Gundam for Girls

Good evening everyone.

This is Hinako Kitano.

I made a brief appearance during the second day of 46 TV last month.

It had been a while since I appeared in front of all of you; Same goes for meeting the staff. But more than anything, apart from a few members like Iori and Minami whom I’ve been meeting with even during my hiatus, it had been a long time since I’ve met with the other members. I almost became bashful just by getting eye contact with them.

I couldn’t meet with the 3rd gen at all, and because the senbatsu members were busy in the studio, and the Under members were heading somewhere else by the time I arrived, I couldn’t actually see most of them.

Even so, Rena (Yamazaki) ran up to me just to say “bye bye.” It made me remember what a meddlesome person she can be, and how nice she is. Junna sat down in my lap and we talked for a long time. It provided some peace of mind, and felt very nostalgic at the time. Miria and Ranze held my back as I was hesitating about entering the studio.

It’s because of all the support I’m receiving from all of these people that I was able to appear on the show, even if it was only for a short duration.

46 Hour TV is a very important event for us in Nogizaka46 So being able to appear, if just briefly, means a lot.

The members of the staff had taken some precautions too in order to make the environment as inviting as possible for me. I’m really thankful to them. It was fun!

-

Mahiro who graduated on March 31 It’s a shame I couldn’t meet you before your graduation. But I’m sure we’ll be able to meet soon anyway At that time, I want to do my best to make sure I can properly relay all my feelings of gratitude towards you.

The first time I was selected as a senbatsu member I had a hard time fitting in, but she would always call out to me whenever we were together; When I couldn’t keep up with the choreographies, she would stay behind in the lesson room and teach me personally; She’s helped me out a lot.

We spent a lot of time together as Unders, and Mahiro’s presence really made a huge difference, not just to me, but surely to the other members as well.

I’m a bit saddened by the fact that I won’t be able to be greeted by her voice anymore as I head for work, but I feel that she’ll continue to grow from now on, and I need to do my best in order to catch up.

Mahiro Thanks for everything up until now. Keep in touch!

I’m still on hiatus, but because of some gentle pushing from both staff and members I was able to make a minor appearance in the music video of the 2nd gen’s latest song “Scoutman.”

I’m not part of the actual song, nor do I join in on the dancing, so I won’t be in any performances from now on either. Appearing for a brief moment in the music video is the best I can do right now. Even so, I’m glad to have been able to take part in it.

I was told a lot of things during the recording

Stuff like “Welcome back” or “We’ve been waiting for you”

Saying such nice things. They’re all too nice. I love them.

While I’ll only be able to do it a little at a time I want to repay everyone for their kindness. I too want to protect this place I hold so dear This place where people are waiting for me

Thank you.

Please keep supporting me from now on as well.

“Everyone”

Thank you for always supporting me. There’s a decision I made that I need to tell everyone about.

I, Ayaka Wada, will be graduating from ANGERME, as well as Hello!Project, after ANGERME’s spring tour of 2019.

I’m sure this decision coming so abruptly must get your mind running. For that I apologize. I chose to announce it via the blog because I wanted to compile my thoughts into a text.  It’d make me happy if you could read it until the end. -----

“Would it be possible keep chasing this dream together forever?”

I’ve been been struggling to balance thoughts such as those with the reality that I’m currently in. I’ve kept asking myself the same things; Even though I know there’s no real answer.

The more I thought about it, the stronger my feelings towards the group became. The more I thought about it, I questioned the meaning of life. The more I thought about it, I just became more and more confused.

It was during one of these moments that the second generations said to me: - “You never think about anything but the group. Is there nothing that YOU want to do?”

- “Singing. Dancing. I want to continue doing stuff like that.” For the first time, I told them the things that had been weighing on my mind.

And they told me: - “You’re always putting the group above yourself. Just do the things you want to do.”

It made me happy. To put it simply: It seems everyone thinks it’s fine for me to head onwards to chase my own dreams. But then there’s me. I’ve wanted to be a part of this group, even if it meant having to forsake some of my own goals.

The road to my dream has been an endless loop of exaltation and disheartenment. Before I knew it, I had lost my sense of stability. From then on, I stopped talking about the future with the others.

