RAcoon Likes Sleep

I think my previous post gave some people too much angst sooooo.... I'm restoring my reputation as a clown

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Claire: fluorine, uranium, carbon, kalium! Colt: ??? Court: what? Ryland: offended inhale Claire Miranda Fitzroy! That is not the language we use! Colt and Court: ???????

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Ryland at college: Oh, weed? Cool, gimme! Some pills? Two more, please! Some weird stuff the guys in the corner were sniffing? Sign me in! years later Ryland at school as a teacher: I took two ibuprofen and now I can hear Petrova line…

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Jody: COLT MARTINEZ SEAVERS!!! Colt: okay Google, how to leave country in two seconds or less… Jody: SEAVERS!!! If you won't bring your ass here right this instance I will personally make sure you'll never leave the house! And there will be no more stunts for you!!! Colt: pure panic

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Claire: Why are you lying on the floor? Court, who slipped on a little puddle of water that he was trying to wipe off: I was poisoned…

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Simon: So… nice to meet you. I guess… Jody: looks him up and down Couldn't you find something better? Colt and Ryland: Jody! Jody: Seriously, what did you find in him? He's a trash panda that can't keep his sleep schedule and constantly forgets about safety measures… Colt: … Ryland: … Simon: … Simon: You're officially my best friend now. Can we compare tactics for keeping these idiots alive? Jody: With pleasure!

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Claire: states at Colt Colt: What??? What do you want??? Claire: … Claire: I'll give you this red rock if you will tell Court that I didn't fail math test. Colt: … Colt: Add a blue one and we have a deal.

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Ryland: So, how's the meeting went? Rocky: Good good good. Nothing interesting. Adrian: Rocky call mayor waste of minerals and left meeting early, statement! Rocky: Mayor deserve, statement! Mayor rude rude rude, statement! Ryland: flashbacks of Denmark Oh…

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3 am Colt: half asleep walks into the kitchen for water Colt: freezes Ryland: sits on the table with his papers and pens all over the place Colt: D-did you-… Ryland: I made a coffee out of energy drink… Colt: … Ryland: I CaN hEaR cOlOrS aNd SeE sOuNdS oF aStRoPhAgES! Colt: COURT!!!

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Court: Whatcha doin' here, kiddo? Claire: I'm trying to figure out *<insert something really scientific and really hard for pronunciation>* for my fanfic. I want to add some drama. Court, who understood only preposition: Ah. I see…

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Adrian: I'm a polite eridian, but thanks all forces above no one can read minds!

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Colt: during gunfire Why do you have so many enemies?!?! Court: clicking his gun I'm very sociable and I'm a soul of the company. Colt: Then why are they trying to kill us?!?! Court: I never said the company was nice.

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Holland March was scared. Out of all his siblings he turned out to be the best one. Even with all his vices, all his problems and flaws he wasn’t the worst out of his family. And that was scary realization. His older brother was shot by his own son; his sister killed her husband right in front of her kid, his younger brother ended up in some weird cult that was obsessed with looking like real living dollhouse. Holland was terrified each time he had to pick up his phone, awaiting yet another terror to strike him. Each new blow was leaving him spiraling off the edge a little more. He couldn’t take it. He was the middle child that had to watch his mother as she was forgetting herself and everyone around her. He had to watch his father’s heart break every time mom forgot him. He had to see how his childhood house was turned into nursing home for those who suffer from Alzheimer's. And in the end he had to see his parents’ funeral alone as his siblings didn’t come. He thought it was because they were out there, building lives much better than his own. He was wrong, so wrong…

Stupidity and cowardice ran in this family. His life was a proof. His father's love story was a proof. That blue notebook haunted him some nights, even if it was stuffed somewhere deep in his closet, along with some meager belongings left from Noah and Allie Calhouns. So naturally Holland was expecting his life to be the foolish one. He didn’t expect it to be the best one among his siblings. He never expected that adulthood would change them all so much, morphing them into something none of them expected. Holland still thought about what he will tell his father in afterlife, if he would have the chance. He couldn’t control his brothers but he could at least help his sister. But March never knew that something was wrong until it was too late, until little Casey was lost to the foster system, until Holland lost his wife. Then Holland’s life turned into hell he didn’t know how to crawl out.

