Beep Beep Richie

The Losers Club ( + Clowntown ) as M*A*S*H

Part 8/?? of the canon on this account. where Eddie survives

“Fuck Eds, Mark is going to hate this. He’s going to be so disappointed.” Richie said, looking like someone had just shat on his rug. 

“Richie, it doesn’t matter. You tried! That’s what matters.” Eddie said it as gently as he could, putting a hand on Richie’s shoulder and trying to be a good friend. 

“No he- shit. He asked for one thing and I couldn’t even- fuck.” Richie was shaking his head, still staring at the collapsed souffle. Eddie had to admit, it wasn’t the prettiest thing he’d seen but that didn’t matter. Richie had tried something new, he’d baked something on his own for his ungrateful boyfriend. That should be the important thing but Eddie knew that Richie was right- Mark wouldn’t care. He’d only see that it wasn’t perfectly, that Richie had failed. It made Eddie’s blood boil. 

Heard you folks loud and clear. Read part 1 here and part 2 here 

For the second time that day Richie’s poor phone made contact with the hard floor as he stared at the man in front of him, stunned that he was there, in Richie’s home. He was in the same outfit that Richie had last seen him in, the one that appeared in his dreams and nightmares- a red windbreaker and jeans. Except that this outfit, like the man wearing it, was intact. No giant spear protruding from his chest, no blood or guts. Nothing. It didn’t even have dirt or grime from the sewer on it. For some reason that was the hardest part for Richie to wrap his head around. 

“Richie!” He heard Stan yell from his phone. Carefully, not taking his eyes off Eddie, he bent down to pick it up. 

“Gonna need to call you back. Go have celebration sex with Patty or something.” He said, hanging up despite Stan’s protests. 

Jane!!!! Yay thank you!!!! Expect an overuse of italics!!!!

“Are you- are you pulling down mistletoe?”

“Yeah,” Eddie huffed, landing on his feet with a thud, sprig of mistletoe in hand. “Ben hung up way too much. I can’t tell if he’s just upping his chances of ending up under one with Bev or if he just wants every combination of losers to kiss. Either way. Too much.”

“Eds, there is no such thing as too much love,” Richie said, snagging the mistletoe from his hands. Eddie frowned. 

“It’s not love, Richie,” he said, a hand on his hip. “It’s forcing intimacy between people who might not even want it!”

“Damn, Eds, who are you so desperate not to kiss?”

Eddie flushed. “Don’t call me Eds, you know I hate that.”

Richie ignored him. “Who are you avoiding forced intimacy with?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “You, dick for brains.”

Richie gasped, a hand flying to his chest. “Eddie Spaghetti, I am hurt! Appalled! Simply broken-hearted.”

“Don’t call me Eddie Spaghetti, that’s even worse than Eds. And what Voice is that even supposed to be?”

“Leading lady from a black and white movie,” Richie answered. “Not good?”

“Can I have the mistletoe back, please?” Eddie asked, not answering. He held a hand out.

“C’mon, Eds,” Richie said. “It’s our first holiday away from home! Mistletoe is a tradition at holiday parties. Do you want to - you don’t want to ruin Christmas and Hanukkah, do you?”

“Yes, because having ten less mistletoe in this studio apartment is going to ruin Christmas and Hanukkah.” Eddie reached out to grab the sprig from Richie but Richie was too quick, holding his hand up above his head where there was no way Eddie could reach it. “Richie!”

“Nope!” Richie said, backing up when Eddie stepped closer, a hand on his shoulder for balance as he tried to jump up to reach Richie’s hand. “You know, technically we’re both under the mistletoe right now.”

Eddie stepped back immediately, cheeks turning pink. He looked away. “What the fuck ever, Trashmouth.”

“But I get it,” Richie continued sadly, “you don’t want forced intimacy with me. I’ll just have to go mend my wounded heart, my -”

“I don’t want forced intimacy, you big dumb -” Eddie stopped, huffing. He crossed his arms over his chest. “You know I haven’t had my first kiss yet. I don’t want it to be because somebody… Like, because they have to, you know? For tradition. I want it to be because somebody wants to kiss me.”

He was looking at the ground, Suddenly Richie’s beat up black Converse came into his line of sight and he could feel how close he stood.

“Kiss me,” Richie said quietly. They were two words Eddie had been waiting to hear from his best friend for years, but they didn’t feel like he thought they would. He never wanted them said out of pity.

“Rich, I just said -”

“I’m not holding the mistletoe anymore.”