“I’ll look after my dreams inside the group;” As others around me kept graduating, I kept repeating that phrase. Both a principle, and a criticism towards the idea that everyone walks their own path in life… As if I was trying to convince myself I’m doing the right thing.

“Everyone walks their own path in life” It’s one of the most basic principles that anyone would take for granted, but one I couldn’t face with honesty. This is the place I chose for myself because I wanted to be here.  The idea of one day leaving it to walk my own path… It’s hard for me to grasp. So I figured my path in life wasn’t to go out there and chase my own dreams. My path in life is to be a part of this group. That was my answer. But at the pace the member lineup kept changing, even that conviction started to crumble.

The group constantly moves forward, but instead of trying to reach for new heights with it, there I was trying to preserve something.

------------------- ANGERME My group

“I want to continue chasing my dreams together with everyone forever.” While holding on to feelings such as these, the way I viewed ANGERME was gradually changing.

I began realizing that ANGERME can only truly become ANGERME if I were to no longer be a part of it (read: if all the original members are gone). It’d give the name change from S/mileage to ANGERME a real purpose.

Thinking about the group, about its future, also influenced the way I think regarding myself.

I didn’t come this far for nothing. I’m kept moving forward because I wanted to. That dream that we were all chasing, wouldn’t it be possible if it’s with ANGERME? I held on to these expectations. But after alluding to this dream for so long, would it be alright for me to be the one to ruin it? I became disappointed with myself.

The ANGERME I’m trying to create is but an idealization of my personal desires. I wish I had noticed it sooner. Or if I hadn’t noticed it, then maybe I’d have been able to carry on as always.  If things had turned out exactly as I envisioned it, I’m sure it wouldn’t have weighed so heavily on my mind.

But being able to take a hold of me to this extent This is a true testament to the charm; The potential this group possesses.

Furthermore, the members of ANGERME are also part of what’s kept leading me astray.

“I’m in this group because YOU are the one leading it.” “Please say with us forever”

Were they reading my heart? No. I’d like to believe they never noticed anything. With a twinkle in their eyes, as if you can see their aspiration in them, they tell me things like this. Their existence is so bright to me. To the point where I almost need to close my own eyes looking at them.

Thinking about the group after I’m gone scared me. I’ve gotten used to seeing others pass the torch to their juniors after witnessing their growth, but I don’t understand it myself. I’m not able to say that things will turn out alright, and I’m worried. Too worried even.

2017 was a year where the group and its future kept troubling both my mind and my heart.

What did I gain during all these years? Was it becoming more talented? Was it a happy life as an idol? It’s nothing so simple as that. I think by experiencing so many different things over the years, I grew as an individual.

Then… Will all my juniors be able to do the same?

Thinking about ANGERME in this way… I came to the conclusion that what ANGERME and my juniors need isn’t me. What’s needed is that every member gets to experience standing on their own two feet.

I’ve already gotten my share of life lessons from this.  From here on out it’s better for them to step forward and express their own opinions and desires, and I really hope they feel that way too.

It’s when all ANGERME’s original members are gone, that ANGERME will truly begin. What form the group will take is something they decide by their own hands; something they create together. There’s a lot of meaning to that, and it will be a great experience for them. I want for them to forget about me, and shape ANGERME together.

I think it’s that type of environment that shapes our adolescence. That helps us grow. Adolescence is probably the best way to describe it. If the group were to continue the way it was, then it’d just lead to everyone eventually heading towards their own path in life. Seems I still can’t buy the idea of everyone having this predetermined path laid out for them.

When I think of the group’s future, it’s that looming feeling that the members will eventually walk their own paths that get me the most. I feel it’s a waste. The more I think about taking the own path thing seriously, the less understand it. It’s so simple, but it’s what’s been nagging my mind.

But I’ll have it that way. I’ll walk my own path with all my might.

---- I want to continue standing on stage. My next goal is to continue singing and dancing well into my thirties. I want to try expressing myself in all sorts of manners. I’d like to spend my twenties making this a reality. If possible, I want to do so while still being regarded as an idol.

“That’s probably not very befitting of an idol?” “You’ll be an idol at this point in life?” No matter what people might say, I’m ready to continue on as an idol.

I dislike the idea that the label “Idol” has to follow some pre-determined set of conventions. I want to become someone who surpasses those; I want to show the world an idol can be so much more.

