mystic

the thing is, Flame and Wemmbu operate very differently. the same thing/being in same place makes them react very differently. remember how when Flame's chestplate broke, the first thing he did was make a new one and prepare to fight Wemmbu to get his title back? when Flame is cornered and frustrated, he fights back even harder. when Wemmbu is cornered and frustrated, he gives up and stops fighting. and that's the big difference between them that i think Flame just doesn't understand

if someone started insulting Flame/pointing at his flaws during the battle, it would annoy him and he'll try harder to prove them wrong. however, if someone does this to Wemmbu, he starts believing he cannot win and fighting worse

doodle dump of various levels of cuteness from a few days ago

i'll escort you out

i think the most important part about flame and wemmbu's relationship is they THINK they understand each other, and they let this shape their interactions. but they don't actually understand each other. they assume they both have the same intentions — they assume they fight for the same goals. so flame has crafted a vision of camaraderie with wemmbu over what he thinks is a shared desire to reach their full potential as fighters, while wemmbu thinks flame is genuinely out for his head — because every time someone has tried to hold egg over him like this, it was because they wanted something from him.

most of wemmbu's fighting is part of some sort of transaction. he fights to gain favor, he fights to keep a friend safe — fighting has always been a means to the end, something to help him gain power. so he can't really comprehend that to flame, the fight itself IS the reward. the fight IS the transaction. the fight IS the power.

and flame operates on a similar, but opposite, line of thinking. he genuinely enjoys fighting. he's passionate about it. THAT'S what drives him — he's not trying to gain anything out of fighting other than skill. so he's confused when wemmbu treats fighting as a chore, as something that he HAS to do instead of something he WANTS to do.

first off, that's not what boundaries are. boundaries are personal rules you set for yourself, you can't make other people follow your rules, especially if it's in fandom spaces

a valid boundary would be not wanting to be sent a work with one of the things you don't want to see. if people send a cc who doesn't want to see themself shipped ship works, that's not cool

however, i'm not doing that. i'm writing/drawing what i like and posting it, tagged correctly. if a cc is on ao3 and they decide to click on a work tagged as a ship work and don't like what they see, that's on them

i've been very lucky not not be flamed by other fans. all of my mutuals/the people i follow are pro shipping, maybe that's part of it? idk. i know it's a possibility, but i don't really care. this probably has to do with the fact that i've been in the mcyt space for 6 years now and i've seen some shit. i was in the dsmp fandom when i was younger and i saw all that discourse. what i've learned is that the boundary warriors are mostly kids who don't know any better. a lot of my friends were boundary warriors 5-6 years ago, but have since grown up. we're all adults now

not a lot but i do... we see that they sorta... got over the issues they had but i think that their dynamic is still very bitter especially from wemmbu's side and they go from toxic to healthy relationship yet never actually resolve anything nor does wemmbu get any meaningful apology. so, even though they're technically on good terms now, that underlying bitterness still lingers. yes, maybe zam changed in the time she was away and in the prison, maybe she reflects on their relationship and regrets parts of it but they never actually voice it and just try to get to how they and wemmbu were before. and this sudden shift gives wemmbu many conflicting emotions i think. he does still love her in a way, never really stopped and neither did zam, but just go back to normal with no real resolution when their last interactions weren't friendly at all? wemmbu is known to suppress his emotions but i think it still gets to him through all that and interacting with zam is like having a scar that should've healed by now but can't stop hurting

so long that we become flowers;

two corpses we were, two corpses I saw.

as many of you know, the work we did for Avid was substantial. the music we made with him has been our lifeblood for the past several months as we have been reeling from the onset of a severe, life changing disability diagnosis that prevents us from working a typical job. music, video editing, streaming, and making our own videos are about all we can do. our disabling dissociative amnesia prevents the timely and reasonable learning of new skills. while we have been working constantly with a dissociative specialist to inch towards remedying this, we do not expect that we will be equipped to work in any other capacity any time soon.

the royalties we received from the music we made together with Avid were roughly 80-90% of our income on any given month for the calendar year so far, and they have helped us stay afloat while we have been trying to go through the rigorous and ill-equipped disability system.

putting all your eggs in one basket is never a good idea regardless, and the fears i had building for the past couple of months only further emphasized this. as such, i have been trying to diversify by engaging with streaming, trying to get my name out there for collaborative work in other SMPs, and reaching out to my creator friends for editing work. i really can't thank two people in particular enough - LeonSBU and NatureOfGaming - for providing me work as they have been able to afford and especially in Leon's case, getting my name out there for other SMPs.

unfortunately, the true extent of Avid's manipulations and lies were more than i could ever have imagined. the fact that my entire understanding of his intentions has been flipped in a matter of no more than 3 days feels like being hit by a truck. for full transparency, i am no longer in contact with Avid, but i did inform them that i was leaving the fate of our music in their hands. in the final messages he sent to me before i cut contact, he told me that he "would never cut [me] off financially". he told me he would never do a lot of things, so forgive me if i have trouble trusting this. regardless, the dropoff in listenership after what has been revealed will be substantial and immediate.

in the best case-scenario, i have a month or two left before royalties catch up to this dropoff, and will see consistent income for that time still. in the worst, i will no longer be able to afford my rent by the end of the month if he does remove the music and disable my royalty splits.

what i need is two things: i need immediate funds to fall back on in case things go poorly, and i need longevity. i have been so lucky to be surrounded by so many truly astounding and generous creators who have been willing to put my name out there for work. i am hoping this comes to fruition. i am already hearing from some about potential editing opportunities which is amazing. but things are still up in the air, and i need to be quick and smart. this is why i am doing something that my fans know i hate. i'm asking for help.

as i see it, there are three pillars to this. all the highlighted text below links directly:

immediate aid - if you have the funds to spare, buying our music on Bandcamp and donating to our Ko-Fi are methods of which we see the funds in a matter of days, if not instantly. this will help us build an emergency fund if worse comes to worse.

supporting our work - by spreading the word about our streaming on Twitch and listening to our music on streaming services such as Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube (and any other platform our music is on), you provide a significant source of consistent income that we can rely on month-to-month.

word of mouth - talking about what we do and why you enjoy it is a surprisingly big help, because it helps us find connections for potential growth opportunities and commission work. additionally, letting people know we have a Discord and are the ones responsible for Avid's music in the first place not only helps us, but it helps the people who loved Avid's music know there is more out there from the person who made his songs possible.

i'm gonna level with you all. i fucking hate writing this. i feel like a beggar. i feel humiliated. these past three days of piecing things together have been some of the worst of my life, and having to once again ask for help is the cherry on top. since i learned about the truth three days ago, this has been constantly looming over me. everything else has been made crystal clear to me, so i at least know without a shadow of a doubt what happened. but with this? i'm terrified. Avid knew my situation, my disability, my reliance on our work together. he has left me in a truly impossible situation. i am taking it as an opportunity to double down on the work i was already doing and try to turn it into a positive. i hope that you all are gracious enough to help me make that a reality. it would really mean the world right now.