I've had a number of really close calls recently and I don't know how to escape because it feels inevitable at this point and I dont want to die but I don't want to live either and I'm really really really scared

I saw my double the other day. We met eyes across a field, she wore a dress, sleeved where mine was sleeveless, maybe a shade towards cream. I looked again and she was gone. I think I might die soon.

That's my load bearing code of ethics that causes me physical illness and misery to infringe upon donttouchthat

No.1 poisoner of my own memory

It's always so cold inside me

Punishing myself for cruel and evil thoughts doesn't work but they are so very loud and constant and it stops me being able to talk to people because all I can think is a screaming litany of the worst possible things about them