alastair! + they/he/she
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$LAYYYTER

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@nightlament
alastair! + they/he/she
# Ā aid

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Alex Dimitrov, Poem Written in a Cab
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hello letterboxd user. in the last year you have reviewed atleast five movies with the phrase "be gay do crime" including gregg araki's 1992 film The Living End. on your left you will find a composition notebook and ballpoint pen, you have one minute to use your critical thinking skills and write one original thought about a film or I will simply run you over with my car
i donāt feel like negativity is some kind of massive societal issue. on the contrary i feel like false positivity is constantly enforced as a social norm. and that discussing upsetting or traumatic subjects and experiences is regarded as extremely socially taboo. like, i think we could all afford to complain a little bit more and be a bit more comfortable talking about certain subjects :))

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still canāt believe heās gone: this christmas will be our 140th without dostoyevsky
Edmonton Journal, Alberta, December 21, 1937
the thing is also that rich people cannot understand how many of those small moments of appreciation for life poor people have to miss out on. the difference between a poor person and a rich person who work the exact same hours is that the rich person has free time. even with the same hours!
i spent a lot of time at my best friendās place during my senior year of high school. his mom is an exec at a company literally all of you have heard of. she worked hard! and for long hours, longer than many of her coworkers and some of her subordinates (she was overworked, technically, because the company had made her absorb the job of a second person.)
still, on the off occasion that we got to talking in the realm of workersā rights, there was still some barely-perceptible catch in her view of work that i felt ultimately disallowed her from viewing working lifestyles as something influenced by the systematic and not merely the personal. and when i think about it, this might be why:
when my best friendās mom came home from work, in the late evening or at night, she would take off her heels at the door before padding across the persian rug and collapsing onto what is probably my favorite couch, a huge sectional with seats as wide as mattresses. the walls intersecting behind it were glass, so as she caught her breath she could see a number of things: always the shimmering lights of manhattan; if it were still evening, and fall, the autumn leaves of the entire length of central park; if it were summer, a whole dome of sunset and, on rare occasions, fireworks that burst right in front of the balcony, at eye-level from a spot on the 25th floor.
on days when she came home late, she never had to cook. my friendās father, a househusband, may have cooked something already, or we might have ordered sushi, or gone to one of the hundreds of restaurants within walking distance. if she didnt want much there was always cheese in the fridge, or wine in the cupboard, or espresso, or something novel: maybe i had brought them cake, maybe someone else had.
there was a lot of difficulty in raising her kids, but none of it came from their educational environments, which is more than most can say. both of her sons were in top public schools. the one i went to with her older son let us dual-enroll at columbia. if i had known her sons earlier, they would both have been enrolled at new yorkās lycee francais. her younger son was disabled, thatās difficult no matter who you are. his speech now is slow, but clear. i imagine speech therapy costs money. i imagine itās more stressful to have a child who canāt speak when you know you canāt afford to raise them into a teenager who can. but now, when she sits on the couch and asks her sons about their days, they complain about the too-fast pace of columbia calculus or the annoyance of not being able to pronounce a particular diphthong in french. real complaints. complaints that could be worse.
there are other things too, like how the apartment (save for the boysā room) was always clean even when i visited impromptu . (once, i came completely unannounced to surprise the younger one with a slice of birthday cake, but there was only a cleaning ladyā iām guessing the apartment complex sent cleaners every two weeks or so.) celebration was easy, fun was easyāwhen she heard iād received my first college acceptance, she immediately took us all out for dinner, and then back in for a nightcap. i had chartreuse for the first time. when something good happens there is champagne, there is caviar. they do not have to worry about safety, on the 25th floor of a complex with a front desk who calls to announce visitors and packages. beyond these there are surely a hundred other privileges that i cannot imagine because iāve grown up with the same ones.
