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Ok well I went to therapy about it and I think I’m shitting my pants about this guy bc

1) I’m used to being this intense cattle dog where I’m the one that freaks out the other person about How Much I Care

2) This guy has gone out of his way in the few weeks Ive met him to let me know he’s paid special attention to me and…I’m not horrified or want to run away from it. And if he were someone i didnt like, id look at his behavior and be like, “oh nooooooooo” and hide and evade.

3) So i guess I just…should be nice to him???? And being flustered is ok? ??? Wasn’t expecting a thick legged George Russell lookalike pedicabber to be like, “Oh, you’re insane in a way I like.” Ok this may go to shit, but at least I dont have to learn how county jail commissary payments work! Again!

#and lets not even get into the weightloss of it all #would he have paid attention to me a year ago? what would that answer bring me? nothing most likely

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Dislike crushes, only two options to act, both bad, which is aloof or the dumbest bitch alive. Since this one goes out of his way to say hi to me, that means I am going to lose track of my phone and/or water bottle every four minutes. Clever and put together? Never met her! Maybe she knows where I put my water bottle!

#while internally screaming IM TOO OLD FOR THIS

segamascott

not many of us can say we are chanty beluga

I’ve gotten to the point with my particular passions where I’d like a place to present them in a way I would not mind people had the link to (even this weekend, at a table with my father and five of my most beloved friends: “Meredith has a Tumblr.” “Wait….still?” “Yeah, but you’ll never see it.” “None of us have seen it?????” “Nope!!!!”). But I’d like a place where I could talk about learning about knitting, and plants of central Texas and occasionally sobbing about what Russell Westbrook means to me or books I’m reading, and I wouldn’t even mind my name attached to it. I don’t know, just putting that out there!!!!

#there are so many lame knitting blogs or are 80% ads #and i get it as they are often run by stay at home moms #but i just want to talk about how im making a giant ugly algae green body pillow rn #bc i wanted one and it forced me to learn how to knit in the round #which i actually quite like

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nighthamcollege

Remember that cutie pie I mentioned like three hours ago? Well, it was bench press day today, and Ty, the hip gay bartender/sw, who goes to our gym is watching him do a heavy set and mutters, “Beautiful,” Then leans over to me and whispers loudly, “HE’S WEARING THE SAME BASKETBALL SHORTS AS YESTERDAY.” So the whole gym has a new crush, as a collective.

nighthamcollege

Honestly, I’m such a personality bitch (ie: hey that guy laughs at all of my jokes!!) that I would have never even noticed he was one of our more prominent Basketball Shorts wearers if no one had pointed it out to me. And I think this is one of my eternal delightful quirks to the gays: I had just made a crazy bdsm joke and then five minutes later I’m like, “Huhh??? Oh yeah, diiiiicks, right!!!!!” Who knows what I’ll get!

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I was making general TNG/DS9 memes but so many ended up being about Lwaxana that she just had to have her own post. Iconic. Love that for her.

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scientific fact

Remember that cutie pie I mentioned like three hours ago? Well, it was bench press day today, and Ty, the hip gay bartender/sw, who goes to our gym is watching him do a heavy set and mutters, “Beautiful,” Then leans over to me and whispers loudly, “HE’S WEARING THE SAME BASKETBALL SHORTS AS YESTERDAY.” So the whole gym has a new crush, as a collective.

There is also a new cutie pie at the noon class. Well, he’s not new, he’s been going regularly for a few months, regularly enough that even before talking to him I realized he must be on a certain wavelength to enjoy coming to our gym 20+ times a month. It’s gross, it’s small, everyone’s a big personality and somehow straight men fall way below the women and the gay men in terms of power rankings.

