NT🫶

Notes- first of I just want to apologise for only just posting this update. I’ve recently got a new job which is taking it out of me as well as looking after my kids. I do have a few more parts written but I’m going to try hurry up and end this story, maybe I’ll do a second part of it but for now I think I may try and just write one shots. I go on holiday next week so I will not be writing but I’ll try post before I leave.

Anyways I hope you enjoy this extra long part!

Negan

“Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend Negan.”

Those words kept replaying through my head, making my heart beat faster every time.

Life with Ella was amazing. We spoke all the time and saw each other as much as we could through our busy schedules. Sometimes alone and sometimes with hazel. I’d never expect to ever get into a relationship with someone who had a child but she was different. I liked spending time with both Ella and her daughter. Although she wasn’t my child, it felt nice to have some sort of relationship with her, see her grow and her milestones.

Sarah hadn’t managed to get in touch with the seller of the house Ella was interested in. He was on vacation and should be back any day. Good news was that no one was yet to buy the property so it was still on the market and with lack of interest meant that the seller would most likely accept the offer.

I’d been really busy with practice this week. We were preparing for the first big game of the summer and working with a new team was harder than I thought. Sure, they had some good wins and the guys were really fuckin nice at times, but their idiotic ways and stupidity fucked us up at times. I had less than two weeks to train the team to play the best that they could. We’d already been at it none stop for the past two weeks. They’re getting better, but there was still a lot of work to go. I’d put the boys on a strict alcohol ban for the next two weeks, promised them that if we win this game then all drinks were going to be on me.

“Dwight what the hell was that!” I ran my hand over my face as Dwight completely failed to hit the ball. He was so out of time I couldn’t have ran around the pitch before he managed to swing. Well maybe not that fast, but still, that swing was pathetic. “What’s fucking got into you man? You’ve been distracted all fucking week. We can’t afford to lose this game.”

Dwight let out a sigh and swung the bat to the side. “I’ve got shit goin on, Negan. I don’t need you giving me shit too cause I didn’t hit one god damn ball.” He stormed off from the pitch. Whatever he was doing he best sort his shit soon.

I took a deep breath and picked my personalised bat up, walking over to the batting box. “Simon, you’re pitching. Boys, get into position.” I shouted and the rest of the team immediately got into positions.

We’d split the team up into two teams while we practiced. It was the best way we were going to prepare for the game.

The guys actually worked well for once. We had a good few rounds and decided it was time to call it quits for the day.

Dwight was still yet to return to the pitch. I’d left him to do what he wanted, if he came back to that pitch with the same shitty attitude as before id probably have lost my shit.

On the way out of the pitch, I’d noticed that the batting cage was running. Inside was a very angry Dwight, hitting the balls over and over. I stood and observed for a while, he was in his own world, distracted by whatever was going on in his mind. It took him a good 5-6 minutes to notice me standing in the door way.

“Blowing off some steam?” I stood up straight and slung my bag to the side and picked up one of the bats.

Dwight let out a little sigh and turned the pitching machine off, “something like that.”

“Wanna talk about it?” I picked one of the balls up, throwing it up and catching it a few times.

It was part of my job to criticise my players and make sure they had their head in the game. But as a friend I needed to make sure he was doing okay mentally as well as being prepared for the game.

He sat down on the side bench and looked up to me. He looked awful. Tired, bags falling heavy under his eyes. Dwight was genuinely a good guy but he also tried to suck up with everyone which would ultimately lead to his down fall.

“Just things with sherry man.” Really? He’s this pissed over a girl? I’ve met sherry a few times. She’s a beautiful girl, total knock out. Reminds me of someone who would probably be a cheerleader in another life but in this life she was a teacher apparently.

I held back my annoyance to hear him out. He best be fucking convincing.

“We’ve been trying to have a baby… she thinks we’re both at that stage in our life where we’re ready to settle down… and yeah I do too… but she’s became obsessed with the idea. Tracking her ovulations, constantly wanting to fuck.. which I’m not complaining about but it’s the after part… the negative tests. I get the after effects of her moods… she wants me to see a doctor, get tested to see if I’m the problem.” He rested his head back against the wall, avoiding all eye contact.

I get how he feels. There was a point where Lucille and I were trying. We just stuck it down to it not being the right time but that’s when we learned about her cancer.

“That’s shit D… how long has this been going on?” Couples can take years to conceive and then one day it just happens. Others need to explore other options.

“Few months. She’s ovulating again now, so of course this morning, last night… it happened but she still wants me to get tested if this doesn’t work. I’m not in a rush to have kids. I’m still enjoying life. With Sheryy, I suppose she’s around them all day and wants to have her own.” Dwight sighed and looked over to me, “what would you do?”

I ran my hand down my face and let out a little sigh. Dwight trusted me with this news and his current situation, it was only right for me to share my experience, even if it’s something I don’t like talking about. “Honestly? There was a point where Lucille and I were trying. She wasn’t as obsessed as sherry with it, she’d test every month but that was about it and after the first few times we just decided it wasn’t the time yet… but turns out she was hurt about it more than I thought. She went to the doctor because she believed she was infertile and that’s when we heard about the cancer… and I’m not saying that’s the issue.” I quickly added, not wanting to scare him. “Some times it’s just not the right time… if I were you, I’d go get tested. It may be scary but anything to make our girl happy hey.”

I haven’t really thought about having kids in a long time. I knew that I wanted them but I was in no rush. Things with me and Ella were in the early stages, she already had Hazel and I think it’s good to focus on her for now. Plus I know I’m not ready for a child of my own right now. I’ve just moved to a new team as well as starting a new relationship, I wanted to give them my full attention.

“Thanks man, I do appreciate your support. I’m sorry about earlier, promise tomorrow I’ll be better.” Dwight stood up and patted my shoulder before he grabbed his bag.

I gave him a slight nod before taking some time in the batting cage before leaving.

Ella

The last two weeks have been amazing. I’d finally finished my third year of college, took the MCAT and finally submitted my applications for medical school. It was a hard decision when it came to what school I wanted to study at. If I didn’t have Hazel, I’d probably be leaving this town and studying somewhere else. However, with me and Shane separated and having joint custody of Hazel, I needed to stay local enough for us both to see her.

We’d talked about the possibility of moving away when I got to med school, Shane could easily transfer to another station with how high up he was, but he’s made it clear that he wouldn’t do that now that we’re no longer together. Plus there was Negan. He’d just moved to Georgia and I couldn’t ask him to move away for me. I also couldn’t be away from my dad with everything he has going on at the moment.

My dad was doing a lot better, he wasn’t on as many medications anymore and the treatment was working well. The doctors said he will soon be strong enough to come home. Only issue with that is that home was at my aunt Elaine’s house. The devil in disguise. Maybe it was my own feelings against her that made me think it was a bad idea, but if he lives there that means I wouldn’t be able to visit him. Elaine made it clear that she didn’t want me in her home.

My sisters have been really present in my life recently. We’d gone for brunch and on little trips to the park with Hazel. I’d even taken Hazel to the farm where my sisters still lived with their mother. It was nice to be back on the farm. I hadn’t visited in a while and the last few times I had it felt forced, I had no choice in the matter. I had to be there for the sake of my dad. However, this time it was amazing. It felt like home and seeing Hazel with all of the animals warmed my heart. I even got to see my childhood horse that my dad had bought me for when we visited. His name was Dumbo of course, he was bought during my elephant obsessed stage and I decided if I couldn’t have my own elephant than a horse would have to do.

My relationship with Maggie and Beth was finally on track to becoming an actual sisterly bond and I couldn’t wait to see how it progressed.

I’d practiced with the band a lot. We’d produced a few new songs and performed in a place that wasn’t Demimonde and ended up earning a lot more tips which went straight into my house deposit fund.

Things with Negan were better than ever. Dispute not being able to see each other every day, we still text and FaceTimed as much as we could. Every night without fail he’d send me a good night text if we hadn’t had time to FaceTime. When we plan to meet up I still get them crazy butterflies and nervousness like it was my first time meeting him but then when we’re together that nervousness goes and the butterflies increase. I feel so comfortable around him. He’s the first guy that’s actually made me feel wanted for more than just sex. He wants to show me off, take me to nice places, be my best friend and my therapist all in one. Then there’s the time with Hazel. She is absolutely obsessed with Negan. She giggles and smiles every time he’s around. He’s always trying to make her laugh, pulling silly faces, tickling her and constantly encouraging her to say mama. He would make an amazing dad one day, but not yet. No way.

The owner of the house that Negan took me to see, still hadn’t got back in touch with Sarah about the offer. The more I thought about it, the more I realised it probably wasn’t going to happen for me. Financially it was a big toll and when it came to med school I probably wouldn’t be able to work as much as I do now, therefore, I wouldn’t meet the mortgage payments as well as bills. So the search continued.

I hadn’t told Negan yet. I feel bad that he went to the effort of setting a private show around for me and I didn’t want to disappoint him by saying I can’t afford it.

Negan had a big game coming up soon. He wouldn’t stop talking about it, how excited he was, how nervous he was. It was his first big game with his new team so everything was hands on deck with him at the minute. He really wanted me to go watch his game but I turned him down and made something up so I could surprise him. All the tickets had sold out but I managed to convince Simon into getting me a ticket and of course he came through with seats behind the home plate so I could get the perfect view of Negan and he would hopefully see me.

I’d managed to get hold of a personalised baseball jersey with Negan’s number and “smith’s girl” on the back. Then for Hazel, she had a little shirt that says “Hazel-Grace is Negan Smiths Number 1 fan”.

It was a bit risky wearing a shirt with ‘Smiths girl’ on it. Although we were officially and definitely weren’t keeping it a secret, I wasn’t exactly fond on the whole world knowing about our relationship. I was a private person but Negan had tons of followers on social media and with his job it was expected. But with the media comes drama and that wasn’t something I was ready for.

We’d spoke about things and how I’m not a fan of social media and Negan made some fair points.

“It’s not that I don’t want people to know I’m your girlfriend, of course I do. But I don’t want people to think I’m just here because you’re literally famous.” I sighed as I sat on the edge of Negan’s bed with my mug of honey green tea. It was our first time spending the night together sober and more prepared.

Negans arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me back towards him gently enough so I didn’t spill my tea. “Famous huh? Come on Ell, I’m not fucking famous, famous.” He let out a deep chuckle as he settled his head in the crook of my neck.

I carefully placed my mug onto the bed side table and turned to face Negan. It was hard to concentrate with his arms wrapped around me, his warm breath against my skin and the scent of citrus and sandal wood filling my body. His hair was still wet from our earlier shower together and he remained shirtless with only his black boxers on. “Negan, you have 890K followers on Instagram Alone. You’re very well known, and you deserve it. You’ve worked hard to be where you’re at. Me on the other hand? I’m just some girl who got pregnant at a young age and works in a bar. What are people gonna say about that?”

“Sunshine, look at me.” Negan’s hands cupped my face, his thumbs gently rubbing against my cheeks. “You’re not just some girl. Youre an amazing mom, you’re a really fucking talented singer, you’re gonna be the first ever singing surgeon. And You’re my girl. Okay? Now I get you’re private. I get that. I do and I respect it. But being with me comes with paparazzi now and then, interviews and articles. No matter what there will be some asshole who wants to get in the way of our relationship but as long as we talk about it and trust each other then that won’t break us. I fucking promise you baby.”

Everything he said made sense. But did I really want my face plastered around the internet. I’d already had a few videos go viral from singing with ‘Not your X’ but my social media accounts were private so no one actually knew about my life. They just knew Ella the singer. Not Ella the mom who’s dating that famous baseball player.

“I know, you’re right” I let out a little sigh and held onto one of Negan’s hands. His lips brushed against mine gently. “but for now.. can we please just keep our relationship off social media… or maybe just don’t post my face or tag me? I know it’s kinda selfish of me to ask. I want people to know you’re off limits but I’m not ready for the back lash yet.”

“I’ll be more than happy do fucking do that, sunshine”

That night we posted our first social media photos announcing that we were in relationships. Negan posted a photo that he’d taken of me looking over his balcony while the sunsets so my face wasn’t visible and another one of me cuddled into his chest, my hair covering my face. I’d posted a more aesthetic photo of us holding hands at brunch and one where Negan was behind me with his head against my shoulder which I’d actually taken by mistake when we were trying to take a nice mirror picture.

Although my account was private and I only had people I genuinely knew on there, I couldn’t risk someone leaking photos of me and Negan together.

Luckily, our town was small so we didn’t have to worry too much about people sharing our business or taking photos of us. The paparazzi stayed away most of the time unless a scandal had came out.

I’d just picked up the jerseys on my way home from practice with the band and they looked amazing. I couldn’t wait to see Negan’s reaction. Now the tricky part was hiding them and not slipping up which was one of my biggest issues. The minute I plan a surprise I just want to tell the other person. I’m a giver. It’s my love language.

It felt nice to actually come home and not have to worry about anything else for the day. My week had been so busy but tonight my only plans were a long hot bath, face masks and reading with my first ever real love, Ben and jerrys.

When I walked into the apartment, Rosita was on her hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen cupboards. She was in full nesting mode lately and no one was aloud to help her. If she didn’t do it, then it wasn’t clean enough apparently. I tried to do a load of laundry the other day and she nearly cut my hands off for using “the wrong detergent”.

“Are you sure you’re supposed to be doing that?” I rested my body against the wall as I watched her viciously scrub the floors.

“I’m pregnant..”

“Not dying.” We said in unison. It was the one thing that Rosita has constantly been saying lately. She won’t accept any help which I get but it still makes us all worry about her. “I know, I know. I’m just looking out for you… too much stress isn’t good Ro.”

Rosita carefully stood up and took the bowl of dirty water to the kitchen sink, “good job I’m not stressed then.” She emptied the water and actually came and sat down. “Oh yeah, I’ve stolen your identity, I’m now you.”

“Huh?” I raised a brow and let out a little laugh as I followed her to the couch, sitting down on the other end of it.

Rosita nodded to a big envelope on the coffee table, “that got delivered today and when they asked if you were home I panicked and said I was you, if needed to be signed for so must be important.”

Strange. I wasn’t expecting anything. I grabbed the letter and quickly opened it up, eager to know what it was. “Dear Miss Ella Jane Greene, my name is Michonne Hawthorne, I’m a lawyer who dealt with your mothers will. Your inheritance of $8…” my mouth dropped when I read the rest of the letter.

My mother had left $800,000 which was now mine now that I had turned 21. I had no clue about this money. I had no clue my mom had money like this. We’d never came across as wealthy people, sure, we had the farm and took regular trips to the US but my parents worked hard. My dad hadn’t even mentioned anything about this before.

“$8 inheritance?” Rosita looked at me confused. I wasn’t expecting anything still in shock. Instead of explaining I just gave the letter to Rosita. Her jaw dropped s she read the rest of the letter. “ your inheritance of $800,000 is now available. As noted in Grace Greenes will, all her life savings will go to her daughter Ella Jane Greene. Please give me a call to discuss more details.”

“Ella… you’re fucking rich.” Rosita laughed and put the letter down. I still couldn’t believe this was real.

“Maybe it’s a scam… my parents didn’t… don’t have that money… I’d know about it… right? I mean my dad had money saved for college but he did that for al—” realisation hit me. My dad paid for mine, Maggies and Beth’s college tuition plus he had money put away to go towards med school. Holy shit. We were rich. I looked over at Rosita who was still smiling like a kid at a funfair.

“Rich… Call your dad. He must know about it.” Maybe I should. We never really talked about this type of stuff. We never had the expensive branded stuff or a massive house. Sure, our farm house was classed as a big house in the UK with 5 bedrooms but we were never flashy.

I grabbed my phone and looked up the lawyer to see if this was real or some sick joke. To my surprise she had tons of positive reviews. “I’m gonna go call him… I’m.. what do I say?”

Rosita shrugged and handed me the paper once again. “Just be honest Ell. I’m sure he had a reason behind it.”

I went to walk into my room to call him but this seems like a conversation that needed to be had in person. “I’m just gonna go see him… want me to grab panda express on the way home? Girls night?”

It had been a while since I had some quality time with Rosita. We were either always working, at college or had other things in our personal life. Siddiq had a night shift and Hazel was staying with Shane for the night so tonight seemed like perfect timing. I wasn’t planning on seeing Negan until tomorrow either.

“Perfect, call me on your way home and I’ll set the projector up, sex and the city marathon?” Rosita smiled as I lingered at the front door.

“Always, love you!” I called out as I left the apartment. I always made sure to tell my friends and family that I loved them before we separated. Maybe it was a morbid thing. It all started after my mother died. I was terrified of loosing anyone and not being able to tell them that I loved them. You never know what could happen.

The drive over to the hospital felt like hours. My anxiety was peaked and I was so nervous to bring the subject up. What as I going to say? “Hey dad, erm are we secretly rich cause I’ve had some letter saying mom left me $800,000.” Or “so dad, did mom leave me anything when she died?” This wasn’t exactly a conversation that was to be taken lightly.

I must have looked like a crazy person talking to myself over and over in my car. I needed a plan and I didn’t know where to even start.

Even on the way up to his room I still didn’t know what to say or do. Maybe I should just come right out and say it.

I gave his door a light knock before I entered his room, “hey daddy, it’s only m—“ I froze as I saw my Aunt Elaine sat on one of the guest chairs next to my dad. She was wearing one of her signature black dresses and blazers with her heels and red bag of course.

I hadn’t seen her since she called me a whore and threw me out of her home once she found out I was pregnant and keeping the baby.

“You’re a disgrace to this family Ella! You’re not that sweet girl who used to visit me every year.” Elaine shouted at me across the small living room. She’d found the box of my pregnancy test in my bathroom when she was ‘putting towels away’. She used to be so kind and thoughtful but this was like the devil took over her body.

I was shaking, already scared and nervous from the news that I’d found out. I needed support not hate. “I’m sorry Aunt Elaine, I didn’t mean for this to happen. We were safe… we were always safe i promise.. it must have broke one time.” Tears streamed down my face, my mascara stinging my eyes as the streaks fell down.