and all of this happens outside of work, which is why i reiterate: respite makes all the difference. and if you are rich i believe it is difficult to see that even while you work the same (or longer!) hours or āas hard asā the working poor, the passive respite that comes from your wealthā the persian rug and the fluffy couch and the city lights and the sunset and the well-learned children and clean kitchen and leftover camembertā is giving you so much more life than the surroundings of any poorer person when they get home. the plain relaxation of the worker only seems egregious when you do not realize that their time at home is not ever relaxation, and yours is.
actually 2 build on that post i just rbād, making my own bc i dont want to derail but there is nothing radical feminism as a movement has done or said that other feminisms havent done or said better and with more nuance. there is a reason why 2nd wave feminism and specifically radical feminism is criticized heavily, not in the least because it was extremely racist and homogenizing.
radfem presupposes āwomanā as a distinct, oppressed class, and doesnāt take anything else (such as race, class, ability, age, education, and so on) into account, to the detriment of understanding āwomanhoodā (whatever that may mean) as a whole, complex, and fluid category. on top of how this then begs the question of what āwomanā then means (and in this context it Always means cis, dyadic, white women), āwomanā as a class cannot feasibly exist without differing intersections and experiences.
no one woman has the same life as another, and claiming all women are united on the basis of being women erases how white supremacy has always played a leading role in how white women will side with white men, will uphold the brutal systems in place, will choose their whiteness over their supposed solidarity with āwomenā in general, while women of color have been left behind and been oppressed by the same white women claiming to be their sisters-in-arms.
beyond this, white feminists in general (but especially radfems) are guilty of only seeing themselves as women ā that is to say, they are individuals with agency and autonomy ā whereas women in the global south and racialized women more generally speaking will be universalized into an object to be saved. they are no more women than they are victims, the difference between a farmer in nigeria and the pampered daughter of an official in vietnam not taken into account. all women in the global south are seen as an ahistorical, universalized monolith suffering under patriarchy above all else, and must therefore be āliberatedā by white feminists who know so much better and have their own freedom to help others⦠or whatever. intra-community tensions, according to them, do not exist. a lower caste woman and an upper caste woman in india are the same in these feministsā eyes.
radical feminist thought goes hand-in-hand with white supremacy bc of this, and it goes hand-in-hand with terfism (remember, terf stands for trans exclusionary radical feminist) for much the same reason. the definition of āwomanā in their view cannot include trans women because they view men to be the ultimate oppressor and being a man the ultimate privilege; in their view, nobody would want to give up the social capital ābeing a manā would grant, nevermind the fact that trans women arent men and this is not how any of that works.
bioessentialism and the idea of āwomanā as a distinct class/āwomanhoodā as an overarching experience are the foundations upon which radfem is built, and you cannot divorce these ideals frm the source to talk about what you believe to be āgood pointsā in an otherwise bad movement.
radfem rhetoric is terf rhetoric.
if you want to quote feminists n feminist ideas there are dozens of other movements (materialist feminism, womanism, marxist feminism, etc etc) you can call upon instead of one that is historically violent and upholds the interests of whiteness and cis dyadic womanhood above all else.
someone in the replies of one of jkr's tweets was like "you really can't let us enjoy your books huh" and it's like??? you guys are just transphobes like i really don't know what to say. protecting trans women will always be infinitely more important than a fucking book. grow the fuck up.

