starter sentences / marriage goals
âOkay, the only way we can resolve this is by playing Battleships. You versus me, living-room sofa, right now. Bring wine & popcorn.â âYou canât be serious about wearing that to ___âs wedding, NAME. Weâll be the laughing stock of the family â more than we are already, that is.â âWhatâs the matter, love? Who do you need me to murder?â âI never expected to end up married to someone who rick-rolls me via Spotify the second I get in the front door. Congratulations for defying my expectations.â âDarling husband/wife, you can find your nerf gun & ammunition in the garage. First one to be struck cooks dinner.â âMatching onesies are marriage goals god-tier & you canât change my mind.â âSpaghetti A-B-Cs and potato smilers are totally an acceptable dinner, babe, and not just for our kids. Bon appetit.â âWeâre not playing monopoly, because you always cheat & then cry when you still lose anyway.â âHere you go, babe! Date-night Happy Meals, complete with mini Furbies.â âI know you had a shit day at work, love, so let me rub your shoulders and tell you all about my shit day at work.â âLetâs get a chihuahua and call him something like Bruiser or Danger and watch peopleâs looks of confusion in the street.â âWelcome home, love. I burned dinner and the dog ate your passport, how was your day?â âIâll clean the bathroom, you do the shopping. Youâre better at extreme couponing & I know not to mix bleach with cleaning fluid.â âHelp, itâs an emergency! Eight legs, hairy and scary, and itâs behind the bathroom door out of reach of the vacuum cleaner, so babe Iâm afraid this is definitely one for you.â âNot lazy? Sweetheart, youâve literally drank all of the milk and put the empty bottle back in the fridge.â âPeel half of the potatoes while I drive home, I said. Not âpeel half of each potatoâ. Honestly.â âFlour is what I needed for the recipe, not flowers, but thanks anyway.â âPeak romance is when you proposed with one of those lollypop rings from the carnival.â âNobody gets to call you a muppet except me, husband/wife. Youâre officially my muppet.â âI love how I always end up wearing your painful shoes and you always end up wearing my comfortable sweaters.â âI just got us divorced in the Sims. Probably less expensive than the real thing.â âPillow war is only fair when youâre not literally wearing armour.â âRemember when we got married & we were bouncing on the hotel bed like ten-year-olds while everyone in our family thought we were forking?â âYou drive like youâre in Monaco for the races. Iâm not giving you command of the car.â âIâm glad I married you, ___. Youâre the only one in the world as weird as me.âÂ