“Do you even know who the father is? Don’t tell me it’s that cop you’ve been seeing! He’s a lot older than you Ella Jane!” Elaine had made it clear that she wasn’t a fan of Shane from the very start. She kept going on about how he’s too old for me and was abusing his power. But I loved him. He showed interest in me and didn’t treat me like the fragile little girl that my family think I am.

“Yes it’s Shane’s. I love him Aunt Elaine. He actually loves me too.” He was outside waiting for me to grab some things. I just wanted to run into his arms and never leave them.

“If you don’t get rid of that thing then you will not be in this home! My home has no place for whores!”

Them words broke my heart every time I replay that scene in my head. I’d came home to grab some things to take back to Shane’s. We’d had a long talk about the situation we were in and I wanted to spend the night with him but then I came home to a very angry father and Aunt.

My dad apologised and wanted me to come home but I couldn’t be in a situation with Elaine again. Shane already suggested me moving into his place so I had another option. That was the last time I’d seen Elaine.

“Oh.. I’m sorry I can come back later.” I bit the inside of my bottom lip until I could taste copper. I could feel Elaine’s glare on my skin even without looking at her.

“No, no… I should be getting off anyways.” Elaine quickly replied and grabbed her ruby red bag. The same one she’s had for as long as I can remember. She never went anywhere without that thing. My sisters and I used to say that it was full of all her secrets and the list of people she’s murdered. It was a silly joke but now im not too sure. “We will talk about things another time Hershel, all the best.” She gave him a little hug before walking over to me, her heels clicking against the floor, each one more terrifying than the other.

I swallowed the imaginary lump that was caught in my throat ones she stood right in front off me, giving me a slight up and down look, “Ella, you’re looking well.”

“Uh… thank you… y-you too.” I stuttered, trying to decipher whether that was a compliment or an insult. I offered a small smile in the hopes to ease the tension but it didn’t seem to work.

“Well I should get going. Duty calls.” Elaine was the mayor’s assistant which made her seem a lot scarier than she already was. “It was nice seeing you Ella. All the best.”

“Yeah.. you soo Aunt Lay.” I replied with a slight smirk. When we were younger we’d always call her aunt laylay but when she got her job in the mayors office she told us it was ‘improper’ and ‘silly’ so she shut us down. Truth was, until she got that job she was the best aunt a girl could ask for. Since then she thinks she’s above everyone else.

Elaine let out a sigh with an eye roll before she left the room. Bitch.

“You might as well just live here, elly elephant.” My dad spoke up with a slight croaky chuckle. He shuffled in his seat and patted the chair next to him. “I thought you weren’t coming for until tomorrow afternoon.”

I’d planned to bring Negan with me tomorrow so he could meet my dad. My dad was one of the most important people in my life so I wanted him to get to know Negan and plus he was the first guy I actually felt like I needed in my life.

I sat down next to him. “I still am, but I need to talk to you about something… I received a letter today…. From mom’s lawyers.” I carefully pulled the letter from my pocket and handed it over. My dad didn’t look surprised or worried. He kinda seemed like he was expecting this. “Why was I never told about this? I thought the only thing mom had was the farm and we sold that to come here..”

My dad took a deep breath and put the letter down on the side “I didn’t sell the farm. I had money already… see your mother’s grandfather had a very big company in the UK. Your grandfather was supposed to take over but he didn’t want to so your great grandfather kicked him out of the will and everything went to your mother instead. When he died your mother bought the farm and put money away for your college savings and the rest in a separate account. When she died I spoke to her lawyer and we agreed that half then money goes to you when you turn 21 and the rest is for after you finish college, in this case med school.” The rest? What does he mean the rest? That must mean… no…

“So that means… wait… I’m confused she left me over one million dollars?” I felt like I was going to have a heart attack there and then. My parents were so down to earth and I’d never expect them to have this money. I understand why they didnt say anything but this is all too much for me.

“And the farm is yours too. the people that live there now have agreed to take care of the animals so instead of them paying rent they just pay utilities and look after the animals. It’s yours to do what you want with it.” My dad rested his hand on my shoulder and gave it a supportive squeeze. “I should have told you earlier but you weren’t the easiest teenager Ella.” He let out a little chuckle. It was the truth though. If I knew about the money I’d probably be spending it on clothes and partying. Now that I had Hazel my views are different.

“I’m sorry daddy, you didn’t deserve the way I treated you back then… I was..” I tried to think of the right words to describe my behaviour. Spoilt? Selfish? A bit of a bitch?

“Grieving… you didn’t just loose your mother Ella. You lost your home, your friends and your childhood… that’s a lot for a teenage girl who was glued to her mom’s hip.” His words made my heart hurt. My chest felt like it was too tight to fit my pounding heart inside.

For a long time I never thought to think that my father was also grieving. He had to be strong for me and moving back to Georgia wasn’t an easy decision.

“I suppose you’re right.. but I could have been a bit nicer. Let’s be real, I was kind of a bitch.” My dad hates when we curse but he actually laughed and shook his head. I ended up letting a laugh out of my own. It was a nice moment.

“Call Michonne, set up a meeting. There was one request that your mother made though. With the money you must buy a house. We wanted to make sure you were set for life.” Well it’s a good job I wanted to buy a house with it anyways.

I gave my father a big hug. I was so grateful to have amazing parents and seeing the sacrifices they’d made for me to have somewhat of a ‘normal’ life, was amazing. “I actually have found a house I’m planning on buying. I didn’t think I’d be able to afford it but now I can.. it’s a three bedroom, has a huge backyard with a pool, there’s a little room downstairs too that we can make into your room.”

“Ella, you’re a woman now. You have your own family, I can’t be interfering in your life… the reason Elaine was here was to discuss moving plans. I’m due to be discharged this weekend if my scans come back good.” I couldn’t believe this. He was moving back to her after what she did to me.

I’ve spent so long looking for apartments and houses that are suitable for not only me and Hazel but also my father. “So you’re moving back with Elaine.. are you seri..”

“No.” He quickly interrupted before I went off on a rant about the situation. “I’m going to be staying on the farm. Annette offered to take me in, she’s always home and can keep an eye on me incase anything happens. That way I can get back to work without rushing in.” Annette is Maggies and Beth’s mothers. She was such a lovely women and always make me feel comfortable when we came to visit. She was like a second mother to me and she still supports me to this day so I was happy that she was whiling to help my dad even when they’re divorced.

“I think that’s a good idea, plus you’ll have Maggie and Beth around to help too.” I’d still dedicate a room for my dad incase he ever decided to come and stay he had his own space.

I called the lawyer and set up a meeting for tomorrow morning. Luckily she had a cancellation. The sooner I get the money the sooner I can pay for my dream house and start my life off properly with Hazel. I didn’t care about the rest of the money. Sure, it would help. I could buy new everything for the house and still have left overs. I could probably sell the farm and never work again. However, I liked working at the bar, I met so many new people and no matter what my mood was going in there, I’d always feel happy with the people around me. Obviously, there’s some of the obnoxious assholes that come into the bar but they’re just a small minority.

As promised I grabbed panda express on the way home for girls night.

I felt like I hadn’t spoke to Negan all day. He was at practice this morning and I’ve just been so wrapped up with this inheritance thing that I hadn’t had time to call or even text him back.

I called him on the way home from panda express. I wasn’t so sure whether to tell him about the money yet or at all really. To me it wasn’t anything to brag about. I was till the same old Ella Greene. The only thing that would seem suspicious would be randomly getting the money for the house in full. One person I wouldn’t trust with this news was Shane.

Negan answered the phone within one ring which made me laugh.

“What are you laughing about?” He said with a chuckle.

“Oh just the fact that you answered so quickly. Waiting for my call smith?”

“Of course I fucking was. I miss talking to my girl.” He literally makes my heart melt. Even the sound of his voice sets the butterflies out of their cage. “How are you, sunshine?”

“I’m okay, I’m sorry I haven’t called yet… things have been… interesting.” Do I tell him over the phone or in person? “How are you, baby? How was practice today?”

“I’m good, practice was a bit rocky but we will get there… but what’s going on with you?”

“Just some things I found out today… turns out my mom was a millionaire… I got a letter today.. now that I’m 21 the inheritance she left me has been released. I get $800,000 now and then another $800,000 when I finish med school. Plus the farm back in England is mine too. I’ve got a meeting with her lawyer tomorrow.” It felt good to get that off my chest. I shouldn’t feel nervous about it but part of me feels guilty.

“Geez Ell, how do you feel about that?”

“Honestly? A little selfish, guilty almost.” I let out a little sigh as I turned into the apartment car park. I parked up and stayed there to talk to Negan. “It was my mom’s inheritance from her grandfather which she never got to spend. Dad said there’s more hence why he’s been able to pay his medical bills off and keep the farm… one of the requirements were for me to buy a house so I’m gonna call Sarah after meeting with the lawyer to pay the house off… I guess things happen at strange times.”

“Babe, if your moms left you it then there’s nothing to feel guilty about. No one forced her to do that.” He was right. I’m sure she would have helped me no matter what. But then again… if she was alive we’d probably still be in England now.

“I guess so…. I just wish she was here to see what I’m going to do with it all.”

“She would be so proud of you… talking about parents I’m so fucking nervous about meeting your dad.”

I let out a laugh, “he will love you, just maybe hold back the curse words… I hate to cut this short but I’ve just bought panda express and it’s getting cold, we’re having girls night.”

“Can I join? I’ll put a wing on?” We both laughed. Now all I could think about was Negan in a wig pretending to be a girl.

“As much as I’d love to see that, I need some time with my other girlfriend, sorryyy”

“Well, enjoy your night, see you tomorrow, sunshine.”

When I walked into the apartment, Rosita had already set up the projector in her bedroom, added some snacks and of course popcorn.

The night was perfect, we put face masks on, ate our panda express, watched sex and the city, ate junk food and gossiped all night. It was nice to have a child free boyfriend free night. We probably won’t get to do this much when the baby comes.

I felt like I hardly slept. I was tossing and turning all morning, a mix of anxiety and excitement for the meeting I was going to have with my moms lawyer. Once it reached 6am I decided to just get up for the day. A quick run to pass the time followed by a long shower, time on my hair and makeup and even managed to cook some breakfast.

Michonnes office was around 40 minutes away from King county. It was in one of the biggest skyscrapers in the state of Georgia.

I felt so out of place sitting in this luxury office. Floor to ceiling windows wrapped around the corner room, marble flooring, Velvet chairs around the desk. It was beautiful. Way too posh for me.

“So, sorry I’m late.” A beautiful tall lady with bronzed brown skin, long dread locked hair that really suited her, even with her suit on. “My last meeting ran over, crazy divorce settlement. You must be Ella.”

I stood up to greet her once she walked in. “I am, it’s nice to meet you Miss Hawthorne.”

“Michonne, please. First I want to say I’m sorry for your loss. Your mother was an amazing women. I had the pleasure of meeting her when I first started law school. Her lawyer was originally my partner but he’s retired now so her case was passed to me. Please sit and we will go over everything.”

The meeting went as good as expected. We set out a plan for the money and once I got in touch with Sarah then the funds for the house could be released. Michonne was amazing and so kind, I couldn’t have asked for a better person to be helping me with all of this.

I dropped Sarah a message letting her know that I wanted to buy the house in full before I went to pick Hazel up from Shane’s.

“You’re in a happy mood.” Shane commented as I picked Hazel up from her high chair.

“I very much am. I’ve missed you.” I said in my soft voice and kissed hazels cheeks.

Shane grabbed her things and whilst I put her into the car seat. “She’s had carrot sticks and mash for dinner. She didn’t really sleep much this morning so she’ll probably nap.”

“How did she find it?” Wed started introducing hazel to more solids lately but I’d never personally gave her carrot yet.

“She loved it. Ate the whole thing oh and strawberries after.” Shane smiled a little. “I’ll help you to the car.” He’d been extremely nice lately, helping me out more, not trying it on with me. It was almost like he was just being my friend again.

I strapped the car seat in whilst Shane put the bags in the car. “So I may have found a house… it’s perfect and only a few blocks from here.”

“Really? I guess that’s good.” Shane closed the trunk and lent against the side of the car with his arms crossed. He didn’t seem very convinced with me. Not a surprise though. He never did think I could do anything on my own.

“Yeah I’m just waiting on the realtor to get b—“

“You son of a bitch.” I was cut off by Rick storming across the lawn to where we were stood. He looked so angry, like someone had just stolen everything from him. The way he was running toward us looked he was about to take one of us or both of us out. Why was he so pissed off?

Before I could even comprehend what was happening, Shane was on the floor with Rick punching him repeatedly whilst a sobbing Lori ran out. That’s when it clicked. He knew “You son of a fucking bitch. How many times!”

“Stop! Rick please, stop.” Lori pleaded as she got closer. I gave her a little glance. She looked a mess. Heartbroken even. I almost felt sorry for her but then there was Rick. I knew exactly what he was going through.

By this point they were both throwing punches at each other. I had to do something, anything.

“Stop! Both of you. My baby is right in the car and you’re fighting like two teenagers! Whatever the issue is talk it out like adults!” I felt like my chest was on fire as I screamed the words. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, the words took everything out of me.

I didn’t think that would work but Rick got of Shane and wiped his arm across his face and looked at me, “did you know?”

My heart was pounding so much, I thought it was going to rip out of my chest. I didn’t know what to say. Do I tell him the truth? Do I lie? He knew that Shane cheated but as far as he was aware it was with Andrea.

I could see Lori in the background shaking her head, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

“Did. you. know!” Rick shouted again, pulling me out of the daze I was in.

“Y-yes.” The words came out quickly, unrehearsed. Going against what my brain wanted to say. My heart on the other hand needed to tell him everything.

Rick ran his hand through his curly wet hair. “And you didn’t think I deserved to know.” His voice still raised. Anger flooding his complexion.

Shane stood up, holding the bridge of his nose and shaking his head, “Rick it’s not her fault.”

“I’m sorry, Rick. I… I wanted to tell you… b-but..” I could feel tears building up in my eyes ones again. I could feel the pain of that night. I could see it. Hear it. My heart was broken all over again. And this time it broke for Rick too. “I didn’t want you to feel the same pain… I didn’t want to re tell the story and hurt myself again and it was selfish, I know. I’m so sorry Rick. Truly.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make Ella!” I can’t blame him for being angry with me. I would be too. He has more to loose than I did. He’s actually married to her.

“Rick… baby please let’s just talk about this.” Lori wiped her tears. Begging for Rick to calm down. It wouldn’t work. Shane said the same thing. I hated him in that moment. I wanted to be far far away from him.

“No. I’m done with this. All of you.” Rick went straight over to his car and drove off without looking back. God knows where he was going but maybe the space would be good.

Shane looked over at Lori. She was sobbing harder than before. I no longer felt sympathetic to her or Shane. It was simply karma and now they knew what I felt like.

My own tears were threatening to make an appearance but now my feelings of hurt turned to anger and regret.

“Yous should go inside. Your own homes. People are looking and it’s causing a scene.” I took a deep breath and opened my car door ready to leave but I needed to comment further. There was no holding back. “Yous can sit there and feel sorry for yourselfs but think about the people who were actually affected in this situation… I got dragged into your lies. Your infidelity and now I’ve probably lost a friend too. So yeah… you’ve made your beds. Lay in them.”

I got into the car and drove off before anyone could say anything.

I was proud of myself for speaking the truth. Even if I felt awful about the situation. Everything told me to call Rick, explain further and let him know that I’m here if he needs me. However, I was part of this mess. I technically helped cover it up and I was probably the last person he wanted to speak to right now. He needed time and I wanted to give him that.

I didn’t want this to affect my day. Everything was going smoothly until that moment. today was supposed to be a happy day. My boyfriend was going to meet my dad and we were going to enjoy every minute of it.

On the way over to Negan’s place,I tried to brush my feelings off and focus on the good things that were going to happen today.

It’s hard to remember the last time I was feeling this nervous. I don’t even think I was this nervous on my fucking wedding day.

I was up all night, tossing and turning, thinking about everything that could go wrong. I needed my sleep to function properly, especially considering I had practice before hand.

In all fairness, sleep didn’t affect my baseball skills at all, I was still hitting all the balls and doing the runs but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling it now.

When I met Lucille’s parents, I was in high school. Our parents knew each other before we started dating so I never experienced the real ‘meeting the girlfriend’s parents’ thing. Plus I was a teenage boy who didn’t give a fuck what people thought of me.

Now that I’ve actually grown up a little and found the girl of my dreams, I didn’t want to mess this up. Ella’s means so much to her. He’s her only living parent and their bond is super close. I was afraid that if he didn’t like me then she wouldn’t want to be with me anymore so I had to put on a good impression.

I’d bought out my best casual T-shirt and some jeans, styled my hair till it was perfectly in place but I had to stick with my classic leather jacket- it was my signature item.

Usually when you meet the parents you meet them over dinner and bring a bottle of wine or liquor as a gift. But the circumstances were different this time, Ella’s father was in the hospital and from what Ella has told me, he was an alcoholic so anything like that was of the line. So instead I went for plant. Not typically a ‘male’ present but it’s something that he can keep and look after. I found flowers to cliché and kind of ironic to get someone who’s in hospital. They just die in the end anyways- the flowers, not the patients, well most of them. However, when it came to my girl I’d always get her flowers, as many as she wanted, whenever she wanted, so naturally I picked her a bouquet of Lilly’s, peonies and a mix of pink and white roses from the florist. I couldn’t get her father a gift and not her.

Ella was due to pick me up at 2.30 so obviously I’d waited outside the gated community for 2.20 out of pure nerves. My hands felt sweaty, my body clammy. Time was moving so slow, I felt like i was waiting for hours.

Every few minutes I caught myself looking at my watch. Hoping the time would go faster. When it got to 2.35 the anticipation of waiting increased as well as my worries. Ella was never late, she was usually early. Maybe it’s just traffic. She will be here soon. But 2.35 quickly turned into 2.45, still no sign of Ella. As I went to call her she finally pulled up. Something seemed off.