Then suddenly there were kids. Holly, Ryland and Colt. All glaring at him like little wolves, too careful and sharp-tongued than they should be. Holly was a little older than twins were, but as March was looking at these boys… He saw something that was making his hair stand on end. That weren’t just kids, those were little scared beasts that didn’t trust him, nor wanted to listen to him. They were wild and Holland felt like they were like two dogs that were let off a very short leash for the first time in their lives. Holland didn’t want to know what his brother did to these kids if they were acting like this… Kids should be loud, they should be everywhere, asking billions questions and throwing accusations like confetti like Holly did. The twins, however, weren't even speaking if not addressed. Holland was terrified. He did not know what to do.

But things got worth after Court’s trial. Holland barely had time to breathe between all those questionings from the police officers, the need to watch over twins, arguing with CPS and his mourning. All of that fell on him at the same time when he was least prepared for it, let alone deal with all of this at once. So he missed the moment when Court’s defense attorney stopped giving shit and just allowed the kid get the worst possible verdict. It was a brutal blow for Holland. And a heartbreak for the twins that had to watch how their brother was lead out of courtroom with almost a life sentence. March tried to protest, tried to convince Court that he needed an appeal, needed a new trial with a new attorney that would care. The kid just refused to do anything. Holland was ready to howl from the sheer injustice of it all and his helplessness in the situation.

Visiting the prison didn't really help. Court was refusing them immediately if twins were with Holland and only rarely agreed to talk with March if he was alone. He tried to talk some sense into Court, tried to offer all sorts of deals only to face the stern “no”. The last time they saw each other they almost screamed at one another, as Holland’s nerves were giving up. So when Court left with a loud bang of a telephone receiver Holland knew he fucked up. He should’ve been softer and more patient, should’ve told Court that he was just a kid and no kid should make a choice between their father and brothers. He should’ve done more. But like a coward he was March did nothing, watching like Court left without a glance silently.

So when he received official documents and Court was declared dead… Holland got so drunk that a whole week went black, with no memory or sign that he was actually doing anything besides drinking. It was ugly and embarrassing part of his live, one of many of those. Yet one that hurt the most when he was looking at twins, knowing that he robbed them of their older brother. They went feral after that: they skipped classes, ran from home for days, fought with March at every chance and actively were trying to pull Holly with them. The only mercy Holland received was the fact that somehow Holly stayed out of troubles. Yes, she was on twins’ side more than once, but she wasn’t supporting their reckless antics, sometimes managing to calm them down. Mostly because of Ryland, that was getting close with her. However, those times were rare. For the most part Ryland and Colt were on their own wave, preferring to ignore Holland and his poor attempts to raise them.

Jackson Healy was a change. Sharp, fast and painful for one of Holland's hands. It was a meeting he never expected, never waited, yet he couldn't imagine his live without it afterwards. In a way, it was a firm kick under his butt to start doing something. The whole mess with Misty Mountains and Amelia Kuttner was more than refreshing and sobering. Holland just had to pull his shit together or he risked losing his kids and so little that was left of his family. Somewhere along those events he got the chance to talk with the twins, apologizing that he wasn’t there when they needed him. It was a long and painful conversation that revealed so much shit that March was feeling even guiltier before Court, Ryland and Colt. However, they managed to find some meager common ground that allowed them exist in the same house without everyday scandals.

And that’s how twins started bonding with March’s family. Colt and Healy immediately got like a house on fire, while Holland suddenly found himself in Ryland’s company. The twins were still cautious, keeping most things to themselves, but Colt started smiling more and Ryland could rant about science classes for hours. Holly wasn’t falling behind, rapidly pulling the twins around her finger. She was the only girl in the house and she knew it, using it to her advantage all the time. Sometimes Holland had to spend hours to figure out who broke something in the house, only to end up with the kids that were arguing for weeks who was the real culprit. Not to mention that Healy was slowly pulling boys out of their shells.

