock to rub against your ass. 

 He was crazy. There was no way you were going to do that. Or so you thought, but the moment he slid himself back into you with a shameless moan, all caution was forgotten, and you could only think about how good he was stretching you and how sweet he sounded moaning against your ear. 

“Noona,” he moaned into your neck, his hips speeding up to a constant rhythm. “Say it again,” he pleaded, his hands feeling you up like a madman, wanting to memorize every curve. “Say you’re mine.”

“I’m y-yours,” you whimpered, your fist tightening around the railing and enjoying the way his cock twitched inside of you at the words. “I’m yours, Jisung, p-please I’m- oh! Oh god, Ji I’m yours, I’m yours I-” you moaned when he cursed and his hips stuttered. 

“I love you, n-noona,” he sobbed, digging his fingers into your hips to keep you in place to take his unruly thrusts. “I love you, I love y-you so much so, so much ah! Ah, fuck, ah!” he panted heavily as the base of his cock started inflating into what soon would be a huge knot. “D-don’t try to run away from me a-again, noona,” he pleaded? Warned? “I won’t let you. You’re n-not going anywhere-fuck! This pretty pussy’s all mine,” definitely a warning. “I’ll fuck you so good, noona, hhm? Breed you every day, keep you so f-full you w-won’t have any more stupid ideas in that pretty head of yours, y-yeah?”

 You moaned so loud you knew someone out there had surely heard. But you couldn’t care anymore; the only thing in your mind were Jisung’s filthy promises and the stretch of the knot he insistently tried to push into you were making you delirious. “Y…yeah- oh fuh- ugh fuck yes, a-alpha!” your slurred words were barely understandable, too cock drunk to express yourself properly. “Fuck me s-soh aaah! so g-good- wanna… want you inside of me all d-day.”

That’s what did it for Jisung. He rammed into you harshly, his knot finally inside of you as his cock jerked, continuous gushing of cum making you feel full enough for a small bump to form in your belly. 

“You’re squeezing me s-so good, noona.” Jisung panted deliriously while licking your neck. “Taking all my cum, yeah? Milk me up some more, hmm?” he asked, one of his hands finding your clit and rubbing it quickly as you moaned and squirmed against him. “Yeess, noona, just like t-that, come on, cum for me, cum for alpha-” he demanded, relishing in the way your walls contracted round him.

“A-alpha!” you whimpered when your third orgasm of the night hit you, shaking uncontrollably as Jisung released another spurt of cum inside of you. “love y-you, alpha…” you croaked out weakly. Jisung purred a chant of ‘love you too, love you so much, noona,’ as he gave the mating mark one last kiss and slid out of you when his knot shrunk enough to allow it, cum immediately sliding out and down your thighs as Jisung carried you back inside the apartment. 

 Jisung laid you down on the sofa and disappeared into the bathroom, coming back right after with a wet towel that he used to carefully clean you up, gently apologizing whenever you would flinch in oversensitivity. 

“You came a lot…,” you commented absentmindedly.

“Oh that’s probably because- uh, I haven’t come since the last time I saw you,” he confessed, shrugging. 

“What?” you yelped. “That was like three weeks ago! Why didn’t you uh–... you know,” you ended vaguely by making a crude gesture with your hand that had him laughing out loud.

“I tried,” he explained when his laugh calmed down. “I would start jerking off, but my hand didn’t feel as good as yours, and it wasn’t as soft and warm as…,” he eyed you up hungrily. “...As all of you. So I would get frustrated and give up.”

“That sounds like torture,” you say.

“It was,” he admitted. “But I feel much better now.”

You hummed and then you both fell into a comfortable silence.

“Are we-” Jisung bit his lip nervously, going back to his reserved persona like he hadn’t just fucked you out in the open. “Are we okay now?”

“Yeah,” you replied tiredly. “More than okay.”

“...Will you give us a chance, then?” he asked hopefully. 

"Will I get my shirt back if I do?" you asked cheekily. "The pink one, with a heart on it," you added when Jisung gave you a puzzled look. Then you saw his eyes widen and his face blush a record shade of red.

"Who told you?!"

"Jaehyun."

Jisung groaned dramatically. "Look, noona. I'm not a creep. It just smelled so good-Fuck! That's what a creep would say-" he tried to defend himself desperately.

"Jisung," you called for him, giving him a tender kiss. "What do you need the shirt for if you can have me anytime you want."

His eye color matched the blush on his face at your words as he licked his lip tentatively. "Anytime I want?"

 You nodded and kissed him again, feeling him smile into the kiss. 

Then a thought crossed your mind and you broke to kiss, gasping in realization.

“We’re gonna get a noise complaint. Or a complaint for public indecency. We’ll get banned from using airbnb.”

“Under whose name is the reservation?” Jisung asked

“Jaehyun’s.”

“Can’t you just do that thing you do and make booze appear?” Jaehyun groaned, following you to the living room. You turned towards him and lifted an eyebrow. “Please?” he asked, giving you his best pout which made you laugh out loud.

“Fine,” you sighed, sitting on the floor. “Bring me as many empty bottles as you can find.”

Jaehyun wasted no time and went to do as he had been told the exact same second Jisung made his entrance. He gave you a shy smile and sat down near you.

“Hi, Jisung!” you smiled back brightly. “Ready for a horror movie?”

His smile widened and he opened his mouth to reply, when Jaehyun came back into the room, carrying a bunch of bottles of different sizes and complaining about how a witch of your category should be able to materialize bottles as well.

“Materializing solids is harder than materializing liquids,” you deadpanned what you thought should be obvious. 

“You’re gonna do magic, noona?” Jisung leaned forward and looked at the bottles with curious eyes.

“Why are you here, Jisung?” Jaehyun asked finally acknowledging the younger’s presence. “The movie won’t start yet so you can take a nap or something.”

“I-uh… just wanted to say hi,” Jisung mumbled nervously.

“You always come out of your room as soon as Y/N arrives,” Jaehyun pointed out and chuckled teasingly. “It’s like you can smell her or something.” 

 At this Jisung blushed furiously and his eyes widened as he looked at Jaehyun and then at you, his mouth opening and closing a couple of times but not being able to formulate any words.

“Leave him alone,” you gave Jaehyun a stern look and grabbed Jisung’s hand, ignoring the surprised gasp that left his mouth and pulling him to sit closer to you. “He knows I get in a good mood when I see him, right?”

 Jisung didn’t reply, too stunned looking at the way your small hand barely managed to circle his.

 Jaehyun snorted.

“Sure, he’ll keep you company while I go take a shower then,” he yawned and his figure disappeared into the corridor. 

“Okay, wanna see some magic, Ji-” you turned to look at him and found him placing your palm against his, marveled at the visible size difference. You had never paid proper attention to his hands before; his fingers were long and beautiful and they were lacing with yours now as he let out a soft whisper that sounded like 'so small…'

“Jisung…” you called after you remembered how to breathe. “I need both hands to do magic.” 

“Oh-” He seemed to finally escape whatever trance he was trapped in and let go of your hand hesitantly. “Sorry.”

You smiled at him and gathered the bottles in front of you.

“I would ask you what alcohol you want me to materialize, but you’re too young to drink-” you tried to lighten the mood.

“Just beer is fine,” he said.

“What?” you were sure you had misheard him. There was no way he knew anything about alcohol.

“I mostly drink soju and tequila shots,” he shrugged and helped you reach the bottles that were too far. “But some of the others can’t handle that much, so beer would be better.”

“Uh… sure, then let’s go with beer tonight,” you said and got to work.

 It took you about 20 minutes to fill the bottles with alcoholic liquid. You could have finished sooner, but Jisung was staring intently at your hands made it really hard to concentrate.

 The movie was not as scary as you expected and no one could take it seriously. Some of the guys would randomly scream just to scare the others and they ended up getting drunk and throwing chips at each other.  You on the other hand, had had a long week and your body was starting to give up on you, your eyes closing slowly.

“Noona,” you heard a deep but soft voice on your left, “are you tired?”

You smiled tiredly at Jisung. “Yeah… I should probably go home soon.”

“It’s kind of late, though,” Jaehyun said from your right side. “Wanna spend the night here? We can share my bed.”

“But you won’t let me sleep,” you groaned.

“Oh? Is that an invitation to go back to our old arrangement?” he teased and just then everyone went silent, looking at you both.

“What arrangement?” Yuta asked curiously, breaking the silence.

“It’s nothing,” you said before Jaehyun could answer. “Jaehyun, no,” you hissed only for him to hear.

“Your lose,” he simply said and winked at you.

“Nah, I really wanna know now,” Johnny stopped the movie and turned so he could face his object of interest.

You looked around and saw each of the guys’ faces staring back at you intently. Jisung looked like he was holding his breath.

You then looked at Jaehyun who at least had the decency to look guilty  about letting it slip. You sighed and decided to come clean.

“We used to fuck,” you finally said. 

The collective gasp would have been comical if you hadn’t been the one who caused it. Questions about details were fast to arise.

“How was it?” was the last question heard by everyone and followed mostly by cheering and a couple of reprimands. 

Jaehyun bit his lip, suppressing a smirk before whispering a short “sorry” your way and replying to the question. “Fucking amazing.”

 Louder cheers and some dramatical screams exploded around. 

“If it was so good then why did it stop?” interrupted Ten.

“It was not my decision for sure,” said Jaehyun.

“We just weren’t compatible,” you shrugged.

“He’s all talk, isn’t he?” Jungwoo asked you. “He didn’t make you cum.” he wasn’t asking, but stating a fact.

Everyone waited in silence for your answer, and you looked at Jaehyun apologetically. He lifted his eyebrows in disbelief.

“No way…” he waited for you to laugh and tell him that it was all a joke, that he was the best fuck you’ve ever had and that you would love to do it again. “You did cum, I’m sure.”

“I did. I made myself cum,” you murmured. “You just happened to be there.”

 Some of the members of the pack snorted but tried not to be too loud and hurt Jaehyun’s ego even more. Jisung, who had been silent the entire time next to you, scoffed.

“Anyways,” you continued trying to end the conversation as soon as possible. “What I meant earlier is that I can’t sleep with you in the same bed because you snore, so I would rather go home.” 

 Mark and Haechan in a corner laughed harder at you mentioning Jaehyun’s snoring. 

“It’s late, Y/N,” Taeyong reminded you. “Are you sure? One of us can sleep on the couch and you can take the bed.”

“I’ll take the couch,” Jisung suddenly said. Everyone seemed to be surprised to finally hear his voice. “You can sleep in my bed, noona.”

“No, no.” You quickly said. “I can sleep on the couch-”

“No,” he insisted. “I’m not sleepy yet so I’ll watch some TV instead. I’d rather sleep here.”

“Oh… Thank you, Jisung,” you gave in and everyone went back to their own conversations, standing up to go to bed too.

“Well,” Jaehyun tried to lighten the mood, placing his hand on your thigh. “If you change your mind, I’ll leave my door unlocked-”

A deep growl pierced through the choir of voices and caused a heavy silence to reign in the living room. Everyone stood in shock, looking at the source of the threatening sound: Jisung, with his fists clenched and a slight glimpse of red visible in his eyes, set on where Jaehyun’s hand made contact with your body. 

 Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. He seemed to understand what was happening immediately. He wasn’t oblivious to Jisung’s crush on you, but he never thought much of it. It was just a crush, after all. Or was it? He had to make sure…

 Without breaking eye contact with Jisung, Jaehyun slid his hand towards your inner thigh and gave it a soft squeeze. Something that you would have taken as a friendly touch, not uncommon for you two. But it seemed to set Jisung off, his growl becoming louder and more feral, bearing his teeth as if he was about to bite Jaehyun’s hand off.

“Jisung!” Taeyong’s voice rumbled against the walls and it seemed to get to the youngest member of the pack. Jisung shook his head and looked at his leader, and then at your stunned expression. 

He cleared his throat and coughed a couple of times.

“S-sorry, I think I’m about to catch a cold or… something.”

 When no one said anything, he spoke again. 

“I’ll wash up first.” he mumbled awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck. “My room is all yours to use, noona,” and just like that he scurried away, followed quickly by Chenle.

“You just want your bed to smell like her!” Chenle accused a bit too loud, causing Jisung to shush him and drag him away before he could say something else. Jeno and Jaemin failed to contain their giggles as they left the living room too, and soon other members followed. The last ones to leave were Taeyong and Doyoung, exchanging worried looks and whispers and leaving you and Jaehyun alone. 

 Jaehyun sighed.

 “Our Jisung is a man now, huh?” he said

“What the hell was that? Did he growl at you?!” you still couldn’t believe sweet, shy Jisung had such a side.

“Sure did…”

“Why?!”

Jaehyun didn’t say anything for an entire minute.

“It’s too soon to say,” he finally turned to smile at you and ruffled your hair. “Don’t worry about it yet.”

“Yet?” you repeated as you watched him stand up and make his way out of the living room. “And later?”

“Well…Just don’t play with the poor boy, okay?”

“...what do you mean?” you whispered.

Jaehyun smiled, but he seemed too worried for the smile to reach his eyes.

“Nothing, Y/N… Forget about it. Goodnight…” 

You tossed and turned in Jisung’s bed, failing to fall asleep.You just couldn’t stop worrying about Jisung’s behavior earlier. Was he mad at Jaehyun? Was he mad at you? What if he was actually getting sick and sleeping on the couch made it worse? The pang of guilt you felt was enough to get you out of bed and quietly go to the living room to check on him.

His long body certainly didn’t fit in the couch so his feet were hanging off but  he seemed to be fine overall, sleeping soundly on his back, with hands over his head. You gently placed your hand on his forehead to check on his temperature; he was warm but not enough to alarm you. Letting out a relieved sigh, you stepped away from him, but you hadn’t walked two steps when you heard him call you.

“Noona..” he whimpered softly. 

 You turned to look at him, worried that you had woken him up or that he needed something, but you were met with his sleeping form, eyes closed, breath evened and a content smile like he was having the best of dreams.

“Noona,” he repeated, arching his back slightly and sighing. “You smell so good…” 

 You felt your face heaten up. Was he dreaming of you?

 You waited, but nothing else came out of his parted plump lips. He just laid there pacifically like he hadn’t just made you short circuit. 

 You forced your legs to take you to the kitchen, thinking a cold glass of water would calm you down. Your hands searched for the right cabinet blindly, and then remembered that they had moved the glasses to the top shelf about two weeks ago. You stood on your toes and mentally cursed your height. So you could make alcohol appear but couldn’t reach the top shelf? You weren’t particularly good at levitating objects either so there was no way for you to get a glass. Just when you were about to give up, you felt a warm body behind you and saw a long arm grab a glass over you easily, placing it on the counter in front of you.

 “You wanted this, right?” you heard Jisung’s sleepy voice near your ear as he continued hovering over you.

“Y-yes, thank you,” you stuttered, not daring to move. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s fine,” he mumbled. “The real thing is much better.”

You gulped. He was probably still half asleep and wasn’t making any sense, you thought as you watched him close the cabinet over your head. 

“I never noticed how t-tall you are.” you laughed nervously.

“I’m not particularly tall,” he hummed and you could swear you felt him inhale against your hair, before he let out a soft groan. “You’re just so small.”

 “A-am I?” you asked just for the sake of saying something. All intelligent thoughts had left your brain when he placed his large hands on top of yours on the counter.

“Uh-huh,” he squeezed your hands and pressed his body closer to you from behind, making it impossible not to notice a prominent bulge against your lower back. He hid his face on your neck before he whispered: “I could split you in half.” 

 You moaned out loud before you could think about how wrong this was. This was little Jisung! He hadn’t even presented yet and he had you feeling more hot and bothered than any man before, while whispering such crude things with the softest tone and barely humping your ass. You were losing it for him doing the bare minimum, when you didn’t even know you were attracted to him.

“You sound even better than in my dreams,” he groaned, thrusting against you a bit harder, his hands leaving yours to travel up your arms and finally circle your waist, holding you firmly in place for him to pursue his pleasure. 

 You don’t even know what took over you when you leaned forward into the counter and arched your back with a shaky breath, pressing your behind harder against him and eliciting the most delicious moan out of him.

 “Can’t believe he didn’t make you cum,” he suddenly spit, sliding a hand under your shirt and massaging your breast. “I wouldn’t stop until you’ve soaked the bed,” he groaned, his other hand traveling down the hem of your shorts. “My bed…”

“J-Jisung!” you finally came to your senses and grabbed his hand right as it started sliding into your shorts. “Wait, w-we can’t!”

 He stopped all movement and stilled behind you, slowly raising his head.

“Huh?” was all that came from him as if he was waking up from a trance. And then, he practically jumped away from you like you had burned him. “Noona?!”

 Hesitantly, you finally turned around and looked at him. He looked from his hands to you, eyes flashing red and golden intermittently. Whether he was still panting due to his previous activities or because he was panicking, you didn’t know. 

 “I-,sorry I… I don’t k-know why I… shit, noona I’m so sorry,” he stuttered and stumbled over his own feet as he fled to the bathroom and locked himself in there.

 You stood in the darkness in silence, the glass long forgotten on the counter and your upper thighs uncomfortably sticky due to the wetness you couldn’t stop. Your heart was pounding against your chest like you were a teenager facing her first crush, and all because of Jisung. 

 But his reaction confirmed your theory that he wasn’t really awake and it made you feel incredibly guilty. Had you scared him? What if he felt like you had taken advantage of him and hated you know? 

 You heard the faint singing of birds coming from outside and noticed the room wasn’t as dark anymore and took it as your queue to go home, getting dressed and grabbing your stuff silently, not wanting to face anyone right now.

 Once you got home you took a quick shower and hid under the blankets, falling asleep immediately as if all energy had been suddenly stolen from you. 

You woke up to your phone ringing insistently on your nightstand.

“What?” you sleepy mumbled placing the phone on your ear.

“When did you leave?” Jaehyun’s voice asked.

“Uh I don’t know…early, I guess.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up? I would have walked you home.”

“It’s fine, I got home safe and sound.”

 He hummed and yawned. “Next time wake me up, okay?”

“Okay…” you mumbled and bit your lip, suddenly remembering what had happened last night. “Hey, Jae…does Jisung normally…sleepwalk?”

“Sleepwalk?” he sounded confused. “Uh no, not that I know- why?...did something happen last night?”

“Uh…”

“Hold on, Y/N.”

 You heard faint murmurs being exchanged on the other side of the line and then you heard Taeyong’s voice asking for the phone.

“Y/N, did Jisung go to the room where you were sleeping last night?” Taeyong asked straight to the point.

“NO!” you basically yelled. “No, of course not.”

“Did he do or say something weird then?” he insisted

It took you a bit too long to answer. How could you possibly tell them?!

“Y/N, I need you to tell me or we can’t help him.”

“He…uh, I-” you inhaled deeply before thinking of a way to tell them without giving away many details. “I went to the kitchen last night and I think maybe I woke him up, or…I don’t know but he was there and talked and…acted in a way that wasn’t like…like him, you know? And his eyes were changing colors…”

You heard even more voices discussing on the other side of the line before Taeyong spoke again.

“What did he say exactly?”

 You froze. Jisung’s whisper of 'I would split you in half' echoed in your head.

“I- I don’t remember… I was half asleep,” you lied.

Taeyong’s silence made it clear he didn’t believe you, but he didn’t insist. 

“Is Jisung okay?” You finally asked.

“He’s fine,” Taeyong assured you. “He is a bit moody today, hasn’t left his room, but he isn’t sick or anything… We think he’s about to present.”

“Oh,” you said dumbly. That made sense; the weird change of eye color, a more aggresive attitude and sudden hornyness. You felt relieved, but also a bit disappointed. It was just his animal side and he would have reacted like that with any other woman; he wasn’t attracted to you. And after he presented, it would only be a matter of time before he met his destined mate. Great. It’s not like you liked him either, right?

Right?

When the call finished, you were in a terrible mood. And you were still in a bad mood for the next few days, a week even. And when it was time for another movie night at Jaehyun’s, you declined, saying you were tired. Instead, you grabbed a blanket and a cup of hot chocolate and watched a movie on your own, while the heavy rain tapped against the window.

  As you approached the end of the movie, you heard a soft knock on your door. You stopped the movie and looked at the door, just in time for a harder knock to be heard.  Puzzled, you stood up and walked softly towards the door, the knocking becoming louder and more insistent. 

“W-who is it?” you asked nervously once you reached the door.

“Noona,” called the deep voice from the other side. “It’s me…”

“Jisung?!” you shrieked and quickly opened the door, facing the boy whose clothes and hair were soaking wet. “Jisung what are you doing here?! Look at you, why didn’t you bring an umbrella with you?! You’ll get sick-”

“Are you mad at me?” he asked immediately, staring into your eyes.

“W-what?”

“Are you mad because of what I did that night? Is that why you don’t want to go to our house anymore?”

“No, Jisung.” you sighed. “I’m not mad at you, I promise. I just wasn’t feeling it today.”

 His shoulders relaxed and he nodded. “Oh, okay…I’ll see you around then…”

“Jisung,” you called him before he could leave. “Come in and take a hot shower okay? Let’s get you some dry clothes to change into.”

 He looked at himself, like he had just noticed his state and murmured a soft “okay” before entering your place timidly. You showed him the way to the bathroom and left a clean towel for him to use, letting him know there would be dry clothes waiting for him in your room.

 Meanwhile you went to the kitchen to prepare a cup of hot chocolate for him right when your phone started vibrating in your pocket. It was Jaehyun calling.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Y/n, is Jisung with you?” he asked urgently.

 You almost choked on your saliva. How did he know?!

“Uh…yes, he just showed up.”

“Oh thank god,” he sighed, and then his voice sounded distant as he seemed to be speaking to somebody else, telling them 'he’s with her!'

“Is everything okay?” you asked nervously

“He suddenly left in a hurry and didn’t tell anyone anything. He left his phone here, and Chenle tried calling some of his friends but no one had seen him.”

“He’s fine, just got wet because of the rain so he’s taking a shower now. He can stay here until the rain stops,” you offered.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun said and paused for a minute before adding: “Don’t tell him I called you.”

“Why not?”

“He’s a bit…sensitive these days,” he murmured. “And he isn’t very happy with how close I am with you so…”

“...That makes no sense,” you replied and lowered your voice as you heard Jisung exiting the bathroom and entering your room to get changed. “We’ve been friends for years and he’s never seemed to have a problem with that.”

“Yes, but now he’s presenting Y/N.”

“So?”

“Look…,” you heard some movement and then a door closing, indicating that he had probably gone to his room to talk without anyone hearing. “Taeyong doesn’t want me to tell you this, something about not wanting to pressure you into anything but…uh…”

“Just spit it out,” you were starting to get impatient

“We think Jisung imprinted…on you,” the last part was barely audible. 

 There was an awkward silence that none of you knew how to break until you cleared your throat.

“That’s impossible,” you said. “He hasn’t even presented yet.”

“It’s not impossible. It’s more common for wolves to find their mate after presenting, but it’s not necessarily the rule. I think… We think he imprinted on you a long time ago.”

 When you didn’t say anything he continued.

“You know he’s had the biggest crush on you for a while, Y/N. What if it wasn’t a simple crush? You saw how he reacted when I touched you that night… No wolf would be that agitated unless it’s their mate that’s being touched. All the signs have always been there, we just dismissed them.”

“I- I don’t know what to do with that information, Jae…” you said, biting your lip nervously.

“I thought you liked him too…” he accused. 

“Me?!”

“Yes, you. You have a soft spot for him, you always ask for him when we hang out, you bring him snacks and presents for no reason, you smile like an idiot when he talks and you are incredibly touchy with him.”

“That’s just…”

“Don’t bullshit me, Y/N. We all knew you had a thing for him. If you like him, go for it. But if you don’t like him like that, send him home now and don’t toy with his feelings,” he warned you before sighing and softening his voice. “You’re my friend, Y/N, and he’s my pack brother. I want the best for both of you, okay? I gotta go, call me if anything happens.” 

 When he hung up you placed your phone on the kitchen counter and went to your room to check on Jisung. There would be time to ask him about his feelings and talk things out properly after he drank something hot and was more comfortable, you thought as you knocked on your bedroom door a few times.

“Jisung, are you ready? Do you want hot chocolate? or something to eat?” you asked, trying your best to hide how affected you were after that phone call. But the only reply you heard was something that sounded like a muffled cry. “Jisung?” you insisted only to get a louder cry in response. Worried, you opened the door and stood there speechless.

 The clothes you had prepared for him were scattered on the floor  along with the towel you had given him earlier. Jisung was completely bare on your bed, mounting your pillow and rutting against it desperately, while water drops traveled from his hair to your bedsheets, where his face was buried, muffling his incessant moans. 

“J-jisung…” his name was the only thing you would say and he finally turned his body to the side slightly to look at you, allowing you to catch a glimpse of the precum leaking from his reddened cock, staining your pillowcase. 

“N-noona,” his voice was an octave deeper than usual. “Noona, everything smells l-like you…” he whimpered, fucking the pillow harder and faster without breaking eye contact with you. “I-I’m so close-” was the last thing he managed to say before a deep moan echoed through the room and his hips stilled, his buttcheeks contracting a couple of times, pressing his member harder against the soft fabric.

 He laid limp on the bed, hooded eyes still looking at you, the strange dance of eye colors happening again told you that he was being consumed by his wolf again.

“Sorry,” he finally panted. “I made a mess...”

“I-it’s okay!” your voice cracked because you were actually not okay, but you knew he had no control over his body right now and the last thing you wanted was to make him feel guilty about it. “There’s some tissues on my nightstand, so- uh how about you c-clean yourself up and g-get dressed?” you nervously walked closer to him, picked up the clothes from the floor and offered them to him.

 He slowly sat up, as if his body was too heavy to move. He didn’t even bother covering himself like the shy Jisung normally would. He was far too gone for that. But when he saw the clothes you were trying to give him, he had enough energy to snatch them from you and throw them further away, with an annoyed huff.

“Wha- Jisung!” you reprimanded him. “You have to get dressed!”

“I’m not wearing his clothes,” he hissed. “And neither are you. Those are Jaehyun hyung’s, aren't they?”

 Right. The only clothes you had that could fit him were shirts and boxers that Jaehyun would leave behind whenever he crashed at your place. You had prepared those clothes for Jisung before Jaehyun called you to warn you about Jisung’s feelings.

“...Fine,” you sighed in defeat, not wanting to irritate him more. “I’ll go get you something else, but don’t complain if it’s too small for you.”

Before you could walk away, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer to him, making you stand in between his legs, pressing his head against your lower belly.

“Don’t go,” he pouted, planting a soft kiss on your stomach over the thin fabric of your shirt that made you blush even more. “It hurts less when you’re here.”

“Are y-you in pain?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he inhaled deeply and groaned as he caught the smell or your arousal. “But maybe you can help me?” he asked using one of his hands to lift your shirt slightly, kissing your skin directly now and making you gasp. “Can you make it better, noona?” he looked up at you innocently while sticking out his tongue and licking at your hip bone.

“Fuck!” you tilted your head back unconsciously pushing your hips closer to him, which he took as a sign for him to start pulling your sweatpants lower, his mouth kissing and licking every bit of skin he found on his way. “J-jisung, hold on!”

 You placed your hands on his shoulders and pushed him away slightly, he whined.

 “Why?” he asked, his hands still pulling at the hem of your pants.

“Jisung, I think y-you’re… presenting,” you told him.

He furrowed his brows and looked at you confused, but then his mouth parted slightly as the cogs started turning in his head.

“Oh,” he finally said, dropping his arms to his sides and letting go of you. “Does that make you uncomfortable? Am I scaring you?”

“No!” you softly took his face in your hands and made him look up at you. “That’s not it, Jisung. I just want you to be sure-”

“I’m sure,” he said quickly.

“-And I don’t want you to regret it-”

“I won’t,” he assured you, grabbing one of your hands and bringing it to his mouth so he could give it little kisses. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this for, noona.”

“Jisung… are you- uh… am I your m-mate?” you finally gathered the courage to ask.

“Yes,” he hummed contently, kissing your fingertips. “Mine. Not Jaehyun hyung’s.”

“How can you be s-sure?” you barely managed to ask while looking at his lips wrap around your thumb and suck gently.

“Always knew. Since the first time I saw you,” he said simply, letting go of your fingers with one last kiss. “But you always treated me like a kid, so I waited… hoping you would see me differently once I presented.”

Suddenly, his hands were back on your pants and without a warning he pulled them down, making you lose your balance, which he took as an opportunity to grab your arms and pull you on his lap, one of his hands behind you taking the sweatpants off your legs, leaving you on your shirt and underwear only

“And judging by how wet you are for me, it was worth the wait,” he smirked, caressing your arms and guiding them to his shoulders.

 You were incredibly embarrassed but didn’t bother to lie. You knew he could smell your arousal and it was stupid to lie to him. “Sorry, I couldn't help it.”

“Don’t be,” he said, kissing your cheek softly. “It smells really fucking good, but it’s making me really hard…”

 You looked down and gasped when you saw that he was indeed incredibly hard for someone who had literally just ejaculated on your pillow.

“Please help me, noona,” he begged, grabbing one of your hands and placing it over his hardness. “It hurts so bad.”

 You couldn’t stop yourself from tracing his cock delicately with your fingertips, feeling his body tense up under you. 

“I’ll help,” you finally said, wrapping your hand around him, making him moan and release a mantra of ‘thank yous’. “But… you can’t mark me.”

He looked up at you like you were crazy. Marking you was what he wanted the most. You were denying him the ultimate pleasure of owning you for the rest of your lives. Frustrated he shook his head and opened his mouth to complain, but then you let go of his member completely, earning a pained gasp from him.

“Jisung, you can’t mark me during your first rut,” you tried to reason with him as he whined incoherently and tried to put your hand back on him. “It 's too soon. If you still want me in the future, then we can think about it, okay?”

 He looked up at you with such sad eyes that you almost gave in, but you knew it was better to take things slow. Finally he dropped his head and mumbled a defeated 'okay.'

 “Good boy,” you whispered sweetly, making him shudder at the pet name. This time you grabbed him firmly and started pumping him rhythmically without hesitation. He let out the loudest gasp yet and arched his back, hips thrusting against your hand like crazy.

“N-noona!” he dug his fingers into your waist in a desperate attempt to ground himself. “yes, please, yes-yes!”

 You were so focused on his fucked out expression that you failed to notice one of his hands making its way into your panties. He quickly found your clit and massaged it, groaning at how wet you were.

“J-jisung!” you panted, trying to wiggle away. “T- this is supposed to be to help you!” you argued but the rest of your complaints were forgotten when one of his long fingers entered you slowly. “Ah!”

“You are helping m-me, noona,” he gasped against your lips, thrusting his finger in and out of you slowly while his thumb circled your clit. “You’re doing s-so …so good f-for me.” 

 He took you by surprise when he finally connected your lips, swallowing your moans and sliding his tongue into your mouth messily. He made use of this distraction to insert a second finger inside of you and make you sob into the kiss. Your thumb reached the tip of his cock and circled it, imitating the way he was massaging your clit, and successfully making him break the kiss to gasp.

“That’s it, noona,” he gave your lips a couple of messy licks before pressing his forehead against you. “J-just like that-don’t stop…don’t stop, please, don’t stop, don’t fucking stop-” 

 He moaned and tilted his head back, his fingers mercilessly abusing you while spurts of his cum covered your hand, making you reach your climax while he rode out his. You dropped your head on his shoulder, body limp, trying to catch up your breath but he wouldn’t stop his assault on your clit.

“Ji-,” you squirmed, but he held you in place. “Jisung, I’m s-sensitive.”

“But it hurts,” he pleaded, still breathing heavily. You lifted your head to look at him. His dick was still as hard and red as when you first entered the room.

“Fuck…” you mumbled. “How…?”

“More?” he asked you as innocently as he could, considering his fingers were still inside of you. 

“Uh okay, I-... can you lay down?” you asked him, and he nodded eagerly, letting you stand up so he could lay down on the cum stained bed.

 “W-what are you gonna-Fuck! Oh fuck, noona-” he moaned as soon as he felt your warm lips on his aching cock. “P-please noona, I- oh… you’re crazy if you t-think I won’t m-mark you after thi-ah!”

 You let go of his member with a soft pop and licked the tip softly. “We said no marking, Ji,” you teased him between licks.

“I-I know but-...But noona,oooohh!” he arched his back and grabbed the bedsheets in a pathetic attempt to control himself, tears staining his pretty face. “more, m-more-!”

 You gave him more, wrapping your lips around him and sucking, making loud slurping sounds and had him tossing and turning under you, calling your name and sobbing.

“Keep g-going, noona c’mon k-keep-,” his thighs started shaking and his abdomen contracted as a clear sign that he was very close. “Keep sucking, y/n, k-keep sucking my cock, just l-like that noon-ah! keep g-going, keep fucking g-going-,” his desperate mantra between gasps got interrupted by you finally deepthroating him. “Fuuuuckk!”

 You hummed around his cock and started lifting your head when you felt both his hands on the back of your head, pushing you down and forcing his dick into your throat. You choked and grabbed his hands, trying to push him away, but he had no intention of letting go, keeping your nose pressed against his navel and your throat contracting against his member in an attempt to breathe. 

 “Stay,” he growled, using a voice that was unknown to you, deeper and huskier than you’d ever heard him. “Take my cock, just like you’re meant to,” he then gave your head short fast pushes, still pressed against his hips, that made you choke harder and sob, the vibrations making him feel in heaven.

 With a final guttural growl, he came in your throat, forcing you to swallow his load before he finally let go of your head, cooing at your coughs.

 Once you managed to stop coughing, you looked at him in shock, expecting an apology for losing control like that, but when your eyes met his, you saw no guilt or regret. His eyes full of lust were shining a bright red and a cocky smirk had replaced his shy typical expression.

 His wolf had taken over.

“You look so good like this, Y/N,” he said casually, leaving all formalities behind and calling you by your name. 

“J-jisung? How d-do you feel?” you asked a bit afraid. You had never seen him like this before.

“Fucking fantastic,” he purred. “Will feel even better after I knot you.”

“K-knot?!”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Oh? So Jaehyun can breed you full of cum but your real mate can’t?” he hissed through gritted teeth.

“No I-...I’ve never t-taken a knot before,” you admitted, suddenly feeling shy, looking down. “I n-never let him…”

“He didn’t knot you?” he repeated.

You shook your head no and he immediately took your face in his hands and pulled you closer to him, kissing you passionately. 

“Good girl, y/n. You did well,” he praised you, helping you take your shirt off, and kissing your breasts affectionately. Your back arched into his touch and let him make you feel good. You suddenly felt so small and vulnerable, like you were meant to submit to him.

“Your tiny cunt will only take my knot from now on,” he mumbled against your left breast, circling your nipple with his tongue. “Take my cock only for the rest of your life.”

 You moaned and pulled at his hair, your hips rubbing against his softly.

“I’ll mark you so good everyone will know who you belong to…”

That knocked some sense into you.

“J-jisung! We s-said not yet-”

“Sit on my face,” he commanded. 

“Huh?!”

“It seems I haven’t made you feel good enough if you still have half a brain to talk back to your alpha,” he grunted, easily manhandling you so your legs were on each side of his head, your pussy hovering dangerously over his face.

“A-alpha?” the term sounded so foreign to you. It was only used among wolves, so you never thought you would have to address anyone like that. 

“That’s right,” he purred, kissing your inner thighs. “Alpha will fuck you dumb, okay?” was the last thing he said before pulling your panties to the side and diving in. 

 You let out a silent scream and grabbed onto the bed headboard for support. His tongue felt hotter than what should be normal and the way he moaned and groaned against you like he was tasting the most delicious of meals sent constant waves of pleasure through your body. You felt yourself cumming faster than ever in your life so you tried to put some distance between yourselves, to avoid coming that fast and embarrassing yourself, but he wouldn’t have any of that. His arms circled your thighs and pulled you down, all your weight on his face making you tremble with pleasure. He chuckled and sucked your sensitive clit into his mouth, using his tongue to toy with it roughly. 

“Oh,” you sobbed, panting heavily, “I’m g-gonna cum, Ji- ah! gonna c-cum, Jisung-!” 

Your body shook against his hold as he hummed with your clit still inside his mouth, making you cum while screaming so hard, you knew you wouldn’t be able to speak properly for a couple of days.

“Are you okay?” panted Jisung against your core.

“I-I’m…okay,” you replied with difficulty.

 Jisung tsked like he was annoyed at the fact that you could still form coherent sentences. “One more then.”

 His tongue lolled out of his mouth and his strong hands grabbed your hips, pulling you against him again and moving you back and forth against his soft hot tongue.

“J-jisung w-wait,” you barely gasped. “I can’t c-cum again…”

 He raised his brows defiantly and moved you faster against your will, ready to prove you how wrong you were.

“Jisung please-!” you pleaded, but you were starting to feel another build up. How could everything feel so good with him?

Soon you felt your hips move on its own, which gave Jisung the opportunity to touch your body, from your thighs, to your ass and finally massaging your breasts as you rode his tongue thoughtlessly. 

“Oh, oh! s-so good, Jisungie-,” you spoke shakily. “Your tongue f-feels so good, a-alpha…”

Jisung moaned and you could see the corners of his lips lift in what would have been a satisfied smirk if it wasn’t because he had you riding his tongue. He knew he had you where he wanted, and he guided your hands to his head, encouraging you to pull his hair as you used him. 

“Y-yes,” you moaned, eyes rolling back and your hips bouncing empty-headed against his face. “Yes,yes-yeesss fuck alpha!”

 You came so hard you heard a ring in your ears, your body losing all strength and falling back. Jisung caught you right in time and laid you on the bed carefully.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked, voice raspy and face glistening with your juices.

 You barely acknowledged that he was talking to you, your eyes unfocused, and body shaking like a leaf with only one thought in your head:

“Ji…alpha,” you let out almost inaudibly. 

“Perfect,” Jisung groaned, taking off your ruined panties and positioning himself between your legs, entering you in one go.

You cried out loud and arched your back, tossing your arms around, looking for something to hold onto. Jisung wasn’t doing so well himself, his eyes were wide in shock at how good he felt, and they were switching into golden color again.

“F-fuck, noona,” he sobbed, kissing you pasionately, and giving an experimental thrust that made both of you moan. “Noona, my beautiful noona- h-how can you be so tight and w-warm?” 

 You weakly lifted your head and saw Jisung looking back at you.  Eyes full of adoration gleaming a golden color instead of the dark red you had seen before. Soft and lovely Jisung was back, but for how long?

“S-sorry, noona,” he said as he started fucking you with intent. “Don’t ask me to stop- I c-can’t stop.”

 He buried his face into your neck and whispered the sweetest praises, only interrupted by moans that were becoming louder. 

“If I don’t m-mark you I’ll d-die, noona ah!,p-please-,” he begged, sucking your neck like you had the mental capacity to deny him anything in this state. 

You then heard a chuckle. The wolf was back.

“And you’ll let me, right?” said that dark and velvety voice. “You’ll let alpha mark y-you and fuck you full of cum,yeah?” he sat up and his red eyes devoured you as he grabbed your hips and fucked into you roughly. 

 You were too fucked up to even moan out loud, your mouth hung open and your eyes rolled back as no sound came out of your spent troath. 

“Such a perfect little doll,” he hissed as his hips snapped against you, the bed headboard slamming against the wall loudly. “Won’t ever let you go, Y/N.”

 The base of his cock finally started growing in size making him moan shakily and fucking you faster.

“Yes! yes,yes, finally- finally Y/N!”

He laid on top of you and hugged your waist, holding your body against his as his hips pistoned into you, letting out a delirious string of curses, praises and sobs.

“S-sorry, noona,” there was human Jisung again, his forehead against yours as he panted, a couple of his tears landing on your face. “You h-have to take my knot, p-please, you have to- I c-can’t-!” 

 You couldn’t register his words, as a new and more powerful orgasm took over your body and made you convulse against his strong hold. If you hadn’t been so fucked out you would have seen his mouth wide open as he went cross-eyed and gave a final thrust that settled his knot inside of you, his cock twitching and releasing endless spurts of thick cum.

“O-oh, oh noona…” he sobbed against your neck, finally giving into his instinct and biting you hard.

 “Jisung!” you grabbed the back of his head and pulled him closer, moaning as he sucked on the fresh mark. You thought it would hurt more, but it gave you a very pleasant tingly sensation. “Alpha…”

Jisung panted heavily as he lifted his upper body. His eyes were golden again and he was anxiously waiting for your reaction after what had happened.

“I- I couldn’t stop myself, noona,” he bit his lip and flinched when your eyes met his. “I don’t know why I…it just hurt and- then everything became too much-”

You groaned and threw your arms over your face. “That’s why I told you not to mark me,” you whined. “I knew you would regret it!”

“No,” he said firmly. “I don’t regret it.”

When you didn’t reply to him, he grabbed your arms and held them against the mattress on each side of your head.

“Noona, look at me,” he pleaded. “I don’t regret it. It was better than I could ever imagine. I’m just apologizing because you didn’t want it.”

“I did want it,” you whispered. “But I wanted you to be sure first.”

“I’ve been sure for so long, noona,” he kissed your lips softly. “I’ve always wanted you. Please don’t push me away.”

 You kissed him back and he sighed against your mouth, deepening the kiss. 

And then he thrusted harshly inside of you again, making you almost choke in surprise.

“J-jisung?!”

He opened his eyes slowly and you saw the flickering battle of red and golden happen again, telling you his animal side wanted to come out again.

"Sorry, noona..." he apologized in advance for what was about to happen.

a typical afternoon in your literature class, which happened to be one of your favorite classes, your professor stood at the front going about his lecture of romantic poetry. the sounds of pens and pencils scribbling as your class took notes.

a shadow falls over your desk, and the faint smell of fresh mint filling your nostrils. you look up from your paper and see jeno. he was this classes' TA. he also happened to be part of the reason you definitely didn't mind this class. he was always so patient and kind when explaining things, and had such a comforting presence about him- something you admired.

"hey," his soft husky voice warming your heart. lifting your head to glance up at him, your gaze fell down to the papers in his hands, taking note of the tight grip he had on them. something was a little...off about his usual calm demeanor.

"here's the handout," he said tearing his eyes off you and placing the paper out in front of you on your desk. instead of instantly moving to the next person, he lingers.

you wait a couple more seconds before speaking yourself. "thanks," you mutter quietly.

"oh! uh- yeah you're welcome," he stammers and moves past you to the next desk.

you have trouble holding back a small smile as you watch him, seeing the slight redness of his ears.

─

that was one of the first times you started to notice his slightly different behavior towards you. you started to notice jeno stealing small glances at you during classes, and every time, he would immediately advert his eyes.

sometimes when you would have group assignments, you found him enthusiastically responding to your comments and points. something the other students seem to catch on to.

it even got to the point where you found out he was noticing little things about you.

you came into class one day with a different notebook than usual, your other notebook having been full, you went out and bought a new one. the design was similar, the same colors that matched all your other stationary.

jeno was walking past your desk, trying to keep his eyes away from you, just as you pulled out your notebook. class hadn't started yet, so he figured it would be okay to talk to you.

"i like your new notebook," he offers with a small smile and a motion to your notebook.

"hm? oh! thank you.." you glance from your notebook to him.

"of course," he says and tries to walk away as normal as possible.

you sit there thinking about the interaction. how had he noticed before any of your friends? or even at all?

─

all of these interactions have been the reason that for the past couple of weeks, you couldn't get jeno out of your mind. his professionalism seeming to waver when he was near you. the way he acted slightly more tentative to you- all of which the class seemed to notice too.

today was no different, except for that it was valentine's day. you tried to ignore all the pink and red decorations around campus. while it wasn't your least favorite holdiay, you could've gone without seeing all of the couples kissing and smiling and holding hands as they do normally. for some reason it was just different on valentine's day. not that you were bitter about it, you just wished that one day you could experience the love that other people did on valentine's day.

breaking you from your thoughts, your professor started the lecture. today he had a simple assignment, which you were thankful for. you couldn't focus much anyway. not with the lingering eyes you felt from across the room. the subtle glances throughout classes, not so subtle anymore. you felt a slight tint in your cheeks and shook your head trying to get to work. you'd be lying if you said jeno wasn't an attractive man, anyone could see that.

eventually, class came to an end, and everyone starting to pack up. you moved slowly, not in a hurry as your classmates seemed to file out pretty quickly. leaving you and a few other people scattered in the room.

"hey.."

you turn and look up seeing jeno nearing your desk. his less formal attire today- a white button down with some black slacks, adorned with a pink tie. and of course, his usual silver-rimmed glasses.

"hi jeno," you offer a small smile as you stand from your seat. hsi expression was slightly nervous unlike during class, which was a face you started becoming accustomed to when he talked to you.

"i, uh.." he trails scratching the back of his neck and glancing at the door for a second. he contemplated just running out and hoping you would forget he even came up to you.

"i was wondering if, um i could talk to you for a minute? outside of class?"

your eyebrows raise slightly in surprise and you comply as you grab your bag. "sure,"

you two step into a quieter part of the hallway. you look over his form as he fidgets with the small stack of papers in his hands- most likely ones that needed grading.

"i hope this isn't weird to you or anything, but i've been meaning to ask you-tell you something," he begins with a soft but uncertain voice.

you wait curiously.

your gaze making him more nervous. he clears his throat and starts again.

"i've really enjoyed getting to know you, through- in class," his words coming out a little rushed. "you're always so engaged and i..i really admire the way you think. i-" he pauses to take a deep breath.

"i like you," he blurts out keeping his eyes on yours. he felt his cheeks starting to burn, matching the pink of his ears. "i have for a while now...but i wasn't sure it was even appropriate. you're a student and i'm your..well, the TA, so i didn't want to make things difficult or uncomfortable,"

your heart seems to skip multiple beats as jeno confesses to you. your own cheeks feeling a slight blush to creep up. he looked so vulnerable, with his nervous gaze and pink ears and shaky grip on the papers.

"i don't think it's inappropriate, not at all," you smile at him. "and i think it's really sweet that you're telling me," you add.

unfortunately he takes your words as an upcoming rejection and his face falters a little. nonetheless, he keeps a hopeful tone.

"really?" you nod still equipped with the smile on your face that he adored so much.

"so...does that mean that you'd maybe, um, like to go out with me sometime? or whenever you're free?" his eyes flickering with a hopeful gaze.

laughing softly at his adorable reaction, you nod again. "yeah, jeno, i'd like that a lot."

you can see the pure relief that washes over his face. a shy smile forms on his face. "okay, great, i could text? if that's okay?"

"perfect," you reply, a shy smile of your own mirroring his, as you exchange numbers.

you walk away, glancing back you catch jeno still standing there, grinning to himself.

and just like that, valentine's day became more bearable.

─

the early evening sun rays painted the campus walls with warm hues as you waited near the library. your heart fluttered thinking about what was to come as you waited for jeno, wanting to be early. you looked down at your phone for the time, as you heard footsteps approaching. looking up, you smiled softly seeing jeno walking towards you with an equally nervous expression, yet his face was adorned with a charming smile.

"hi," he greeted you with that smooth, soft voice you were used to.

"hi," you replied putting your phone away. "so, what's the plan?"

letting out a breathy laugh, jeno scratched the back of his note. "well, it's nothing fancy or anything, but there's this little quiet little diner off-campus that i like. i thought it'd be pretty nice?" his eyes flickering to yours for approval.

you beamed up at him. "that sounds perfect," his shoulders relaxed a litte.

the walk to the diner was light-hearted, filled with easy conversation, though you couldn’t help but notice the way jeno’s fingers twitched at his side a little. almost like he wanted to reach out for your hand but wasn’t sure if he should just yet. the thought made you smile to yourself, and when you ‘accidentally’ bumped his hand with yours, you saw the way his ears turned red.

the diner itself was cozy and warm, with checkered floors and booths tucked into corners. they also had a few valentines themed decorations adorning the walls and booths. jeno led you to a table near the window, where the golden glow of the sunset made everything feel warm and intimate. he handed you a menu, his fingers brushing yours briefly before he quickly pulled away, his blush deepening.

“i actually come here a lot after late classes,” he admitted, fiddling with the menu in his hands. “the food’s nothing fancy, but it’s really good.”

you smiled. “i’ll be the judge of that.”

he chuckled and looked back to his menu.

as you both ordered and the date went on, jeno seemed to relax more. he opened up about little things—his favorite books, his funniest moments as a TA, even how he always tried to act calm in class but was secretly terrified of saying something dumb in front of you.

“you? terrified? you’re, like- one of the most calm and collected people i’ve ever met,” you teased, but with truth behind it.

jeno laughed softly, shaking his head. “not when it comes to you. i… i overthink everything when I’m around you.”

your cheeks heat up and a bashful smile creeps on your face.

after being asked why he looks down to the table, trying to figure it out for himself. “i really don’t know why, but my brain just goes blank when i look at you. sometimes i feel like im going crazy,”

the admission made your cheeks heat up, and you looked down at your plate to hide your smile. you knew that deep down you shared the feeling with him, the more you looked at him in class, the less you could focus.

─

at the end of the meal, jeno insisted on paying, claiming that it was how it should be done- especially on valentine’s day.

you walked back to campus under the soft glow of streetlights keeping the both of you calmed. jeno finally mustered up the courage to take your hand in his. his grip was gentle but firm, and when you glanced at him, his face was red, but he was smiling. a content smile that made your heart skip a beat.

“i had a really good time,” you said softly when you reached your dorm.

“me too,” he replied looking down at you fondly.

you squeezed his hand before stepping closer. “thanks for today, jeno. it was perfect.”

before he could say anything else, you leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. and when you pulled back, his wide-eyed, flustered expression made you laugh, but he quickly recovered with a shy grin.

“happy valentine’s day and goodnight,” you said with a cheeky smile, opening your door.

“goodnight,” he echoed with a slight starstruck look. his hand brushing his cheek where you’d kissed him, his smile lingering even as he walked away.

after watching him walk away for a bit through the window, you leaned against your door for a moment. the beautiful night replaying in your mind, your heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time. smiling to yourself, you thought , ‘maybe valentine’s day wasn’t so overrated after all.’

and as you glanced at your phone, a new message popped up:

jeno: i can’t stop smiling. can we do this again soon?

you laughed softly, already typing back your reply.

you: definitely :)

─

taggies (open)↳ @kittydollzz @huffnpufffckk @completelyjae @lovesuhng @nae-vm @ayibdorrt @chocoriki @yowmaman @yukisroom97

“Okay, maybe I did say that before but I’m never lying!” Mingyu argues, plopping down on Cheol’s couch, making himself at home as if his own tent wasn’t just a few feet away. “They are trying to squeeze everyone in but they might have to send some people away and ask them to come tomorrow instead. I’m telling you, the entire town is here.” 

The entire town. It’s far from Cheol’s first performance, heck, he’s been doing this ever since he left college, so why is it that the more Mingyu talks about the amount of people who have come to see him, the more nervous he gets? It’s been years. Years of hard practice, of making sure everything was up to perfection, and years of hearing people’s claps after his performance ends. Yet, every time it feels like the first. 

“There’s no way the two of you are still not ready.” Seungcheol turns around upon hearing the familiar voice, a smile on his face as he raises his hands in defence. “I’ve been telling him to get ready,” Mingyu proclaims as he jumps up from the couch, patting his friend’s back as he walks past him. “Good luck tonight, Joohee.” 

“To you too,” she smiles as she watches him leave the tent, finally focusing all her attention on the man she came to see. “Hi.” — “Hey,” he greets her back, crossing the tent in a few steps and pressing his lips to hers. “I need to go back in a bit, I’m on right after the acrobats,” she whispers but does nothing to pull back. “I need to finish getting ready too,” he nods, taking a step back. 

“I’m kind of nervous,” Joohee admits and Cheol shakes his head. There’s probably a lot he could say to reassure her but it feels so silly having to do that. Joohee has joined the circus only a few months ago but she’s proven herself every performance all over again. Joshua has always been a great magician, fooling whoever he pleases while barely trying, but ever since Joohee joined, their performance has been more than unbelievable. There’s nothing she could be nervous about. She’s an amazing magician. 