I climbed into the passenger seat and leant over to give her a kiss. She smiled slightly against my lips, but that bright spark still wasn’t there. Maybe the flowers would cheer her up. “I got you these, couldn’t get my girls dad a gift without getting my girl some could I.” I gave her a playful wink as I handed her the bouquet so she could look at them.

“Negan… you didn’t have to do that.” She smiled at my gesture, a more genuine one this time, but the slight glint of sadness still seeped through her eyes. “They’re beautiful, I love them.” She kissed my cheek softly and held the bouquet up “could you hold them while I drive? I don’t want them to get ruined in the back seat.”

“Of course, baby. I’m glad you like them. There was so many fuckin choices I had no clue which ones to get.” I laughed nervously as I held on to the bouquet with one hand and rested the other on her thigh. She looked absolutely beautiful wearing one of them milkmaid sun dresses I loved so much. Her hair down with natural curls and a soft pink blush spread across her cheeks.

“I’m sorry I’m late… something happened when I picked Hazel up.” Ella’s smile faded as she sighed. Was it Shane? Did he try make another move on her again? I’ll kil— “Rick found out about Shane and Lori. Luckily, I had Hazel in the car before he came over and dragged Shane away. The pair of them looked a mess… Lori was sobbing, begging for them to stop and for the most part I just…” she stuttered slightly, her shoulders raised with a slight shrug. I could see how tense her body was, I wished I could just help her relax, take the pain away. “I stood there and watched… I didn’t know what to do … seeing Lori that upset actually made me feel sorry for her for a second… then the flash backs of that night hit me and I realised that this was just karma… but it still hurt seeing it unravel… I felt like I had my heart broken again. yet, this time it was breaking for Rick and I the heartbreak was guilt for not telling him when it first happened… I feel awful, Negan. Rick has supported me through so much and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that his wife and best friend slept together.”

“You did what you thought was best, babe.” I rubbed my hand gently against her leg, offering her a slight smile. “You were trying to avoid him getting hurt too. I’m sure in time he will come around. He seems like a good guy.” I’d never been cheated on before, but I’m ashamed to say that I had cheated on my late wife. A lot. And sadly, even with her best friend. The guilt engulfed me when I realised what I’d done to the women I loved and swore down I’d never ever let anyone feel like that again.

“I hope so… I’m sorry for putting a downer on the day already… how are you feeling?” She glanced toward me as she drove toward the hospital parking lot.

A nervous bubble formed in my throat. The closer we got the more nervous I was. “Honestly? I’m shitting it.” I laughed a little, “I’ve never really ‘met the father’ before…. I already knew Lucille’s parents before we started dating so it was a bit different.”

Ella’s hand wrapped around mine, bringing it up to her lips and pressing a soft kiss against it. “He’s gonna love you, just be yourself, okay?”

God shes so fucking perfect. Even when she’s got the weight of the world on her shoulders, she still finds away to make sure everyone else is okay too. “That’s what I’m afraid of, sunshine. That just me isn’t good enough for you. You deserve so much more than I can give, but I’ll try.”

“You make me happy, you make me feel safe and comfortable… comfortable enough that I’ve introduced you to my little girl and about to take you to see my father… if anything, I don’t think i deserve you.” Her thumb gently rubbed against the back of my hand as we parked up.

I wished the walk up to her father’s room was longer. The closer we got, the more nervous I felt. I just needed to get it over and done with.

His room looked somewhat of an ordinary room, minus the machines and hospital equipment that is. There were photos and home bed sheets, little aspects of his personal life. I suppose it took the scary side of hospitals away from it.

“Hi daddy.” Ella greeted her father and gave him a comforting hug. I loved that she still called him daddy, it was such a southern girl thing. “Dad, this is Negan.”

Hershel was a very well kept man. Instead of the stereotypical hospital entire, he was well dressed in black slacks, a blue shirt and suspenders. He looked relatively healthy Sat in his chair, but the monitor beside him said otherwise.

“It’s great to finally meet you, Mr Greene.” I put my hand out for a polite hand shake which he accepted. He had a firm grip, most likely a warning of some sort.

“Hershel, please. Nice to meet you Negan. My daughters told me a lot about you.”

“All good things I hope.” I laughed nervously and glanced over to Ella who was taking Hazel out of her pushchair. “Oh I erm.. I got you this, I was struggling a little bit but eh… plants show growth so I just.. i dont know.”I racked my hand through my hair nervously as I handed him the plant.

Hershel let out a raspy laugh and nodded, “thank you, that’s very thoughtful… now, tell me about yourself.”

Now this is the part where I fuck up. I don’t even know where to start, my child hood? My career? Hobbies? My mind was spiralling. I haven’t exactly had the best track record in my life. there’s still a lot that even Ella doesn’t know about me and I’d rather tell her before I tell her father.

“Well I’m originally from Virginia, moved here for work, I’m a baseball player so the team here had an opening spot and I guess I needed a change… new scenery.” I was trying so hard not to curse In front of him. It was just my nature by now and when Ella told me her dad was a very religious man and hated cursing then I knew it would be a challenge.

“what made you think you needed a change?” Rumours, the women I cheated with, constant unnecessary sympathy from people and them acting like they know every single fucking thing that went on in my life.

When Simon called me about the opportunity it was a no brainer. He’d transferred a few months before me and practically begged for my help with the team. I let him beg for a few days even though my mind was fully made up. I was going. I needed to get out of that town and away from everyone. Maybe I was running away and hiding from the shit that went down. Everyone knew me back home, not just because of my career but because of what I stupidly made myself to be, the baseball player who loved the fame and the girls that came with it even though I had a wife back home. Then when Lucille died her death was all over the papers, I couldn’t escape it and I’d wished I left sooner.

“Well there was a few things..” I took a deep breath and sat down on one of the chairs, trying to gather myself. I always got nervous talking about Lucille, that’s why it took me so long to tell Ella about her and she ended up finding out herself. It’s not that I don’t want what to talk about her, she was one of the greatest things in my life, she was the love of my life at that point. I just hated talking about her in the past tense. “Everyone knew who I was back home and yeah a lot of people know me here because of my choice in job but everyone knew me before baseball and I felt like I had to be that picture perfect guy all the time… then my wife died.”

“Negan.. you don’t have to talk about that.” Ella passed a sympathetic look my way. She knew how I felt about taking about Lucille which I really appreciated.

I shook my head slightly and gave her a half smile, “it’s okay..” I looked back to Hershel. He didn’t talk, just showed that he was listening and allowing me as much time as I needed. “I erm… find it hard talking about her… I wasn’t exactly honest with Ell at first, she found my wedding album and expected my wife to walk in and find her in my apartment.” I let a little chuckle out as I thought back to that moment. It was scary but kinda funny at the same time. Ella walked over with Hazel in her arms and took a seat next to me. Her hand grasped mine gently and she gave me one of them soft supporting smiles. “Lucille found out she had cancer a few months before she passed…. We were erm… trying for a baby at one point.” I bit the inside of my lip. I hadn’t told Ella about that yet, but some part of me felt like I needed to get everything out. Maybe it was the way that Hershel was listening to me properly, he didn’t seem to be judging me. Or maybe it was Ella’s support, the simple gesture of a hand hold. “When it wasn’t working we just said ‘now’s not the time’ but I didn’t realise how bad she wanted to be a mother, so she went to the doctors and that when we found out… it was too much.. she knew she wasn’t going to win this battle, but of course my wife was one of the most stubborn person I’ve ever met, and she decided that she wasn’t going to let the cancer take over her body. She wanted to be in control of how she went…. So one day I had a big game, I told her I’d stay home with her. But she insisted that I go.. her only request was a pint of icecream and snacks so she would watch me on tv in bed. So I did exactly that for her… then when I got home she was …” my tears burned my eyes. This was the second time I’d spoken about her death in two years. Yet the pain still remained as sharp as the day I found her. “She left a letter, and dispute it being an extremely fuc… messed up situation, she still had to add humour into it. I was sobbing and laughing at the same time.” I hadn’t realised when but out of the corner of my eye I could see Ella getting emotional. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to me so I could press a soft kiss against her head. “I moved here cause I guess I needed the escape. I told myself that when I left I’d leave my old self behind, including Lucille, so I never really talked about her again. I obviously still think about her every day, I’m sure you understand that feeling, both of you… Ella made me realise that it’s okay to talk about her and still be upset… she’s truly magical your girl is, Sir.” I gave her a smile and wiped away one of the stray tears that were falling down her cheek.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be getting emotional.” She let out a little laugh and used her free hand to wipe under her eyes. “You just never told me about the baby thing and I guess I feel silly sitting here with Hazel when essentially she was an accident.”

“Ella Jane! She wasn’t an accident, she was a gift.” Hershel spoke up causing us all to laugh as he called her out.

Ella rolled her eyes with a small smile, “you know what I mean, I just don’t even realise that there’s people out there that struggle, y’know.”

“God works in mysterious ways, he doesn’t give us challenges we’re not strong enough for, even if it is something so awful.” Hershel’s words made sense. But that didn’t mean they weren’t fucking stupid. I wouldn’t say I’m a religious man. I was raised to go to church every Sunday and belive in god but I lost my religion a long time ago. I just nodded slightly, I respected his beliefs and religion, even if I didn’t agree on everything “when Grace died, I thought my life was over, she was the glue in our family and although Ella was very attached to us both, she was so like her mother. She wanted to be exactly like her, now although all my children are girls and I grew up with 4 sisters, I still struggled with certain things…. I was terrified to be a single father of a girl” he looked over at a photo of him, a woman and a child who I presume was Grace and a young Ella. “I lost my faith in god for a while. I asked him every night, how could he be so cruel… but then I realised that he doesn’t have complete control over everything… and each and every day I still saw Grace, just through our daughter instead.” I could see from the picture that Ella and her mother looked very alike, but he probably meant through her personality. Ella was always telling me about how her mom had the biggest heart and so did she. “Are you a religious man, Negan.”

“Dad!” Ella shook her head and sighed “not everything is about religion.”

“I’m sorry, it’s awful losing your wife, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like having to raise a child too…I used to be religious, my family.. well my dad, was a very strict religious man. We’d attend church every Sunday. Say a grace before we ate..But as I got older I realised that was just for show.. because his beliefs didn’t stop the way he treated my mom or me… yet I tried to keep my faith in god, but then Lucille died and I gave up.” Another thing I hadn’t been open to Ella about was my childhood, especially my father. He was an abusive asshole. He made me hate everything about myself. I was holding on to the day where I’d finally get him back for the things he did to me and mom. I’d give him a taste of his own medicine and then leave with Lucille. But he died when I was 15, he got beat up after some guy caught him with his wife. Poor bastard ended up stumbling down some stairs and hitting his head a few hours after. I couldn’t say I was hurt by it. Karma just hit him a bit too hard. The guy that beat him up got away with assault charges only instead of manslaughter but I honestly didn’t care. Part of me wanted to thank him. Maybe it was part of gods plan all along. Didn’t stop me from being an asshole and cheating on my own wife though, I suppose it was gods wicked way of karma for me.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Hershel nodded his head slightly and shifted in his seat. “Well that was a sad start to our meeting… I feel like this is the time where I do the stereotypical father things and ask what your intentions are with my daughter.”

Ella dramatically fell back against the couch with a groan. “Can we go back to the sad stuff?” I thought a little joke to lighten the mood was needed. “I really like your daughter, Sir… from the first interaction we had I knew I needed to get to know her more. Ella has such an amazing personality, she’s so caring and I’m still learning new things about her every day that just amazes me. She really deserves the world and although I can’t give her that, I’m at least going to try and give her all of my world.”

Ella’s cheeks turned to a bright rosey red, her smile was so big, I was worried it would freeze like that.

The room was quite for longer than I wanted. Did I say something wrong. Hershel was just nodding his head slightly but not talking. Do I say more? I was about to talk again when Hazel decided that the quietness was too much and started shouting and babbling causing all 3 of us to laugh.

“I think Hazel-Grace approves of that answer, therefore I do too.” Hershel finally spoke up. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Ella stood up with Hazel and passes her over to Hershel then picked up his chart. I raised a brow in Ella’s direction and Hershel nudged me softly “this is where she becomes Dr Greene and tells me all the things that should be done so I get better.” Another raspy chuckle came from him, ending in a slight cough which immediately caught Ella’s attention, causing her to grab the glass of water for him, “I’m fine elly elephant, you don’t have to panic every time.”

“It’s my job to panic. I’m always gonna worry about you daddy…. As for your chart, it surprisingly looks really good.” She set it down and sat back next to me on the sofa.

“She’s gonna make a great doctor one day.. except i really thought she was gonna be a zoo keeper… closest thing to an elephant.” Ella had already filled me in on her favourite childhood animal. The nickname that was given to her has seemed to stick around.

Ella shook her head with a laugh, “I told you I still get teased about my elephant phase.”

“I feel like I need to stop calling you sunshine and stick with Elly Elephant now.” Sunshine was the nickname I regularly called Ella. It’s the best way to describe how she comes across.

“Sunshine?” Hershel questioned. I guess that’s one thing that Ella hadn’t mentioned yet.

I nodded with a small smile, thinking about the moment that I’d decided she would be my sunshine. “Yeah.. the second time I’d ran into Ella, she was in the car wearing PJs with suns all over, I thought it was f.. funny, and adorable. Then when we spoke more I just thought that described her perfectly. She’s like a ray of sunshine. whenever she’s around she brightens up everyone’s day… well my day at least, it’s a little cringy I know, but it works.”

Hershel smiled softly. All my nervous from earlier disappeared. It seemed to be going well and I hoped that his wasn’t a show he was putting on until I left and it turns out he actually hates me. Hazel was still sat with Hershel, laughing and playing with an interactive book that Ella had passed her earlier. She through it down and I picked it up, giving her it back with a bright smile. Hazel instantly smiled putting her arms out towards me, pulling on my heart strings already. “Toys are to be played with Miss Hazel, not to be thrown.” I laughed softly snd held onto one of her hands, giving it a little shake.

“Would you mind grabbing her Negan, my legs gone a little stiff.” Hershel tried to play it of as if it was nothing but I could see the worry in Ella’s eyes.

“Yeah of course. She can get really heavy after a while.” I tried to lighten the subject so he wouldn’t feel bad or worry Ella anymore than she was. I carefully picked her up and sat back down with her on my lap. “The other day I was holding her throughout the house tour and I thought my arms were going to drop off by the end of it.”

Hazel instantly went for the chain that was hidden under my shirt. Attached to it was mine and Lucille’s wedding bands. When we first got married we couldn’t afford much, I hadn’t yet set off in the big leagues so our rings were only cheap ones and when I got my first big pay check I replaced them. Lucille’s wish was to be buried with her original engagement ring and wedding band, the new one for me to keep so I always kept it close to me.

Beside me, Ella’s phone started ringing, when she noticed the called id her eyes widened, “I gotta take this, are you guys okay here?”

“Yeah of course, I wanna hear more about young Ella.” I gave her a playful wink before she walked over to the door.

“Oh and dad, no killing my boyfriend while I’m gone.” She added with a laugh before she walked out of the room.

The tension had definitely settled in the room, Hershel was an easy man to get along with. “I have to be honest with you Negan. You seem like a really good man.” This didn’t sound good. I could already see the pain now. The ‘you’re not good enough for my daughter’ comment. “But Ella is a very private person. She doesn’t like everyone knowing her business and with your line of work… what’s that going to look like? She was born to do something extraordinary, not be some trophy wife.” I mean, that’s not what I was expecting but I get his concern.

“We’ve actually talked about this… I totally agree with you, she’s going to be amazing at whatever she does… we’ve decided to keep our relationship away from the media until she’s ready and even when we do go public, I will still be there to support her in every way, if she wants to pursue her music career then I’ll be her biggest fan, there for as many shows as possible, I’ll keep Hazel by my side as she watches her mom share her talents with the rest of the world. If she wants to continue her medical career then I’ll help look after Hazel during her long hours, I’ll hype her up and give her as much of a pep talk as she needs, reassure her that she’s going to do everything perfectly and I’ll hold her hand and comfort her when things go wrong… I truly want this to work between us.”

I hoped that answer would give him some more reassurance. I would do anything to make this relationship work, I could really see us lasting. I was falling for her, hard and fast.

Hershel took a sip of his water and just nodded. It seemed like he was possessing what I just said and I wanted to give him time. “I respect that, Negan. And I really appreciate that you’re willing to not only take care of my daughter but also Hazel too. I just hope that you’re a man of your word.”

Hazel laid against my chest, slowly drifting asleep with my rings still in her hand. It was adorable. “I am, I promise you that, Sir. These two girls mean so much to me already.”

Shortly after, Ella walked back into the room with the biggest smile on her face. “That was Sarah… the seller accepted the offer even with me telling her I could pay the house in full… she said she was going to call me today anyways but she’s been caught up in meetings… I sign the papers tomorrow.”

Ella

After my late night walk and conversation with Dr Larson, I’d managed to actually get some sleep once I was back in the room. I couldn’t really remember falling asleep, I just remember laying down, scrolling through my phone, and that was it. When I'd woke up the next morning, Shane was already there, feeding Hazel and getting her changed. The trial couldn’t have gone better. Her oxygen levels stayed high the whole time, she was removed from the drip, and everything looked good. She was discharged but had to come back next week to see how she was getting on. The scary part was over, and I couldn’t wait to just be home with my baby girl.

Before we left the hospital, I took a trip up to see my dad, I had to explain everything that happened in a way that wouldn’t worry him so much. Luckily, he was okay, just worried about how I was coping mainly. After reassuring him that I was fine around 50 times, Hazel and I caught a cab home.

Rosita had an appointment that morning, so the apartment was empty, which, in all honesty, I was grateful for. As much as I love Rosita, I couldn’t deal with any human interactions right now. I just wanted to sit in bed with my daughter, watch movies, each junk food and sleep.