And for the first time in a last few years Holland felt like he was living in a normal house. Where the kids were kids and adults were adults. He did his best to support Ryland’s passion for science that knew no limits; he tried to support Colt’s career choice even if it gave him anxiety attack each time, he helped Holly through her own cases as she inevitably became part of his and Healy’s job. It all felt so good, that he was slowly forgetting something.

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Robert, during z-team's mission as he works as Mecha Man:

I just hope to lift someone's mood

Colt: Okay, on a scale from one to fuck how deep we are? Ryland: I'd say somewhere around b-word… Simon: I think around shit… loud crash somewhere in the house Court: WHO THE FUCK PLACED A WATER BUCKET OVER DRIVER'S ROOM?!?! Colt: we're cooked.

***

long phone ringtone Ryland: irritated and sleep depraved What?! Colt: I ate Jody's last pancakes… Ryland: Rest in peace! hands up the call another long phone ringtone Ryland: WHAT?! Colt: Is it all you have to say? Ryland: Listen, if you wanted to die then this is between you, God and an angry hungry woman you decided to betray! Colt: … Colt: That sweet shop near you is still open, right?

***

Ryland: Okay, I'm an adult, I can do it! Pebble: Teacher, look! I made this for you! later Ryland: in tears … And then they gifted me this cute little drawing! Simon: stares at a terrifyingly good drawing that is closer to X-ray shot… Sure… They… uh… they really conveyed your… teeth… well… Ryland: happier than ever Right? They're so talented! Simon: inner panic

***

Court: just finished explaining the family tree So yeah, we have a lot of things in common and we should try to be closer. Driver: horrified out of his mind Why are we all looking like him? Court: looks at the photo of Noah Calhoun Court: I have no fucking idea. Sometimes I think the universe had a glitch and used Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V way too many times. Simon: You'll get used to it. Driver: confused Will I? Simon: who's not used to it and it still freaks him out yEaH!

***

Driver: sits on the side of the street, watching the road without blinking or movement Holly: sits nearby with her head in her hands Claire: Why can I hear Minecraft damage noises from these two? Colt: wheezes A WHAT?! Ryland: Holland and Court took Driver's car for an emergency ride… Claire: Oh no… poor guy… and why is Holly with him? Ryland: She tried to cheer him up. But he just started listing prices for new car parts and well… Holly and Driver: united sob of grief

***

Ryland: What kind of tree can fit into your hand? Simon: confused A small one? Ryland: A Palm tree! Get it? Simon: horrified there's a tree that can grow from your palm?! Ryland: Wait, what?

***

Court: These bushes must be forged. Their berries are poisonous. Colt: Oh. Court: Go throw up. Colt: I didn't do anything! Court: GO THROW UP!

***

He knew that he had a few relatives from his mother's side, but he never saw them. He knew he had a few uncles and cousins, but he didn't see them. Never met, never even saw photos. He just knew there were some people he shared blood with, but after everything that happened… he wasn't sure he'd ever meet them.

Until one day, he returned to his garage and met a man there. He was twice his age, shared almost terrifyingly similar face with Casey and behaved like a ghost. Bells in Driver's head rang almost immediately as he saw that man in the dark corner of the room, right next to Casey's instruments. It wasn't hard to find him, after all, Casey didn't even bother with renting an apartment, only this garage that was both his working place and his home. Why would he need something more than that? He can sleep in a back seat of his car.

Yet that guy appeared from nowhere. He wasn't anything that Casey met before. He was still, cold and firm with his words, introducing himself as Six. Said that Casey angered wrong people, said that he can help for a favor and due to the fact that they are relatives. Driver stared at the man, trying to figure out if this was some sick joke or he was simply losing his mind. Six was way too still, no emotion was let out, nothing but strict and short words were said. He talked only about business, showing that he knew about Casey more that Casey knew about him. Driver felt threatened. And therefore, angry.

