Niharika

My little sister (AN: Subhadre this is you!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair and opened her deep-brown eyes. She put on her pink ghaghra choli, green uttariya and beautiful gold jewellery. We put on our makeup (black kajal, white tilak and red alta on our hands and feet)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Arjun of the Pandavas yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Arjun?" she asked as we went out of our quarters that overlooked the sea and into the grand courtyard.

"No, I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah, right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Arjun walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtatiously.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, the Gandharvas are having a concert in Indraprastha" he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love the Gandharvas. They are my favorite musicians, besides myself, of course. "Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

My horsemen of the apocalypse! I will add the original commentary and some extras, less about the symbolism and more about what brought me to design them the way I did.

The symbolism is for you to chose, there is no wrong answer.

WAR

I can't bring myself to represent war with a cool knight. It's horror. War is a bound child crowned with shrapnel, tied to a wounded horse that is being pulled forward by unseen people.

I've read a handful of books regarding war. A lost quote said that it should be shown as horror, it should make generals vomit, it should make you sick. I haven't seen war but my family has.

It was the first horseman I've designed, and it was in my sketchbook for months (maybe over a year, maybe even more) before I had the courage to draw it. I was really scared about how people would react to a mutilated child.

Recommended reading: The Red Crown - Mikhail Bulgakov, a short story about a man coping with the loss of his brother in the war

FAMINE

Someone who lived thro a famine shared that their head was only occupied with thoughts of food. Famine consumes your mind. All animals were eaten. Neighbors gave their pets away cuz they couldn't do it themselves. People walked around town as if in a dazed dream, slowly

Recommended reading: The Last Witnesses - Svetlana Alexievitch, a collection of testimonials of people who were children when WW2 began. Some quotes below;

'''A cat! A cat!' Other children saw it and started chasing it. The educators were local habitants, looked at us as if we were insane. In Leningrad there were no living cats left...A living cat was a dream. Food for one month...We talked about it, but they didn't believe us.''

''During the first year of evacuation, we didn't notice nature, everything that was nature provoked in us only one desire - taste to see if it's edible. Only a year later I noticed the beauty of the Urals''

''I dreamt of catching a sparrow and eating it...''

''A candle burns and the shopgirl cuts the bread pieces. People follow her with their gaze. Her every movement...with burning eyes...crazed...and all that in silence.''

''People walked slowly through the city like shadows. Like in a dream...a deep dream...As in, you see it, but you think you're seeing a dream. Those sluggish movements...floating...As if a person walked on water and not on land.''

''In Leningrad there are a lot of monuments, but one is missing that should exist. They forgot about it. The monument to the dogs of the seige. Dear doggy, forgive me...''

I don't like talking about it. It made no sense to draw Famine with a horse.

PESTILENCE

Based on the notes of a doctor who said the most frightening thing about viral disease was how it didn’t frighten. People didn’t know or didn't care. They lived and spread until it was too late and they became another name on the record

The clothing being made out of shredding plastic is no coincidence; pollution is a form of pestilence too

Recommended reading: Notes from a Countryside Doctor - Mikhail Bulgakov. Roughly translated quote below;

''Ah, I verified that here syphilis was frightening precisely because it did not frighten. That was why I evoked that woman.* I remembered her with a kind of affectionate respect: because she had been afraid. But she was the only one!''

*Early in the chapter, doctor mentions a woman that appeared in the clinic with a letter from her soldier husband, where he wrote that he had syphilis and told her she should go to the doctor too.

DEATH

Recommended reading: Voices of Chernobyl - Svetlana Alexievitch. The Death of Ivan Ilitch - Lev Tolstoi

“Death is the fairest thing in the world. No one's ever gotten out of it. The earth takes everyone - the kind, the cruel, the sinners. Aside from that, there's no fairness on earth.”

Death is the only horseman that doesn’t need to mount their horse; they will reach everyone eventually. Who is the saddle for then? Open ended question because this one you have to figure out personally

Many people pointed out how the horse is a Clydesdale. Good eyes! I purposefully asked a friend to guide me towards what type of horses are the sturdiest and most-friendly looking. I drew the horse grazing. It's not injured, it doesn't gallop. It's grazing peacefully because life moves on.

This is the only design that had a painting serve as a base - The Reaper, by Alexey Venetsianov. Not much or nothing at all is written about, I saw it in a book. It is a literal reaper but it haunted me, as if it's portraying more than a person.

The choice to make it a woman was due to a book about a crematory (Smoke Gets in Your Eyes - Caitlin Doughty) that connected women to death because everyone born is bound to die.

