SoBrave.net

So I take a girl home from the bar last Friday night at closing time. We have been talking for a month or so and we are both pretty drunk this evening. We have a couple smokes and a few more drinks and start talking movies. She tells me that she just watched Oujia and how good it was because she had some crazy experiences as a kid with a oujia board. Me being the very outspoken athiest I am started laughing at her a little. She gets a little mad. Tells me that "it's true lights flickered and it moved" bla bla bla. I told her sarcastically dissapointed "Awe I thought you were smart" Now she is hot. "Alright Mr. I don't belive in anything. What do you belive in?!?!" I calmly said that "I'm simple. I belive in science and facts. Things like gravity and evolution..." She cuts me off and yells "evolution is just a 'theory' it's not even real science" My jaw drops. I'm dumbstruck. I began to explain what theory means in the scientific community. And she pushes again. "What about the missing link" Now I'm mad. "You want me to go link by link through all 30 plus links?!?!" She keeps pushing and pushing spewing stupidity and I break. At 4 am I told her "yeah. Your going to have to leave" "What?" She dosnt understand I tell her "Your going to have to get the fuck out" "Your going to kick me out over this" "Absolutely. I thought you were smart clearly I was mistaken. Get out and tomorrow you should buy a book or two." Just another example of how hard the dating life of an athiest can be. Hope you guys can appreciate the story.

For the first time ever, we have went deep into the Memecast archives to share the very first episode with non-Circlejerk-Gold members. This was recorded in February 2010 and was known only as 'Memecast' at the time.

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Funny story! I was at Planet Fitness the other night, doing my reps as usual. It was pizza night. A young, thin, blonde woman can'ying a plate loaded with pizza walked over and struck a pose in front Of me. It was clear that she had targeted me for some cruel words due to my weight.

“Oooh, the pizza's so-oooo good today!" she exclaimed, trying to get a rise out of me. She threw back her head, downing whole slices and making orgasmic noises with each bite. 

After fifteen minutes or so, I'd had enough. “Excuse me. I'm glad you are enjoying your Italian cheese-and-tomato bread, but your little porno noises are greatly distracting to all."

“Ooooh, I understand. The sight of me-eee must be horribly depressing for you." she snickered. “I eat whatever I want, Whenever I want, and don't lift a finger all day, and I'm a real-life Barbie doll. YOU work your ass off, eat almost nothing, and look like wet garbage. Must suck, eh, lady?"

She was so evil, I couldn't help but giggle. Her eyes went wide in shock. I had denied her the anger she so craved. 

"What, my dear, makes you think I'm working out because I want to look like you?” I asked. “I work out because I like it. I eat little because I'm not hungry. I weigh more than you because of my genes. And that is okay. I'm okay, you're okay. I'll be me, and you'll be you. That is life."

“Now that's what I'm talking about!" a male voice rang out. I looked across the room, where a mustachioed man standing behind the vending machine was applauding my effort. Skinny girl looked to be five seconds from a heart attack.

"You fat fucks always stick together!" she screamed.

“Fat fucks?" he chuckled as he stepped out from behind the vending machine, revealing his slim, cut physique. We both trembled at the sight of him. I played it cool, but Skinny broke into a lusty sweat. 

“Sir, I apologize!" she backpedalled. “I'd be happy to make it up to you! Perhaps in the handicapped changing room?"

He laughed. “Miss, no offense, but I'd kindly suggest you tie those pigtails of yours to a car bumper and ride your implants half way to Canada."

He walked straight past her and bowed to me. “Ma’am, will you accompany me to the pizza party?" he asked. 

"As soon as I finish my reps, I would be charmed.” I said.

This reminds me..

One time my bro and I were playing Halo 2 online and some guy on our team kept doing the guardian glitch to kill him. It's a long story if you don't know about the guardian glitch, but basically, it allowed you to team kill without having to worry about being booted from the game. It didn't detect from your team's score, but it could get extremely annoying.

Anyways, this guy on our team keeps betraying my brother over and over and over again and my brother can't boot him because he's doing the guardian glitch. Well, my brother gets REALLY FUCKING PISSED, gets up, and walks out of the room.

Ok I think, at least he kept his cool and is going to walk it off.

CRASH

I run out of the boiling room to see what the huge noise was, and to my surprise I see our motherfucking refrigerator LAYING FACE-DOWN ON THE GROUND and the floor is covered in every kind of food and liquid imaginable. I can do nothing but stare in amazement. When I look up at my brother, he is facing away from me standing over the oven.

It was then that I realized he had the burner on and was holding his hand against it! I yelled at him asking him what the hell he was doing and he didn't respond, just kept standing there. I got closer and I started to smell burning flesh.

I reached for the stove to turn the burner off and he swung his arm, back-handing me right in the fucking face. I asked him what the fuck was wrong with him but he just continued to stand there's burning his hand. I shoved him away from the stove and turned it off, and the next thing I knew he was coming at me with a goddamn kitchen knife!

I grabbed his wrist mid-swing and sweeper his feet out from underneath him with my leg. I twisted his wrist and pried the knife loose, brining bits of dead flesh with it. I looked down at my brother and saw what looked like to be saliva coming out of his mouth.

Later, this would all make sense, but in the heat of the moment I thought I was being attacked by a fucking zombie which had taken over my brother and I reacted accordingly. He was threatening my life! I don't regret anything that I did.

After we got my brother to the hospital, things began to calm down. A few hours later, my brother was acting normal again and we found out the real reason for his psychotic behavior -- rabies.

So I guess that this really wasn't an overreaction at all, given the fact he had rabies. But at the time, I really thought he was getting way to mad about being betrayed in Halo. Fucking guardian glitch man

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.”How old is this rock, pinhead?”The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian””Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.Semper Fi.

This one is supposed to have originated on 4chan circa 2011, as a parody of those dumb chain e-mails where an atheist professor is shown the error of his ways by a christian student.