I’d texted Negan throughout the day, sending him little pictures of us snuggled in bed, he’d send me one back on the field or videos of him hitting the ball.

Then there were constant calls and texts from Shane, asking if Hazel was okay, making sure her breathing was fine. Other times, he was asking to come over and see her. I couldn’t really blame him for the worry, he’d been in that accident too, he saw her from the very beginning and didn’t get to spend the night with her, but I still needed to place some boundaries for my own sake.

The day went by pretty quickly. By 8pm, I was exhausted. Hazel had been bathed, changed, fed, and in bed. I’d managed to take a shower before I completely crashed for the night.

The next morning, I had class. I was going to put it off, but I had the big test on Thursday, and I couldn’t have probably done with the extra support.

I hated leaving Hazel after what happened, I just wanted to keep hold of her the whole time. The ride to Shane’s was nerve-wracking. I was terrified to go through every single traffic light, I hadn’t even been in the accident, but after what happened to Shane and Hazel, it caused a whole new level of anxiety.

I pulled up at Shane’s house to see him waiting on his front porch. He still looked awful. The bruises and cuts started to turn yellow as they started to heal. He came over almost immediately, helping me with Hazel's bags before I grabbed her from the car, giving her one last cuddle.

“She was fed about an hour ago, milk and a baby porridge, she’s got plenty of frozen breast milk in the bag and a few pots of homemade baby food.” I handed Hazel over to him, pouting slightly.

“She’s gonna be okay Ell, we’re gonna take a walk to the park and then come home and wait for you to come get her. No driving, no crazy activities.” Shane rubbed my arm, a small smile against his cheeks.

“Maybe i should just call in sick, you’re still hurt and she’s—“

“Ella Jane Greene, you’ve got one of the biggest tests of your life in two days. Go, I’m fine, she’s fine, you’re fine. We will see you later.” Shane was right. I couldn’t fail this test, I needed to do as much studding as I could before the exam.

“Okay… call me if you need anything, okay?” I gave him a warning look, causing him to let out a slight laugh.

He held Hazel’s hand out to wave, “say bye, Mama, see you soon.”

That really did make me smile, my heart was hurting. I knew I couldn’t stay with her all the time, I had things to do and she needed some time with her dad.

As I was driving towards campus an incoming call from Negan popped up.

“Hey sunshine, how you feeling?”

“I’m okay, just on my way to class, dropped Hazel off and felt like crying, but I know she’s safe and she’s okay, how are you? How’s practice going?”

“She will be fine baby, you need to focus on your test. As for practice, it’s fucking boring, the guys are half asleep, hungover from going to some fuckin football game last night, im the only one who’s actually putting effort in.”

“I wish I could see you now. Are you free later? Around 5?”

“With the way things are fuckin goin I’d say I’ll be here till 5am tomorrow…. But yeah, I should be. Why?”

“We’ve still not had that dinner I owe you, how about me, you and Hazel go out?”

“Sounds perfect, how’s she doing? How are you coping?

“It’s like nothing happened. She’s still that happy little baby… me on the other hand.” I let out a little sigh, “I’m still terrified. When I was driving to Shane’s I was trying to be so careful. At every light, I was triple checking everything.”

“I’m sorry, babe. Hopefully, things will get better soon.”

“Hopefully, anyways I’m just pulling into campus. I’ll pick you up at 5?”

“Sounds perfect. See you then, sunshine.”

After Negan hung up, I parked up and headed into class. Campus was pretty much empty. Most classes had already ended apart from the classes that had exams coming up. Some of my friends had already left for the summer. Some were staying on campus until the next school year.

Class seemed to drag. Going over things that we’d already had screwed in our brains. If it wasn’t for Negan’s regular texts I’d probably have fallen asleep.

‘Please save me. I’m dying here.’

‘On my way.’

‘I wish’

I let a little chuckle out as I slid my phone back into my bag so I could try and focus on the lecture.

As I was jotting down my notes when the receptionist came into the hall. “I’m sorry to interrupt Professor Jones, Ella Greenes uncle has called, there’s a family emergency, he’s waiting outside.”

Uncle? I didn’t have an—- Negan. He wasn’t lying when he said he was on his way. I didn’t expect this. However, I was grateful. I needed to get out of this class. I know I had my test in a few days, but I’d worked hard enough, and I was confident that I’d pass.

I quickly gathered my things, acting as if I was really worried and rushed out of the room towards the car park. That’s where I saw him leaning against my car. He still had his baseball uniform on which I’d never seen before. I didn’t think he could look any sexier. He had a big smile dimples out. He was like a god.

“You’re gonna get me into real trouble one of these days, Mr Smith.” I bit the inside of my lip, shaking my head as I approached him.

He let out a chuckle and wrapped his arms pulling me close to him, “you said you were dying, couldn’t fuckin let that happen now, could I, sunshine?”

My hands rubbed up and down his muscled arms. “If anyone sees us out here, they’re gonna think we’re crazy, Uncle Negan?” I laughed and rolled my eyes. He could have said anything, but uncle? I feel gross.

“I had to make it seem believable. What time have you gotta pick Hazel up?” He had a wide smirk on his face. Whatever he was up to was definitely the start of some mischief.

“3pm… why?”

He looked at his watch and raised a brow, “so we’ve got about 2 and half hours” he winked before he picked me up bridal style and rushed around to the drivers side of my car.

I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck, “negan smith! What are you doin!”

He opened the door and slid me into my seat, “get your ass to my place, I’ll follow behind you.” He gave my lips a quick kiss before he shut my door.

This man was something else. I saw him jogging over to his motorcycle and putting on his helmet.

——

On the way over, Negan respected my driving anxiety and stayed behind me the whole time. I felt like I was a celebrity being guarded by my own personal bodyguard. When we arrived at his gated apartment, we parked up and went straight out to his large balcony which had 2 sun loungers, a lovely rattan garden set with a fire place in the middle and at the end there was a huge squared hot tub.

“How did I not know you have a hot tub up here?” I let out a shocked laugh as I walked over. I’d seen the sun loungers and fire pit set up from inside, but the hot tub was hidden to the side.

“Wanna get in?” Negan sat down on one of the rattan chairs. A smirk plastered against his cheeks.

“I don’t have a swim set” I walked over, sitting down on his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.

He moved one of his arms around my waist whilst using his other arm to gently rub up and down my legs, which sent tingles through my body. “You don’t need one… we’re high enough. No one’s gonna see.” He winked as he let out a mischievous chuckle.

His apartment was on the 14th floor out of 15, so it was very unlikely that anyone would see from down below. Plus, there was no way his neighbours could see into the balcony, so it was very unlikely that anyone would see me. But I still didn’t think it was a good idea. “You don’t know that there could be people coming to spy on you with binoculars or cameras or something, crazy fans that would probably try kill me for even being near you.”

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t look Negan up or stalk his social media after I found out he was a professional baseball player. His last team won almost every game they played mainly because of Negan taking the final run for them. His social media was at 890k followers, which shocked me as he didn’t seem like the social media type of person. We’d only ever chatted through iMessage and FaceTimes, so there was no reason to exchange social media pages. So when I was looking, I avoided following him. I didn’t want to seem like some crazy stalker- even though I was definitely stalking him, just not in a creepy way. He even had his own website!

It did make me nervous seeing that side of his life. I liked keeping my life to myself. My accounts were all private, and I’d never let anyone I didn’t know follow me. I only really used it to keep in touch with my friends back home and to share updates with my friends and family about Hazel.

We hadn’t really been in any situations that involved a large public crowd yet, which is probably why he hadn’t been harassed by anyone. Actually, thinking about it, when he took me out for my birthday, there were a few people whispering and looking over to our table. I thought it was because I looked out of place, but maybe it was because I was there with Negan Smith, The Saviour baseball player.

Negan let out a laugh and rolled his eyes, “you fucking worry too much, sunshine. My apartment is in one of the safest and highest security places in King county. I’m pretty sure we’re gonna be okay. Plus I’m not that much of a big fuckin deal” pft yeah, sure.

I raised my brow, shaking my head ever so slightly, “yeah, okay. I may not know a lot about baseball, but I do know that the saviours are one of the best teams in Georgia. You having them as their new addition has caused predictions for the team to be the best in the whole country…. You are a big deal.”

Negan rolled his eyes before he hooked his arm under my leg and lifted me up so he could stand up. He placed me back on the chair and pulled his jersey over his head.

“What are you doing.” I let out an awkward laugh. Was it really hot out today? All of a sudden, I was boiling. Looking at him, shirtless, perfectly toned body but not too toned that he looked pretentious. I bit the bottom of my lip as a shock was sent straight to my core.

“Getting in the hot tub.” Negan shrugged as he slid out of his shoes and pulled down his uniform pants. I could see his bulge already appearing through his grey boxers.

There it was again, another shock to my aching core. A knot coiled in my stomach as he pulled off his socks and eventually his boxers. His semi erect cock bounced freely. I tried to avoid looking at it. How was a man this confident interested in me? Yeah, sure, I had confidence when it came to singing, but anything to do with my body, I was terrified.

“See sunshine, no one can see anything… I mean, apart from you, but I want you to see.” He winked before making his way to the hot tub and climbing in. “This is really nice, you should join me.”

“Your ego is too big, Mr Smith.” I lent back in the chair, a slight smirk on my face.

“Hmm I love it when you call me Mr. smith.” His tongue dragged along his bottom lip. That was one of the things that drove me crazy. I don’t know how, but it made him even more attractive.

I was so turned on by him and maybe the water would be a good thing to hide how wet I was right now. Or maybe I’d get in and just jump his bones.

“You are diabolical.” I stood up and walked over to the hot tub, leaning myself against the side of it.

“Oh baby, you’ve seen nothing yet.” Negan pushed the water towards me, and before I could shield myself, my dress was covered in water. “Oops, I guess you’re gonna have to leave that in the sun to dry.” He said with a chuckle.

“Negan smith! Tha.. that.. why would you do that” I pouted, which eventually turned into a little laugh and smile. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

I took a deep breath before I stood in front of the hot tub and slowly pulled the spaghetti straps down my shoulders. If he wants to play games, I’ll play one just as badly.

He bit down on his bottom lip as I slowly started to pull the dress down, revealing the white laced bra I had on. I let the dress pool around my feet once it got past the matching lace panties I had one. I stepped out of the dress and turned around so my back was to him, slowly bending down giving him a full view of my ass as I picked up the dress and walked over to one of the chairs to lay my dress on.

Once I was back in front of the hot tub I unclipped my bra and let it slide down my arms. My nipples were already beaded into hard aching points, begging to be touched my someone- by Negan.

We hadn’t taken our eyes off each other the whole time. As much as I wanted to get in that hot tub and let him do unthinkable things to me, I also wanted to tease him for wetting my favourite dress. Sure, it was petty, but a little fun didn’t kill anybody.

After my underwear joined my bra on the floor, I slowly walked up the hot tub steps. Who the hell was I? Where did this confidence come from? Not only did I just put on a sexy strip show for a guy who technically wasn’t even my boyfriend yet, I’m also standing outdoors, fully exposed showing my biggest insecurities- my stomach and stretch marks. Maybe it was the way Negan made me feel so comfortable, the memories of his soft lips against my skin, tracing the delicate markings on my lower abdomen and calling them beautiful. He made me feel so comfortable.

The water around me felt amazing. However, it did not solve my problem. I was even more wet than ever. Obviously, because I was surrounded by water but I needed some sort of friction or touch. And I needed it now.

“That was quite the show there.” He still had that smirk plastered on his face and the ‘I wanna fuck you eyes’ at full beam.

“Show? I don’t know what you’re on about, Mr smith.” I was gonna tease him as much as I could with this. My leg accidentally brushed up against his, I instantly pulled back and rested against the edge of the hot tub. I couldn't give him any sarastaction.

Negan dragged his hand over his face as a deep laugh fell from his lips. "Ella Jane Greene, you're going to be the death of me, I hope you know that."

" Well, we can't have that now, can we?" I couldn't believe how confident he made me. I didn't even reconise myself anymore. But I liked this new side of me. I started to feel like my old self again. Fun, adventurous Ella. Not the girl that was afraid to disappoint my partner because if I did, then a screaming match would commence.

Negan's hand settled on my thigh, just above my knee, not daring to go any further. That's one of the things that i liked about him. I knew he wanted to fuck me. I could see it in his eyes and smirk. Yet he still didn't push. He wanted to make sure I was comfortable. "You really are something else, sunshine. I haven't be this happy or excited tobe around someone Ina really fucking long time. You have no idea what you do to me, Ella" You have no idea what you do to me.

I scooted closer to him. swingmy legs across his lap and Setting my arms around his neck forextra Support. " You make me feel different, Negan. Stronger, confident. if you hadn't come into the bar that night, I would have probably still been at shanes, putting up with whatever he or manipulation tactic he came up with next."

He brushed a stray hair from my face before he pressed a soft, delicate kiss against my lips. Our heads rested against each other for a while. looking at each other, peacefully enjoying eachothers company in silence.

I couldn’t keep it up any longer, his naked body so close to mine yet so far away. I needed him now. I gave into him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he pulled my waist towards him. Our lips crashing together, both fighting for dominance. Our naked forms pressed against each other. I could feel his now fully hardened cock against me, my pussy brushing right along him causing a moan to slip against his lips.

His hands settled onto my ass, gripping and spreading me apart ever so slightly. I could feel the tip of his cock teasing my entrance. His lips kissing down my neck only made my hips move for more friction.

“Negan… I need you inside me…please.” My hands were fully wrapped in his hair, tugging away with every spark that hit my sensitive clit.

“Slide it in, baby girl.” He didn’t have to tell me twice. I kept one hand on the back of his neck for support and used my other hand to guide his cock into my tight pussy. I let out a whimper as I slowly sank down onto his cock until I reached some sort of resistance.

The water helped to loosen me up, but I still struggled to accommodate his size. His hands gripped my hips, helping me with my movements as I bounced up and down, slowly to start.

“Fuck baby, your pussy is so tight for me… such a good fucking girl” I loved the way Negan praised me during sex, it only encourages me to want more and helps build up my orgasm even more.

“Negan… fuck…”I moaned out as I picked up the pace slightly more. The sound of our moans and water splashing caused a slight echo. I rested my head against the crook in his neck to try and quiet my moans and whimpers against the kisses I was planting against his neck.

Negan kept one hand around my waist, and the other tugged my head back, my back arching more. The knot building in my stomach was about to explode. “Fucking amazing baby, I wanna hear my pretty girl moan my name, don’t hide it.”

At this point, I didn’t care who heard. This level of horny was something else. It felt so dirty but so good at the same time. The fear of people seeing us or hearing us turned into excitement. “I’m gonna … fuck… please don’t stop”

He let go of my hair and used his free hand to grip onto my aching nipples, squeezing them hard causing my pussy to clasp around him. His speed increased more as I hit my first orgasm, screaming out my moans. “Let it all go baby, fuck… you were made for me. This pussy, these tits, mine. The only name you’ll ever moan is fucking mine and I’ll make sure everyone knows it.”

I was about to come again just from his words. His movements slowed as I gathered myself together, he knew exactly how to prepare me for another orgasm. “All yours Negan.. fuck.”

“Bend over. Now.” Oh I loved when he took charge. I carefully climbed of him, holding onto the edge for support before I bent over the side. My knees on the seat, my body hanging over the side slightly and ass hovering just above the water. He stood up behind me, gripping onto my ass, gently squeezing them. “So fucking precious.” Without warning his cock slammed into me, I let out an involuntary scream at the roughness of his thrusts. His grunts filled my body, my orgasm already about to explode. I could feel the water flashing everywhere, all over my back and even seaping out of the sides. I couldn’t help but moan louder.

Negan wrapped his arm around my neck, pulling my back against him. Once I was upright, his arm moved to support my waist while the other hand clamped around my mouth, my moans now muffled and quitter “as much as I like hearing your screams I don’t want any other fucking man jerking of to you… is this what you like? Being fucked like a filthy little slut on my balcony?” Fuck. If it was anyone else calling me a slut I would have smacked the shit out of them but there’s something in the possessive that Negan brings that makes me want to give him every last bit of me. His hand moves down to my neck, grasping his slightly. “Answer me.”

“Yes… I like it Negan…” I could feel his hard cock throbbing inside of me. My pussy was about to come once again.

“Come for me baby, I’m about to … fuck… oh fuck, yes baby you’re so fucking tight.” He didn’t even finish before my orgasm hit, my body shaking slightly. If it wasn’t for him holding me up I would have probably collapsed.

He thrusted into me a few more times, pulling all the way out abd roughly back in before he filled me with his hot cum, painting my walls.

He kept his arms around me for a while as we both over came our orgasms. He pressed soft kisses against my shoulder as he slowly pulled from my body and sat down on the step.

“Come here baby.” He opened his arms up for me.

I turned around to face him, now feeling all shy for some reason. I loved how caring he was after sex. I loved how caring he was over all but this just proved he’s not just in it for the sex.

I bit the inside of my lip and sat down on his lap, my legs swinging to the side and head resting against his shoulder. He pressed a kiss against my head as he held me in his arms.

“Well I’m gonna have to change the water in here.” We both laughed. I rolled my eyes slightly and looked up to him, running my fingers through his messy hair.

“That’s probably a good idea…Speaking off… maybe we should get out and start getting changed.” As much as I wanted to stay in here, I knew it wasn’t long before I had to pick Hazel up and I did not want to piss Shane off, not today when I’ve had such an amazing day.

Negan

Wow. She really doesn't see what she does to me. Ella is the first girl since lucille that i've actually fucked and wanted to stay cuddled up to and look after. I wanted to give Ella everything and more. Maybe it was for my own selfish reasons of wanting to change and be a better man. But she makes me feel vulnerable, shows me that it is okay to express my feelings, and gives me her time and patience. I don’t know what I did for me to find a girl like her, but I promise myself - and her - that I won't mess this up. No lies or infidelity, no late nights after a big game unless she was by my side. No going to a bar after a silly argument. I wanted this to work more than I've ever wanted anything. So,to do that, I needed to make things official. Maybe It was too soon, but I knew how I felt about her, and I wasn't going to let her slip through my fingers. Although we both knew we belonged to each other, I wanted everyone around us to know.