That way, I can say that from here on out is the real beginning. I’m excited to discover my own expression. But more than anything, I want to continue being a girl who can provide people with courage, and lift them up no matter what kind of troubles might be weighing on their mind.

I hope my future activities would come to be beneficial for Hello Project as well. Hello Project who reached its twentieth anniversary this year; It’d be nice if it’d continue this trend from now on as well.

That’s another reason why I want to remain on stage.

----------------- My activities in ANGERME, as well as Hello Project will end in about a year.

I’m sure you’re overcome with lots of different emotions after reading this text, but let me thank you for thinking about me, about ANGERME, as well as Hello Project.

It’s only one more year, but I’ll doing my utmost to present to you the best group there ever was, so I’d be happy if you’d continue to look after us. Or rather, I’ll work my hardest so that you’ll having something to look forward to in the future.

Thank you for your continued support.

As I was handed latest 10th gen DVD All the good times; those memories came back to me It’s pretty crazy how fast time flies Most of my memories start from our conversations in MM’14 That special period when we truly bonded  No matter how I think about Those were some really happy times But ya know  Where there’s sunshine there’s rain and there were times when I’d cry Times where I’d smile Times that we’d fight (Like Me vs Ayumin; Me vs Duu) Looking back at it now  The fights themselves were kinda childish But be it concerts Or backstage The canvas painted in my mind is one filled with laughter Remembering these happy times makes me think yet again I am happy I could join them The tenth gen; Morning Musume  The grilled meat the other day was pretty neat I laughed; I mean After all the oldest girl (H-nan) Is a creature like this

Like Muhammad Ali she’s simply the greatest

Apron Ishiduu A to the P to the RON

Qt ＼(^o^)／

This the kinda shit that pops up in my head while I’m watching Todome no Kiss

Quick “by ear” translation of Morning Musume ‘18′s latest song “A Gonna.” It’s a song produced by Tsunku, and fans are speculating it’s Haruna Ogata’s graduation song given the theme of sticking to your intentions, plus the fact that “A gonna” is “Ee gana,” a Kansai-ben expression along the lines of “Eh, whatever” or “It’s okay.”   The letter A is also associated with her due to her cup size and that she formed a little a cup gang with the 10th generation members Kudo and Iikubo.  Not gonna read much into the speculations myself but I do fucking love the song so I translated it so everyone else can make their own judgement! 

So, what kind of challenges will you take on? It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. So, how will you face them? When they come at you with no mercy. Will you allow your nerves to hold you back?   It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. Can you really do it with it these feelings? It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. If there’s no one willing to take responsibity There’s no reason to stick to the group Bring out your courage and wit Aim for a lifestyle that suits you Being force-fed with love can be a bother (Being force-fed with love can be a bother) But not pushing away is part of the problem (But not pushing away is part of the problem)

It finally dawned on me

As the dance instructors and stage directors have started paying less attention to me They also offer less advice. S’what I realized after dress rehearsal earlier.   Just 5 or 4 years ago they’d be like You sang really well here Your singing was pretty wack there Yo that face you just pulled looks straight outta’ Ringu The staff members and instructors would compliment or criticize me like that But nowadays it’s just Nah. When I see them deal with the 12th or 13th generation members that way I get kinda jealous And then I get mad at myself for being jealous I really am a pitiful and annoying girl, ain’t I? I wish I could become more like Tanasatan (heart) Strong; Good at singing; Caring; Funny; Someone that everyone thinks is a great person

I wish I could become more like 😍Minishige😍:

Cute; Hardworking; Sexy; Caring; Genuine; Funny (The very best that ever was)

😍Minishige😍

🙄Tanasatan🙄

A poem Maachan wrote for the Morning Musume ‘17 Inspiration spring tour. (So prior to Morito joining) It’s featured on DVD Magazine vol 104 for those interested! I decided to translate it to celebrate her flower themed centre song Hana ga Saku, Taiyou Abite.

