woke up on this raft for the third day now sombody help im in the midle of the ocean

i’d really appreciate it if you people would stop dying right before i can execute my plots & schemes

children should learn The Art of War basically asap aand fix the state of aegean trade routes by obliterating a hittite city

many reports coming in if you die a warriors death you go to a different part of the underworld where you can just wrestle and race chariots for eternity . apparently it also sucks

if your crew wont tie you to your ship’s mast so you might hear the sirens’ fabled but deadly songs you might want to sit them down and ask them why they hate you so much

20 years ago if you wanted to marry the wife of a powerful danaan king you would have to go out and abduct her with the aid of the gods, now everyone just saunters into your palace and thinks they have a chance with her.

thinking of committing a few war crimes under the cover of night, just to see how it goes.

a cool prank is to convince someone to join the Danaan Forces in troy and watch them suffer incredible grief & die terribly in pursuit of honor

My ideas to infiltrate a fortified city??? thought youd never ask. gonna have to go with "Be pathetic in a bush" and "Horse"

apologies from my tardy ass, i was trapped aboard a flimsy raft traveling across the treacherous aegean sea

Returning once more to the treacherous sea. Every body feels bad for the guy who’s been trapped at sea for a decade. I’ll be the king of story tellers. I’ll be the epic hero man. I’ll be immortalized forever

things have only gotten worse since i slighted the gods again

to be honest it's less of me entering the underworld and more of me standing at the precipice of it, but i did meet a lot of cool and tragic spirits over there.

"you have to enter the realm of hades and speak with the theban seer tiresias before you can return home" is a good thing to say if you want to trick a people into entering the realm of hades.

did you notice what i did with my whole look, i broke a leafy branch from a thicket to cover myself and my hair is all fucked from being tossed about at sea for days.

i put years of hard work into crafting devious strategies to allow the danaan troops to finally raze the city of troy & now everyone’s like “oh deception is not an honorable battle strategy”, “war crimes are bad” fuck off

i may have created a foolproof strategy to gain entry to the hallowed heights of troy but that doesnt mean i have a fool proof plan to get out of every obstacle i encounter ever