“We both know you’ll do amazing,” he finally answers. “Will you reward me if I do?” She bats her lashes at him, already knowing what he’ll say. “If you don’t find another lost soul to use up to your liking.” Joohee rolls her eyes at his comment, but she can’t promise him that she won’t. 

In the eyes of the other performers it might seem like Cheol and Joohee have been serious ever since she joined, but if there is one thing they are serious about, it’s relieving their needs. They might be spending a lot of nights in each other’s arms but that doesn’t change the fact they’d never choose each other if they haven’t met the way they did. 

Her smile softens a bit as she presses his palm to his chest. “Break a leg. I’ll see you later.” He nods, looking down at where her palm rests. A part of him wants to pull her closer, whisper sweet nothings to her and act like they don’t have any responsibilities, but the rational part in him tells him to push her away and lock her out before it’s too late. Because while both of them know there’s never going to be anything between them, it’s been harder for Cheol to find a girl he’d want to spend the night with after meeting her and it’s scaring him. “I’ll see you later.” 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

This really is their biggest crowd yet. Cheol’s eyes widen as he takes in the sight of all the people watching, all the people who are going to watch him in just a few minutes. Everyone has their expectations when they come watch a show and more people means more expectations he should meet. He swallows a lump in his throat, quickly turning around and trying to find a bottle of water for himself. His throat is dry, his nerves building up with each second that passes. 

He’s done this a thousand times before and he’s never messed up, so why should he now? There’s no logical explanation to it but it feels like, for some reason, tonight’s the night. The night he finally slips up and proves to everyone he isn’t as good as they think he is. Just one wrong move and he’ll disappoint everyone. The audience, his boss, his colleagues. 

He can’t let that happen. 

“They say those who fly too close to the stars never return the same. Watch now, as our next performer steals your hearts along with your breath—Scoups!”  The ringmaster’s voice is loud but the crowd even louder. The sound rings in Cheol’s ears as he comes forward, feeling all the eyes on him in an instant. He presses his palm to his heart and bows, a grin on his face despite his heart racing faster than it has ever before. 

He turns his back to the crowd, meeting eyes with Joohee on the sidelines as she winks at him. He gives her a brief nod before walking toward the cannonball. Silence erupts the tent as he gets into his position, left with nothing but his own thoughts again. “Three!” He closes his eyes, imagining a perfect land and the crowd’s cheers. “Two!” A familiar drum roll starts from the side and he is ready. He’s got this. He just needs to land on his feet, it doesn’t matter how perfect his landing pose is. “One!”

It’s always faster than he can comprehend. But this time, for a single second, he registers being in the air. He’s higher than he’s used to. He doesn’t have time to think too much about it, though, pushing his hand forward to add to the flying effect. 

But the illusion comes crashing down again when he lands. Right behind the safety net. 

Fuck. 

“Someone call for help!” “What the fuck happened?” “Get Jihoon here, we need help carrying him out!” The voices blend together as a loud noise beeps in his ears, making him unable to focus on anything. He wants to scream, yell from the pain he feels in his entire body but he can’t. Nothing comes out. 

“Shit, let’s get him up. Someone do something about the crowd! Hurry!” 

When his vision finally comes into focus, Mingyu and Jihoon are on his side, helping him out. “What the fuck happened there?” Mingyu asks, glancing at his close friend, his eyes full of worries. “I’d love to know as well,” Jihoon mumbles back, unsure what to do as he carries the man out. 

“The– The show—” Cheol’s voice breaks, a loud groan leaving his lips as he tries to step on his foot. Agony spreads through his entire body, feeling like someone crushed his leg, played volleyball with it for fun, and then connected it back to his hips. “The show is over. We need to get you to the hospital.” No. The show can’t be over. His jump– His head spins again, barely holding up despite having the help of two men. 

This can’t be how it ends. Their biggest show. God, what the fuck? He did everything as he should, there were five people checking the cannon before the show started, so how is it possible everything went down in the blink of an eye? 

“Joshua!” Mingyu yells when he sees him rushing to them. “Find Joohee. She should go with him. Is the ambulance here yet?” 

“No,” Cheol chokes out immediately, making all three glance at him. “No Joohee. There’s no need.” Mingyu frowns. “You can’t be pushing her away now, who knows what you broke there. She’ll help.” He shakes his head, too worn out to argue now but still standing by his decision. There’s no need to have her there. All she’d do is flirt with his doctors and he certainly doesn’t need to have that on his plate on top of everything else. 

“I don’t know where she disappeared to, anyway,” Joshua shakes his head, getting Mingyu’s attention again. “The ambulance should be on its way but in the meantime, there was a nurse in the crowd that saw everything. They led her to Scoups’ tent, so meet her there. Hopefully she’ll help.” 

“This really couldn’t get any worse,” Jihoon mumbles as he scans the panicked crowd outside. A few of their people are there, trying to calm them down, but it’s not doing much. “Hey,” Mingyu hisses. “It’ll be fine. Don’t do that.” 

“Do what?” 

“The thing you do—” 

“Shut up,” Cheol groans. It’s all too loud. He can’t wait to get out. Anywhere, really. As long as he is far away from his boss and the consequences he’ll have to deal with. “Sorry,” Mingyu mumbles, shutting his mouth again and not saying anything until they reach the tent. 

“I’m not sure if I can be any helpful,” the female voice greets them as soon as they step inside, their eyes landing on one of the acrobats towering over a young girl as he tries to convince her to stay. “Please,” Mingyu interrupts them. “Whatever you can do.” 

“Oh god,” you breathe out when you notice the three men. It looks worse up close than you could even imagine. “Lay him down. Quickly,” your voice is panicked as you watch them do as you say, the thousands of medical pages you’ve read spinning in your head. “I don’t– he needs to see a doctor. This is—” You eye his dirty suit, your eyes widening when you see blood covering his knee. “What do we do?” The tallest of the three presses and you feel less and less confident you can do anything to help. 

“The–The blood. We need to… cut the fabric off and see how bad it is. Then– fuck– strangle the leg and stop the bleeding. And keep him awake. He could have seriously hurt himself, skull fracture or– he can go unconscious any minute so…so try talking to him.” 

Cheol bites his bottom lip, trying to keep the sounds in and not show just how painful it is when Jihoon grabs his leg and tears the fabric apart. He closes his eyes, unable to look down and see what state he’s in. “Shit,” you curse again when you see just how bruised up his leg is. You can only imagine how the rest of his body looks like. “Hey,” you snap your fingers in front of his face, getting him to look at you. “How many fingers am I holding up?” He blinks confusedly at first before your hand comes into focus, rasping out the number three. 

“What’s your name?” You question, ignoring the way your voice trembles as you try to stay strong. You’re not ready yet. You’re not even out of school yet and you can confidently say they never taught you what to do when a man shoots himself out of a cannonball and lands on the ground, possibly breaking half of the bones in his body. 

“Seungcheol,” he answers after a second. You nod, telling him your name back. “I barely have any idea what I’m doing so be patient with me,” you give him a soft smile before glancing at his leg again, watching the guys try to stop his bleeding. “Do you remember what happened out there? Or what day it is?” 

“It’s uhm…” he tilts his head slightly, his eyebrows furrowing in pain. “Tuesday. The twenty eighth.” 

“Great,” you nod, hoping your smile is reassuring enough. “I’ve heard it’s normal for men to only answer the last question they’re asked so it looks like you didn’t hit your head. Not hard enough anyway.” His lips curve into a smile, his chuckle turning into a cough. “Oh, oh, careful,” a wave of worry rushes across your face as you look at him, your eyes widening. “Just hold on a little longer, we’ll get you to a real doctor soon.” 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

“You’re a lucky man, Mr. Choi.” 

Seungcheol blinks at the screen as he stares at the damage caused. Broken ribs and leg and his entire body covered in bruises. He knows it could have ended a lot worse but if he’s honest, that doesn’t make him feel any better. He won’t be able to move properly for who knows how long, meaning working is off the table. He’s screwed. 

If he doesn’t think about the fact he’s not sure how he’ll get money after his savings run out, on top of that he has to deal with what his boss will say about the fuck-up. Technically, it wasn’t even his fault. All he has to worry about is being shot into the air. Other than that, he doesn’t do anything. Operating the cannonball is not his work. 

But that doesn’t change the fact that the thoughts of what his Boss will say haunt him when he closes his eyes. Back when he started, replacing his own mentor after he died in a failed performance, rumors started that it wasn’t an accident at all. What if this was also planned? What if he was meant to fall behind the safety net and hurt himself? Even worse, what if they are now pissed it didn’t go the way they wanted? 

“I wouldn’t say that,” Cheol mumbles, looking down into his lap. “You survived. And if you ask me, that is very lucky after a fall like that,” the doctor smiles at him one last time before walking out of the hospital room, leaving him alone with his thoughts again. 

He closes his eyes, trying to think about the good things. But the more he tries, the more he realizes there really isn’t anything. How is he supposed to think happy when his life just fell apart in one night? One single night, one wrong move, and all of a sudden he is bound to a hospital bed, with no idea when, and if, he’ll be able to perform again. 

The memory of the night comes flashing back, his vision blurry as he gets into the cannonball, signalling that he is ready before the air hits his face and he feels like flying. He remembers Joohee on the sides, cheering him on. And he also remembers their earlier conversation in his tent, her wishing him to break a leg. Fuck. Would it be so crazy to think the circus’ magician cursed him right before his performance? 

It probably is crazy. He is going insane in this hospital and it’s barely been a day. God, he doesn’t want to see the state he’ll be in in a week or so if he is already thinking about stuff like this. 

“Shit, is he asleep?” Cheol opens his eyes upon hearing the familiar voice, meeting eyes with Chan standing in the front. “And now you woke him up,” Mingyu shakes his head, stepping forward to greet his friend. Cheol smiles, saying his greetings and looking at his two friends. But there is something else that catches his eyes. The legs of a pretty woman. His eyes trail up your body, a soft grin spreading on his lips when he meets your eyes. “The nurse from last night.” 

“I’m not a nurse,” you shake your head, stepping forward. “I’ve been telling everyone in the circus on repeat, when will you guys understand?” 

“She came by to ask how you were doing and if her trying to help didn’t make your condition worse so we said we’ll bring her with us so she can see on her own,” Mingyu explains, taking a seat on a chair right beside Cheol’s bed. He nods, barely looking at his friend as he takes the sight of you in. Now that he actually perceives his surroundings and sees properly, you are quite beautiful. 

“I’m alive so you probably didn’t mess up too bad,” he teases, creating a smile on your face as you roll your eyes. “Maybe my professors will let me off if I tell them I saved your life and am ready to work,” you joke, feeling like the biggest winner when he actually chuckles. You watch Mingyu and Chan exchange a glance, your mood shifting when you think about them perceiving you. “Anyway, I just wanted to check and see if I’m not a killer, not bother you and your friends so I’m going to go,” you say, your cheeks flush as your eyes flicker between the three men in the room. 

“It’s fine,” Cheol shakes his head. “It’s not a bother. I’ve been going crazy with only my thoughts in this white room,” he laughs quietly even though it’s far from a joke. “You can stay if you want.” 

“I need to study,” you shake your head, giving him an apologetic smile. You’re not sure why, it’s not like you own him anything, any of your time. But a part of you feels like you are supposed to stay, talk with him, and enjoy his presence. “Maybe I’ll stop by another day. To see if you’re still breathing.” 

“Feel free to,” he nods, his eyes never leaving you as you walk out of the room. It’s when you shut the door behind you that you hear Mingyu’s voice again, leaving the hospital with the fact that they tried to bring someone named Joohee with as well but she thought it’d be weird. 

Maybe if you were thinking straight you’d take it as a sign to take a step back and not show up again, but for some reason, looking at Scoups makes you lose all your self control because no matter what you just heard, you want to come by even more, just to see his pretty eyes again. 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

There’s something that draws you to The Midnight Menagerie. It might be the mysteries behind it, the rumors that follow wherever it goes, or maybe it’s the handsome man you met a year ago when they were in a different town. 

Back then, it was your friend, an aspiring journalist that made you come along with her. She was writing a story about the circus, hoping to figure out the secrets behind it, but you honestly couldn’t care less about that. You were failing two classes at that time and a night out was just a way to escape the reality of it all. 

But then you saw him, his broad shoulders, messy hair, and eyes you could easily get lost in. You watched his performance, a loud gasp leaving your lips when you saw him flying in the air after being shot from a cannonball. When he landed and sent a kiss to the crowd you were already long lost, your eyes searching for him the rest of the night. 

The circus disappeared the next day, as if it never existed, and you began to wonder if you hadn’t just dreamt of all that. It would make sense, in what world would you recklessly fall for a man you’ve only seen for a few minutes while he was working in a circus? It was all too far from what you’ve always imagined for yourself. 

You convinced yourself it never happened, that The Midnight Menagerie never existed and Scoups hasn’t either, doing your best to save your studies and focus on what really is important. And then, when you most needed a night out after a terrible break up with your boyfriend, he showed up again, leaflets announcing the circus coming to town flying into your face wherever you went. 

It was impossible to turn a blind eye on it, ignore the obvious pull you felt when you read the information. You rushed your latest lab report so you could free up your night, brushing off your roommates when they kept asking if you don’t want to watch your comfort movies with them. You knew they were looking out for you, wanting to make sure you were okay after everything that happened, but you were doing the same for yourself. Getting to the circus is exactly what you needed. 

You’d like to believe it was a sign from the universe, that it sent the circus your way on purpose. And even though you certainly never hoped to see any of the performers get hurt, meeting Scoups must have had its own meaning as well. No matter how crazy you might sound, you’ll hold onto that thought unless you’re proven otherwise. 

The Midnight Menagerie showing up both times you were struggling couldn’t be coincidence. 

“And so you what, came to rescue?” Your best friend, Yujin, asks, sipping on her iced americano. You shake your head in disagreement, looking up from your phone. “No, I was just trying to leave and they asked me for help.” Yujin raises her eyebrows, knowing there’s definitely something you’re forgetting. “Okay, maybe I was snooping around to see if he was okay and one of the bodyguards saw me and tried to escort me so I said I could help him.” 

She scoffs, shaking her head at you. “Of course you did,” she sighs, not a single sign of surprise in her voice. “What were you going to do if he got worse? I know you’ve been doing those hours at the hospital but you yourself admitted to forgetting everything you’ve learned in the past years of your studies under panic.” 

“That’s why I’ve been telling them I didn’t actually know what I was doing the whole time I was there.” You know you should have left it up to the doctors, wait for them to get there and save him on their own but deep down you also know he might have gotten worse if you hadn’t done anything. And you’re not sure what you would have done if you found out he bled out or got a concussion just because you were too scared to do anything. 

Yujin watches you for a second before picking up her drink again. “It all ended well, that’s what’s important.” You nod, chasing the image of Scoups bleeding out in that tent out of your mind. That’s certainly something you don’t want to think about over a dessert with your best friend. 

“Do you want to come by my apartment later? I feel like we haven’t properly talked about…what happened yet,” Yujin asks, walking out of the café. You think about it for a second. Spending time with your best friend never sounds bad, but the talk that’s supposed to come with it isn’t something you’d be looking forward to. You’ve been convincing your friends you are okay, that they don’t need to worry about you, but it’s impossible to lie to her. She always sees right through you and if you’re honest, that scares you. 

Because how exactly are you supposed to tell one of the most important people in your life that what happened has left you feeling broken for weeks? How do you explain to her that just hearing your ex boyfriend’s name makes you feel like throwing up? Or that you sleep on the couch in your room instead of the bed because no matter how many times you’ve changed your sheets, you can still smell a different woman there? 

“I have plans, actually,” you answer, “sorry.” 

“No, it’s fine,” she assures you, shaking her head. “What are you going to do? Maybe I could come by after?” You hesitate, just for a moment. There’s not much you could do, honestly. If you tell her you need to study she’ll just go to your place with you and convince you to talk instead of getting anything done. “I’m going to the hospital, I’ll be there all night.” 

“Why don’t we hang out before you leave, then? If you have a night shift then there’s still plenty of time for us,” she suggests. “I’m, well– I want to visit the guy I told you about earlier before my shift starts,” you admit, making her eyes widen. You regret saying it immediately, worried what she’s going to think. Probably that you’ve gone insane. Visiting a stranger, a man, right after breaking up with your last boyfriend is anything but healthy. She might even try to stop you, talk you out of it and convince you that’s far from what you need at the moment, and you’re not sure how you could argue with her. 

“I see,” she nods, obviously taken aback. “Just…be careful, alright? I’m not…,” she sighs, “If that’s what you think you need right now then I’m not going to stop you.” 

Now it’s you who is caught off guard. “It’s nothing like that,” you blurt out, making her look at you. She raises an eyebrow, questioning if you really mean what you said. “This is not like a…rebound or whatever you have in mind. I just want to see how he is doing,” you say, leaving out the intense pull you feel whenever you think about him. A pull you might be able to understand if you spend some time with him. That’s all. That’s all it is. 

“Sure,” she smiles, not fighting you on it. “I’ll see you another day then. Don’t go mia until then.” You assure her you won’t, pulling her into a hug before the two of you part ways, going to your last lesson of the day. 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

“Is it okay for me to come in?” You ask, hovering at the door as you take in the sight of a nurse helping Scoups get dressed. You catch a glimpse of his naked chest before she fully buttons his shirt, forcing your eyes up to his face. “Hi,” he smiles instead of answering. “I was just going to take Mr. Choi outside but I can come back later,” the nurse glances between you and her patient. “There’s no need,” he shakes his head, placing his hands on the wheels of his wheelchair that she must have helped him to get in, moving forward. “We got it. She can help me out, right?” He smiles at you and you feel your heart skipping a beat. 

“Right, for sure,” you nod, a little taken aback as you look at the nurse. “I’m a student nurse. I’ve taken patients outside for some fresh air before,” you assure her. “She’s my little personal nurse,” Scoups grins, obviously not caring how it sounds. You want to tell her it’s not like that, that he is probably drugged from the medication he has to take and it makes him say weird things but she just smiles at you, taking the empty water glass from the table before making her way out of the room. 

“Your personal nurse?” You question when she closes the door behind her, watching him shrug. “Quite a cute one too,” he proclaims, pushing himself forward as if he never said anything. You blink, your eyes on his back as you stay frozen in place. He just called you cute. You’re not hallucinating this. “Should we go?” He turns his head to face you, his eyes meeting yours. 

You convinced both yourself and Yujin that you were coming here just to see how he was doing, to make sense of why the circus and him have such a strong grip on you, but now that you’re standing here, you can’t confidently say that there’s nothing true about what Yujin said before. Maybe meeting him is not as innocent as you originally thought. 

“Sure,” you nod, following him out of the room. 

You walk by his side, leading him to the elevator. “I hope it’s okay I came to visit,” you break the silence when you reach the elevator. He looks up at you, his eyes soft. “I told you before, haven’t I? I don’t mind seeing the girl that saved me from getting any worse than I already am.” It’s weird looking down at him when you know he’d be towering over you if he wasn’t stuck in a wheelchair. 

“I didn’t do anything really,” you shake your head. “It’s thanks to the doctors that you’re slowly healing right now, not me.” He shrugs, getting into the elevator. “I’m still thankful.” You smile, following him inside. “If it was a different situation I might offer to buy you a drink or dinner but all I can get for a while is hospital food and I wouldn’t want to feed you that.” You chuckle, leaning your back against the elevator as you look at him, unable to hide your smile. 

Maybe you’re delusional, maybe your past experience with men has made you grow crazy, but the universe putting him in your way with a purpose just makes sense. You might not know him yet, but you truly believe you’re meant to. That the fact The Midnight Menagerie showed up again is a sign for you to act on the initial attraction you felt for him when you first saw him a year ago. 

You help him out of the hospital, taking him into the gardens you’ve been in many times before with other patients. You thought it might feel like working when he told his nurse you’ll take care of him instead of her but thankfully, you don’t feel like that at all. It’s nothing like work this time around, it’s more like looking after a friend, someone you care about. 

“Those are my favorites,” you mention stopping near the flowers. “Lillies?” He asks, taking in the sight. You hum, walking around him and picking up one for yourself. “Why?” You shrug, looking at the pink flower in your hands. “I’m not sure, I’ve just always liked them. My mom gave me a bouquet of lilies for my tenth birthday and ever since, I’ve never liked another flower more.” He smiles, watching you while you watch the flowers, both of you looking at something beautiful. 

“Is it wrong of me to ask how long ago that was?” He asks after a moment, eying you up and down. This conversation could go two different ways, either you just look really young for your age and started studying later than is usual, or you’re much younger than him. There’s only one right answer that will help him sleep at night. 

You chuckle, meeting his eyes again. “I don’t mind,” you assure him. “I’m 22.” Cheol tilts his head, a heavy sigh leaving his lips. That’s the answer he wasn’t hoping for. “What about you?” You wonder, picking up on the slight change in his expression. “Let’s say I’m not exactly in your age range.” You scoff at his vague answer. “You make it sound like you’re in your fifties or something.” 

“Thirties,” he corrects you. “I’m thirty.” A soft laugh leaves your lips as you shake your head at him. “And you were making that so dramatic because…” 

“Does that not bother you?” He interrupts you. You tilt your head, observing him for a second. “Does that bother you, Scoups?” You question back. 

He’s silent for a moment, rethinking the entire situation. Does it bother him? A bit, maybe. Isn’t it weird, talking to someone who wasn’t even born when he started school? But he’s seen couples with larger age gaps, so it couldn’t be so bad, right? Sure, the two of you are far from being a couple, but he can still think about it, can’t he? 

“Seungcheol,” he says finally, making you blink in confusion. “Call me Seungcheol. Scoups is just my circus name.” Your smile grows wider as you nod, “Sure, Seungcheol.” 

Looks like maybe it doesn’t bother him so much after all. 

You move again, telling him about your studies and experience while he tells you about the circus and some of the other performers. It’s nice, and you find yourself smiling the entire time. You know you shouldn’t be feeling so grateful for the fact his performance failed when you were around—but that warm, fuzzy feeling sits there anyway. 

“We should get you back to your room,” you whisper as you look at the sky, ignoring the feeling of his eyes on you. He hums back, following your eyes and looking up. “We probably should,” he nods, doing nothing to move from his place. You don’t do anything either, your eyes falling down to him again. With the sun lining his face, he is even more handsome. “Your nurse will be looking for you, wondering what we’re still doing outside.” 

“My nurse is right here,” he meets your eyes, your cheeks growing pink immediately. There’s something about his eyes that just makes your heart skip a beat, his gaze so strong you feel weak in the knees. You avert your eyes, walking behind him to push his wheelchair again. “Your nurse needs to go home and get ready for her night shift so she can be an actual nurse one day,” you tell him, leading him back into the building. 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

There’s not much Cheol can do when he is in the hospital. He has a few books Mingyu dropped off and his phone, but most of the time, he’s just stuck with his own thoughts. Usually, it’s nothing good. Doubts, regret, hesitation. But this time, as he rests in his bed, there’s another thing on his mind. You. The way your lips curve into the softest smile, your beautiful eyes, the way you look at your surroundings with such admiration, and also the way your voice sounds. 

He shouldn’t think about you this much, but he can’t help it. It’s as if there was an invisible string connecting the two of you, making him think about you whenever he has nothing else to do. An invisible pull that pushes the two of you together. 

His phone rings at his bedside table, making him snap out of his thoughts. Cheol reaches for it, blinking a few times to make sure he’s got the caller id right. When it’s still there, he accepts the call, bringing the phone to his ear. “Hello?” 

“Hey,” the familiar voice rings in his ears, all thoughts of you suddenly disappearing when he speaks to Joohee. “I thought you weren’t talking to me now? That it’s too weird,” he quotes what Mingyu and Chan told him when they came to visit him, curious to see what she has to say. Even though they are far from being anything official, he’d definitely come visit her in the hospital if something happened to her. 

“You know it’s not like that,” she argues, sitting down on her bed, the sounds muffled in the call. “But you know how it is, we don’t want others getting the wrong idea.” 

“No, of course not,” he answers through gritted teeth. “And this call of yours? What if someone hears and gets the wrong idea?” She huffs, “come on, don’t be an ass for no reason.” 

He wants to argue, tell her to go to hell, but he can’t. For some reason, he loses himself completely when he’s with her. “I want to know how you’re doing, if you’re healing well.” Cheol fights back a scoff, looking down at himself. Right, he’s doing great. “I’m peachy. These white walls around me are amazing.” 

“I haven’t done anything to you, don’t be mad at me,” she fights back immediately. He sighs, trying to calm himself again. “Sorry. I’m okay. Getting used to not being able to go to the toilet without help.” 

She laughs quietly at the image of it, bringing a hand to her mouth to muffle the sound. “Laugh all you want. I’ll laugh when you mess up your performance as well,” he rolls his eyes. “Couldn’t help it,” she says, still laughing. “Look at it from the bright side, at least you’re still alive.” 

Cheol blinks, trying to figure out the right thing to say to that. There really isn’t one. Yeah, he is alive, unable to do the only thing he knows how to do, thinking about what he did so wrong to end up like this. “Yeah,” he mumbles when the silence gets too loud. “Joohee!” He hears a voice in the background, confused that he doesn’t recognize it. “I have to go,” she blurts out. “Good luck, Seungcheol.” 

Cheol opens his mouth to say something, ask her where she’s going, what she means, how many people are coming to the performances, or if she doesn’t want to visit him despite what she said before, but she hangs up before he can do so, leaving him all alone again. A heavy sigh leaves his lips, his hand with the phone falling down to his lap. He looks ahead at the white wall opposite him, replaying the memory of his last performance over and over again, just as he did many times before in the last few days. 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

The Midnight Menagerie disappeared as fast as it came, vanishing as if it never existed. When the news got to Seungcheol, something in him broke. He tried calling Joohee, only to be met with the information the number he’s dialing doesn’t exist. With every call he tried to make, a call that never made it through, his soul shattered a bit more. 

He’s given his life to the circus, he’s done everything in order to perfect his performance, and this is how it all ends? With everyone cutting him off? 

Thankfully, there’s still one stable thing in his life. One thing that keeps him from going completely insane. 

“Can you stop staring at me? I’m trying to get my notes done,” you mumble, keeping your eyes on the books in front of you. There’s been a quiet bond you and Seungcheol developed in the last few days. You came to see him every day in the past week, keeping him company while doing your own things. You worried you’d bother him at first, but he’s made it pretty clear he appreciates you coming over, especially since the people he thought of as his family left him without a word. 

It’s not like he hasn’t thought about it happening before. It was obvious they weren’t going to sit around waiting for him forever when it’s not even sure he’ll be able to perform again, but it still stings. The Midnight Menagerie stays on the move no matter what, that’s clear now. 

“I’m not staring,” he argues, averting his eyes and pretending like he’s been looking at his phone this entire time. “Why would I?” You glance his way, glaring at him. You’ve felt his eyes on you, he’s not talking himself out of it. “Maybe because you’re–” 

“Mr. Choi, I need you to take your meds,” the nurse coming into the room interrupts you and you watch as a teasing grin spreads on his lips. You hate that look, when he thinks he’s won. “Thank you, Hana,” he smiles at her, reading her name from her name tag. “You can go, I have my own little nurse making sure I heal properly,” he winks at you, making you roll your eyes. 

You stand up from your chair, smiling at the nurse as she leaves the room. “How do you make even the stupidest thing sound sexual?” You question, taking his pills of the day from his bedside table along with a glass of water. “I’m not,” he raises his hands in surrender. “Maybe it’s just you who takes everything I say sexually.” 

“You wish,” you scoff, watching him swallow his meds before sitting back down. At times, you wonder how it’s even possible you became so close quickly, how you’ve managed to skip the awkward part, but you don’t mind. It’s easy with him, and the more you spend time with him, the closer you feel. “And if I do?” Your cheeks flush and every part of you wants to wipe that stupid smirk off his face. 

“Then I’d tell you you’re sick and need to sleep,” you do your best to keep a straight face, hoping he doesn’t notice how red your face gets thanks to him. He laughs, averting his eyes from you. “I can’t be as sick if they’re letting me go in two days.” 

“Wait, for real?” Your eyes widen, excitement taking over. He hums, still not meeting your eyes. “They said I’ve gotten a lot better and can leave if I have someone to help me with movements.” 

“Do you have someone?” 

It’s quiet for a second and you’re immediately glad you asked. “Do you want my help?” You offer and you watch him shift uncomfortably. You tilt your head, not taking your eyes off him as he thinks through what he wants to say. “I don’t really… there’s no need. I’ll manage.” 

“Oh, come on. You’ve turned me into your personal nurse and suddenly you’re too shy to ask for help?” When he still doesn’t answer, you stand up and walk over to him, forcing him to look at you. “What is it? Just give me your address and I can come by between my lessons and shifts just like I do now.” 

He looks embarrassed, his eyes still hesitant as he opens his mouth to speak. Of course he is hesitant, how is a thirty year old man supposed to explain to a college student who has her whole life figured out that his home vanished off the Earth and he has no idea what hotel he’ll stay in now. It is embarrassing. 

“Alright, alright, you can help me,” he blurts out, averting his eyes again. You furrow your brows, trying to figure out what’s going on. What the hell is he not telling you that makes him want to hide like this? “Seungcheol,” your voice is strong, demanding. “Be honest with me, do you have a wife or something? A girlfriend? Is that why you don’t want me to come to your house? Because if so then just say–” 

“No!” He interrupts you, maybe a little too passionately. “I don’t– It’s not that,” he sighs. “I just, kind of, don’t know my address yet,” he admits, making you blink confusedly. What does that even mean? He sees how lost you are, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as he prepares himself for the pure rejectment that will come. “When the circus left, so did the tent I lived in. I need to find a hotel or something.” 

You process his words, your eyes widening. You haven’t even realized that. Fuck. Does that mean the bag with clothes Mingyu brought him when they came to visit him for the first time is all he has now? “Do you need a place to stay?” You blurt out before you can rethink it, catching both of you off guard. 

Cheol shakes his head immediately, but now that you’ve put it out there, you’re not taking it back. “One of my roommates just moved out and we have a spare room. It’s going to be way cheaper than finding a hotel so last minute too.” The two of you just stare at each other for a minute, quietly arguing with your eyes before he finally sighs and you grin. “I don’t want you to think I’m using you just so you’d take care of me.” 

“I won’t,” you assure him. “If anything, I’ll think you’re using me because you fancy me, not because you want me to take care of you,” you laugh, the stress he’s felt until now slowly washing off. “I can live with you knowing that,” he answers, the smile on your face widening. So he does fancy you. 

You quickly spin around just so he wouldn’t see your reaction, smiling like a little kid as you walk to the table and close your books. “I’m going to get us a coffee and call my roommate. I’ll be right back.” 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

“Is that all you have?” Your roommate Minji blinks, staring at the one bag with Cheol’s stuff you’re carrying. “Kind of,” he mumbles, following you to the couch slowly. He’s glad they gave him the crutches, he’s not sure how he’d do anything if he still had to be in that wheelchair, but still, the less he moves, the better. He plops down on the couch, watching you disappear into one of the rooms. When you come back, you don’t have his bag anymore. 

“Alright, since you can’t move well don’t worry about the groceries or anything, just pay rent on time and we’ll be good.” 

“I’ll send you the money for groceries and everything,” he assures her and Minji smiles, glancing between him and you before excusing herself. You watch her leave, standing still for a second before joining Cheol on the couch. “If you need anything, just ask, both me and Minji will be happy to help.” 

Cheol shakes his head, meeting your eyes. “I won’t ask you for any more help.” You want to argue, tell him that the grown up thing would be to just admit he needs help, but you know the conversation won’t lead anywhere, deciding to stay quiet. “I should go but I’ll be home for dinner so think about what you want to have.” 

“Are you going to cook for us?” You nod, “Minji usually eats out with her boyfriend but I try to cook every day.” It’s none of his business, he knows that, but he can’t stop himself from asking. “You don’t have a boyfriend?” 

You chuckle, finding him cute despite knowing you’re talking to a grown ass man. It’s often that you can’t decide if he’s adorable or incredibly sexy. “No,” you smile. “No one in sight. Why?” You know why, but you still want to hear it from him. You want to know that he cares, that he is interested. 

But Seungcheol doesn’t answer your question. Instead, he just watches you, taking in your beauty. “When I can walk better, when every movement doesn’t feel like I’m being crushed alive, let me take you out.” 

Your cheeks flush, whatever you wanted to say getting stuck in the back of your throat. You might have wanted to hear him say he cares, but you haven’t expected him to ask you out. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s older, more experienced than you, but you haven’t expected that. If anything, though, it’s a nice change from the guys you’ve talked to until now. 

“I’d like that,” you nod with a smile. “I’d really like that.” 

“Good,” he chuckles, “that makes two of us.” 

If you’ve ever won in life, it’s now, sitting beside Seungcheol, imagining how great it can be when you’re with him. 

You leave for work shortly after, leaving Cheol alone in the living room. There’s not much he can do but he’s used to it by now. He’s spent the last week in the hospital, bound to a bed, unable to even go to the toilet without help getting into the wheelchair. 

But it’s different now at the same time. He’s in your house, your dorm. Your smell is everywhere and when he closes his eyes, he can almost see you. Your freshly washed hair, your pretty eyes and kissable lips, the way your clothes cling to your body, how your voice sounds in his ears. He’s gone, so freaking gone for you. 

It’s been long since he felt like this, like just looking at you is a pleasure. With Joohee, he can’t say there would be many emotions. She’s someone he found himself constantly chasing, hoping that if he’d try hard enough, if he’d overlook her playing around with other men and just keep his eyes on her, it’d eventually work out. 

But honestly, he’s tired of blindly chasing something that has no future. You might be young, younger than he ever thought he’d go for, but the feeling he gets when he’s around you doesn’t compare to anything before. He wants to take care of you the same way you take care of him, treat you like you deserve, and prove himself to you. 

“Fuck,” he curses when he opens his eyes, the image of you clear in his head. How do you make him feel like a desperate teenager without even trying? 

Cheol settles in his new room, trying to remember how he even got here. Suddenly, his injury doesn’t seem like such a problem anymore. He is still aware of all the pain it caused, the fact he became homeless for a second, but if it leads to a possibility of something greater, then it’s something he can live with. 

The apartment is quiet when you get back, bag full of groceries in your hand. Taking off your shoes, you call out that you’re home, the door of Cheol’s room opening at the same time. “Were you waiting for me at the door?” You chuckle as you watch him slowly walk out. Your eyes widen immediately when you notice the sign of pain in his eyes, rushing to him. “Are you okay? You need to lay down.” 

“I’ve been lying the whole day,” he shakes his head. His eyes meet yours and he sighs, deciding not to argue with his nurse this time. “I’ll sit down, alright. Just let me go to the toilet.” You don’t say anything, fighting the urge to take care of him and never let him out of your sight. When he doesn’t move you quickly snap out of your thoughts, nodding. 

When the bathroom door closes you finally move as well, taking the grocery bag into the kitchen and preparing everything you need. You used to love cooking when you were younger, appreciating the different ways you could season and cook food. But ever since you started university, a stable eating schedule with home cooked meals went off the table. You still try to cook as much as possible, but that sometimes means having dinner at 1 am. Hopefully, with Cheol now, you can try to go back to how things were before. 

Seungcheol sits at the table, quietly admiring you as you move around the kitchen. If he could, he’d help you without a second thought. Just thinking about it makes his head spin—the two of you, dancing around, stealing touches as you make dinner together, his hands squeezing your waist, your back pressed against him as he checks if you’re doing everything right. His thoughts are wandering to a dangerous territory but there’s nothing he can do about it. You make him feel this way, no matter how sane he tries to stay. 

You hum to a song playing in your head as you finish up, smiling every time you catch Cheol’s eyes on you. It’s cute, and definitely something you could get used to. He makes you feel good, your chest warm when you meet his eyes. It’s something you never expected to feel this quickly, but you can’t say you’d mind. For some reason, falling for someone again doesn’t sound so scary if it’s with him. 

You set two plates on the table, sitting beside him. Your knees touch under the table, neither of you moving away as he thanks you for the food. Despite both of you eating, the room doesn’t go quiet even for a second. You complain about your shift while munching on a bite, and blush when he teases you, the back and forth between you making it impossible for you to hide your smile. He tells you a bit about his day, and you learn that he never worked anywhere other than the circus. It makes sense when you think about it, how the circus is the only thing he knows, his life up to this point revolving all around it. 

You could get used to this. Spending your night talking with Cheol, laughing at the stupidest things. 

And you do. The two of you fall into a nice rhythm after a few days. You spend all of your free time with him, looking after him and assisting him when he needs to and in exchange, you get to look at him. He tries his best helping out as well, from paying for all the groceries despite your disagreement, to helping around the house as much as his injury allows. 

“I’m not taking any money,” you refuse, shaking your head as you stare at Cheol’s hand on top of the table. It’s the middle of the night which is nothing unusual for the two of you, just like the situation at hand. It feels like you do this every night for some reason. And every night, you lose the argument. “And I’m not having this conversation all over again,” he answers, taking your hand in his and giving you the money before you can say anything else. “If you don’t want me to pay for groceries just buy yourself something with it. Either way, I’m not taking it back.” You sigh, hiding it in your jeans pocket. Another loss for you. 

“You’re so annoying, how do I deal with you?” You mumble for yourself. He seems to catch you, though, a smile spreading across his lips. “Acting as if your eyes weren’t on me every time you think I’m not looking.” Yeah, there’s nothing you can say in your defence. “You must be looking at me too then to know,” you smile back. The two of you could play this game for a while. It’s so painfully obvious you are attracted to each other, you know about everything the other one does. You don’t try to hide it from each other, but you have still to make the first move. 

“And what if I am?” 

You open your mouth to answer but close it again when no words come out, unsure what it is that you want to say. You could finally cross that line, make the friendship blur as it turns into something more, but there’s something holding you back. You’re not sure what it is, the feeling that lies deep inside you, but it’s loud as you meet Cheol’s eyes. And despite knowing he is a good guy, that he has never made you feel anything but happiness since you met him, a part of you wants to guard yourself from what comes with blurring that line. 

“It’s late, we should go to bed,” you say instead, forcing a smile. He doesn’t question you but you can feel his eyes on you as he tries to read you. He nods after a second, slowly getting up from the chair and getting his crutches so he can get into his room. “Good night, my little nurse.” 

“Good night, Cheol.” 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

You lay in your room, the floor cold under your fingertips. It’s all weird, messed up. You don’t remember getting under the bed, and you certainly don’t remember being this small. Scanning your hands and chest you realize you’re far from being an adult, your head spinning when you try to figure out what’s going on. But you don’t have time to do that, not when the door of your room snaps open and you watch your ex boyfriend walk in, two half-dressed girls around him. No. 

You want to close your eyes, hold your hands over your ears and pretend none of this is happening, but you can’t. It’s as if you were glued in this position, unable to do anything. Unable to stop your boyfriend from fucking the girls you used to call friends on your bed while you study your ass off just to prove yourself to him and everyone around. 

No, no, no. You force your eyes closed, your breathing heaving as moans—moans that are certainly not yours—echo in your head. You want it to stop. 

You wince, opening your eyes again to find yourself on top of your couch, your breathing heavy but everything back to normal again. You hold your face in your hands, the reality of how your ex boyfriend still holds power over you crashing down. You wish you could forget about it, move on and live your life, but every time you try to sleep on your bed it ends up like this. 

But this is the first time you’ve had a dream about him while sleeping on the couch, and definitely the first time you dreamt of your younger self hiding under that bed. 

Raising your head, your eyes meet the clock on your bedside table, three thirty staring right back at you. You don’t even think about going back to sleep for a second, slowly getting up and heading into the kitchen. If you’re going to pull an all-nighter, you’ll need a coffee. In a way, it’s good you can’t sleep. You could get a head start on your studies. 

You flick on the kitchen light, taking a second for your eyes to get used to it before grabbing the kettle and filling it with water. When you settle it back down, waiting for the water to boil, you open the snack drawer you and Minji share, looking for something to bite into. 

You hum to a random song playing in your head as you move around, barely paying any attention to what’s going on around you. There’s no need for you, anyway, both Minji and Seungcheol should be asleep by now. 

But this time, you’re not the only one awake, Cheol’s door cracking open. When he walks out, your back is facing him and he has to narrow his eyes to make sure it’s you he’s seeing. There are two roads he could take at the moment, go to the bathroom like he planned to when he got out of bed, or join you, and see why the hell you’re making coffee past 3 am. 

“Hey,” his voice is quiet, trying his best not to scare you. You glance over your shoulder, your eyes softening when they meet his. “Hey,” you mumble back, pouring yourself a cup of coffee. “Do you want some as well?” You ask without looking at him again. “Uhm…no. No, thanks,” he blinks, walking closer to you. He leans against the kitchen counter, keeping his crutches beside him. “What are you doing up?” 

“Couldn’t sleep,” you mumble. “And my back hurts.” 

He tilts his head, trying to read you. But you don’t make it easy for him, leaving him with nothing. “Maybe you should get a softer mattress then. Back at the circus, I used to have a mattress that always made me feel like I was sleeping on a rock and I kept waking up with my back hurting like hell.” You stay quiet, rethinking your next words before looking at him again. “I don’t sleep on a mattress. I have a couch in my room that I sleep on,” you admit, watching the confusion behind his eyes only grow. 

“Why?” You shrug, your hands wrapped around the coffee mug as you bring it to your lips, finding an excuse to not look at him. Cheol also holds some sort of power over you, one you can’t name. But every time he looks at you like this, like he’d kill to know what’s going on with you, you find yourself wanting to tell him every little thing that has ever happened to you. “The bed stopped being comfortable.” 

Your name leaves his lips, the urgency clear as day. You don’t think he’s ever called you by your name before, your heart immediately skipping a beat. You’ve always been his nurse, his, but now he makes you feel like much more. While your ex boyfriend makes you feel small without even being in your life, everything Cheol does makes you feel big, strong. 

You look at him again, swallowing down all your nerves. For some reason, talking about it doesn’t sound as scary if it’s with him. “Want to sit down?” 

You sit in the corner of the couch, your legs crossed. Cheol sits right beside you, patiently waiting for you. If he has to, he can be here all night. He’ll wait for you for as long as you need. You sip on your coffee as you go over everything in your head, trying to figure out where to start, what’s important to the story and what’s not. 

“My last boyfriend, we were dating for two years before I ended things,” you start, his attention on you right away. He listens, doesn’t push, and doesn’t interrupt you. “Which I did because I found out he was cheating on me,” you pause for a second, the memory of coming home early—after Minji’s panicked call claiming she heard someone come into the apartment but is too scared to walk out and see for herself—and finding your boyfriend in the middle of fucking your old friend still clear. “With girls I knew. In my bed.” 

He opens his mouth but you don’t give him the chance to speak, a small part of you worried he’ll look at you differently now, judge you. “I tried changing the sheets many times, doing all kinds of spiritual rituals, I don’t even know, but nothing works, I just– I can’t sleep in that bed.” 

Cheol reaches for your hand, giving it a tight squeeze, reassuring you he is right here. You meet his eyes again, letting yourself get lost in their comfort. “Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?” He offers, still holding your hand. “I shouldn’t—” 

“You should,” he interrupts you. “You need to sleep. You’ve been working hard and you have an exam in a few days, you need all the sleep you can get.” You hesitate, allowing yourself a moment to think before nodding. His expression softens as soon as you agree, almost as if the weight fell off his shoulders now that he knows he’ll be able to protect you. Which is something he finds himself wanting to do a lot. Any chance he gets, if you allow him to, he’d love to be the one who protects you. 

“Thank you,” you whisper. 

“Anytime.” 

It’s a bit awkward as you lay in Cheol’s bed, admiring his face. He lays right beside you, facing you. It’s far from the most comfortable position he can sleep in right now but he’d do it all night if it makes you happy. Just looking at you is worth the pain. 

“I had a dream about him before,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. “About what happened, and I couldn’t do anything. I don’t know why it still matters so much why– why it hurts.” 

Cheol moves closer to you, brushing a few hair strands off your face so he can see you better. “You didn’t deserve that.” A part of you wants to argue with him, tell him that you did just so you could justify his actions, so that it could somehow all make sense, but you don’t. You can’t argue with him, not when he leans closer and presses his lips to yours. 

You hesitate, just for a beat, before kissing him back, the feeling of his soft lips on yours making your head spin. Because when the line between friendship and something more finally, finally, disappears, all you can think about is how good his lips taste. 

Your eyes are closed, every one of his touches more vivid that way. You feel his fingers on the side of your neck, his thumb stroking your cheek, and your entire body burns. The kiss might be gentle but the way you feel certainly isn’t. You want to be closer, feel his skin on yours and turn your head off. 

He pulls back to look at you, his eyes scanning your face to make sure you’re okay. You smile, a warm, welcoming, motion that’d make anyone fall for you. “You deserve better.” 

“I think I found better,” you say, kissing him again. You close the gap between you fully, your palm resting on his chest as your breaths mingle together, the kiss saying everything the two of you have been feeling for the past weeks. Cheol hisses when you hold onto his waist, your eyes widening immediately. “Are you okay?” You pull back, your hand flying away as you check him out. 

He laughs, shaking his head slightly as he holds your chin between two of his fingers, raising your head so you look him in the eyes again. “I’m fine,” he assures you. “Just come here.” He does his best to ignore the pain as he kisses you again, focusing on the way you taste, toning everything else out. And when his hand wanders under your pajama shirt, his fingers cold against your stomach, you stop thinking about anything else as well. 

“We should take it slow,” he mumbles against your lips, doing his best to keep sane and not make you uncomfortable. He presses his forehead to yours, breathing in your scent as he squeezes the flesh of your waist. “We should,” you nod, your hands doing the exact opposite as you feel his chest, slowly pulling his shirt up. He doesn’t stop you, doesn’t say anything, but you feel his abs tense under your touch and his breath shake. 

“But if you don’t want to,” he adds, looking down at where your hand rests on his abs. “Then?” you look up at him, your hand hovering over his waistband. “Then I don’t mind taking it fast.” — “Well, that makes two of us.” 

That’s all you need to hear, both of you fighting to get the other’s shirt off. Everything in you screams at you to be careful so you wouldn’t hurt him but when his hand moves down from your waist to your ass, you forget all about it, dragging his pants down. It’s messy, and he has to help you but you don’t really care, as long as the clothes get down, you don’t care who or how they’re taken down. 

“Fuck,” Cheol curses as he pulls you flush against him, pressing his lips to yours. “You drive me crazy.” Your mouth falls open when his hand slides between your legs, teasing you through your shorts. “Let me see what makes you feel good, pretty girl, hm?” You moan, his voice ringing in your ear as you nod, using the chance as he gets your shorts off to take in the sight of him. 

You knew he was big, strong, his shirts hugging his muscles perfectly, but it’s a completely different story now that you’re looking at his bare body. Everything about him is beautiful. No matter the bruises on his body or the orthosis on his leg, you could look at him all day and never get enough. 

“I want to make you feel good but I have to be careful, okay, my love?” The nickname makes your head spin. It’s as if he knows exactly what to do and say to get you obsessed. You nod, watching him carefully sit up. Before you can ask where he wants you, he is already picking you up and pulling you onto himself. You gasp, a soft chuckle leaving you when you feel him against you. You wrap your hands behind his neck, smiling as you stare into his eyes. 

His cock pocks your ass but neither of you does anything about it, simply enjoying each other’s presence. It feels as if you’ve been a couple for ages, this something you do every day. 

The gap closes again as you kiss him, unable to hide your smile. His hand gets busy as well, rubbing slow circles on your clit. Your moans get muffled in the kiss, unfortunately for Seungcheol who is dying to hear you, fortunately for Minji sleeping just down the hall. 

You whine, your eyes closed as he pushes two of his digits into you, your walls clenching around him immediately. His thrusts align with his kisses, kissing the corner of your mouth and then slowly moving up. “Cheol,” you beg, rocking your hips forward, searching for more pleasure. “I know,” he whispers, kissing your cheek again before pulling his fingers out and bringing them to his lips. You watch as his lips wrap around them, another moan leaving you. He’s so incredibly hot. 

He groans, the feeling of you on his tongue making his head spin. Now that he’s got a taste, he doesn’t think he’ll ever be satisfied. 

“Is it really okay?” He reassures himself and you nod, needing to feel him already. “Please. I’m on the pill, just do something already.” He chuckles at your impatience, aligning himself and without another warning, thrusting up. You gasp at the stretch, grasping his shoulders tighter. He grips your ass, looking up at you as he slowly helps you move. 

You do your best to stay as quiet as possible but the moment you hear him moaning your name something in you snaps, and you find yourself moaning into his ear louder than before. Your eyes roll back, your head falling to his shoulder as he fills you up, his thrusts speeding up. And the moment his fingers find your clit again, you’re completely done for. 

The orgasm reaches you faster than you can comprehend, his name falling off your lips like a prayer. He doesn’t stop thrusting, chasing his own orgasm. You feel incredible, better than anyone before, and he already knows he doesn’t want to see if there’s anyone better after you. He’d be a fool to not appreciate what’s right in front of him. 

“I’m right behind you, baby.” And he’s right, thrusting into you a few more times before reaching his own orgasm. You bite into his shoulder when he does, trying to steady yourself as your head goes blank, more satisfied than ever. If this is how he moves with one of his legs fucked, you wonder how it’ll be once he is fully healed. 

Cheol hisses at the feeling of your teeth on his skin, unable to question anything when you pull back with the proudest smirk. “Is this what you like? Hickeys? Marks?” He wonders, leaning down and kissing your neck, leaving a similar mark you just did. If you want to brand him yours, he certainly doesn’t mind doing the same back. 

“I like you,” you answer, tilting your head to give him better access. “I like you, Cheol,” you repeat, just because you can. Instead of answering right away, he presses his lips to your once more, claiming you all over again. Seungcheol has always been a man of actions, not words, but if you need to hear him, he’ll gladly say it too. He’d do anything as long as you’re happy. “I like you, my little nurse, and I can’t wait to fall in love with you.” 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

When you come home after a day full of lectures, all you want to do is jump into your—Cheol’s—bed and sleep for the next twenty-four hours. But your plans change as soon as you open the door and your eyes land on the large bouquet of flowers on the table. Seungcheol is sitting right beside them on the couch, your favorite snack in his hands and a big grin on his face. You blink confusedly, taking in the sight before snapping back to reality and taking your shoes off. 

“What’s going on?” you wonder as you walk closer to him, unable to hide your smile. “I want to take you out like I’ve been promising,” he explains, standing up and taking the bouquet into his hands. You take it from him, bringing them to your nose to smell the lilies. This couldn’t have been better. 

Two weeks have passed since you slept with Seungcheol for the first time. And he made a promise to you the very next morning. He swore he’d take you on a proper date as soon as he could stand on both of his feet without having to lean on anything and he’s kept that promise, looking better than ever as he stands in front of you with your favorite flowers and snacks, dressed in a tight, black shirt that hugs his muscles perfectly. He really couldn’t have done it better. 

You hold the bouquet in one hand, wrapping the other behind his neck and pulling him into a hug. Both of his arms wrap around your waist immediately, his lips pressed against your temple. That much is enough for you to know you’ve picked right, that you wouldn’t change this for anything else. 

“Let’s go, hm?” You pull back, looking down at your outfit before shaking your head. “Give me thirty minutes and then I’ll go anywhere with you.” He chuckles, taking the flowers back from you so he can put them into a vase, watching you run off into the bathroom before he can say anything else. 

It takes you forty to get ready but he doesn’t mention it, simply leading you outside to your car. If there’s one thing he regrets, it’s still not taking care of his car. It would have been much better if he didn’t have to worry about having to use your car for transportation. 

“You shouldn’t drive,” you shake your head when he opens the passenger door for you. “Let me drive us, it’s okay.” He refuses, holding your hand in his and leading you inside. “I promise you I’m fine. So turn off that pretty nurse brain of yours for today and let me take care of you.” 

“But–” 

“No buts,” he shakes his head, closing the car door behind you and walking over to the driver’s seat. “You’re still not supposed to put much pressure on the leg,” you try one more time but he simply leans closer to you, giving you one last look telling you he’s got it before he fastens your seatbelt for you. A part of you wants to remind him you’re not a kid and could have done that on your own, but a bigger part can’t help but blush when he does, loving being taken care of like this. 