The fight never happened, though. Six simply walked away, leaving behind only a small note with a phone number and three days timer. Driver felt baffled and couldn't wrap his head around what happened in a mere 15 minutes. However, he thought about suggestion, tried to make some digging, worked hard while his thoughts were running in his head in circles. He found nothing. Casey made phone calls that only left him more confused and lost than before. Asking questions from people he knew was even worse, because those who knew something immediately dropped the call as soon as he said "six".

In the end, he called and agreed to whatever Six was offering. It felt like walking straight into the trap, yet somehow he felt calm about it. He had nothing to lose. Why not to try this weird opportunity? After all, Six said he was his relative, family in a sense. Driver felt curious and that was rare for him.

But he didn't expect this family to be THIS weird!

Uncle Holland March smoked every second, constantly saying weird and confusing nonsense. His detective partner Jackson Healy looked at Driver as if he personally offended him, yet Casey could swear on his car he never saw the guy before. Holly, March's daughter a bit older than Casey himself, immediately swooped Driver as soon as he pulled in near the house and started chatting without a single break for breath. Driver couldn’t even say a word, as he was too shocked and confused.

Six met him in the living room, nodded slightly and then continued playing Mario Kart with his kid Claire as if nothing happened. Like he wasn't the most intimidating person just a second ago. Moreover, seemingly the guy had normal name too, which wasn't supposed to be a surprise since Casey went by Driver whenever he went, yet he still had a normal name. But in this house everyone called Six Court as if it wasn't a big deal. Driver shivered from the mere idea to share his real name to this people. He didn't know them. He didn’t trust them.

Colt Seavers and his girlfriend Jody Moreno were okay strictly until the moment they learned that Driver was good with cars and did stunts from time to time. Casey swore he saw some devilish lights in their eyes, when Holly pulled out those words out of him with her big puppy eyes. So as soon as introduction was over Casey tried to leave and retreat to his car.

Only to bump straight into Ryland Grace and his… Alien?!

Driver almost let out his last breath. He felt like he ended up in some fever dream that wasn't planning to end. Because there was no way this stone spider was a real thing. Not a chance. He wasn’t buying it. It must've been some weird toy or robot.

So yeah, first day was a nightmare. Driver almost left it right after he got a chance to lock himself in his car. It sounded so good, so appealing; just leave it all behind, pretend he never saw any of that and just deal with his problems on his own. He dealt with worth than just a few pissed gang members.

But when he wanted to start the engine, a soft knock on the window stopped him. Sudden and seemingly out of nowhere.

Six looked at him with calm expression, dressed in the most homelike way possible, without any weapon or threatening pose. As if he knew how Driver felt, as if he was perfectly aware how crazy this whole place was. As if he wasn’t planning to keep Driver here against his will…

"You can leave whenever you want. But this is family. If you ever need something, just give any of us a call." And with that he went back home.

Casey sat in his car for the whole night, thinking, panicking, losing his mind and trying to find at least one good reason to stay in this mad house.

When he entered the house in the morning, tentatively and almost fearfully, his own portion of breakfast, coffee and knowing looks greeted him.

Colt would most definitely freak out and scream. I just imagine some high-pitched yell, something like i-saw-a-huge-spider-and-then-blinked-and-it-disappeared. Or just Gosling's loud squeak. It would be hilarious, because Rocky would think that Grace's clone is trying to speak eridian but to him it would sound like pebble's babbling. But maybe after first impression and after some time to accept this new reality, I imagine Colt would just bluntly ask "Why the hell is he in a hamster ball?" and no amount of explaining or serious talk would stop him from calling Rocky's ball just that. His reasons? "Rocky is small, brown and in a ball. So he's a hamster in a hamster ball". And, I imagine that to Rocky the twins aren't that alike. Maybe they're not the same to him at all. His echolocation probably would see all the differences in their insides, so… yeah, Colt would freak out once more. Ryland probably would be chill about it, since he lived among eridians for some time. + I guess Colt would be upset that a trick with changing places won't work. And the moment Rocky starts wearing his better suit from the end of the film? Nope, that’s the end for Colt, he's out of here, halfway towards heaven. (He probably has arachnophobia at some point, because it's just too weird for him.)