After we'd changed, we spent some time enjoying the sun on my balcony. I'd drained the hot tub and started to refill it for next rime. Now that she knew I had one, She would most likely bring her swimsuit over just in case, so no more naked hot tub moments.

We had about 10 minutes before we had to leave to pick Hazel up from shanes. Although We had planned to go for dinner around 5pm, I actually needed to change them plans slightly. When Ella told me about her troubles finding a place for her and Hazel to live, I reached out to my friend Simon, whose wife works in real estate. He's the one who helped me get this apartment when I joined the team. He'd mentioned that his wife had an open house today at a 3 bed property, which was situated in a nice neighbourhood with a daycare and school down the block. I'd managed to convince Simon to book us onto a private show around with his wife, considering my friendly advice at Ella's birthday party worked. Turns out the day after he'd taken her out for dinner, appologised, and they spoke about their issues, which led to them deciding to talk more and work on the problems instead of lashing out at each other. Something that I'd wish I'd have done with Lucille to be a better husband.

I glanced over to Ella, watching her as She admired the view, the sunlight beaming against her skin. "So, I actually have a little surprise for you before we go to dinner."

Her head turned to face me. A soft smile painted on her face, " A surprise? what more can you surprise me with, Negan? I'm still trying to make up for the things you bought me." She let out a soft laugh with a role of her eyes.

"And you will... After your surprise." I looked down at my watch and let out a little sigh. “We should get going.” I stood up and held my hands out for her. She stood up, taking my hands, and I immediately pulled her close to my chest and pressed a long lingering kiss against her lips.

“Kiss me like that again, and we won’t be able to leave.” Ella smirked and wrapped her arms around my neck. I moved my arms under her legs and lifted her up.

“Let’s get a move on then.” I smirked. She let out another laugh, holding tight onto me as I carried her through the apartment, using one hand to keep her up and used the other to grab my things.

“What is your obsession with carrying me.” If I could, I would carry her everywhere, just to have her close to me. It may sound silly, but the little things like this just make it exciting. She seems to laugh and smile at every little gesture, and if I can keep that smile on her face at all times, then I would do anything.

“That smile you give me whenever I do it.” I carried her all the way to her car, sliding her into the driving seat and even putting her seat belt on for her while she was giggling and rolling her eyes. Once she was in, I climbed into the passenger seat, resting my hand on her thigh as we set off.

I was actually surprised to see how close Shane actually lived from me. It was less than a 10 minute drive from my apartment. I stayed in the car whilst Ella went to get Hazel, dispute my attempt of friendliness towards Shane, we were far from buddies. I tried to keep the peace at the hospital for the sake of Ella and even Hazel. I hated seeing Ella so upset. She needed all the support she could get in that moment, and I was glad that she trusted me that much that she wanted me to stay with her. If she had asked me to leave, I would have out of respect, even if I didn’t want to. I knew I had to try and be civil with Shane. He was always going to be in Ella’s life. He was the father of her child. I didn’t want to get involved unless she wanted me too so it was probably best for me to stay at arms length for now. From what I’ve heard, Shane can be very unpredictable, and his ‘civil’ attitude towards me could easily turn hostile if he thinks I’m a threat to him.

In a way, I understand him. His ex-girlfriend, mother of his child, is moving on with a man he doesn’t know. I’m going to be spending time with his daughter, which is probably gonna raise some concerns for him. Of course, he wouldn’t want another man around his daughter. But I’m not her father, and I’ll never take that role way from him.

Once Ella came back to the car, I got out to help her with the pushchair and bags whilst she put Hazel into the car.

“Do you want me to drive to the surprise?” I closed the trunk after placing the last bag in and made my way over to Ella.

“I erm… I trust you, I do… I just…” Ella sighed and looked down, I could see the sad, anxious expression on her face. The way her lips pouted slightly and brows dropped. The poor girl was still fucking terrified to let anyone drive while Hazel was in the car and I really couldn’t blame her. I could see how nervous she was driving on the way over here with just us two in the car, never mind Hazel too. I didn’t realise how much this situation has impacted her and she wasn’t even in the accident. “I don’t really trust other drivers around us… especially with Hazel.. I know it’s silly, I wasn’t even in the accident, I shouldn’t be acting this stupid, I’m sorry, maybe you should..”

“Ella, breathe.” I interrupted her before she rambled on anymore. I cupped her face in my hands, forcing her to look up at me. Her big hazel eyes looked lost. I didn’t want to see her like this. “It’s not silly, you’re not fucking stupid, you may not have been in that car but you had to see your baby hooked up to machines and undergo tests to see if she was okay. Not only that, you had trauma from when your mom died. I think I’d be more concerned if you were acting normal.” I let out a slight chuckle and kissed her forehead. “It takes time to heal and if you’re not fucking ready to trust other people to drive than that’s okay. You got that?”

The corner of her lips tugged up slightly into a soft smile. She nodded and held her hand against mine, “I think maybe if it was just us two, then I’d be okay.. but with Hazel… i don’t know, I feel like I need to be in control, hold some accountability for not keeping her safe.”

That broke my heart. It wasn’t her fault that some asshole decided to get drunk in the middle of the day and drive through a red light. She would have no control over that. “You’re her mom, she’s always safe with you. Come on, we don’t wanna be late.”

On the drive over, Ella wouldn’t stop asking me questions about where we’re going or what we were doing. I’d just put the location into the GPS and didn’t give her much of an answer to what we’re doing.

I couldn’t wait for her to see the house. From the photos I’d seen online, it was the perfect family home and the price wasn’t too bad for a 3 bed in that area.

Once she pulled up at the address, she looked at me extremely confused. I let out a little chuckle before taking my seatbelt off. “Come on, sunshine.”

“I’m so confused right now” Ella took off her seatbelt and slowly got out the car. “Is this the place where you’re gonna murder me?”

“Geez, Ell. Love the fuckin faith you’ve got in me.” I laugh and rolled my eyes as she carefully picked Hazel up from the car seat.

“Well you take me to some random house without any explanation.” Touché. I really hope she likes the house. I hope she doesn’t think I’m over stepping. “Does she need her pram?”

“If you like, or you can just carry her. We shouldn’t be too long.” We walked over to the house, hand in hand. I admired the way Ella looked around the house, she looked beautiful, even with that little confused look that she had.

Once we stopped at the door, I gave it a little knock, waiting for Sarah-Simon’s wife- to open the door.

“Negan, whose house is this? What are we doing?” Ella pouted slightly as she looked at me, holding Hazel on her hip.

I moved a stray piece of hair behind her ear and rubbed her cheek gently, “well, when you mentioned you need a new place, I got in touch with Simon, his Wife, Sarah, works in real estate and I asked him to get you an appointment with her. He fucking owes me for being an ass the other day.”

Ella smiled and shook her head softly, “you didn’t have to do this.”

The door opened before I could reply. “Negan! Hi, and you must be Ella, and who is this little one.” Sarah smiled at Hazel and held onto one of her little hands. Sarah was in her late thirties, blonde, skinny, and way too good looking for Simon and too nice as well.

“This is Hazel-Grace” Ella smiled and looked from her daughter to Sarah.

“Well hello Miss Hazel-Grace.” Sarah spoke in a soft voice before she straightened up and stepped to the side. “Im Sarah. Come in, come in.”

We walked in, and Sarah started the tour. The entrance was quite big. It had space for a shoe holder or coat rack plus some decorative items, then in the middle laid the stairs. On the left side, there was the main family room, a large fireplace with space for a TV. The walls were all white, but I knew that Ella would find some way to decorate it. To the right of the family room was a huge open plan kitchen, a big island in the middle, marble tops with black and white tiles, huge patio doors that caused the room to flood with light. On the other side of the kitchen was another room which could either be another family room, a big dining room or even converted into another bedroom. The room leads back into the entrance. Upstairs to the left was the first two double bedrooms with built-in closets. One room was painted white and baby pink, the other was a sage green colour. Next to the bedrooms was a huge bathroom, a separate shower, and a bathtub with a big vanity. At the end of the other side was the master bedroom, which had a balcony, its own walk-in closet, and bathroom with a double sink and bathtub.

Halfway through the tour Ella’s arms were hurting from carrying Hazel, so I ended up taking over. She was such a happy little baby, smiling and babbling around. I’d like to think she was saying she liked the house.

After the tour, we sat outside on the deck that overlooked the pool. I could see how much Ella loved this place by the gleaming smile on her face, but her eyes still held some doubt in them.

“So, what do you think, Ella? Do you love it, or do you love it?” Sarah gave her an enthusiastic smile and wink. “Great area for schools, low crime rate, bills are quite low for the area. There’s even a neighbourhood watch team, too.”

“I love it, I really do.. but..” Just as I was expecting, the but. “I really don’t think I’d be able to afford this place. I doubt I’d afford to rent it, never mind buy.” I hated that Ella had to worry so much about finances. She had so much going on and deserved a good home.

“Well.. the asking price is $450,000, 15% for a down payment, which would be $67500. The sellers aren’t really leaning towards renting.” Sarah looks through her files. The price was actually quite good for a house like this but I also knew it was a lot of money, especially for someone with a child who’s also working and studying.

Ella’s smile faded into a half fake smile. I could see through her and could tell how disappointed she was.

“Would the sellers consider anything lower?” I suggested. Even if they lowered it by $50,000 it’s better than nothing. “I mean, I saw a couple of faults through the tour.. I'm just saying?” I didn’t. The house was almost immaculate, but that doesn't mean that there could accidentally be a few problems coming up.

Sarah raised her brow to me and shook her head. She knew me too well and could tell that I’d do anything for Ella. She took a deep breath and closed the folder. “Look, I can tell you really like this place, Ella, and yes, it’s a lot of money and probably out of your budget, but.. the house has been on the market for a few months now, when people found out about the sellers constant divorces they started thinking the house was bad luck or something… I can ask them to lower the price to $400,000 with a 5% deposit but I can’t make any promises. How does that sound?”

Even with a 5% deposit that’s still $20,000. Ella had mentioned she had savings, but that’s a lot. Part of me wanted to just pay for it for her or at least let her move into my place, but considering we’ve only known each other a few weeks that’s probably a bit much.

“If the seller agrees then… yes… I’ll figure that out. I’ve got savings, I’m getting a bit of extra income from the band… that would be amazing, Sarah.” Ella smiled and looked over to me and Hazel.

“Great, I’ll give the seller a call tonight, and I’ll get back to you.” Sarah and Ella spent some time chatting and getting all her details whilst I took Hazel on a little walk around the garden.

“This could be your new home, Little Miss.” I spoke to Hazel as I held her in my arms. She kept playing with my chain and tried to put it in her mouth constantly. She was such a beautiful baby. The image of Ella just with Shane’s dark eyes. “I think you and your mama would be very happy here, and hey, maybe you could get a dog, gardens fuckin huge, big enough for a tree house, climbing frame and a dog. I would have fucking loved a house like this growing up.”

“If you keep talking like that around her I’m pretty sure her first word will be the F word.” Ella spoke from behind me with a small laugh, I turned around to face her, my own smile gleaming. “But I think you’re right. We would be very happy here.”

I adjusted Hazel on my hip and wrapped my spare arm around Ella’s shoulders, “yeah I should maybe cut down with the F bomb shouldn’t I?”

“That may be a good idea.” Ella giggled and leaned into my touch. “Now can I finally take you for that dinner I owe you?” Her head tilted up, her lips slightly pouting, eyes wide.

“Let’s go, Sunshine.” I winked and pressed a kiss against her temple as we walked to the car.

Ella seemed a lot more relaxed as we drove to the restaurant. She had the radio on and sang along so the music. She wasn’t as nervous when we stopped at the lights, which was a good sign.

The restaurant was a small family owned Mexican restaurant that had a small outdoor dining area with a little part for the kids to play. We’d settled down, and Hazel was wide awake sitting in one of the high chairs. I loved seeing the interaction between Ella and Hazel. She was such a great mom, always making sure she was safe and happy, playing and singing to her.

We’d decided to order a platter that came with tacos, enchiladas, loaded nachos, and Mexican rice with all the sides to add. We’d ordered a portion of fries, which Hazel was happily chomping on.

“What did you think of the food?” Ella asks once we finished eating. She had sauce around her cheek, which made me laugh. She raised her brow and looked at me with that cute little confused expression, “what’s so funny?”

I roll my eyes playfully and grab a napkin, gently rubbing the sauce from her cheek, “I’m pretty sure the sauce is supposed to go in your mouth, not on your cheek”

“Oh” the blush to her cheeks came almost instantly. She bit down on her bottom lip and laughed a little.

“But yeah, the food was fuc— really nice.” I laughed a little as I quickly tried to stop my swearing around Hazel.

“See, I know all the best food places round here.” Ella shrugs with a smirk plastered on her face. That was true though, she had taken me to three different restaurants now, and they were all amazing. But honestly? My favourite has to be the diner. Maybe that’s because of how close Ella was with Pat and how it kind of felt like a family in there.

“You do indeed… so, I have something to ask you.” I couldn’t wait any longer. Maybe this wasn’t the most romantic way to ask Ella to officially be my girlfriend, but she just makes everything so special, and having Hazel here seems like the perfect moment.

Ella leans forward and rests her chin on her hand with a very curious smirk on her face. “Go on, I’m all ears.”

I let out a little chuckle and took a breath before I asked, “well I like you, and I fucking know you like me.” I giver her a little wink as she roles her eyes shaking her head slightly. “And well… I don’t wanna share you…. Apart from with little miss here that is, but you Ella Jane Greene, you’ve honestly made moving here worth it. I smile every time I hear my phone beep thinking it’s you, I get excited when I finally get to see you… what I’m trying to say is.. I want you all the time… well not all the time but —- you get the point.” I laugh nervously and stretch my arm to the back of my neck, “I guess I’m asking if you wanna make this thing between us official?” I shrug a little.

Ella bites down on her bottom lip with a big smile, “are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Negan smith?”

“I guess I should have just came out and said that huh?” I laughed a little, my tongue scraping against my bottom lip.

Notes - this is a very sensitive part. If you have any triggers regarding accidents and children involved in them, then you may want to Skip Ella's half of this part. I will say it's nothing awful but can be very sad. I've tried to do as much research as I could regarding the medical aspect, so it may not be very accurate, but I tried. I'm also british, so I'm trying to learn certain things about the way the USA works academically and medically. The timelines may not all up. in the UK School finishes for summer mid July till September So I have based it of that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this part, and if you have any suggestions or notes, feel free to comment or drop me a message. if you enjoy this series, please repost and share with friends.

Negan

“You’re married?”

“Yes..” my secret was out. This isn’t the way I wanted to tell her about Lucille. I didn’t actually want to tell her for a long time but I’d been caught out.

Fuck. Why did I tell her to make herself at home. Of course, she was going to take her curious little self and look through my shit. Who wouldn’t? I would have probably done the same. But I doubt I’d ever find an album of her wedding. The most I’d probably find would be photos from her pregnancy and birth. Yet she was honest about everything to me. I knew about her family, her father being sick, her mother’s accident, and her relationship with Shane. I knew almost everything and I was too scared to tell her anything about me.

I didn’t exactly have the best family life. I cheated on my wife constantly and only stopped and started to be a better husband because she was fucking dying. I was ashamed of my past life. Not of Lucille though. She was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I loved that woman so fucking much but I was just scared to commit back then.

My history wasn’t exactly the best thing to admit to the girl I’m trying to date.

“Well no.” I quickly added. “Kinda.” My hand reached over to the back of my neck awkwardly.

She wouldn’t even look at me. She just stared at the photo of Lucille. I could see the tear that trickled down the side of her cheek.

Please don’t cry sunshine, not for me.

“Look I’ll explain everything. It’s not what I looks like. I promise you, baby.” I took a seat next to her and closed the album that rested on her lap. I placed it on the coffee table and tried to reach for her hand, but she was quick to pull away from my touch like I was some kind of burning flame.

“How can you kind of be married, Negan?” She quickly brushed the tears away from her eyes. I could see the tough front she was trying to put up. “God, I’m so fucking stupid.” She mumbled the words but to me it sounded like they were blasting through a megaphone.

“I was married… I don’t kno-.. I’m a widower, Ella. My wife, Lucille, She died 3 years ago.” Part of me felt like a weight was lifted of my shoulders, the other part was crushing my chest. I told myself that this was a fresh start. No more living in the past, no more making myself suffer. No more Lucille thoughts trapping my brain. Obviously I’d always think about her. I will always love her and hold her in my heart, but I couldn’t let her death hang over my head anymore.

Ella looked at me for the first time since I walked in. Tears puddled in her eyes. She was so fucking beautiful. Even with the sad expression painted on her face. “What.. what happened?” Her voice cracked slightly, but there was something so soothing and calm to it.

I gulped down, my Adam’s apple bopping. I don’t think I’ve openly told anyone about her death since the therapist I saw a few months after it happened. “Cancer, pancreatic… we found out quite late. There wasn't really much hope” I took a deep breath before I continued “she tried to fight… fuck she was one of the strongest women I knew… but she knew… she knew that eventually the cancer would win. The effects of chemo were doing more harm than good.” My own eyes were building up with fluid. Threatening to explode like a fucking river. I told myself I wouldn’t cry over this anymore. She wouldn’t like that. Sure, she’d probably want me to be celibate for the rest of my life and never touch another woman, but she wouldn’t want me to live my life mourning over her.

“I had a big game one night. I told her I’d sit out of it and be with her, but she insisted. She said she wanted to sit in bed, watch the game live on tv, and eat whatever she could… so I went. I played and we won.” My body portrayed me. My tears fell down the sides of my cheeks. “When I came home, I was so excited to see my girl… that’s when I found her. The tv on with the sports channel playing, Pills spread all over the floor, a letter on the side.” My voice cracked as I retraced the memory of that night. “She told me she loved me and that she wouldn’t fight anymore. She wanted to choose the way she went. She wanted to have control over her body instead of her body having control over her”

Ella’s hand wrapped around mine, giving me a supportive squeeze. She hadn’t taken her eyes from me since I confessed that Lucille was gone.