Eddie’s breath hitched. Slowly, he picked his head up, noticing on the way that both of Richie’s arms were at his side, mistletoe clutched in one hand. When his eyes reached Richie’s face he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. This was what he’d imagined, over and over, when Richie said those two words.

“C’mon, Eds,” Richie murmured, his free hand coming up to cup Eddie’s hot cheek. His eyelids fluttered as Richie leaned closer. “Kiss me.”

“Don’t call me Eds,” he muttered, closing his eyes. He let out a small gasp when Richie’s lips touched his, and he pushed up on his toes to get closer. The kiss was soft and slow, and Eddie reached down to Richie’s hand, taking the mistletoe from his grasp and throwing it to the side, not caring where it landed. He laced their fingers instead.

“What was that for?” Richie asked, barely putting any space between them. 

5. Okay, but first kiss me.

30. “Why are you crying?” “*drunk*‘Cause I foun’ out you’re engaged!” “Yeah! To you!”

——

“Richie.”

Stan’s irritated voice comes from his left. He drags his attention away from Bill drunkenly regaling them with the latest celebrity gossip he’s privy to from the set of his new movie. Richie’s already heard the story from his agent, but Bill is so animated, keeps laughing halfway through a sentence, and Richie and the rest of the gang are captivated.

Stan is frowning, lips pursed distastefully. He tends to only look like this when Richie is being exceedingly entertaining, in his opinion, or “pathologically irritating” in Stanley’s.

“Stan the man. What did I do this time?”

“Please go talk to Eddie, before I have to put him out in the yard.”

Words: 2,711

Pairing: reddie

READ ON AO3 Here

Below is it unedited which is not going to stress the italics since tumblr doesnt copy the format but WHATEVER

—————————————–

Richie Tozier is what one would call “just married.” To his family and friends, they think that he eloped quickly. And, maybe so, but it’s not that he meant to. It just happened. One moment he was talking to a girl on tinder, and weeks later, he was getting married to the love of his life. And, it wasn’t the girl he’d found on tinder. It was her friend’s ex boyfriend, who he just so happened to meet through their dates. 

There’s no drama of it all. Richie’s ex girlfriend actually finds it quite amusing. They’re even still in touch. There’s no hard feelings. Which is why Richie decides to come out as bisexual by using how he met his husband in his comedy act.

Written by @rosepetalrichie

Gift for @gazebo-reddie

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak

Word count: 990

Rating: T

Richie is about to piss himself.

Not from laughing, like that one time in middle school (which, by the way, none of the others have let him live it down – “Richie pissed himself! Richie pissed himself!”) but from pure, concentrated nerves. 

What the hell was he even anxious for? This is Eddie, for Christ’s sake. He’s known this man since they were six. Six! This is one of the people who have seen him through his worst, which includes those few years of god awful acne, his emo phase freshman year, and, of course, the time he pissed himself from laughing too hard.

And yet he’s still on the couch bouncing his leg like his life depended on it. There’s a mere crumb of doubt that’s making him want to put the whole thing off for another day. What if Eddie had a stressful day at work and just wants to go to bed as soon as he gets home? What if the ring isn’t the right size? And, god forbid, what if Eddie says no?

Written by @pawprinterfanfic

Gift for @greenornaments

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak

Word count: 9,500

Rating: Teen

AO3 Llink

Eddie Kaspbrak never knew loving someone could hurt so much.

He was eighteen when he found out. It was his first year of college, and his insufferable roommate managed to worm his way into his heart. 

(Fuck that guy.)

Richie was everything he should’ve hated — he was messy, and loud, and annoying. He did hate him. He hated his crude jokes, and his trash mouth, and his smile that caused his heart to skip a beat, and his gorgeous eyes, and his ability to make him laugh at anything, and how his heart was seemingly always in the right place, and—

Yeah. Eddie was a goner. 

Stan: they’re fighting

Mike: then why are they holding hands?

Summary: Eddie is a witch with a big fat crush on his friend. What could possibly go wrong?

Written by @reddieforlove​

Gift for @heknewwellenough

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak

Word count: 1427

Rating: T for language

Eddie would always remember the first time that he met Richie Tozier. When they shook hands, the lights above them flickered. That’s when he knew that something was off. It would have been comedic if it wasn’t so damn frustrating. A powerful witch with a fucking crush. What the hell? The worst part was that he had no idea how to deal with it.

Nothing like this had ever happened to him. Things might have been intense with other people but they were never this explosive. And that wasn’t even an exaggeration. It was thoughts like these that had Eddie glowering into a half empty glass of water as Stan meticulously wiped down the bar in front of him.

“Incoming,” his best friend warned.