Ahhh, I don't want to give it all away. It's fun to figure things out. About them all. From the enviroment, to the movement, to the horses themselves. Many people even mentioned details that I did not notice and didn't add purposefully that were so inspired and amazing. I truly mean that the interpretations of the public enrich the works even more than my own words. And it's an honor to share that work with everyone.

so, we all suffered through ao3’s recent downtime:

so i got curious, because i was bookmarking things when the site went down and wouldn’t it be funny if i was the one who broke it lmao (😔no it wasn’t me but i helped)

https://archiveofourown.org/bookmarks/2147483647 is this

*looks at notes, clears throat, begins again*

“not all men” you’re damn right, Rama would never —

*glances down again, coughs politely*

“not all men” you’re damn right, Karna would never —

*Draupadi barges on stage and snatches the mic away*

Now they're launching straight up harassment campaigns at people. What a virtuous and dharmic bunch.

I Am Not Your Asian American Doll: a comic for AAPI Heritage Month 2023

I usually spend a lot of time editing and fine-tuning my comics so that they come across as polite and inoffensive. But honestly, I’m really tired of the way Asian cultures and countries are treated / talked about while Asian people themselves are excluded, and thought it was about time I really let my rage out lol.

LOWKEY PEOPLE PORTRAY ARJUN AS DEPRESSED AND SUICIDAL AND TAG IT AS HUMOR!

I don't know how did everyone arrive to this conclusion that Arjun suffers from depression, questioning self-worth and lowkey suicidal. 

Tell me honestly, did you ever think this man, who bows down in front of Krishna during Geeta gyaan with a charismatic presence, ever to be suicidal?!

No right?

Basically that was our childhood, and as we grew up, we stopped reading and BELIEVING the texts :)

Either we go with the flow of what others say, or just skim through the texts without understanding anything, or just cherry pick verses that suite their narratives. 

Well, that has resulted into a characterization of Arjun who is like, suffering from mental health problems and so on-

If someone has read the entire Mahabharat, he knows that Arjun is not the way he is thought to be; specially HE IS NOT DEPRESSED OR SUICIDAL anywhere! 

Arjun was anything but pretentious of his FEELINGS and it is clearly visible once you read the texts carefully! 

I don't know why you guys tend to confuse moral retainment with depression, O God!

Just because Arjun analyzed before reacting, or took time to analyze what would've happened, you tend to call him depressed, like really?

In fact, he was the one who was the most stable Pandav after the Dyut incident! He is the one who consoles Bheem and Yudhishthir mostly! Tell me, if a person is suicidal, can he do that? NEVER!

Now some intellectuals will come and bark how Arjun used to hide his depression and pretend he was okay....

*laughs like a hyena* Guys, if Arjun had 'pretended' to be okay, then you wouldn't have that huge Geeta gyaan popping up in Mahabharat where Arjun literally pours himself out like a tsunami in front of Krishna. And this man 'pretended' to be okay....*smh*.

And if Arjun was genuinely depressed, he wouldn't have been able to shoot such intellectual questions to Krishna during Geeta, nor absorb it with his full potential! Removing doubts from mind is not same as DEPRESSION guys! 

This guy does penance for years, handles Bheem during Dyut rightfully, is the one who instilled faith among his brothers after Dyut, does penance again for five years, stays in HEAVEN and kills Nivatakavachas, stays one year as Brihannala and fights Kauravas single-handedly, mind it and also steals clothes for Uttaraa---and the audacity to label such a lively guy as DEPRESSED.

This guy has a friend circle dude, friend circle! He relaxes, sipping a bit of wine and gossips with Krishna casually and laughing! 

You call this guy depressed?

He ventures out in picnics the most! Takes his wives, also accompanies Krishna for his marriages, and you call this guy depressed? 

DO you guys even know what DEPRESSION is?

 Ki kahi bhi aise hi use kiye jaarhe ho bas 'cool' banne keliye?

Show me one stance where Arjun suffers from acute depression like you guys portray him?

Ab banda apne family members ke marne ke baad roye bhi nahi? Wo bhi isliye ro rha kyuki wo DEPRESSION me hai?

Thora dimaag lagaya karo yaar! Har cheez depression nahi hota!

If someone gets hurt and starts crying, imagine a five year old child crying after falling down, he is depressed?

Peeps literally pick up a few stances from the war part of Mahabharat where Arjun is crying over Bheeshm, Abhimanyu etc, and show him to be DEPRESSED, SUICIDAL and what not!

So what is he supposed to do, laugh? Celebrate, o wow my family members are getting killed? Behen ke pakoro, wo AISA karta na, tab hota wo actual me DEPRESSED!