“Negan… I’m so, so sorry.” I could hear her gulp. There was no doubt that she was nervous. I could see the tension in her movements. She shouldn’t feel that way. I don’t deserve her sympathy or anyone else’s.

“It’s not your fault, sunshine. You know what it’s like to lose someone. You lost your mom, thats worse than losing a partner. You’ll only ever have one mom.” It was true. As much as I hate to think about it, I could always get another wife. She’d never have another mom.

Her hand moved to the side of my face, gently sweeping her thumb under my eyes, collecting my fallen tears. “Losing my mum was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But I didn’t find her… that… That's something I could never imagine… so yeah, I’m sorry…. And I’m sorry for snooping and not trusting you.”

“Hey, I said make yourself at home. You did just that.” I let out a little laugh to break the ice. My hand curled around hers, bringing it to my lips and pressing a soft kiss against it. “After your history with shitty men, I don’t blame you for not fuckin trusting me. I wouldn’t have either. But, I do promise. I’ll never lie to you… You can ask me anything you want, and I’ll tell you.”

Her perfect smile appeared again, blending perfectly with the sun slight beaming against her face. see, a fucking ray of sunshine she is. “I do have one question, why does your home look so fucking clean. It’s like an ikea show room.” Her laugh sent tingles through my body. She instantly made me feel better.

“Honestly? I just don’t spend a lot of time around here. I don’t plan on living here forever. I want a house suitable for kids, a garden with a pool. That’s the house I’d be making my own. Not some high-end apartment.” My apartment was always just a temporary place. I was at the point in my life where I wanted to settle down, have a family, somewhere to call my forever home. It only made sense, considering I’ve already been married.

“Yeah I get that, I can’t wait to finally find a place for me and Hazel.” She swung her legs over mine and rested her head against the edge of the couch. The way she acted so normal around me, It just further showed how normal she was. She didn’t care about my money or fame. She just wanted to be loved how she deserved to be. “I’ve never had a place to call my own. I wanted to find a place when I was pregnant, but Shane just insisted we lived at his place… it was a decent sized home, 3 bed, 2 bath, a big yard. But when I moved in, I had to change the walls. They were all white, with no personal belongings and no photos. Now that really did feel like a show home… but even after I changed it, it still didn’t feel like my home. Now I’m with Rosita and Siddiq that’s not my home either, and soon they’re gonna have the baby.”

I really wished I could help that problem. I wish I could wrap her up and keep her with me forever. Buy her the dream home. It may be a crazy thought. But she dragged me in so hard that I wanted to do everything for her.

She was perfect, a delicate flower that deserved the world and more. She probably… no, she did deserve better than me. But I needed her. I needed to be the man to give her everything.

I rubbed her leg gently, her soft silk skin against my rough Palms. “What about where you lived with your dad? Does he have a place you can stay?”

Ella let out a dramatic laugh. Definitely sarcastic that didn’t sound good. “We lived with my aunty, my dad’s sister… she is literally the biggest bitch I’ve ever met… when I got with Shane, she didn’t agree with it, then when I got pregnant, all hell broke loose. My dad was tough, he was upset, but in the end, he supported me. Elain on the other hand, she kicked me out when I said I wouldn’t get an abortion…I haven’t spoken to her since… I suppose that’s why when I move, I want to make sure there’s a room for my dad.”

“I’m really sorry, El, that… that must have been hard.” What could I say that would help her? Maybe I should help her find a new place. I had a few friends in real estate, one that got me this apartment, actually. I’ll find a time to message him and see if he there’s any openings for a house.

I saw her eyes drifting over to the bags I’d bought in. After I woke up this morning i realised that she had no spare clothes, so I did the most forbidden thing to do as a man. I checked her dress and shoe size. I grabbed a cab to the bar so I could get the car and went to the mall to grab her some things, some underwear, socks, leggings, an oversized sweatshirt and vest top, along with some toiletries for her. On the way out I grabbed some ingredients for pancakes.

“What’s in the bag?” Curiosity filled Ella’s eyes once she looked back up at me.

“Well..” I moved her legs from my lap so I could stand up, then made my way over to the coffee table to grab the first bag. “I figured I couldn’t have you leaving my place in your dress from last night, so I went to the mall and picked an outfit up for you.” I pulled the beige coloured sports leggings out first.

“How did you even know my size.” She sat up and let out a little laugh.

“Don’t fuckin kill me… but I looked at the tag in your dress.” I let out a nervous laugh and grabbed the underwear and vest top out. “Underwear, a vest and…” I pulled out the brown oversized sweater for her “sweater. Is that okay?”

“That’s perfect, thank you… maybe you should become a personal shopper.” I hoped she wasn’t just saying that because she felt like she had too.

“Well I won’t lie, I did have to ask the shop assistant for help. She recommended a comfortable outfit and said to get the sweater a size up so it was comfortable.”

“She? Well, I suppose the outfit is okay.” Her shoulders lifted with a slight shrug. The sense of jealousy in her tone sent tingles through my body.

“Yes She. Why? Are you jealous, sunshine?

“Pft, no.” She scoffed and rolled her eyes in denial. The blush of her cheeks were illuminating against her high cheek bones.

I couldn’t help but smirk. 2 weeks, one sex session, and she was already getting possessive. But,so was I. “Don’t worry, I told her I was shopping for an amazing girl who I finally managed to take out and she needed a new outfit.” The blush in her cheeks increased. God, she was beautiful.

I grabbed the other bag and pulled out a bottle of shampoo, conditioner, shower gel and deodorant. “Oh and then I got you some toiletries… and, yes I stood there for about 10 minutes smelling the individual bottles so I could decide.”

She laughed and shook her head, “negan smith, you are too much… i genuinely can’t believe you’ve done all this.”

“ I forget the best thing… Now I thought these would be your style, and if not, I can go return them and grab you some new ones. The outfit wouldn’t be complete without..” I pulled the shoe box out of the bag and pulled the lid off to show her. I once again looked at her heels for her shoe size. “New shoes. So, what do you think?”

“New balances! Are you serious? I love them, but Negan… they’re like $100!” She stood up and looked over at the shoes. Actually, they were $130, but it was worth it to see the look on her face. Money was irrelevant when it came to her. I had plenty of it, and giving was my love language. “I promise, I’ll pay you back for all of this.. you really didn’t have to do this.”

“Like fuck you will. I just wanted to make sure you had everything to start the day. Now I don’t do makeup shopping so I’m afraid that natural beauty is gonna have to stay today… plus you can leave the toiletries here for next time.” She took the box from my hand and placed it on the table before wrapping her arms around my neck and standing on her tiptoes to press a little kiss on my lips.

I could just melt into her lips right now. The slight scent of her perfume still lingered on her skin.

“Thank you, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. But I need to repay you somehow… how about I take you for dinner before I pick Hazel up?”

“I actually bought ingredients for pancakes… but I’ll hold you to that dinner. How about you shower and change and I’ll make us breakfast?” I pulled her body closer to me so I could have as much time with her as I could.

“Sounds good.” I pressed another kiss against her lips and loosened my arms from her waist.

“Don’t miss me too much.” She winked as she walked towards the bathroom with her new things.

I took a deep breath and picked up my wedding album that sat on the coffee table. I flicked to the photo of Lucille in her dress, running my fingers over the edge of it. As much as it killed me to move on, I needed to think about my future and my own feelings. Things with Ella felt right. She was beautiful, kind and had some fire in her, just like Lucille. In another life I think that Lucille and Ella would get along really well. They’re both so special to me.

I placed the album back on the shelf and made a start on the pancakes.

By the time I’d finished the last batch of pancakes, Ella walked into the kitchen with her new outfit on and her wet curly hair tied into a pony tail. She looked beautiful and the clothes really suited her.

I’d already set the table up with a few different toppings, cream, strawberries, honey, syrup and of course some bacon. I’d also put her birthday present there too.

“How was the shower, sunshine?” I placed the rest of the pancakes onto the plate and bought them over to the table.

“Amazing, I feel fresh as a daisy… and the clothes fit perfectly.” She did a little spin before making her way over to the table. “This smells amazing. I’m starving.”

“Good, I don’t know what toppings you like so I kinda just placed them all out.” I sat down across from her. “This is your birthday gift… I didn’t have a chance to give you it last night.”

I’d had the gift since Rosita asked me to help her with the surprise party. I did plan on giving her It after the party but with her fucking ex showing up I got distracted.

I gave her the gift and she immediately pulled the boxes out. “Pandora… no Negan.” Her bottom lip stuck out as she pouted. She always looked so adorable like that. She opened the bigger box which was a plain band. “You really shouldn’t have. This is too much, first the clothes and now this.”

“Technically the clothes are a hey we fucked at my house last night and you didn’t have any clothes for the next day.. kinda gift… this is your actual present.” I shrugged as I watched her open the two smaller boxes. Two charms with an H charm and an E charm. “H for Hazel, E for Ella.”

She ran her finger over the lettered charms. I could see tears pooling in the corner of her eyes. I instantly stood up and walked over to her, kneeling down to her height.

“Hey hey… what’s up.” I frowned as I rubbed my thumb against her cheek. “If you don’t like it we can get something else?”

Her smile made me feel a little better. But I still didn’t understand why she was crying. “No, I love it… so much. It’s just… this… all of this is so thoughtful. No one has ever been this nice… I just feel like an asshole for nearly ruining this whole thing with what happened with Shane.”

Shane had manipulated her into getting back with her yesterday. He tried to guilt trip her with a sentimental gift and used her dead mother and her daughter to do so. She just wanted to be loved by someone. She wanted to be able to give her daughter a happy life, and he played her on that. Then she found out he’d slept with another girl after promising he hadn’t for weeks. He makes my skin boil. How could he do anything to hurt such a perfect girl. Never mind the mother of his child.

“What happened with Shane isn’t your fucking fault Ella. He manipulated you, lied to you and made you feel guilty for standing your ground. He used all the things that he knew could control you and that’s not your fucking fault. Okay? Don’t let anyone, especially him, make you feel guilty for being strong and realising what you deserve.” I stood up and pressed a soft kiss against her temple. Pulling her in close, her arms wrapped around my body as she hugged me. I let her stay there for a while, gently rubbing her cheek with my thumb. “I promise I’ll try and be everything you deserve.” I said in almost a whisper. This moment was intimate. Her insecurities were trying to make an escape but I wouldn’t let them.

Her head turned to look up at me with them big hazel eyes, free from the tears that had threatened to run down her face. “Thank you. I promise I’ll try be the girl you deserve.” She turned the words around.

“Oh baby.. you already are my version of perfect. You’re more than I deserve.” I leant forward and gave her a soft, passionate kiss.

“Now let’s get this food down.” I gave her a playful wink before returning to my chair.

I piled my plate up with 3 pancakes, a layer of bacon and syrup between each one, topped with strawberries and more syrup.

Ella had two pancakes, bacon and syrup on one, strawberries and cream on the other one.

“Okay if it’s one thing that you Americans do right, it’s the bacon with pancakes, absolutely delicious.” Ella said after she’d taken a bite of the pancake with bacon on.

I let out a little chuckle in the middle of eating. I gulped my food down and grabbed my orange juice. “And our chocolate. Much better than British chocolate.”

Her mouth gaped open in shock, causing me to laugh louder. “It’s not even funny. That… that’s diabolical. British chocolate is elite. Give me a Cadbury dairy milk or a galaxy bar anyyy day. You couldn’t pay me to eat Hershey’s again. That literally tastes like vomit. Cookies and cream, not too bad… original, get in the bin, babe.” I loved when she gets defensive over British vs American things and sayings. Last week, we had the football vs soccer argument and whether sweets or candy sounds better.

“I’ve never had galaxy before.”

“You haven’t lived until you’ve tasted a galaxy ripple… one day you’re coming to England with me and you’re gonna try all the best sweets and snacks.” She took another bite of pancake.

“Candy”

“sweets”

“Candy.”

“Sweets!”

“Can-“

She grabbed one of the coasters next to her and threw it at my chest before I could finish. “Ow.. that kinda fckin hurt.” I laughed before eating again.

“It’s sweets because they’re sweet so shush.” I rolled my eyes with a smirk on her cheeks. I’ll let her win. This time.

We finished up our breakfast and cleaned the kitchen up together. Ella insisted that she do it seen as I cooked, but I actually enjoyed spending time with her, whether it was doing nothing or cleaning the kitchen.

Things with Ella were so natural. She made life seem simple. She had a good heart, great humour, and an amazing personality all paired perfectly with how beautiful she is. I wasn’t afraid to be myself around her. I could be vunerable, and I know that she wouldn’t judge me for it. She’d always support me and find a way to make me feel better. Like this morning, she could have made a run for it before I even got home, but she gave me a chance to explain everything. It felt normal to talk to her about what happened. I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone about Lucille’s death since it happened, but Ella makes me feel so comfortable that I could tell her anything.

Thats what made my heart ache. I hadn’t been fully truthful. Yes, I told her about Lucille and what happened. However, I left the parts of our relationship that really broke us before her death- before her diagnosis even. I wanted to keep that side of me a secret. I couldn’t give Ella any reason to not trust me, not after the hurt she’s been through.

After the kitchen was tidy, we decided to take a little walk down by the river. It was one of my favourite parts about the apartment. It had its own private “beach” which was really a bit of sand leading up to the river, but the water was ice blue, so clear that you could see the little fishes that swim around your feet.

“Do you miss England?” I asked curiously as we sat on one of the little cliffs that overlooked the river.

Ella shrugged a little, her skin glowing from the sunlight hitting her cheeks, “I suppose I do, I miss my friends, my grandparents, I even kinda miss the farm… it was my mums place yknow, it’s where I feel the closest to her… but then Georgia has always been home too… my parents met here, fell in love here… technically I was convinced here” she let out a little laugh, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. “I wanna go back someday, show Hazel where her mama grew up.” Her southern accent slipped slightly as she talked. She still sounded very British most of the time, but certain words and phrases always caught me off guard.

“You went all southern girl on me then… I love your little British American accent.” I teased her, gently nudging her with my arm. A small chuckle fell from my lips when she rolled her eyes.

“If you want me to talk like a pretty little farm girl from Georgia, all you gotta do is ask sweet pea.” Ella mimicked a fake thick southern accent.

I laughed and shook my head in disbelief. She never failed to keep the conversation alive. “Now that is impressive, I can’t decide what’s real now. Is your British accent the fake one?” I raised a brow.

“If I wanted to fake my accent, I would at least do the stereotypical posh British accent wouldn’t you think?” She next mimicked a posh British accent, causing me to laugh even more. Her impressions were actually amazing.

“Touché.”

“On a serious note, my accent is a mix of Manchester and Liverpool, mainly Liverpool but back home I’d still get called a wool.” I gave her a strange look as she talked about her accent. What the hell was a wool?

“A wool?” I had to question it. I was extremely curious and any more information I could learn about her, the better.

She shifted from the position she was sat in and turned her body to face me. “So if you’re born and bread in Liverpool, you’re a scouser. And they talk like this, always like they’re ard, n can’t get all the words out .” I burst out laughing at what I suppose was her scouse accent. I had to take her word for it. Truth be told I’ve never been to England, and if I did it would most likely be London.

“Don’t laugh! I’m serious, that’s how they talk. If I get annoyed, my scouse accent comes out more. my sisters find it absolutely hilarious, which riles me up even more…. But anyways, a wool is someone who lives over the water, aka Birkenhead, the Wirral, or around Liverpool that has family from Liverpool and that… but then the manc accent is actually horrid. They talk like this, an I’m realla appy t be ere” If she carried on with these accents, I would be all laughed out until the end of the week. She definitely had a sense of humour even when I had no idea what she was actually saying.

“I’ll take your word on that, sunshine. Whatever accent you decide to stick with I’ll still be around to hear it.” I gave her a quick wink before standing up and stretching my arms out for her.

She took my hands and stood up with my help. I pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her waist as she did the same to me. Her head propped up, resting her chin against me so she could look up at me. Them full lips in a pout, sparking hazel eyes dragging me in.

“I don’t want this day to end… dispute the slight hangover, it’s genuinely been nice to leave my phone inside and take time to just admire the outside and spend time with you.” Before we left for our walk, we decided to both leave our phones inside. We wouldn’t be going far and I know the area pretty well by now so we wouldn’t be lost. Plus it was a really nice summers day, there were plenty of people around enjoying their Sunday afternoon.

“Me either baby, but it’s…” I lifted my arms to look at the black and gold tag heuer watch which I’d bought with the money from my first big game. It was nearly $1500 but it was worth it. “4.20 and you have to pick that beautiful little girl of yours up in 40 minutes.”

“I know, and I can’t wait, but still, I like being around you.” A tint of red flushed her cheeks and a small smile tugged against her lips.

I pressed a small kiss against her lips before resting my forehead against hers. “We’ve got plenty of other times to be together, I meant what I fuckin said last night… I want you in my life Ella, I think we’d have a really good shot if we tried this.”

“I meant what I said too.” I’m yours Negan. Every part of me… and you’re mine

I’m all yours, sunshine. Mind, body, soul. Yours.

There was no hesitation in our words. The first time we’d been intimate with each other. The first time I’d fucked anyone that I had a connection with since Lucille. The first person I wanted to be mine in 3 years.

I pressed another kiss against her lips. This time, with more passion, more need. “How about I take you to pick Hazel up instead of dropping you home and you having to go back out again? If that’s okay, I know I haven’t met her yet” that way I can also find out where her fucker of an Ex lives incase he ever fucks with her again.

“Yeah.. I’d like that. Thank you… if you’re down for it I could buy you that dinner I owe you?”

“sounds perfect sunshine.”

We walked back to my apartment, hand in hand, enjoying the sensory around us and talking about our favourite things to do when we have spare time.