Number one Thirteen flowers that can’t be found anywhere else Right now, each one of these thirteen flowers is trying to blossom. But it takes a long time for a tiny bud to grow into a big flower. While few of us would call a bud pretty It tries its best to grow into a beautiful flower Even so, not every flower blossoms into a beautiful one It depends on the flower itself But when these beautiful flowers do blossom You can bind them together in a vivid bouquet Only thirteen; Yet thirteen unique flowers that carry their own meaning Even if one of them were to wither It will always remain a bouquet of thirteen The name of this bouquet is   Rin   

I did a vote on twitter saying I’d translate a Morning Musume song, and people chose this one sung by all the leaders of Morning Musume, past or present. Lyrics and composition was done Kenichi Maedayama, also known as Hyadain, a very famous Japanese composer who also happens to be a big H!P/Tsunku fan. It’s basically a big mumbo-jumbo of references. I’ve tried adding a list of all the ones I get in the bottom but don’t expect too much.

1997 We were born. LEADERS！ 20years and more！ Morning Musume。

The first　 Yuko Nakazawa！

The eldest, therefore the leader Even though I was just as inexperienced I’ll scold you, even if they makes you hate me But the new members treat me like an auntie!!

The second   Kaori Iida！

I want to space out And hey, I want to smile　(Hey, just smile!！) I want to wear frilly clothes I made it. I was able to do it all.

The third Mari Yaguchi！

I’m really sorry, you know That someone like me is a former leader Still... Watch me, my juniors How I rise no matter how many times I fall

The fourth　 Hitomi Yoshizawa！

Out of the blue, I was appointed leader But that’s fine, I’ll make sure to pull my weight! What’s important for a leader Is the manpower to stay true to your intentions！ Yeah Yeah Yeah

LEADERS！The five seeds that we planted (Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah) LEADERS！Continued to grow And will continue to do so, until we’ve planted a whole forest！Yeah！

1997 We were born. LEADERS！ 20years and more！Morning Musume。

The fifth　 Miki Fujimoto！

Huh, I count as a leader？ With the shortest tenure of 25 days Went from solo to a group member And graduated romantically

The sixth  Ai Takahashi！

Everyday as precious as platinum I’m not letting this ember die out Cheer you up, while also offering advice So that everyone can shine again

The seventh　Risa Niigaki！

This is Morning Musume。 Is what I intended to show them But I turned into their mom instead Even so, this is still my precious place

The eighth Sayumi Michishige！

A leader is more or less The whole group’s face So you gotta be cute Good thing I’m already as cute as one can be “I’m cute today as well!”

LEADERS！　Sometimes it’s a job with little merit (U! Ha! U! Ha!) LEADERS！　But overcoming it We’re able to pass the baton to the hope of the next generation, yeah！ 1997 We were born. LEADERS！ 20years and more！　Morning Musume。

The ninth & current　 Mizuki Fukumura！

Carrying the weight of twenty whole years It sometimes feels like I’ll break under pressure But when it feels like I have hit a stop I feel it; Remember it; The warmth of my predecessors.

Even if they call us leaders; There are times when we want to be spoiled too. Even if they call us leaders; There are times when we want to run away Even though we’re leaders;  It’s fine to be ourselves! Because we’re leaders; We get to enjoy this more than anyone else.

「It’s okay！」「It’s fine！！」「Don’t worry！！！」「It’ll be alright！！！！」「No worries！！！！！」「It’s cool！！！！！！」 「Don’t fret it！！！！！！！」「You can do it！！！！！！！！」

Morning Musume。 Let’s do our best out there！！

LEADERS！Though a lot happened along the way, it’s already been 20 years. (Congratulations) LEADERS！Be thankful to your instructors And sing a song; For the new comrades that you have yet to meet. Saying lets drink coffee together, decades from now. Yeah！

1997 We were born. LEADERS！ 20years and more！　Morning Musume。 1997 We were born. LEADERS！ 20years and more！　Morning Musume。 -------------------------------------

Reference list: 

Sup ya’ll it’s the Goddess of Mercy DEATH Today’s one of those Hello Project concerts Ya’ll love so much Fuck yeah! Morning ya’ll Today We’re in Osaka Reppin’ Tsunku’s hometown Or so I’m told at least But have a look at this instead (heart heart heart heart heart) I created this line-up DEATH (green heart)

What do you think????? It’s lame?? S’all cool cause I prepared one more photo! *Sound effect Japanese people make when showing people stuff cause they play too much legend of zelda*

What do you thiiiii??? iiIIiiIiiIiiII???? nnnnnnkkkkkkkk???