Court would just stare at Rocky for a whole minute with minimum blinking. He's a man of shady business and human interactions. He's a grey man, he's a solder of sorts. An alien? An actual living being from space? It's probably out of his league so much that he would just freeze. All while Ryland would panic that he broke his brother's mind. But with Court's learned ability to accept all sorts of information, he would accept Rocky's existence like a fact, without trying to understand more than was necessary. After all, existential crisis can come in all forms and shapes, even as a rock-spider that took care of his little brother. Court would definitely look through all logs and videos where Rocky and Ryland interact just to get a better understanding on Rocky's personality and intentions towards Ryland. A simple background check, except it's an actually alien he can't understand most of the time. That would give Court migraine and anxiety, but only for a short period of time. After all, not every being would create a WHOLE ECOSYSTEM just so your alien friend can live without too much problem. (He still would question what Rocky wants from his brother, until the moment he would see Rocky treat Ryland like a toddler outside of laboratory. That would check it out.) + I guess Court could learn a few eridian phrases just in case of emergencies. That would make Rocky's day because Court is much better at catching up different tones and sounds. And he has a quicker learning pace, much to Ryland’s displeasure.

Jody, unlike her boyfriend, would accept Rocky with interest and surprise. As Colt's girlfriend I think she could be a reason why Colt would stop freaking out around Rocky so much. Moreover, I think she would be really interested in eridians' tradition to carve out important memories or parts of their lives on their bodies. Probably she would ask many questions about eridians' communities and social works and traditions, because world building. I mean, she's from film industry, this kind of people, if interested, would learn all they can about the topic. + I imagine her starting to take notes of Rocky's stories just to create another hit. And I imagine Grace geting slightly sick of being a translator for Rocky during their meetings so he simply would leave a laptop with all words en eridian. Jody would learn basic ones in a matter of seconds, even breaking Court’s record (to everyone’s terror).

Claire would probably be more curious about Erid than Rocky. I mean, almost everyone had a phase when they were fascinated by some topic (dinosaurs, ancient Egypt or Greece, or something else), it's just happened that Claire's huge interest was cosmos. But I guess she also would be having troubles with understanding that Rocky is actually a grown up man with wife and probably kids, idk. (It happened to my friend before he watched the movie, lol) And I guess Claire is going to be the youngest among humans Rocky would meet, so I guess he would get protective of her. After all, eridians live longer than humans do and Claire is practically a newborn to Rocky.

Colt: gives his niece a playful noogie Rocky: DON'T TOUCH THE BABY! Court: She's sixteen… Rocky: protective eridians' noises

Yes, i watched the movie. No, i couldn't walk past it. Yes, i fell for Coltland twins propoganda and all the stuff with Gosling verse. No, i don't have siblings, so i don't know how they interact. Yes, i want them together as a family but without angst. I'm tired of crying... So, here we are!

Grace in his yearbook:

Court, the moment he learns what happend to his brothers:

Or this:

Grace at any moment of his life:

Any fight at Goslingverce be like:

Court's routine/the stuff he sends to the family chat:

Ryland and Colt the moment Court is home:

Grace and his students on the fieldtrip:

Snow White whenever Bigby is about to do something stupid/reckless/dangerous:

Bigby, looking at himself at any Christmas/New Year:

Colin if Bigby didn't share drinks and Cigarettes:

Someone: *Looks at Snow White wrongly*

Bigby:

Lily, when there's fight at her funeral:

Bigby, when there's modern technology:

Robert Robertson the third (still think his name is hilarious, in a good way)

Absolutely hates it.

First time he used one was during the emergency and didn't pay attention to it that much.

The second time he walked through the portal in peaceful environment, it gave him migraine and motion sickness.

He started to avoid the portals ever since, except during situations when going through portal is necessary.

Sometimes has anxiety attacks about being a mere clone of himself, due to quantum physics theories and all science stuff, but quickly reminds himself that it's magic and it doesn't work like that.

But he likes the color of portals and vibes Malevola brings with them.

Courtney, Invisigal

Since that fight in 3 episode I think Courtney would try to avoid Malevola's portals.