We were only about 15 minutes away from the house so it actually went by really quick with the conversation going.

When we got back to my apartment, the plan was to grab Ella’s things and my keys then pick Hazel up and go for dinner before taking her home.

The sound of ringing came from the table where we left our phones.

“Oh what timing. That’s Shane.” Ella said before even looking at her phone. I suppose she has a specific ring tone for him. By the time she walked over to the table the phone had stopped ringing, she picked it up and her eyes widened, “65 missed calls… te— omg” I could see the panick flood her face as she scrolled through her phone. I could practically hear her heart pounding so hard it might as well have been next to my ear.

“What’s wrong.. are you okay?” I rushed over to her. She looked up at me but didn’t talk or move.

Her hands trembled causing her to drop the phone. Tears falling from her face but she still stood still.

Ella

I couldn’t breathe. The air around me was thick, suffocating. I felt trapped in my own body. It refused to move. I knew I needed to get out of there. To run. But I couldn’t.

The heat was filling my bones, engulfing me into the fire. The ac was on before we left yet there wasn’t a cool breeze anywhere.

I thought it would have been okay to leave my phone here. I didn’t think about anything this bad happening.

Shane had called my phone 65 times and left over 50 text messages. I also had calls and messages from Rick and Lori.

I was hyperventilating, this couldn’t be happening. I needed to move.

Go Ella, get there.

But my body refused.

The last time this happened was the day my mother died.

8.53pm 12th August 2015

I climbed up to my treehouse that lay on the edge of our farm. Me and Daddy made the house when I was around 8. We had so much fun building it. When my sisters came to visit, I would hide away in here, hoping that no one would find me.

It wasn’t just a tree house to me. It was a castle. It was my castle, my world. All my worries drifted away when I was in here.

I start high school in a few weeks, but I didn’t want to hide away from this world I have as my own.

Mum and dad said it’s maybe time that I should move on from the tree house. But I didn’t want to. This is my safe space.

The sun had not long set, I planned on spending the night in my treehouse for like the 6th time this summer. Next week, we were leaving for Georgia to see my sisters, Maggie and Bethany, so I wanted one last night in here.

“Ella, sweetie… you need to come down.” A croaky voice called from down below. It was my Nana Jane, but she sounded different, sad… heartbroken.

My head popped up over the edge of the treehouse.

Just as I expected, sad. Tear stains coated my nana Jane’s face.

I carefully slid down the built in ‘fire man pole’ by the side of the building.

“What’s wrong Nana Jane? Where’s mum and dad?” I asked curiously.

My nanna hesitated for a second, she held my hand and took a deep breath. “There’s been an accident sweet pea…your mother was in car crash, someone crashed into the side of her car.”

“Where is she? IS she okay?” My mother is the strongest person I know. She would be fine. She had to be.

My nanna just looked at me, tears filling her eyes. No words were needed to see what was going on.

“No… she’s okay. She HAS to be okay… nan this isn’t funny. Where is she?” My voice cracked. The world around me turned from the star light sky into black clouds, darkness around us. I felt like the ground was crumbling beneath my feet. My legs went weak, my heart racing. Tears streamed down my face. I wanted to scream, but the words wouldn’t come out. I just stood there. Frozen. My mum, my best friend. Gone forever.

Negan picked up my phone, I could see his lips moving and the muffled sounds of words, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying.

Tears were falling down my face but I wasn’t crying. There was no sounds, just tears.

“Ella… ell… you’re in shock… Come on—- can you hear me?” Negan’s hands grasped my arms, shaking my body slightly. The words came to me. How many times had he called my name?

“I-… I…” I felt like someone was strangling me. Crushing my wind pipe, cutting off my air supply.

“Breathe with me baby… in and out.” Negan held on to my hands as he coached me through some breathing exercises. “Now we need to focus okay… let’s go to the car, I’ll take you straight to the hospital. We will see what they say.”

Shane had sent me multiple messages saying he was at the hospital with Hazel. They’d had an accident, and that’s all I knew. I didn’t know if she was okay. The severity of the situation, I just knew my baby was hurt enough to be in the hospital.

The drive to the hospital was silent. No radio, no conversations, just the ambient sounds from our surroundings. Negan didn’t try and tell me it was okay. He just kept his hand on my leg the whole way. Supporting me more than he knew. I’m glad he was here with me, if I was alone I probably would still be in that frozen spot.

He dropped me off at the entrance of the emergency room so I could go in whilst he found a place to park.

I immediately ran to the receptionist, trying to contain my fear and tears. “My daughter.. Hazel- Grace Wal—“

“Ell… she’s through here” Rick’s voice cut me off as he walked around the corner, a symphetic expression on his face. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a tight grasp.

“I-is.. is-“

“She’s okay.. you’re okay, Shane’s just talking to the doctor, come on”

He took me to the doctors office, passing Lori, who was sitting, holding on to Carl in the waiting room.

Shane was sat on the hospital bed with one of the doctors-intern it seems by the colour of her scrubs- cleaning up a wound on his arm that seemed to have something glass or something in, his face had several scars but it was hard to tell if that was from the fight or the accident. There were blood spatters against his white tee and a few rips, too.

I stood at the door looking around for my baby, but she was no where to be seen.

“Where is she.” My anxiety was at its full peak. My body was shaking, my eyes stinking from the amount of tears I’d cried. Flashbacks from my mother’s death flashing constantly in my head.

There’s been an accident sweetpea.

Mummy, no! Mum wake up, please wake up!

Shane finally looked up at me, eyes full of tears and anger. Not anger towards me, though. This was a different kind of anger.

I’d be lying if seeing him this way didn’t hurt me. I still very much loved him. I always would. He was my daughter’s dad, and I’d never want to see him hurt this bad. However, right now, all I cared about was my daughter.

“The doctors taken her to the PICU it wa-“

“Intensive care… what the hell happened, Shane!” My heart was raising, I couldn’t breathe again, I felt like my body was going to shut down. The PICU-pediatric intensive care unit- was for children under the age of 21 go when serious accidents and very serious illnesses occur. Which meant that whatever condition my baby was in, wasn’t good.

“We were on our way home from the supermarket and a … a drunk ran a red light… smashed right into the left side of the road… Hazel’s side… sh… the car seat… it flung to the other side… b-but..” Shane’s voice cracked as he retold the events of the accident. Tears streamed down his face. The tears that I thought I’d all cried out built in my eyes until they burst out.

“But what, Shane. What happened to her!” I tried to keep my volume down, but I couldn’t, I needed answers.

He took a deep breath and tried to gather himself before he spoke again, “the fire fighters had to cut the straps off the car seat, they ended up tightening when it moved… s-s-she stopped… breathing… they got her back… b-but they need to make sure she’s okay… I’m so sorry Ella.. I’m so sorry.” He sobbed.

The intern wrapped his arm and gave me a sympathetic look, “I’ll check with the peds attending if there’s any updates.” She gave me a little nod before walking out of the room.

I knew this was the best place for her to be. Harrison memorial hospital was one of the best hospitals in the state and they’d already been so helpful with my father’s care. I had to trust the professionals and let them do their job.

“What happened to the driver?” I hope that fucker is still alive. I hope he rots in a cell for the rest of his life.

“I won’t lie to you Ella… he’s in surgery. He hit his head or somthin’ but he best hope that he dies during surgery.”

“No.” Shane looked at me like I was stupid. But I needed that man alive. I needed him to see me. The mother of the baby girl he hit in that car. “He needs to live. And when he’s out of surgery I’m going to find us the best lawyers in the county and make sure he rots for a very, very long time.”

He didn’t deserve death. He deserves to sit alone forever.

Shane stood up from the bed and made his way over to me. I was still so annoyed at him for last night, but right now, we needed to be Hazels parents.

“We will… come on, let’s go see what the doctors are sayin.” Shane wiped away my tears and pressed a soft kiss against my head before we walked into the hallway to find the doctor.

Negan was sitting in the waiting room, not too far from Rick, Lori, and Carl. Once they noticed us walk out, Rick and Negan both stood up, Lori looked up but didn’t want to disrupt Carl.

“What the hell is he doin here!” Shane pointed at Negan and looked back down to me, anger filling his face. His shout attracted a few looks from the other patients. “That’s why you weren’t answering your phone wasn’t it! You were with him.”

Rick and Lori looked from Shane to Negan, a confused look on their face.

“Shane, this isn’t the time nor place to do this…” I pleaded with him. I couldn’t be dealing with little boy drama while my little girl was in the PICU.

Rick gave Shane a warning look as he started to approach Negan. “Don’t start here, Shane. Go and find out what’s going on with your little girl.” Rick placed his hand on Shane’s chest when he wouldn’t stop walking. “Channel your anger to the asshole who did this.”

“I should leave Ell… call me if you need anything.” Negan stood with his hands in his pocket , a sad smile on his face and eyes full of sympathy.

“Yeah you should.” Shane spoke before I could.

“No. Stay please… I need you here.” I walked over to Negan, holding onto his arm and looking up at him.

“You’ve got to be fucking joking.” Shane shook his head disapprovingly. It was one thing being in this situation, it was another having to deal with it on my own. Sure, Rick is a great support, but he’s also Shane’s best friend.

“Take a walk. Go and get some air.” Rick warned Shane. I’m glad he was here to manage the situation, if he wasn’t, I didn’t know what would happen.

Shane actually listened and made his way down the hall to the entrance to get some air.

“Are you sure?” Negan cupped my face, rubbing his thumbs gently against my cheeks.

“Yes… I can’t do this on my own, she’s in the PICU, she stopped breathing.. I… I’m scared Negan.” I could feel my tears burning in my eyes again. I felt like I was locked in a box and no one would explain why or how I got here.

“I’m sorry to interrupt.” The intern returned with a file in her hand and her iPad on top. “I’ve just spoken to my attending. Your daughter is stable for now. Her heart rate is elevated, and she’s needing some additional help to breathe, so she’s needing a ventilator. She’s sleeping right now but I’ll take you to go see her.”

That should be a relief. She probably had an elevated heart rate from the trauma of the crash, and that could easily be managed, but something didn’t feel right.

These walk from the ER to the PICU felt like forever. Anticipation and anxiety was trapped in my body. I felt like I was going to be sick.

Walking into the PICU made my stomach turn, so many poorly children around, my heart breaking at the site. The doctor took us into a private room where my baby girl laid in a cot, a tube against her nose helping her breathe. She still looked so beautiful, so content. I picked up her chart and had a look through at the things they’d already done, CT, ECG, bloods, and placed a breathing tube to her nose.

I sat down on one of the nearby chairs, holding her tiny, delicate hand. I didn’t want to take my eyes off her. I wanted to hold her for the rest of my life and not let her go.

“Even like this… she’s the most beautiful little girl I’ve seen…” I glanced over to Negan, who was resting against the doorway. “I’m sorry, this is the way you meet her.. she’s usually the happiest girl, always smiling and babaling.”

My heart was breaking more and more. I knew this was what’s was best, but it still didn’t make things better.

Negan walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me, ever so gently. His warmth made me feel better and the fact that he was whiling to be here with me. “She really is beautiful Ella, she’s so strong, she will come through.”

I looked up at him, a small smile pressed against my lips, “thank you for staying here, it helps me more than you think.”

“Always.” He kissed my head and looked over to Hazel.

He spent some time just looking at Hazel, him comforting me and playing with my hair gently. I kept looking up at her stats, worried that I’d see something bad.

After a while, Shane walked into the room, going to the other side of Hazel. Thankfully, he didn’t make a comment. he just stood there looking at our daughter.

“I’m gonna head to the cafe. Do you want a drink or anything?” Negan stood up with a slight smile. He probably felt a bit awkward being in the room with me and Shane. I don’t really blame him either.

“Just a tea please… thank you.”

“You got it… Shane? Would you like anything?” Negan looked over to Shane. I appreciated his effort, even after what happened yesterday after my birthday party. It just shows that he wants the best for me, and in the end, Shane will always be in my life.

“I’m good… thanks.” Shane gave him a little nod and dragged a chair over to the side of Hazels hospital crib.

“No worries, see you soon.” Negan gave my head a little kiss before he exited the room.

I was waiting for Shane’s sly comment, but surprisingly nothing came. Rick must have had a conversation with him, that’s the only other explanation… or he was abducted by Aliens and replaced with a clone.

We sat in silence for a while, I think we both felt too awkward to say anything. Well, I just didn’t want to cause an argument.

Hazel started to move, her little cry’s coming out all scratchy. She was probably dehydrated from the additional help of the ventilator. Her eyes opened, then beautiful brown eyes that I loved so much. Her legs and arms kicked around slightly. She definitely had a lot of energy.

“Shush, shush… mamas here baby girl.” I gently ran my finger down her little cheek, hoping it would calm her down.

“I’ll go grab the doctor, let them know she’s awake.” Shane gave Hazel a soft touch before he walked out of the room toward the nurses station.

Hazel slowly started to calm down with her crying. This time, she was trying to pull at the tube in her nose. “I know, baby, but that needs to help you, you’re so strong.”

Her eyes were so big, glaring up at me with that hint of normalcy peeping through.

Shane came back into the room with one of the doctors. The doctor came over to Hazel and took her temperature and blood pressure, and checked her oxygen levels. All the normal stats.

“Mrs Wals-“ the doctor spoke. Awkward.

“It’s Greene… Ella Greene.” I quickly spoke up before he could continue. Maybe we should have double barrelled Hazels last name after all. It was a suggestion I’d made, but Shane was adamant that there was no need as one day I would also have his last name. That aged well.

“Apologies, Miss Greene, I’m Dr Larson, it seems like Miss Hazel-Grace here has a lot of her energy back. Her stats are looking good, her oxygen levels are at 99% with the ventilator which is great so I’m happy to remove the tube and see how she gets on without it if that’s okay with you two?” Dr Larson gave us both a Quick Look. He seemed quite young, maybe too young to be an attending, but what he was saying seemed correct. This stuff was the basics that you’d learn in your first year of pre-med.

I knew that by removing the tube she would probably struggle a little bit at first, but it will just be her body getting used to having to breathe on her own.

“Yes” i said.

“No” Shane said at the same time as me. We both looked at each other with confusion. God he was a cop for christs sake. He knew nothing about the medical field. Myself and a highly qualified doctor do.

“Maybe I should talk about the pros and co-“

“All her stats are good, her oxygen levels are perfect, her heart rate is back to normal, she may struggle at first but keeping her on the ventilator is only going to cause her body to regulate to the help and it will be harder to take her off the machine. By doing it now she can be monitored and IF she needs more help then we can look into other things.” I was quick to cut the doctor of, partly because of irritation from Shane’s comment and partly because I knew that the doctor probably wouldn’t explain it in ‘simple terms’ and Shane’s mood isn’t exactly the best today, rightly so considering the circumstances, however, the doctor is trying to help our daughter, not hurt her.

Dr Larson looked at me with a slight smirk and nodded, “exactly what Miss Greene said.”

“Or should we try an SBT first?” An SBT would probably put Shane’s mind to rest and to be fair, it would make me feel a little more comfortable with this.

“SBT?” Shane questioned. Of course he would.

“Spontaneous Breathing Trial” Dr Larson and I answered at the same time. We both let out a little laugh.

“You seem to know a lot about this stuff, Miss Greene.” Dr Larson commented with a soft smile on his face. If I wasn’t seeing Negan, he’d definitely be my type. I obviously have a thing for older men, but his dark hair and bright blue eyes were a perfect addition to his profession. I bet he had all of the teenage girls fawning over him.

“Ella, please, Miss Greene is too formal for me” I let out a little laugh, I hated being addressed as Miss, I felt like I was in trouble or something. “I’m at the end of my third year in pre-med so yeah, I pretty much agree with everything you’re saying.”

I could see Shane glaring at us from the corner of my eye. That awful jealous look had returned.

“Not all of us here are doctors or doctors in training. Can someone explain. Preferably the real doctor.” Ouch, I guess Shane was coming back to his normal self. He knew how hard I worked in school and how much medicine meant to me after I thought my dream of becoming a singer had passed. I kept quiet and rolled my eyes at his sly dig, folding my arms in front of my chest.

“Well as mis- Ella, was saying, a spontaneous breathing trial is to stimulate breathing without the ventilator to see if the patient can breathe on their own, so in this case if you’re worried about completely taking her of the ventilator, we will reduce the ventilators pressure support for a short period of time, usually around an hour- 2 hours, see what her levels are like and if she copes well that way we can completely remove the ventilator, monitor her and if needed we can place her back on. But you have a very strong little girl, Mr Walsh, she’s just been through something very traumatic, and I’d be expecting a lot worse right now.”

Shane let out a little sigh and looked over to me, “what do you think, Ella? Is this safe?”

How ironic. First he’s saying I’m a ‘fake doctor’ and now he’s asking for my opinion. “I don’t think my opinion matters here, Shane. I’m not the real doctor.” I scoffed and let out a sigh. “If you’re asking my opinion as a medical student, I’d tell you it’s the best option, if you’re asking me as her mother then I’d tell you that, honestly, I’m scared. Really scared, but like Dr Larson said, she’s a strong baby, I think she would pull through this.” I gave him a little smile and a shrug. I was terrified at what could happen. There are several things that could cause more issues, but keeping her on for longer could cause more issues, too.

Shane nods and faces back to the doctor, “let’s do it.”

“Great, would one of you like to feed her before we get started? It can help calm her down, and if she’s hungry, she may get too overwhelmed… she will be in overnight, but unfortunately, only one of you will be able to stay with her.. but erm, I’ll keep visiting open later, but after 11 pm, I am sorry, someone will have to leave.” He gave us a little nod before walking out of the room.

“I’ll stay… you should go get some rest, you’ve been through something traumatic too.” I gave him a sympathetic smile as I carefully lifted Hazel from the crib, making sure that none of the wires get tangled.

“Are you sure?” He looked over to me, eyes full of worry, “i don’t mind staying.”

“Shane you look awful.” I let out a little laugh, “you need your beauty sleep, anything happens I’ll call you.”

He nods and sits back down in his chair.