As you drive through the city, you thank him again for everything he’s prepared and try asking him where you’re going but he always brushes you off, telling you it’s a surprise. You don’t push again after. Whatever it is he’s prepared you know it’ll be great. As long as you’re with him it’ll always be amazing. 

Cheol parks the car at the closest parking lot near the park, getting a picnic basket and a blanket from the truck. You watch him, wondering when he had the time to do all this. You’ve had your car with yourself at Uni so he had to pack everything when you were getting ready. How have you not noticed he left the dorm? 

You offer to carry the blanket, wrapping your hand around his biceps as you walk together into the park. There’s a smile on your face the entire time, excitement taking over you. You didn’t think you could feel like this about someone again for a while but cheol keeps proving you otherwise every day. And every day, you feel like falling for him could be easier. 

You set the blanket down on the grass, finding a place you like. Cheol doesn’t question your judgement even for a second, sitting down right beside you and placing the basket on the side. You watch him for a second, just observing, taking in the sight of him before you peek into the slightly opened basket. “What did you bring?” 

“I cooked for us while you were gone. There are dumplings, bibimbap bowls, some fruits, soda, and even some gummies. I wasn’t sure what you’d be in the mood for so I grabbed a bit of everything.” As soon as he finishes explaining what he packed, you close the gap between you, pulling him into a kiss. His hand finds your waist on instinct, pulling you even closer as he kisses you back. 

“You’re amazing,” you whisper. He smiles, taking everything out and spreading it on the blanket. 

You eat the food Cheol cooked while talking about your day, the conversation flowing. It feels like no matter how much time you spend together, you’ll always have something to talk about. You tell him about your hang out with Yujin last night and how despite having a lot of fun with her, you missed him. You kiss between bites, keeping close as you talk about not only the past but the future as well. He tells you about the jobs he’s been looking at, about a movie he wants to watch with you, and about how things could be. 

You learn how many children he wants, how he wants to play games with them and show them the world. Your smile grows with each passing second, imagining what life could be like in a few years. Kids, a house, a successful career, everything you’ve always dreamed of. With your ex, you were too busy worrying if you were good enough to think about any of this stuff, to let yourself imagine and dream. 

With Cheol, it doesn’t even feel like a dream, a simple wish out for the universe to fulfil. It feels like something that could actually happen, like a future you could share with him. 

Your name slips past his lips, making you look up at him from the piece of strawberry in your hand. “Will you be my girlfriend?” It’s a question you haven’t expected, but it’s not a one you’d have to think too hard about. Of course you will, you’d be a fool not to. “Yes,” you giggle, claiming his lips with yours, just to seal the deal. 

Your date is as amazing as it can be, at least until you’re interrupted. “Scoups?” The male voice has both of you turning around. You hide your mouth with your hand so he can’t watch you chew, your head tilting in confusion as you meet eyes with one of the Midnight Menagerie performers. “Mingyu?” Cheol questions back, his eyebrow raised. “What are you doing here?” 

Mingyu opens his mouth to answer but then closes it again when he takes in the sight in front of him. His friend, eating fruits on a blanket in a park with the same girl that played doctor that night of his accident. Yeah, no matter how he looks at it, this is something he shouldn’t have interrupted. “It’s uhm… we should talk on a different day. You seem busy.” 

“No, wait,” Cheol shakes his head, sitting up in a rush, ready to chase after him if he decides to leave. He needs answers, and he needs them now. “Is the circus back? Is everyone here? The show is it—” 

“I’m here alone,” he interrupts with a heavy sigh. Your eyes flicker between the two guys, trying to read the situation. After giving it a second thought, you sit up straight as well, creating space on the blanket. “Come sit down.” Mingyu hesitates, slowly nodding when he sees the desperation in Cheol’s eyes. He knew this conversation was coming, that’s why he came back after all, he just hadn’t expected for it to happen so soon. 

“I could go, I bet you guys have a lot to talk about,” you offer but before you can stand up, Cheol stops you, placing his hand to your knee. You meet his eyes, offering him a reassuring smile when he does the same. “Stay here, baby.” — “Okay,” you nod, glancing at Mingyu again. He looks kind of awkward, out of space. 

“The Midnight Menagerie is weird,” Mingyu proclaims suddenly, not taking his eyes off his friend. He needs him to listen, to believe him. Otherwise nothing will change. “It’s a circus,” Cheol reminds him. “A place built on tricks, illusion, and scary acts—of course it’s weird.” 

“I know,” Mingyu argues. “It’s always been weird, I’m aware. I grew up in that place, heck, but it’s getting weirder.” Cheol blinks confusedly, tilting his head. “What do you mean?” 

“The boss is everywhere right now, he’s having these weird interviews with everyone involved with the circus and getting more involved.” 

“Is that a bad thing?” You question and Mingyu’s eyes trail to you. “Yes, absolutely.” Cheol sighs, looking over at you as well. “He was never really interested in what was happening. As long as we made money, he didn’t care what we were doing or how we kept the circus alive,” he explains. Mingyu nods, agreeing with everything said. “But now he is in everyone’s business. Him and Joohee are basically glued together and—” 

“Joohee?” Cheol interrupts, something flashing behind his eyes. You’re not sure if it’s regret, pain, or excitement, but it’s there. You remember Joohee, how Chan mentioned her that day in the hospital when they came to visit. You always knew there must have been something between her and him, but you didn’t know it was serious enough for him to react like this. 

“After you left, she started commanding everyone around.” 

“After you left me,” Cheol corrects but Mingyu ignores him, continuing his story. “We thought it was a joke and didn’t really listen at first, but then she started walking around hand in hand with the boss and the mood just…changed. Everyone is slowly disappearing and being replaced with these weird-looking, robot people.” 

“What do you mean?” That seems to catch his attention, wondering how everything could change so fast. It still feels like yesterday that he joined the circus and trailed along his mentor’s side, his eyes sparkling with excitement every time he could watch him fly in the sky, doing everything Cheol always dreamt of. At least until the accident happened, and he had to watch the same guy who’s been like a father to him die during one of his acts. 

His eyes widen at the memory, remembering how the boss showed up at the circus a few days after that as well, trying to get things under his control. Back then, he wasn’t lucky. Everyone was raised free-spirited and it wasn’t so easy to control them. But if people are changing, so might his chances at getting the power he always wanted. “You said people started disappearing,” he blurts out, really hoping he is wrong. “Who disappeared?” 

“I’m not sure what happened, if they left on their own like I did so I could find you or if something happened—” 

“Who disappeared?” Seungcheol repeats his question, much more serious now. Your eyes flicker between the two of them, trying to puzzle the pieces together. But it’s not working, this whole conversation feels like a competition, and they’ve stolen one of your key pieces, making it impossible for you to finish. You can tell there is something the two of them aren’t sharing, you just can’t figure out what. 

But Cheol and Mingyu share a piece of the puzzle together, slowly figuring out what the other one is thinking. It’s easy, because they are both playing the same game, with equal number of hints. There’s only one explanation they can think of, even though neither of them like it. 

“Joshua was first,” Mingyu finally admits. “Then Minghao the next day. Seungkwan, Chan, and Junhui are also gone.” Cheol’s eyes widen. How come there have been so many disappearances and no one bats an eye? It should be all over the media by now. “That’s not all,” he adds, and a part of Seungcheol worries what he’s going to say next. 

“I think you might have figured it out already but,” he pauses for a second, rethinking his next words, “I found out some of the guys in the tech group have been behind the messed up performance Shin was a part of.” 

If there is something Cheol didn’t want to hear, it’s this. Hearing that the people who he thought of as family are responsible for the death of someone he looked up to so much isn’t something he can just ignore and act like it never happened. “Cheol, is everything okay?” You interrupt his thoughts, holding his hand in yours. “I think– I need a second. I’m going to go back to the car, I left some of the fruits there,” he forces a smile. You can see that he is hurting but you don’t want to push him, giving him a reassuring smile and letting him go. 

“Can you run it back for me from the start?” You turn to face Mingyu again when he leaves for the car, trying to understand everything. 

“So you’re telling me, what, that if I wasn’t noisy that day and didn’t try to help someone might have tried to end his life before the ambulance arrived and mask it as an accident? A badly set cannonball?” Panic grows deep in you, the thought of what could have happened scaring you more than you’d like to admit. It could have all gone so wrong. 

“I don’t– I’m not sure what happened then,” Mingyu sighs. “I hope I’m wrong, that it wasn’t on purpose but with everything else happening…” he purposely trails off when he sees Cheol coming back, not wanting to talk about this in front of him. 

“I’m sorry, I just needed to think,” he sits back down, placing a few bananas beside the strawberries on the blanket. You hold his hand as soon as you can, needing the reassurance that he is there possibly more than him. “I might sound insane, I also thought I was insane when it first occurred to me, but when I was at the hospital, I was trying my best to figure out how it happened and for a second–” he tilts his head with a sigh. “What if some of the performances we do aren’t fake? What if someone truly has the power to do the impossible?” 

“Like what?” You question, stealing glances at Mingyu, trying to see what is going on in his head. “Magic,” he mumbles, quickly adding to his thoughts before you can label him as mentally ill. “Right before my performance, I spoke with Joohee and she wished me good luck but unlike any other time, she wished me to break a leg. I know how it sounds, but what if somehow, she casted a curse on me?” 

“I don’t think you sound insane,” Mingyu assures him. “Her performances have been getting…bigger. More magic tricks, ones that don’t just look but make you feel like they’re out of this world. You’d have to see her, but I definitely don’t think you’re insane for suspecting her.” 

He’s not sure if he should feel relieved or scared. Relieved that he isn’t seeing things, that maybe his theory isn’t as crazy as he thought it was, or scared about what’s going to happen next. If it really is true, if Joohee’s magic isn’t just built on illusion and timing, then anything can happen. 

“I couldn’t be there any longer so I disappeared before they could make me disappear,” Mingyu breaks the silence. “I don’t know what to do and for some reason, visiting you was the only thing I could think about. Maybe it’s because it all started with your performance, or maybe I just hoped this place was far away from everyone else.” 

Neither of you answer, thinking about everything that happened until now and what could be done. “Didn’t you say you have a friend who is a journalist?” Cheol turns to you and you nod, a little confused. “Do you think you could reach out to her? See if she isn’t looking for a piece to write?” 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

Surprisingly, the following days have been rather quiet. Since you’ve spoken to Mingyu, both Cheol and you have been on the edge, worried if there isn’t someone waiting for you every time you go out. You know at this point you’re just being paranoid but some worries are understandable. After all, you tried to provoke the same people who have tried to kill your boyfriend before. 

Boyfriend. Even though it’s been days since you’ve become official, it still feels unreal. When you first saw Scoups in the circus—back then only knowing him by his stage name—you knew the attraction was there. Still, you haven’t expected for this to turn out this way. Just a few weeks ago you spent your days studying, burying yourself in books just so you wouldn’t have to think about your ex boyfriend, and now, you get spoiled by the man of your dreams every day. 

If it wasn’t for the Midnight Menagerie, you’d dare to say your life is perfect. 

“Okay, thank you,” you smile, hanging up the phone and looking at Cheol sprawled across the entire bed. “Her boss has been paid to take the article down,” you explain and he raises his head. “The one about the circus?” You nod, a heavy sigh leaving your lips as you sit beside him. He opens his arms, encouraging you to lay down. You do, resting your head on his chest as he wraps his arms around you, keeping you close. “It’s okay. This means something is happening. We just need to figure out what it is.” You hum, allowing yourself to close your eyes and relax for a moment. 

When you wake up again it’s because your boyfriend tries to get up from under you so he could open the door. “Sleep, love. Minji probably just forgot her keys, I’ll get it.” You nod, giving him one of your smiles before making yourself comfortable, hugging his pillow. He chuckles at the sight, fixing his shirt so he doesn’t look like he just rolled out of bed—even though he did—and going to open the front door. 

But when he does, it’s not your roommate he sees. Instead, it’s someone he least expected to knock on his door on a random Wednesday. “Hello.” Cheol blinks, debating slamming that door right in front of her face. But the rational part of him knows that’s not what he should do at the moment, opening the door wider instead, allowing her to come in. “Joohee,” he says instead of a former greeting. She laughs at his reaction, walking past him inside. 

Her eyes scan the living room, nodding slightly. “I didn’t know your nurse girl made enough money for something like this. It’s nice,” she approves, making him take a deep breath before joining her side. “Don’t take her into your mouth.” 

“Why? You used to love my mouth,” she smirks, turning around to face him again. But she isn’t met with the emotion she expected, with the love she always saw behind his eyes. Her smirk falls off, replaced with some sort of understanding smile. “I see,” she mumbles. “You two must have gotten close.” 

“Why are you here?” He asks, ignoring all her comments. He knows she isn’t here to have a chitchat or tell him she is happy for him so he’d much rather skip all that bullshit. “Can’t I just visit my old friend?” Cheol rolls his eyes, taking a seat on the couch. “How did you even find me?” 

“I know people,” she shrugs, taking one last look around before sitting down as well. “Is she here?” — “No,” he lies without hesitation. He’s never been a fan of lying but if he gets to protect you like this, he’ll do it again and again without batting an eye. He just hopes you stay asleep and this doesn’t turn into an even bigger problem. 

Joohee hums, “I wanted to say hello to her. I guess we’ll have to do that another time.” 

“There won’t be another time,” he snaps before she can say anything else. “These visits are not something you’ll be doing again.” 

She smirks. It’s sweet to see him so protective over you, so sweet. “Why not? I want to meet the person who brought so much attention to the Midnight Menagerie.” Something flickers behind Seungcheol’s eyes, realization she assumes. “Did you think we weren’t going to find out who wrote an article about the mysterious disappearances at the Midnight Menagerie?” She quotes the article, acting like she is thinking deeply about something before continuing. “Is it just a coincidence or has the circus always been a part of something bigger? Murders?” She cocks her head to the side, her smile falling. 

“Let me tell you something, Seungcheol,” she doesn’t give him a chance to speak, her expression serious as she stares at the man in front of her. “I liked you. I thought you were adorable with your smiles, jokes, and tongue—does she know yet how skilled you are with it?—but my adoration for you goes only this far.” His teeth clench together, every part of him feeling disgusted the more she talks. “I didn’t want you to die, I did my best to keep you alive while getting you out of our way but this,” a disappointed sigh leaves her lips, “this makes me question my previous decision.” 

You soon realize you can’t sleep properly without Cheol’s hands wrapped around you and listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. You get out of bed after rolling around for a while longer, wondering where he is so long. If Minji just needed to get the door opened he would have been back a long time ago. 

You rub your eyes with the back of your hand, getting them to focus again as you walk to the door, going to find him on your own. But you stop yourself in time, the female voice behind the door reaching your ears. That is definitely not Minji. You want to rush outside, see who it is your boyfriend is talking to instead of cuddling you in the bed but thankfully you hear a name before you can do so. Fuck. 

“Just tell me what you want, Joohee,” he urges. “Tell me why you’re doing all this.” The corner of her mouth twitches. “It’s really easy, actually,” she leans closer to him, a shiver running down his spine when he feels her breath on his ear. “Power is an addiction. And power, power is something I’ve always felt around you,” she kisses the shell of his ear, her palm pressed against his chest. Cheol’s eyes widen immediately, pushing her off. Her back hits the other side of the couch, a smirk on her lips. 

You hate not seeing what’s happening in the next room, and you hate even more how quiet it gets. The voices are there, you can still make out as much, but everything is muffled. You doubt that means anything good. You bring your phone to your ears, taking a step back to make sure they can’t hear you before speaking. “Park Joohee, one of the people standing behind the disappearances at the Midnight Menagerie and possible murderers we told you about a few days ago is in my living room.” 

It’s crazy how just one call can prevent everything you’ve been so worried about. As soon as you give your address information to the police officer your friend introduced you to right after writing her article about the circus, you finally open the door, meeting eyes with the woman sitting on your couch. 

“Looks like our nurse is home after all,” Joohee grins and Cheol turns to face you immediately, panicking. You shouldn’t be here. He’s still not sure why Joohee came here, what she has up her sleeve, and he certainly doesn’t want to figure it out with you at risk. 

“I’ve heard so much about you,” she smiles at you, a smile so fake it makes you cringe. “Can’t say the same about you,” you retort, sending Seungcheol a reassuring smile when you notice the worries in his eyes. He doesn’t need to worry about you, though, you have everything under control. “Well, I just wanted to see how you were doing. I wish you–” she doesn’t get to finish her sentence as Cheol quickly covers her mouth. Your eyes widen as you watch him, frozen in place as he makes sure not a single word leaves her lips. 

“In care I’m really not that far from the truth, it’s not safe to let her wish anything bad upon us,” he explains and you finally move again, feeling like a heavy rock just fell off your shoulders. This feels like a win. 

“Then you should keep her like that until officer Choi gets here to take her away,” you say, plopping down on the couch. He blinks confusedly at first, his confusion slowly replaced by admirance as he looks at you. If he’d feel confident enough nothing will happen if he let Joohee go he’d pull you in for the biggest kiss in a heartbeat. 

♡⸝⸝ ♡⸝⸝ 

The Midnight Menagerie is used to disappearing as fast as it arrives, but this time, it looks like they won’t be going anywhere. After an anonymous tip to the police department, an investigation of the circus was launched, uncovering details that shocked all the villagers. 

The Midnight Menagerie has long captivated audiences across Asia. However, police now confirm that the death of one of its former performers, Mr. Shin, previously ruled as accidental, is being reclassified as a homicide.

Investigators have since reopened more cases linked to the mysterious circus, including the list of missing performers provided by a former member of the circus—Choi Seungcheol, who has gotten into an accident during his time at the circus that the police has now classified as an attempted murder after the confession of one of the involved, Park Joohee. 

You smile as you scan the news page, happy now that everything regarding the circus is behind you. There was a time you truly believed the universe could have sent the Midnight Menagerie and Scoups your way on purpose but now, now you just believe you and Cheol found your way to each other because you were meant to get far away from it.

You place the newspaper back on the table, looking up to see how your boyfriend is doing. You can practically see the frown on his face despite his back facing you, his shoulders visibly tense as he fixes the shelf in his room so it’s no longer crooked. “Do you need my help?” You offer but he just shakes his head. “Just sit there, pretty, I’m almost done.” 

You can’t complain, not with the sight in front of you. Your boyfriend is handsome, even more so when he does manual work like this. In the past week, he’s already put together a new table, fixed the light in the bathroom, and helped a new renter move in. It might not be the life you imagined for yourself before meeting him, but it certainly is the life you love now that you’re living it. 

As soon as he is done, he plops down on the bed beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. You smile at him, leaning in and pressing your lips to his. “Not only is my boyfriend incredibly strong, he also looks so handsome during it,” you whisper, creating a smile on his lips. He gives you another kiss, pulling you even closer to himself. “Only for you,” he assures you. 

You giggle when he picks you up and sits you on his lap, looking up at you. You run your hand through his hair, unable to hide your smile. “We should get away after your exams are over.” You nod, never for a bit questioning his idea. You’d go anywhere with him. “I’d love that.” 

You kiss him again, needing to feel his lips on yours as you talk about your plans for the future, hoping to steady yourself with it as the warm, fuzzy feeling you’ve been feeling a lot around him lately appears again. The three words hang at the tip of your tongue but you don’t say them yet. Not because you wouldn’t be sure about him, but because you want to enjoy this moment for a bit longer. Your lips on his, no words said, just your bodies touching. 

But you do pull away eventually to take a breath and the urge to tell him overtakes you. You cup his cheeks, smiling at him as you gaze into his eyes. “I love you, Choi Seungcheol, and I’d love to go anywhere with you.” 

You catch the spark flickering in his eyes, his lips chasing after yours right away. You giggle as he switches your positions, pinning your back to the mattress. Your name leaves his lips, a quiet prayer between the messy kisses he leaves on your face. “I love you, with every tiny bit of my body,” he proclaims, meeting your eyes again after kissing you. 

He wants to tell you more, tell you how much he appreciates you every day and that he truly believes he exists because you exist, but when he looks into your eyes, he knows there is no need to say it all—because you know. You know exactly what he wants to say because you understand him, more than he thought you ever could when he first met you. 

Friendship is easy, it’s a breath of fresh air and it’s a company one longs for. Friendship was also hard to come by, especially when you’re a part of the royal family. You are the crown, your life is the crown and it’s a title you must live up to. You are the eldest daughter of the royal family, princess of Caliriel of the Seven Isles. Your family, the Choi family, has been ruling the Isle of Caliriel since its conception. Your blood dates back generations of change and tradition. Being the oldest, your beautiful world is in your hands, something you cannot run from. So, naturally, it was hard to find friends. While local children run around and play in mud, you were learning how to run a country, learning your place in the world as a princess in this society. You had to rule, had to learn the ways of the treaty, the rules, the laws of the land, and how to keep the peace. The Isle of Caliriel was the peacemaker within the Seven Isles. Your land had a pause in time, a sense of security in its green blankets and a calm nature with the way the Earth breathes with the people. It was your land, your sacred land you had to learn to take care of. 

The only other person who understood, was the only person you could call your best friend; Mark Lee of Eloweth. Mark Lee was a nice boy when you met him all those years ago, he was the prince of the neighboring Isle of Eloweth. Eloweth and Caliriel were close in distance and close in relations. They were close allies, closer with one another compared to the other Isles, so it was only natural that you and Mark became close, close in age and similar in the way you both wish to rule your Kingdoms. You still remember the first time you met him all those years ago, it was for your fifth birthday celebration, the one you actually remember meeting him instead of hearing that was the nth time meeting Mark. Nonetheless, you remember playing around with some village children on the royal grounds, the vines and leaves rustling around when you spotted a quiet boy standing off to the side. Your little feet coming to a halt as you try to catch your breath. Your little lungs filled with air as you don’t know what compelled you to approach the young boy, but you did. 

“What are you doing here alone?” You asked as soon as you faced him. His little head looking up at you, sweaty as your one tied up hair stuck to your face in a mess. Your face flushed red as you stopped chasing your village playmates around to talk to him. “Are you not having fun?” You tilted your head to the side, brows furrowed as your little mind couldn’t comprehend why this boy around your age was standing off to the side like he didn’t belong.  

The boy shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know anyone” He mumbled out, his voice softly spoken as he fiddled with his hands. “My mom told me I’d make friends and that I knew the princess, but I don’t remember meeting her” 

“The princess?” You questioned as he nodded his head. “That's me! See you do know someone, you know me! Come on, let's play!” You exclaimed, not caring for his next words as you grabbed his hand, pulling him along to play with the other children. 

Your parents watched in awe, noticing how you chased Mark around as he didn’t fully understand the game you and the other children were playing. The Queens of Caliriel and Eloweth gushed and beamed at how cute you and Mark looked playing with one another. The giggles coming out of you both as you slowly separated from the village children to play your own game. You both shared secrets, both talked about your families and made jokes about random things. Mark would mention something about Eloweth and you’d look at him like he was speaking a different language as you don’t know what Eloweth was. Despite going several times as a baby, your brain didn’t remember those visits, so you listened in awe as he spoke about his favorite spots and the magic well he swore could grant wishes.  

“Oh! I want to grant a wish! I want my wish to come true!” You yelled at the top of your lungs, looking straight at your mother as you ran to her, Mark running behind you. “Mama! Mark told me about a well that can grant wishes! I want to go! I want my wish to come true!” You exclaimed, tugging on her dress as the two Queens looked down on you with such soft smiles. Your mom nodded, telling you how one day you’ll plan a playdate to Eloweth soon. “I can’t wait, we have to go now!” You exclaimed, tears filling your eyes as you wanted to see the magic well so badly. 

“We can’t go now, it's a three day journey, and you have school lessons tomorrow” Your mother explained, bending down to meet you at your height. 

You were stubborn, it’s a trait you got from your father, stubborn and always wanting to have everything you wanted. Call yourself spoiled, but maybe you were headstrong and it came with a cost. “B-but, the magic well” You blabbered, fat tears threatening to leave your eyes, but you tried to keep them in as you didn’t want to cry on your birthday. 

“It’s okay” Mark spoke up, making you look at him while your mother and his, looked at the quiet boy who spoke up. “I’ll make sure you get to see the well” Mark nodded, looking up at his mom who looked at him with such pride. This was the son she was raising him to be, true and kind. “Right, mom?” He asked, she offered him an affirming nod to which he beamed his smile at you. 

“Really?” You asked, voice cracking you wanted nothing more than to see that well. 

“I promise” He replied enthusiastically, holding out his pinky finger to seal it all. 

You couldn’t help it, your tears were dry and your smile took up your whole face. “Okay!” 

That’s how the friendship started. Years and years of visiting each other when possible, mostly at family events and birthday celebrations where you made sure Mark got the first invite. He was your best friend growing up, you saw the well and it was a frequent hang out spot between the two of you every time you visited Eloweth. While on the Isle of Caliriel, the castle garden was where you two spent most of your time on his visits to you. During diplomatic meetings between Caliriel and Eloweth, you two were supposed to attend, supposed to sit in and listen and take notes to learn the ways of how to rule a country, and yet the two of you hardly showed up, leaning that responsibility on your younger sister. The two of you would sneak off, hiding behind corridors and statues to hide from the guards who were after you. Every nook and cranny the two of you fit in was a new hiding spot as the adrenaline filled your bodies. The heavy footsteps of the guards coming after you, calling out your names as the two of you try to hide your laughter. 

You still remember the day it was an important meeting for your families, talks about your Unveiling day, which was just a fancy way of presenting you to society as a potential wife to someone. It was an outdated tradition that was heavily influenced by the Isle of Aurethiel, you didn’t want to be a part of the conversation, so you convinced Mark to sneak away again. “Come on! I don’t want to be in there while they talk about giving me away like a cow” You complained as you both were in your room, you pacing in your dress as Mark sat on your bed. He was so comfortable, shoes kicked off and to the side as he leaned back on his arms as he watched you pace with his head lolled back.  

“It’s tradition” Mark replied, trying to be a voice of reason. “Besides, if anything, it’s more of a birthday party than an Unveiling” He pointed out and he was right. The Unveiling was held on the person's 18th birthday, the day they are seen as an adult, ready for marriage. 

“Still! Unveiling?” You questioned, completely perplexed at the idea of a grand ball being thrown in honor of you being of age. “It’s like they are offering me up as meat! I’m not ready to get married, let alone proposed to!” 

“I don’t think they’re wanting you to get married right away, it's just a formality to let the neighboring Isles know that you’re open to it” Mark explained with a calm voice, the same voice that could always bring you down from the pressures of royalty when it got too much. When he noticed how you didn’t respond, but put your hands on your hips as you continued to pace in a dress that he knew was one you didn’t pick out, he signed. Standing up, Mark grabbed you by the shoulders to stop your pacing and held you still. “We’ll skip it, but if we get caught, I am throwing you under the well” 

“You wouldn’t” You mumbled out, eyes narrowed as you knew that if you were caught, your parents wouldn’t let you hear the end of it. 

“I will” He replied, holding out his pinky and you knew he was serious. Smacking away his pinky, Mark laughed at your stubbornness. 

Suddenly, there was a knock at your door, letting the person know to come in, the door opened and your younger sister came in. “Mom said to come down, they’re ready to speak about your Unveiling” 

You smiled, letting her know that you and Mark will come down soon. Your younger sister looked at Mark and offered him a shy smile. Despite knowing him for all her life, your sister was still shy around Mark, it was odd considering how much time he spent in your castle, and yet she looked at him like he was a stranger. Nonetheless, she nodded and left the two of you alone in your too big of a room. 

You looked back at Mark with a smirk as he knew what to do. The two of you were quiet in your steps, slowly opening the door and you peaked your head out with Mark’s right above yours as you both looked for any guards that were out in the corridors. “Coast is clear” You mumbled out, opening the grand door more as you both carefully stepped out. The two of you were trying so hard to not make a lot of noise as you walked down the halls of your castle. Each corner turned was a risk that you both were willing to make, it was something you and Mark knew well. Years of sneaking off meant you knew each guard rotation, each secret passage, and knew where each vine perfectly hid your bodies. Still, it was always important to be watchful since by now your parents would have sent out a message to find you and the prince. 

Gently grabbing your hand, Mark led you down the hallway, the vines covering the arches as you heard the familiar fast footsteps of a guard running to the other. Quickly, you pulled Mark in the opposite way as you both hid behind a pillar that held up the arch as you heard the faint voices of the guards. “The Queen has said to look for the prince and princess, they’re sneaking off again” you could make out their words. 

“Cats out the bag” You mumbled to Mark. 

“Let's keep moving” He instructed, waiting until the footsteps were further so you both could move again. Once the coast was clear, the two of you began moving again, your heels gently clacking on the stone floor as Mark’s shoes made soft sounds as it hit the floor. Your breathing was in sync as the Earth breathed with each step, bringing a bigger sense of anticipation of being caught. 

A few more corridors and you'd both be free to the village grounds, unfortunately, that didn’t happen. The downside of the vines and flowers wrapping around your castle meant that a sneeze was inevitable to people who weren’t local. This meant that despite trying so hard to keep his sneeze in, when you and Mark passed a violet flower, he just couldn’t help himself. You could sense his sneeze as the hand he was holding tense up. 

“Mark, don’t you dare sneeze” You whispered, warning him to hold it in. It was no use, he paused in his step as he let it rip. The sneeze echoed in the hall as you closed your eyes in pain at the realization that you were in for it. 

Mark slowly turned around to face you, an apologetic smile on his face as he sniffled. You were about to tear into him when you heard the yell of a guard. “Hey!” you both turned around to see a group of guards running your way. 

“Should we run?” Mark asked, knowing that usually, you just let the guards take you, but this time it was different. When you would usually say no to his question, this time you replied: “Yes”. 

Your hand reached for his again and you bolted, Mark lagging behind as he tried to catch his footing. “Stop!” The guards yelled as you ran with Mark, the two of you laughing as you turned corners and tried to lose the guards. “Hey! Princess!” They kept yelling, wanting you to stop this chase, but you didn’t let up. You didn’t want to sit down with your parents and Mark’s parents and discuss gowns, decorations, food, dances, music and least of all, potential husbands that would arrive at your ball. It was something you disliked, sure as a kid the idea of love and a ball thrown for you sounded appealing, nice even, but as you grew up, you disliked the idea. Your Kingdom was more important than a lousy marriage out of convenience. Sure, maybe you’d grow to love the person you end up marrying, but is it so bad to want to be friends with someone first without the implication or the impending doom that you’d be married to him soon? You never enjoyed courting, you hated it. It was annoying and vigorous, it was tedious and time consuming. It also felt forced, unnatural and uncomfortable. Honestly, you blamed the Prince of Auretheil for your disdain of courting. He courted you as young kids, bothering you, wanting to go on dates, asking you out on dates in front of your parents during the meetings you had with the Isle of Aurethiel, even in front of Mark once. It was childish, so juvenile in nature that it put you off. If that was what courting was, you didn’t want any part of it. 

Turning one corner, your feet came to a skidding stop as Mark’s momentum became too much as he equally tried to stop, causing you both to almost fall just a few feet away from some guards who noticed you two. “There they are!” They yelled, causing you and Mark to start running again down another hall, running so fast that you and Mark couldn’t help but laugh as you tried to escape. You and Mark reached a dead end, causing you both to panic, however you saw how the vines were hiding a door and if someone, like the guards, were too busy to find you, they'd never notice the door handle hidden behind the green leaves filled with white flowers. 

“Quick, here” You called for Mark, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the small door, opening it up and shoving him in there first as you closed it behind you. It was a small hole in the wall, hiding you away from the guards as you could hear their voices conspiring to find you two. You let out a sigh of relief as the guards ran away while Mark was slightly hunched over with his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. 

“Why…Why did we run?” Mark asked through huffs, standing up straight to look at you as you equally tried to catch your breath as you felt your hair sticking to the back of your neck. “We usually let them catch us” 

Putting your hands on your hips, you shook your head, looking away in shame as you denied tradition. “I didn’t…I didn’t want to discuss textures and decorations. I don’t want to be courted and I don’t want to be a potential wife” You explained, the fear of being nothing more than a wife looming over your head. 

All your life it was put into your head that you were a princess, a future queen, a future ruler, a person who had power. You saw the way your father and mother ruled and knew what you wanted to be, knew what you had to do, and knew you wanted nothing more than to wear your family's crown proudly. You wanted future generations to look back on your time as queen and know that you were great. You wanted to be great, otherwise you felt as though you’d be nothing. Being nothing was a fate worse than marriage, and you fear that marriage would cause you to be nothing. Sure, sometimes you wish you were normal, that feeling amplified when you were younger, a child thrown into classes to be wise and proper made you dislike the royal life until you got to sit in a meeting with the Kings and Queens of the Seven Isles. How your father carried himself, how your mother was a voice of reason, how your father spoke to people about his land, how your mother spoke about the families and how much they mattered more than the royal family. They spoke so highly of their subjects and suddenly it all shifted for you and you knew that this was your calling. Being queen, being the one to advocate for your people, that was the dream. So, you wore the responsibility of being princess, you wore it well, even when it was hard, even when you at times longed for normalcy, you knew it wouldn't measure up to being queen one day. 

“I want to be a queen, Mark, I want to be something. I don’t want future historians to look back and see me as nothing more than a wife to some bloke king” You explained, your insecurity of being a speck of dust in your husband's shadow haunted you at night the more your parents spoke about your Unveiling. 

Mark just looked at you, studying how your face contorted into displeasure at the mere thought of someone asking for your hand in marriage. How your dress was one you would never choose as you disliked the frills and fuss it had and how despite you being so out of breath, you looked so composed and spoke clearly like a queen would. Mark knew you were destined for greatness, he knew it from the moment he met you at your fifth birthday, he knew it when you saved him from almost falling into the well when he showed you it for the first time, and he knew it now as you stood tall with your decision. Your stubbornness, seeming as a flaw to the majority, was an attribute Mark relished in, one he loved and one he admired. Mark lives for how stubborn you are as he knows it’ll make well for a future queen. 

“You’ll never be “just a wife” in history books” Mark stated as he used quotation marks. You looked over at him with little to no hope. He noticed and he hated how you looked at him like that, hated how you looked so defeated. “You’re supposed to be great, you are great. You’re going to be the greatest Queen Caliriel has ever seen. Being a wife won’t stop you, but if you don’t want to be a wife, don’t let them force you” 

“Am I really supposed to be great?” You asked, an insecure seventeen year old feeling the weight of the crown on her head as her 18th birthday approaches. 

Mark deeply understands this insecurity well, he knows it like an old friend and wears it like a childhood blanket. Outgrown and yet still feels like home. He can’t let you think like that, live like that or even believe that. You weren’t  just destined for greatness, you were destined for so much more and Mark believes that like a religion. 

“I think you can be so much more” 

All you could do was smile, a sense of relief and assurance filled your body. Maybe that was what you needed, to hear those words come from him. Mark knew you so well, knew you inside and out and knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes. Hearing that you’ll be a great queen from your parents was one thing, it was heavy, it was like a mantra, a manifestation they had rather than a belief. Mark, however, his words held such power, rather than a manifestation, it was a statement, one he believes with his whole soul that it could be felt to the Isle of Mariethen. 

“You’ll be so much more too when you rule” You replied, his own reassuring words echoing as your own. The same statement believed like a religion. “A true and honest King” You nodded, a firm nod like one would give their subject when speaking.

“You think?” He asked, a blush creeping up his neck and hitting his ears. 

You smile, ease filling the air as the scene outside of guards rushing around to find you both disappeared from your minds. “Of course, it’s who you are. You have a way with words and I think that’s the best quality one can have when it comes to being a ruler”

“Are you saying I have a large vocabulary?” Mark asked, a teasing tone filling his voice as you crossed your arms over your chest. 

“Mark, you are the only person I know that uses “Pulchritudinous” to describe something you find beautiful” You retorted, calling him out on his use of unnecessarily fancy words to describe something. 

“It’s an honest word” Mark defended himself as he shrugged his shoulders. 

“It’s pretentious”

Mark let out an exasperated sigh. “As if that isn’t a big word”

“It isn’t!” You exclaimed, both sharing a laugh when the door to the closer was pulled open with string force. You turned around and both yours and Mark’s face fell as your father stood tall with hands on his hips with a downturn face looking at the both of you. “Uh oh”

“Uh oh, is right, young lady” King Choi replied with his softly spoken voice and yet it held so much weight. He looked between you and Mark before his eyes settled on your frame. “Care to explain why you and Prince Mark are hiding away in a broom closet?”  

“Would you buy it if I said that Mark spilt something in my room and we tried to find a broom?” You asked, giving him a sheepish smile as that usually works on him. However, this wasn’t the time it worked. 

“That wouldn’t explain why my guards told me that you ran from them after they caught you sneaking off”

You let out a small click of your tongue as you tried to lighten the tense mood. “Heard that through the grapevine didn’t you?” You asked, cautiously laughing in awkwardness as Mark remained tensed up behind you. 

Your father signed, taking in a deep breath and closing his eyes before he opened them to look at Mark. “Prince Mark, your mother is calling for you. I do hope you will make your way to her and not run from my guards” Your father ordered, his voice quiet but you knew it could be heard for miles. 

“Yes, King Choi” Mark instantly replied, bowing to show his respects to the king. Mark quickly walked past you, but not without a small touch of his hand on your arm, squeezing it to let you know that he’d see you later. 

When Mark was out of sight, his footsteps a mere whisper in the corridors, you looked at your stern faced father with desperation. “Father, it isn’t his fault” 

“I do not care whose fault or idea it was. What I care about is that my daughter isn’t at one of the most important meetings of her young life.” He explained, getting ready to give a lecture. However, you stopped him before he could go on as you didn’t like the current position you were in. 

“Before you lecture me, can we do it when I’m not in a broom closet looking at you through vines?” You asked a joking question to ease the stern tension your father is bestowing upon you. 

Even he couldn’t help but feel a smile crack at the corner of his lips. He too realized how he was looking down at you through the cracks in the vines. “That would be most ideal” 

He turned in his heel, you following him with your head low as he held his high. You could feel the tension rising and the peacefulness of the castle being disturbed with your act of rebellion. Peaking to your left, you see one of the guards who was chasing you around giving you a curt nod. The nod was a signal, a sign that you shouldn’t have to worry, that the King, despite being upset, was open minded and willing to understand why you snuck off. 

That’s one of the things you adored about your father. He was open minded, even when he shouldn’t be. Every time you snuck off with Mark, he was upset, beyond disappointed and yet, he constantly heard you out and tried to understand you. Even though he didn’t agree with your reasons 99% of the time, he still heard you out and let you make your case. He claimed it was good practice for when you advocate about your people, a good way to practice public speaking when under pressure as these conversations were based on how quick you could come up with answers to his questions. 

Your father opened up the doors to the throne room where you see your mother standing aside with Mark's mom. Their heads turn to the loudness of the double doors opening to find you and your father walking in. You see your mom visibly sigh as she stands calmly and yet there was still a tenseness in her shoulders. 

You gave her a tight lipped smile to hide your embarrassment, but it didn’t help. “Hey, mom” You mumbled out, acknowledging her and then turning to look at Mark’s mom. “Queen Lee” You curtsied to show your respect. 

“My son tells me he put you up to sneaking off” She announced, her voice soft as she looked at you for more answers. “I’m assuming he’s telling the truth?”

“No, it was all my idea, I talked him into it” You corrected her quickly, not wanting Mark to suffer a consequence he had no right to. “I deeply apologize for the trouble I caused you all” Mark’s mom nodded at your confession, already knowing that her son was lying as he’d do anything for you. 

“Well, now that that’s cleared up, we have to be headed back” Queen Lee said, the three of you instantly showing your respect with your curtsy and bows. As she was walking past you and your father, she paused in her steps and put a hand on your shoulder. You looked at her, your young face reminding her of a simpler time as a princess, knowing she’d do the same thing as you. “Next time, if you get caught, ditch my son, he will drag you down. Doesn’t know how to run properly” 

“He was lagging behind me, but I can’t ditch him” You replied back, a soft chuckle coming out of both of you. 

She hummed, gently patting your shoulder as her kindness melted into your bones. “You’re a loyal friend, I’m happy Mark has a friend like you”

“I’m lucky to have him as a friend” You replied back, her smile soft and wise. Nodding, she made her way out of the throne room, her heels clacking against the stone as you looked back at your parents as they stood watching you. “Am I grounded?” Was the first question that came out of your mouth. 

Your father signed as he pinched in between his brows, a quiet annoyance you felt with him. You were witty, quick with responses and although that made great for a queen, it annoyed your father, as any father would be. He raised you this way, you are your fathers daughter. 

“Yes, you are” Your mothers sweet voice spoke up. “However, we must discuss your Unveiling” You felt yourself groan at her words, your shoulders slumping over as your mother quickly tried to speak over your groan. “It’s only tradition! Listen, you can have it be whatever you want, any colors and any fabrics, really!”

“I don’t care what color it is or if it's silks or satin” You spoke up, your parents looking at you. Your father's stone faced while your mother was one of concern. “I don’t want an Unveiling. I don’t want to be seen as a potential wife when I am only eighteen” 

“It’s tradition” Your father spoke up. 

“So I’ve heard” You exclaimed, your voice tired as it let out more breath. You signed, closing your eyes as you took a few steps closer to your parents. “I love our Kingdom and its tradition, but I cannot let myself be seen as a mere wife when I am supposed to be a queen one day” You explained with sincerity, trying to convey your words without hostility. 

“No one sees you as a wife!” Your mother exclaimed, her tone exasperated as she wanted to get through to you.

To your mother, the Unveiling was more than what tradition called it. To her, it was a celebration, a way to present you to the world, not as a potential bride, but as a future Queen. It was a way to fully integrate you into society, formally introducing you as the next Heir, the next in line and a working monarch in the Seven Isles. It was also a way for her to see you as a grown up, or someone trying to grow up and mature. To her, it was something she’d been dreaming of seeing, you in a dress that signified your coming of age, dancing around with your friends and potential suitors from neighboring Isles, watching you run around and sneaking off with Mark as she assumed you’d do, and of course, just watching you smile with glee at the introduction of you, Princess of Caliridel, future Queen Choi. It was an honor to have an Unveiling and while yes, it had its problematic undertones and past, to your mother it didn’t negate the newer meaning it had in recent society. Your mother wanted nothing more than to have a reason to throw you a ball in your honor. You could see the want, the longing, the itch to go to your fitting, be a part of the planning, the fuss of it all, your mom wanted to be a part of it. 

Your mother gently approached you after noticing your resolve falling. Her hands gently cradled your face like you were a porcelain doll. So fragile, so young, so sweet and peaceful. “You are going to be a great Queen one day. You’re going to be the glue, the peace, the one the future kings and queens turn to. The Isle of Aurethiel might have the gold, but you my darling, you are your people. You are going to rule with such grace like I’ve raised you to. Your father and I are so proud, this Unveiling is so much more than a party with kingdoms and their subjects, it’s a way to introduce you to society. I get to brag about what a beautiful daughter I have and your father gets to talk politics with his friends while including you into the conversation” 

Her words struck a chord in you, something you didn’t know you had. A sense of pride, almost, a sense of responsibility. You knew the Unveiling was something you had to do, something a responsible princess would do without question. Maybe it was a shift of waiting to be different and rebel, change the royal life to not being complicit, but changing the meaning within the system. Adapting, changing, and living, that’s what you realized when your mother spoke. You knew and understood your place in the world, knowing you’d do anything for your people, you’d lay down your life for them. This Unveiling was a way to do that, you are a product of your mother and father, but also a product of your Kingdom and its people. You are your people and you are going to show the Isle’s who Caliriel are. 

That is the only reason you say, “Okay, I’ll do it’ 

And that's how you end up here, in your silky sage green dress that reminds you of the enchanted forest your Kingdom resides in. The subtle embellishments of sparkles catches the light from the chandelier and reflects shimmers that resemble the fairy light that hides within the trees. The subtle layers going down diagonally from your hip down to the floor reminding you of the flowing streams you used to swim in as a child, memories of you and Mark spending your days there. The servants in the castle did their job so well, rearranging the way the vines of your castle fell, the way the flowers seemed to shimmer a bit more than usual and how the floor sparkled like tiny diamonds. It was beautiful, soft flower petals falling from the sky as the natural ruins added to the comfort of your Kingdom. The bustling and chatter of the people from all around made your ears hum. The laughter coming from your mother as she brags about your dress and how your hair is done, thanks to her. Your father’s low voice could be heard as he talked about politics with the King of Sylveris and King of Mariethen. 

You stood tall, the music numbing your ears and the performers played traditional music of your land. Your back was straight and shoulders were back as you peered your neck out to find the one face you wanted to see. You kept craning from the top of the balcony as you looked down at the people. Where was he? It was almost time to call you in and announce you to the world and he was nowhere to be seen. 

“Princess, we’re ready for you” A royal guard announced as he stood tall with stiffness. You looked at him and looked back at the huge crowd in hopes to find him. 

“Do you know if the Lee family from Eloweth came in?” You asked, looking back at the guard with a plea. You saw him sternly shake his head, he didn’t know. 

You wanted to see Mark before you got presented as you could feel the nerves build in your stomach and your hands growing sweatier and colder by the second. You wanted to see him, see if he could ground you with his calming voice and wise words that were too large in meaning for you to understand. And yet, with his big words and a maturity you sometimes loathed, it calmed you, brought you back down to Earth, he comforted you in a way hardly anyone else could. 

“Okay, let’s just get this over with” You mumbled out, heels clacking against the pristine floor that had been around for generations. Walking down the stairs to where the throne room and other balcony that had stairs leading down met, you stood behind the double doors with your heart on the floor, stomach in knots and a body vibrating with anxiety. You felt yourself swallow a lump in your throat as you heard the hushes and murmurs of people quieting down as a royal guard began to announce your name. 

“The Princess of Caliriel!” He announced after your name, the double doors opening as you felt your feet move forward, head held high so as to not let your tiara fall. Your hands by your side as you entered the room, your eyes softly looking around the room as they applauded your arrival. They cheered for you as your hand came up to wave at them from the balcony, smiling with all your teeth as you made eye contact with as many people as you could. 

You made your way down the stairs, people stopping you to congratulate you, shake your hand and pulling you in for a hug. You tried to stay present, but you couldn’t help the way your gaze kept scanning the crowds for his face. It’s like your mind and body knew he wasn’t here, or that he was and he was hiding from you, but all you knew was that you needed to see him. Mark’s presence was an anchor you never had a second thought of needing since he was always there, until now. Making your way through the crowd, you find your mother and father sitting at their throne, you walk up to them and join them with your sister on either side of your father and mother as they sit in the middle. Taking your seat, face the front as all the people in the room show their respects with a bow and a curtsy. Your father stands, holding his hand up to let the people know to stand again. 

He cleared his throat as he began his speech. “My daughter is of age, how great is that. It is like yesterday, I found out my dear wife was pregnant with our child. And then, she was born, this tiny little thing, so small, so dear to me and instantly, I knew I loved her with so much of my heart. Then her sister came along and it was like my heart was split evenly into four as each part belonged to the four things I love most, my wife, my daughters, and my people!” Everyone cheered at his passion for the things he loved. You looked at the sea of people, noticing the familiar faces of King and Queen Lee of Eloweth, but their son was nowhere to be found. “I know my daughter will be a graceful ruler one day” Your father continued, catching your attention as you looked at him. “My wife has raised her right, with grace and dignity. I like to think I raised her to be a head strong ruler, someone who advocates for peace and for her people. My daughter" He said, turning to look at you, his eldest daughter. “May your reign be as beautiful and harmonious as you are” He looked back at his people and held his glass of wine high along with everyone else. “To my daughter!” He exclaimed as everyone else chanted your name. 

The musicians began playing their tune, people mingling and dancing as you sat in your seat, waiting for Mark to show up from the crowd. You sucked in a deep breath as you noticed your mother staring at you. She got up from her seat and walked over to you, bending down to put a hand on your arm. 

“What’s wrong, my love?” She asked, her honey voice infiltrating your ears over the loudness of the ball. 

“I don’t see him” You mumbled out, your eyes scanning the crowd for what seemed like the millionth time tonight. “I see his parents, but I don’t see him”  

Your mother signed, knowing that Mark was late due to him not finding the right gift for your birthday. It was just like Mark to be late because he didn’t find the perfect gift for his perfect best friend. Mark is a perfectionist, he wants everything to run smoothly, so your mother knew Mark had trouble finding you the perfect gift, the thing that’ll make your eyes shine brighter than the chandelier hanging above you. What he didn't know was that you didn’t care for grand gestures or extravagant gifts, you just wanted him to be here, his presence was enough for you. Mark could give you a leaf or a branch from the forest and you’d cherish it until your dying breath. 

“He’ll be here soon, my love” Your mother reassured you, her hand gently stroking your arm in a comforting manner. She looked at you scanning the crowd, looking towards your gaze to see the crowd of Seven kingdoms and your respected people who got an invitation dancing around and conversing with one another. “Why don’t you join them?” She asked, looking back at you as you felt your shoulders slump. “Go, have fun. It’s your Unveiling after all” She reminded you, looking at her with a small smile. 

You nodded your head, standing up from your throne to join the party goers. You usually hated this part, talking to others without Mark. He was a comfort, a way for you to feel at ease in a way. You and Mark were so attached to the hip that where one went, the other followed, it was a buddy system that couldn’t be broken no matter how much people tried. You remembered one birthday, it was Mark’s 15th and you two were isolated from the rest of his friends and neighboring princes and princesses. You remember the teasing of Prince Haechan from Aurethiel along with the laughter from Prince Chenle from Sylveris. Oh, how they teased you and Mark for sneaking off to enjoy each other's company rather than entertaining others. Their words are annoying and so true, “Look, the usual love birds alone. Chenle, you think they’ll get married one day?” Haechan would ask loudly with a playful smirk on his face. 

Chenle would laugh as he nodded happily. “Totally. Look how they sneak off alone together every time. Even at the Isle gatherings they sneak off and discuss their own politics” Chenle pointed out, reminding Haechan of how every gathering where all the princesses and princesses of the Seven Isles gathered for bonding, a way for the Isles to keep the peace. 

Haechan scoffed a playful noise, holding a hand to his mouth as he yelled at you and Mark. “Get married already!” 

Yours and Mark’s head whipped towards the noise and saw the two playful princes laughing. You felt your eyes roll while Mark spoke up on both of yours behalf. “We’re just friends! Go back to fawning over the Princess of Lioralis!”

You laughed watching Haechan’s ears burn red while his face burned the same shade, maybe one darker. Chenle’s laugh was heard through the garden as Haechan smacked his shoulder and walked off. You turned to Mark and the two of you went back to talking about random things until your mothers called you both for the cake. 

You heard your name being called and suddenly, you were back to reality. You turned around and sure enough, Haechan was standing behind you with a hand in his pocket and a glass of cider in his hand. “First off, happy birthday and second of all, you’re alone. Where’s Milk? Aren’t you two like always together?” 

You rolled your eyes at his tease. “He’s running late. Why? Miss your crush?” You teased back, turning around to walk away from him. 

“Hey! Just because Mark and I grew closer over the past year doesn’t mean I have a crush on him” Haechan defended himself, following you through the crowd as you smiled politely at people and he did the same. “Besides, you’re just upset because I’m stealing your best friend” 

“If by stealing you mean annoying him until he gives in, then sure, I’m totally jealous” You replied sarcastically, reaching a small table filled with finger food as you grabbed a small plate and filled it up mindlessly, trying to keep yourself busy. 

Haechan stood next to you, his body facing yours as you reached for things you don’t even like, but grabbed anyway. “Save me a dance, would you?” Haechan asked, making you sigh in annoyance. 

“Why would I do that?” You asked, looking at him with an unamused look. Haechan leaned in closer, his eyes flickering right past behind you before looking back at you. 

“Unveiling’s originated from my Kingdom, so it’s only natural for the Prince of Aurethiel to dance with you” He explained, making you roll your eyes, turning your head away from him, but he quickly grabbed your chin so gently to move your face towards his. “Besides, you look really pretty tonight” He whispered, making you freeze at his flirtation towards you. 

