#thisis me

Ask me anything!

Photo Booth is an amazing thing

What’s going on in my mind seems like it will take up 20 sheets of paper, but in reality may only take up one. Honestly I don’t know what’ going on with me lately. Everything is not smooth sailings, as if it ever it is, but still feels off. At home I’m more crabby than usual and it happens more after track practice it seems. My throws have been beyond off lately and every time I try to fix something it gets worse or something else goes wrong. Leading me to basically want to give up and second guess about doing track in college. Don’t get me wrong when I say I’m in love with track. It’s more than a part of me, more as something I breathe. So when something fucks up that important aspect of my life the rest of the world seems to be falling apart. Now don’t get this idea like nothing else exist but track. That’s not the case. It’s my comfort zone and when things start to threaten the place where I go to get away from it all…. HELL is going to break loose. Me not doing well is very frustrating because I want to do so well. Yeah people have their bad days, but no this has been going on for a while and I don’t know why. I like my life to have some sort of balance. Let’s break it down: Track= 50%, School= 40%, Friends=5%, Sleep = 4%, other= 1%. Yeah I live life on the edge! Not… Now I don’t complain how hectic my schedule can get because when one section is beginning to overpower the other when it shouldn’t I’m able to get things back under control. But when I can’t then everything gets fucked up. I’m at the point in high school where track can tack up most of my time without a problem because I’m technically done with school until September 3rd. Now that track is about 80% of my life it is beginning to fuck up other things. I’m more frustrated during practice now which I end up taking home and makes me mad at the world. Basically my sanctuary where I go to escape everything in the world is becoming a part of those problems. If that makes sense. So where is my comfort zone now? Yeah that’s the question and it shouldn’t have to be. Now the money question is how do I get it back? I’ve taken breaks (for a day or 2), relaxed at home, and try to do fun things, but nothing seems to work. I feel alone just because that 5% of my life is barely there. And yeah I know it’s because track takes up most of my life, but when I attempt to get reconnected with that part of my life it seems like it doesn’t work. I fell like a nag, an outsider, and misunderstood. Nag: I don’t want to dump out all the things that are bothering me. Feels as if I’m annoying someone about shit that has nothing to do with them and don’t care about. Outsider: well everyone can relate to someone and I feel as if I relate to no one. Misunderstood: No one knows my full story and what I have to deal with, so when it comes to why I’m upset about something or why I have the mindset I do, I think it’s hard to really understand Myrika.