Summary: Neil may never dare to say those words out loud, but he will take advantage of every situation to make you feel loved.
Word count: 950
N.A: Well, this was supposed to be a short one shot, but as I really enjoyed writing the first part I've decided to turn this story into a series. I don't really know when I will update the next part, but it will be soon so... stay tune!
This whole fanfic is dedicate to @mietlynn , thank you for all your love and support. I love you sis.
Next part here:
One
Little more than two months had passed since your arrival at Welton Academy. Of course, being the first and only girl to attend the school caused quite a stir, but things calmed down over time.
After being expelled from yor fourth school due to bad behaviour, your grandfather, Mr Nolan, decided that interning you in his own school would give you a lesson. Despite your mother's concern about leaving her little miss surrounded by teenage boys, your behaviour did improve.
Weeks passed and, although the idea of playing a prank on the teachers dangerously caught your attention, you were so immersed in your studies that you had no energy to plan any prank. You finally felt like you were learning useful things, and not the “how to be a lady” nonsense that the nuns tried to teach you in yor preveious schools.
However, what really changed the way you saw the school, were the friends you made there. By the second day you were joking around with Charlie and Meeks, and by the third day, Neil offered you to get into their study group. Not just that, you were proud to be a member of the second generation of dead poets.
Exams period was getting closer, but all of you considered club meetings more than sacred. You don´t really mind to sacrifice a few hours of sleep just to not fall behind on your studies after staying in the cave until late at night.
This particular night you had barely slept. All the poets were so fascinated in Byron's poetry that you all lost track of time. However, the thought of not handing over your trigonometry homework on time kept you awake until the sun began to peek over the horizon. When professor Hager said he would take a point from the final mark if anyone was late on his homeworks, he wasnt kidding.
When you finished the last exercise, you didn't even bother to get into bed. You waited a couple of minutes for the alarm clock to go off and sighed as you reached over it to turn off.
Through your window, you could see the path the dead poets took to go to the cave. A sleepily smile appeared your face at the thought of how quickly you had hit it off with the boys. Maybe, in other circumstances, a girl in a boys school would cause a hormone problem; being the head master´s granddaughter makes boor boys stay away.
Although most of the time you were grateful that it was so, your heart shivers every time Neil looked at you. You knew it was impossible for the boy to feel the same way about you; but you couldn't help but get butterflies in your stomach every time you heard him recite sonnets from Shakespeare, rehearse for his play, or just see him sitting in class with his glasses…
After a while, a bell pulled you out of your thoughts. Without being able to believe it, you grabbed the clock from your table, and with a gasp, you rushed towards the closet. You had wasted an hour rambling about Neil and the club, there were only a few minutes to get dressed and get to trigonometry class.
By running through the corridors and avoiding the rest of the stragglers, you managed to get to class before Mr Hager. You have never considered yourself a religious person, but the fact that the stricter and puntual teacher was five minutes late could be considered a divine miracle.
You sat at your place, behind Neil's, thanking any god in existence for his services. The boy turned to you smiling; he had the same dark circles under his eyes that you after the previous evening.
- For a moment I thought you wouldn't come. Did you stay awake after coming back from the meeting?
- It´s fine. I had to finish today's exercises, I've been up all night. I thought I was late, couldn't even get any breakfast.
As if waiting for a signal, your stomach growled for food. You hadn't realized how hungry you were until that moment.
Neil was about to say something when voices came down the hall. You both turned your gazes towards the door.
- Thank you for solving my doubts, sir.
- It is not necesarry to thank anything, Mr Dalton, but I still don't understand why you couldn't wait until we got to class to answer.
- I couldn't take another second without understanding the argument of complex numbers. I almost felt like I was going to faint!
Mr Hager came through the door followed by Charlie, who was still in the role of his concerned student. The chestnut had left full of numbers under his arm. Before sitting down on his seat, he looked up and winked at you mockingly.
As the teacher got the books ready to start class, Neil turned back to you.
- Are you sure you're okay, darling? It seems that you are going to fall asleep on top of the exercises at any moment -He asked raising an eyebrow
- These exercises worth more than my life right now. I wish I could have taken some coffee from the dining room. -Your stomach sounded again as if you were right.
Neil stifled a laugh as he shook his head in amusement. He casually reached down to pick up his backpack and pulled out a white, messed-up napkin and an apple.
- Sorry to disappoint you then. -He smiled as he placed the wrappers on your desk.
Curiously you unwrapped the napkin and you see a couple of toasts.
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FORGET ABOUT SMUT. I LOVE IT BUT PLEASE I AM TIRED OF IT. I NEED ANGST. I NEED GUT WRENCHING EMOTIONAL TURMOIL THAT MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH. I NEED TO BAWL JUST FROM THINKING ABOUT IT.
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We love to call Neil oblivious or dense for not noticing he was in a slowburn romance with Andrew but how many of us were smacked in the face with the “that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you”the first time you read it then of course you go back and reread and andreil was very obviously there the whole time you just get so caught up in thinking like Neil Josten that you also become oblivious so props to Nora for that
No, facts! Pov: rereading the scene in Excites 10 ten times because it felt like something happened there but you're not sure what the fuck it was. And wait are these the hoes we're shipping? Because you totally forgot you started reading cause of the gays.