You knew Haechan was a flirt ever since he grew a sense of self that blurred the lines between ego and confidence. It was hard to tell between the two, however, this flirtation made you freeze because while Haechan flirted with every woman possible, he never did it with you. You knew Haechan since you were children, just like every other Prince and Princess, but Haechan never flirted with you the way he flirts with other women. Your sister was a subject to his flirtatious remarks, but you? He never did it, you didn’t know why, maybe it’s because you never responded or gave into it which fed his ego, but even then, you thought that your disdain for him would make it all so much better when you did cave, not that you ever would. 

You were about to respond when you heard someone clearing their throat, the noise making you turn around and Haechan letting go of your chin. You felt relief washing through your body like the sun peaking through the trees in the forest. You felt yourself smile as you saw Mark standing tall, looking between you and Haechan. 

“Mark, you’re here” You said, a happiness radiating in your body as he smiled at you. 

“Course I am. Couldn't miss my best friend's 18th birthday” He replied, a softness in his voice as he looked down at you. However, his mind was still filled with why Haechan leaned in so close to you, why his hand was on your chin and why was he so close to you? Were you and Haechan close all of a sudden? “Haechan” Mark said, addressing Haechan with a cold voice, one that made Haechan raise a brow at the coldness he was facing. 

“Markie!” Haechan gushed, ignoring the cold voice Mark was giving him, rushing to his side and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “I was just telling our little Princess that she looks so pretty tonight, don’t you think?” Haechan asked, a playful tease in his voice as he felt the need to bring you and Mark together. 

Mark finally looked at you and he really looked at you. The way your dress made your skin glow from the inside out, how it made your eyes shine brighter than any star Mark found in the night sky and how it made you look like you, not a potential wife like you were terrified to be. Mark looked at you and saw a future ruler, a Queen the Isle of Caliriel would be so proud of. 

“You look great” Mark complimented, his real words getting stuck in his throat as he didn’t want to confess that you didn’t look pretty, that was too simple of a word to describe how you looked tonight. Mark felt himself gulp as Haechan let out a disappointed sigh. 

“Thanks, Mark” You replied, still curious as to why he was late. “Haechan, do you mind if Mark and I speak alone?” You asked, trying to give him the hint to leave and annoy someone else or flirt with a different girl.  

Haechan groaned in annoyance. “You two are always alone! Ever since we were kids it was always you and Mark, Mark and you. Socialize outside of each other" Haechan advised after complaining like a child. Haechan always called you two out on hanging out with only each other and honestly you can’t blame him because it was true. 

“I socialize with Jaemin all the time” You defended, crossing your arms over your chest. 

Haechan shook his head, humming out a small ‘No’, denying your defense. “That doesn’t count, he’s practically your neighbor like Mark” He pointed out, gesturing to a quiet Mark as he watched your easy banter with him. Since when was your banter with Haechan so fluid? Mark was so confused right now, watching you two argue and speak like an old married couple. 

You rolled your eyes at his shifting of rules. “I talk with your sister too” 

“She also doesn’t count, she socializes with everyone” Haechan shot you down again, annoying you even further and Haechan was enjoying seeing you all riled up. It was entertaining. “It’s so fun getting under your skin” 

“Okay, Haechan, I’m gonna steal her now” Mark stopped you from saying something mean in response to Haechan’s tease. Grabbing your arm and pulling you with him. “Before she says something not nice”

Mark pulled you away from Haechan and dragged you to the other side of the ball room. “He’s so annoying! How are you friends with him?” You asked, grumbling all your words as the tease from Haechan got well under your skin. 

Mark’s legs came to a stop after escaping from the crowd and pulled you behind a pillar. “Well, he is fun at times” Mark explained, watching as you raised an eyebrow at him like he said something offensive. “He’s a funny guy, when he’s not teasing you. Besides, it’s Haechan, he’s always teasing us” Mark brushed off your annoyance with Haechan, knowing that the more he brushed it off and changed conversation, your annoyance would go down and you’d return to normal. “So, how’s it going? Any potential suitors asking for your hand in marriage?”

You smacked his shoulder, his chuckle coming to a stop as he felt the sting from your hit. ”Not funny!” You chuckled out, making him smile at you. You signed, the easiness in your body coming back as the annoyance disappeared. “So, are you gonna tell me why you’re late?” You asked, Mark’s shoulders dropping as he hoped you didn’t notice, key word being hope. 

Mark knew you’d noticed his absence, question it, wonder about it, and then in turn, be upset about it. Mark is punctual, he’s always on time, always there, always a reliable person. Mark is your person, he’s always there for you, from beginning to end. However, the reliance wasn’t one sided, you were there for him too. Every birthday party, every hang out he wanted, every break down he had, every time he came to you with a problem or something he just wanted to share, you were there. It was easy to be there for one another, like you both did it without a second thought. So, when one of you was absent or late, it was a cause for concern. 

“No reason, just, I was late” Mark lied, his lie being felt through the two of you and he knew you knew he was lying. You two knew each other for far too long to know when the other is lying. So, it’s why you furrowed your brows, confused and a little hurt as to why he was lying to you. 

“That's a horrible lie and you know it” You called him out, standing up straighter and trying to catch his gaze that he was purposefully avoiding. “Mark” You called out his name, his shoulders slumping as he finally caught your gaze. 

“I was last minute gift searching” Mark confessed, a shy look on his face as you felt your lips curl into a smile as you could the embarrassment from him. You couldn’t help it, a laugh escaping your lips as Mark felt his ears burn red at the embarrassment. “It was hard! I was trying to one up you from my birthday gift you gave me” You laughed even more at his explanation, making him grumble under his breath for you to stop laughing at him. 

Your laughter died down, a smile staying on your lips as you looked at Mark with such a soft look, one that spoke so many unspoken and unrevealed emotions you didn’t even know you had, was shown all over your face. 

“Mark” Your honey-like voice catching his full attention, his dark brown eyes looking at you with such attention, like you were the only thing in his line of sight. “I couldn’t care less about what you get me, I’d be happy with a piece of parchment that says ‘Happy Birthday’.” 

Mark shook his head, disagreeing with you and your words. “You might be happy with that, but I wouldn’t” He explained, the moment so intimate as you two gravitated closer to one another, not realizing how close you two were standing. “I want you to have the best birthday gifts ever because every birthday gift you give me is better than the one from the previous year” 

“Mark, you being here is enough of a birthday present”

“You love my company too much” 

“That is true, I do” You replied with a cheeky smile, Mark opening his mouth to say something, but heard someone call your name, making you turn around to see Haechan walking towards you with a huge smile, a knowing one as a soft song was playing. “Oh, Lords” A pained expression on your face as Haechan reached out a hand to you, asking for a dance. 

“Don’t look like you’re in pain, you promised me a dance” Haechan announced loudly, catching the attention of a few people around you. You felt their gazes and the pressure of their whispers hitting you. “Come on, dance with me” 

You turned around to see Mark, annoyance written all over his face, but when he looked at you, it evaporated. You silently begged him to do something, maybe interject and say he was going to dance with you first. However, he didn’t, he didn’t do anything other than gesture for you to join him. 

“Go dance with him, I’ll see you after” Mark assured you, your shoulders slumping as you turned back to look at Haechan with a small polite smile. 

You grabbed his hand and he looked so happy and excited to be stirring the pot between you and Mark. “Don’t look so happy Haech, it’s just a dance” You whispered in a low voice, the two of you joining the dance floor. 

“A slow dance with the future Queen of Caliriel? Of course I’m happy” Haechan answered, a hand resting on his shoulder while the other held his hand and one of his hands resting on your waist. “You, my lovely friend, are the most sought out maiden in all of the Seven Isles, I’m just lucky enough to be a friend of yours" He explained, bringing up how you're a well loved Princess that a few Princes’ had their eyes on. Which was an uncomfortable thought to have in your mind, especially since the Princes’ who are looking at you are ones you grew up with.

“Are you trying to tell me you want to court me?” You asked, your eyes squinting in question to his intentions. 

Haechan rolled his eyes, annoyed at how dense you are. “No, I’m not ready for marriage. I like flirting way too much” He pointed out, twirling you around before dipping you and pulling you back up. “But I wouldn’t be surprised if a marriage proposal was soon in your future” He prophesied, making you internally shiver at the idea of a Prince asking for your hand in marriage. 

“Never gonna happen” You mumbled out, continuing to dance with him while on the other side of the ball room, Mark stood where you left him. 

He was just watching you dance, a sour look on your face only he could see. He could feel an angry bubble in his stomach, he didn't know why he was angry, but he was. Mark just assumed it was because Haechan interrupted your conversation, yeah, that was why, no other reason he can think of. However, there was something he did know, dare he say, he wishes he was in Haechan’s place right now. Mark wanted to be the one to be dancing with you, dipping you, twirling you around like a ballerina. Mark wanted his hands on you, not Haehchan. However, that last thought felt too intimate for him to admit it to himself. 

“She’s pretty isn’t she” Mark heard Chenle’s familiar voice behind him, his gaze looking at him, however, Mark’s gaze never left your figure. 

“She’s breathtaking” Mark confessed, breathless at how your dress followed behind you, how the sparkling lights hit you at every perfect angle, and how stunning you looked, it rendered him speechless. Mark had no thoughts passing through his mind when looking at you dressed like it, it made him rethink his favorite color from being blue to the shade of green you were wearing. 

“Why can’t you say ‘beautiful’ like a normal person?” Chenle asked, teasing the boy who spoke like a poet with his big words that confused his counterparts. 

Mark broke his gaze away from you to look at Chenle, making a deeper point than he expected. “She deserves more than normal” Mark mumbled out, making sure Chenle understood how serious he was about this. Mark knew you deserved so much more than a lousy compliment you hear all the time, the same words, the same phrase, it all felt too repetitive. Mark didn’t want you to hear that from him, so he made a point to give you so much more with his words that confused you, but you still looked them up in a dictionary just to understand what he told you. 

The gentle claps began to fill the room as the dance came to an end. Mark felt his hands gently coming together as Chenle made his exit and you began walking towards him, a shy smile on your face while he said all the words deep down in his heart that weren’t ready to come out yet, it wasn’t time. 

“I hated that” You mumbled out, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the ball room and out onto a balcony that looked down on your Kingdom. The village lights were like twinkling stars or fireflies, the vines and flowers on the balcony, their scent filled your senses as you took in a deep breath, the warm air hugging you. “It was so cold in there, needed some fresh air” You mumbled out, the comment Haechan made still ringing in your mind. 

Mark could sense that there was something on your mind, something heavy with societal pressures. “What did he say?” Mark asked, his voice soft as he looked at you, you avoiding his gaze as you felt an uncomfortable amount of attention on you from him. 

While it was easy to talk to Mark, easier than you ever thought, it was also hard sometimes. Mark is a safe space, a safe person, and a safe atmosphere because he created it. Mark is a comforting person and that hasn;t changed since you met him. You honestly don’t know how he does it, how he can make people confide in him so easily, like he speaks and instantly you want to tell him your deepest darkest secrets. 

You took in a deep breath, biting your lip as Mark continued to bear his eyes on you, his gaze hot. “Haechan said something stupid” You replied, shaking your head as if to brush it off, a chuckle leaving your lips to ease the tension. “He said that I was the most sought after maiden in all of the Seven Isles, which is crazy” 

“He’s not wrong” Mark replied, making you finally look at him like he was insane. No way was Mark agreeing with Haechan about this. “You know you’re beautiful, any Prince would be lucky to marry you, let alone court you” 

“I don’t want to be courted” You confessed, the confession weighing heavy on both of you. “I told you this, I don’t want to be married or thought of as a wife. I have a duty to my people, that comes first before any ring” Your voice was stern, borderline yelling because it honestly felt like no one was listening or understanding you. You’re only eighteen, so young, too young to even be thinking about marriage. While you were too young to be thinking about running a country, that felt more reasonable than thinking about which Prince to pick as your husband. 

“No one is asking you to get married now” Mark assured you, but it felt like he wasn’t listening to you again. The gentle frustration of being heard, but not understood simmered in you. You weren’t frustrated at Mark, he didn’t understand as he was a man, he heard, but didn’t understand, that’s not something you faulted him with. 

“I know, they want me to get married later in life, but I don’t think I want that” You confessed gently, like it was a new revelation to the both of you. Suddenly, the idea of marriage was no longer an after thought that you knew would happen one day, but one you disowned. Did you want marriage? Did marriage seem like a good road to go down on? Sure, being a wife wouldn’t stop you from being a good Queen, but for some reason, you felt as though that it would drag you down. 

“You don’t want to get married?” Mark asked, eyes slightly wide as he never heard that come from you before. When you both discussed marriage in passing, you were indifferent to it, but you weren’t opposed to it, knowing the day would come eventually. But now, you felt like that day was coming faster and faster and it terrified you. 

“I don’t know!” You exclaimed, your hands coming up to hold your head as you rested your elbows on the balcony. You signed, the pressure of trying to give Mark an answer made you clench your jaw. Mark gently rested a hand on your back, warm and comforting as you lifted your head. The night was quiet, warm and cold at the same time that it felt comfortable. “It’s just, I feel all this pressure all of a sudden to either get married now or get married later on in life, but I don’t even know if I want that” 

Mark felt his brows furrow, not confused by your words, understanding that people change their minds all the time, and the idea of marriage changed your mind from accepting it, to no longer wanting any part of it. “Why don’t you want to get married?” He asked, again, not because he was confused, but just out of curiosity. 

“Other than only being seen as a wife and not a Queen?” You asked, a scoff like a chuckle leaving your mouth. Shaking your head, you looked out at your kingdom, the gentle whisper of the air and the calming heartbeat of the land filling your body. “I don’t know, marriage is so deep, so intimate and I don’t know if I can do that with someone. I don’t know if I can bear my soul to someone and tie it with them for the rest of my life” 

Mark couldn’t help it, bearing your soul to someone was hard? He couldn’t believe that. “You seem to bear your soul to me fairly easily” Mark chuckled as he saw a smile break out on your face, you finally looking at him with a light look. 

“Thats because we’re best friends” You replied carelessly, just like you’ve done so many times before. It was easy to call yourselves best friends because you were, there was nothing more to it, not right now at least. Sure, the teasing was annoying and made you second guess your friendship with Mark at times, late at night where you wondered what if you and Mark dated, what if they were right and you both like each other more than friends? However, those thoughts went away the next day when you and Mark met up, the easiness of it all dismantled all those what if’s because the last thing you wanted was to destroy this friendship with a what if. 

“The best” Mark replied back, his smile growing, but he couldn’t help but wonder. “But, come on, you show me everything about yourself, why can’t you do that with someone else?” 

“Because no one else makes me feel as safe as you do” Your confession was filled without hesitation, it was a truth you knew and was comfortable with. You knew it, Mark knew it, everyone knew how easy it was for you to confide in Mark, how he is your safe person. Mark made it too easy to bear your soul to him, his calming nature, his understanding mind, his advice, his presence made you drop your walls, not that you ever had any with him anyways. “We’ve all been friends for years and yet, the first person I want to tell someone something, is you, not Jaemin, or Chenle, definitely not Haechan, not the Princess of Mariethen, or Lioralis, not Jisung, no one, just you” 

“Really?” Mark asked, a little surprised, despite knowing this, it still shocked him to this day. How could that be possible? Mark is the first person you want to tell something to? How? Even though he felt the same way, hearing it out loud was a different feeling than knowing it without words. 

You could see Mark feeling happy about this, maybe too much that you couldn't help but tease him. “Renjun is a close second”  

However, that tease about Renjun didn’t affect him at all. Despite your light laughter, all Mark saw was a person shining so bright that you looked like the North Star they follow in the sky. “I also want to tell you everything, only you”  

“I wonder why that is” You replied, a sarcastic tone falling from you as you both knew the reason. 

“Me too” Mark replied, a shy smile on his face. It was silent, the comfortable silence that could last and not feel awkward. The two of you just looked at one another and it didn’t feel weird, didn’t feel odd, didn’t feel anything, but nice. Mark felt his heart stutter a bit, a skip in its rhythm that caught him off guard. He took a shaky breath, letting it out with a sigh. He looked away from you, following his gaze as he looked out at the night sky. “Haechan’s right, we do spend a lot of time together” 

You chuckled, going back to leaning on the balcony railing, Mark following your lead. “You’re the only one I tolerate” You replied. 

“Tolerate? Big word for you”  Mark pointed out, making you gently push his shoulder as he let out a chuckle. “I learned from the best” You mumbled out, knowing how much you tease him for his big words he uses that you incorporate his words into your vocabulary. 

So, anything else you want for your birthday?” 

“God, I don’t know” You groaned, thinking about the table full of gifts from people you know and don’t know. “I think I have enough gifts as it is. Did you see the table?” You asked, brows raised as you looked at him, your hand stretched out to gesture to the arch that led to the inside of the castle. Mark looked over, seeing the light stretch onto the balcony you both were on, hearing the soft tune of the orchestra playing and the gentle hums of laughter and voices. 

“Tables, there was more than one” Mark corrected you, smirking at how you reacted with your face falling. 

“Really?” You asked, looking horrified at the discovery. You closed your eyes like you were in pain as gifts weren’t something you were too fond of. Of course you loved gifts, they were a sweet gesture, but you aren’t a materialistic person. Being given gifts was an uncomfortable situation for you, you don’t know why, but it was. “Oh, no, I blame Haechan” 

“What did Haechan do?” Mark asked through his giggle, watching you be in agony over the mere thought of having tables filled and piled high with gifts from people. 

You shrugged your shoulders, turning around to lean back on the railing, your back facing the kingdom as you looked back at the archway leading to the inside of the castle. “I don’t know, but he did something, I know it” 

Another space for silence bubbled between you two. You staring off into the distance, your future slowly creeping up in your mind. The idea of growing up was so abstract, so far off in the distance that it felt imaginary and dreaming about the future was so grand. You could be anything in the future, but you wanted to be a great Queen, you wanted the grand balls, the crown, the life, and the Kingdom you were about to inherit. That was the future you dreamed about, that and that when you were Queen you’d make everyday national candy day. But the other thing you always saw was Mark next to you, it was an innocent thought you'd have as a child before falling asleep. You’d imagine the future, you as Queen in your too big dress and a heavy crown and Mark being right there with you. In what way? You never thought about that, but you knew he would be in whatever Mark way he’d be. 

Mark also saw you in your future. Even as a quiet kid when he first met you, he knew you’d be with him for a while. However, he didn’t think that would actually happen. After years of friendships and petty arguments, you were still here with him, by his side and him by yours. It was weird to think about, to look at it through an outside perspective, years and years of friendship and still not falling out? Even then, why you two? Why were you and Mark best friends out of everyone? You had frequent meetings with the other Kingdoms, tradition to keep the peace that all Kings and Queens would meet and their children would bond, growing relationships that were surface level and yet, you and Mark were stuck to the hip. You both went to every birthday party of the Princes and Princesses, talking with them, bonding with them, and being friendly with them. However, those connections weren’t as strong as yours and Marks, it was cosmic, something deeper and so you two remained close. 

But futures were weird, they used to be so far away and suddenly, you're in it. Eighteen years old and the future doesn’t seem so abstract or covered in glitter. It was dim, a clear path, one that has been mapped out for you since your birth and you’re just now getting the rule book. However, at least one good thing remained, your connections with the people you grew up with. Your younger sister, your parents, and of course, Mark. 

“You really don’t want to get courted?” Mark asked, breaking the silence as the idea now started to confuse him. You didn’t want anyone to court you? Why? What was so wrong with the idea of being courted? Maybe it was the people who were proposing to court you? Would you have this reaction if he were the one to court you? Woah, wait, that is not a thought he should be having because now all he felt was a burning sensation in his stomach when that question passed his mind. 

“Why would I want to be courted when you take up all my time?” You asked, a tease that made Mark;s heart stutter again. That has happened more than he’d like, weird. 

Mark decided to tease you back, mostly in effort to calm his speeding heart rate. “You love it when I take up your time” 

“Wouldn’t want it any other way” 

“Jesus, Haechan is right” Mark breathed out, tensing his shoulders as your words made him think twice. “We sound like an old married couple”

“Don’t old married couples argue all the time?” You asked, knowing that the comparison didn’t exactly work. 

Mark rolled his eyes, the easy conversation continuing to flow despite changing subjects. “An old married couple that still love one another”

“What? An argumentative old married couple still be in love with one another” You pointed out. 

“Are we really arguing about old married couples right now?”  

You jokingly rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest. “You’re the one who brought it up” 

“Fine, fine, let's talk about something else” 

You two began humming, trying to think of another topic to discuss when one hit your mind. “Oh, the Princess from Lioralis has a crush on you”

“What? Which one?” Mark asked, instantly perking up, which you took as an interest in the eldest daughter. At first you didn’t think much about his body language, but you questioned if he had a small crush on her. You wouldn’t be surprised, they knew each other their whole lives and whenever they interacted, it was friendly, maybe too friendly that it was like you and Mark. Odd. 

“Second child” You brusted his bubble after being brought back down to Earth when the second thought hit your head that you probably shouldn’t be thinking this about Mark. Mark couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, his hand coming up to hide his laughter. “Don’t laugh! She’s sweet!” 

“Shes like fourteen!” You exclaimed in her defense, smacking Mark’s shoulder a bit harder this time. “It’s sweet! Besides, she told me, she was like, you sure Mark isn’t courting you? And I’m like ew, no, that’s gross, and so she's like--” 

“Wait, me courting you would be gross?” Mark asked, interrupting your explanation. His question caught you off guard, making your eyes widen a bit as he stared at you with such intensity that it almost seemed like he was waiting to hear you say that it wasn’t weird, not at all. 

“Well, y-yeah. ‘Course it would be, it'd be like if Haechan courted me” You stuttered out, trying to come up with something and settled on a comparison with Haechan. 

“Did you just compare me to Haechan?” 

“What? No? No!” You exclaimed when Mark gave you a look that he didn’t believe you. “it's just, I’d be flattered, but like, it wouldn’t work out” You explained, avoiding his gaze as you cleared your throat. 

“How do you know that?” Mark asked, his voice gentle and quiet, like he wanted to shift the atmosphere from a joke to an honest conversation. Why? Why was he pressing you on this? 

“I don’t, but I think it wouldn’t work out” You confessed, your voice small like your confidence in your answer. Honestly, you never thought of Mark that way, courting you, loving you in a way more than a friend. It felt illegal to think that way so you never did and it didn’t bother you. However, now, your brain is working fast, zooming through scenarios between your and Mark and courting. How in hindsight, you two would work. You and Mark have an understanding of one another, a connection that went deeper than a normal friendship and you see him in your looming future. It would work, hypothetically of course, because at the end of the day, you and Mark were just friends. 

Mark could feel your awkwardness, but one thing about Mark, he’ll always make it more awkward with that mouth of his that speaks before his brain. “I think we would work” 

Your eyes widened, your face burning with heat. “You’re crazy” You mumbled out, a nervous chuckle leaving your lips while you shook your head in disbelief. 

“I’m serious!” Mark exclaimed, wanting to defend his thinking. “Like in a hypothetical way, if I courted you, I think you’d fall for me, I’m very romantic” 

You looked over at him, tilting your head at him. “I’ll believe it when I see it” 

“So you do want me to court you?” He asked, even though it sounded more like a statement of truth. Did you want that? In a hypothetical way, would you want Mark to court you? 

“Don’t twist my words around” You mumbled out, looking away from him. 

“Whatever” Mark shook his head, looking away from you as you both resumed your gazes to the inside of the castle. “Well, if we’re talking about crushes, I think Haechan has a crush on you” 

“Haechan has a crush on everyone, even you” You brushed off, knowing that Haechan was a soon to be play boy. One day, when he’s older, he’d have every girl and boy wrapped around his finger. He’s a flirt with so much confidence you wondered if it was real or fake. 

“Yo, what?!” Mark exclaimed, standing a bit taller in shock at you saying that Haechan had a crush on Mark. “No, no he doesn’t” 

“Haechan’s a flirt, he flirts with everyone” You pointed out, assuring him with how flirty Haechan was with everyone that it had to be taken with a grain of salt. 

“Yeah, but not you, so I think he has a newfound crush on you” 

You shook your head, not believing a word Mark was saying. “No, he doesn’t, he’s still convinced we have a crush on each other” 

“Oh my, he thinks that so much, convinced Chenle of it too” Mark added on, remembering how teasing Chenle was to him when watching you and Haechan dance, egging him on to confess something. 

“Oh, God” You groaned, shaking your head once more. “He’s deluded” 

“You can say that again” Mark mumbled. Honestly, having a crush on you never happened to Mark, it never crossed his mind, never once made an appearance. Sure, the teasing made him wonder why, but it never prompted a oh, maybe I do have a crush on her. No, that never crossed his mind, until now. Seeing you dance with Haechan, it shifted something and now this conversation was making him nervous, making him breathe just a bit faster. “I don’t think we’d ever have a crush on each other” 

“Totally, never” You replied, an awkward chuckle being shared between you two as the air tensed up. “Me and you? Crazy” You sang out, clearing your throat as you noticed Mark didn’t say anything. “You really would never have a crush on me?” You don’t know what prompted you to ask that, you really don’t, but it came out, it just came out. 

Mark looked at you with wide eyes, something stuck in his throat as he struggled to come up with an answer. “Uh, w-well, I, uh, I guess not? I don’t know, I never thought about it, I guess” Mark stuttered, clenching his jaw as he took in a deep breath. “Would you ever have a crush on me?” He asked timidly, slightly scared to know the answer and he didn’t know if it was because he was scared you’d say no, or you’d say yes. 

“I never thought about it, I guess” You told him, your words echoing his. “We’ve been friends for so long and our dynamic has always been friends, so it just never crossed my mind” 

“Yeah, we really have always been friends, haven't we?” He asked a rhetorical question, knowing the answer would be yes. 

You smiled, remembering how when you thought about the future, you always saw him. “You know, as a kid I always thought about the future. Wondering what it would be like to finally wear that crown and be a Queen, be a role model or something. It was always so grand, so big and yet in the quieter times of thinking about it all, I always saw you” You confessed in this quiet moment between the two of you. No one else, no mothers calling for you, no men asking you for a dance, no one pulling Mark away for a chat, and no teasing from Haechan and Chenle in your ears. “You were always in my future Mark and I hope you still are” 

It’s like you both finally saw one another. Like it was you first and last time seeing one another, like this was the last gaze before the world ended. It was quiet, private, and different compared to your other deep conversations. It was a quiet confession, one you both had yet to acknowledge. Mark was rendered speechless, not because he didn’t know what to say, he knew what to say, but because he didn’t want this moment, this look, this tension to disappear with his words. He didn’t want to steal your moment, your confession with his own. Your words hung in the air, usually expecting to hear a response, but for once, you were happy that Mark didn’t say one. 

It was palpable, the tension, the atmosphere, and the damn connection you both had. It had shifted so hard that it felt like an earthquake. Both your hearts skipping the same beat only to fall in line with one another, your breaths slowly synchronizing as you borrowed each other's breath. So close to one another that you both didn’t realize how you were leaning in, sharing each other's space and closing that distance that once harboured friendship. 

You could feel Mark’s breath on your lips, the buzz in your body feeding off of him, and the rapid heart beat in your chest made your fingertips itch to touch him. You gently reached up for his face, timid and scared that a simple touch would bring him back and make him retreat into the comfortable space that held you apart. However, when your hesitant hand cupped his face, he didn’t retreat, he didn’t snap back into the reality you drifted away from, but leaned into it. Mark’s warm face leaned into your touch, his own hand coming up to hold yours that was on his face. That simple touch gave you the go ahead that you needed, finally closing the gap between you two, soft lips meeting gently chapped ones that tasted like the champagne he was drinking not too long ago.

It was soft, not rough, not hungry, not filled with a longing like you both yearned for this to happen, it was innocent. The kiss was simple, inexperienced mouths slowly finding their rhythm together, slowly finding their way and slowly connecting with this person they felt drawn to. It was like candy, a new kind of candy you weren’t sure about, but the second your tongue tasted that sweet candy, instantly you loved it. Dare you say it reminded you of your beloved Enchanted Forest, the soft breeze, the trees, the smell of grass and dirt. How when it rained, the air smelled like it, smelled like wet grass mixed with the scent of the flowers. It was everything good in the world and you honestly couldn’t get enough of it. 

As for Mark, to him, it reminded him of his wishing well on a gloomy day. You weren’t gloomy and the kiss was anything but gloomy, it was peaceful. Gloomy days were quiet and peaceful for Mark, especially by the well where’d he’d write in his journal, ponder about things, read books that gave him ideas or taught him new and big words to annoy you with, and it made his mind go quiet, even if it was just for a few minutes until he was called back inside. That’s what this kiss reminded him of, at his well, at his home. You were home for Mark, a comfortable and peaceful home he could come back to when his day was bad or good. 

When you both pulled apart, needing the shared air between you both, your eyes opened to see Mark’s eyes blown wide and they looked sparkly. They looked so shiny that you confused them with stars while what he saw was a glow. You were glowing, you looked alive and radiant. You were a sun while he was the stars. Maybe that’s how it's supposed to be. 

“I see you in my future too” He replied, a smile growing on his face as he connected your forehead together, his hand still on yours as you smiled wide, a chuckle leaving your mouth. 

“Best birthday present ever” You mumbled out, making Mark laugh with pride. 

However, that sweet and pure moment was seven years ago. Seven years had passed and ever since that night, you and Mark never spoke about it as the next day you both saw each other, it was awkward. Mark tried his best to act like nothing happened, talking to you like normal, but he seemed to bite his tongue a bit more. You didn’t like that, you hated that, hated how this kiss changed you both, changed your easy dynamic. Most of all, you hated how Mark acted like it didn’t happen at all. You wanted to talk about it, wanted to unpack it and see where it could take you. You knew your heart had shifted with Mark, you honestly assumed it also shifted his, but now you thought otherwise. 

So, you equally bit your tongue, continued on like normal and eventually, after what felt like years, when it was actually four months, you and Mark were normal again. Well, as normal as you both could be. But, four months turned into a year, which turned into four, then six, and now it’s been eight years since that night. You and Mark are different now, older, wiser, and responsible. You both aren’t impulsive teenagers anymore, you’re adults now getting ready to actually be Kings and Queens. Mark had been crowned King a year prior, twenty six and is now King of Eloweth. You were twenty five, just of age to be crowned and suddenly it terrified you. The dream and the pride you once had was fading away as your coronation loomed over your head. Not only that, but, you are twenty five and have no husband, no children to be your successors to continue to the royal bloodline. 

Marriage was still an option, but the window of opportunity was closing. Society expects women to be married by an early age, twenty one to about twenty three and by then you’re expected to have a child within that year of marriage. More pressure was put on you due to being a woman, seeing as Mark had no rush to get married and hardly had any thoughts about it. You, however, needed a husband. Your mother even integrates that talk with you, bringing up potential bachelors. “Prince Xiaojun of the Southern Isles is single” She’d say, or "Remember how King Taeyong’s wife died a couple years ago? Heard he’s looking for a new wife” So many mentions of Kings and Princes from far away lands and you were growing tired of it, annoyed by the subtle mentions and annoyed by how you knew what you had to do in order for your Kingdom to remain for centuries to come. Suddenly, the idea of being Queen no longer felt freeing, it felt bounding. 

“Come in” You announce, hearing the familiar knock of one of the guards at the door. Opening it up, you turned your head over your shoulder to see the guard walk in a bow before standing up straight. “The King of Eloweth is here to see you my future Queen" 

You signed, looking down at the seamstress who was working on your coronation gown. She was working tirelessly, adding the finishing touches to your gown for your coronation later tonight. “Doesn’t he know I’m busy?” You asked, not expecting a response from the workers. 

“And don’t you know that it took me three days to come here for your Coronation?” Mark asked, appearing in your room as you saw him in the mirrors. 

You gently shook your head, disapproving of his poor timing. “I’m in a fitting, Mark. Can’t this wait?” You asked, your voice calmer and more mature. 

“I can see you’re in a fitting, but come on, Princess. I haven’t seen you in a while” 

“You’re King, you have more pressing matters to attend to” You pointed out, a small understanding smile on your face. “But, I am happy to see you” 

“Me too” He replied, a smile growing on his face as that familiar and now comfortable tension grew between you two. The seamstress tensed up as she looked up as her gaze looked between the both of you. Your tension with Mark has been growing and simmering for seven years, seven years of stolen glaces, subtle jealousy, and a quiet knowing that you two were more than friends, but never spoke about it. It was a mutual agreement now, don’t bring up and kiss and don’t bring up the tension. “You look--the dress is beautiful” 

You looked down, the heavy and tight corset of a light green trailed down with layers and layers of fabric, white and green, light and dark, it reminded you of Caliriel. Caliriel was so green, so in tune with the Earth that it only ever felt right to dress in such colors the way Mark dresses in a dark royal blue that speaks to Eloweth wishing well and the river that connects it to Velendra. 

“Well, Miyeon has done an amazing job” You complimented the young seamstress. 

“Thank you, your highness” She thanked, her voice nervous as she was still getting used to her new job at the castle. 

“Is Haechan coming to your Coronation? Or is he busy flirting with every maiden on the planet?” Mark asked, going to your bed to take a seat, messing with your pillows. 

Rolling your eyes, you looked at Mark through the mirror as you continued to remain still for Miyeon. “Yes, Haechan is coming to the Coronation, he sent me a letter begging to be first on the list” 

Mark perked up at that information. “Did you?” He asked, hoping that he was the first on the list, not Haechan. 

“No, of course not. I’m not going to inflate his ego” You denied, not wanting Haechan to grow a bigger head than he already has. 

“Whos first on the list?” Mark asked, his voice full of hope that it was him out of everyone. 

“Renjun” You replied quickly, making Mark groan as you laughed at him. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding! It’s you, of course it’s you. My best friend gets privileges of being first on the list and totally not because you’re the first one of us to be King” You whispered that last part, hoping he didn't hear. 

“I heard that!” Mark exclaimed, hearing your whispering words. “Me being King doesn’t change everything” Mark mumbled out, knowing that it did, it changed everything. He was busier, tending to his people more, hearing their problems and trying to find a solution, finding more peace between neighboring Isles and far away kingdoms for trading goods. It was a lot and you could see the stress in his shoulders and his face.

“Mark, it changed everything” You replied, sounding sympathetic. “You’re King, your people need you so much, you are their way of survival. They depend on you”

“My mother has told me that you’re looking for a husband now” Mark brought up, changing the subject as he didn’t feel like discussing his inner turmoil about the royal life right now. Not when it’s your Coronation day. 

You looked down in embarrassment as his words made it sound like you were desperate. “Yeah, I kind of am” 

Mark furrowed his brows, confused by the sudden shift in your stance on marriage. “Why? You’re still young” He stated something you already knew. 

“I’m not, not to society at least. I need a husband and I need children to continue my family bloodline” You explained, not expecting him to understand, but expecting him to accept this fact. 

“Marriage is supposed to be for love, not some obligation” Mark told you with a stern voice that was steady and strong, like he knew he was right. The worst part was that he is right, marriage is supposed to be about love, not some contractual agreement. 

“You don’t understand” You mumbled out, shaking your head as you turned around in your Coronation dress that made Mark’s breath run out. “My mother had me at nineteen, my sister at twenty one, she was crowned Queen at twenty three and I was four years old at that time. I’m twenty five, no husband, no children, and no future if I don’t continue the royal bloodline” 

Mark stood up from your bed, walking towards you with such determination for you to let go of societal pressures and be your own person again. “You don’t have to be like your mother or like any other women in society. You can get married whenever you want, have children at whatever age you want. It’s your life, not societies” He preached, his body invading your personal space bubble and the tension bubbled over like you were the only two in the room. 

But you weren’t. Mieyon cleared her throat, making you break eye contact with Mark to look at her. “I’m sorry to interrupt your highness’ speech, but the Coronation is in ten hours and I still need to finish this gown”  

“Of course, Mark was just leaving” You announced his departure, looking at him with no emotion on your face. One thing about you, your pride and stubbornness never grew out of you. 

“I’ll see you at your Coronation" He replied, taking a bow before leaving your room. 

You signed, thoughts filled with the Coronation and marriage. “Your highness, may I speak?” 

“You may” 

She paused, thinking about her words before asking another question. “May I speak candidly?” 

You furrowed your brows, looking down at her as she continued to sew in the embellishments. “You may” You replied, a little suspicious with what she was going to say. 

“You and King Mark, you’re best friends, correct?’ She asked, you hummed with a curt nod of your head. “May I just say, best friends don’t look at each other the way you two look at one another” 

You tensed up, the flashbacks to your eighteenth birthday flooding your mind. The kiss, the moment of confession, the hypothetical you both spoke about that theoretically, you both would be perfect for one another. It’s an odd thing to feel this kind of love for your best friend that is blurred between platonic and romantic. You love Mark so much that your love for him was borderline insanity. It felt like an aggression inside of you whenever you and Mark hung out as adults. The conversations were deeper, sexier with innuendos of his own escapades with women as Haechan tried to push him out there. The conversations were filled with this tension as you both got more toxicated, his cheeks were flushed red and his lips looking softer ever since you introduced him to a lip treatment your maids cooked up for you, and is hair was always so perfectly tousled after taking off his crown and running a hand through it. He was this enigmatic person that was pulling you deeper and deeper into his ground. 

“It wouldn’t work” You lied, your voice coming out sweet and sad, a melancholy feeling that Miyeon saw so clearly.

 A longing in how you avoided your gaze for her to not see the subtle pain the thought that Mark wasn’t yours and wouldn’t be because you both never spoke about it. Both are so terrified to speak about it because if you did, it would become real and the realer it is, the more it would hurt when the relationship failed and your hypothetical would be wrong. And you’re both cowards, scared of the unknown and scared that if you speak about these unknown feelings because none of you knew if they still lingered in one another. What if Mark confessed and you don’t feel the same, or what if you confess and he says no. Feelings can grow out of people, you’re both terrified that you outgrew one another. 

“Besides, Mark isn’t exactly husband material. He’s brash, unfiltered and well, he’s Mark” You replied, standing up taller as your hands gently felt the material of your gown, trying to ground yourself. “I must find a husband worth something, an agreeable one, preferably quiet, sweet, and kind. Maybe one who understands and listens, and of course have a love for the forest we have” 

“Sounds like Prince Jaemin from Velendra” Miyeon mumbled out, a smile on her face as she remembered the young Prince from the neighboring Isle. 

“Jaemin?” You asked, a chuckle barreling through you as you recount your civil interactions with Jaemin. He was quiet, sweet, kind, loved his land with so much heart that it matched your own. Jaemin Na, he’s always been friendly to you, after all he is just the land over, right next to your Kingdom. You traded your goods with one another, were close, and were always civil. Your conversations didn’t go deeper than scratching the surface, but anyone could tell that he was intelligent and carried himself well. “Jaemin” You mumbled a bit clearer, not with laughter, not with question, but with conviction. 

Soon enough, the throne room was filled to the brim with every royal highness and several trusted King appointed civilian trustees. Their loud murmurs and whispers filled you with anxiety as you stood behind the two double doors. You felt your palms get sweaty, your heart beating fast and your mind racing with several different scenarios about you you can trip and fall, maybe you’ll miss a step when going up to the throne, or maybe you’ll drop your orb and it’ll make a loud noise, or maybe your scepter will slip through your fingers, you don’t know what, but you were terrified to make yourself a fool. 

“Hey, they’re gonna be ready in a couple minutes” Your sister said, coming up to you in her own dress that was calmer in tone. She noticed how you didn’t respond, didn’t even look at her and was just pacing around like you did during your Unveiling. “Hey, you okay? You look like you’re gonna pass out” 

“Oh, do I?” You asked, a little out of breath as you tried to calm down, stopping your pacing to close your eyes and breathe. “What if I make a fool of myself?” 

“You won’t make a fool of yourself, you never do” Your younger sister said, her reassuring words hitting you, but that panic still remained. She called your name, making you look over at your younger sister as she held your shoulders and stared at you. “You are going to be the best future Queen of Caliriel this Kingdom has ever seen. You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re kind and you’re everything sweet in the world. You got this, and if you do fall, I’ll be sure to remind you every year on this day” 

You remained silent, the simple joke making you smile with ease. She returned the smile as you put your own hands on her shoulders as you looked back at her, finally back in your own body and not in some panicked reality where everything went wrong. Suddenly, your sister being all grown up hit you like a ton of bricks. She was older now, wiser, and no longer the silly little girl you used to play dolls with. She was her own person, twenty three years old and so young and yet, not so much with the way she spoke and carried herself. 

“When did you get so grown up?” You asked, making her playfully roll her eyes. 

“Five years ago when I turned eighteen” She replied bluntly, making you giggle as you stood up straight, your hands falling to your sides as she followed your lead. 

“Your highness?” A royal guard called, making you both turn around as he bowed to you both. “They are ready for you now, if your sister may join your parents please” He ordered. You looked over at your sister and nodded, signaling her to leave with the royal guard. He bowed as he began to escort your sister to the other entrance to join your parents. 

You looked ahead at the double doors, taking in a deep breath as the doors opened. You stood up straighter, your face stern and cold as you tried to show no emotion. Your breath was being held as everyone stood to watch you walk down the aisle, it seemed longer and further to the throne that awaited you with your parents standing tall and proud. You didn’t dare to look at the pew, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone here as you can hear the familiar whispers of Haechan and Mark. Haechan mumbling about something and Mark shushing him. 

You made it to the front, stepping up the steps to your proud father and the archbishop. You smiled at your family as you looked at the archbishop, bowing and waiting for the heavy weight of the crown to hit your head. As soon as it made contact with your head, you felt it, you felt the whispers of Caliriel, the heart beat of the ground you walk on and the emotions of the people you now serve. Standing back up straight, the archbishop held out the orb and scepter of your Kingdom, its familiar detail of vines wrapping around the scepter and the way it glistened underneath the sunlight peaking through as you began to reach for it. It felt heavy in your hands, the coldness hitting you as it made you shiver. You took in a deep breath, turning around as you faced the people and the archbishop began saying the familiar all hail. The rest of the people echoed this chant as they cheered, letting out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. 

Turning around, you handed the scepter and orb back to the archbishop, smiling to your parents as they pulled you into a hug. “I’m so proud of you, my love” Your mother said in your ear, making you feel instantly relaxed as your father just said he was proud that Caliriel will have you as their Queen. 

Soon enough, the ceremony had moved to the ball room, you standing up on the throne as you watched everyone mingle and dance around with the familiar tunes of new music being played. You could feel someone staring at you, however, a new gaze that felt stronger. You tried to find it, looking around until your eyes fell onto Jaemin from Velendra. He smiled at you, a kind one as he lifted his champagne glass up towards you, a silent toast as he brought it to his lips. The action made you blush, a bashful smile growing on your lips as you looked away in an attempt to hide it. You bit your lip as you looked back, Jaemin smiling as he felt proud that he got you to smile. 

He began moving, taking his steps towards you as he had a mission in mind. Jaemin was in dire need of a wife before he was crowned King and he heard that you were looking for a husband to marry. To be honest, it was a good transactional deal, he gets a wife and you get a husband. 

“Your highness” Jaemin bowed, making you shake your head. 

“Jaemin, please, we’ve known each other since we were kids, you can call me by my name” You reminded him, letting him know that it was okay and that there should be no awkwardness in honorifics. 

Jaemin said your name, familiar to his lips and yet it all felt new. This new atmosphere that felt foreign to you as you hadn't felt this kind of tension with him, only with Mark. How was that possible? You and Jaemin have known each other since you were babies, little kids running around, chasing one another and now you are here, flirting with one another with glances and tones.

“You want to dance?” Jaemin asked, a smile on his face and just as you were about to respond, you heard a familiar cough coming from next to you. You looked over and there was Mark, looking between the two of you. 

“She can’t, uh, she’s dancing with me, right?” Mark asked, looking at you as you furrowed your brows, confused because you never promised him a dance. 

Mark looked at you with pleading eyes, practically begging you for a dance for no reason at all other than not wanting to see you have your first dance with Jaemin. 

“Uh” You stuttered out, not knowing or sure of what to say, but you looked at Jaemin and remembered the comment made by Miyeon. It sounded like you were describing Jaemin. “Actually, I’m going to dance with Jaemin first. I’ll dance with you later, Mark” You offered him a smile as you took Jaemin's hand as he led you to the dance floor. Mark followed you both, clenching his jaw as he looked visibly annoyed with this situation. 

“Markie boy!” Haechan’s familiar voice rang through his ears as he wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Mark didn’t say anything, continuing to look at you and Jaemin dancing, laughing and smiling like an annoying picture he’d hate to see in his castle halls. Haechan followed his gaze and it stumbled upon you and Jaemin. “You’re seriously letting Pinky Pie steal your girl?” 

“She’s not my girl. She can do anything she wants” 

“And anyone she wants with how she's cozying up with Jaemin” Haechan pointed out, sighing as he watched Jaemin pull you in closer to whisper something in your ear making you let out a loud laugh that caught the attention of other people around you. “Didn’t know Jaemin was a funny guy” 

“He’s not” Mark mumbled out, growing more annoyed by the minute, walking out of Haechan’s grasp to grab another glass of champagne. 

“She thinks he's a funny guy” Haechan replied, following Mark around the ball room, smiling and winking at potential girls to speak to. “Look at her, she’s laughing and smiling so much” 

“Yeah, I can see that, Haech” Mark groaned out, grabbing a glass from one of the people walking around with trays. 

“Why’re you so upset about this anyways?” Haechan asked, not confused as to why Mark was upset about it, he just wanted to hear it from him. 

“I’m not” Mark instantly defended himself, whipping his head over to look at Haechan who looked unfazed by it. “I’m not upset,” Mark said again, not as convincing as the first time. 

“Yeah, sure you’re not” Haechan stated, he did not believe Mark’s words, not one single letter that came out of his mouth was true. “But hey, at least she’s smiling with Pink Muscles over there, you know” Haechan said, holding his hands up in surrender, walking towards Mark and standing next to him, following his gaze that led straight to you. “Heard she’s looking for a husband, is that true?” 

“Yeah, said she feels the need to find one” Mark replied quietly, not showing an emotion as he carefully watched how Jaemin’s hands held you so closely, with such conviction that the tension was palpable as he could feel it all the way across the room. 

“Heard Jaemin’s looking for a wife” Mark whipped his head over to look at Haechan. “Yeah, he’s looking for a wife” He confirmed again, Mark looking back at you and seeing how at ease you looked with him. You hardly knew him! You both weren’t friends, you both weren’t close, hell, he didn’t even know that you still wish on the Wishing Well in Eloweth because you’re convinced that your wishes will come true one day. “Sucks really, one of these lovely and beautiful Princesses will be swept up by sweet and sexy Jaemin”

Mark signed, rolling his eyes at this news. How perfect, how perfect that you’re looking for a husband at the same time that Jaemin is looking for a wife. “Well, color me surprised, that’s perfect for them” 

“Match made in heaven” Haechan egged on, watching Mark’s reaction closely. He was tense, a twitch in his jaw, his shoulders shaking with how tight his muscles were, and his gaze wasn’t even on you and Jaemin, just you. It was softer compared to the rest of him, his gaze on you could never be mean or harsh, it was always gentle, like if he stared at you too harshly, you’d crumble. 

“Totally” Mark whispered out, flashes of you and Jaemin in the future passed through his mind. You in white, Jaemin at the end of the aisle, kids with a mixture of yours and Jaemins face like some sick and twisted happy family. 

And a sick and twisted couple you were, at least to Mark you seemed that way. God it annoyed him, how happy you looked speaking about him. After the Coronation you spoke about Jaemin, how you danced with him all night, completely forgetting about your promised dance with Mark. You also went on and on about how you both clicked, like despite not being close and only being friendly with one another, and only seeing each other a handful of times a year, you both clicked once you actually got talking. He was funny, kind, cared about his Kingdom and understood the pressure you feel with getting married and having kids. It was like meeting someone just like you, if that made any sense. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing yourself and that scared you in a good way.

“So, is he going to propose then?” Mark asked one day, you were both in his garden, walking the grounds slowly. 

Your eyes went wide as you paused your current explanation of your most recent date with Jaemin. “Uh, I don’t know. I’d assume so, but even he told me he was equally courting others” 

“Wait, he’s courting other Princesses?” Mark asked, completely perplexed by the idea that Jaemin could court anyone other than you, let alone confess that to you.

“Well, in his defense, he is looking for a wife” You defended, mostly because the idea of Jaemin courting other women didn’t bother you. Sure, you enjoyed his company and he was a nice guy, but the idea of him with other Princesses didn’t upset you. You didn’t know why, but you assumed it was because you’ve only known him fully for two weeks.

“And you’re looking for a husband, but you’re not going around courting other Princes’” 

“Because I’m the one supposed to be courted” You replied, your steps falling out of step with his. You looked at him like he was insane, why was he so agitated by that?  “It’s not my fault the other guys don’t want me, Jaemin does” 

“Until he finds someone else” Mark mumbled out, looking away as he watched how the breeze went through the bushes, making them sway. 

“Maybe, but I’m being honest. He’s sweet and kind. He’s a good person” You replied, so sure in your words that it made Mark feel this bubble of anger at the tip of his toes. He rolled his eyes, annoyed with how much praise you give Jaemin. “Yeah, and so is Haechan, but you don’t see me marrying him” He compared, making you furrow your brows at the comparison of him marrying Haechan. “Besides the point” You mumbled out, changing the subject from Mark marrying Haechan--to which Mark looked really embarrassed about saying--back to Jaemin “I have to do what’s right”

“And what's right is marrying him?” Mark asked, trying to understand you, however he was really trying to understand and come to terms with the situation. 

You hesitated, because he's right, that is what is right in your mind. If Jaemin asked for your hand in marriage right now, you’d say yes. You don’t think it’s out of love, but out of a common understanding between the two of you, you both needed one thing from the other so it worked out. Hypothetically, you and Jaemin would work. It would be transactional, of course, but you think you could learn to love Jaemin and you hoped he’d learn to love you later down the line. Right? 

“I am fond of his company” You replied, your words sounding so adult and so careful that Mark could have sworn it was rehearsed.

“You’re fond of his company?” He asked, echoing your words back to you to see if you’ll elaborate even more, or even realize how odd it sounded when talking about someone who is courting you. 

You furrowed your brows, confused as to why Mark was sounding like a pissed off person right now. Like he was judging you for wanting to find a husband and be a good servant to your people. It’s what you have to do, it’s your duty, why was he so upset about that? “Why are you acting like this?” You asked, stopping in your tracks as you looked at him with annoyance. “Like what?” He asked, confused at your question, stopping his steps to stand in front of you. 

You shrugged your shoulders, arms coming up to cross over your stomach. “Like you hate the guy” 

“What? Come on, I don't hate the guy” Mark denied, but you stopped him. 

“It sounds like you hate the guy” 

“I don’t hate the guy” Mark denied again, but you didn’t buy it. Mark signed, looking at you with a soft look, like he was finally giving into the idea of you and Jaemin. His shoulders falling and his face relaxing. “I just, you’re my best friend and I don’t want you rushing into something that is for life, this is for life” 

“I’m fully aware of the Mark, but it’s only been like two weeks since my Coronation, maybe someone else will come along” 

“Like who?” His question didn’t come out malicious, not to be mean, but a genuine question. No one else had spoken up to court you, not Renjun, not Chenle, not Haechan, no one, not even Mark. 

You shrugged your shoulders.  “Haechan, you did say he might have a crush on me” 

“Like seven years ago” Mark chuckled out, making the mood lighten up a bit as you smiled at him. 

“So, he doesn’t have a crush on me?” You asked, teasing the man standing in front of you. 

Mark groaned, picking up his feet as he started walking again, you following him. “Haechan is a man whore, he flirts with everyone and kisses so many girls” 

“I’m not hearing a no” You pointed out, laughing as Mark sighed in annoyance at how you were bringing up old news. You heard a royal guard call your name, pointing at the hourglass in his hand. You looked back at Mark who looked confused at the time limit you both suddenly have. “Oh, I have to go” 

“Where are you going?” Mark asked, brows furrowed. 

