he spends the whole first summer in the cottage at the south downs trying out new ones.Β βanthony jonathanβ he says one morning, coming down the stairs.
βwhatβs that, darling?β aziraphale calls.
βnothing,β he says.Β βwasnβt quite right.βΒ
βanthony jeremiah crowley,β he says, while replanting an azalea bush. the bush tries to bloom in response, but doesnβt manage it convincingly.Β βno, youβre right,β crowley says.Β βthatβs not it either.
βanthony jane crowley,β he says, while stirring the white wine into what is going to be a very good mushroom risotto in about an hour.Β
βjane who?β aziraphale says absently, having not really heard him, without looking up from his book at the table.
john. julian. jessica. jude. january. jersey. janice. joyce. joplin. juniper.Β
βhas it occurred to you,β aziraphale says one night, when theyβre tucked up in bed together, βthat instead of trying on all these new names, you might just, wellβwait for it? whatβs the rush, anyway?β
crowley shifts to look at him from across the pillows.Β βhow did you know i was looking for a new name?β he hadnβt told aziraphaleβnot that he didnβt want aziraphale to know, really, but just that it was something he felt like he had to sort out on his own.Β
βbit obvious,β aziraphale says.Β βyou left nameberry.com up on your phone the other day when you handed it to me so i could look up that picture of the dog we saw on the way home.βΒ
aziraphale rolls over, putting a hand on crowelyβs chest.Β βitβs all right if it takes a little time, you know,β he says.
βtaken me six thousand years to figure this one out,β crowley points out, a little despondently.Β
aziraphale shrugs.Β βtook me six thousand years to say i was in love with you,β he responds.Β βtook me six thousand years to realise heaven and hell werenβt all that different. six thousand years to realise you loved me back. some things justβ¦take time to figure out. itβs all right.βΒ
crowley sighs, but he knows aziraphaleβs right.Β βi just want to know all of myself already,β he says, scooting over into aziraphaleβs hold.Β βi want to know everything i can be.βΒ
βoh, my love,β aziraphale says, breathing into his hair.Β βi donβt think we ever know all of that about ourselves.βΒ
he finds the name in december.
itβs a good month for name-finding. the end of something, the beginning of another. a goodbye and a remembrance, but also a facing forward into the future.Β
theyβre dancing in the kitchen, and aziraphale is singing along to la vie en roseΒ on the radio; theyβre laughing, and the light is low but the oven is warm where theyβre just waiting for a coq au vin to finish up.Β
il me l'a dit, l'a jure pour la vie, aziraphale sings, in a very bad french accent, pink-cheeked and beautiful, and crowley kisses the next line out of his mouth.
βje tβaime,β he tells aziraphale, as the song ends, and then he thinks, oh.Β
βje tβaime aussi,βΒ aziraphale returns awkwardly, and then he catches crowleyβs look.Β βwhat?β he asks.Β
βjβaime,β he says. βi love. jβaime.βΒ
aziraphaleβs cheeks turn a little pinker.Β βdo you think so? but in french?β
βi like french,β crowley shrugs.Β βdo you remember the bastille? that was when i first thought, maybe, you know? maybe you too. when was that, 1793? 1791?β
βhavenβt the faintest,β aziraphale says.Β βitβs a very you thing, though. full of love, but secretly, only if one knows where to look. in english itβll get pronounced as jaime. jay-me.βΒ
βanthony jaime crowley,β he tries out. βthatβs not bad, actually.β
βoh, do you like that as well?β
βi think i do,β crowley says.Β βanthony jaime crowley. and only you would know the real truth. only you and i would know jβaime, angel. it would be mine, butβit would be ours, a little bit. and thatβs me, i thinkβmy own, but yours too, a little bit.βΒ
aziraphale is grinning a bit madly, and he holds crowley that much closer. βa secret middle name. how dashing of you. how entirely debonair.βΒ
βi could go with james, if you like.β he puts on a ridiculous, affected accent, missing pierce brosnan by a mile and ending up somewhere closer to roger moore. βcrowley, james crowley.β
βno,β aziraphale laughs.Β βno, i think i quite like jaime. anthony jaime crowley.β the radio starts playing la vie en roseΒ again, just because aziraphale wants it to, and he holds crowley close, cheek to cheek.Β βis this the one, darling?β
βyeah,β crowley says.Β βfor now, this is the one.βΒ
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