“Look at you, my brave girl.” Hazel looked up at me with them big brown eyes, a sad look on her face, pulling at my heart strings. I carefully got her into position so I could breastfeed her, holding her close and never wanting to let go. I covered one side to be respectful and for my own privacy at this point.

Negan soon returned with my drink and a bag full of food. “Sorry I took so long, the line was out the door, so I stopped off at the diner instead. I thought I’d grab some food for you guys.” He placed the bags and drinks on the coffee table and pulled out a take away box, “club sandwich and tea for you” he placed them on the little cabinet next to me, and went back to the box “I wasn’t too sure what you liked so I picked you a double cheeseburger, I hope you’re not a fuckin veggie or something.” He handed the box to Shane. I couldn’t believe that he was doing this for us. If it was the opposite way around, I couldn’t imagine Shane doing that for Negan.

“Uh.. yeah that’s fine.. thank you.” Shane looked shocked too, but he seemed to appreciate it.

“Yeah don’t mention it. How is little miss doing?” Negan pulled up a chair next to me, a soft smile on his face that just warmed my heart.

I pulled back the blanket slightly so he could see her. She was drifting in and out of sleep, drunk of the milk. “She’s doing really well. The doctor’s going through with an SBT, so hopefully, she will be off this ventilator and home by tomorrow.” Now that Negan was here, I felt so much better.

“Hey, that’s really good… How do you guys feel about that?” Negan looked between me and Shane. I really liked how he was including Shane. Even if Shane had an irritated look on his face. It just proved how much he actually cares about my feelings.

“Im a little scared, but I know it’s for the best, and if the amount she’s drinking right now I’d say she’s definitely feeling herself.” I laughed a little and looked down to my daughter, who was now asleep against me.

“Yeah, like El said, it’s for the best, she’s strong, like her mom.” Shane didn’t bother looking at Negan, he kept his eyes on me as I carefully pulled Hazel from my breast and fixed my jumper. I wrapped the blanket around her body slightly and held her close to me for a while, never wanting to let her go.

Negan nodded and looked over to Hazel, a soft smile pressed against his cheeks, showing off them dimples.

“Rick, Lori and Carl are on the way up to see Hazel… I know you don’t like her but she’s been here supporting us and Carls been asking about Hazel non stop. So be nice” Like? More like hate. But I couldn’t deny Rick or Carl from seeing Hazel and with that comes Lori.

I didn't respond. I just gave a disproving shake of my head.

“Oh that reminds me, you left your phone in my car.” Negan pulled it from his pocket and passed it over to me.

“I forgot about that, thank you.” I had multiple missed calls and texts from Rosita. She must be going out of her mind.

“Shane can you grab Hazel, I need to call Ro.”

He put his food down and washed his hands before coming to grab Hazel. With the way the wires were situated, he needed to sit where I was.

“Are you gonna be okay here?” I gave Negan a concerned look. Leaving my ex-boyfriend with my new friend? Boyfriend? Whatever he was, together. It's probably not my brightest idea.

“Yeah of course. Rosita is probably losing her mind, we will be fine.” Negan grabbed one of my hands and pulled it to his lips, giving it a soft kiss.

Before I walked out I looked at Shane with a raised brow, “be nice“ I echoed his earlier words with a smirk pressed against my cheek.

I quickly walked through the PICU, not wanting to disturb any of the other patients.

Once I called Rosita, it rang once before she answered. I quickly filled her in on what’s happened, and she was adamant about coming down, but I told her we were fine, she was fine, and I didn’t want to add any more stress to her.

When I returned back to hazels room, Rick, Lori, and Carl were already sitting around. Hazel was awake, and Carl was talking to her. That beautiful little smile of hers had finally come back out.

“Hi aunty El! Hazel keeps smiling, I think she misses me.” The little boy ran over and gave me a big hug. I loved that he still called me aunty Ella. He was an amazing kid, and I’d hope that I’d still be in his life.

“That’s great buddy, I’m so glad you could get that smile out.” I smiled softly and rubbed his head playfully.

“Dr Larson wants to start the trial soon.” Shane spoke up from the corner of the room. Of course he’d be sat next to Lori.

Rick stood up and gave me a gentle hug “We should get goin' now anyways, it’s past this one’s bedtime, and he’s got school tomorrow, last week in.”

“Well I hope you have the best last week buddy. I can’t believe you’re going to middle school already.” I pouted with a sad face. I’d known Carl since he was 7, he’d always been a good kid and it just seemed so strange that he was now going to middle school.

Carl laughed and gave me the biggest cheeky smile. “See, I’m a man now. When dad’s at work I’ve gotta be the man of the house, isn’t that right, dad?” He looked up at his dad.

Rick let out a deep chuckle and kneeled to his height, popping his hat onto carls head, “that’s right, but only when I’m not home.”

The grimes family took their time to say goodbye and offered Shane a ride home seen as his car was totalled.

After they left, I finally managed to eat my club, Sandwhich, and spent time with Negan and cuddling with Hazel before the trial started. My nerves were getting worse with every minute that passed. She was still that happy little girl, and I was terrified that things would go wrong.

“I should probably get goin’… unless you want me to stay until she gets started?” Negan gently rubbed my leg in a supportive manor. He made me feel so comfortable and really helped calm my nerves.

Truth was, I didn’t want him to leave. But I knew he couldn’t stay much longer either. “no it’s okay, it’s getting late. Thank you for sticking around as long as you could… I’d probably still be a mess if you weren’t here.” I let out a little laugh before carefully placing my sleeping girl into the crib.

Negan stood up from behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. His hot breath against my neck sent chills down my spine. “You know I’d spent every second with you if I could.”

“Me too.” The butterflies were back, but this time, there was no cage for them. They were flying around my stomach without a care in the world.

He pressed a soft kiss against my cheek before he let go of me. “If you need anything, or just wanna chat, you call me, okay?”

I turned around to face him. Is it bad that my heart hurt at the fact he was leaving? “I will.. i probably won’t be able to sleep tonight, Rositas is gonna bring me a bag of stuff up, so I’ll probably catch up on college work or something.”

“You need your beauty sleep, sunshine. You’re in a place full of fuckin people who will be here if anything happens okay?” Negan’s warm hands cupped my face, his perfect smile gleaming, dimples sinking in.

“So you’re saying I’m not beautiful without enough sleep?” I teased him, a little smirk tugging at my lips.

He let out a slight chuckle and shake of his head before pressing his lips against mine, “you Ella… I don’t actually know your middle name, Greene, You’re always fuckin beautiful, with sleep, without sleep, with makeup or without.”

“You really know how to charm a girl don’t you.”

“Oh I try baby, I try.” His lips pressed mine once again, soft, delicate, just like silk. “You sure you don’t need anything before I go?”

“Maybe just another kiss? That one wasn’t long enough” I lifted my shoulders with a slight shrug. It may have been silly, but this felt normal. It felt like the start of a proper romantic relationship. This was nothing like what I had with Shane. This had feelings, pleasure, and intimacy. It was not just pleasure that turned into some sort of feelings. It was exciting and thrilling, and I couldn’t wait to see what the future held for us.

“That I can do, sunshine.” His lips pressed mine dragged along his bottom lip before he gave me a passionate, longer kiss this time.

I let a small hum out against his lips, enjoying every second of it.

“Okay now go before I get too attached” our foreheads pressed together, both smiling and enjoying each other’s company.

Negan let out a little sigh and grabbed his leather jacket from his chair, “I’ve got training early, but if you need me, you call me okay?”

“I will.” I sat back down in the chair next to hazels crib.

“Oh and it’s Jane” I said Before he walked out.

“Huh?”

“My middle name… it’s Jane, Ella Jane Greene.”

Negan raised his brows with a half smile “you’re shittin me right?”

I looked at him confused, why would I joke about my middle name? “No… after my Nana Jane, my mums, mum.” I let out an awkward laugh.

“Sorry, I just… Jane was Lucille’s middle name too… I’ve … I’ve never heard anyone else have the same middle name.”

I bit the inside of my lip as he told me about his late wife. It was one hell of a coincidence that the first girl he’s been really into since his wife passed, has the same middle name as his late wife. Maybe this was the universes way of telling us we should be together. Or maybe I’m just delusional and thinking way too much into it.

“That’s kinda crazy.” I gave him a small smile.

“Yeah… good night Sunshine.”

“Good Night, Negan.”

Dr Larson returned with his intern a few minutes after Negan had left. He went through what he was going to do and how the trail works- even though I already knew everything- then he started.

The first step was to make sure she was stable and alert, the next to reduce the pressure that the ventilator is giving and monitor her responses.

Not long after the trial started, Rosita came up with a bag of things for me and Hazel. She didn’t stay long but it was nice to see her and have her support.

After she left, I spent some time with my laptop open, going through some of the school work I had left to complete.

An hour after the trial started, Dr Larson returned to check how Hazel was doing.

“96% … she’s getting there, not as good as before but she’s getting there. I’m happy to remove the ventilation completely if you are?” Dr Larson removed the pulse oximeter from Hazel and looked over at me.

“Let’s do it.” I said with half a smile. This was the scary part, seeing how well she’d cope with no support at all. I put my laptop on the side take and stood up to hold hazels little hand. I needed her to know that I mamas here no matter what.

Dr Larson started on removing the tube from her nose and turning the ventilator off. “What you working on?”

“Huh?” I looked at him confused, all my attention was on Hazel right now, watching her chest as she learns to breathe on her own again.

Dr Larson nodded toward the laptop. Oh, he was on about my work.

“Oh right, erm just studying for my MCAT.” I gave him a slight smile. The MCAT is one of the most important tests of my schooling. It determined what path my future goes in. At home, I had tons of medical school brochures scattered across my desk. Ideally I’d have to attend a school in Georgia, but I had flyers from out of the state too.

“Any idea what med school you wanna go?” He took a seat on one of the guest chairs after he’d finished with Hazel.

I shrugged, still looking down at Hazel. “Honestly? I have no idea” I let out a little laugh “I’ve been looking at so many, but I just can’t pick, they all look so great. I’ve been looking at Morehouse, probably going to be the best place, the commute will be tough but oh well.”

“Morehouse is a great school if I do say so myself.. did you come to the states for school? I kinda picked up that you’re not from here.” He let out a slight laugh.

“No actually… my dads originally from Georgia, then he met my mum who’s British, once she found out she was pregnant they moved back to England and we’d visit every year, but she died when I was 12, so we came back a few years after.”

“I’m really sorry, Ella… how did it happen?” He gave me a sympathetic look as I sat down.

“Car accident… that’s why when this happened with Hazel-Grace…I was terrified, i genuinely thought I’d be coming into another situation like that.” I bit the inside of my lip until a coppery taste filled my tastebuds. I was trying not to get emotional, the hard part was over. She was breathing on her own, she had no other major injuries. This isn’t like then.

Dr Larson stood up, walking over to Hazel in her crib to check on her breathing again, “come here.”

I gave him a confused look but walked over anyway. He played his stethoscope on to me and moved the end to Hazel’s left side of her chest.

“Hear that? That’s your little girls heart, pounding away, a perfect healthy rhythm. She’s alive and healthy. You’ve got nothing to worry about” This was magical. I’d heard her heartbeat when I was pregnant. But this was so much different.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sound for a few seconds before taking it off and passing it back to Dr Larson.

“Thank you… That was magical .” I laughed a little. Medicine was truly magical.

Next he handed me the pulse oximeter. “Why are you giving me this?”

“Check her oxygen levels, you wanna be a doctor right? Best ways to learn is to do.” Checking her oxygen levels was nothing. Anyone with a brain could do this. But I did it anyways.

“95%” I was actually shocked. That was amazing. Anything over 92% was nothing for major concern, so 95% was amazing considering what she’s been through. Especially when her levels with help from the ventilator were giving a 96% reading I

“She’s a strong little lady.” Dr Larson wrote down the results and checked a few other things.

“Thank you Dr Larson, I really appreciate everything you’re doing… and for that.”

“Just doing my job, do you need anything?” He gave my arm a soft rub with a smile on his face.

“Unless you can drill every medical term into my head, then probably not.” I laughed a little with a half yawn peeping through. I was exhausted, physically and emotionally, but I couldn’t bring myself to sleep. Not when Hazel is sat in a hospital bed.

Dr Larson laughed a little and looked over some of my notes, “I think you’ve got that covered, this looks really good… but you should get some sleep, how much sleep have you had lately?”

I laughed as I sat back down into the reclining chair. “Probably like 6 hours. It was my 21st birthday yesterday, so yeah, lack of sleep and a hangover plus all this. Doesn’t really mix well… but I can’t bring myself to sleep.”

“Wow, happy late birthday… I gotta go see some other patients, but give me a shout if you need anything.” Dr Larson gave me one of them friendly doctor smiles before he left the room.

I spent the next few hours on the pull out bed they bought in. Id spent about an hour on the phone to Negan, talking about life, our future goals, and things that are on our bucket lists. Turns out that we both want to sky dive. I’d always said that the day before I get married that I want to sky dive. A crazy adventure before making one of the biggest decisions that life has to offer. He found the idea romantic, said something about whiling to go that close to death with someone. Morbid, but kinda cute. He also told me he wants to travel route 66, which I reckon would be amazing. That’s definitely something I wanna look into, maybe before I start my intern year. That way we’d have time to save up and map everything out accordingly. It was 1am by the time we’d got of the phone. He had to be up early for training and dispute him insisting that he was okay to stay and talk, I had to lie and say I was tired. I knew he had a big game coming up soon, and he’s explained how it’s been hard adapting to the new team and the way they work.

I ended up trying to settle down, tossing and turning but still getting no sleep, I looked at my phone to see that it was only 3am. I was going insane just laying here. Every so often I’d take a peak at my sleeping girl, there was an intern checking on her every hour but I still couldn’t help but bombard the poor girl with questions every time she came in. Usually, nurses would be the ones coming in, but I figured that maybe because of how worried Dr Larson had seen me, he wanted to reassure me that she was getting the best care.

I couldn’t stay in this room any longer. I needed at least some air. I slid my shoes back on and put my hoodie over before giving Hazel a little kiss on her head and walking out to the nurses station.

“Hi, I’m gonna go grab some air, I just wanted to let you know as my daughter, Hazel-Grace is in room 260.” I polity smiled and the nurses gave me a reassuring nod.

“We’ve got it sweetheart, have you slept? I can grab you a tea if you like?” The nurse was probably in her mid forties, bright blues, and such a heartwarming smile.

“I’m okay, I just need some air, that’s all. Thank you, though.”

“No worries sweetheart, I’ll keep an eye out for your girl.”

The hospital after hours was quite creepy. Nearly empty hallways, lights dimmed, rooms pitch black as I walked past. It sent shivers down my spine.

Once I made it to the hospital gardens, I noticed Dr Larson leaning against one of the walls, cigarettes in his mouth, and phone out in front of him.

I let a little smirk slip as I carefully walked over to him, “anyone tell you that around 480,000 people die a year from smoking them things?”

Dr Larson looked up from his phone and let out a little chuckle, “you’re right, i probably set a bad example here don’t I?”

I snickered and bit the inside of my lip, “maybe just a little… but then again, I don’t blame you for your… habit. Job must come with a lot of pressure.”

He took the last drag from the cigarette and flicked it into the bin, “it does, but it’s not the pressure that gets me, it’s the people I couldn’t help… the ones I couldn’t save… so yeah, these..” he shook the pack of cigarettes. “Only come out when I’ve failed at my job.”

All of a sudden, my heart sank, ‘the ones I couldn’t save’. He must have had a bad night, maybe that’s why I haven’t seen him since he left. “I’m sorry… wanna talk about it?” I sat down at a nearby bench and tapped the space next to me.

Dr Larson raised a brow toward me but sat anyways, “don’t tell me you’re wanting to be a therapist?”

I laughed and shook my head “god no, I can just about handle my own emotions, never mind someone else’s.” I found the brain incredible, but the psychological part and diving into a persons inner feelings. That wasn’t for me.

He let out a little chuckle and nodded, “fair enough, what kind of doctor do you wanna be then, Dr. Greene?”

“Not a doctor yet.” I rolled my eyes, a smile still spread across my cheeks. “But I wanna be a Nero surgeon, brains, just cutting into them instead of having to talk to people about them.”

“Never expected you to want to do surgery at all, never mind Nero.” He genuinely looked surprise. Was it that hard to believe that i want to cut into peoples brains. Not in a weird way.

“Then what did you expect?”

He shrugged “I don’t know, plastics or something.”

I looked at him with a raised brow, definitely showing my offended look. Plastics? Really? I don’t even get my lashes done, never mind anything plastic. “Gee, that’s… actually, I have no words for that. Do I really look like someone who’d be in plastics?”

“I’m fucking with you Dr Nero… I was actually gonna say peds, you’re got that natural motherly instinct, kind hearted thing going on, I think yous make a great peds doctor, or surgeon in your case.” He gave my arm a playful push with his shoulder.

Embarrassment flushed my face, I needed to seriously learn to stop being so sensitive. “I don’t think I’d be able to do that… seeing sick children all the time, it would break my heart, adults are easier I suppose, they’ve at least lived most of their life… and I get that as a Nero surgeon I’ll have younger patients but hopefully not as many.”

“Never gets easier, but seeing those that do get better, now that’s what I hold on to, can’t always focus on the negatives, Dr Nero.” He stood up and put his hand out for me, “it’s getting chilly out here, we should go in.”

I debated taking his hand, I liked talking to him. He was kind, handsome, and worked in the job that I was technically leaning for. But he was still my daughter’s dr, and I was probably thinking way too much into his kindness. Plus, I had Negan.

‘You’re mine.’

“I’m gonna stay out here a little longer… Thank you for the conversation… even though it was supposed to be about you.” I let out a little laugh.

He slid his hands into his pockets and nodded, “see you in there, I’ll come see Hazel soon.” We both smiled as he walked back into the hospital.

The sky as so clear tonight, the stars were shining so brightly. I loved nights like tonight, it reminded me of my mother.