You gave him a small smile. “I have a date with Jaemin, he’s going to give me a tour of Velendra” 

“Haven’t you already had a tour of Velendra? Like when you were eight?” He asked, a displeasing tone coming through that you didn’t hear, but he did, he felt it too. You already saw Velendra, why take another look? 

“It’s honestly an excuse to just talk with one another” You came clean, looking down to avoid his persistent eye contact. 

“Is that all you guys do? Talk?” 

“Yeah, it is” You said with a soft smile, images and memories of yours and Jasmin’s conversations flashing through. The soft gentle laugh of his at a funny story you said, the way he’d give you his full attention when speaking, and how he’d always have a story to entertain you with. However, it was only a millisecond with the flashes of Jaemin as the rest were filled with Mark. You and Mark, the calmness of it all, the sweet whispers as you tried to not get caught sneaking around each other's castles as young children. Not to mention the shushes your parents would give you both when you laughed loudly at each other's jokes. “Kind of reminds me of us” 

“Reminds you of us?” Mark asked, his voice clear of any displeasure and filled with nostalgia. He didn’t even care that Jaemin reminded you of him, but the fact that you equally cling onto the conversations you have. 

If it’s one thing Mark enjoyed about your friendship, it’s the conversations. The mindless ones, where you go on and on about nothing, the silly ones that make you both laugh until your stomachs hurt, and the sad ones, the emotional ones that choke you up, but find comfort in one another. It was odd, even though you and Mark would speak for hours on end, eventually run out of things to talk about, the silence was never heavy, never uncomfortable, never too much. “Well yeah, all we do is talk too” You replied, chuckling as Mark gave you a tight smile. Clearing your throat in the silence, you gestured back to the guard who was waiting to escort you. “I gotta go, I’ll see you soon” 

“See you” He muttered back, his face falling as you walked so quickly to the guard, like you were excited to see Jaemin.

What was so special about Jaemin anyways? He was kind, sure, and understanding, and he’s a listener, and sure, he’s handsome and a sensitive soul while also having a hard shell to use when necessary. But that could also be anybody, so Jaemin wasn’t special, he was just as normal and as boring as they came. However, how boring could Jaemin be if he has your attention? Especially like this where you smile so fondly at memories between you and him, but then again, Jaemin’s so boring that those memories get swept away by the memories between you and Mark. So, really, who is the winner here? Because it isn’t Jaemin. Why does Mark even care about a winner and a loser? It’s just Jaemin, he’s harmless, right? 

“Gods, I’m a moron” Mark groaned out, putting his head in his hands as his crown gently hit his fingers. 

“You really are” 

Mark gasped in shock, jumping at the voice of one of his closet guards, Johnny. “Johnny, you scared me”

“I apologize, your highness” Johnny quickly bowed, apologizing for his actions. “But Sire, may I speak freely?”

“You already do” Mark replied, sitting down on one of the stone benches as Johnny approached him.

Johnny sighed, looking off into the distance as he tried to come up with proper words so as to not come off disrespectful despite asking to speak freely. Johnny had the utmost respect for King Mark, especially when no one believed that Johnny could be a good Head of Knights, but Mark believed in him and gave him the position. Johnny promised himself that day when being appointed was to not only protect the King of Eloweth at all costs, but to be respectful to the man who gave him the freedom to prove himself. However, Johnny also knew that Mark needed someone to push him, and who better than his Knight. 

“You got to tell her you love her” Johnny confessed, feeling a bit lighter after telling the truth to him. 

Mark raised a brow, not out of defiance or offense, but out of shock. He was shocked, love her? Of course he loves you, why wouldn’t he? “Excuse me?”

“The Princess? You love her don’t you?” Johnny asked, more rhetorical than a genuine question since everyone knew the answer. 

“Of course I love her, she’s my best friend”

Johnny rolled his eyes, annoyed by the obliviousness Mark has when it comes to you. Love? Yeah he loves you alright, but not in a best friends kind of way that he describes. “Best friends my sword, you’re totally in love with her”

"You're going mad, there’s nothing between us” Mark scoffs, shaking his head at the mere idea that he could be in love with you. 

Mark wasn’t in love with you, he couldn’t be. You and Mark were best friends and as much as a broken record it is, you are. Friendship was all you two had ever known with one another, courting and marriage and everything in between was never a conversation, never a feeling, you two were just bonded. 

“What about that kiss?” Johnny asked, bringing up the infamous kiss that had such a good feeling in the moment, but a bittersweet after taste in his mouth. 

“From her Unveiling?” Mark asked, trying to act cool about it all, as if he didn’t blush every time he thought about it when falling asleep. “That was seven years ago, we were just kids then. It didn’t mean anything” 

“Then why did you write about it in that dusty old journal of yours?” Johnny asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You read through my journal?” Mark asked, standing up as he looked completely disheveled at the information. Johnny laughed at how Mark felt exposed. “Not cool!”

Johnny shook his head, watching how Mark was trying to keep his cool. “Oh no, I didn’t read through your journal”

“Thank Lords” He signed out in relief, knowing that Johnny wouldn’t lie to him, but still, how did he know about his journal? 

“Prince Haechan and Prince Chenle read it when they were here a few weeks after the incident and told me about it”

Of course that’s how he found out about it. Mark groaned, rolling his eyes as he took a seat again. “I’m going to murder them”

“You can’t murder them, Sire. It’s again the laws of the land” Johnny replied, like it was a script he had memorized. Which he did, he had to memorize all the laws of the lands in order to be the Head of the Knights for Eloweth. 

“I know the law!” Mark exclaimed, in complete distress that Haechan and Chenle read his super secret journal he kept in the second drawer of his nightstand next to his bed. Shaking his head, he decided then and there that he’d deal with the maniacs later. “Still, we were kids then. We did a stupid kid thing and we never spoke about it”

“Because you never brought it up” Johnny pointed out. 

“She didn’t either” Mark sassed back. 

“Because she was waiting for you to bring it up!” Johnny exclaimed, getting slightly frustrated with how dense the young King is. For a ruler of a whole Kingdom, he can show his age with how little he understands you. “Sire, with all due respect, you’re quite the idiot with women” 

“So I’ve been told” Mark signed out, his shoulders slumping. “It’s too late to bring it up now. Happened years ago and she’s being courted by Jaemin, who is perfect for her, clearly”

Johnny chuckled. “Her and Jaemin won’t last, your highness” 

“How do you know?” Mark asked, trying to come to terms with you and Jaemin heading down the path of marriage. Soon enough, Jaemin would go down on one knee and properly ask for your hand in marriage, then you’d meet him down the aisle. He tried to come to terms with it, tried to accept it and he’s already half way there in his opinion, but Johnny saying you two won’t last is making him doubt his own acceptance. 

“Because she looks at you like you’re the Wishing Well. So much admiration and whimsy” Johnny confessed, always observing the young King and young Princess when together. 

Ever since he became Head Knight who solely takes care of the King, he’s noticed how you and Mark interact. How you look at him with such magic, like he is the person whose breath and heartbeat you feel on your Kingdom lands. How Mark looks at you like you’re the one who will grant his every wish with a snap of your fingers. It wasn’t easy to not notice the soul connection your and Mark have, it was as clear as the water that surrounds you, as written in the stars as the ones your ancestors charted when they first discovered this land. You and Mark were everything, your friendship was blurred between friends and lovers and Johnny thought that that’s what makes you both so perfect for one another. How seamless it should’ve been, how easy it should’ve been to just court you.  

“She looks at me like that?” Mark asked, his voice calming down and no longer looking like a beat up deer. Doubt creeping into his mind of how much he thinks you like Jaemin. 

“I’d never lie to you, Sire”

“I appreciate that” Mark replied, taking a deep breath before letting it out. “So, what do you think they’re even talking about?” 

Johnny shrugged his shoulders with ease. “Something with zero substance” 

You and Jaemin were walking his lands, fields of green grass, the fog contrasted your own land that was constantly bathed in sunlight. It was odd, the fact that your lands were next to one another and such a different climate, like the land was speaking and showing different sides of itself. The air was warm, the grass was damp with dew, it seemed like such a far off land, like it wasn’t a part of the Seven Isles, it was its own little world.

“I forget how peaceful it is here” You say, breathing in the warm air as the sun briefly peaks through the fog. “It’s nice” 

“Yeah, it is” Jaemin mumbled out in awe, his own gaze admiring his peaceful and quiet Kingdom. Jaemin has always been proud of his Kingdom, always been the first one to talk about it highly, always speaks with a smile on his face like his land is so much more than hills and valleys. He spoke about it like it had a soul, similar to how you spoke about your land. “It’s been a while since you’ve been here. Last time you were here was what? Five years ago?”

“Yeah, I think” You smiled politely as the faint memory of it all came back to you. To be completely honest, you mostly remember it because you and Mark conversed in whispers when night fell, trying to keep quiet as everyone else fell asleep. “I remember it was for your twentieth birthday and you only invited me, Princess of Lioralis, and Mark” 

“Yeah, we ate and stayed up all night drinking the wine my mother only brings out for special events” Jaemin reminded, smiling fondly at the memory of you, drunken smile, giggly, happy, a radiant beam of light in his gloomy Kingdom and it fit so well. Jaemin remembers that night because of you, and you remember that just because of Mark. Tragic. “She got so mad, grounded me for five months” 

“She grounded you?” You asked, shocked at how a twenty year old man could be grounded. However, it made sense, his mother is a sweet woman, but so strict as well. It makes you chuckle, the idea of Jaemin being locked away in his room for a month. “So that’s why I didn’t hear from you in a while” 

“Yup, twenty years old and still get grounded” Jaemin joined in on your laughter, because it was ridiculous to think about. 

“What about now? You still get grounded?” 

Jaemin shrugged his shoulders, your footsteps falling in time with one another. “From time to time, mostly lectures now” 

“Me too, lectures everywhere” You complained, your ears hurting as the echoes of your father ring in your mind. “Make sure to do this as Queen, make sure to do that”

“Never let your people down, Son” He quoted his father as you did yours. 

“We really are neighbors, my father says the same thing” 

“So, what is it like being Queen now?” He asked. 

You paused, eyes squinting as you tried to think of what to say. What’s it like being Queen? It was a difficult question to answer because there wasn’t any. There was no answer, at least not a definitive one. “I don’t know, despite being Queen, I feel like nothing has changed” You explained, your words holding a certain weight that Jaemin understood. “My father still holds so much more power, still tells me what to do and what to say in his name. If anything, I feel like a speaker than a Queen” 

Jaemin understood you, knowing that his own parents still kept him on a short leash when he was first crowned King. It was difficult to navigate the new title when you still felt trapped by the shackles of Prince or Princess. King and Queen felt so freeing, felt so real, and yet it still felt like a box you were trapped in. It wasn’t until a heated argument with his parents that he found out the truth for their control.

“You are his daughter, maybe he’s afraid to truly let go of you” Jaemin pointed out, an observation that didn’t make much sense to you. 

“How so?” You asked, confused because your father, while keeping a short leash, always told you that despite him speaking to his people through you, you were still Queen. He isn’t King anymore because you are the new ruler and your word is final, despite him still convincing you to choose his words over yours. 

“You’re his little girl” Jaemin began, wanting to give a new perspective. “Suppose you have a child and that child grows up and suddenly, they aren’t that little baby you held, helped, taught, were there to clean every tear they shed, and now they’re suddenly a ruler” You

listed intently, eyes burning into his as you both slowed your walk as he spoke with such conviction that it felt holy. “I’d equally be a little afraid to let my daughter go without the reins of parenting” He finished, making you slowly come to a stop in your step, your brain working and slowly understanding the newfound perspective. 

“I guess I never thought of it that way” You mumbled out slowly, coming to accept the idea that your father. maybe, might not be ready to see you as a Queen because to him, you’re still his little girl that sat in his lap while he listened to his people’s concerns. You smiled, taking a step as Jaemin followed you. “You really have a way to put things into perspective” 

Jaemin felt himself blush. “I guess I do, I don’t know” He knew he was good with his words, knew he could think intellectually and deeply, it’s how he was raised. However, hearing that praise from you, how he could show you a new perspective, something you hadn’t thought before, it was a compliment he took to heart. 

“Do you ever think about children?” You asked, changing the topic easily as you didn’t want the conversation to end. Even then, you wanted to know. 

“Like having them?” He asked, a little taken aback at the topic change. You nodded, not seeming fazed or uncomfortable and it made him ease into it, feeling safe with this. “I haven’t, but I wouldn’t mind having them. I think that with the right person, we’d be great parents” 

You smiled, the image of Jaemin holding his baby, giggling and babbling at the silliness Jaemin would bring made you smile. “I think you’d be a great dad. You were raised by amazing parents, they were always kind when I met them” 

“Well, they love you” Jaemin confessed, making you chuckle nervously before denying it all, but he wouldn’t let you. “I’m serious! When I told them I wanted to court you after your Coronation, they were ecstatic. Said that you’d be perfect, that you are perfect. Told me to treat you right and if I didn’t my mother would ground me for a year” 

You both laughed at his joke, the tension growing as you gently made the first move, reaching for his hand and your fingers intervening together. “You better treat me right then” 

“I definitely will” Jaemin replied with such certainty that your connection shifted. No longer was it Jaemin figuring out who to marry or you figuring out who would come with a proposal. Suddenly, it was a known fact that when Jaemin asks for your hand in marriage, you’d say yes. 

“You’re back” Your younger sister said when you appeared at the front gate of the castle. She was walking around the castle grounds with a royal guard, observing the new flowers that were growing on the vines. “How was the date with Jaemin?” 

You smiled curtly, the reality settling in that your small moment with Jaemin wore off. “It was nice, always good to see Velendra again” 

“What about seeing Jaemin again?” She asked, a raised brow at how you chose your words. She knew you were careful when speaking, usually saying what everyone wanted you to say, so she knew something was up. 

You thought for a moment, a sudden tug of war in your mind. “Jaemin’s sweet” You replied, walking past her to enter the castle. 

“Sweet?” She asked, echoing your words as she followed you in with determined footsteps. You signed, wanting to head to your room and think about what you’ve done. “What do you want me to say?” You asked, waking up the grand stairs to the floor where your room was in the west wing.  

“Something other than sweet, that’s all you use to describe him” She pointed out, a call out on how you use such rudimentary words with Jaemin. He’s sweet, kind, nice, did she mention sweet? It was all so simple, so easy.

You groaned internally, stopping in the corridor to look back at her. “He’s understanding” 

“Understanding?” 

“A gentleman?” You said, more so questioned to see if that word would suffice her. 

Your younger sister cocked her head to the side and crossed her arms over her chest like she was interrogating you. “Why did you question it this time?’ 

“Will you stop that!” You exclaimed, getting annoyed with how pushy she is with trying to get something out of you. You took in a deep breath, your corset suddenly feeling too tight and uncomfortable with the attention your sister was giving you. “Jaemin is a good man, he’d make a perfect husband to someone one day” You said calmly, trying to be level headed. 

“To you?” 

“What?” 

“He’d make a perfect husband to you, not somebody, you” She corrected, pouting out on how you said ‘somebody’. That somebody is going to be you, you thought it when you grabbed his hand, you thought it when he said ‘we’d be good parents’ you thought it again when he told you he would treat you right. The worst part is, you knew he’d do anything right by you. “He’s courting you after all” 

“Of course” You replied, a little out of breath as you felt your words catch up to you. Your sister looked at you weirdly, a weird stare that felt like she was reading you like an open book, or a damn painting she was trying to figure out. “You’re staring at me weirdly” You told her, brows furrowed as you looked her up and down. 

“Am I?” She asked, her brows raising as if she was questioning you about how you questioned her for looking at you weirdly. Gods, your sister was very good at these mind games. 

You groaned, just wanting her to say whatever truth or revelation about you she wanted to share. “Yes, you are. Come on, say it” 

“Your highness, if I may” 

“Oh, shut up” You rolled your eyes at the silly title she teasingly calls you. “Just tell me” You gently hit her shoulder. 

Your sister had her mouth open, ready to say something, but her shoulders and face fell before she said anything’s “I can’t tell you with that stupid crown on your head” She grumbled out, your hands reaching up for your crown. “Makes you look too much like mom” 

“Fine” Your gentle hands grabbed your golden crown that imitated leaves and had five emerald gems hanging down. Your crown now was held in your hands as you looked at your sister with raised brows. “Out with it then” 

She signed, clenching her jaw as she prepared her confession. “I don’t think you enjoy Jaemin as much as you say you do” 

“What?” You asked, completely baffled at her words. You scoffed at them because how could she say that? Say it like it was a known fact? Like it was written in history books? “That’s an insane thing to say, of course I enjoy Jaemin. I think very highly of him” 

“Yeah, highly, not fondly, or happily, or even lovingly” She pointed out, using more personal words than something you’d say to a stranger. 

“Lovingly? We barely started going out a couple weeks ago” You told her, emphasizing how you only just started really talking recently. 

Your sister held her hands up in surrender. “I’m just saying, when you first started hanging out with Mark, you said you loved his company” 

“I was six!“ You exclaimed, growing frustrated with how she thought you didn’t feel as deeply for Jaemin as she supposedly thinks you feel for Mark. My vocabulary was minimal, it was either I love his company, or I hate it” 

“You said Haechan was a degenerate at the age of five” She said, her lips pursed as she caught you lying. Sure, you never use big words on a daily basis, but when you feel something, something deep and real and raw, you use those big and beautiful words Mark teaches you, or you teach yourself to prove yourself to Mark. “Your vocabulary was more advanced than you think” 

“That's-it’s-it’s not the point!” You stutter out, not knowing how to defend yourself when your sister feels so  confident in her words. You gently shook your head, it was an unbelievable thought to think that you don’t enjoy Jaemin’s much as you do Mark. “Mark and I are friends, just friends. Of course I love his company and think Haechan is well, Haechan, that says enough” You explained, wanting her to understand that you and Mark are never going to happen. “Also, I had hung out with Mark for a full year before I said I loved his company, and the word I used was adored” 

“That’s not helping your case” She replied sarcastically, as the word adore held more weight than love. You yelled her name, getting frustrated with how she was catching you in your words. Annoyance and displaced anger filling you up. Angry at her for how she twisted your words, angry at her at how she’s able to see right through you, and angry at yourself for not finding a way to get yourself out of this hole you dug yourself into. Sure, in another life it was going to be you and Mark, but it isn’t going to be this one. It’s too complicated, too much and too little all at once. You can never confess it out loud, how after your first kiss with Mark, you wanted to kiss him again the next day, and the next, and so many days after that. It wasn’t embarrassing to confess, it was horrifying, horrifying to know that you want to kiss your best friend, you want to hold hands with him, hug him for longer and do all the things you see your mother and father do. The longing stares, the adoration, the gentle touches of how your fathers pinky gently reaches out for your mother when they stand next to each other. That love was something you wanted to experience one day when you were younger, as you grew older the want expedited. However, when you kissed Mark, those wants came back because you wanted to do it with him. How scary is that? Because the next time you saw each other, he didn’t bring it up, he acted like nothing happened. Like your kids and feelings weren’t real, just a dream. 

“I love Mark, I do” You said in a quiet voice, like saying it out loud would be taken out of context or for granted. “But him and I? We can never be more than friends, he knows it, I know it, and you know it” 

“No one knows that” Your sister replied, her voice equally as quiet as your own. Like this confession, this realization was a secret that no one, but you two could know. You said her name gently, like a mother trying to calm their passionate child. Your sister wasn’t having it, after observing and watching and waiting for so long for you and Mark to finally get it through your thick skulls that you belong with one another, she couldn’t hold her tongue back. “So what? You settle for Jaemin thinking you’ll be able to fill that depressing Mark hole you have?” She asked, a look of disappointment covering her face, like she couldn’t believe her older sister, the one she looks up to, is using someone to get over the person she loves. “Jaemin is a person, not a replacement” “I’m not replacing anything or anyone!” You exclaimed, offended by how she painted you to be. You like Jaemin, you really do. You didn’t choose Jaemin because Mark didn’t choose you. Jaemin chose you, he had his fair share of women and today it changed and you knew he wanted you. You’d be happy with Jaemin, so happy and so fulfilled because it’s Jaemin. “Jaemin is a good person, I like him, I’ll eventually grow to be fond of him or even love him. I’m just not there yet” You confessed, knowing that your feelings for Jaemin were only creating a pond before harboring an ocean. “You can’t compare a young and naive child to an adult. I’ve grown, I know more about feelings now. I love Mark, but I like Jaemin” 

Your sister signed at your words, understanding where you’re coming from, but still, she hated watching this. “You just seem so happy with Mark” She said, her voice lingering with sadness. 

“You saw me at the Coronation, how did I look with Jaemin?” You asked her a question she could answer and see the difference between how you look with Jaemin versus how you look with Mark. Because not only did you think you looked at Jaemin differently, but you felt different things with Jaemin than you did with Mark. 

With Jaemin, it was cool, a soft summer breeze that tickled your skin. He was sunny, sweet, and cold. Coldness might be a bad thing to some, but to you it was crisp, like the morning when you wake up and your room is the perfect temperature to stay in the warm covers in bed and just bask in it. He’s comfortable, he’s like a not so funny joke, but when you think back on it, the joke turns out to be funny. You don’t know how else to describe how you feel with Jaemin, other than sweet. 

With Mark, it’s way too different. Mark isn’t cold, but he also isn’t warm. He’s a burning hot sun beating on your skin. Mark’s company, while enjoyable, is an all consuming experience. Mark takes up every space when you’re with him, it’s how it makes you feel, like he invades every single inch of your body and burns every inch of your skin. He’s like coffee, hot, thick, sometimes it sits heavy in your stomach, but you don’t mind it because it gives you a burst of energy. That’s how Mark makes you feel. 

“Lost, lost in some kind of infatuation, maybe lust” Your sister listed off, the word lust falling so easily from her lips. 

You looked down, your brain picturing yours and Jaemin’s laughs and easy conversations. “Jaemin and I flow, we have chemistry, he gets me and I get him” 

“The thing about infatuation and lust, they run out. Because with Mark, you look at him with a pureness I only ever see when mom looks at dad” Your sister confessed, her truth hitting you in your chest. 

In hindsight, she was right. Lust and infatuation fade as the rose tinted glasses begin to lose their color. Is it possible you’ll lose your color with Jaemin? No way, he’s the perfect choice for a husband, anyone would be happy to marry him, even you. Even you? The verbiage sounds like an interesting fact, something unexpected. However, Jaemin is the only person who showed interest in you, so might as well marry him. Does that mean that if someone else shows interest in you, you’ll deny Jaemin? 

“If Jaemin asks me to marry him, I’m saying yes. That’s final” Guess not, you’ve made up your mind. If and when Jaemin gets down on one knee, your words will be yes without a second thought. 

Your voice was so stern, so sure of yourself that your sister visibly shut down. You were lying to yourself, lying to others, lying to Jaemin. It was all a huge lie, or a coverup of feelings because of what? A marriage you needed? A reason to stay relevant in society? To appease it? It was sad to see, especially for your sister to witness. A younger sister looks up to there older sister, wanting to be like them, wanting to join them on every little thing to feel close to them. She remembers wanting a friendship like you had with Mark, the closeness, the comfort, the burning hotness you both had with each other. It was passionate, alive and real. Your sister wanted that with someone, and wanted to be like you. And now, watching you throw away your feelings in the name of an assumption that you both won’t work out so you settle for someone else? Not only was it tragic, but disappointing because marriage is a huge commitment, and to settle for someone? A real person who has real feelings? It’s distasteful. 

“Of course, your highness” She replied coldly, taking her curtsy and leaving you in the big and empty hallway. The vines that were once so green and filled with flowers now looked sad, lifeless and the vines losing their color. 

You signed, one of your hands coming up to rub your face. You shook your head, feeling heavy and gross. You turned around to walk to your room, your crown still staying in your hands rather than putting it back on your head. 

It felt weird, being judged for your choice of groom by your sister. Honestly, you’d be happy with any person she decided to marry as long as she was happy. Did you not look happy? Is that why she’s so adamant that you’re not being truthful and judging you on your choice? Jaemin is the perfect choice and it’s not like Mark is objecting to the courting. Why were you caught up on this? So, who cares if your sister doesn’t approve, you approve of it, Jaemin does, so do his parents and yours, kind of. Okay, so you and your parents really haven’t had the talk yet regarding your relationship with Jaemin, but to be honest, you’re fearful for what they have to say.

Would they equally be as unhappy as your sister? Or would they be happy and want you both to be married now? When they found out Jaemin was courting you, it was met with a simple smile from your father, saying that Jaemin is a good man and a sliver of excitement from your mother, saying that Jaemin was handsome . They were simple reactions, because to them, courting was a stepping stone because someone else can always come along. However, now you’re thinking about marriage with him and how you’ll say yes. That’s a switch up that takes time, but for you, it only took a matter of a couple weeks. 

Why the rush? Was society honestly pressuring you that much? Or was it all self-inflicted? Were you putting pressure on yourself because you felt your own time was running out? It was a difficult thing to answer, mostly because if you did, you would erase your feelings for Jaemin, writing them off as a result of your own pressure to marry. Jaemin would be a tool, not a human you felt genuine feelings for. You didn’t want to think of it like that, you didn’t even want to think of yourself like that, the kind of person who uses another because they feel the need to do something. 

But then again, you could argue that he is also using you as much as you use him. Jaemin was transparent with you, saying how he is looking for a wife, how he is wanting to marry someone. He’s said he’s courting other women, some from far away lands and others right here on the Seven Isles. So, couldn’t he equally be settling down for you because you’re the only one whose shown an interest in marrying him? Is he equally choosing security over passion? 

Cold versus hot is an ancient rivalry that still holds to this day. People love the cold and hate the hot days, while people loved and breathed the burning hot sun and hated it when it got below a certain amount of degrees. Could the same be said about love? How cold could represent the normality, the settlement, the peace and the predictable nature of love, while hot represented that passion, that grit, the complicated parts of it all that seemed so shaky that with every breath you felt like it was your last chance at love? 

Hot versus cold, it’s safe to say if you had to choose the perfect kind of weather, you’d choose scorching days over a freezing winter. 

“So, my darling, how’re you and Jaemin doing?” Your mother asked during dinner later that day. Her voice is quiet and soft. 

Your fork stopped licking at the food in front of you as you looked up at her. You gave her a small smile, nodding your head. “Fine, he’s a gentleman. I like him”

“You like him?” She asked, raising a brow at this. You hummed like it was no big deal, nothing new. “What do you like about him?”

You began to think, simple things coming to mind. “He’s a good listener, makes me think about different perspectives, and he’s just so calm and yet can be funny with so much ease” Your smile growing on your face as you listed these things off.

Your mother looked at you with pride, a happiness in her eyes as she watched you barely gush at the idea of Jaemin and his qualities you find yourself liking. You never expressed much interest in boys, it was never a topic of conversation and you never had a crush. Or at least a crush on someone where you knew it was a crush. Your mother knew you had so much love to give and so much love to receive, honestly she thought Mark would be that person on the receiving and giving side. Your mother watched you and Mark grow up, both your mothers predicting that in the future, you and Mark would get married. It wasn’t a far-fetched idea as you two spent so many days together, it was obvious you both had a deeper connection than most that they both hoped it would turn into love. However, here you are, prematurely gushing about a different man. 

“He sounds lovely” Your mother said, the food on her plate slowly disappearing as she ate away at the food the cooks made. “What about you my dear? Anything new?” She asked your younger sister who shook her head. 

“Nope, same old same old” She replied, her tight lip smile over taking her as she pecked at the food on her plate like you did. 

“Nothing to share?” Your mother asked, egging her on to create conversation at the table. Your sister shook her head again, making your mother sigh and look at your father sitting at the end of the table. “And you, my love?” 

Your father looked up from his food that was being devoured. He cleared his throat, swallowing his food that was still being chewed in his mouth. “What about me?” He asked, clearly not in tune with the conversation at hand. 

“Your day” Your mother replied.

Your father made a face of recognition, nodding as he tried to think of something to say. “Well, life as a retired King is treating me well. I no longer feel the impending doom that I will fail our people anymore” He chuckled, sarcasm oozing from his words. 

“Your sarcasm makes me feel uneasy with my new role as Queen, father” You pointed out, making the table laugh with ease. 

“Don’t be uneasy, my daughter” Your father said, reassuring you that everything is okay, that you are okay. “You’re doing great as a leader, carrying on our legacy with grace and pride, just like I knew you would”

You sucked in a breath, keeping in mind Jaemin's words and his perspective of things. However, you had to say something. “Speaking of, father, I’d like to ask you something” 

“Of course”

“I understand I’m your daughter and you want to look out for me, but is it possible for you to…” You trailed off, his hand putting down his fork as he realized this conversation was turning serious with how you wanted to articulate your words. It was a maturity he’d grown to know, he knows when you’re serious and lighthearted. Right now he can sense that you’re being serious. “How can I put this nicely? Back…off”

“Back off?” He echoed, you felt yourself internally cringe at the way your words sounded coming from him. He furrowed his brows, trying to wrap his head around. “I’m not following”

“Well, whenever I address our people or they speak to me when I’m out and ask me questions, you always tell me the answer and want me to strictly use it” You explained, your words coming out slowly and carefully. You could feel the tension growing between you four. You could feel your mother watching you both with careful eyes and your sister slowly observing with watchful eyes.  “I want to rule with the people, not rule with you”

Your father nodded his head, his face slowly hardening, not with anger or with discontent, but with a prideful look, one he used when addressing his people, it was one of a leader. “You forget I am King, I have been ruling far longer than you. I understand where you come from, however, I don’t want you to make mistakes when ruling, that is why I am guiding you in this time of transition”

“I understand, I just feel as though you have too much of a hold on me” You explained, feeling the restraint he had on you and your way of ruling. “I want your advice and want your wisdom, I just don’t want to feel forced to say words that aren’t mine” You pointed out, trying to come up with a compromise where he can have his input and you can listen to it, but you won’t use it unless you also agree with what being said. “I don’t want to be a cloned version of the King you once were” 

“We’ll talk about this later” Your father replied, a tense smile on his face as he felt his heart pound in his chest. 

“Father—”

He stopped you, his voice stern and low. “We will talk about this later” 

You feel yourself swallow your pride, swallow your words and swallow your crown as you remember that this is your father, the great King of Caliriel for years. “Of course” 

The rest of the dinner went smoothly, with calm conversation and speaking about the political and economic state of the Isles. Everything was fine, of course, no real issues since the early days. The tension between you and your father, it was felt, but not suffocating. You were both stubborn, it was a flaw you both had and it caused you both to butt heads. However, your father would be lying if he said it wasn’t one of your most admirable traits in his mind. Your stubbornness could be seen as strong, never one to back down from their decision once you set your mind to it. Your father found that inspirational, but also proud. He was proud because it was a trait you inherited from him. Anyone would say that you are your mothers daughter, both you and your sister are your mothers daughter's. You inherited her grace, her beauty, her courage, and all the sweet and peaceful things that melted all the cotton candy in the world. However, your stubbornness, your loyalty, your bravery, your pride, and your ambition to be the best Queen you can be, that all came from your father. Your father saw himself in you when those traits popped up, when your fathers personality peaked through, it made his chest swell with such pride. 

Even though most of your disagreements were because of how stubborn you both were, he honestly wouldn’t trade it for the world because at least he knows that his daughter can hold up her own. 

When dinner was over, you remained seated in your chair as your father did the same. Your sister looked between you both before standing up, bidding her goodbyes before heading to bed. Your mother signed, standing up before giving you both a glare.

“Please, respect one another” Your mother ordered, her gaze falling on your father. “Especially you, my love” Your father looked at her with wide eyes, confused at how he was the one singled out.

“What? Your daughter is the one who is stubborn!” Your father exclaimed, your mother shaking her head at him. 

“And where did she get it from?” She asked, walking over to him to plant a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Listen to your daughter”

Your mother gave you one last look of encouragement. You smiled at her and she walked away, you looked at your guards in the dining room, nodding your head to send them away for privacy. 

Your father took note of this and looked towards you, his hand gesturing in front of him. “Plead your case”

“Father, if we could drop the formalities” You told him, not wanting to feel on trial for expressing your opinion. He gently hummed while nodding his head. “I’m not coming to you as a Queen, I’m coming to you as your daughter, your flesh and blood” You said, heart pounding so loudly you could hear the rhythm growing faster and faster as you tried to calm your nerves. “I love you and I love your guidance, but like I said, it’s like you’re still rolling over the people and not letting me hold the reins. I’m twenty five years old, I read every book, I did every lesson, I aced all the tests and I’ve proven myself over and over again that I am a good Queen. I don’t want to be a puppet any longer”

“You’re not a puppet?” Your father denied, questioning your choice of words. He scoffed, shaking his head as he felt his pride get attacked. “It’s quite offensive to think of yourself that way and to think I’m some sort of puppeteer” 

“It’s how I feel” You replied. “I feel like I can’t do anything because it might not be what you want or what you might do. Father, you had an amazing reign, you ruled our people with so much conviction and everyone loves you for it. You were an amazing King. But I am Queen and I want to be better than you because I believe that in order for Caliriel to thrive, we must be better than the rulers before us” 

“I was just trying to help” He replied quietly, voice curt and void of any real emotion as he felt the familiar wall of being King building. He signed, quickly recognizing how his King facade was growing directed to his daughter, he couldn’t have that. His wall diminished, looking at his daughter with the kind eyes he gave her when he wanted to come to an understanding. “It’s not easy hanging over the crown so easily to someone who hasn’t fully grasped the responsibilities that is running a Kingdom”

“I understand that I’m new to all of this, but that doesn’t mean you should undermine my ability to be Queen” You told him, his silence letting you speak again. “You said it yourself, I will advocate for my people and keep the peace between the Seven Isles. So, please father, let me be that peace” You said, your hand gently reaching over to touch his own. 

“You really aren’t the young girl who begged for me to sing her a lullaby anymore” He pointed out, his eyes looking down at where your hand was gently resting on top of his. The memories of you as a young child, smiling so happily in your frilly dresses and crooked tiaras. 

“Yeah, I’m not” You replied, sitting straight, crown sitting perfectly on top of your head and your dress more elegant than the last. The person your father sees now isn’t the girl he once knew anymore, it was hard to come to terms with. “I still need you and want your advice, but I don’t want to feel forced to speak for you to our people” 

“I’m sorry, I guess I never realized how much of a leash I kept you on” He replied, the peaceful nature of his tone making you realize why Caliriel is the peacemaker it is. “It’s just, I look at you and all I see is that little girl running around the castle halls, giggling as she ran away from Princess lessons because she wanted to travel to Eloweth to see the Wishing Well, or to spend time in the Enchanted Forest and climb the trees” 

“I know” You nodded your head, understanding his view of you. “I love you father”

“I love you too, my daughter” He replied, making you smile as the tension died and all that was left was understanding and a mutual agreement that he’d let you be the Queen he raised you to be. 

“So, did you speak with your father?” Jaemin asks, his voice curious and filled with intent as he looks at you. He held your hand gently, his hands cold with yours, making your fingertips feel numb. 

“Yeah, I did” You replied, following him to the stables on his land. “You were right, he was still seeing me as his little girl, but he said he would take a step back and let me rule without feeling forced to say something I didn’t come up with”

“That’s amazing!” He exclaimed, your contentment with your father raiding off of you and onto him. “I knew he’d come around”

“You know everything, Jaem” You replied, a joke that was supposed to generate a chuckle from him, however he remained quiet. You looked at him, a pang of fear as he looked at you with shock, his silence making you panic that maybe your joke didn’t lang. 

However, Jaemin wasn’t in shock or silence because your land didn’t joke, in fact he intended to laugh with you, it’s just something else that caught his attention. “Jaem?” He asked, the new and unfamiliar nickname falling from his lips, echoing your own voice. 

“In, Jaemin” You corrected, add the second part of his name back in your speech. You felt embarrassment run down your spine, your neck heating as you felt your face heat up as well. 

“You called me Jaem” Jaemin teased, a smile growing on his face as you looked away, wanting to hide your heated face. 

“What? No, I didn’t, I called you Jaemin, silly” You brushed off, still facing away from him, but he just laughed, a simple laugh that made you look back at him. 

He seemed so touched, so enthralled by this little nickname that came so easily from you. You said it without a second though, said it as though you’ve said it so many times before, so comfortable with the syllable that it made his heart clench at the idea of hearing it again. 

“You so called me Jaem” He scoffed out, looking away from you as he suddenly felt a familiar blush reach his face. 

You shook your head, a light laughter falling from your lips. “I think you’re hearing things” 

“You’re so stubborn.” Jaemin replied, his shoulder gently bumping into yours as he continued to lead you through his garden to the stables. 

“So I’ve been told” You mumbled out, the stables coming into view as you looked over at Jaemin. “So, what’s the plan today?” 

“Well, I was thinking we could go riding in the Enchanted Forest” He replied, his hand gently leaving yours as he reached for one his horse he’d been riding since he was a boy. “You told me you’ve been wanting to go, so I figured we could go together” 

“Really? You remembered that?” You asked, a little taken aback at how he remembered and how he wanted to do it. Riding in the forest was always a pastime, one you slowly lost time for when you became Queen as that took up most of your time. You mentioned it off handedly, not expecting him to take note of it. 

Jaemin hummed, nodding as he opened up his horse's stable. “Yeah, it wasn’t that long ago that you mentioned it” 

“Jaem, I mentioned it like a solid month ago.” You reminded him, making him roll his eyes playfully, as if he felt insulted that he wouldn’t remember the things you told him. 

“Well, maybe I just have an amazing memory.” He joked, making you laugh as he opened up another horse’s stable for you to ride. He grabbed the reins, handing them to you. “Come on”

You grabbed the reins, mounting the horse as he did the same. Both of you began riding, not going fast, but just trotting around. The path to the forest was nice, it was enjoyable to see a different way to the forest than the one you’re used to back on your own land. Jaemin’s path was filled with rocks and pebbles, trees and fog that added to the magic in the forest. It smelled like rain and wet grass, it was a sweet smell you grew to love. 

Jaemin let you lead the way, following you where you wanted to go once you left through the gates and entered the green forest you love so much. The fairies zipping around, fire flies glowing and the critters running around and climbing the trees. It was beautiful, the laughter you and Jaemin shared while racing to get to the Four Brothers Rocks. 

You won, obviously, Jaemin trailing behind you as your horse slowly came to a stop. Jaemin slowed down, his horse letting out some noises as you both took in the view of the four giant rocks that were curved around one another and the Blue Lake that glowed so brightly. 

You signed, taking in the sight. “It’s so peaceful here, so quiet” You replied, getting off your horse as Jaemin did the same. 

He chuckled, tying his horse to a nearby tree, prompting you to do the same. “You really do like the quiet, don’t you?” He asked, his question more of a statement because he knew you did. 

“I love it” You replied with a smile on your face, slowly walking towards the lake. “It’s like when I’m in the quiet, it feels like time stops and I can be in my body and be here without having to worry about royal duties” You explained, the aftermath of the busy Queen duties catching up to you. You could feel the exhaustion, the stress and the pain you’ve accumulated in your shoulders after looking over so much paperwork. You bit your lip, sitting down on the plush green grass and Jaemin joined you as you both looked out at the lake. “I love my people, I really do, and I love Caliriel, but sometimes a quiet escape is freeing”

Jaemin hummed, his hand finding yours as he rested his hand on top of yours. You looked down at it, the coldness was inviting in a way. Usually, you’d want your hands to be warmed up, but Jaemin’s cold hands and nimble fingers felt more and more comforting. 

“Did you always want to be Queen?” He asked, looking at you with raised brow. 

“Not at first” You breathed out, an awkward chuckle leaving you when you began to think about being a kid. “I was a kid, so I didn’t understand the weight of it all. I loved being a Princess, the dresses, the tiaras, I hated the classes, but I also wanted less responsibility I guess?” You questioned, Jaemin nodding as he listened with such attention you’d think he had an assessment on this topic soon. You cleared your throat, beginning to speak again. “Growing up, I always knew what I had to do, who I had to be and I don’t know, I guess I ended up wanting to be Queen because that’s all I knew really”

“You didn’t have another aspiration? Like in another life, you would want to be?” 

You began to think and all that came to you was you and Mark, sitting in your library or his garden with journals and pens scribbling away with every thought you’ve both ever had on the cool paper that smelled so nice. 

“A writer maybe” You answered, nodding your head as you felt sure of your answer. 

Jaemin perked up at this, not expecting it, but also not surprised. “A writer?”

“Yeah” You mumbled out, chuckling as you remember having to ask Mark for synonyms for words as you didn’t want to repeat so much. “As kids, Mark and I, he always used big words and I always had to look them up because I didn’t know what he was talking about. I thought he was so pretentious and so annoying with that, but it got me to read more books and I ended up picking up his language and I don’t know, I ended up liking to write” You smile warmly ag the memory, Jaemin taking note of how almost every memory you’ve had starts and ends with Mark. It’s so interesting how intertwined your lives were to Jaemin, how much you spoke of him and how much you cared for him. “We both ended up writing together, silly little things, or essays because of lessons, but we also just wrote stories as kids. It was fun” 

“You and Mark really are close” Jaemin pointed out, not malice and no jealousy, just a pure observation that made you look at him with confusion. “I never fully noticed it until now”

“How so?” You asked, intrigued with how he got to this point. 

“Every conversation we have, he’s always mentioned”

You felt yourself blushing in embarrassment. Did you honestly bring him up that much? Did it annoy Jaemin? No, he didn’t sound annoyed, but his tone can only tell you so much of his inner thoughts. 

“Do I mention him a lot?” You asked, a short sitter in your words as you felt guilt forming in the pit of your stomach. 

Jaemin shrugged his shoulders, not bothered by your close friendship with Mark. “He’s been in your life for forever, I’d be surprised if you didn’t”

“Yeah, he really has been in my life for a while” You mumbled out, almost shocked by how long you’ve known Mark. Sometimes it surprised you, how much time you’ve spent with Mark over the past twenty years, other times it felt like no time had passed. Shaking your head, you took in a deep breath and looked at Jaemin with curiosity. “What about you? Did you always want to be King?”

“No, Gods no” Jaemin chuckled out, relaxing a bit as he knew that he didn’t want to be King and didn't want the responsibility of anything that came with it. He was born into it, it felt more and more like an obligation than an aspiration. “I hated the idea of becoming King, I hated how much pressure I had and how much responsibility I had. Don’t get me wrong, I think that pressure made me the person I am today, but for a kid? I don’t know” Jaemin explained, you understood his dislikes of it, understood the indescribable pressure and the amount of responsibility the title had. While other kids worried about exams over basic mathematics, you were worried about peace treaties and how to abide by them and even write them. 

“What did you want to be then?” 

“A doctor” 

“A doctor?” You asked, brows raised as he smiled happily at the thought he had as a child. 

“Yeah, a doctor” He reaffirmed, mind flooding with the familiar memories of running around with a stethoscope and checking everyone’s and everything’s heartbeat, even the inanimate objects, he’d check the heartbeats. “I wanted to help people, wanted to cure them in any way I could. But, as I grew up I realized that I could help the people by being King, I couldn’t cure them from illnesses, but I could help aid the doctors here with anything I can”  

You felt your heart skip a beat as his golden heart. His nature is healing, it was hard to deny, it was careful and clean. “You’re a good person, Jaem” You said softly, your body slowly and naturally leaning in. 

“Yeah, you too” Jaemin mumbled out, his free hand gently coming to cup your face, his cold hands making a shiver run down your spine. 

You felt your gaze look down at his lips, his own looking at yours. It felt right, felt like that peaceful nap in the middle of the day. Once his lips hit yours, sparks didn’t fly and nothing exploded. It wasn’t passionate, and wasn't filled with heat or hunger. You honestly thought it was lackluster. However, it was quiet, gentle, and so silent that it reminded you of Jaemin as a person. This kiss was Jaemin putting himself in it, giving himself to you with this one kiss. So, no, it wasn’t this new candy you were trying, it wasn’t home and it wasn’t even yours, it was his. You honestly felt guilty for feeling this way, knowing that it felt more like Jaemin kissing you than you both kissing one another, but that didn’t mean you didn't like it. You did, you liked the kiss, you enjoyed it. You love the quiet so you loved the kiss, it was like you’d done it a million times and maybe that was the problem.

Is it possible you’re too comfortable with Jaemin that it just wasn’t there? The sweetness of a candy? The smell of wet grass and trees? The simple breeze that was such a sweet melody when you walked through the forest? The smell of paper and books, how the dust tickles your nose but you didn’t mind because—no. Your mind can’t go there. It’s Jaemin, it has to be Jaemin. Jaemin is the quiet, the fog and the comfort you’ve grown to love about your relationship with him. You weren’t settling because it felt normal or because you felt like this was it. Jaemin is a good man, he’d make anybody happy, even with just a smile, that person feels important because that’s just how Jaemin makes people feel, even you. 

And yet, the kiss, it couldn’t compare to your first. 

“Come in” You voiced when hearing a knock at the door, your paintbrush grabbing more paint to throw on the mess of a canvas. Painting was a nice hobby you once had as a child, putting your feelings onto a canvas and watching the picture slowly come to life. Being Queen however, it made you drop several of your hobbies, but in the small moments you had to yourself, you either wrote, read, or painted. 

The royal guard that was assigned to you entered your room filled with your paintings. “Your highness, King Lee of Eloweth is here to see you” Yuta announced, making you look over at him in shock. 

“Mark is here?” You asked, your painting drying with every passing second you tried to remember if you were supposed to meet up. What is he doing here? 

Yuta nodded, his head held high when speaking to you. “Yes, your highness” 

“Let him in” You replied, watching as Yuta left your room only to reappear with Mark in tow. Yuta closed the door to leave you both with privacy, even though he could faintly hear your voice from outside the doors. “What’re you doing here? Were we supposed to meet?” You asked, setting down your palette on a nearby desk, along with your paintbrush in a jar of water. 

Mark shook his head, seeming so calm and yet so frazzled, like him arriving was a last minute decision. “No, but I’m not busy so I decided to come” He lied.

Mark wasn’t busy, sure, but he didn’t exactly have enough free time to make the visit to Caliriel. After all, it was a three day journey. However, Mark hadn’t seen you in a while, not since you had to leave to see Jaemin for your supposed date. Mark missed you and it wasn’t a crime to want to see your best friend, it equally wasn’t a crime to end your meeting with the King of Marithen because you claimed you had an important matter to attend to, especially if the King didn’t know that the important matter was seeing his best friend. But, that’s all besides the point. 

“You decided to take a three day journey to see me?” You asked, very much confused at how Mark could just up and come here despite his busy schedule. 

Mark shrugged his shoulders. “One and a half, I kind of took a horse here and you know me, I ride fairly fast” 

“I see” You mumbled out, your arms crossing over your stomach as you looked at him with a questioning face. “Is everything okay?”

“I haven’t seen you in a couple weeks, or heard from you” Mark replied, sounding a tad desperate since he felt as though you’d gone off the face of the Earth. No message, no meet up, it was silent in your end. “Got me worried, I guess”

“Worried? Mark, I’m fine”

Mark nodded, looking around the room as he grabbed the baoding balls you kept near. “Is everything going well with King Na?” He asked, his gaze fixated on the smooth balls rotating in his hand to fidget. 

“Jaemim?” You asked, dropping the honorifics as you expected Mark to do since you all knew one another for almost all your lives.  

Mark cleared his throat, finally looking up at you. “Yeah, Jaemin”

“Everything’s fine with him” You replied, confused at how awkward it felt talking about him. 

Mark nodded his head, mumbling small ‘Cool, cool’ under his breath. You slowly looked away from him, looking back at your painting as you tried to remember where you were with it. Mark noticed your silence and walked up to you, his gaze following yours tk the canvas and noting the familiar sight he was seeing. 

“You’re painting again?” He asked from behind you, his voice quieter now, making it hard for Yuta to listen in on.  

“I had a free moment” You replied, shrugging your shoulders as you stepped away from him, beginning to clean all your things. “I have a few duties to do in a few moments, so I don’t have much time” 

“I see” Mark replied, watching how you moved from place to place, cleaning your brushes and drying them with your smock apron. Mark looked back at the painting, noticing the familiar trees and the shimmering Blue Lake you both would visit when you learned how to ride horses. “You’re painting the forest again?” 

“You know I love the forest” You replied, turning around to look at him studying the painting. 

“That I do” He said, a small smile growing on his face as he looked at you with those brown eyes that reminded you of the night sky you both looked at. “I remember for a solid four years of my life, you always gifted me a painting of the forest every birthday” 

“Hey, you loved my paintings” You defended yourself, Mark humming as he looked back at the painting. 

“I did, still do” He corrected, making your heart do this weird flip and your stomach felt like it was falling. Clearing your throat, you continued on with drying your plant brushes. 

“So, why are you here?” 

“To hang out? Isn’t that why we always see each other?” He asked, looking over at you, confused as to why you kept asking him why he was there, as if he was an inconvenience to you. 

“Yeah, but we usually plan them out, why the sudden drop in?” 

“Can’t your best friend be spontaneous?” Mark asked, his voice rising in pitch as he tried to act cute.  

You raised a brow at him, shaking your head at him. “You’re not the spontaneous kind of person”

“Is Jaemin spontaneous?” He asked suddenly without missing a beat, it caught you off guard, but maybe Mark was curious about the kind of person Jaemin is. 

“Yes, but he’s also a planner” You replied gently, watching as Mark continued roaring the metal balls in his hand to ease his growing awkwardness. 

Mark remained silent, setting the metal balls down on a nearby table. Spotting the chair in your room, he quickly took a seat, relaxing as you continued your pace around the room. “Is he planning your engagement?” He asked, making you turn around, looking at him like he was a little insane to bring this topic up. “Unless, you’re already engaged”

You signed, dipping one of your brushes in a jar of paint water. “No” You replied, shaking your head. 

Mark sat up, your response catching his attention. “But you will be, if he goes down properly on one knee” 

You felt yourself go silent for a few beats, the reminder of how this courtship with Jaemin will inevitably end in marriage. You told your sister this, so why was it somewhat difficult to say this to Mark? You picked up the paintbrush, the dirty paint diluted water dropping from its bristles as it met your damp smock. 

“I’ve already decided that if he asks, I will say yes” You replied, not looking at Mark until the final words came out of your mouth. Yes, you will marry Jaemin and you’ve decided on that already. It was different hearing it from you, how certain you were. 

“You want to marry him?” He asked. 

“He’s a good man, Mark” Mark noticed how you didn’t say yes that time, just going back to your usual praise of Jaemin. It lost meaning the more and more you said it, at least to Mark it did and maybe also to you, you just hadn’t realized it yet. Or did you? 

Mark scoffed, not liking your answer as anyone can be a good man when raised right. “So is Haechan and you’re not lining up to marry him”

“I feel like we’ve had this conversation before” You pointed out, making Mark look at you with a blank expression, waiting for your explanation. “No one else has courted me so I choose Jaemin, or more so, Jaemin chose me. I’m happy with that”

“Yeah, but if someone else courted you, would you still marry Jaemin?” A new perspective opened up, one you hadn’t really thought of, but still, that wasn’t the reality. 

“Depends on who that person is” You replied, knowing that if someone better came along, someone better than Jaemin, maybe, you might marry them. But again, that’s not the reality. “I like Jaemin, that’s just how it is”

“But do you love him?” He couldn't help but ask. You were his best friend, the subtle worry of you not being in love with someone and marrying them? It scared him, that you’ll end up in a loveless marriage and resent your title and resent him, especially yourself. The last thing Mark wanted was for you to be unhappy. 

You felt your heart drop, the silence thick as Mark stared you down like you were on trial and he was the judge. “Excuse me?” You asked, perplexed at the question he asked you. Love? You barely missed Jaemin a few days ago and suddenly the question of love comes up? 

“Do you love him?” He asked again.

You scoffed, clenching your jaw at the absurdity Mark questioned you with. “Love is further down the line, but fondness? That’s right now”

You heard a gentle knock, signaling for Yuta to come in. He stood tall, feeling the tension, but feeling it simmer down as well as you were both interrupted. “Your highness, it is time”

“Time for what?” Mark asked, not ready for you to leave yet. 

“Royal meetings with some important people in our Kingdom. Nothing major” You shrugged off, taking off your smock and placing it randomly on a stool. You smoothed out your dress and put your crown back on.  “How do I look?” You asked, turning around to face Mark who got up from his chair. 

