What's the Story?

Have you ever had an one in a million? The person you can call your everything, whose smile just brightens up your day even when you want to be so mad at them, who goes above and beyond to make you happy, and the person you can,without any hesitation say you're in love with. Yeah I can say I have an one in a million, more like my better half.  In 5 more days it will be a month, but it feels longer. I must be on crack to say I'm in love so fast, but it brings nothing but a smiley feeling. There's just something between us that I can't describe. Our chemistry just seems to balance out. We have our ups and downs, but our downs seem to work out to be ups and bring us closer than before.  He frustrates and drives me insane, but it's worth it because he brings nothing but happiness, love, and perspective into my life.  I don't want to be a statistic that says young love doesn't last.  I look into relationships that will last a life time and I'm sure this will be one. Like he said to me today, " Because when I care about something or someone, which I don't do often, I treasure and keep it." That's what I plan to do, treasure and keep him and our love. Like I said he's one in a million and I can't find another like him. He's mine and only mine and I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have him.

I've experienced distance in so many ways I think I've pretty much lost count. They say, "distance makes the heart grow founder," boy does it. Remember that guy I told you about that makes me happy beyond words can even describe? Well lets take the word boy and add friend to it. Yeah he's my boyfriend now and I can't be more than content with it. It's the summer, but that leaves no excuse to stop the hustle and grind. We both have busy schedules. Him with work, football, family, and little random things here and there. Me I'm looking for a job ( sad life of a pre-college student), making preparations for college, workouts, spending time with friends, and random things here and there. So how do we make things work? Honestly i don't know, we just do. I didn't even leave for college yet and it already feels like we are miles away from each other lol. That's love for you. We talk everyday and say I love you at least five times a day. I can't say its easy not seeing his face whenever I want , but when I do.......it's like... magic. I feel like a giddy little school girl when I see his face. I do get upset or frustrated with him, but never mad. I think because we both take the time to express each others feelings and actually listen and understand one another....not being with each other 24/7 isn't as bad. Now don't get me wrong, of course I want his arms around me,being able to look into his eyes, hear his voice, see his face, and  show him every amount affection I can to him all day all the time, but because of the good amount of communication we have I am able to hold off on that longer than usual. Of course I miss him like crazy, but I know when I do see him the wait is worth it. I do wish that we could plan things out a little more where our day doesn't get interrupted, but I know those days I've been yearning for of being with each other 24/7 will be here sooner than I think. I've talked to a few guys and been with a couple on a serious level, but this one is the topping on the cake. There's just something about him that I can't live without and that's my goal, to be forever with him. Yeah there are so many options and yes we are still young, but I have no desire in any inch of my body to look. I have EVERYTHING I could every ask for in him and I wouldn't risk losing that for the world.

It's been a while since I wrote on this 'ol thing. Well let's get it started again. I usually write about the bad or just random thoughts. Well this time I'm going to write about the good. And boy is it good! Well, what's the good?....I'm happy. Yeah H-A-P-P-Y! Why? I swear this is going to go against everything I believe in, but i's because of a guy. Yeah I know, you don't need a guy to be happy.  I was happy before he came along. Of course I still have my ups and downs, but I am happy. Happy for myself and happy for all the positives that are happening around me. It's time to open a new chapter for myself and it's starts out with me being happy. Including those who are happy for me and want to see me succeed. But this guy has always been there. We've definitely had our ups and downs, but this time it's going really right. We balance each other out in a way where I guess you can say we are helping each other with developing ourselves. So you need someone there for you to figure out who you are? No, but you are able to gain a new perspective on things that make you wonder about yourself and those around you. Tonight was straight out of a book, movie, a dream....I'm on cloud 9. Every time I'm with him it just seems magical  Shoot I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that tonight was reality and not a dream. We talked, we kissed, we soaked in the night. Even though (boy did I) I want him in every possible way!..I held back. I wanted us to talk and really take in what each other were saying without having a cloudy mind due to sex and raging hormones. I love him. Yeah I said it L-O-V-E. And I have for a long time. This may sound like I'm in lust with him or full blown on drugs, but he gets me. He gets me to the point where he actually gets it. What's going through my mind, the right words to say, how to manipulate me in way where I lower my walls. There's something about him that intoxicates me that it's sickening. But it's a poison I don't want to get rid of. Our chemistry is just wild and all over the place, but it works... I told him he doesn't ever have to be scared with me and that I will never to anything to hurt him. I meant what I said because I know what it' like to get your hopes up for something that doesn't work in the end or feel used. Not saying I'm his knight in shiny armor or something, but I want to be his stability. Knowing that I'm not going anywhere and will be there through thick and thin. I just hope I can get him to that place. We're making progress...together where I feel we are bettering both of ourselves and I think that's what makes our (I don't even know what to call it but I guess...) relationship stronger and better than it has ever been before. Like I told him and like I'm going to write now...relationship. I love him honestly and truly and if a relationship comes out of it I KNOW it's going to last a life time.  And if it doesn't turn into anything that's okay to because I still will have my best friend there and love for im that was there from the start.