But not for long. As soon as the two befriend the whole SDN won't be able to hide from their pranks.

Food gone from refrigerator? Beef suddenly appeared on your table? Important files on the highest shelf? These two did it, that's for sure. (Rober would have to watch his back carefully, since he would become a favorite prank victim.)

But in serious situation, Invisigal and Malevola would be unstoppable. Save a hostage? Stop a robbery? Or to neutralize some wild beast? There's nothing better than an invisible heroin that can teleport with her demonic friend!

Victor, Sonar

He got used to being carried around through the portals so now he is absolutely spoiled.

If he needs to be somewhere he begs Malevola to bring him there.

Thinks that saves him a lot of time to do some other things.

In the end, he spends all the time he saved to watch TikTok.

Actually loves being able to travel with Malevola, since they're friends. He sees it as a bonding activity.

Has absolutely no drawbacks from traveling this way, so he laughs at Robert each time he cringes at the offer to "take a shorter cut".

Janelle, Coupé

Doesn't really care for portals, since rarely uses it.

She can, however, jump through one if she knows where's the other end of it.

Might use it to appear over criminals' base to collect data and disappear before they would notice.

She likes the opportunities Malevola's powers can provide, but not sure how to use them during their work together.

With time they might learn to knock out villains without actually exposing themselves to the fight. Coupé could just throw knifes into enemy's knees through portals, before they quickly close.

Phenomaman

He's curious about Malevola's powers, but he's too shy to ask her about it at the beginning.

With time he might get over it and start asking about portals, some questions might be surprisingly naive.

But since he's a good hero with higher amount of experience, he probably could figure out some new tricks for Malevola, which would be a shock for her, since she thought she figured her powers long ago.

Plus he likes Malevola's sword, which reminds him of his home planet.

Herman, Waterboy

He's too shy to make an actual conversation with Malevola, stuttering all the time and making the whole thing awkward. Even with Malevola's easy-going nature.

Might get lost after jumping through the portal. So he needs time to understand where he is, before doing something.

If someone else is behind him, in nine cases out of ten that would cause the problem.

But after Robert would address the problem, the two would figure out some signs and markers for Herman to learn how to do the whole teleportation thing. That turns out to be the best course of action, since the two quickly find the rhythm that works flawlessly.

He's still too shy to actually talk with Malevola, even if he thinks she's cool.

Chad, Flambae

This guy loves dramatic entrances, so he would abuse every opportunity to make one.

So whenever he has to use portal, he's trying to make it cool and heroic, even if he's in the middle of the battle.

Surprisingly has a good sense of how the whole thing works, so he's the one to take the first leap, that way he can immediately do his task on the field.

May or may not asked Malevola to use her power to help him and his niece to get to some concerts or shows if they were short on time.

He's not jealous his niece likes Malevola. Nope.

Alice, Prism

Due to her power, she can make a clone of Malevola, which leads to more portals.

That, however, leads to all sorts of funny situations during fights.

Favorite move: open a huge number of portals, forcing the villain to stumble through all of them, loosing sense of direction and understanding where they are.

Prism honestly loves Malevola's style and has a nights out with her and Flambae. The three can often be found in beauty shops, arguing over which brand is better.

During one of those arguments Flambae was pushed into the portal and he ended up in North Carolina.

Colm, Punch Up

Colm was so done with jokes about his height that he asked Malevola to open portal over his head so he could at least somehow look to his friends down from his new position.

After that figured a funny strategy for missions, that included portals and scaring villains by pretending being gigantic.

The idea solved so many cases without any fight, that it became a local gig for a long time.

(Robert was surprised with their strategy, but it worked so… he simply let it be.)

Bruno, Golem

Since Malevola could change the size of her portals she became Bruno's friend by definition.

She helps him to enter all sorts of rooms and buildings during work hours, so Golem started bringing her clay figures. Starting with animals and ending with a few funny sculptures of Sonar and Malevola's sword.

Golem is actually pretty social and since Malevola started opening portals for him to join, he became closer to the team.