“You look prepossessing” Mark replied shyly, a curt smile as you felt the growing heat in your stomach you assumed was indigestion, not because of Mark and his too big of words that made you blush with ease. “You are prepossessing"

You chuckled, trying to play it cool. “I’m assuming that means beautiful?”

“You’re picking up my language” He smirked, feeling a bit flirtatious, but quickly cleared his throat before it went too far into uncharted territory. 

“I’ve picked up a couple more books” You pointed out, the easiness of conversing coming back. “I have to go, I’m sorry we could only talk for a few moments”

He shook his head, fully understanding your leave. “It’s okay, you have important things to do” 

“I’ll be back in two hours, if you’ll still be here?” You asked, prompting an impromptu hang out with him as he was already here. 

“I’ll always be here”

You smiled widely, Mark seeing it so friendly and never romantic. However, you bore all your teeth to him, a shimmer in your eyes, a pureness you only ever showed with Mark. “I’ll see you in two hours” You replied, having a bit more pep in your step as you approached Yuta who held the door open. 

“I’ll be counting down the seconds” Mark replied cheekily, making you laugh. The sound echoed through the halls and into the room, making Mark feel full with life. 

It was odd, the feeling you gave him when you did anything. It was gushy, sweet like candy and warm like fire. It was so much better than honey and so much warmer than the spring in Aurethiel. It was beautiful, the sound of your laughter filling his ears as it made his brain go all fuzzy. Everything about you reminded him of home, of the wishing well, the magic that fills the air of your land, and the wonder of life, the impossible questions to answer and the philosophical reasonings behind the world. You were an impossible thing to him, something he wants to figure out forever, despite him knowing everything about you, he wants more.

Mark Lee wants you. He hadn’t admitted it before, not until right now as he watched you walk away from him, laughing because he made you laugh, smiling because you knew he’d still be here in two hours. Mark did that to you and he wants to keep doing it until you take your last breath, even if he’s already buried deep in the dirt. 

Mark felt his smile falter as the realization that he wants you settled in. It doesn’t falter because he doesn’t want to want you, it falters because of you and Jaemin. Jaemin was your supposed future, at least in your eyes and Mark will be damned if he steps in the way of that, in the way of your supposed happiness. Even if you don’t love Jaemin. 

“You’re pathetic Mark Lee” He mumbles out, taking a lousy seat back in the comfy chair he got up from. Mark sighed, shaking his head as he couldn't believe his thoughts. 

Wanting you? Mark Lee never wanted you, well, he never realized he wanted you. When you both were kids, it was never a thought because there was no room for it. Kids were curious things, silly little creatures that didn’t have the compacting for the want of another person. All Mark knew was that he was enamored with your company and wanted more of it. You were best friends, it all felt platonic because again, you were kids and the concept of love and affection was foreign to you. You both just had a deep fondness for one another and everyone knew that. But then that stupid kiss you both shared, yeah, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing, but that didn’t make it mean any less. 

The kiss was innocent, inexperienced and sweet. It was so juvenile that even though you both expected the kiss to break you both up, it didn’t. Mark continued on like nothing happened and you did the same because what was the point? If both of you were too scared to say anything but also too scared of the aftermath and the potential falling out, why risk it? So, you both remained quiet and the subtle want of one another subsided. It was buried deep in your chests, locked away and it wasn’t brought up again.

However, that didn’t mean you both didn’t have your moments of romantic tension. How Mark would sneak glances at you when you didn’t look, how during his Coronation, you were the only girl he danced with, his hand lingering longer on your waist and pulling you closer than a friend should. It also didn’t help that you would write about him in your silly journal, small things about his smile, his eyes, his stupid dad jokes he likes to tell you, how he chuckles before telling you something new that he learned or found funny, or how he’d use new big words so much until they lose their meaning, only to find new ones to use. Small things you took note of stayed with you in your pages you kept under your pillow. 

Maybe you wanted Mark Lee as much as he wanted you, but you were yet to realize that, because Jaemin was still at the forefront of your mind. Even during those two hours of meetings, all you could think about was a potential wedding with Jaemin, how handsome he’d look, how cold his hands would be as his warmth tended to radiate in his chest. How you’d be happy, at least you think you’d be happy. Of course you’d be happy, anyone would be happy to marry Jaemin, anyone. But why were you questioning if you’ll be happy or not? This was Jaemin after all, it’s not like you were marrying Mark. 

Your marriage with Mark would fail as fast as him riding from Eloweth to Caliriel. You wouldn’t be happy, but how would you know if you didn’t try? You were happy with Mark now, the only difference would be a ring and a ceremony, and a kiss, and a consummate, and potential children. Huh, yours and Mark's kids would be cute—that’s not a right thought. You should be thinking about kids with Jaemin, a marriage with Jaemin, and yet, it all seemed fuzzy. It wasn’t clear like the imaginary marriage you thought of with Mark just now. How clear his face was, how clear the image of you and him dancing at your wedding ceremony and how clear the mixture of your facial features with his plastered on little bodies that run around the castle halls. 

That image was clear, why wasn’t Jaemin’s? 

When the meeting was over, yours and Mark’s hangout was like any other. Giggles, laughter, silence and quiet. It was peaceful and like there was no space between you two, no break, just a continuation. It was so fun, funner than you expected, dare you say you prefer your hangouts with Mark than Jaemin. Was it because there wasn’t the looming expectation of marriage? The ease of being with Mark because there was no ending? You didn’t know, with Mark it just felt right, easy, and not quiet, which is weird because you love the quiet.

Even in the silence, when there was nothing else to be said between you two, there was still noise. The subtle shift of Mark moving around, how he gently hummed himself, how you would sigh every now and then as you messed around with something. It was quiet, but not empty. It was full, small sounds and movements made the silence not deafening, but like white noise. White noise, you preferred it over the quiet. 

A few months passed and the new season was upon you. Spring was blooming, the grass was becoming greener and the vines were blooming new flowers that exuded so much joy and abundance. You and Mark were outside in his garden, a blanket on the plush green grass as the Wishing Well echoed your past and future wishes. You were writing down in your journal about the previous day where you went on a date with Jaemin and how you could feel a proposal in your future soon. You smiled to yourself at the idea, the idea of marrying Jaemin, the idea of being his wife. It was a nice idea to picture. 

Mark caught you smiling at your journal, he was writing too, mostly about his duties of being King, but he was mostly watching you write. After realizing how he wanted you in a way that went deeper than friendship, he began to analyze every single situation where he was with you. Even from the beginning of your friendship as kids, he over analyzed it. He began to think, when exactly did he end up falling so deeply into you? And how? 

Mark came up with no conclusion, no set date or moment of when he ended up wanting you and no real reason as to how this happened. All he knew was that you were best friends and he always wanted you around, loved your presence and was enamored by your peaceful existence. How you crinkled your nose when you didn’t like something, how you always stay true to yourself and your decisions, you don’t back down, your stubborn, but he finds that as a power rather a weakness or a negative trait, and he finds your sensitivity to your Kingdom and the way you treat Mother Earth so inspiring. Mark loves you, he always has, and at some point in time that love turned into something so deep that it felt like you were running through his veins, you were in him and without you, the world felt obsolete. 

Every interaction, every lingering glance he gave you, every time he replayed that kiss in his head before sleeping, it all meant something. Your first kiss meant something to him, but he was so scared, he was only nineteen and so scared of what you would say, if you would reject him, or worse, say it didn’t mean anything because it meant the universe to him. You meant the universe to him, every smile you had, it was a new star in the sky, every laugh, a new planet in the solar system, every cry, it was a black hole and every single time you said the words ‘I love you’ a supernova. Even if those words were platonic, he took them to heart. You were Mark Lee’s universe and that scares him, even more so because you weren’t his, you were Jaemin’s now. You were Jaemin’s universe. 

“What’re you smiling about?” Mark asked, a teasing tone as he felt a smile reach his lips as he thought, a deluded thought, that maybe you were writing about him. 

You looked up at him, chuckled as he caught you. You were sitting up, leaning against the bricks of the well as he laid on his side propped up on one arm. “I’m writing  about my date with Jaemin” 

Mark felt his heart plummet, the flutters disappear as disappointment and reality hit him like a truck. Of course you were, why was he thinking otherwise? It was Jaemin you wrote about now, Jaemin you wished to see now and Jaemin’s presence you craved. However, their was one straw that Mark gripped with his two hands, Mark’s name was the only name you’ve whispered in the Wishing Well. 

“Yeah? What about it?” Mark asked, trying to be supportive, but his heart tugged at the idea of you and Jaemin being happy. 

God he hated it, he hated it so much. He felt jealousy, something he had yet to deal with or acknowledge. Mark wanted to be happy for you, he really does and he was, back when he didn’t realize how he felt about you. However, everything is different now because his realization was only in his head. Mark had yet to say it out loud, that he loves you so much more than a friend. It was one thing to say it in your head, it was another to let the words fall out of his mouth. And he knew that if he said them, it would become real, Mark didn’t know if he wanted that.

Again, you both were best friends, it was all you both ever were. Feelings were never a topic between you two, you never discussed feelings for one another because they were never recognized. You both never really had crushes and you never spoke about relationships like that. You and Mark were just in each other's space, you were each other's person, that was enough for you both. Except now, so many years down the line after that first kiss, suddenly, everything Mark had ever felt about you hit him like a train and he doesn’t know what to do. 

He wants to tell you, tell you that he believes he loves you, but he doesn’t know if he can because he doesn’t want to mess up  what you have. Mark doesn’t want to be the bad guy in your story, doesn’t want to be a catalyst for a falling out between you both or between you and Jaemin. If Jaemin made you happy, that’s all Mark cares about, but that selfish part of him, the small voice in his head that is yelling at him to tell you, to yell at you to not marry Jaemin or even think about Jaemin, but to marry and think about him. It was wretched to even think about saying those words. 

“Well, he’s acting weirder” Mark perked up at this, weird? what did you mean?. “He’s acting like he’s hiding a secret and I asked my sister about it and she said that maybe he’s planning to propose”

Your smile was infectious, it was so proud and happy, like the idea of marrying Jaemin was exciting. Mark felt his heart crack. Propose? Of course, that’s how the courtship ended, with you and Jaemin at the end of the aisle and wedding bands on your ring fingers. 

“Proposal, huh?” Mark asked, trying to hide his hurt with a fake smile, one you didn’t notice as your mind was flooded with thoughts of marrying Jaemin. Mark sucked in a breath before letting out in a puff. “That’s uh, that’s a serious commitment, you sure you’re ready?”

You looked at him with furrowed brows, why was he asking you that? “Of course, this has been the endgame all along. I knew I had to marry someone and Jaemin’s here”

“So you’re only marrying him because he’s here?” Mark asked, another person questioning your intentions with Jaemin. 

Everyone knew you and Jaemin had to get married, everyone had to get married at some point. It just happened to be that you and Jaemin were looking for partners at the same time and ended up liking one another. It wasn’t a crime to go into a courtship and expect marriage at the end, that’s usually how it goes. You don’t understand why Mark and your sister constantly ask about your real and deep intentions with Jaemin as if they don’t realize that it was a matter of chance that you and Jaemin were looking for the same thing. If they were in your shoes or Jaemin’s, they would expect marriage just like you. 

“That’s not what I mean and you know it” You replied, offended at how easily he can accuse you of this. Shaking your head, you set aside your journal and looked at how annoyed and antsy he looked. “What’s up with you? Why are you suddenly against this?”

Mark scoffed, avoiding your gaze like a child. “I’m not against it”

“Yes you are”

“I’m not, it’s just” Mark groaned, standing up as he couldn’t sit down and face you anymore. It was too much and he knew what was coming, he knew it was happening now. The worst part was, he couldn’t stop it, he couldn’t stop his words from falling out of his mouth and this is what kept the conversation going. “I just find it odd that you were telling me how you don’t want to get married and all of a sudden, you’re like proposal this and wedding that”

You followed his example, standing up yourself. “I can change my mind Mark, and even then, I like Jaemin”

“It’s been months and you still can’t say you love him” Mark pointed out, making you even more annoyed at how detailed he wants you to be. It’s as if he wants you to describe every fiber of your being and feelings you have for Jaemin like some poet: 

“You’re being so nitpicky, what’s up with that?”

Mark’s face went cold, face falling as he stared burned your eyes. “Do you love Jaemin?” He asked the familiar question everyone asked you.

Love? Everyone wants to know if you love Jaemin, why can’t they just accept that you feel with Jaemin, you breathe with Jaemin and you enjoy your time with Jaemin. Isn’t companionship enough? because for you, it was. 

You felt appalled by his question. “What? Yeah, what kind of a question is that?”

“You didn’t say yes” Mark pointed out, making your shoulders slump as you felt a greater divide between you and Mark, a divide you’ve never felt before with him. 

“I didn’t say no either” You said in a low voice, teetering a whisper and Mark could feel the animosity growing. Your jaw clenched as you took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself as Mark continued to stare at you, like he was trying to look at your soul to see the truth. “Yeah, I love Jaemin. He’s a great guy, is genuine, handsome, a great King as his people have told me, and is great company”

“You really want to marry him?” Mark asked, his confidence depleting as he realized how your stubbornness, a trait he used to adore and admire, was being used towards him in a way he wasn’t used to.

This stubbornness wasn’t just about if you’ll go outside or not, or that you really want to go to the Wishing Well tonight and no one else can change your mind. This was different, this wasn’t a simple stand, this is a commitment. Mark is terrified that your stubbornness is going to make you do something you may or may not regret. But also, your stubbornness isn’t letting you see how desperate and pathetic Mark is. He’s asking you, in a subtle way, to not marry Jaemin, to end things with him because you know you want to. 

“Of course I do” 

Mark’s stomach flipped, his mind racing and his heart breaking. It stung to hear those words, for you to sound so sure of yourself like you came to terms with this months ago. And you did, you really did and he knew that, of course Mark knew you were serious. It’s just, hearing it now, when you’re annoyed with him, it makes it sound all the more real. It was too real, Mark was losing you and he never thought he would. 

“And if I told you not to marry him?” Mark asked, his question leaving his mouth before his brain could tell him to shut up. 

“What? What're you talking about?” A whisper of your voice, confused and so small that it made Mark realize that he’s dug himself a hole. 

“Don’t marry him”

“Why?” You asked, feeling pained at how Mark is telling you to not marry the person you want to marry and you don’t know why. 

“Why?” Mark asked, taking a step closer to you. “It’s so obvious, you know why”

His face turned from cold to warm, so fast and gentle. You could see that familiar shine in his eyes, how it looked like tiny little stars. Mark’s eyes flickering to your lips every few seconds, like he’s contemplating kissing you again after seven years. You know this because he’s giving you that same look he gave seven years ago, right before you both leaned in and he gave you the world's best birthday present. That same soft look that made him look younger than his age, that made him look so pure that it reminded you of the way your father looks at your mother. Mark is so confusing, you think to yourself. One second, he’s kissing you, the next he acts like nothing happens and despite there being tension, he doesn’t say anything. You both moved on with your lives and now? After seven years it hits you like a tidal wave. Mark doesn’t want you to marry Jaemin because he wants you to marry him. 

Your face fell, shaking your head as you took a few steps back. “No, don’t, don’t do this” You quietly begged him, not believing a word he’s saying. 

“I can’t let you marry him” He mumbled out, taking steps towards you, but you kept taking them back. 

You gulped, looking away as you felt a wave of unresolved emotions hitting you and suddenly you felt eighteen again, wondering why the boy you thought you liked didn’t want to discuss your first kiss with him. Your steps came to a halt as you whipped your head towards him, eyes narrowed as tears blurred your line of sight. 

“Why? Because we kissed seven years ago? It’s been seven years, Mark! Let it go!” You exclaimed, wanting to be happy with Jaemin after being indirectly rejected by Mark. You made peace with the fact that you and Mark would only be friends. You honestly thought he felt the same way, but suddenly, it’s like a flip changed in him. 

Mark shook his head, his voice desperate as he grasped at anything to keep you close to his heart. “I can’t let it go, it’s all that goes through my head when I think about you and Jaemin together” 

“You’re—no, no you can’t be saying this” You scoffed out, bringing to walk away, but Mark followed you. 

“I have to, I can’t let you marry someone you don’t love” He confessed, his words striking a chord in you. How dare he say that, he doesn’t know what you and Jaemin have and he’ll never know or understand. 

“And you think I love you?!” You yelled, turned around to look at him. Mark froze, taking in your angry face, furrowed brows and narrowed eyes, watery eyes and a flushed face. You were so angry with him, so angry at how he can suddenly come in after so many years and confess so easily that he loves you. How? How can he do that knowing that you’re going to be married to Jaemin at some point. “Mark, I had such deep feelings for you as a kid. I knew I held love for you, I just couldn’t tell if it was platonic or romantic until I kissed you on my eighteenth birthday. Suddenly, it’s like everything clicked and I knew I loved you so much more than a friend and I assumed you loved me too”

“I do—”

“But you don’t!” You yelled, stopping his words as you tried to calm your erratic breathing. “Because the next day we saw each other, you pretended that nothing happened” 

Mark felt pain hit his chest. You were both such cowards and just missed each other by a mere miscommunication. All of this could’ve been avoided if one of you had the courage to bring it up. 

“You didn’t say anything” Mark whispered out, feeling that familiar pang of rejection when he realized how you wouldn't bring up the kiss. 

“Because I was terrified!” You exclaimed, growing tired of his excuse. “I was so scared that if I brought it up you’d tell me it was a mistake or-or that it was nothing” Your hand angrily ripped away a stray tear as it fell down your face. Mark felt so guilty watching you cry because of him. How could he do this to you? He’s hurting you all because he didn’t want you to marry someone else because he wants to marry you. “Gods Mark, just as I start to feel something for someone else, you go and do this?”

“I didn’t mean to make you upset”

“What did you think was going to happen?” You asked, laughing sarcastically as you looked at this beautifully sad man standing in front of you. His confession made your eighteen year old heart flutter, knowing that girl deep inside you would’ve hugged him and kissed him so hard. However, you weren’t eighteen anymore and you had different ways of thinking. “That I was going to run into your arms and say I love you too? Leave Jaemin to his own vices as if we both haven’t been together for the last few months?!” Your voice raised with every word until you stopped, trying to catch your breath as so many feelings boiled over. You shook your head, jabbing a finger at his chest. “You don’t get to do that, you don’t get to stand there and tell me you love me after seven years. I won’t let you ruin what I have with Jaemin just because it all suddenly hit you like a train” 

“Please—”

You shook your head, holding up a hand for him to stop talking. “No” 

You walked off, your heart hammering against your chest as his heart laid on the once green grass, beaten and broken. It felt so final, the way you walked off and how he didn’t follow you. It felt like a chord was severed, it wasn’t clean, it wasn’t straight, it was frayed and messy. Despite it feeling so strange to hear those words come from him, you knew you couldn’t go back.

You had genuine feelings for Mark, real ones from when you were younger. They weren’t dealt with, they always remained, but they were buried deep inside of you. They were dormant until Mark said those words of implication. A confession jumbled your mind the more you walked away from him. This couldn’t be happening, not when you were so ready to marry Jaemin. 

“You’re here?” Jaemin asked, his voice slightly groggy with how the sun was down and torches were lit. He was confused seeing you and your guards at his gate.  “Thought you were with Mark” 

“Yeah, sorry. Is it okay if I stay here tonight?” You asked, your brain still scattered due to Mark’s voice replaying in your brain. Don’t marry him. “It’s late and I don’t want to have my people ride in the night”

Jaemin instantly nodded, no second guess, not hesitation. He’d do anything for you, even lie for you. He’s perfect, and yet those words kept replaying in your head like a mantra. “Of course, you’re always welcomed” Don’t marry him,  how can those words echo your mind when he so easily lets you in his home. 

You smiled softly. “Thanks Jaemin”

Jaemin and his guards let you and your people in. They took the horses to the stable while the guards went off as they knew you and Jaemin were safe in the castle walls. That and Jaemin gave one stern look to his own guards and they scattered, dragging yours with them. 

“So, how was your time with Mark? Was it fun?” Jaemin asked, genuinely interested in your time with Mark. 

He was always so interested. Jaemin likes to listen to you, likes to watch how your lips move so fast with how fast you speak or how slow they move when you slow your speech down. Jaemin noticed things, even stuff he shouldn’t. Like how at the mere mention of Mark's name, you tensed up, your body going ridged like something happened that he shouldn’t know about. It worried him, but he’s not one to pester. 

“Let’s not talk about that” You said through a small smile, Mark’s agonizing face pleading with you to change your mind. “Let’s talk about something else”

“Okay” Jaemin nodded, continuing to lead you to a spare room in the castle. Jaemin cleared his throat as he remembered the familiar invitation to a wedding coming in this morning. “King Yang Yang is getting married”

Your eyes went wide. “Yang Yang? From the Northern Kingdom?" 

“Yeah, insane huh?” Jaemin chuckled, making you let out a breath of air as it hit you. You were all grown up, everyone you were kids with, suddenly, they were married. 

“Hes the first one of us to get married, anyone who was first it would’ve been insane” You pointed out, shaking your head at how insane it sounded. Yang Yang being the first one was shocking, he always joked too much and never took things too seriously, it’s surprising for him to marry someone. Even then, if Mark married someone first, it would still be shocking. 

“True” Jaemin said, turning the corner before coming to a slow stop in front of a door. “Marriage is so weird”

“How so?” You asked, turning to be in front of him. 

He let out a huff of hair as he decided to tell you his fears about marriage. “Spending your life with someone? So much commitment” 

It’s not that Jaemim was scared of commitment, he knew that he could commit, it’s just the future that scared him. Living with someone, loving someone, kissing someone, holding someone forever? It scared him because he can’t picture it. Jaemin can’t picture being married, not even to you. Jaemin wants to marry you, he does, but he honestly can’t see it happen. He can’t see the early mornings with you, the softness of married life with you, and he can’t see the children that had a mixture of his face with yours. It hurt him that he couldn’t see it, it was all blurry. 

“Yeah, I agree” You replied, taking his words not to heart, but into perspective. 

It is terrifying, being tied to someone for eternity. However, despite disliking the idea of marriage, you couldn’t help but find something beautiful about it. It’s nice to see your parents be so in love and get married, it’s nice to think about the pink and cute life of it all. It’s just the actual marriage that you hate, what it meant for you and what it meant to other people. Right now, marriage feels more like an obligation that you chose to disguise as choice.

“But I think there’s something beautiful about that. Like, wanting to spend your life with someone, always wearing a wedding band connecting you both like a string. It’s kind of beautiful to think about and wonder what it would be like to say vows and seal the promise with a kiss” You explained, a soft smile on your face as you thought about an alternate universe where you loved marriage and enjoyed the reality of it rather than despising the idea. Jaemim stared at you, like something clicked. Suddenly, his future was clear, despite it being so hazy just a few seconds ago, despite it being so invisible, suddenly, it’s like you went in and wiped the lenses for him. Suddenly, Jaemin can see the soft mornings, the quietness in the air as he took you first thing in the morning and the last thing he sees at night. The faces of your children were clear as day, they had your smile and his eyes, your nose and his lips. You could feel how cold his stare was, not mean, just sending a shiver down your spine. “What?”

Jaemin blinked once, then twice, and suddenly, the ring that he hid in his nightstand that once belonged to his mother felt lighter. “Nothing. Just, stay tomorrow, just for a few hours?” He asked, grabbing your cold hands into his own cold ones. 

You didn’t question it because it was Jaemin. Predictable. “Okay” Jaemin smiled and wished you a good night after saying that this was your room for the night. 

The night was peaceful, cold in the room, but warm in the sheets. Despite it being so easy to fall asleep, you couldn’t close your eyes without your mind wandering back to Mark. His confession wasn’t a real one, he didn’t say that he loves you, didn’t say that you should choose him, but it was all implied. You think that’s what made it worse, how you knew what he was trying to say, knew what he meant when he begged you to not marry Jaemin. Everyone suspected that there was something deeper between you and Mark, always a feeling, and it was always voiced. People asking if you and Mark are going to get over it and make it official, people from different parts of the world asking if you and Mark were married. However, you and Mark always denied it, saying that you were just friends and nothing more because you weren’t. 

It was complicated, some days you found yourself wanting to hold Mark’s hand, other days he found himself wanting to hug you for a bit longer, and some days you both felt the urge to kiss one another. The problem was, you both felt as though the feelings weren’t reciprocated, so you continued on as friends. Until now, suddenly, friends felt like a flimsy old blanket that was falling apart at the seams, it was old and useless. Suddenly, friends felt like a phony way of hiding behind a plastic wall to avoid the real conversation. Mark loves you and deep down, you knew you loved him too. But you can’t love Mark, not when Jaemin is down the hall, asking you to stay. You want Jaemin to be your future, you don’t know why, but you do. Jaemin is so perfect, so beautiful and a good person that you know he’d be a good husband. 

But Mark was also perfect, he’s kind, genuine, heartfelt, and sensitive. Mark would be a good husband to you, you knew this since the time on the balcony on your Unveiling. You both knew that you’d be perfect for one another, it’s why you kissed, because it was an unconscious thought that manifested into a reaction. That kiss was supposed to happen, these feelings were supposed to happen and this implied confessed and you understood what he was going to say was supposed to happen. You know Mark like the back of your hand, he’s familiar and well known. Mark is your best friend and yet, you can’t marry him. Not because you don’t love him, you do, but you're terrified to lose him. 

You are terrified that if you and Mark marry one another, you might resent each other. That the feelings you have will turn sour, that they wouldn’t last, that they would fade away and you’d be stuck with one another. Being friends with Mark is so much easier than being lovers, you’ve proved that once with how cowardly you both acted after you kissed one another. If you both couldn’t confront each other then, how can you confront each other now. You won’t, it’s already been proven. Rather than saying the words, don’t marry him, I love you, Mark left it up to you to read his mind, to read the implication and assume that he’s confessing his love for you. Sure, maybe it was romantic how you could read his mind and understand what he meant without needing words, but just from a look. However, you didn’t want that, you didn’t want to have to assume and know based off of vague words or a mere gaze, you wanted words, you needed words. Maybe if Mark said I love you, marry me instead, you would’ve. 

That’s a horrible thought to have, why would you think that. A mere few words is enough for you to throw away everything you have with Jaemin? You’re pathetic for that, but it speaks volume to how much Mark has you. This was all more complicated than it should be, you have to decide here and now who you want to be with. Jaemin, the perfect prince charming that you enjoy, or Mark, the best friend who you know too much for your own good. 

“So, why did you ask me to stay?” You asked Jaemin, the morning was crisp and his hand held yours in such a firm way, like he was sure of something. You didn’t know what though. 

He smiled widely, all his teeth showing as it made you furrow your brows. “Come, I want to show you something” He dragged you down the hallway, you quickly trying to fall in his steps, but always one behind, leaving you to stumble. 

“Okay” You chuckled, your stuttering steps as he continued to speed down his castle halls. Turn here, down the steps there and what seemed like forever led you to a set of double doors. You looked at Jaemin inquisitively, confused at why he led you here. Jaemin let go of your hand and pushed the doors open. Your face fell in shock, a gasp leaving your lips when you walked into a room that was like mirrors into the Enchanted Forest. “What is this place? It’s beautiful” 

You were in awe, how the glass walls felt endless, how the room felt like you were stepping outside into the forest. While it was artificial, it felt so real. The cold, the grass and moss, the smell of wet grass and the cool breeze that made the leaves shift. 

“Velendria has hidden rooms in its castle, this is one of them” Jaemin explained, losing the doors that were made of glass on the inside. When the doors closed, the four walls of the room felt non existent, like you were outside. “It’s supposed to emulate the Enchanted Forest and its grand tree” 

“It’s amazing” You whispered, looking up to see the familiar trunk, the large branches and the leaves that held a special magic in it. How the lights twinkled in the leaves and how the trunk held every memory you had as a child running around. You looked over at Jaemin, smiling softly, but confused. “Why show me this?”

“It’s my favorite room to kill time” He replied, equally looking around and feeling his nerves slowly come down. “I come here when I need quiet, peace, even to just take a nap. This place makes me feel more at home than in my room. That’s how you make me feel” He explained, his voice soft as it impacted your chest with a soft thud. 

It skipped a beat, and just for a moment, you felt a pit in your stomach. It wasn’t a good feeling, it was an uncomfortable one. You don’t know why, but it felt heavy and gross. You were his home, that’s what he was telling you. You should feel over the moon, feel happy and excited and yet, all you feel is weird. 

“Jaem” You mumbled out, an unreadable look on your face, like you’re internally cringing, but also happy? You felt a mixture of emotions, the bad ones outweighing the good ones right now. 

Jaemin, however, didn't notice. The one time he didn’t notice was the time he was confessing this sudden change in his brain chemistry towards you. “I love you, I don’t think I realized this until last night. Hearing you speak about marriage, how you came to me when you needed a place to stay. I just, I love you and I want to marry you” It was his first time saying those words, so foreign on his tongue and yet, it didn’t hit you or him as much as he expected. He expected a grand feeling, fireworks or something, but there was nothing. No explosion in his chest, but it was too late now. Jaemin got down on one knee and pulled out the little box he had in his coat pocket. “So, uh, will you marry me?”

You stared down at the ring, how it was the ring of his mothers. Small and dainty, shimmering in the Enchanted Forest you loved so much. While artificial, still real enough. Jaemin is enough, enough for you to say, “Yes” 

“Mark! King Mark! King Mark Lee!” Johnny yelled his name, his sword clanking against his leg as he ran down the hallway to exit the castle. “Mark Lee!” He yelled again, running down the steps of the palace to enter the grand garden. 

“What?” Mark asked, hearing Johnny's yells and huffs coming from behind. “Can’t you see I’m busy?” Mark asked, gesturing to his journal in his hands, getting ready to write down everything his heart desired. 

“She’s—wait, let me catch my breath” Johnny panted out, bending over to catch his breath. Jesus, he forgot how large the castle is and how much he should work on cardio. “Lords!” Johnny exclaimed, standing up straight only to lean back as his lungs inhaled as much air as he could. “She’s—oh, my gods, she’s, she’s getting married?”

“She’s getting married?” Mark asked, acting shocked because who is Johnny talking about right now. “Right, who is she?” Johnny held his breath before letting it out, his face falling as he didn’t need to say your name, because Mark knew. Mark felt his stomach drop and his heart ache. You were marrying him, you really were. “Oh”

“Oh? Just oh?!” Johnny yelled, feeling more passion for the loss of you and Mark. “I ran all the way here after hearing this from your mother for you to say oh?!” 

“There’s nothing to say” Mark replied, sitting down on the bench, slumping his shoulders and taking off his crown. “I told her not to marry him and clearly she is. There’s nothing to say”

“What about telling her you love her?” Johnny asked. 

“I did” Mark pointed out, his eyes softening at how Johnny looked at him with surprise. 

His eyes went wide, Mark actually told her? No way. “You said, I love you?”

“Well, not in so many words” Mark replied, sheepishly as he raised a hand to scratch the back of his neck. “I implied it, she got the memo”

Johnny scoffed, crossing his arms as he shook his head at himself “Implying is not the same as saying. You gotta tell her”

“I’m not gonna tell her if she already knows! Besides, she’s getting married to Prince freaking Charming, Jaemin” Mark replied, bitter at how perfect Jaemin is. 

“She doesn’t love Jaemin though”

Mark sighed, leaning back in his seat, not looking at Johnny. “At this point, I don’t think she doesn't love him. She has to have some kind of feelings towards Jaemin that ran deeper than surface level” 

“Yeah, but they’re not as deep as her feelings for you” Johnny pointed out, scoffing again before joining him on the bench. Johnny was trying to be encouraging, trying to be that hype person Mark needed to gain the confidence to actually confess to her and not leave it up to interpretation. Johnny smacked Mark’s arm, trying to up the energy. “Come on! You’re inseparable! You’re each other's other half, it’s so obvious it was always supposed to be you two”

“Clearly not, she said yes” Mark moped, trying to come to terms with the idea of you no longer being a Choi, but a Na. 

Johnny could see Mark’s light slowly die out. “You can’t let her go”

“I have to” Mark replied, finally looking at him with his sad doe eyes. “She’s clearly happy with Jaemin”

“She’s not!”

“She is! And that’s okay, Johnny” Mark denied, not wanting to speak about this anymore. You were marrying Jaemin, he can’t do anything about it as you’ve made your decision. “I want her to be happy”

“The only way she’ll be happy is if she’s with you” Johnny pointed out, wanting Mark to understand that this was true. Johnny has only ever seen you and him be truly happy with one another. Just like your sister said, there’s this pureness, this innocence that wraps around you both like a bubble, shielding you from the world. It’s something she’s only seen with your parents. “You both are so stubborn”

“Me? I’m stubborn?” 

“Yes, you are” Johnny replied, laughing because it was funny how much people say you’re the stubborn one between the two of you, but in actuality, you and Mark are equally as stubborn as the other. “She loves you so much and if you can’t see that because you want to hide behind this wall of ‘If she’s happy, then I’m happy’, then fine” Johnny scoffed, standing up as he began to feel fed up with how easily Mark was giving up. 

“Why are you giving me so much attitude?” 

“I’m a hopeless romantic” Johnny replied, shaking his head as he turned back to look at Mark. Young and so in love Mark and how hurt he looks. “It’s always been you two. Don’t forget that”

“You’re getting married?!” Your sister yelled, standing up from your bed to look at you like you were insane. 

“Sister, you knew this was coming, don’t act surprised”

“I am! I am surprised!” She exclaimed, nodding her head as she began to cross her arms over her chest with furrowed brows. “What about Mark?”

“What about him?” You asked, confused as to why Mark would be a part of this conversation. 

“He loves you!” She yelled again, like you were thick headed and nothing ever got to you. You signed, slumping your shoulders as you knew you would get her long peach about how you and Mark were meant to be together. “There I said it, I’ve been keeping it in since forever, but he loves you” 

“I know he does” You replied calmly, like the information didn’t bother you even though it still kept you up at night. 

“No, he loves you, loves you” She stressed, looking at you with a pleading look, not wanting you to marry Jaemin. “Like in love with you, like insanely in love with you”

“I know!” You exclaimed, clenching your jaw as you looked away from her. You took in a deep breath and tried to calm yourself. “He told me. Told me not to marry Jaemin”

The tense atmosphere immediately dropped, your sister no longer upset and agitated, but diffused. Her shoulders softened as she slowly sat down next to you on your bed once more. “Did he tell you why?” 

“Wasn’t a hard guess” You mumbled out. 

“Do you love him?”

“I don’t” You said, your gaze focused on the floor as you tried to refocus your mind on Jaemin.  “I choose Jaemin, I pick Jaemin” You said once more, trying to convince your sister and yourself. It’s like Mark’s implied confession altered your thought process, suddenly, choosing and picking Jaemin didn’t feel like enough and didn’t feel solid. It was shaky and misguided, it felt more like an action than a reflex. “Jaemin is perfect on paper and he did something about his feelings. Mark can spew his words of adoration to me all he wants, it won’t change how he let me believe for so long that my feelings weren’t reciprocated. He didn’t do anything. Jaemin did”

The more you say these words and the more nonsense you say, just trying to justify your choosing, it feels more and more difficult. 

“You’re choosing wrong”

However, you’re stubborn, so you’ll continue the convincing and continue the small white lies. “I’m not. Jaemin is my future, Mark is a mere innocent part of my past” You explained, nodding your head more to yourself than your sister. “A small part of me will always love Mark, I think it’s the young girl inside of me that always saw him as a person I never wanted to leave. But he’s not the person I see myself getting married to right now. It’s Jaemin.”

“You’re going to regret this, you know that right?” Your sister asked, trying to find your gaze and honestly, you had enough of the same question and conversation so much. 

“Why can’t you be happy for me?” You whispered, looking at her with doe eyes, hoping that would work. Sometimes it feels like you’re the younger sister with how observational she is. 

“I’m your sister, not your friend” She denied, shaking her head. “I’ll be happy when you’re turkey happy and not lying to yourself because you won’t let your younger self grow up” Your sister got up and left your room, the door echoing shut that it made you close your eyes. 

When you opened them, you looked at your left ring finger. The way the diamond was shaped, how the gold band wrapped around it, shining like little stars. It was nice, pretty, dainty, and cute. Just like Jaemin was. You signed, closing your eyes and laying back down on your bed, feeling heavier than the ring on your finger. 

Why were you so heavy? Why was your brain not thinking clearly and yet your words were confident? Why were you contradicting yourself and hiding your true feelings? Maybe it’s because you’re in too deep with Jaemin? You didn’t know, but all you knew was that you’re marrying Jaemin and Mark was invited to the wedding. 

“How’s the dress, your highness?” Miyeon asked, standing up as she let you view the dress with a blank face. 

“It’s…” You trailed off, your eyes scanning the silk, the way it hugged you, how it flowed at the bottom. It was so simple, easy, and comfortable. It wasn’t tight, wasn’t loose, wasn’t even ugly, it was just easy. Jaemin is easy. This wedding is easy and your feelings for Jaemin were easy. “It’s a dress”

Miyeon’s face fell, feeling horrified that you hated it because she would hear how out of place you sounded. “Do you not like it?” She asked, eyes wide as she instantly tried to change the angle of the train or maybe it was the veil as she rearranged it behind you. 

“No, it’s exactly what I wanted on paper” You replied, knowing that Mieyon could read your mind so easily when it came to making dresses. It’s why you appointed her as your seamstress when you turned eighteen. “It’s just, it’s not feeling right” You winced, not feeling right anymore. Suddenly, your ring was blinding you, not lighting up a room like it did when you first saw it. It was heavy, your body was heavy, your attitude towards the wedding was slowly turning sour. 

“Not feeling right?” Miyeon asked, sensing the way the mood shifted when the words came out of your mouth. 

“I feel, not like how I thought I would feel” You revealed, turning around and grabbing the dress to step off the small platform. You signed, letting it go as you stared at her with such desperation to feel the way you imagined you'd feel.“I thought I would feel euphoric or excited or-or nervous. Instead I feel kind of dull” Your shoulders slumped, taking a seat on the vanity chair that sat in the room. 

“Well, we could change the detail, maybe move the hemline down, cinch in the waist a bit more” Miyeon instantly shot out ideas, grabbing the parchment that held your design as she started scribbling away. 

You signed, shaking your head as you watched her frantically try to fix what she made. “If you cinch it in more, I won’t be able to breathe” You joked, trying to lighten the mood, but the comment didn’t land as Miyeon looked at how down you looked. Usually brides were ecstatic, happy, and glowing. You were right, you look and feel dull. 

“If I may?” Miyeon asked, following your lead and sitting down as well on a seat. “How are you feeling about this wedding?” She asked lightly. 

“Well, Jaemin is mostly taking care of it. Said he didn’t want his future wife to be stressed” You explained, slightly smiling at how considerate Jaemin is, how he acted and how he cared for you. You slightly perked up at how some memories of Jaemin spoke to you with that soft voice as he showed you different things.“He showed me some flowers, I couldn’t decide and he chose and then he showed me some decorations I couldn’t decide and he chose again” Your smile slowly fell as you felt funny about it. Jaemin chose everything, he made everything, this felt more and more like Jaemin’s wedding than both of your weddings. It wasn’t his fault, you just felt a little out of it. “I just feel a little spaced” 

“King Jaemin makes a lot of choices for you” Miyeon replied, making you look up at her, looking rather calm than in a cloud of gray. 

You shrugged your shoulders. “I’m indecisive”

“Not when you’re with King Mark” She crossed her legs, perking up at how you tend to challenge Mark a bit more. 

“Not you too” You groaned, growing annoyed with how much everyone expected you and Mark to end up together, like they were all planning on it. 

“It’s hard to ignore” Miyeon mumbled, smiling as she remembered being a young kid, watching you two interact at Caliriel events. How jealous she felt watching you both because she craved to have a friendship like that, a real love like that. “When you’re with Mark, you are more assertive, more confident and yourself with him. With Jaemin, you’re passive” 

“I trust Jaemin” You replied and she nodded. 

“I don’t doubt that, and I bet you trust King Mark as much as you trust King Jaemin. But I wonder why you choose to be more yourself around Mark if Jaemin is the one you love” Miyeon explained, making you feel caught in a lie you didn’t know you said. 

Shaking your head, your pride was making you stubborn. The last thing you wanted, as Queen, was to be seen as someone who loves another person so they wouldn't love another. “I won’t give into this propaganda that Mark and I are supposed to be together”

“It cannot be propaganda if it holds some truth” Miyeon stopped you, swallowing you saliva as you felt as though Miyeon was holding up a mirror to yourself. She saw right through you and you hated it. “Your highness, you’re settling for someone who, while yes, is perfect on paper, isn’t perfect for you. You need someone who makes you feel like you can speak freely”

“I speak freely with Jaemin all the time” You denied, making it sound like you can speak to Jaemin easily and freely. In reality you don’t, you hold your tongue with him, you let him speak more than you do, and you let him create the moments and conversations rather than creating them with him. This relationship you had, it was more Jaemin than you and Jaemin. 

“Yes, but you lose your breath with Mark because he makes you laugh so hard, you curse at him when he’s being, forgive my words, stupid, and you can get angry with him and yell at him and still be okay because you know that Mark will forgive you as easily as you forgive him” Miyeon said, making you reminisce on how she was right. You could get angry with Mark, he could get angry with you, and yet you never held grudges against one another because you both could always fix your problems. Even then, your friendship was bigger than any argument you both could ever have, because forgiveness is easy with him, it was right with him. “Can you yell at Jaemin? Even say one bad thing about him”

“There’s nothing bad to say about him” But, your stubbornness had other things to say, because how can you confess now that you honestly don’t want to marry Jaemin, you just wanted to marry the idea of it all. The idea of marrying someone or your Kingdom, marrying someone for the idea of your family. It was too late, you can’t say this when you're getting married so soon. “I can’t love Mark the way he loves me. Not now, back then? Of course, but it’s too late now, Jaemin is the one I’m marrying” 

“You’re so stubborn” Miyeon scoffed, knowing how you were spewing lies because it’s not that you don’t love Mark, it’s because you can't and you don’t want to say it out loud, because if you do, it all becomes real and too much to lose. 

You groaned again like a child, standing up as you paced the room. “I’m not being stubborn about this. I like Jaemin, I love Jaemin, he’s great and everything sweet in the candy store. He’s a good person” You confessed, trying to convince her about your feelings. You stopped pacing as you looked down at her. “So, I’d appreciate it if you'd just help me and figure out how to fix this dress for the wedding” You ordered, a stern tone coming out as you went back up on the platform, head held high as you stood up straight. 

“Of course, your highness” Miyeon replied, standing up and bowing before going to fix some things mindlessly as you softly ordered her around. 

It was the night before your wedding, your family was in Velendria, staying in the royal castle with Jaemin and his family. His family resided in the west wing while your family resided in the east. You were trying to fall asleep, however, your mind wouldn't let you. It’s been like this ever since Jaemin proposed to you. Eye bags under your eyes as you tossed and turned in the unfamiliar bed as the moonlight etched into your room through the curtains. You signed, throwing the sheets off your body as you got up from the bed. You grabbed your robe from the hanger next to the bed, throwing it on as you stepped outside on the balcony in your room. You stared outside into the clear night, the cool breeze hitting you as you drank in the silence. The stars were shining and the moon was full and bright, it made you feel real, realer than you’ve felt in the past few weeks. 

“You okay?” You heard your mothers warm voice ask as you turned around to see you standing at the doorframe. 

You hummed, nodding as she stepped in as you followed her steps. “Yeah, I’m okay, just getting fresh air” You replied, your mother joining you on the balcony as you both leaned on the railing, looking out at the hills and valleys. 

“Cold feet?” She asked, looking at you with concern. If your mother was honest, even she wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of you marrying Jaemin, especially with how you looked at Mark with such light and at Jaemin with kindness. Your mother isn’t denying that you don’t have feelings for jaemin, she's sure you do, they just don’t run in your veins the same way your feelings for Mark do. 

You didn’t shake or nod your head, it just dipped as you looked at your hands. “Sister thinks I’m making the wrong choice”

“Are you?”

You took in a deep breath before letting it out. Jaemin is too good of a person to say no to, but Jaemin is also too good of a person to lie to. However, that’s what you're doing, lying to him and yourself. “No, I’m making the right choice” You whispered. 

“So why worry what she thinks?” She asked, wanting you to come to the conclusion yourself rather than taking your sister's reaction to heart. Your mother knows how close you and your sister are, how she takes your words to heart and how you take her just the same. You were able to be honest with one another, brutally so and it altered your decision making which wasn't always the correct way to go. 

“Because what if she’s right?” You asked, sounding sad and desperate for someone to tell you that what you were doing was right. Wanting that validation because you couldn’t get it yourself. You were so unsure if what you were doing was right ever since Mark told you that he loves you, ever since Jaemin got down on one knee and said that he loves you and presented you with a ring. “What if I am making the wrong choice and I’m not realizing it until right now” 

“Why would you be making the wrong choice?” She asked, gently running a hand through your hair in a comforting manner as you felt stressed with the inner conflict your unconscious and conscious mind was going through. 

“I don’t know” You winced, clenching your jaw as your brows furrowed so much in worry. “I just, it’s all happening so quickly” You whispered, looking at your mother who looked at you with the same worried face you gave her. You straightened up, her hand falling from your hair as your arm extended to your room. “I barely met Jaemin a couple months ago and now I’m getting married to him tomorrow!” You exclaimed, your arm falling as you felt tears rise up in your eyes. 

“It’s usually what happens in a courtship” Your mother responded, trying to be the calm in the crazy storm on your mind. You groaned, running a hand through your hair as the cold breeze began to nip at your skin, making you shiver. Your mother could see something else going on, something that went deeper than pre wedding nerves. “My darling, what’s really wrong?” 

You looked over at her with a sad look, a look so sad that your mother felt her heart crack. Why were you so sad? “Mark told me to not marry Jaemin, because he loves me”

“Mark loves you?” She asked, a little surprised that he actually confessed to it, and the fact that he confessed to it first. She honestly had bets that you’d confess first. “Finally” She whispered under her breath, but you heard her and shoved her arm. 

“Mom!” You exclaimed, groaning as you put your head in your hands. 

Your mother shrugged her shoulders, not wanting to sour her mood as she wanted to be that light that pulled you out of your dilemma. “What? I’m not surprised, he’s always looked at you differently than everyone else” She pointed out, remembering how Mark always looked at you with this whole soul, how even a natural disaster wouldn’t tear away his attention to you. 

“Yeah, but, why tell me this now and not when I wasn’t being courted and thinking about marriage?” You asked, knowing that if it was better timing, it would’ve been Mark waiting at the altar for you, not Jaemin. This seven years battle would’ve been solved and tied if you both had just said something, but you both chose to say nothing, waiting for the other person to say something. 

“Confessions are never perfect, sometimes a confession is just that, doesn’t need action, doesn’t need a response” Your mother explained, making you look at her with that same sad look in your eyes, and yet, you didn’t feel sad, you just felt drained. Your mother gave you a soft smile, knowing that tomorrow, you’d make the right decision for yourself and not for other people. “Maybe Mark just felt the need to say something because everything bubbled over” 

“It’s just horrible timing” You shook your head, looking back out at the foggy night. 

“When would’ve been good timing?”

You signed, standing up straight. “Like seven years ago” 

“Would you have been ready?” Would you? Would you have been ready to take that risk? Being with Mark and no safety net of being friends, because one wrong argument, one wrong anything could’ve jeopardized your entire relationship. 

“I’d like to think so” Maybe you wou;’ve been ready, ready for that love, that commitment, that intensity of letting yourself be in love with your best friend. Things would’ve been so different, maybe you would’ve been married by now, maybe even have kids by now with Mark. Little kids running around with your eyes and his laugh, your hair and his nose, or maybe one would be exactly like you and the other like Mark. It was nice to envision it in these fleeting moments. “I love Mark mom, I really do, but it’s too late” 

“Then why obsess over it?” Your mother asked, knowing why you would obsess over it, but wanting you to come to that conclusion. The feelings you claim to not be strong enough, the  timing you claim to be too far gone, it was all here, it was happening right now. You just didn’t see it yet. “You’re getting married tomorrow, if you’re having second thoughts, Jaemin deserved to know” 

A sleepless night is what you had, the sun slowly rising as soon as you felt comfortable enough to fall asleep. Waking up to the burning sun in your eyes with the loud knocking from Miyeon who was going to help you get ready for the wedding. The morning was chaotic, shoving food down your throat as Miyeon helped you get in your dress and your mother helping with your hair and your sister watching, already dressed and ready to go. It was full of people talking over one another and you trying to breathe as it all came crashing on you. Suddenly, the silly dates you liked became real, the conversations you had with Jaemin about the future were no longer mindless conversations, but plans for the future that was happening right now. Suddenly, the future was no longer so far away, it was only a few hours away from you. It scared you, how you were about to be tied to a man you never thought you’d marry. 

Miyeon was the last person to step out of the room you were staying in. You looked at yourself, how the dress had hardly changed since the first fitting, how it looked like the skeleton of fabric you wore when you were questioned by Miyeon. The more you stared at yourself, the more real and unreal it all felt. It was real, that you were getting married, it just felt unreal that you were getting married in an hour. It felt real that you were in a wedding dress, but it felt unreal that the wedding dress was yours. You then heard a knock at your door, turning your head to yell at them to come in. When the door opened, you expected to see your mom or your sister, maybe even Miyeon. Instead, you saw, “Mark, what’re you doing here?” You asked, confused as to why he was here and dressed so well. 

His blue number had golden accents that accentuated his wealth. How his cape was clearly freshly washed as you could smell the soap they used on it with each passing breeze. How his face was alive and his hair fell so perfectly in place and suddenly, all you could see was him in white, standing at the altar with Haechan standing beside him as you were walking down the aisle in a dress that felt right. Where the moment felt real, and the good kind of real, the real that you wanted to experience right now with Jaemin, but this was stopping you. Your feelings for Mark that were boiling over, your love for him that was no longer hidden and buried, but coming up at full force. Why did it take you until your wedding to suddenly think about calling it off? Confessions weren’t perfect, you weren’t perfect, but maybe you were perfect enough for him. 

Mark couldn’t say anything as he saw you standing there dressed in white. How your hair was up, showing your facial features so perfectly and the way the sun was hitting you was perfect. You were otherworldly to him, you were so much more than beautiful and any other word he could think of. You were so much and all he wanted to do was to kiss you and say I Do. However, he wasn’t the groom, he was just the best friend and you made that perfectly clear to him.

“I just, I’m sorry, you’re—I can’t say” He stumbled out, his mouth dry for water as he just stared at you again, with his whole soul out on a silver platter for you to consume. 

You could feel your heart skip a beat and your brain releasing oxytocin as you realized how Mark did stare at you the way your father stared at your mother. This can’t happen, you were getting married so soon. If only you realized all of this sooner. If only you weren't stubborn or a horrible person for using Jaemin in the way you did.

“Mark, don’t, please” You mumbled, not wanting to hear another compliment or confession. Not because you didn’t want to hear it, but because if you did, you would break. 

“I’m sorry, I was just, I just wanted to apologize” Mark replied, clearing his throat as he nodded, his face growing blank as he stared at you so quietly. “I’m sorry for telling you what I said and just, Lords, I just, I love you, of course I love you and I’m sorry I haven’t said anything and I’m sorry I told you this at the worst time and even now I’m telling you I love you right before your wedding, but if I don’t tell you this now, I’ll never say it and I’d regret never telling you” You told him not to say this and yet here he was, confessing even more. He loves you, he finally said it. It wasn’t up to interpretation and mind reading, he confessed, Mark actually said the three words eighteen year old you would’ve fallen for. “And I’m not asking you to not marry Jaemin, I’m sorry I ever asked you that. If you want to marry Jaemin, marry him. He’s perfect for you, he’s someone you deserve and someone who won’t wait forever to do something like I do. I love you and I just want you to be happy and if you’re happy with Jaemin, then be happy with him” This isn’t a selfless sacrifice, Mark isn’t letting you marry Jaemin, he’s not giving you up like he says he is. He was just telling you to do what is right, do what you want to do. If you want to marry Jaemin, he isn’t going to stop you, but if you don’t want to marry Jaemin, he wants you to pick him instead. You can’t tell if that is out of love, or selfishness. “That’s all I wanted to say. I love you and I’m sorry” 

You were rendered speechless. How could he say those things so easily? How can he say he loves you? Finally, after seven years he says it, but it took him so long and suddenly, you’re eighteen years old again, kissing him and feeling him. You saw his soul, you saw his heart, you saw his brain that contained memories of you and him, you saw everything. You’re feeling everything, those nerves, those euphoric feelings, that ecstasy, everything. Mark makes you feel real. You were about to say something, but a knock came as you both looked at the open doorway to see the familiar face of a guard. 