He’s definitely younger, he’s works as a pedicab driver, he can approach groups of women with the unthreatening ease of someone with close female relatives and friends and maybe extensive amount of customer service. He’s got a bit of the Jeremy Allen White face and floppy young James McAvoy hair and very thick hairy* legs (Idk, I was sitting on the ground while he was standing next to me during warm-up, small unairconditioned gyms get you very familiar with each other bodies in a way that’s probably good in a repressed American society)**. He’s so nice!! I came in yesterday and he’s like “Oh you got your bike back!!!” Later:: “Hey!!! Look at you, new shoes!!!!” A couple of weeks ago at a bar, he heard me and two other women talk about our bullshit dating lives and he so sweetly looks at me and says, “I don’t think men are doing their best right now.” And I just laughed. (I mean, maybe that was pandering like Drake’s “Nice For What” but hey, I loved the shit out of that song. Let me be pandered to every now and then!!!!) And I know he’s like that with pretty much all the girls and he’ll be treated like a pocket puppy, the way we do to all of the best straight guys, but for now a lower c crush that gets my ass in a sports bra and across town, well, that’s fine.

* I think a lot of people think I am bad about shaving my legs because Politics, but it’s just my executive disfunction meeting my mom not hammering any beauty standards home (1/3 from trauma from her adolescence, 1/3 from picking her battles with my stubborness, 1/3 from depression from her divorce and not really paying attention). I get kind of grossed out at a certain point but there’s always weeks of “uuughhhhh but that’s going to take forever!!!!” And then it gets so bad I use up two blades and have to Drano the bathtub afterwards.

** When the gym opened, it was during the psychotically hot summer of 2022 and within the first few days, most of the women were like “fuck it, I’m not keeping a shirt over my sports bra.” At our old gym, there was an unspoken anxiousness about that, like that was only for the Very Thin And Fit (and if you did it anyway, you would get the “so BRAVE” treatment) but that went right out the window. Even our most insecure within a month were like, “Yeah, too hot. Few clothes as possible is the only way to go.”

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After like two years of assessing my relationship to the gym, it turns out, I worked out the most in my life when I could go to the noon class every day, and now that I’ve figured out how to schedule my week so I can do more noon classes, I am enjoying it so much more. That’s all!!!! That was it!!!! I just like a midday workout!!!!

I don’t want to do it early!!!!! I want to drink my coffee and pet my cats!!!! I don’t want to work out late!!!!! I want to drink a glass of wine and avoid traffic and pet my cats!!!!!!!

#also the noon group is usually very chill and fun #this is very it turns out i keep liquid pooping after drinking milk because im lactose intolerant #well yeah glad you keep testing that bud

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Meanwhile, on the boxed set of Twin Peaks I paid $49.99 for with the worst captioning I've seen in my life

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Also Lisa and I were talking ghosts and Ouija boards and such and she’s like, “You can’t do Bloody Mary in New Orleans. Every place is just stacks and stacks of spirits on top of each other, you may be calling on like 20 different Mary ghosts.”

#when people tell me they love the spirit of new orleans i always laugh she said #yeah lot of Spirits thats true!!!!

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Had the greatest Uber driver of my life yesterday named Lisa, she was from New Orleans (i knew the second she said “oil spill” regarding an accident on one of the highways last week “earrl spill..”) We got stuck in traffic and just cracked each other up the whole way down to my bike shop. Passed two clear touristy ladies in knee high leather boots and faces full of make-up looking like they were going to melt right there on 6th and Chicon, and all I said was “oh girl…” and Lisa barked, “I WASNT GONNA SAY NOTHING UNLESS YOU DID” and laughed so hard she started to cough.

#the thing about cowboy and motorcycle culture #is that those clothes were designed practically for what you are riding on and the environment you are riding in #angled heels keep feet in stirrups tapered toes and smooth solesnyou can get in and out of the stirrups easy #the height and leather is protection from snakes plants heat cold and friction #they are NOT meant to be worn on a 103 afternoon on a sidewalk outside a natural wine bar in the city #and its VERY funny to see how miserable they can look #like for the millionth time: what made you believe texas has good weather?#what makes us unique re: historic houses animals plants food and dress #are all a response to how much it sucks outdoors

trans-pickles

you don't need to write a dark deconstruction of Peter Pan where he's willing to kill people and his state of eternal childhood makes him morally ambiguous, JM Barrie already wrote one and it's called Peter Pan

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