Eddie tensed up, inhaling deeply as he heard footsteps approaching.

“So just call him.”

Richie sat in his room, rotary phone up to his ear. Only half of Beverly’s words were sinking in as he twirled the spiral chord absentmindedly.

“I can’t just call him. I mean, I can, but I can’t ask him to do something with just me. He’ll definitely ask about you guys.”

Her voice was clear on the other line, optimistic. “Then just tell him we’re all busy.

“All five of you?” Richie considered this a moment. “Actually that may work.”

“So it’s a haunted hayride?”

“No, no, no, they cancelled that. It’s a corn maze now.”

“Oh, Eddie will love that. Cow shit and pesticides.”

“Do you think it’s a bad idea?” Richie’s voice filled with concern.

“Rich, he’ll love anything you pick. You’ll make it fun.” She hesitated a moment. “Just...leave out the part about the shit.”

“Okay, I guess I’m gonna call him.”

“Lemme know if he’s a good kisser!”

Richie scoffed and hung up the phone.

He hesitated, hand lingering over the receiver. Breathed in a deep breath and picked up the phone. This is just Eddie. I’m just asking him to hang out. That’s all this is.

It rang once. Twice. Then a voice came through completely opposite from what he had hoped.

“Kaspbrak residence, this is Sonia.”

Shit. Since she heard about the incident with Richie in the arcade, Ms. Kaspbrak was not too font of Richie. “Um,” Richie altered his voice slightly. “This is Bill. Is Eddie home?”

“Sure sweetie, I’ll call him in.” The phone thumped down and Richie could faintly hear a call for Eddie. Something in Richie’s chest trilled with nervousness as he waited.

Suddenly, a familiar voice came through the other line, which paired the nervousness in Richie’s chest in a duet with warmth.

“Bill?”

Richie let out a loud laugh. “Your mom falls for that every time. I swear I could make it out there doing impressions.”

Eddie let out a small laugh. Aware of his mom in the other room, he continued to play along. “Bill, Richie doesn’t call here anymore.” Richie’s laugh exploded again in Eddie’s ear, causing him to smile.

“I wonder if Sonia realizes how much gets under her nose.”

“If she did I would never have access to the world again.” Richie laughed again.

“Speaking of outside world, I was wondering if you’d wanna get out of the house tonight, go to a haunted trail with me. Get into the spooky season vibe.”

“Trail? Is it in a corn maze?”

Richie hesitated, remembering Beverly’s words. “I don’t think so.”

“Then sure. What time?”

“I’ll pick you up at six.”

“Who all is coming?”

Richie’s nerves lit up. “Uh, well the others are all busy, so it’ll just be us.”

“Oh. Okay. So six?”

“On the dot, Eddie Spaghetti.”

Eddie scoffed. “Will you stop with that obnoxious nickname?”

“Never. Besides, you know you love it,” Richie responded, wearing a wide smile.

Eddie matches his smile. “I fucking hate it.”

“Sure, Eds. See ya tonight.”

“Yeah, see ya, Trashmouth.”

Richie put down the phone and breathed a sigh of relief before heading to get changed.

Eddie set down his own receiver, feeling a bit uneasy. Just him and Richie? They’d never done something on their own before. It could just be his own mind overthinking, but he couldn’t help but feel like this had implications. And then the nicknames? Sure, Richie always had always done that, but even Ben admitted that it sounded flirty when he did.

Eddie needed a second opinion.

The phone rang once. Twice. Three times. Then Stan picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Eddie. Quick question: what do you have going on tonight?”

“Well, after I finish rehearsing these lines I’m pretty much free. Why?”

“I knew something was off. Okay:” Then Eddie recounted to Stan what had happened in their phone call, being careful to refer to Richie as Trashmouth in the incident that his mother was listening.

“Sounds to me like a date.”

Eddie froze. “D-date?”

“Well, I mean why else would he lie and say we were all busy?”

“Maybe he just thought you were all busy.”

“Eddie: if he wanted us to come he would have invited us.”

Eddie pondered this a moment. “So you’re saying I just accepted a date?”

“Sounds like it.”

“But-“ Eddie shook his head. “No, that’s insane. Can’t be.”

“Why not?”

“Because.” He lowered his voice. “It’s Trashmouth. Trashmouth doesn’t see me in that way.”

“How do you know?”

The thought of Richie possibly having feelings for Eddie made his stomach jump. “I just do.”

“Well why else would he not want any of us to go?”

“Maybe he wants to talk to me about something.”

“Yeah, like his undying love for you.”

“Shut the fuck up, Stan.” Stan’s laughter echoed through the receiver.