What’s going on in my mind seems like it will take up 20 sheets of paper, but in reality may only take up one. Honestly I don’t know what’ going on with me lately. Everything is not smooth sailings, as if it ever it is, but still feels off. At home I’m more crabby than usual and it happens more after track practice it seems. My throws have been beyond off lately and every time I try to fix something it gets worse or something else goes wrong. Leading me to basically want to give up and second guess about doing track in college. Don’t get me wrong when I say I’m in love with track. It’s more than a part of me, more as something I breathe. So when something fucks up that important aspect of my life the rest of the world seems to be falling apart. Now don’t get this idea like nothing else exist but track. That’s not the case. It’s my comfort zone and when things start to threaten the place where I go to get away from it all…. HELL is going to break loose. Me not doing well is very frustrating because I want to do so well. Yeah people have their bad days, but no this has been going on for a while and I don’t know why. I like my life to have some sort of balance. Let’s break it down: Track= 50%, School= 40%, Friends=5%, Sleep = 4%, other= 1%. Yeah I live life on the edge! Not… Now I don’t complain how hectic my schedule can get because when one section is beginning to overpower the other when it shouldn’t I’m able to get things back under control. But when I can’t then everything gets fucked up. I’m at the point in high school where track can tack up most of my time without a problem because I’m technically done with school until September 3rd. Now that track is about 80% of my life it is beginning to fuck up other things. I’m more frustrated during practice now which I end up taking home and makes me mad at the world. Basically my sanctuary where I go to escape everything in the world is becoming a part of those problems. If that makes sense. So where is my comfort zone now? Yeah that’s the question and it shouldn’t have to be. Now the money question is how do I get it back? I’ve taken breaks (for a day or 2), relaxed at home, and try to do fun things, but nothing seems to work. I feel alone just because that 5% of my life is barely there. And yeah I know it’s because track takes up most of my life, but when I attempt to get reconnected with that part of my life it seems like it doesn’t work. I fell like a nag, an outsider, and misunderstood. Nag: I don’t want to dump out all the things that are bothering me. Feels as if I’m annoying someone about shit that has nothing to do with them and don’t care about. Outsider: well everyone can relate to someone and I feel as if I relate to no one. Misunderstood: No one knows my full story and what I have to deal with, so when it comes to why I’m upset about something or why I have the mindset I do, I think it’s hard to really understand Myrika.

Sometimes we act upon things just because. I want to live outside the box. Feelings shouldn't have to be explained. We say we need something rather than want. There's a difference between thinking and knowing.  I know what I want rather than think of something I need. So do we need a reason to feel? Do we need a reason to live outside the box? Do we need a reason just to express ourselves at a random point in time? Lets free our minds and live. Forget all the problems and stress that we have and enjoy what is in front of us. Do we need a reason to do something that should come natural ?