Uh-oh

if i were in charge of star wars i would end the last movie witth yoda reading the story out of a big book and he gives a little chuckle and says "happened, none of that did." and then he gets out of his truck and waddles into walmart

guy who really likes bagels: hmmm... i bagely remember that...

so i put my hands up theyre playing my song the evil skull flies away

The winner takes it Saul. The loser has to call

The body was like that when we found it. Tox screen has him crossfaded on music and pictures. It’s a new trend. Street kids call it “movies”.

wednesday night….the thinking man’s friday

Drunk as hell flying a zeppelin because it doesn't count as operating heavy machinery

if you havent passed song dynasty china’s confucian civil service examinations you are not allowed on my blog or in my court of officials

Dude, are you okay? You look really fucked up right now. It looks like you've had a LOT of herbal tea dude. Wait, more than 2 cups? You're fucking crazy man. Are you sure you're okay? I think I see the phytochemicals going through the veins in your eyes dude. Are you okay? Do you need help right now

we all got that one friend that refuses to take off the cursed amulet😂

Y’all have fun with your cursed amulet. I’m over here with my wurst amulet. I’ve got an unending stream of high quality German sausages at my disposal.

i’m not taking the amulet out again because i’m obsessed with it, i just think the ominous snakes-eating-each-other pattern is artistically intriguing

actually it's NOT an evil cursed amulet it is a normal, uncursed, and maybe even nice amulet and it wants you to refer to it as such

you ever meet a guy you just KNOW would get enthralled by the amulet 🙄

youre a silly salmon and im straight up the tenacious tuna