Weak from laughter, Stan spoke, “Well, lemme know how your date goes.”

Eddie’s eyebrows rose. “It’s not a date!!”

There was a silence on the other end and then a dial tone. Undying love. He smiled at the thought before snapping himself out of it. Richie just wanted to hang out. It would be a bit of a stretch to assume this meant anything more.

But once the idea had been placed, it was hard to replace. When the knock came at Eddie’s door, his stomach leapt again. When he saw Richie dressed in his denim jacket and black jeans, he had to admit Richie seemed to have put some thought into his outfit.

“Hey,” Richie said in his Bill accent - aware of Ms. Kaspbrak - wide grin on his face and his hands shoved into his pockets. “You ready?”

Eddie smiled back and nodded, feeling suddenly self-conscious.

They got into Richie’s car and drove a moment before Richie broke the silence.

“You’re not nervous are you?”

Eddie froze, his heart beginning to pound. Could Richie really see right through him?

“Uh, no, why would I be?”

“Ah, I just thought our Eddie Spaghetti might be worried about the boogeymen in the corn fields. This is new ground for you.”

A sigh of relief escaped his mouth. The trail. It’s just about the trail.

“I’ve done haunted houses before. With you.”

“Yeah, but a maze is different.”

“Maze??” Eddie sits up in his seat. “You said it wasn’t a maze!”

Richie gives a devious grin. “I had to say something to get you to come.”

“Richie, I don’t know about this.”

“Oh, don’t get scared now, Eddie.” Richie chuckles to himself. “You’re telling me you don’t wanna get lost with me in the corn maze?”

Eddie goes pink and shoves Richie. “Shut the fuck up.” Richie let out a loud laugh in response.

“You know I’ll protect you, Eddiebear.”

Eddie goes a shade darker. “You know I hate that nickname.” Eddie looked out the window to hide the smile creeping onto his face. “I just think we’re gonna get really lost.”

“That’s the whole point. It’ll be fun.”

“Knowing you you’ll make us have fun whether it’s fun or not.”

“Oh, stop it, Eddie. You make me blush.” Richie spoke in a playful tone, but if Eddie would have looked close enough he would have seen that Richie did wear a blush.

The rest of the drive was full of laughter and music as they discussed corny costumes and their favorite memories of Halloween pranks. When they pulled into the spot, Eddie’s stomach started knotting. The sky was already darkening, a vast expanse of color fading from deep blue to a warm pink. It was in this lighting that Eddie noticed Richie’s hair, more tousled than usual. Did he fix it up for tonight?

No, Eddie stopped himself. I’m just imagining it. But he can’t help imagining other things as well, like running his fingers through that hair as he feels Richie’s hands-

“Do you want hot chocolate?”

Richie’s sudden question snapped him out of his haze. “Uh, sure.”

They approached the booth. “Five dollars?! Wanna just share one?”

Eddie’s mouth went dry at the thought of drinking out of the same cup as Richie; he managed a nod.

They find a place to sit and wait for their group to be called, passing the hot chocolate back and forth to stay warm. Somewhere in the distance, screams can be heard, and Eddie shudders as he looks on at the ever-darkening field.

Richie nudged him with his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. You know it’s all fake.” Eddie nodded in response. “We don’t have to do it if you don’t -“

“No! I want to!”

Richie’s face spread into a toothy grin. “Alrighty then. Just don’t let the scarecrows grab you and take you to their nest.”

Eddie cackled, which makes Richie beam with pride at his joke. “Scarecrows don’t have nests.” Eddie looked on at the field as an unusually loud scream can be heard. “Seriously though, you better not leave me in there.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Eds. You can hold my hand if you want.” He stuck out a hand to Eddie which he pushed away playfully.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”

“I’m ser-“

Before Richie could finish his sentence, the announcer had called their group. The nerves begin to settle in both of their stomachs, but what excited Richie terrified Eddie.

After a moment of discussing rules, the group was shoved into the shadowy, towering maze. Richie felt Eddie tense next to him.

He grabbed his arm, causing Eddie to jump. “Hey, just try and relax, okay? It’s scary fun. It’s not meant to be real fear.”

Eddie gave him a small smile. “You’re righ-AH!”

In the middle of his sentence, a fake crow popped out of the bushes, causing him to shriek. Richie began rolling with laughter.

“You’ve gotta chill out.”

Eddie nodded, glancing down at Richie’s hand which was still on his arm. “You’re telling me.”

They continued walking through the path, occasional jump scares making them laugh. A good amount of time passed before they begun to stop hearing the voices of their group members.