Lyrics translation of the song from the short film with the same title, starring Marika Itou.  Lyrics are written by Marika herself, if I recall correctly. Post-idols are the realest shit around.

When I was 15, I auditioned for Nogizaka I actually passed!? Happy; Feeling that lasted but a brief moment As the first single’s lineup was announced, my name wasn’t called What should I do? What is it I lack? The stress got me working, spinning, round and round, a full circle My position decided by strangers; I cried. There even were sleepless nights  Looking at the others I see everyone’s shining. Oh I’m so jealous, how nice, how lucky

But I was wrong. It’s because it’s something she could do Something I couldn’t handle. Everyone carries their own bright shine When I accepted that fact, it was as if something fell

No confidence; My voice’s unstable Why an idol?  Why did I become one? It was always a complex of mine But because you told it adds character Because you told me so that day!

Neither my style nor my interests are idol-like at all Thank you for discovering me, although I am this weird How come you chose me? What led you all this way? How can you look at me with that friendly smile?

That time, you stretched out your hand towards me Your words really helped me a lot For watching over me Reading my blog Commenting The cheers The Marikka towels The green and purple glow sticks Thank you; Thank you; Thanks for everything Thank you for coming to see me and grabbing my hand. If I hadn’t come here I wouldn’t have met them; The members that I hold so dear Aren’t they amazing? Aren’t they the best? I’m really lucky to have been part of this These one, two, three, four, five, six years Are my pride; My youth; I will treasure them for the rest of my life Used to the third row, mostly its corner Could never get used to being in the centre, guess that’s just how I am In front of my eyes and to the left it expands. Everyone; The scenery; The lights The voices of all the fans; I’ll never ever forget them. I won’t forget them, okay! Moss; Rocks and metal aren’t very idol-like Thank you for discovering me, although I am this weird How come you chose me? What led you all this way? How can you look at me with that friendly smile?

That time, you stretched out your hand towards me Your words really helped me a lot For watching over me Reading my blog Commenting The cheers The Marikka towels The green and purple glow sticks Thank you; Thank you; Thanks for everything Thank you for coming to see me and grabbing my hand.

It was as beautiful as the stars In this vast universe; Me and you That we were able to meet here is a miracle I’m thankful for I want to talk to you more; I don’t want it to end here Separating is lonely, but I want you to see a different side of me So if it’s okay with you, and just if; Won’t you come with me? Towards your future, and mine It’d be nice if they one day, somewhere, would come to intertwine A new me, the sponges that’ll come to be… Wait, sponge!? 

(Wordplay: Me = Watashi. Tawashi = Sponge)

Let’s move forward, one step at a time Even if you’re insecure Feeling anxious, or get lost in the woods Mistake your train card for a cake (splat) Become a polar bear Un deux trois and cut your hair It’ll grow out again before you know it Sometimes all it takes is exclaiming Marikka

Translation of my distinction with original lyrics written by Ling-Ling from the group. One of my favourite songs from the group overall. It’s honestly quite a mess to translate so it loses a lot of the flavour it has in the Japanese, but I hope I was able to make a decently understandable adaption of it in English. 

Thank you for yesterday, everyone.

Duu’s fans, As well as Duu. Did it become an evening of tears and laughter? Or well It was mostly tears for the lot of you I guess?

Hmm… What to write? lol Like Should I write down my honest feelings Or should I keep the facade up? What to do…

The first time we met I immediately thought of her as a friend. But as she was way more frank than I had ever imagined There were a lot of times she hurt me. Though I’m sure there was a lot of times where she was hurt by things I said too.

But it was around… 2014 maybe? Everyone approached me saying nothing but “Duu this” “Duu that” It irritated me. And it also made me become irritated at Duu. Reason being I wanted to make her mine, and mine only.  Kinda like… Ayumin during the show at Budoukan.

Even when not talking we’ll have fun. We understand each other. We can feel at ease when the other one’s around. Someone says Duu, you reply Maa. With Maa comes Duu… Is the kind of scenario I wanted, and I was hoping we both felt that way. Maybe I’m picking the wrong approach, lol.  To put it simply… I wanted to think of us as two girls who had been best friends since childhood?

But then when the 12th generation were added Chin (Akane Haga) kept going on about “Ishiduu this” “Ishiduu that.” At first it really hurt me. To the point where I felt like crying…

But I chose to hide these feelings, and as time passed I eventually became apathetic to it.

