What the water wants is

thinking about that part in the inheritance cycle books where eragon makes a guy have an existential crisis of such a scale that he turns himself into a nuclear explosion. like i kind of get that right now

could my life actually calm down with putting me through devastating losses and permanent profound changes at this rate because i'm running out of communities that i can suddenly lose the central (deeply talented and compassionate and encouraging and like every positive quality you could imagine) driving force of and also because its unfair to have to compare contemplating what to write as a comment for an instagram post for a person who is going to see it and what to write on a whiteboard for a person who is not going to see it and try to decide if i'm somehow failing morally if i don't cry the same amount over both at any given time

watching mens hockey because i get off on watching finnish men make sid crosby really work for it