Holland March was scared.
Out of all his siblings he turned out to be the best one. Even with all his vices, all his problems and flaws he wasnβt the worst out of his family. And that was scary realization. His older brother was shot by his own son; his sister killed her husband right in front of her kid, his younger brother ended up in some weird cult that was obsessed with looking like real living dollhouse. Holland was terrified each time he had to pick up his phone, awaiting yet another terror to strike him. Each new blow was leaving him spiraling off the edge a little more. He couldnβt take it. He was the middle child that had to watch his mother as she was forgetting herself and everyone around her. He had to watch his fatherβs heart break every time mom forgot him. He had to see how his childhood house was turned into nursing home for those who suffer from Alzheimer's. And in the end he had to see his parentsβ funeral alone as his siblings didnβt come. He thought it was because they were out there, building lives much better than his own. He was wrong, so wrongβ¦
Stupidity and cowardice ran in this family. His life was a proof. His father's love story was a proof. That blue notebook haunted him some nights, even if it was stuffed somewhere deep in his closet, along with some meager belongings left from Noah and Allie Calhouns. So naturally Holland was expecting his life to be the foolish one. He didnβt expect it to be the best one among his siblings. He never expected that adulthood would change them all so much, morphing them into something none of them expected. Holland still thought about what he will tell his father in afterlife, if he would have the chance. He couldnβt control his brothers but he could at least help his sister. But March never knew that something was wrong until it was too late, until little Casey was lost to the foster system, until Holland lost his wife. Then Hollandβs life turned into hell he didnβt know how to crawl out.
Then suddenly there were kids. Holly, Ryland and Colt. All glaring at him like little wolves, too careful and sharp-tongued than they should be. Holly was a little older than twins were, but as March was looking at these boysβ¦ He saw something that was making his hair stand on end. That werenβt just kids, those were little scared beasts that didnβt trust him, nor wanted to listen to him. They were wild and Holland felt like they were like two dogs that were let off a very short leash for the first time in their lives. Holland didnβt want to know what his brother did to these kids if they were acting like thisβ¦ Kids should be loud, they should be everywhere, asking billions questions and throwing accusations like confetti like Holly did. The twins, however, weren't even speaking if not addressed. Holland was terrified. He did not know what to do.
But things got worth after Courtβs trial. Holland barely had time to breathe between all those questionings from the police officers, the need to watch over twins, arguing with CPS and his mourning. All of that fell on him at the same time when he was least prepared for it, let alone deal with all of this at once. So he missed the moment when Courtβs defense attorney stopped giving shit and just allowed the kid get the worst possible verdict. It was a brutal blow for Holland. And a heartbreak for the twins that had to watch how their brother was lead out of courtroom with almost a life sentence. March tried to protest, tried to convince Court that he needed an appeal, needed a new trial with a new attorney that would care. The kid just refused to do anything. Holland was ready to howl from the sheer injustice of it all and his helplessness in the situation.
Visiting the prison didn't really help. Court was refusing them immediately if twins were with Holland and only rarely agreed to talk with March if he was alone. He tried to talk some sense into Court, tried to offer all sorts of deals only to face the stern βnoβ. The last time they saw each other they almost screamed at one another, as Hollandβs nerves were giving up. So when Court left with a loud bang of a telephone receiver Holland knew he fucked up. He shouldβve been softer and more patient, shouldβve told Court that he was just a kid and no kid should make a choice between their father and brothers. He shouldβve done more. But like a coward he was March did nothing, watching like Court left without a glance silently.
So when he received official documents and Court was declared deadβ¦ Holland got so drunk that a whole week went black, with no memory or sign that he was actually doing anything besides drinking. It was ugly and embarrassing part of his live, one of many of those. Yet one that hurt the most when he was looking at twins, knowing that he robbed them of their older brother. They went feral after that: they skipped classes, ran from home for days, fought with March at every chance and actively were trying to pull Holly with them. The only mercy Holland received was the fact that somehow Holly stayed out of troubles. Yes, she was on twinsβ side more than once, but she wasnβt supporting their reckless antics, sometimes managing to calm them down. Mostly because of Ryland, that was getting close with her. However, those times were rare. For the most part Ryland and Colt were on their own wave, preferring to ignore Holland and his poor attempts to raise them.
Jackson Healy was a change. Sharp, fast and painful for one of Holland's hands. It was a meeting he never expected, never waited, yet he couldn't imagine his live without it afterwards. In a way, it was a firm kick under his butt to start doing something. The whole mess with Misty Mountains and Amelia Kuttner was more than refreshing and sobering. Holland just had to pull his shit together or he risked losing his kids and so little that was left of his family. Somewhere along those events he got the chance to talk with the twins, apologizing that he wasnβt there when they needed him. It was a long and painful conversation that revealed so much shit that March was feeling even guiltier before Court, Ryland and Colt. However, they managed to find some meager common ground that allowed them exist in the same house without everyday scandals.
And thatβs how twins started bonding with Marchβs family. Colt and Healy immediately got like a house on fire, while Holland suddenly found himself in Rylandβs company. The twins were still cautious, keeping most things to themselves, but Colt started smiling more and Ryland could rant about science classes for hours. Holly wasnβt falling behind, rapidly pulling the twins around her finger. She was the only girl in the house and she knew it, using it to her advantage all the time. Sometimes Holland had to spend hours to figure out who broke something in the house, only to end up with the kids that were arguing for weeks who was the real culprit. Not to mention that Healy was slowly pulling boys out of their shells.
And for the first time in a last few years Holland felt like he was living in a normal house. Where the kids were kids and adults were adults. He did his best to support Rylandβs passion for science that knew no limits; he tried to support Coltβs career choice even if it gave him anxiety attack each time, he helped Holly through her own cases as she inevitably became part of his and Healyβs job. It all felt so good, that he was slowly forgetting something.
Right until Colt was first announced as murderer and then as dead.
Right until Hail Mary launch.
Right until he was reminded that stupidity and cowardice ran in this family.
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