“Your highness, oh, King Mark” He paused, looking at the King of Eloweth standing with you. He looked between you and Mark, feeling a deep tension as he looked back at you. “Did I interrupt something?”

“No, I was just leaving” Mark interrupted, nodding his head towards you before taking his leave as the guard bowed to him. 

You watched as Mark left, his body disappearing behind the corner. Little did you know that he was busy trying to catch his breath after telling you about his love. It was nerve racking for him and he did it, he finally told you. However, he thinks you’ll go through with it, you’ll marry Jaemin and you both will be friends again, trying to be as normal as possible. 

The guard cleared his throat, looking at you for confirmation. “Your highness, we’re ready for you”

“Okay” You mumbled out, still in shock with Mark's "I love you" ringing in your ears. Clearing your throat, you mindlessly stepped down the platform and followed the guard down the winding and turning hallways of the castle. 

When you reached the room where you both would be getting married, the double doors leading to the rooms were closed. You saw your father there, dressed in his traditional clothing as he finally caught you. Your father felt his world stop as he saw you dressed in the beautiful white dress, how grown up you look now. Suddenly, his little girl was getting married. He didn’t understand how time flew by.

“My daughter, you look beautiful”  He announced, making you smile as he pulled you in for a hug, kissing the top of your head. He pulled away and you hooked your arm in his. “You ready?” He asked, raising an eyebrow to make you laugh, but all you did was let out an uncomfortable chuckle. 

“I’m nervous” You mumbled out, shaking with nerves. Your father gently squeezed your hand as he looked down at you with a proud smile. 

“Don’t be, Jaemin is one lucky man” He confirmed, making you smile, but not in relief, but in pain. Jaemin is a lucky man, he’s nice, sweet, considerate, understanding, a brilliant King, more of a peacemaker than you could ever be. And yet, he’s about to marry a girl who doesn’t want to marry him anymore. What were you doing? 

“Don’t let me fall” You mumbled out, one of the guards hanging you a bouquet of flowers as you heard shuffling from behind the doors. They were standing, the soft violins making beautiful melodies as they were awaiting your entrance. 

Your father chuckles, holding onto your arm tightly. “Never” 

The doors opened and everyone's eyes were on you. The pew was full of people you knew and didn’t know. You can see Haechan’s familiar smirk, but it wasn’t full, wasn’t his usual smirk that he usually gioves you. It was different, almost vague. Renjun’s smile was small, not bright like how it usually was when you did something he was proud of. Chenle jist looked bored while your sister stood next to him, looking disappointed. Was no one happy about this? Was no one approving of this? Were you honestly so blind to how much people knew you and Mark were made for one another than you in turn blinded yourself into trying to love someone you knew you couldn’t? The walk down the aisle felt like miles and miles, it felt endless, that when you reached the end and finally looked at Jaemin, it all dawned on you. 

Jaemin, he looked so happy, so ready to commit and so infatuated with you. To him, you were the most beautiful person he has ever seen, even as kids, he thought you were beautiful. He admired you, loved how stubborn you were, how you spoke your mind and how peaceful you can be when it was time to be. He loves you, he really does. You hate how you can see that, how you can see the glimmer in his eyes as he drank you in, about to be his wife. All you could do was force a smile, hoping he wouldn’t be able to notice, but Mark did. He was watching from the pew, longing for you now, wishing and hoping that you would run away with him. He was selfish for you, he wanted you, he needed you. You were the oxygen he needed to breathe and survive. But most importantly, you were the wish he constantly wished for in the well. His whispers of your name and the word “Wife” attached to one another seamlessly. 

“Good day, we are all gathered here today for this holy matrimony between Queen Choi and King Na” The priest announced, his voice loud and full as everyone took their seats. He made his speech, saying what he needed to say, but it all went in one ear and out the other. You were contemplating, trying to be in the moment, but your dress was itchy, your shoes hurting your feet, your body trembling and your mind racing. You swallowed saliva as your throat felt so dry, your eyes burning as you honestly thought you forgot to blink. Blinking your eyes, you gleaned right past Jaemin and a little to your right and saw Mark. Mark, oh Mark, how handsome he is and how lovely he is. How he knew the ways to make you feel better, to make you laugh, to make your tea, how many sugars to add, down to the gram, and how much he knew you hated ranunculus, but Jaemin didn’t know that, it's why he chose the flowers for your bouquet, because he didn't know. 

“I do” Jaemin said proudly, with relief as he smiled so widely that it took up his whole face. He was so happy to see you here, in front of him at the altar. 

They all awaited your response, but you were still in another world where this wasn't happening. “Queen Choi?” The priest asked, looking at you with a questioning look. Jaemin cleared his throat and that caught your attention as people began to murmur. 

“I…” You trailed off, looking at Jaemin with such uncertainty and for some reason, he still couldn’t see it. He thought that you were consumed with so much feeling, overwhelmed that you lost your words. Not that you were feeling so guilty for marrying him, for wanting this, for going so far in this. Because you can't marry Jaemin, you can’t marry him because he deserves someone so much better, deserves better in general. Your shoulders fell as you breathed out the words Jaemin never thought you’d say, “I’m so sorry, I can’t” 

“What?” Jaemin asked, feeling his whole world crashing down in front of all of these people. It killed him, you can’t marry him. The whole room bursts into gasps and whispers as you gently shake your heat at him. 

“I’m so sorry, I can’t marry you, Jaem, I’m so sorry” You apologized over and over again, tears welling in your eyes as guilt washed all over you. Jaemin didn’t break, his smile just fell as his eyes broke into millions of pieces, and yet, he looked so perfect. “You deserve someone who loves you” 

He gently shook his head, his shoulders falling as he felt like this was some nightmare he was going to wake up from. “I don’t, I don't understand. You don’t love me?” He asked, whispering his words as everyone still whispered behind him. 

You looked around, seeing everyone with curious looks, whispering at each other and others trying to listen in. You couldn’t do this in front of everyone, in front of your family and friends, in front of Jaemin’s mother and father, and especially in front of Mark. You grabbed Jaemin’s hand and dragged him out of the room, the gasps and words rising in volume as you dragged him down the aisle through the two doors and down the winding corridor that felt smaller and smaller with each step. Eventually, you found a random door and pulled him in it. It was a music room, instruments here and there, you assumed were his mothers as you remember Jaemin mentioned that his mother loved music and would play in her free time. 

As soon as Jaemin closed the door, the words came spilling out of your mouth. “I really tried, Jaem, I really did try, but I just, it doesn’t feel right and I hate that it doesn’t feel right because you’re perfect” You explained, feeling the tears you were holding in slowly fall down your face. “You’re everything I would want in a husband, you are so many great things and I really did try to love you, I told everyone I did, so many times, but I think I just said those things because I was trying to convince myself and I’m so sorry” 

Jaemin didn’t say anything at first, just letting your words sink in and he didn’t feel sad, just hurt and disappointed. “It’s because of Mark, isn’t it?” He asked, although he already knew that the answer was yes. It was always Mark, he just should have known. 

“I’m sorry” 

Jaemin signed, trying to remain calm, even though his heart felt like it was sinking underwater. “Don’t be. I should’ve known” He mumbled out, nodding his head as he was trying to accept a fact he knew, but decided to ignore. 

“No, you shouldn’t have, I just, I shouldn’t have done this to you” You shook your head, not wanting for Jaemin to feel as though you always had Mark in the back of your mind, because you didn’t, not until recently, not until he proposed. 

“It's okay” He replied, shaking his head. 

You didn’t expect him to be so calm about this, why was he so calm? He wasn’t, he wasn’t calm, he wanted to crawl into a hole and rethink his whole time with you and wonder how many signs he missed, or saw and ignored. He wanted to dissect this whole relationship inside out to see where it all happened, or if it happened since the beginning. Was this relationship only meant to fail? Yes, yes it was. 

“How are you so calm about this?”

“I kind of saw it coming” Half of a lie, he knew you and Mark had a special bond, it was so evident in the way you acted around one another. It was magical like the Enchanted Forest and wishful like the Wishing Well you gushed about so much. “The way you spoke about him, how you looked at him, it always made sense. Even as kids”

“I’m so sorry” You had no other words to say because, what could you say? All you can be is sorry. 

“It’s okay” He replied, watching as you gently slid the ring off your finger, grabbing his hand as his palm opened for you to place the ring there. It was final, you and Jaemin weren’t getting married. Jaemin was the first to leave, walking away and leaving you in this music room as you contemplated on what to do. You’d be lying if you said that Mark wasn’t the first person on your mind, wanting to finally say what you’ve been wanting to say all those years ago. Seven years might be really late, but you don’t want to make it ten, or twenty. 

You ran out of the room, the castle echoing with the voices of people who decided to stay and enjoy the reception. You ran around the corridors, trying to see if maybe Mark was lingering around, but to no avail, you had no idea where he was. Walking down one of the halls, you caught sight of your sister, her pretty dress sparking as she laughed with Chenle at some stupid joke he made. 

You called out her name, her head whipping over to look at you, blotchy eyes and red cheeks and nose. Instantly she knew you were crying. 

“Are you okay?” She asked instantly, furrowed brows as she grabbed your arm in comfort. 

You shook your head, guilt still deep in your stomach, but now you could say what you wanted to say. “No, but have you seen Mark? I really need to speak to him” You asked, craning your neck to look beyond them to see the familiar perfect head of hair. 

“Mark?” Chenle asked, speaking up and you looked at him. “He left, like when you two ran off, he left” He explained, your eyes going wide. He was gone? 

“He left? Where did he go?” You asked, frantically trying to get a response out of Chenle who just shrugged his shoulders. 

You heard a familiar scoff coming from behind you. “Wouldn’t you like to know” Haechan said, sipping from his glass of liquor, your head whipping around to face him. 

“Haechan, please” You begged, walking up to him to meet him half way. You were desperate, needing to know where he was so you could finally look at him and say you love him. 

“No, do you know how messed up this is?” Haechan asked, a little upset at how you’re instantly wanting Mark after this whole calling off the wedding. At the end of the day, you are all the future of this nation, you all have to see one another frequently. It’s going to be awkward, because of you. Some peacemaker you are. “You just broke it off with Jaemin and now you’re running off to Mark? This all could have been avoided if you just didn’t say yes to Jaemin in the first place” “It’s so much more complicated than that and you know that” You replied, knowing that despite Mark being annoyed by Haechan, they were so close, too close. They were brothers, they told each other everything, you wouldn’t be surprised if Mark told Haechan so many things about you two. “It took us seven years, please don’t make me wait more”  

Haechan looked at how small you looked, how desperate, how you were giving him those pleading eyes that made it very hard for him to say no to you. He groaned, rolling his eyes as he gave in so easily to you and Mark. “You make it very hard to dislike you” He grumbled out, chugging the rest of his drink. “He’s staying at the Inn” 

“Thank you” You replied, instantly wrapping your arms around him, hugging him so tightly as he gently pushed you off. You instantly ran, running down the halls in your uncomfortable heels, running out of the doors and down the steps. Your feet slamming on the cobblestone as you run through the village, people stopping and staring, children looking at you with wide eyes because they’re seeing a Queen in a pretty dress. You made a bee line for the Inn, Mark couldn’t have made it to his room in time with how far the Inn was from the Castle. 

Sure enough, a familiar figure in the distance, passing a stall of food. You gasped, your run coming to a stop as you yelled out his name. “Mark!” He instantly turned around at the sound of your voice, confused as to why you were standing out here in your wedding dress, looking disheveled as your hair was falling out of its style. 

He began walking towards you as you followed his steps, meeting him halfway. “What’re you doing here?” Mark asked, confused to see you here. When you ran off with Jaemin after muttering the words “I can’t”, he assumed that maybe you were clearing things up, being honest with him about everything. 

“I love you” You confessed, a smile growing on your face as your chest felt lighter and your feet no longer hurting and the dress wasn't itchy anymore. Everything was perfect, it was right. 

Mark didn’t believe you though, shaking his head as he avoided your gaze. “You don’t need to say that” He mumbled out, trying to ignore the beating in his chest. 

“But I do! I love you, I’ve always loved you. It’s so obvious, I was just terrified that if we were together, it would all get ruined so easily and I don’t wanna lose you Mark. You’re my best friend and I love you. Don’t you see that? I’ve been a mess since you told me not to marry Jaemin because deep down, I was waiting for you to say that, waiting for you to tell me you love me and waiting for you to do something, because as much as I love your words, your actions are so special to me because you don’t do them much. I wanted to know that you really love me and not just some silly interpretation, but the confession you made today, the action of telling me to not marry Jaemin, everything, it was all I ever wanted because I want you” You ranted, words falling so seamlessly like the way words echo off the walls of the Wishing Well you and mark love so much. 

Mark listened to every word with so much attention, his brian making his heart beat faster as all he wanted to do was tell you how much he wants you too, needs you. You were everything to him and so much more. You were his best friend and his love. Mark didn’t have to say anything anymore, because now he can act without the fear of being rejected. Mark grabbed your face in his warm hands, his hands that reminded you of the warm and fiery sun, his lips crashing onto yours as it felt like the world was exploding into a beautiful super nova. Stars and fireworks, waterfalls, and magic were fueled into this one kiss. The first kiss in seven years and it was so much more than you imagined. 

“I love you so much” Mark whispered against your lips before kissing you again, trying to make up for seven years of missed opportunities. 

This kiss was filled with longing, yearning, and so much bittersweet candy. It was bitter because at the end of the day, you hurt Jaemin to be here, but it was so sweet because you could finally love your best friend without the fear of it all ending because you know, deep down in your heart, that Mark loves you more than he needs to breathe. You were so lucky to fall in love with your best friend, so damn lucky. 

“I love you too” 

“Do you, King Lee, take Queen Choi to be your wife?” The priest asked, Mark smiling happily as he instantly nodded. 

Two months had passed since you left Jaemin and chose Mark after years of being apart. It was hard to get things back to normal with Jaemin, you gave him his space until he was ready to see you again. However, Jaemin is understanding, too understanding that he decided to forgive and forget. Jaemin was too good for this world and too good for you, but he told you to stop asking for forgiveness because he doesn’t want to live in the past. He’s still searching for a wife, but you know whoever he marries will be the perfect girl for him. 

Mark was ever so sweet, holding your hand, kissing you so much and being so lovely. Honestly, your dynamic still felt the same, same old jokes, same old banter, just with the added plus of kissing and hand holding. Sneaking off from meetings now felt more exciting as you whispered in the halls, trying to find new places to hide away from your responsibilities. It was exciting, exhilarating, and just so much more than you ever could have imagined. Mark is idyllic, a word you associate with Mark so much after learning its meaning. When he proposed, the ring didn’t feel heavy, it felt light and it never blinded you, but led you to a perfect beginning with Mark. Your dress on your wedding day wasn't itchy, it felt right and felt real, the good kind of real. Your mind wasn't racing, it was slow and timeless as you saw Mark standing at the end of the aisle near the Wishing Well you both used to wish for each other. Your bouquet of flowers was now your favorite because not only did you get to choose, but Mark knew they were your favorite. 

“I do” He replied, his hands sweating as he held yours so tightly because he wanted to be reminded that this was real and not some dream he was going to wake up from. He was finally marrying you. 

“And do you, Queen Choi, take King Lee to be your husband?” He asked, you instantly smiled wider if that was even possible as you nodded. 

“I do” You replied, your stomach growing warm as your mind filled with every laugh, every tear, everything that made you and Mark. 

Your jokes, your hurt, your words, your hugs and longing touches that lingered, the way his hands burned your skin that it was engraved on your skin. How your stare was something Mark could read so easily because he knew you so well, how he can tell when you’re sad, happy, excited, or just quiet. You both were so intertwined in each other that it all made sense, it all made it more real that you two loved one another on top of loving each other as friends. 

“You may now kiss the bride” Mark instantly grabbed your face, his lips gently touching yours as you sealed your marriage with him. 

Years and years of waiting suddenly felt like nothing when you look down at your ring finger a few days from now, calling Mark’s name as he turns around to meet you with a smile. It was always going to be Mark, never once was it going to be about another person because Mark was always there with you. “I love you” You said when you both pulled away from your kiss, everyone cheering with Haechan clapping so loudly and yelling Mark’s name. 

“Not as much as I love you” Mark replied, leaning in for a kiss again, it was so gentle and innocent. It reminded you of your first one and damn do you wish for every kiss to be like this one. Good thing that there was a Wishing Well next to you both.

*gigi speaks*

EEEEEE ITS FINALLY HERE the first installment of the Once Upon a Time series, so exciting. I hope you all enjoyed this monster of a fic, i’m sorry it took me so long, it was just a lot. I loved these two tgt, they’re so complicated and contradicting people with their inner conflict and i just, seven years it took them so long! But yeah, i’m happy with how this came out, maybe in the future i’ll make some edits idk, but honestly, this is prob one of the best fics i’ve written and i’ve worked so hard on it and so much of my blood sweat and tears went into this and i hope you all honestly enjoy this fic

up next is our pretty boy renjun, so excited for that fic because of all the magic, i’ll see you all soon!

Taeyong stepped closer, his tone hardening. "Donghyuck is unlike any demon you’ve faced before. He thrives on manipulation. He’ll twist your thoughts, bend reality to his will—and he’ll do it with a smile."

Your lips curled into a smirk. "Sounds like he’s overdue for a reality check."

Taeyong, unamused by your humor, handed you a scroll sealed with Heaven’s golden crest. "He’s currently blending in at a human establishment. You’ll find him at a bar tonight. This is a high-priority mission, Y/N. Don’t let your guard down."

Taking the scroll, you gave a mock salute. "Understood. Catch the charming demon without falling for his tricks. Piece of cake."

Taeyong’s expression softened slightly. "You’re one of our best, Y/N. Just remember, even the best can falter."

You turned to leave, the weight of your mission and Taeyong’s warning lingering. Yet beneath your determination, a flicker of curiosity sparked. Lee Donghyuck may have been a master manipulator, but he had yet to meet you. And you were ready to change that.

As the gates of Heaven’s command closed behind you, the celestial light faded, and you descended into the human realm. Prepared for whatever, or whoever, awaited you.

The mortal realm was as chaotic as you remembered—vivid neon lights pulsing against dark city streets, laughter and music spilling from bars and clubs. Humans thrived in their imperfections, their energy a stark contrast to the serenity of Heaven.

You landed silently in an alleyway, your wings vanishing the moment your feet touched the ground. You adjusted the black leather jacket over your fitted dress and took a deep breath, already sensing the faint trace of demonic energy lingering in the air. It was like static electricity—sharp, electric, and unmistakably Donghyuck.

Following the trail, you soon found yourself outside a bar at the heart of the city. The music was loud enough to make the pavement hum, and the atmosphere was charged with temptation. A fitting stage for a demon like Donghyuck.

Stepping inside, your gaze swept the crowd. Humans danced and drank without care, lost in their own worlds. But your focus remained sharp, cutting through the noise. You felt him before you saw him—a magnetic pull that set your nerves alight.

At the bar, Lee Donghyuck leaned against the counter, a glass of whiskey in hand. His dark shirt clung just enough to highlight his frame, the top buttons undone with calculated carelessness. His hair, messy but deliberate, fell over eyes that held both amusement and danger.

He had felt your presence the moment you crossed the threshold. There was no mistaking it—the celestial energy was as potent as sunlight cutting through storm clouds.

Instead of running, Donghyuck grinned. Of course they’d send someone like you. He could practically taste the resolve radiating from you, laced with a hint of curiosity. You were here to capture him, but oh, this was going to be fun.

When your eyes finally met, he lifted his glass in a mock toast. "Well, well. They finally sent me an angel. And not just any angel."

As you approached, Donghyuck’s grin widened. "Y/N, right? I’ve heard about you. Relentless, driven, dangerously stubborn. And they weren’t exaggerating about the looks.You’re fine as hell. Literally."

You stopped a few feet away, your expression unreadable. "Lee Donghyuck. You’re awfully calm for someone about to be captured."

Donghyuck chuckled, setting down his glass. "Captured? Sweetheart, if you wanted my attention, all you had to do was ask."

He leaned back, his posture relaxed but every word calculated. Let the game begin.

He tilted his head, studying you. “You’ve heard about me, haven’t you? I bet you were told to be careful. That I’m dangerous. Charming, too. Am I living up to the hype?”

“Dangerous, yes. Charming?” You gave him a once-over, unimpressed. “Not really.”

Donghyuck chuckled, “You wound me, angel.”

“Don’t call me that,” you said, your tone sharper than intended.

“What should I call you, then?” he asked, eyes narrowing in amusement. “Y/N? Or maybe something more affectionate? Sweetheart? Darling?”

You glared at him. “You think this is a game.”

“Of course it’s a game,” he said smoothly. “But I play to win.”

You weren’t about to let him get under your skin. His whole act was a distraction. A carefully crafted performance to make you hesitate. Too bad for him, you didn’t hesitate.

“I’m here to take you in, Donghyuck,” You said, stepping closer. “One way or another.”

He leaned in just enough to invade your space without actually touching you. “And what if I don’t want to go quietly?”

There was a spark in his gaze—a challenge. He was baiting you.

“I’ll drag you out of here if I have to,” You said flatly.

Donghyuck grinned. “Feisty. I like that.”

You crossed your arms, refusing to react. He could talk all he wanted; You weren’t playing his game.

“Tell you what,” he said, standing straight. “How about a little wager?”

“I don’t gamble.”

“No? Not even for me?” He held out his hand. “Dance with me.”

“What?”

“Dance with me,” he repeated. “Right here, right now. If I win—well, we’ll talk about what happens if I win. And if you win? You can do whatever you want.”

It was a ridiculous proposal. But there was something about the way he said it—calculated and deliberate. He wanted to see if you’d refuse. If you’d play by his rules.

You took a deep breath. “Fine. One dance.”

“Perfect.”

The bar’s floor wasn’t made for ballroom dancing, but that didn’t stop Donghyuck from making a show of it. He led you to the open space in the center, the music shifting to a sultry, pulsing beat that felt almost too fitting.

He turned to face you, all lazy smiles and swagger. “Ready?”

“Always,” You said, refusing to give him the satisfaction of looking nervous.

Donghyuck stepped forward, his hands hovering just above yours without making contact. The air between you crackled with energy. You weren’t dancing yet. This was still the warm-up, the buildup before the inevitable clash.

When you two finally moved, it was like a battle disguised as choreography. His steps were smooth and fluid, designed to throw you off balance. You matched him, each movement calculated to keep you in control.

“Not bad,” he said, spinning you effortlessly. “You’ve got some fight in you.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” You shot back.

He dipped you suddenly, his face just inches from yours. “I’m starting to think I like you.”

“Don’t get attached,” You said, your tone icy.

His grip tightened just enough to remind you he was still a demon—a predator dressed up as a prince. But you weren’t prey.

The music intensified, and the dance became a blur of sharp turns and close calls. Every movement felt like a challenge—a dare to see who would falter first. But you didn’t falter. You didn’t give him an inch.

As the song reached its crescendo, Donghyuck pulled you close one last time. “So, angel. What’s the verdict?”

“The verdict is that this dance is over.”

He didn’t let go immediately. His smile was softer now—still dangerous, but almost... curious.

“I’ll give you this,” he said. “You’re not what I expected.”

“And you’re exactly what I expected,” You said, stepping back.

As the last note of the song faded into the bar’s background noise, you prepared to make your move. Your hand twitched, ready to summon a blade of divine light the moment Donghyuck dropped his guard.

But when you looked up, he was already gone.

In his place, a napkin rested on the bar counter. Written in a bold, looping scrawl were the words:

Catch me if you can.

The napkin carried the faintest trace of brimstone, his calling card. You clenched your teeth. Of course, he wasn’t going to make this easy.

Fine. You weren’t one to back down from a challenge.

The chase was on.

Your search took you to a moonlit park just beyond the city limits. The air was crisp and quiet, broken only by the soft rustling of leaves. It was the kind of place that felt timeless—a perfect hiding spot for a demon who thrived on theatrics.

You moved with purpose, scanning every shadow and tree. The park’s fountain glistened under the moonlight, its water reflecting the stars above. And then, as if summoned by your thoughts, Donghyuck’s voice drifted through the night.

“Took you long enough.”

He stepped into view, his silhouette framed by moonlight. His shirt was still unbuttoned just enough to make you roll your eyes.

“Running already?” you asked, keeping your tone light despite the tension. “I thought you liked games.”

“Oh, I love games,” he said with a grin. “Especially when the stakes are this high.”

You crossed your arms, unimpressed. “Stakes? You’re just afraid to lose.”

Donghyuck tilted his head, his eyes narrowing playfully. “Afraid? Angel, I’m the one setting the rules.”

“Then why are you the one running?”

His smile didn’t falter. “Because it’s more fun when you’re chasing me.”

With that, he vanished again—one moment there, the next gone like a shadow slipping through your fingers. But not before leaving behind another note, tucked under a stone by the fountain:

You’re getting warmer.

The next location was an old theater, long forgotten by the city. Dust-covered seats lined the aisles, and faded posters of past productions clung to the walls. The stage loomed at the far end, its curtains drawn tight as if hiding something—or someone.

You moved through the theater with caution, every step stirring up dust and memories of past performances. There was no sign of Donghyuck, but his presence lingered—unmistakable, like the faintest hum of an encore waiting to be sung.

“You always had a flair for drama,” you called out, your voice echoing through the empty space.

“And you always had a flair for ruining it,” came Donghyuck’s reply, disembodied and teasing.

The sound seemed to come from everywhere at once. You scanned the seats and stage, but he remained hidden.

“You can’t keep running,” you said.

“Running?” His laugh was light, playful. “I’m putting on a show. Aren’t you entertained?”

“Not really.”

There was a sudden flutter of movement—a shadow darting from the wings of the stage. You lunged, but by the time you reached the spot, he was gone again. In his place, another note:

You’re persistent. I’ll give you that.

By the time you reached the rooftop garden, the city was bathed in the golden glow of pre-dawn. Flowers bloomed in raised beds along the perimeter, their colors muted under the fading moon. A cool breeze swept through the space, carrying the scent of lavender and something darker—Donghyuck’s presence.

You found him standing at the edge of the rooftop, the city skyline stretching out behind him. This time, he didn’t run.

“Tired?” he asked, not bothering to turn around.

“Hardly,” you said, stopping a few feet away. “You’re making it too easy.”

He finally turned to face you. There was something different about him now—less playful, more contemplative. “You could’ve stopped chasing me a long time ago.”

“Could’ve,” you agreed. “But you made a mistake.”

His brow lifted. “Oh? And what’s that?”

“You underestimated me.”

Donghyuck’s smile returned, softer than before. “Maybe. Or maybe I just wanted to see how far you’d go.”

The distance between you felt both vast and nonexistent. He was close enough to touch, yet untouchable—always just out of reach.

“What happens now?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your celestial blade shimmered in your hand, its edge glowing with divine light. You leveled it at his throat, the distance between you reduced to a single breath.

“You ran long enough,” you said, your tone steady despite the storm inside you. “It’s over.”

Donghyuck didn’t flinch. If anything, he seemed... amused.

“Is it?” he asked softly. “Or is this just the beginning?”

His gaze held yours, intense and unyielding. You expected him to break eye contact, to try one last trick to escape. But he didn’t move. He just stood there, as if daring you to strike.

“You think this is a game,” you said.

“I know it is,” he replied. “And we both know you don’t want to end it.”

Your grip on the blade tightened. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“Oh, I know enough,” Donghyuck said, taking a slow step forward. The blade pressed against his throat, but he didn’t stop. “I know you could’ve taken me a dozen times by now. And I know you’re hesitating.”

“I’m not—”

“You are.” He leaned in, his face inches from yours. “You’ve been chasing me all night. But why?”

“To stop you,” you said, though the words felt hollow.

Donghyuck’s smile was faint but real. “Maybe. Or maybe you’re just as curious as I am.”

The rooftop fell silent, the only sound the distant hum of the waking city. Time seemed to slow, the air between you thick with unspoken possibilities.

You didn’t answer. The blade remained steady at his throat, but your mind was anything but.

Donghyuck’s eyes softened, the usual mischief giving way to something more vulnerable. He leaned just a fraction closer, his breath warm against your skin.

“Do it.”

The city stretched below, bathed in the soft golden light of dawn. From your perch on a cloud just above the skyline, you could see the world waking up—bustling streets, sleepy windows, and the distant hum of life. But none of it held your attention.

You held a single sheet of paper in your hands—the mission report. Donghyuck’s name was scrawled across the top in bold black ink, but your eyes were drawn to the red stamp across it:

Captured.

The word pulsed in your mind, its meaning both obvious and maddeningly unclear.

A flicker of movement caught your attention. Your gaze shifted to a rooftop nearby, where a familiar figure stood in the shadows.

Donghyuck.

Even from this distance, his presence was undeniable. He stepped forward, just enough for the light to catch the mischievous glint in his eyes. He held something in his hand—a single red rose.

With a casual flick of his wrist, he tossed the rose into the air.

It spiraled upward, weightless as it soared through the space between you. Without thinking, you reached out and caught it mid-flight. The petals were soft beneath your fingers, their scent faintly sweet with a hint of innocence. 

You looked back at him. He watched you, his expression unreadable but intense. Neither of you moved. Neither of you spoke, but your eyes softened and suddenly you were smiling.

With one last glance, you spread your wings and took flight. The clouds parted as you ascended, the world below fading into a distant blur.

But you couldn’t help stealing one final look over your shoulder.

Donghyuck remained on the rooftop, his eyes locked on the spot where you had disappeared. Slowly, a smile curled across his lips.

Not his usual smirk. It was Satisfied. Knowing.

The rose in your hand felt heavier than it should.

was your job to capture him or his heart????? who knows??????????????????

"yes, and the warehouse doesn't have much space to run because of the abundance of shelves so when she's looking around, she keeps thinking she's hearing something- which is actually the criminal riling her up and waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike."

"yes," you smiled. "now, he's going to attack, and another unfortunate cop who accompanied our detective is going to get killed by him while trying to protect the detective. so that gets the detective all messed up in her head and she's lost her gun but there's a dagger lying on the floor- remember the dagger i showed you for reference?"

yunho nodded and you continued. "the detective aims to hurt the criminal, not kill, but the lines must be blurred so when she is questioned about her motives, she wonders if she actually intended to kill the man."

"because there's the fact that the criminal is her colleague and that could have worsened her anger. she might have actually wanted to kill him," yunho recalls.

"exactly," you shift in your position so your legs are tucked under you. "now... where would the detective stab him? self defense, anger, confusion, all these elements."

yunho hummed in thought, his eyes running all over your body. something you had noticed that whenever he answered one of your questions, he would envision them on you. that might have made you a flustered mess in the beginning when his eyes would fixate on a spot on your body but it didn't really bother you anymore- you supposed as a surgeon, he got lost in vivid imagination or something.

"there's quite a few ways we could achieve that, but i think if you can narrow it down, it might help."

"somewhere near the heart? throat? something that would disarm the criminal immediately," you said.

yunho nodded slowly, his eyes fixated on your neck now and you subconciously adjusted your shirt. he finally met your eyes. "i think this spot might do the trick."

yunho fisted his hand but outstretched the index finger. "suppose this is the tip of your dagger, right? you would want to stab right here," he turned his hand to touch the space between his collarbones. "this spot is tricky because for males and females, it's not the same."

"oh?" you touched that same spot on yourself. "how so?"

"males usually have a thicker clavicle," yunho explained, stretching the collar of his shirt to expose his collarbones. "the gap between the two may be wider but it's definitely easier to stab a man here than a woman."

you touched your own collarbones for reference in confusion and when yunho had enough of your struggling, he scooted closer and touched the space between your collarbones with his finger. "this part. v-shaped, right? it's a bit straighter for men. so if your criminal was a woman, i'd have you stab them... right here," yunho trailed his finger up and dug it in that spot. you nodded. "the clavicle is a bit narrower in females too," he trailed his finger along your collarbones. "and positioned at a more diagonal angle-"

he didn't realise when he started rambling but when he met your eyes, he found them wider than usual and your lips parted, and only then did he realise the proximity between you two. you gulped and he felt that movement on his finger still situated on your skin and his own lips parted in surprise, his mind going black when your gaze fell down there.

and if that damned phone hadn't buzzed repeatedly, he would have done something about you. he definitely would have, ignoring all his strict rules, because there was no way you didn't feel a certain way about him. he was sure you did, especially now. especially when he drew back to check his phone and heard you let out a deep breath. you had been holding your breath all this time.

"i, uh... i have to take this call," he pursed his lips.

"of course," you nodded.

"i hope that cleared your confusion?" yunho dared to ask and when you stifled a smirk, he got his answer.

-------------------------------------------

[bonus scene that takes place after the big revelation]

it's been a long time since you woke up feeling like there was a weight on your chest, unable to breathe properly, hair matted to your face and your head spinning.

a nightmare. no-

a memory.

you checked the time- it was almost 4. you shook your head- maybe you should have pushed yourself to stay awake until you passed out so you could have a dreamless sleep. you always slept better when you were tired- not the healthiest habit, but that was how you overcame your sleeping struggles as a teen when your father passed away.

would you have to do this all over again?

you managed to walk to the toilet to wash your face, staring at the sink for the longest time and letting the water run through your hands as if it could wash away the weight of what you had done before finally snapping out of it and turning the tap off, exiting the toilet to go to the kitchen. you took a deep breath and sat yourself on a stool in the kitchen, taking small sips from your glass.

you could not go back to sleep now. not anytime soon.

you briefly wondered when yunho got home- was he home yet? lately, you had been going to sleep at odd times so you didn't run into him much, but you couldn't sleep for long- you would always wake up, just like you did tonight. the nightmares were plaguing your rest hours-

the glass slipped from your hand and crashed on the floor loudly, making you squeal a little. you winced at how loud it sounded in the dead hours of the night and you tried to find a spot on the floor that was not covered with shards- how exactly were you going to put your feet on the floor with all the glass around you-

"y/n? is everything okay?"

you sighed internally. "did i wake you up? i'm sorry, the glass just slipped."

yunho turned on a light and surveyed the mess. "stay right there, okay? don't move- i'll get the broom."

you nodded and waited until he started cleaning the shards from around you, making sure he got everything and then running to your room quickly to get your slippers. you thanked him, taking the broom and dustpan from him this time, spotting a tiny shard at the other end of the kitchen.

"were you asleep? did i wake you up?"

"i got home like, an hour ago," yunho said. "was just scrolling a bit. are you okay, though? you look pale."

"yeah, i'm okay," you put the broom in a corner and washed your hands. when you dried them and turned, you noticed yunho watching you intently. "what?"

"did you have a nightmare or something?"

he always knew. somehow, he always saw through you.

"is it that obvious?" you let out a short laugh. "do i look like a mess?"

"i mean..." yunho stifled a smile. "you usually do look like a hot mess..."

"lovely to hear that," you nodded and he grinned, stepping forward and encasing you in his arms as he peered down at you.

"won't you talk to me about it?"

"what's there to talk about?" you cocked your head and yunho's heart sank a little at the way your eyes went blank. "i killed a man, yunho. again. of course i will have to live with the consequences now."

yunho licked his dry lips and he knew you had zoned out at the way your gaze was fixated on his face. "can i ask you something?"

it took you a moment to come back to your senses and nod. yunho took a deep breath. "do you regret killing the man who almost killed your father?"

"everything went wrong after i did that-"

"but if you could go back in time, would you change that?" yunho asked.

"no." you were sure you would make the same decision. "because if i had not done that, he would have killed all of us."

"so... do you regret killing the man from a few days ago?"

"not at all," your response was quick. "he was going to kill you. i would have done the same, no matter who it was."

yunho brought his hand to your cheek and caressed it, his eyes full of love. you continued, "but that doesn't change the fact that i have killed people."

"i know," yunho said. "you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. it won't get easier, it will always hang like a noose over your head. but if you keep all of this to yourself... it will only get harder, y/n."

"i just... i don't know what to do," you exhaled a deep breath, looking away. "i feel so helpless. you've done so much to help me, hell, you almost took the blame for it, but still..."

"all these feelings are normal," yunho took your hand and started guiding you to the couch in the living room. you both settled down close to each other with yunho's hand on your shoulder, his thumb caressing your neck. "but if it's troubling you to the point of nightmares... why didn't you tell me earlier, y/n? if there's anyone who can relate to you..."

"it's you, i know," you smiled a little. "and i'm okay, for the most part, but for a while that night, i really thought it was all over, and that scared me so much, yunho."

"it's okay-"

"it's not the remorse that's eating me up, see?" you let out a short laugh. "it's... the fact that it's not the remorse eating me up but my selfishness when i was scared that you were going to take the blame and i would have to pick up the pieces of what was left all by myself. that your friends would hate me for the rest of our lives. that you would rot away in prison, like my father did, and i would never get to touch you again. it's wrong, isn't it? that this is the product of my nightmares and i don't need to sleep to feel this? does this make me a monster, yunho?"

if yunho could tell you how he felt at that moment, perhaps you would cower away, but he just had to ask you something. "do you still think you're the monster when i'm right in front of you?"

you looked at his unbelievably soft gaze and furrowed, somewhat confused brows. the dim lights from the kitchen softened half of his face, but even the shadows on his face didn't change who he was. you found his hand on your neck and held it, pressing your lips against his palm.

"i have killed more people than i can count, y/n," yunho continued, his voice pained. "but if that means that the world is somehow safer, i will continue down this road no matter how weary i get. does that make me a bad person or a good person? i realised long ago that i needed to stop categorising myself into one category, however... i sure as hell wouldn't call myself a good person," he let out a short laugh and you shook your head.

"if you weren't a good person, you wouldn't have tried to take the blame for me that night. and on that note... what were you thinking when you did that? without hesitation? can you imagine how wrong it could have gone if you got caught at that time-"

yunho leaned in and captured your lips in a deep kiss and thought it took you by surprise initially, you quickly melted in his grasp, your heart fluttering uncontrollably at the way he held and kissed you. when he drew back, he lingered for a few moments before looking at you.

"i would have done that anyway, no matter the consequences," he told you and you smiled sadly. "for you... i would do it again. so will you listen to me? will you let me help you?"

you nodded and he pulled you in for a hug. you scooted closer, almost sitting in his lap as you wrapped your arms around his waist, fisting the material of his sweatshirt.

"i know how hard it is to live with what we have done, no matter how we feel about it or think we feel about it," he caressed your head. "we think we have it all figured out. we think we'll be okay but really... it's still a human life, isn't it?"

you nodded- he was absolutely right.

"i harboured so much negativity in myself when my parents were killed. i thought if i would face their killer, i would not hesitate to kill him, but i did, and it cost me my sanity for a good while. if it weren't for hongjoong and mingi helping me figure out everything that was going on... i would have been so lost. i still think i am- the twisted, monstrous part in me is okay with what i do-"

"please don't call yourself a monster," you whispered. "you're anything but."

yunho embraced you tighter. "thank you for believing in me, but you should also tell yourself that."

and that's when it all made sense, what yunho was trying to tell you. it wasn't okay, it probably never will be, and it never should be. that's what you have to live with, and that's what will ultimately differentiate you from the actual monsters in this world.

"how do i convince myself i'm not the same as them?"

"that's what i'm here for," yunho laughed and you joined, drawing away from him. "but actually... i have a suggestion for you."

and that's how he told you all about mingi, the psychiatrist and the therapist who would never judge you no matter how dark your deepest thoughts and desires were. the person who would be able to understand your situation better than anyone else in this world since he was also a part of what yunho did. and most importantly, the person who wouldn't convince you to be someone you weren't. someone who wouldn't put you high on a pedestal or push you to your lowest. you adored the look on yunho's face when he told you all about his friend and you thought that mingi must be an admirable person if yunho believed in him so much.

and that night, he made a vow to you- he would always be there for you. he would be there to help you with the nightmares because he wished someone was there for him too. he would make sure you get proper sleep, and how couldn't you, if you were in his arms, safe and secure? how couldn't you, if you were showered in kisses before you fell asleep? how couldn't you, if you were enveloped in his scent that felt like home now?

the nightmares wouldn't easily stop but at least you wouldn't feel alone now, and that was all that mattered.

----------------------------

[something romantic but unhinged bc man now that i'm writing guerrilla again i wish i made it even longer LMAO]

[mdni!] [and do not interact if you're not comfortable with dark themes]

"yunho, what if your dark fantasies take over while we're having a moment and you kill me or something?"

yunho almost choked on the last sips of hot chocolate you had made him and he put the cup down on the table before shutting his eyes, inhaling and then opening them to glare at you.

"what stupid book are you reading now, babe?"

you pursed your lips in guilty admission. "you don't need to know that."

it had been a good few months into your relationship with yunho now, and he knew to expect odd questions like these way before that. when you first moved in, the questions had been related to your crime fiction wip but now that you were comfortable with him...

too comfortable, he thought. you couldn't ask something like this while you were seated so casually, defenceless across the couch with your legs in his lap while you used your tablet probably to edit your current draft.

"but do you think it happens? do you have moments like those when you... you know."

"when i what?" yunho smirked. he could play this game.

you immediately knew the mood had changed when his eyes glinted playfully. one thing about yunho was that no matter how strange or ridiculous your questions were, he would always answer.

"i won't judge you, i promise," you laughed a little. "but do you ever want to? or do you think others do?"

"words. i need you to say it out loud," yunho sat back cockily while his hand rested on your thigh, squeezing it almost suggestively.

and you knew it could only go one way from here. one thing about yunho was that no matter how strange or ridiculous your questions were, he would always answer-

practically. whenever he could, practically.

"if you're about to see if you feel like killing me right now, no thanks. and for your information, i can fight back."

"can you?" yunho scoffed.

"i've killed two men."

yunho laughed mockingly at that. "two. such a cute number."

your heart sank at that but you tried to lighten the situation. "okay, yeah, i should probably stop reading stupid books-"

"do you want me to check and see, though?" yunho cocked his head dangerously, removing his hand from your thigh only to hold your hand and pull you closer.

"geez, you really take answering my questions so seriously," you teased. of course he would never hurt you, but the thought of where this could lead to excited you in too many ways and you internally slapped yourself. "i guess i'll find the answer if i live to tell the tale?"

yunho pulled you properly in his lap, one hand stationed across your legs to keep you close to him while the other hand stayed on your neck, his thumb caresseing your adam's apple. you loved putting yunho in this headspace, when his gaze darkened as he thought about all the ways he would mess with you.

"do you know how easy it is to take someone's life if you press this wrong?" yunho pushed your adam's apple with his thumb just a fraction. "even just a little pressure can make it difficult to breathe."

you twisted away from him to put your tablet away and then put your own hand on his neck to feel his adam's apple. you pressed it a little just like he had demonstrated and nodded in understanding.

"it's ironic then, isn't it?" yunho looked up at you. "that some of the most sensitive spots on a human are around there?"

before you could ask him to elaborate, he pulled you closer to kiss you on the side of your neck and you gasped when you realised where this was going. he didn't stop there, though, no. he flipped you effortlessly so your back was flat on the couch and he was on top of you. before you could process anything, he was back to peppering kisses along your neck, planting a rather long one right on your adam's apple before finding your sweet spot and continuing to kiss and suck there.

your back arched in pleasure when one of his hands went to hold your waist but found your bare skin instead, your shirt having ridden up. you squirmed under him, one hand at the nape of his neck. when he was satisfied after earning a loud moan from you, he drew back to admire the bruising mark on your neck.

and then he grinned at your breathless form.

"that was so out of the blue," you laughed.

"i'm nowhere near done though," yunho kissed your temple, trailing his lips down along the angles of your face and then kissing your jaw sweetly. you brought your limp arm up to fist his shirt and crash your lips on his because he should stop teasing you already. yunho smiled into the kiss before responding enthusiastically and you tasted chocolate on his lips which made you hum in satisfaction.

yunho took that as his cue to escalate things further. while he kissed you, he let his hand travel down your body until it reached the waistband of your shorts. he broke the kiss to look at you and make sure you were okay and when you nodded, he pulled them down a bit to slide his hand down and he looked at you in surprise.

"you're soaking wet," he laughed a little. "tell me, which part turned you on?"

you slapped his hand and he laughed louder, pecking your lips and drawing away to lock eyes with you just in time to see your reaction when he slid a finger along your slit. he captured your gasp in another kiss and soon, things got all heated up. the sound of your moans were swallowed in his kisses as he slid two fingers knuckle-deep inside you and started thrusting them, curling them inside to earn loud gasps from you.

"so responsive," he praised, trailing kisses down your neck again and finding another spot to suck at. it was good that you mostly stayed at home, you thought. he had a thing with marking you and you could only imagine how much a hassle it would have been to cover it on a daily basis.

"yunho," you gasped when his thumb started circling your clit. it hadn't even been that long that you started getting more physical but he sure knew all your buttons. "please."

"please what?" he breathed against your adam's apple, reminding you once again how this all started.

"i'm so close," you moaned.

"already?" he tsk-ed, kissing the protruding spot on your neck. "how badly do you want it?"

you cupped his face and kissed him in answer, your tongues colliding in the passionate makeout which only sent another wave of arousal through your body and you shivered against him. he knew you were close so he drew apart and made you rest your head against the cushion again.

"you asked me about my dark fantasies, right?" yunho almost whispered and you nodded, anticipating what was next. "not the darkest fantasy, but a good start- choking."

you frowned- choking was pretty common... no?

"there's a very subtle difference in choking for pain and choking for pleasure," yunho explained, his hand around your neck now, his other hand still rubbing your clit in circles, his fingers pumping inside you slowly. "and sure, choking is common, but sweetheart..."

yunho pressed the sides of your throat for a second experimentally and you gasped. "feel that? see how everything you feel inside you becomes heightened but your senses grow numb?"

"yeah," you breathed, squirming under him- you were almost there. "pleasure."

"and if i pressed like this," he said, gently squeezing from the front- so gently that you almost didn't feel anything. "it would be to kill you. how faint is the line between pain and pleasure, y/n?"

you didn't realise when yunho sped up his fingers thrusting inside you but you were almost out of breath now and when he flicked your clit and provided the friction it needed to get over the edge, right when you could feel your orgasm beginning to wash over you, he leaned in to whisper in your ear-

"do you think i have dark fantasies like that?"

and you almost wouldn't have heard him because he pressed the sides of your throat, choking you right as your orgasm washed over you and your vision darkened, your back arching against him. everything was so heightened- yunho on top of you, his fingers inside you, his hand palming your clit, the other hand squeezing your throat like a choker necklace, his lips on your temple in a kiss, his thighs caging you, but the most heightened of all-

his question, the itch in your brain yet to be scratched. it clouded your thoughts as you took deep breaths to recover from the orgasm, as he kissed you everywhere and drew back to clean his fingers with tissues.

"so..." you breathed. "you won't be answering that, will you?"

“‘Minimal noise especially during the day, no intervening in each other’s business, an absolute no to bringing over people even if they are your family- if you have to, on a three-days notice, and… no getting to know each other. The workshop in the garage and the upper floor is off-limits.’ I believe I got them right?”

“You have an exceptional memory,” Yunho was impressed for once. “Why did you move here?”

“I’m sure you read my response in your form too, but to put it simply, I can’t afford a nicer place, though I’m curious why a doctor is living in such a dodgy little house in a shady town-”

“I, too, need to make ends meet,” Yunho explained even though he could have easily ignored your question. “Circumstances. Besides, I get a whole house instead of a cramped apartment in the city, and my workplace is close.”

“I know! Cramped apartments are suffocating. Even though I’ll only own a room here and share the floor, at least it’s a… house.”

Yunho nodded. “I’ll give you three days to settle down and break any rules except the ones mentioned in the form. Now, I understand that you can cook?”

“Always been a good cook,” you said proudly. 

“We can share the kitchen expenses and if you cook enough for the both of us, I can take 40 percent off your rent. Fair offer, isn’t it?”

“Peculiar is what it is,” you told him. “But I won’t question you. If I have to cook, might as well for the both of us. Saves me money in the long run, and I need to save every penny I can.”

“Right. There are a few cabinets locked in the kitchen, please don’t try to open them. I can’t think of any other rules right now, but try to keep it down, will you? And again, the upper floor is absolutely off-limits.”

“Got it,” you nodded. “Let me know your usual schedule so I don’t think there’s a serial killer entering my apartment in the middle of the night.”

Once again, Yunho had to stop himself from twitching in surprise. “What’s your obsession with serial killers and murders? You’ve mentioned them numerous times in the past half an hour.”

“I think the rules go both ways, Dr. Jeong Yunho,” you smiled teasingly, opening one of the bags and taking a deep breath at the amount of books in it. “But if you have to know… my genres are crime fiction and mystery. I hope I don’t scare you away, especially if I ask you something odd about human anatomy.”

Yunho almost gaped at you before shaking his head and exiting your room, absolutely unnerved by you in a mere half an hour. It was crazy- usually, he was the one making people feel alarmed or discomposed, but you were an odd one for sure. However, as with every past housemate, he was sure you were going to get on his nerves and he would have to either bury your bones in the backyard- consequently breaking the ‘code’- or plan something elaborate and chase you out. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want you to be a pleasant person to share the house with. But when he opened the door at about 1am to a distraught looking girl that didn’t even reach his shoulders carrying six bags, some bigger than her… he wondered if he should kick you right out and remove the ad he had put in on a few websites looking for a ‘peaceful’ housemate. He was sure you must have some thoughts about him too- he wasn’t the most welcoming person and people would eventually get curious about his closed-off personality and start snooping around.

For now, Yunho peeked into your room from the stairs- you had your hands on your hips and were assessing the room, probably planning how you could fit everything in there. He checked the time- he needed to leave soon. Praying silently that you would just fall asleep or something instead of snooping around, he went to his room to get ready.

You, though, had no plans to sleep tonight. You needed to set your room and get some sleep so you could meet the deadline of your draft that was due this weekend- only three days away. You assessed the space in the room again- if you could move the bed to the corner, you could place your computer table and chair there which would be arriving in the morning. You could line the books along the rest of the walls on the floor. You didn’t need any fancy shelves. Thankfully, this room had its own closet so you wouldn’t need to worry about where to fit your clothes. 

You exited the room into the living room space, wanting to get the bearings of this house. The toilet was right in front of your room and one of the reasons you moved into this dodgy house was that it was… a good house. A toilet all to yourself was a blessing, and upon checking it looked clean. 

The living room wasn’t too big but it looked cosy. You noticed a lack of personal belongings and decided to add a few potted plants on the windows soon. There was no TV but you had a projector and if you moved the couch, you could have a whole plain wall which was perfect to watch dramas when Yunho would be away. The kitchen space was at the opposite end with a large countertop in between and it looked like Yunho had most of the kitchen appliances already. 

And at the end where the main door was, there were stairs leading up to the doctor’s space. Off-limits. You wondered why he was so uptight but you figured that as long as he was letting you live almost for free in return for home-cooked meals and maintaining the house, you could tolerate him. It was strange if you thought about it but you didn’t have the luxury to overthink right now.

You finally had a place- better than an apartment, yet something you could afford. You found yourself smiling. You just need to meet your deadlines now and hopefully publish your book by the end of the year- before the publishers change their mind. 

But first… coffee.

You went to your room to get the bottle of your favourite coffee blend, which was really a mixture from a few different brands that you had come up with after years of experimentation. You set two cups on the counter and checked the fridge for milk. You weren’t sure about the doctor’s preferences so you made a simple latte like your own. You were just finishing up when you heard the dull footsteps of him descending the stairs. 