“Should I be getting worried? I literally hear nothing.”

“Relax Eddie; that’s just their way of getting to us.”

Eddie heard screams echoing from somewhere far behind them. “No, I seriously think we did something wrong. Back there is the attraction.”

“We can’t go back the way we came. Let’s just keep going.”

“It just keeps getting narrower up here, Richie. Fuck, I just stepped in shit.”

“It’s probably mud,” Richie corrected, chuckling.

“Well it keeps getting darker so I wouldn’t know!”

Richie stopped and rubbed his face. “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry I didn’t think this through a little better. This may have been a bad idea. Neither one of us have a good sense of direction, and you didn’t wanna come here anyway. Let’s just turn back.”

Eddie stopped and turned to Richie. “I never said I wanted to leave.” He wiped his nose on his arm. “And if I didn’t wanna come I wouldn’t have.” Richie stared at him a moment, uncertain. Eddie walked up to him. “Are you getting nervous? We can go back if you are.”

“No, no. I just- “ He looked up at the sky, now dotted with stars. “Forget it.”

Richie started to continue on the path. “Wait- What?” Eddie caught up to him. “What is it?”

“Nothing, let’s just hope this path doesn’t stay as lame as it has been.”

“Don’t try to change the subject. What were you gonna-“

“-hold your hand.” Eddie‘s breath caught in his throat. Richie took a deep breath. “I...was just thinking that would help. But it’s stupid. So forget it.”

Eddie’s gaze softened and Stan’s words echoed in his mind. Maybe it hadn’t been such of a stretch after all.

He reached out and clasped Richie’s hand in his own, giving it a soft squeeze. Richie looked over and gave him a grateful smile.

“You don’t have to, Eds-“

“I want to.”

The two walked like that for awhile: silent, surrounded by the sounds of the night. Both of them seemed to realize they were no longer on the path of the corn maze, but neither one seemed to mind.

”Hey ‘Chie?” Eddie mumbled in a soft voice.

“Hm?”

“I- well I’m glad it was just us tonight.” Richie looked over at him, listening intently. Eddie quickly stumbled to add more words. “I mean, it didn’t become a shit talking fest like usual. Don’t get me wrong, I like all that. But it’s nice when we can just talk...too.”

A beat of silence passed. Richie seemed to be considering his words, turning something over in his mind. He finally decided to speak, concluding that Eddie’s courage deserved to be met with his own.

“They weren’t busy.” Richie absentmindedly squeezed Eddie’s hand. “The others. They- some of them would have wanted to come.”

Eddie considered Richie’s words. “Why didn’t they then?”

Richie stopped, pulling Eddie to a stop too. He avoided eye contact but plowed through, heat rising to his face.

“I told them not to.” Eddie became very aware of Richie’s hand in his own, of how close they were standing. He couldn’t tell if it was Richie’s heartbeat or his own he was hearing.

“It’s funny you bring that up, actually. I talked to Stan before we left.”

Richie’s eyes got wide. “Wait, you did? What did he say??”

“Well, I want your opinion on something he said. See, he told me he thought you didn’t want them to go because - because you wanted it to...” Eddie took a breath. “To feel like a d-date.”

“What?? What is he on? Why would he say that??”

“Okay, okay, calm down a sec-“

“Calm down?? Stan is telling ridiculous lies to you about me and you expect me to be calm??”

“Richie. He was just giving his opinion.”

“Well his opinion is wrong, okay!”

“Well fine then! Maybe I was just hoping it wasn’t!” There is a thick silence between them.

Richie blinked at Eddie, gaze softened. “I don’t think you’ll ever know how fucking happy you just made me.”

“So...his opinion about tonight...wasn’t wrong then?”

“Fuck, no.”

Eddie smiled. “Well are you gonna just stand there and stare at me or are you gonna kiss me with that Trashmouth?”

Richie takes in a shaky breath, eyes blown wide. The leaning in felt to Richie like it took five minutes instead five seconds, and the feeling of lips against lips surprised his senses to shock him motionless. It took Eddie to move and feed Richie kisses for Richie to ease into it and do the same. Something reminded Eddie of Richie’s hair and he reached a trembling hand up to run through it, causing Richie to omit a soft moan. It was happening, everything that neither one of them believed possible at all. Yet here they were, lost in each other, surrounded by the scratchy corn stalks and chirping crickets, completely and utterly content.

It took an hour for them to remember they were still in the corn field, and another hour for them to find their way out, but neither one complained. In fact, they actually enjoyed themselves, no longer scared by the characters or props. It was almost laughable that they were ever afraid, not just of the haunted maze, but of each other.