"What do you do when you're chosen for someone, but not chosen by them?"
Read an important author note here 🖤
⚠️ Content Warnings & Reader Advisory: This is a story about love that wounds before it heals. About a bond refused, a heart that breaks, and the slow, merciless path to forgiveness.
Contains: psychological trauma • panic episodes • dissociation • suppressed memories • grief and complicated mourning • abandonment wounds • emotional neglect • self-worth fracturing • bond-induced distress • magical volatility • violent magical injuries • blood, gore, and bodily harm (no self-inflicted harm) • cursed constructs • death-magic residue • predatory fixation (supernatural) • stalking (interrogation-aligned purposes) • interrogation scenes (canon-aligned) • torture ramifications • political coercion • manipulation and surveillance • rare-magic targeting • near-death experience • terror response • dark obsession • possessiveness (mutual, slow surrender) • morally gray decisions • morally black decisions • alcohol as emotional numbing • feral violence (Azriel-coded) • unhealthy coping mechanisms • romantic/sexual tension • consensual sexual content (late, intense, emotional) • dominant/submissive power play (consensual, earned) • kink elements (introduced slowly) • dark romance themes: ruin-me tenderness, “I’d burn the world for you,” dangerous devotion, and the slow unmaking of emotional walls.
For readers who crave the ache of a slow burning dark romance—the kind that splinters before it softens, and loves you back only after it’s destroyed you first. For the ones who learned that love is not gentle—
but still reached for it anyway 🔥
You were Made to heal. He was born to destroy.
When a mortal-born Made healer with evolving magic joins the Night Court, she expects to find purpose, not a mating bond with the Shadowsinger who looks at her like she’s the one mistake he can’t afford to make. So he refuses it.
And the refusal doesn’t break the bond—
it breaks you both.
Now your magic is changing. The Courts are watching. Day and Dawn whisper your name. And every danger circling you pulls Azriel closer to the one truth he’s terrified to face:
He never didn’t want you.
He just didn’t want to want you.
And even more dangerous: He’s already yours.
*If you’re an auditory person, I’ve also compiled a Spotify playlist that helped inspire this idea/that I listen to while I write. If you’d like it, here it is 🖤
"What do you do when you're chosen for someone, but not chosen by them?"
Read an important author note here 🖤
⚠️ Content Warnings & Reader Advisory: This is a story about love that wounds before it heals. About a bond refused, a heart that breaks, and the slow, merciless path to forgiveness.
Contains: psychological trauma • panic episodes • dissociation • suppressed memories • grief and complicated mourning • abandonment wounds • emotional neglect • self-worth fracturing • bond-induced distress • magical volatility • violent magical injuries • blood, gore, and bodily harm (no self-inflicted harm) • cursed constructs • death-magic residue • predatory fixation (supernatural) • stalking (interrogation-aligned purposes) • interrogation scenes (canon-aligned) • torture ramifications • political coercion • manipulation and surveillance • rare-magic targeting • near-death experience • terror response • dark obsession • possessiveness (mutual, slow surrender) • morally gray decisions • morally black decisions • alcohol as emotional numbing • feral violence (Azriel-coded) • unhealthy coping mechanisms • romantic/sexual tension • consensual sexual content (late, intense, emotional) • dominant/submissive power play (consensual, earned) • kink elements (introduced slowly) • dark romance themes: ruin-me tenderness, “I’d burn the world for you,” dangerous devotion, and the slow unmaking of emotional walls.
For readers who crave the ache of a slow burning dark romance—the kind that splinters before it softens, and loves you back only after it’s destroyed you first. For the ones who learned that love is not gentle—
but still reached for it anyway 🔥
You were Made to heal. He was born to destroy.
When a mortal-born Made healer with evolving magic joins the Night Court, she expects to find purpose, not a mating bond with the Shadowsinger who looks at her like she’s the one mistake he can’t afford to make. So he refuses it.
And the refusal doesn’t break the bond—
it breaks you both.
Now your magic is changing. The Courts are watching. Day and Dawn whisper your name. And every danger circling you pulls Azriel closer to the one truth he’s terrified to face:
He never didn’t want you.
He just didn’t want to want you.
And even more dangerous: He’s already yours.
*If you’re an auditory person, I’ve also compiled a Spotify playlist that helped inspire this idea/that I listen to while I write. If you’d like it, here it is 🖤
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Guillermo Del Toro's Frankenstein is about forgiving the person who brought you into this world without your permission when you do not want to be alive, and about forgiving yourself for being alive and accepting your life free of guilt and that is genuinely the most beautiful, validating thing I have ever seen in a film.
no dude it's so cool how attached you are to that character who is singled out and ostracized due to the external monstrousness that clashes with their internal spark of humanity. and i love how drawn you are to themes of horror and love, nature versus nurture, otherness, isolation, and the abject. i bet you have normal feelings about your own personhood
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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