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Every time I think about the entry level job paradox my head feels like itās gonna explode.
Whenever I think about all the people that didnāt hire me to be a busser because I didnāt have any restaurant experience even though itās the lowest ranking job in the restaurant I feel a dangerous urge to strangle a hiring manager.
Some internships ask for experience. Internships. You know. The places youāre supposed to get experience? Those things? I wanna eat a door.
Quite frankly I donāt know how anyone gets into any industry. Any of them. Office workers must just spawn like minecraft mobs or something.
Thatās capitalism baby!
Let me explain:
Iām a professional animator who actually works in the field. And my uni professors would tell us that there has been a disturbing and terrible shift in the industry in many ways but allow me to explain this one in particular.
So the āexperienceā thing comes from the death of company training. Back in the day if I wanted to become an animator Iād approach a studio, show them my drawings and say āI want to be an animator will you teach me so I can work for you until I die?ā And if my drawings were good enough, and my desire sincear the company would put me into the lowest paying shittiest job they had. Cleaning cells, polishing the cogs of the multi plane camera, organising files, sweeping the damn floor.
And then for maybe an hour or two a day I would get to sit with one of the animators and they would show me a little of what they know. Iād get training much like how I would at University except you know⦠Iād get paid instead of going into crippling debt.
After about three years of doing the dirty work (you know, the length of an average college course for animation) Iād get that entry level animation position. Usually an in-betweener or a cell painter. And then bing bang boom Iām on my way to working slowly through my career. And this company will want to keep me around because theyāve invested so much into me. I have bargaining power, they donāt want me going to another studio that may pay more because they trained me. So they are more likely to treat me better to incentivise that I stay.
Companies realised this and decided to switch the responsibility of training onto the employee instead of the employer. Because I have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to educate MYSELF instead of the industry educating me. I have to beg, and work for pennies, to get the experience I need to have actual value in the intustry. And because the companies have no incentive to treat me well because they have no investment in me; I can be hired and fired as they please. Oh your contract was for eight months? Too bad we blew the budget and my nephew needs another raise, youāre fired. Oh and I canāt complain, complainers get blacklisted and then nobody will hire you.
But Iām an INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR which means I have so much FrEeDoM to do āw h a t e v e rā I like⦠š¤®
Itās all bullshit. They industry has no entry level positions because they want to choke you, they want to strangle the workforce and make them submit. Itās now your responsibility to suck cock, tearfully beg and lie on your resume just to get an unpaid internship where youāre worked like a donkey and donāt you dare complain about it.
And the most insulting lie is āoh we have more college educated kids than ever using that wonderful?ā NO! NO ITS NOT!!
There were less colleague grads back in the day because not every field NEEDS a college education to be performed!! Doctors and lawyers duh, but software programmers, artists, film students, animators, fashion designers, photographers ect. All used to get their training from the companies that hired them. Even more technical fields like stock brokers, bankers, miners, mechanics, ect. Didnāt have Colleges educations they just learnt on the job.
This system was not perfect or 100% ethical but fuck it was better than the anarcho-capitalist hell scape we currently occupy.
i truly believe that a lot of what gets labeled as "yearning" on here is actually deep & profound & excruciating loneliness & i really think we would have more productive discussions about it if we could just call a spade a spade
like loneliness is an incredibly serious mood state that has major implications for your physical & mental health & the pain it causes is far more intense than simple "yearning." a deep, agonizing longing for human connection is actually a really really big deal
saw this floating around on twitter thought it could be a fun rb game (source) (source2)
Full offense but Iām so fucking sick of those posts that are like āI hate war history and political history, I only want to read about real history like things about culture and food and textile history uwuā becauseā¦Iām extremely sorry some shitty men tried to act like weapon history was more important than anything else or laughed at you for being interested in fashion history but the truth of the matter is that if you donāt realize that war and political changes have a direct impact on litterally every single thing in a society, youāre not gonna be able to study any other aspect of history in a relevant way. Itās not like fashion, science and gastronomy develop in their own little bubbles with no impact from the outsideĀ world and itās genuinely silly to act like they do.Ā
(Also Iām going to scream if I see another person implying that the only reason anyone could study WWII is because theyāre creepy violent gun lovers. We live in a world where peopleās knowledge of what actually happened during the Shoah is getting worst and worst by the years AND weāre currently facing a fascist uprising so yeah, y'all still need to hear about WWII.)
oh a good take
#also like im sorry but#it has such āstock boyfriend astrology gfā energy#like hee hee im just a silly WOMAN i dont have time for things like POLITICS and WAR i only like cutesy fun history!!ā give me a break š#nothing wrong w/ fashion or food history but if you studied the meatier history you would end up studying that too#you CANT talk about the panthers without talking about their clothes and their image. literally
pregnancy/miscarriage tw
i could use donations to help cover copays and soften the blow from missed days of work these next few weeks.Ā
i had what appeared to be a miscarriage at work on wednesday, despite being on an IUD, and thereās concern i am still pregnant. if i am, i will also have to fund an abortion bc i cannot use my parerntsā insurance for it (lest they literally kill me).Ā
i also have to drive about 80 miles for every test, so help w gas would be nice.
paypal: [email protected]
(ask for venmo/cashapp)
this has all in all been a really stressful / traumatic experience and itās seemingly neverending, so keep any bullshit to yourself thanks.

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Weird that the fact that it is effectively impossible to redistribute Jeff Bezos's wealth because it's mostly stocks and the moment he gets hit the value of those stocks plummets is used as a rhetorical 'gotcha!' against wealth distribution and not itself a giant flashing sign that our economic system is a ridiculous house of cards built on smoke and mirrors where a few men are given unconscionable levels of power more or less completely arbitrarily
it is only tuesday.