“I made coffee…” you trailed off- now that he was in a white button down and black slacks with his hair styled, it finally settled in.

Doctor Jeong Yunho was pretty damn attractive.

“Uh…” he looked around awkwardly before grabbing the mug and taking a sip, raising his brows in surprise. “This… is actually pretty good.”

You grinned. “My own blend.”

He made an impressed face and you took that opportunity to ask. “You don’t mind if I make a few changes to this floor, right? Nothing major, just a few plants here and there, maybe get a chair or two, move the furniture around to make space for the projector?”

“Isn’t it too early for that?” Yunho frowned. “I might kick you out before that. Or you might end up leaving-”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” you dismissed. “What I mean is, I’m staying out of your way so you would have no reason to kick me out because I really, really cannot get a better deal than I got with you.”

“Sure, then,” he finished his coffee. “Do whatever you like as long as you stick to the rules. I’ll be on my way then.”

You relaxed, mind already buzzing with ideas as you headed towards your room to fix your draft.

—-------------------------------

The trial period Yunho had given you was over and you were now seated in the kitchen with your third cup of coffee since midnight, awaiting your judgement.

Really, you were telling yourself that you shouldn’t worry. If you had to be your own judge, you had done a spectacular job of staying out of the doctor’s way except when unavoidable- which was usually right before he left for work around midnight when you would both eat dinner, or his usual shift in the later hours of morning. He insisted that he was fine eating alone and you didn’t have to wait for him to eat your own dinner, and yes, he sounded like he could be anywhere but there, but you told him that if you were cooking for him, you’d rather he eat at least one meal with you. For what reason, you didn’t give and he didn’t ask.

You didn’t give because you may be a self-proclaimed good cook but you were also someone who was sensitive. And that meant that if Yunho didn’t like something you cooked, you would be ready to take constructive criticism and improve. 

And he didn’t ask because he could see that you were a sensitive one. He knew the moment he told you off for filling the house with potted plants within one day and you almost teared up asking if he didn’t like the signs of life around the house. He actually almost laughed at that but when he realised you were serious, he told you he wouldn’t take care of the plants. You told him you wouldn’t expect him to because the plants were ‘your babies’ and had moved two houses with you already. 

So yes, you stayed out of his way. You cooked for him. You cleaned the house quite a bit- so much that Yunho almost didn’t recognise his own porch because of how different it looked in the span of a few hours that he was absent from the house. He made a point of telling you right after that your trial period wasn’t up, and you made a point of retorting with how you were just waiting for him to give in, to which you earned a scowl. By now, you knew that the doctor was not very friendly- at least not immediately. You wondered if that was the reason why he had troubles with his past housemates. 

When you heard the sound of keys jingling and the door unlocking, you straightened and started heating up the dinner- you kept it traditional today- rice, beef and a lot of side dishes. Perhaps, it was your last attempt to win him over, and your heart was beating loudly with anticipation. You never waited for him to come home and share a meal in the early hours of morning but today, you made an exception. You turned around to greet him-

Finding his clothes stained with what had to be blood. His hair was all messed up as well and he had a bruise on his cheek. You exhaled. “Looks like somebody had a long night shift.”

“What are you doing this early in the morning?” He took off his shoes that you noticed were quite muddy. It hadn’t rained in a few days so you briefly wondered where he had been, but you shook your head.

No questions asked. That was the rule.

“Prepared breakfast? For you,” you scratched your suddenly itchy neck. “For obvious reasons. Last attempt to bribe you before you announce your decision.”

Yunho scanned you for a few moments before he said, “I should change first.”

“Of course,” you nodded. “I’ll set the table in the meantime.”

Yunho nodded and went upstairs, going to the room at the end of the hallway and dumping his shirt and trousers in the washing machine, turning it on. He needed to get rid of the blood as soon as possible and detergent wouldn’t be enough so he grabbed a soap and rubbed the stains on his shirt for good measure- now, the clothes would wash themselves. 

It was almost a mechanical routine now, he scoffed at how his hands worked on their own now. He went to his room, unlocking it and changing into sweats. Usually, he didn’t eat much before sleeping- after all, due to his night shifts, he slept for most hours of the day and breakfast wasn’t something he cared about, but the smell of beef was making his stomach rumble. He figured he could make an exception today.

By the time he joined you at the table, there were a variety of dishes in front of him and he raised a brow at you. “You really went all out, huh?”

“Of course I would,” you shrugged. “But I’ll be honest. I got most of these side dishes as a gift from one of my friends from work.”

Yunho nodded, thanking you for the meal and eating silently, waiting and waiting but you never asked him about his bloody clothes. Did you dismiss it because you thought it might be from a patient? Or because you simply didn’t care? Was he lucky then, having found you as his housemate? Because one of the qualities he needed in his housemate that he simply couldn’t have stated in the form was a lack of curiosity or inquisitiveness. It was different than being nosy- he could deal with nosy but not someone who would overstep their boundaries because they were curious.

It was why he was apprehensive of you at first. You were a writer. Writers had to be curious and inquisitive, and you were. He knew you were only beginning right now, but the few occasions you had been curious, he was thrown off. And for the right reasons-

“As a doctor, do you think it’s more painful to bleed to death or to drown?”

“As a doctor… do you think a sharp pencil stab to the jugular vein could be fatal?”

That was really all you ever asked him. His opinion as a doctor. You asked with such simplicity that he couldn’t help but stop whatever he was doing and really think about the answer-

“I personally think it’s more painful to drown. The water burns you from the inside. Bleeding to death… you stop feeling things at a certain point and it gets easier from there.”

“Well, it depends on the location of the stab but I reckon if it’s around the base of the neck, it could be fatal. But it would have to be embedded quite deep, and then extracted so a person can bleed to death. If it stays in, there’s no point.”

And his answers would earn him your satisfaction and suddenly, you would be muttering to yourself and going for your room, probably to note it down. He had done his research there too- if he was going to have you as his housemate, he needed to do a background check on you. He didn’t find anything odd in your socials- you tended to stay anonymous and most of your blogs were writing-focused. And when he snooped in your room while you were away grocery shopping, he only found various notes and books on crime and methods of serial killers. He was ashamed to admit he spent quite some time on that book and learned a lot.

So now, having finished the delicious breakfast (you really were a good cook) and finding you uninterested in his whereabouts and the aching bruise on his cheek, he finally cracked the first smile in three days. 

“I’ll let you live if you take care of the house like you have been so far. And you really don’t need to wait for me during meals. The rules are still the same.”

You let out a breath you didn’t realise you had been holding and laughed in relief. “Thank you. I’ll stick by the rules, and I’ll probably have dinner with you if I’m not busy- I don’t like eating alone, to be honest. You can pretend I’m not there if that’s what bothers you. Also…”

When Yunho urged you to continue, your shoulders relaxed in relief but your brows crunched in annoyance. “Do you have to bring your muddy shoes inside? I just cleaned.”

Yunho looked towards the doorway. “I can’t leave them out.”

“Well, I can’t have muddy shoes inside, so you’ll have to do something about it yourself or else I’ll be annoyed and have to clean them myself and you do not want me cleaning your shoes-”

“Okay,” Yunho waved a hand to shut you up. “I’ll take them off on the porch next time.”

“Good,” you folded your arms, considering him. “I think we’re good then.”

Yunho narrowed his eyes. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be saying that…”

“Well, now that we’ve settled everything, I hope you and I will get along,” you extended your hand and he warily shook it, aware of how small your hand was in his. “Now, since you’re a doctor, I must ask if you’ll take care of the loud bruise on your cheek before you sleep. We don’t want it looking worse than it already is.”

“I’ll take care of it,” he assured, and he couldn’t help but continue. “Aren’t you going to ask?”

“I’ll admit that I’m curious, but I won’t break a rule- and I won’t be tricked into breaking one either,” you winked at him and once again, he found himself smiling. “I’ll just assume you had a bad day at work or a rough case. You must often get them as a… surgeon?”

He nodded and you started stacking the dishes. “You can go rest now. I’ve installed a clothesline in the backyard- I really wonder where you’ve been drying your clothes all this time, but I won’t ask. You should try hanging your clothes outside this time.”

For a moment, Yunho wondered if he should have kicked you out.

“I just have a question before you disappear,” you turned and he paused in his tracks, wondering if his stealth was worsening. “It’s an odd one, for my book, but… approximately how long would a healthy man suffer with a stab wound to this area-” you rubbed the left side of your stomach, “- given the weapon is an old 12-inch kitchen knife that’s been sharpened way too many times?”

For a moment, Yunho wondered if he had forgotten to lock the cabinet in the kitchen that contained all of his knives. “You’re uh… oddly specific.”

“I have to be,” you shrugged.

“Well…” Yunho rubbed his chin, thinking of all the patients and victims he had dealt with so far. “Can I sleep on it?”

—-----------------------

Your life was finally not falling apart, for once.

In fact, perhaps this was the calmest that things had been for a good few years now, you mused to yourself as you mopped the floor, your usual instrumental playlist on a considerable volume playing in the living room. Ever since you graduated and had to face the reality of navigating through life as an adult, mostly on your own, you had to tackle a lot of struggles and obstacles. Sure, things got better when you finally signed a contract with a publishing company and started writing for them, but whenever you thought things calmed down, there was always something happening to make you feel like everything was falling apart once again.

Like a few weeks ago when you had to move out of your apartment that you had lived in for three years because the owner decided to sell the building and every tenant had to empty their apartment on a rather short notice. You were compensated but that wasn’t enough because everything was so expensive now. You couldn’t go back to your hometown- if you went back, you would never be able to leave again. So you scoured the internet and found your current place.

And things were finally okay. You did not have to worry about rent- you were doing a good job at maintaining the house and feeding the owner proper meals and so far, he had no complaints with you (he told you if he ever did, he would make sure you knew). You were now able to keep up with your weekly deadlines and finally able to overcome your writer’s block- all thanks to Yunho.

Over the past two weeks, while you could not say that Yunho had warmed up to you, he was getting there alright. You could tell because he stopped complaining about you overcleaning- or perhaps, he admitted defeat. He also stopped protesting when you joined him for dinner before he left for work at night and it was then you would ask him all the questions you had- mostly injuries related, sometimes medical law, but you found that he was knowledgeable in legal law as well. He was never curious about why you asked him all your odd questions, but one day, he asked you what exactly you were writing.

“I’m writing about a female detective who’s assigned to a case of serial killings in her precinct. The serial killer is a strange one because he does not have a fixed method of killing and his victim pool has no pattern, and at first the detective believes that there is a group of them which may or may not be working together, but towards the end, I reveal that there was only one… and the serial killer was from the same station as her so he always knew what to avoid.”

And that was the only time Yunho looked remotely impressed with what you did- if you didn’t count the time he saw you carrying a tower of books and wondered how a tiny thing like you could carry so much. After that, whenever you told him about your progress during dinner (you insisted you needed to talk out loud about it and if he didn’t want to hear it, he could say so because you were used to talking to the walls) he would offer clarifications at least about the things that concerned him. You asked him if he had dealt with a lot of fatal wounds in surgery.

“When I was a beginner, that’s when I got the worst of them,” he admitted. “But I don’t work in the fancy hospitals anymore. With some of my colleagues, we opened our own private clinic. The hospital life wasn’t for me- at least not right now.”

That was all he offered about his personal life and you didn’t ask why he couldn’t handle a hospital life right now. Perhaps, he was going through some of his own troubles like you were too. He tended to spend most of his free time out anyway so you figured that medical practice wasn’t the only thing he was doing.

Plus, he had a thing for cars- old, beaten up cars that he would fix in his garage that he called his ‘workshop’. He would dedicate his weekend to those cars and would become so absorbed that he would forget to eat. One time, you made a smoothie for him because he had skipped his meal and when you went to the garage and cleared your throat, he appeared in your vision, all rough and messed up. You stifled your smile and raised the glass in your hand. He simply asked you to leave it in the corner and go away. 

He forgot to drink that and you found it the next day in the same spot, to your dismay. 

You sighed to yourself when you recalled that day, placing the mop next to the wall while you cleaned the window in the living room. You spotted a car in front of your neighbour’s house where the old couple lived and you figured it might finally be their son paying them a visit. You had actually met the couple while on your way to the convenience store and they asked you if the doctor was giving you any trouble.

“I don’t know why he couldn’t have a housemate for so long,” the old woman shook his head in worry. “He’s such a kind young man. He checks on us every weekend even though he is busy and he makes sure we go to our monthly checkups.”

“Really?” That was unexpected. “Sounds like a kind young man indeed.”

She laughed. “You must be a good person if you’ve stuck around for this long. If he gives you any trouble, just let me know and I’ll give him an earful, yeah?”

You let out a short laugh, wanting to tell her that it was probably the other way round, but it had you wondering why his previous housemates didn’t last long enough with him. He wasn’t a very strict person and the rules weren’t something one couldn’t obey. Was it because of his cold demeanour? You had to admit that he was very mysterious and sometimes, you wondered just what exactly he did other than his medical practice. 

Maybe curiosity does kill the cat, so you would let it go.

You were just stacking the mops back in the shed when you heard the sound of Yunho’s bike- you could recognise the sound of his bike now- it wasn’t too loud like other bikes but had a deep sound. You turned to find him parking it in the garage and you checked your wristwatch.

“You’re… early today.”

It was half past four, the sun just starting to illuminate the sky. He usually came back when the sun was fully out. He took off his helmet and ran his hand through his hair, scanning you.

“Yes, I am,” he got off the bike, not offering an explanation. You didn’t need one either. He simply nodded at you once in greeting before going inside-

Leaving a trail of muddy boot prints again.

Cursing at him, you grabbed the mop and started cleaning after him, noticing he took off his shoes on the porch this time. You made a face at the shoes, wishing you could have made it at him and picked them up and wiped them on the grass to get most of the mud off before setting them back on the porch. When you got inside, Yunho cleared his throat.

“You don’t have to take care of my shoes, I’ve said it multiple times-”

“I just cleaned,” you clenched your jaw, turning to him. “Look. You’ve got rules in this house, and as your housemate, I’ll state my rules too.”

“Oh?” He looked amused. “Please, carry on.”

“Wipe your shoes on the grass before you take them off on the porch,” you exhaled, a weight off your shoulders. “I hate it when I have just cleaned the entire house and you come from work with your muddy shoes trampling all over my hard work.”

“Trampling might be a strong word…”

“You get my point,” you glared at him and he straightened, nodding. This was the first time he saw you angry and-

He was trying his best not to laugh right now.

“Any other rules?” He managed to ask without cracking up.

“Just…” you looked around. “Oh yes, I’ve got one. When you wash your hands in the sink, you should wipe your hands with that towel-” you pointed at the twin bunny hand towels hanging by the hook you attached on the wall next to the sink. “You can use the blue one. I have the towel for the purpose that you don’t go around spreading a water trail after yourself.”

This time, Yunho turned around and finally let out the laugh he had been holding back and you stood gaping at him, wondering if you should congratulate yourself for finally making him laugh or if the bubbling thing in your throat was your anger worsening. “What? If you don’t like that, you can kick me out.”

“No,” he turned around to face you, looking down. “I’m… sorry. I won’t do that again, I’ll abide by the rules. You don’t have to get so angry-”

“I’m not angry-”

Yunho stifled another smile, shaking his head as if to stop himself from laughing again and you narrowed your eyes. 

“You can laugh in front of me. I don’t bite.”

But perhaps, that was the wrong thing to say. His smile faded and he went back to being the same, cold doctor. “You should go to sleep now.”

Just like that, he dismissed you. He dismissed you like any other time you almost cracked through his cold, mysterious demeanour. And just like always, you let him dismiss you and left him alone.

He might not kick you out for setting these rules but if you continued to try to get him to break this wall he had built all around him… he would have no other option. Curiosity could kill you, you knew, but you were so curious about what kind of a person he was. You didn’t have many neighbours but the old couple insisted he was very kind and friendly when Yunho had been anything but friendly to you. He had been distant, unapproachable, sometimes talkative but rarely smiling like he had today. You refused to believe that this was who he was. He had the brightest smile and the most heartwarming laugh that you heard today, and you vowed to yourself that even though he might kick you out for crossing boundaries…

You would make him laugh. Slowly, and surely, you would break him.

—--------------------------

Yunho had had a few eventful days and perhaps, work was the only place he felt at home now, surrounded by all of his friends who knew him. Knew who he was. Knew and didn’t judge him for being the kind of person that he was. Sure, in his own home, he felt comfortable too (except for when a certain someone started nagging) but his true home was with his people.

And to find you pop up at his workplace without a notice made his eyes twitch in annoyance and realise that the urge to kill you might not be as strong as before but it was there alright.

“What are you doing here?” He said through gritted teeth, surprising not only the old lady from next door but also the staff who walked past you. 

“Jeong Yunho, that is no way to talk to a lady!” The woman said, shaking her head in disappointment and when you saw Yunho’s features soften when he met her gaze, you scoffed. “She was kind enough to walk me here- I’m having a lot of trouble with my vision all of a sudden.”

“You should have called the ambulance then,” Yunho frowned, taking the woman’s hand and guiding her across the hallway, disappearing at the end and you pursed your lips, deciding to take a seat in the waiting area.

You looked around- the clinic was big enough and the staff had been kind. It looked like it ran well. There weren’t many people here right now- only a few patients in the waiting and you read the board to see that there were a number of doctors available- a gynaecologist, dentist, paediatrician, psychiatrist, nephrologist, eye specialist, ent specialist and orthopaedic surgeon. You were reading the names of all the doctors when you felt eyes on you and you saw a man in a lab coat watching you with mild amusement. You looked away but when you realised he was still staring, you raised a brow at him and he finally approached you.

“I happened to see your interaction with Yunho earlier, and couldn’t help but wonder if you were the new housemate we’ve heard so much about?”

You were rendered speechless- first of all, he seemed to be pretty damn close with Yunho. Either that or he was nosy, but you knew Yunho wasn’t the type to keep nosy people around. And then… 

The housemate ‘we’ had heard so much about?

“Uh… You’re telling me that Dr. Jeong Yunho talks about me? Here? At his workplace? Who might you be?”

“I’m Dr. Jung Wooyoung,” he extended his hand and you shook it. “I’m the dentist here, and an old friend of Yunho’s. I don’t know if he mentioned but our friend group opened up this clinic here.”

“He mentioned colleagues, not friends,” you told him and he shook his head in disappointment. “But nice to meet you, doctor. I’m y/n, the housemate Yunho talks about a lot- all good things, I hope?”

Thus, Wooyoung started retelling every conversation he had with him about you and you found him very easy to talk to. There was just something about him that invited you to relax and let loose, and soon after you heard that Yunho had told them all about you being a nagger and a clean-freak weirdo writer, you were complaining about how Yunho was borderline mean to you and you found it hard to believe that he was the warm, kind and funny person that Wooyoung insisted he was.

“I mean… the lady that I brought with me? Our neighbour? I told her she was wrong when she said that Yunho was a kind young man, but you’re saying he’s the funny one? I haven’t seen him smile in days, Wooyoung.”

“He’ll get used to you in no time,” Wooyoung waved his hand in dismissal. “You just gotta keep trying. Me? I cracked him in two days.”

“No way,” you laughed. “I’ve only made him laugh once and it’s been about a month-”

“Haven’t you got patients waiting for you, Dr. Jung?” 

You froze, turning around slowly to see a tense Yunho standing at the corner, watching you two for god knows how long. You were about to apologise to Wooyoung for keeping him back but Wooyoung scoffed at Yunho.

“I expected better from you, mate. I like this one- I’m taking her to Hongjoong’s room,” Wooyoung said, getting up and helping you up too, steering you by your shoulders towards the hallway even though you protested and when you looked back to catch a glimpse of Yunho, you caught him shaking his head in disappointment-

But he let out a chuckle. He probably thought you couldn’t see him. He probably laughed because of Wooyoung. But he was going to get so mad at you-

“Don’t worry, he won’t kick you out,” Wooyoung almost whispered, winking at you. “If he tries anything, you come to me, okay? I’ll handle him.”

“Thanks,” you smiled awkwardly. “Where exactly are you taking me?”

“I would have taken you to Mingi, who’s Yunho’s oldest friend and would have given you tips on how to make Yunho give you the princess treatment, but he’s a little occupied right now so I’m taking you to Yunho’s second-oldest friend, Hongjoong.”

“When I accompanied the neighbour lady, I didn’t mean to intrude,” you paused in your tracks, looking at Wooyoung. “I’m not sure I should be here-”

“It’s okay,” Wooyoung assured you with a wide smile. “Relax. Yunho is not some big angry dude who’ll give you an earful at home. I’ll explain- and by now, he probably knows that I’m the one who’s basically kidnapped you.”

You laughed, allowing him to guide you to the eye specialist’s room and when you went inside, you saw the doctor packing his belongings. When he raised his head and brushed the dark strands away, he frowned at Wooyoung. 

“The guest doesn’t look too pleased to be here, Wooyoung.”

“This is Yunho’s housemate,” Wooyoung grinned cheekily and Hongjoong said a loud ‘oh’, greeting you. “She’s the writer, Hongjoong. The crime fiction writer.”

“Ah,” Hongjoong nodded. “I read your book when Yunho told us who you were- ‘In the Silent Hours’? Amazing read.”

You were genuinely touched. “Thank you so much. I wish I could say something, but Yunho hasn’t told me anything about you all.”

“We know,” he laughed. “He can be like that. I hope you had a good experience visiting us, though, and if you have any concerns, you know where to come.”

You looked at Wooyoung who was smiling proudly. “I have way too many questions but I won’t ask- Yunho has a ‘no interfering in personal lives’ policy,” you said and they laughed as if that was the funniest thing Yunho could have done. “I’ll drop by with cookies some day, if you’re okay with that?”

“Sounds great!” Wooyoung clapped. 

“I should really get going now and catch up with Yunho on our neighbour’s condition,” you said, excusing yourself and they enthusiastically said goodbye, making you unable to contain your smile as you made your way back to the entrance where Yunho was discussing something with a nurse-

Goodness, he looked so fucking hot in that lab coat with his hair done. You were positive his outworldly proportions were what made a boring lab coat look so attractive-

He caught you staring and when he finished talking with the nurse, he slowly made his way to you.

“Where’s grandma?” You asked. “Did you find out what’s wrong?”

“We’ve referred her to the nearest hospital and called her family- it seems to be a case of infarct and she’s lucky that she’s still walking and functioning like normal save for her eyes.”

“Oh-”

“And thanks to you bringing her so soon, we’ve managed to minimise the damage,” Yunho actually smiled this time and you let out a breath you didn’t realise you had been holding. “She’s resting right now- they’ll take care of her until her family comes.”

“Thank you,” you smiled. 

“Well…” Yunho checked the time and you did the same- it was almost 2 which meant he would be off soon. “It’s almost time to go home. You walked here?”

“Yeah,” you said. “I should get going then.”

When Yunho didn’t say anything, you said bye and turned to leave but then you heard the familiar voice of Wooyoung shout ‘take her home, don’t be an ass!’ and you stifled a grin, facing Yunho to assure you that you would be okay walking-

“I mean… we’re going to the same place, so… I could make an exception this time- like the other exceptions I’m making,” Yunho narrowed his eyes at you. “I will pretend today didn’t happen.”

“Oh, please, I’ll walk myself home-”

“I’m kidding,” Yunho smiled and you wondered if it was the place that made him comfortable enough to joke with you. “I would have considered dissecting you alive if you dropped by for no reason, but really, you did a good thing today. Think of it as returning the sentiment.”

“I really don’t get you,” you said, ignoring the reference he made to your last inquiry about dissections, waiting for him when he said he would get his things from his room. When he returned with his bag, helmet and without the lab coat, you followed him outside, repeating that. “I really don’t get you, Yunho. You seem like two different people in one body.”

“Perhaps, I am,” he mused. “And perhaps, you’re lucky I’m in a good mood today. Here, wear this.”

He handed you his helmet and you took it, watching him get on his bike. “What about you?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“No, you can wear this, I’ll be fine-”

“Y/n,” he warned, the sudden change in his pitch sending butterflies in your stomach. “Just do as I say. Now, get on and hold on tight. I’m not slowing down for you.”

And perhaps, you should have insisted more on walking back home because he sped through the streets, making you grip his jacket tighter with each passing second, but it was so thrilling that when you reached home, you almost asked for a second round. You took off the helmet and laughed out loud, shaking your head.

“It’s not my first time riding on a bike with someone, but it’s been ages. Can I get another ride one day?”

“Don’t even think about it,” Yunho warned, helping you get off and then parking the bike in his garage. “And I hope you don’t have any questions regarding my workplace today.”

“Oh, I have many, but…” you motioned to your lips, zipping them shut and Yunho nodded in approval, unlocking the house and going inside first. You muttered ‘ass’ and went to the kitchen, heating up everything you had made today, mind still plagued with the events of today.

—-----------------------

You finished plating the steaks, satisfied at your presentation, the cheese perfectly melted on top of the fried crust. It smelled heavenly and since you now knew that Yunho was an actual food enthusiast and a surprisingly gentle and constructive critic, the simple chore of cooking became something you started looking forward to.

When you lived alone, you never made much effort to cook for yourself, but now, things were different. Your house owner was reducing your rent in exchange for home-cooked meals and you could deliver, so you waited for Yunho who would be coming downstairs any minute- he had informed you that he had to leave for work early today so you prepared accordingly, though anyone could tell you were putting more effort into the meals now.

And that was because ever since the day in Yunho’s clinic, it looked like he was finally starting to consider you more than a housemate. You couldn’t exactly call yourselves friends- the rules were still the same, but perhaps, Yunho liked that you were a person of your word. You never talked about that day in the hospital, neither did you ask him about his friends. You never asked him what happened if he came back home at an odd time or if he suddenly went out in the middle of the night. You both respected each other’s boundaries and perhaps, that was what made him start opening up to you.

It wasn’t much, no. It was the little things- him offering to help you arrange the grocery or join you when you watched netflix. He would scroll on his phone, occasionally comment on whatever you were watching and then leave. It was him actually cleaning after himself when he accidentally brought his muddy shoes inside- you gave him a thumbs-up to acknowledge his effort and even that got him flustered, which you thought was cute. And it was him actually taking interest in what you were writing instead of giving answers to the questions you asked. 

When you heard his footsteps down the stairs, you pretended to be busy setting the table and he made an impressed face as he took a seat. 

“This is new,” he commented, waiting for you to sit before he could dig in.

“I’ve had this recipe for a while and finally felt the urge to try it,” you told him. When he took the first bite and nodded in approval, you relaxed and began eating yourself. 

“It’s been about two months. You don’t have to worry about what I think about your cooking. I’ll have it even if it doesn’t taste like something straight out of a restaurant.”

“Can’t tell if it’s a joke or not, but I like it when the other person starts first- when I cook,” you said. He understood. He always seemed to understand where you came from, which was why you both rarely ever disagreed on things.

“It’s really good,” he said. “Also, I wanted to, uh, inform you- there’s a fundraiser happening at the clinic to help the patients who can’t afford to pay their bills. If you would like to participate…”

You passed him a side-eye. “That’s not you talking, is it?”

“You’re right,” he looked guilty. “Wooyoung and Hongjoong forced me to. Something about… cookies?”

“Oh? They remember?”

“They said it’s a good opportunity to flaunt your baking skills if you’re up for it,” Yunho shook his head in thought. “I personally think it’s okay if you don’t want to bake for strangers-”

“When is it?”

“This weekend.”

“I can do it,” you said and when he looked like he was regretting asking you, you continued, “If you have some qualms about me personally attending it, I could just bake the cookies and you could take them with you.”

“No, it’s not that,” he scratched his neck. “It’s…”

“I know, and I don’t mind,” you assured him. “I agreed to your terms when I decided to move in here. I won’t interfere in your workspace if that is what you want-”

“No, it’s okay. It’s just… new for me too,” he admitted and you paused, a bit surprised to hear that. “I’ll let you know the timings-”

His gaze stuck on the kitchen counter for a few moments, prompting you to follow it and see that he was staring holes into the knife holder. You looked at Yunho again to make sure if that was what he was staring at and then his gaze went to the cabinet at the left end of the kitchen-

“Where did you get those knives?”

For a moment, you wondered if his change of tone was something you were imagining until he got up and slowly walked to the counter where the knife holder was, taking out one of the knives and examining it and then almost rushing towards the cabinet at the left end and opening it-

“I told you not to touch the locked cabinets, didn’t I?”

You would have perhaps trembled under his dark gaze if you weren’t so confused right now. “The locked cabinets, yes? But that one was unlocked?”

Yunho glared at you, knife still in his hand. “When did you check it?”

“I was looking for a knife strong enough to cut meat and I found this cabinet unlocked-”

“You used this knife to cut the meat?”

You could feel your hands get clammy by now, lower lip almost quivering and you hated how small your voice sounded when you said yes. He turned around and almost grunted in pain and you wondered just what you had done so wrong. Almost mechanically, you took another bite of your now cold steak. Yunho came back to his seat but instead of sitting, he dropped the knife on the table with a clang.

“You knew that cabinet used to be locked, didn’t you?” His loud voice shook you and you wondered what effect he would have if he shouted. “You keep breaking rules without breaking them-”

“Well it’s not my fault it was unlocked, okay?” You shouted this time, dropping your utensils on the table, frustrated. “You should have locked it properly then!”

Before he could respond, you stormed off to your room, shutting your door with a bang and he slumped down on his chair, trying to take deep breaths, trying to suppress the feeling of disgust he got when he looked at his half-eaten meal-

Because you fucking used his knife to make a meal for him.

The knife he had killed several people with.

How could he forget to lock it? He couldn’t recall not locking it, but still, how could he be so careless? How could he-

He heard a muffled sound- it was hard to miss because the house was usually very silent, but it had to be the sound of you sobbing and to his surprise, despite everything, something in his heart ached at the sound. Now that the cloud of anger was disappearing, he realised he had reacted irrationally. It was his fault for not making sure the cabinet with his murder weapons was locked. He kept them in the kitchen so it wouldn’t be suspicious if someone saw, but still, he should have hidden them well. And then what he said about you continuing to break rules when he himself invited you to the fundraiser-

Yes, Wooyoung suggested it but it was ultimately him who invited you. Yunho shook his head, disappointed in himself and wondered what to do. He came to the conclusion that for now, he needed to collect his thoughts while you sobbed. Shit, he thought. He must have scared you a lot. He had been told way too many times that he was a scary person when angry, and you did not have to see that when you spent an hour making him such a good meal. 

So, disappointed and praying to the heavens above that you at least washed the knives properly before you used them, he resumed eating, almost gagging through the rest of the meal and when he was done and had one glass of cool water down his system to calm himself, he finally mustered the courage to get up, be a man and apologise to you.

The thing about you, he realised since you moved here, was that you were odd in a charming way. When he was looking for a housemate who would maintain the house and cook, he didn’t expect someone who was so dedicated to the task. You were busy too, but it looked like you had shifted your schedule to adjust to his. When he was gone to work, you slept, and when he came back, you would be waiting for him. You had added life to this house and he couldn’t believe how much his mood had changed now that the house looked like a home and he ate well. 

You always gave and gave, expecting nothing in return. Perhaps, that’s just who you were. A good person, someone he could only wish to be. Someone who only wrote about horrible crimes instead of actually committing them. Someone who believed that her house owner was a respectable doctor and not a part-time serial killer as well.

That was debatable too. He had a purpose- he didn’t kill randomly. He only killed the people who deserved it. But that was a story for later- he couldn’t come into your room and tell you that reason, so what the hell was he doing standing in front of your door?

Yunho knocked gently and when you fell silent but didn’t respond, he knocked again. 

“Y/n? Can I come in?”

Silence.

“Please?”

It was the gentleness in his voice that made you mutter a small yes, but only after you wiped your tears away. Truth be told, you weren’t that sensitive. You weren’t sure why you ended up throwing a tantrum and crying tonight but you figured it was long due now. You just wished you could explain to him without becoming a mess again-

And then he opened the door, looking worriedly at you. Worriedly, with his brows scrunched and actions hesitant and you found your vision getting blurry with tears again. 

Dammit. 

You looked away but from the corner of your eye you saw him look around the room once before hesitantly walking to where you were- on the floor, back resting against the bed. To your surprise, he sank down next to you, mirroring your position.

“I don’t know how to say it, but I’m sorry,” he almost whispered. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It’s my fault.”

A fresh stream of tears left your eyes and you weren’t sure if it was because of what happened earlier or what he said now. He couldn’t simply come inside your room and apologise and act like it wouldn’t affect you.

“Will you look at me?”

You wiped your tears and turned to face him, hesitating to meet his eyes. He understood. He shifted a bit towards you. “No explanation will make it better, and I’m ashamed that I reacted this way when it’s my fault that I left that cabinet unlocked. I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you when you do so much for me without asking.”

“Yes,” your voice was quivering as much as your lips. “It’s your fault. I mean… I won’t ask but they are just knives, Yunho.”

And then you were crying again at the absurdity of it all and Yunho decided to take responsibility. He patted your head awkwardly and when you buried your head between your knees, he drew closer and wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” he attempted to sound sincere- he was, but you didn’t need to know that he was also stifling grins. “I scared you, right?”

“You did!” You cried. “Do you know how awful you look when you’re angry? And holding that knife? I thought you were going to stab me, Yunho.”

And this time, Yunho laughed heartily, making you laugh as well and push him away. He put a hand on the side of your face to cup it, still laughing as he said, “Please. Who would cook for me if I killed you?”

“I don’t know,” you pouted. “You have a lot of friends. Maybe one of them could cook for you.”

Yunho smiled at that, wiping your tears away and you suddenly felt conscious of the position you two were in, though he didn’t seem to realise it yet- or he was ignoring it, for once. “Sorry for almost yelling at you. And sorry for saying everything that I did.”

“It’s okay,” you assured him, scanning his features now that you were looking at him up close for the first time. You noticed how warm his eyes could look, how soft his features actually were. He looked perfect, and if it weren’t for all the rules that would cost you a living space, you would have crossed a lot of boundaries by now. “I’m sure you had your reasons- and I should have asked when I found the cabinet unlocked.”

“But that doesn’t justify my behaviour one bit,” he shook his head. “Now, will you come out and finish your dinner?”

“But-”

“I have finished mine,” he told you. “And now you should too. I’ll go heat it up.”

With a pat to your cheek, he left the room, leaving you wrapped in his clean and manly scent. You sighed deeply, avoiding the mirror but wiping your face before taking a seat back at the table. You watched him set the table for you. 

“You should go now,” you said. “You had to leave early. I’ve probably held you back a lot, I’m sorry-”

“I’ll go when you finish eating,” he insisted and you shot him a glare before picking up your fork.

“Just so you know,” you said as you took a bite, Yunho watching you earnestly. “I don’t usually become a crying mess like I just did. I’m stronger than that.”

“Whatever you say.”

“I am,” you glared at him again. “But I have my limit too. And today was all the pent up emotions from the previous two months.”

“All because of me, huh?”

“Don’t think too highly of yourself,” you teased. “I have other things to worry about too.”

“Of course you do,” he smiled.

“Yep. Like deadlines. And chores.”

“I hope the fundraiser won’t conflict with your deadline?”

“It won’t,” you told him. “You’re assuming I’ll attend.”

“I’ll make sure you do,” he said as you finished eating the last bite. “Because I’m the one who’s inviting you.”

Perhaps, this was another step towards a relationship more meaningful than housemates. Perhaps… 

He was finally starting to consider you a friend.

—-------------------------------

Sometimes, Yunho wondered if it was a good decision to have you as his housemate.

It wasn’t that you were doing anything wrong, no. You were perfect. Goodness, you were perfect and he both loved and hated that. He had no idea how he got lucky with you- and he was not thinking about the fact that he got to have delicious meals at home or his place looked maintained. 

It was about the things he could talk to you about, and hell, he didn’t even talk to you much. You probably had no idea how much he enjoyed your little questions about what was the most painful way to die or how you would kill someone in a certain context- it was the only time, perhaps, that he could be himself. He had spent a long time being convinced by his friends that he was not a bad person inside, and perhaps, they were right. But if they were…

Why did he enjoy talking to you about this stuff so much? Was it because these secrets were a burden to him, even though his friends knew? He never told them the details so perhaps, talking about killing people and hurting them in detail with you helped him in some twisted, cathartic way. Whatever it was, he was certain that he was getting addicted to watching you get impressed by his knowledge about such things he claimed was from years of his surgery practice, and he was also ashamedly addicted about how unhinged you sounded when you talked about the criminals in your fiction.

He was positive you couldn’t be an undercover-something. You couldn’t even hurt a fly, let alone a human. But the way you got excited when you talked in detail about a certain type of wound or method of torture… he often found himself zoning out and simply staring at you while you talked. Perhaps, he was the unhinged one, but he found you so attractive when you talked about what you loved writing about, and he was very close to asking you about what made you write such gory crime fiction novels. He would be breaking his own rule of not interfering in each other’s personal lives, but all rules be damned- he had to know what drove you to write all of this.

He was also pretty sure you weren’t as naive as you looked and probably found his habits weird. There was no way he could look redeemable after the knife incident. While you were gone the next day, he personally sanitised all of them because he was sure you were going to keep using those knives. He figured it turned out to be okay in the end- he had to change his murder weapons and method soon anyway. The police were starting to connect a few dots and he was sure they would come with a search warrant any day.

But perhaps, it was a good decision to have you in this house. If the police ever came, you could help with Yunho’s image. He felt guilty for using you for that purpose now that he was almost starting to care about you despite his principles but… in the end, it was all turning out to be good. All was well.

A bit too well, if he had to say, as he watched you get a little too chummy with Mingi and Wooyoung. You had done a good job at the fundraiser, having baked dozens of cookies and with some strange ribbon packaging you claimed was cute. He took care of the stall but you still brought a lot of decoration from the house to give it a personal touch, and not only the visitors but the staff were also impressed by your skills. Now that the event was done and you were wrapping up everything, Mingi and Wooyoung had casually joined you to help and to praise your work. Yunho didn’t miss the subtle glances they threw in his direction as if to tease him, and what could he say?

It was working.

“Are you gonna keep watching her like she’s your next target or are you going to make a move?”

Yunho shut his eyes in mild annoyance before looking to his right where Seonghwa stood with his trademark smile, nodding at the visitors who greeted him before they left. If anyone knew that behind the kind smile of the paeds doctor was one of the masterminds of their team that essentially rooted out the evil from the society… 

“I’d rather watch. I know Mingi or Wooyoung will say something stupid if I approach them now.”

Seonghwa chuckled at that. “She’s done a good job today. She’s extraordinary, Yunho.”

Yunho narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me that you two were discussing her novel when you took a break in the cafe.”

“You know what I think?” Seonghwa almost whispered as if letting him in on a secret. “If she was a part of our team, we could actually succeed in working with the police.”

“How?”

“Think about it,” he bowed at one of the elders who passed by. “Imagine her next work is about what we do. Crime fiction to others, but something the police could use to clean up our mess, yeah?”

Once again, Yunho was in awe of the way Seonghwa’s mind worked. “The police would use that to arrest us.”

“Or they would turn a blind eye and let us do their dirty work. Two sides of the coin,” Seonghwa patted Yunho’s back and left to join Hongjoong and Yunho considered what he had said. When he saw Mingi pick something out of your hair, though, he decided he’d had enough.

“Ah, you’re here,” Wooyoung had a shit-eating grin on his face. “Y/n, now is your time to tell us if you’d like to change your houseowner.”

“Nah, I’m good,” you grinned, meeting Yunho’s eyes who looked pleased to hear that. “This one is good at pretending I don’t exist so sometimes I feel like I own the house myself.”

Mingi laughed loudly at that and Yunho smiled in embarrassment. He was guilty, yes. When you noticed his ears getting red, you laughed. “I’m just kidding. I really couldn’t have a better person as a housemate.”

“You’re lying,” Wooyoung smacked your arm playfully and you put the last of the things in your duffel bag.

“You won’t understand,” you simply told Wooyoung and chanced a glance at Yunho who no longer looked embarrassed and offered to take your bag. You let him and said your goodbyes to the two, waving at the rest of the staff who told you to come again (with baked treats) and you followed Yunho to the parking lot. This time, you had made sure he had a spare helmet and when he noticed you grinning, he asked you what was so funny.

“Nothing, I’m just excited to ride your bike again,” you giggled like a kid. “I kind of have a thing for bikes.”

And there it was. Another reason Yunho felt his heart pound rather uncharacteristically. 

Perhaps, that was what prompted him to break one of his biggest rules and ask, “Would you like to have dinner somewhere… with me? You must be too tired to make dinner at home, and I know a quiet spot if you’re up for it- if not… that’s okay too, we could order something instead-”

He paused when he noticed your smile growing and he raised a brow in question. You wanted to tell him that he was rambling (which was cute as hell) but you only nodded. “I’d love to. You’re right, I’m tired- and a quiet spot sounds nice at this hour. I won’t say no to a longer bike ride too.”

Yunho chuckled at that as he put on his helmet. You followed and got on the bike behind him. “It’s not gonna be a short trip if you’re okay.”

“I’m good!” You assured and he told you to hang on tight as he started the heavy bike and started driving towards the darkening horizon. You put your hands on Yunho’s shoulders but as he sped on the emptier roads, you resorted to clutching the sides of his jacket and rested your head on his back, watching the view. You loved how quiet it got in your head at times like these and it almost made you wish this moment would never end.

You didn’t know how much time passed but finally, Yunho started slowing down and you looked up, finding yourself at the riverside. When he parked in an empty space, he got down first and helped you down. You took off your helmet and smoothened your hair, looking around. It seemed to be a remote spot that the tourists had not yet discovered and the pretty lightning bordering the sidewalk illuminated the benches at the distance and-

“Fried chicken!” You grinned. “I didn’t know what I was craving until I smelt it.”

Yunho smiled, motioning you to follow him. He led you inside where you placed your orders and you both decided to take one of the tables outside. There weren’t many people here anyway so you were going to enjoy the cool river breeze.

Now that you sat in front of him, it finally settled in that you were outside with Yunho for the first time. That he offered to take you out for dinner. It didn’t help that he looked absolutely dreamy with his dark hair falling messily on his forehead and his shoulder looking even broader in the black jacket he wore, and when he ran a hand through his hair, swiping it away from his forehead-

He met your eyes and you realised you had been staring. You awkwardly sipped your water and looked towards your left, urging yourself to focus on the sound of the waves instead of the sound of your erratic heartbeat. You cleared your throat. “How did you find this spot? It’s beautiful.”

“I used to live near here when I was little,” he smiled and you thought there was something sad about it. 

“Oh, your parents must still live around here then?” You wondered and when his smile fell, you knew you had asked a question you shouldn’t have. 

But to your surprise, he answered, “They passed away when I was in highschool. I had to move out soon, so I couldn’t come back here for a good few years.”

“Oh, I’m… sorry to hear that,” you said and he told you it was okay. “I can tell why this place is close to your heart though. It’s wonderful here.”

“Yeah, it is,” he said and you were glad your chicken arrived at that moment, breaking the awkwardness from your conversation. “How did today go? You’re quite popular at the clinic now.”

You grinned, “Nobody can resist chocolate chip cookies, apparently. Wooyoung said I helped raise a lot of money.”

“You did,” Yunho confirmed and you both took a bite of the chicken. You groaned in appreciation.

“I don’t know if it's the river or the vibe,” you said after swallowing the first bite. “But doesn’t the chicken taste so good here?”

“There’s a reason I brought you here,” he laughed at the way you stared at the chicken. “Good food and a killer view.”

It took you both a few pieces to get comfortable and this time, when you asked him about the clinic and all his friends, he answered all your questions. You learned that Yunho and Mingi were school friends and Yunho met Hongjoong at the end of highschool. Their group expanded over the years and today, after years of studying and working together, they had their own place. 

Yunho also asked you about your recent progress and you complained about your publishers. He then asked where you were originally from and he learned that you were from a small town at the outskirts of the city and had a younger brother but your relationship with your family was a bit strained so you didn’t visit them often. He also found that you didn’t have many friends, just a few you met annually. He realised then why it was so easy for you to get comfortable with Wooyoung and Mingi- perhaps, they reminded you of your friends, or maybe you missed normal human interaction. 

As you finished eating, you asked him what urged him to really bring you here tonight. Yunho looked at you as if to make you reconsider your question but when you held your front, he finally gave in. “Just wanted to say thanks.”

“For what?”

“For everything,” he shrugged. “You do a lot. I haven’t done anything in return.”

“Uh, forty percent off?”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “Just accept the sentiment and shut up.”

“Yes sir,” you saluted and he paid the bill, insisting it was his treat even though you asked to split the bill. “Well, if you won’t let me pay, maybe we can walk a little before we go?”

“That makes no sense, but okay,” Yunho said, shaking his head in amusement and you took the lead, going towards the edge to peek down at the river and then you started your stroll.

“Isn’t it nice to get some fresh air?” You commented, taking a deep breath. “No worries, just the river and us.” 

Yunho nodded silently and you grinned. “If you have more spots like these… don’t hide them from me.”

“Just this one,” he admitted and you nodded, satisfied. “What about you? Do you have a spot like this?”

You had… until everything went horribly wrong. You had a place so close to your heart that you hadn’t visited in years-

“You okay?” Yunho asked worriedly, having noticed your smile drop.

“Uh, yeah,” you pursed your lips. “I had one. I don’t go there anymore- bad memories.”

“Ah… sorry I asked-”

“It’s okay,” you assured. “If I grow the guts one day… I’ll take you there.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Just shut up and accept the offer,” you winked at him and he grinned at your statement. You noticed you had already walked around the area, the parking lot in your vision now. Before you could walk towards it, Yunho called your name, making you pause in your tracks.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure?”

“Did you mean it when you said… earlier at the clinic…” Yunho put his hands in his pockets awkwardly, trying to phrase it better. “When you-”

“When I said you were a good housemate?” You asked, internally smiling because you just knew he would end up asking you to elaborate. “I meant it.”

“Why? I have been anything but nice.”

“That’s a lie,” you pointed out. “Just because you have a few rules you’re strict about doesn’t mean you’re not nice company when you’re in a good mood. And you answer all my weird questions without judgement!” You clapped your hands. “What more could I ask for?”

When you saw that he didn’t look convinced, you took a deep breath. “To be honest, my life was falling apart before I moved in with you. Everything started going wrong at the same time. It was too much and I really thought I would have to go back to my hometown- and I would go anywhere but there. So when we made a deal? Yes, I thought you were strange at first but I couldn’t complain, and now that we’ve… warmed up to each other a bit, you’re not bad company at all, Yunho. You may still be an asshole about your rules,” you laughed and he joined, the corners of his lips curving downwards- was he flustered? “But I can see why the people at the clinic like you. You’re quite dependable.”

“That’s…”

“Too much?” You laughed. “In short, you gave me a nice deal and my life is finally back to normal, and you’re a good person, you idiot. That’s all I’m saying.”

“I think you’re getting a little too comfortable with me though…”

“Yeah?” You walked towards the bike. “Says the guy who basically took me on a date.”

And there it was again- the flustered smile of his that was so endearing, the ears turning red and the nervous laugh as he wondered what to do, where to look. You laughed out loud, finding it quite funny.

“You’re a very easy prey, Dr. Jeong,” you teased. “Quite easy to get to.”

“Did you really think of this as a date?” He held his helmet, waiting for your answer and you thought about it.

“Platonic date?” You wondered. “Outing? Icebreaking party? Whatever you wanna name it…”

You faltered when he stepped closer and looked down at you, scanning your face. Suddenly, you were so conscious of the proximity between you two. The dim lights made his gaze look darker and you wished you could take a peak in his mind. He brought his hand up and tucked your hair behind your ear ever so gently, lightly caressing your cheek-

And then he poked you in the middle of the forehead, making you wince out loud.

“I’m still the grumpy mysterious owner,” he quoted what you had said to Wooyoung today and you gaped at him, wondering if he had heard the entirety of the conversation. “So don’t get too ahead of yourself, okay?”

You rubbed your forehead, muttering okay and complaining about how he could have just said so. But when you wore your helmet and settled down behind him, clutching at the sides of his jacket, he held your hands in his and you couldn’t even digest how his big hands engulfed your small ones before he wrapped your arms around his waist.

“It’s better this way- I’m speeding,” he said.

“I really don’t get you, Yunho,” you told him and he cast you a glance before starting to drive, speeding as promised. You were pretty sure he wouldn’t have cared if you held on to the sides of his jacket like earlier or his shoulders for dear life but… 

But you wouldn’t complain. So you rested your head against his back again, bodies flush against each other and you let yourself feel whatever you were feeling for the ride back home.

—---------------------------- 

It was a good day today- somewhat productive because you were almost done writing your book and the editor was pleased with your work too. Yunho was having dinner with his colleagues tonight so you decided not to cook and just have the leftovers from yesterday for dinner then and went to your room to finally sort out the mess you had been avoiding ever since you moved in-

The books.

While you had lined all your books along the walls, creating towers of them that you were scared would one day fall on you if you ever made a clumsy mistake, you had realised that perhaps it was time you let go of some of the books. You could already feel your heart being broken at the thought but your room was starting to look too congested compared to the rest of the spacious house so you would have to make a little sacrifice. 

So you spent hours sorting through the books and almost didn’t hear Yunho coming downstairs until he knocked on your room, eyes widening at the books around you.

“Yeah, I know I’m a mess,” you said. “Are you leaving?” 

“Yeah,” Yunho nodded, laughing in what seemed to be shock. “Do you need… help?”

“No, I’m just sorting them out,” you dismissed, though surprised at the offer. “I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Yunho was still lingering at the doorway. “Well, I don’t know when I’ll be back, so…”

“Have fun,” you looked at him, grinning. “I’ll be fine. This is something I do annually.”

“If you say so. Don’t get lost in there,” he teased and you rolled your eyes, shooing him away. 

And that was that. You didn’t even realise how much time passed- you kept getting distracted as you held each book in hand and recalled the memories associated with it. It was only when the doorbell rang that you frowned, checking the clock. It was 09:47 pm- who could it be? Not Yunho- he had his keys. Maybe the woman from next door?

But when you opened the door to two grown men with badges around their necks, you did a quick scan, realising two things- that they were detectives, and one of the faces was way too familiar.

“Good evening, miss,” the younger one said. “We’re Detectives Lee and Seo from the station-”

“Y/n?” The older one- the familiar face called your name and suddenly, it clicked-

It clicked. Everything you had buried deep inside you, somewhere so deep that you hadn’t thought about it in perhaps a year, was suddenly out and washing over you like a wave of cold water. Everything from about two decades ago started flashing in front of your eyes and you gulped down the thing stuck in your throat with immense effort. 

“Detective Seo?” Your voice sounded small even to your ears. 

“It’s been a while,” he looked as confused as you. “I didn’t expect to see you here- doesn’t this house belong to a Doctor Jeong Yunho?”

“You’re right,” you told him. “I live on the first floor on rent.”

“I see… Can we come in then?”

“If you’re here to meet Dr. Jeong, he’s not home right now-”

“We can wait,” he told you. “Besides… it’s been a while- won’t you invite us for tea?”

“You can’t just visit so late at night and expect tea,” you folded your arms, finally getting a grip. “What is the purpose of your visit, really?”

“We really needed a statement, or anything from the doctor,” Detective Seo said. “Let us wait for him for half an hour, and then we’ll leave.”

You considered kicking them out but then figured they could wait. Yunho would probably be late and they would have to go back after half an hour without anything. Plus, it didn’t look like Detective Seo was about to budge anytime soon. The other detective also looked intrigued and you gave in, allowing them to the living room though just like two decades ago, Detective Seo made a point of roaming around-

“That your room?” He pointed at the mess of books and you stifled the urge to pass a biting remark.

“Yes, I was a little busy as you can probably see. Please, take a seat.”

While you asked Detective Lee if he would like some tea, you kept an eye on the older detective who was now looking around the living room. You turned on the kettle- there was no way you were going to serve them the fancier teas you had. They would have to make do with teabags.

“How long since you moved here?”

“Is that related to your current investigation?” You asked and he scoffed.

“Come on, y/n. Don’t act like we’re strangers here. Are you still in contact with your family?”

And there it was.