HE REACTS LIKE HOW A HUMAN IS SUPPOSED TO REACT GUYS!

You think one can perform years of penance after being depressed? Really? Do you guys know how much mental power is required to do penances, get such powerful astras, our boi even fought with Mahadev guys! HE LITERALLY SPENDS TIME IN HEAVEN! Do you think Indra is going to allow someone who is mentally depressed and suicidal in his abode? Is he then qualified enough to go to the heavens and simultaneously learn weapons, dancing and singing?

THE MENTAL POWER REQUIRED TO DO SO, CAN YOU GUYS IMAGINE?!

And you tend to call this guy SUICIDAL.....*rubs my temple* 

Sach sach batao, aur koi mila nahi tha kya? 🤣🤣🤣🤣Seriously guys, Arjun ko depressed? 

Ek minute ke liye mai Yudhishthir ka maan lu ki self guilt and all, lekin tumlog Arjun ko hi.... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Behen, Bhagwan Nar jis din depression me ajaega na, usdin tumhari aur humari existence bhi khatam hojani hai usidin.😂😂😂😂

To ye TV serial aur Fictions se Arjun ka character analysis karna bandh karo, aur thora BORI padhlo 😂.

Aur please, Google se Depression aur Suicidal hone ka meaning bhi check karlena....ya ye bhi mujhe hi batana padega?

Regardless of the fact of how you perceive Arjun, you are an uneducated, uninformed, ignorant ass idiot who is regurgitating toxic mindsets about mental health, depression and suicidal tendencies. You act as if people who are depressed or anyone who has ever struggled with their mental health are incapable of doing anything or functioning at all.

You clearly hold very harmful ideas and stereotypes about mental health struggles near and dear to your heart, but none of those are true.

What do you mean by Indra would not have let anyone with depression in his abode?! What are you implying with that sentence that people with depression are impure somehow?! That they are undeserving of heaven?!

What do you mean by if he was depressed he would not have been able to ask intellectual questions?! What the fuck does that mean?! Are you implying that people with depression are incapable of intelligent thought or critical thinking?!

Also having a friend circle or a support system around you doesn't make your depression go away. That's a very archaic idea about mental health, like if you have people in your life you aren't allowed to be or supposed to be depressed. But guess what it doesn't work like that. At all.

I don't know if you're a kid who's just repeating things you've been told or if you're an adult with really narrow views but I'm begging you to please think before you speak. This country's understanding of mental health is already fucked so stop regurgitating toxic rhetoric on social media.

Also, no one is romanticising depression. Just because people interpret arjun the character to be depressed does not mean they are romanticising it. I am asking you to stop spreading harmful rhetoric and dangerous stereotypes about mental health.

Lastly, there is nothing to "justify" about mental health or mental illnesses. Would you justify a fever or a stomach bug? No because that's moronic, those are just illnesses with no moral value. Depression has no moral value either. It is not good or bad, and assigning moral value to it stigmatises it. That is not cool either. I would urge you to explore outside of your bubble, expose yourself to diverse voices, it would be better for you in the long run.

Also, people are allowed to interpret characters differently. People are allowed to interpret storylines, characters, overarching themes however they want, that is the magic of analysis. Also do not educate me on scholarly opinions, I am a literature student. Having such a strict view of literary analysis will do you no good. Scholarly articles aren't the only correct ones, you are allowed to come up with your own, in fact you should come up with your own interpretations, building your opinion purely based on what others have said is unwise.

I am aware Arjun killed the nivatkabachas, I'm not sure why you instantly assume others don't know anything and you are the only one who does.

Also yes you did assign moral and intellectual values to depression, someone already did the work of pointing out all the problematic rhetoric line by line, but I will say this, saying that indradev would not have allowed arjun into heaven, a place where you can only famously get to if you're good and just, just for having depression is assigning it moral value. And why would he not have been able to fight if he was depressed? Being depressed does not make you incapable.

Also you're acting as if Arjun is a real person who we're armchair diagnosing instead of a character whose actions people are analysing.

Really bro? For reaching heaven you need mental stability as well! Its funny how you're the one actually normalizing the fact that if depression happens let it persist, rather than encouraging someone to get treatment. Your narrative about my post seems completely out of place and so unnecessary. FYI, heaven isn't a normal place where you can enter whenever you want, you have to have mental strength and a strong mind, which surely a depressed person cannot have. Sure they are strong, but be honest about it, they need assistance! They need therapy!

Also you really said depressed people can't reach heaven with your whole ass chest, and then you're saying where you ascribed moral value?! You said right here depressed people cannot have a strong mind. If you don't see what is wrong with that then you aren't mature enough to comprehend what I say.

Goodnight.