committing to ritual and practice in a world that moves at an ever-increasing rate can often feel like an easy personal budget cut. time is a precious commodity and i am all too guilty of putting reflection, meditation, self-care, magick if you will on the back burner.
today, however, is another day. a day resting on weeks of emotional tumult for reasons my brain would not like to share with me, but more importantly, on a strong few days of self-examination and quiet confidence. these feelings tend to float on autumn breezes and as september comes to take this heart away once more, i am none too surprised by their sudden presence.
the new moon in virgo has me shuddering as i recount excitedly checking out that one marie kondo book about being tidy however many years ago. (many good socks lost that battle. rip.) nonetheless, a system reboot is something we all need every now and again--and this particular new moon feels like a great opportunity for a "clean install" (ok, i'll stop with the low-grade computer humor, i feel like a youth pastor).
i made the commitment to myself upon waking up this morning that i would set some time aside and, at the very least, pull a few cards. i sat down, lit my candles for manifestation and prosperity, and set all my intention to finding that comfortable baseline i've been looking for, not without a side of increased financial comfort -- i don't give myself much room to be selfish, but i'm a libra with a birthday on the horizon, i owe me.
it's funny approaching the "esoteric" from the standpoint of someone raised in a conservative christian worldview as my initial foray began with skepticism and trepidation. i say that only to provide a contrast to where i stand in my practice as of now - it is something i am (mostly) comfortable sharing and i keep it out in the open, which means i have given my consciousness enough room to really "commit to the bit" and actual ask for the answers i want with the expectation that whatever i am receiving is, in fact, an answer in some capacity - whether it's what i want or not.
all of that leads up to the operative point - sometimes you ask the cards and they answer. other times you ask the cards and they absolutely BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD with every answer you asked for (and a few you didn't).
as a person quietly struggling with their newly (publicly) unveiled queer identity, trying to dedicate real time and brainwaves to creativity and artistic pursuits (while still admittedly hoping for some degree of financial return on that), and honestly just reeeeeeally soaking up the benefits of therapy, a few of these cards hit the nail so hard i was laughing at myself alone at my altar.
deck is "the wild unknown." first "real" deck i ever bought myself and the one i always go back to, if i'm being honest. something just feels right about it.
not sure if anyone reads or relates to this, but sometimes it feels good to just write words and send them into space.
all the best. <3