I figured she (Duu) probably won’t show her true self to other members anyway. That if I want to see that side of her, it’ll have to be after her graduation. By graduating, Duu’s gonna become more and more mature. And when that time comes, will she show me her true self? Or will there still be a barrier between us?

Until I figure out the answer to that… I just don’t know...

All the things I’ve been told up until now like “Let’s graduate together,” How I’m like a sister to her. How we’re best friends… I don’t know how much of it I believe anymore. Or if I believe it at all.

So the graduation ceremony turned into something of a “See you later,” rather than something sad. It’s up to Duu to keep in touch though, lol.

But I really do love her personality. I wish I could have met her in a different environment where we’d meet up casually, get it into fights, make up, repeat… Not as members of Morning Musume. Morning Musume is a job after all. In the end, we were more of business partners than actual best friends, so it might’ve been better if we had just kept things on a more superficial level.

I really did think of you as my best friend though. But you thought of me as overbearing, didn’t you?

A song from Sayumi Michishige’s show SAYUMINGLANDOLL 〜Saisei〜  I previously translated true love true real love from it, but this is probably my absolute favourite, and one of my favourite songs from the year in general.  Can be found on youtube if you search well

What’s the difference between Living and dying Neither changes anything You just exist somewhere  

The things I’ve dreamt The things I’ve thought of Are a lot alike. They lack shape Intangible; They don’t exist here

There’s not many differences between the two of us We’re not identical, but we’ll both return to the same place in the end How many ages have we traversed? How many endings have we witnessed? What I’ve come to know Is that I still don’t know anything Here. Right here. I’ll become stronger Here. Right here. I’ll live life to the fullest That’s my answer The far future and the past Depending on from where you see it are a lot alike. Wondrously so. The difference is they’re not the now They don’t take place here Because our souls would not separate, you and me Were able to meet here again

As one world goes to rest Another one wakes up What I hold here in my palm Is the everything called “nothing”

Where? Just where is life drifting towards? Where? Just where will this song reach? Embrace its words

Best song from new album. 

edit -> switched delusional to daydreaming cause it sounds better.

How lame; Can’t even fake a smile Does everything in this world need to be confirmed? I’m almost an adult already Do I need to file a document just cause I fell in love? I want to stand out more; Want to have more fun I want to become more assertive; more & more & more For some reason… I’m becoming more and more normal.

I look out over the entire world but… Isn’t Japan pretty amazing!? Instead of going on diet Become a better person on the inside All the energy you waste complaining Is better spent on something else

Hug me, and then give me a kiss I’m sure to flee, so make sure run after A song about a daydreaming girl Awakening to love I want to break out; I want to mess around I want to get excited only to implode I’m cautious of other people… What am I afraid of? When did this start happening… It’s kinda petty I’m playing it safer and safer.

Although you could say I’ve gotten closer Seeing the whole world; It’s appears so far! As long as you study well Your grades will go up Being a student Is really simple, isn’t it?

Hug me, and then give me a kiss If I grow timid, then console me with all your being Romance is something truly great  A song about a daydreaming girl

I usually translate titles, but I’m leaving this one cause it’s honestly impossible to translate literally. Maybe something along the lines of Pass the melody or Pass the baton. But whatever. Great song. 

Another fantastic Wasuta ballad. 

This is my favourite japanese song from the entire year, written by singer-songwriter Seiko Oomori to be performed by Sayumi Michishige.  The reason I credit both is because it is very much a song written through the perspective of Seiko, who is a very big fan of Sayumi. There’s also a cover by the songwriter herself floating around the Internet. 

There’s nothing as boring as talking about dreams But while you were gone I decided that I just have to tell you everything About this dream I saw

Inside the dream I was rehearsing my smile The one I’d show you the next time we meet “You’re looking great as always,” I said And as I opened my eyes, there you were in front of me

I love you too much… I just can’t… Although I promised not to talk about it…Not giving it my all when the time comes would turn everything into a lie

Looking back, everything has been so magical I can’t even tell what was the dream and what was reality But that I’ve come this far is a fact The tears in your eyes made me realize that

True love; True real love Even if I try to hide it there’s nothing but love… love… love All this weirdness I’ve shown you is an expression of my love